Angry Video Game Nerd - Season 5 (AVGN Full Season Five)

[Music] it's an in toaster and yes it works [Music] are you ready for some action some action 52 I suppose so because I get requests for this game all the time like this one right here action 52 [ __ ] this game please do a review of it you [ __ ] Thanks wow I guess I got to do it now let's start with the cartridge it's the Freak misfit of the NES library games came in gray black blue silver or gold but clear you can tell just by looking at it this is a game that's so bad it has nothing to hide another thing if you play it for more than an hour not that you'd want to it gets really hot and smells like burning plastic it's not because of the toaster the same thing happens if you played in the top loader not only is this game crap but it's crap that comes with a price a hundred and ninety nine dollars that's a lot of money but there's 52 games so let me calculate this one hundred and ninety-nine dollars divided by 52 equals well you got to pay tax too so let's just say four dollars a game Wow what a deal 52 action-packed games bundled into one cartridge all for an efficient price it was every kid's dream more games more games lights camera action 52 now well let's get this thing started we're gonna have ourselves a little marathon here and determine if the $199 was worth it game number one fire breather okay well it's pretty self-explanatory and would you know this is the only game on the entire cartridge that's to players only G which game should we start with well how about the only game you can't play alone well that's four dollars wasted already number two star evil [Music] who's gonna dodge that nobody not the first time you'd have to know oh this is gonna be a vertical 2d shooter and there's gonna be an obstacle immediately at the start of the game that's one way to get you on your toes other than that it's real easy as long as you keep firing none of the enemies come anywhere near you I guess that makes sense if I was an intergalactic vacuum cleaner getting shot at I'd be like oh [ __ ] hell there's a menorah shooting q-tips get out of the way not even the first level boss wants to be involved sometimes it doesn't show up at all and you're stuck in a dead-end what happened did the game give up oh that's another four dollars next number three illuminator you're not even allowed to see in this game real fun idea for a room that has about a thousand light bulbs it sure goes dark a lot and they're just decoration thought you could light a room with a light no you gotta kill vampires but after you've killed one you only get one second before the room goes dark again who wants to play a game that's pitch black it's so black I could see my reflection in the screen the question is how much more black could this be and the answer is none and no you can't go any higher this is it great [ __ ] game number four g-force what or just g-force it's another 2d shooter you know what this would be OK for Atari 2600 the only two controls are move and shoot this game was made in 1991 the same year Super NES came out not to mention if you want to play a good 2d side-scroller game on the NES try [ __ ] life force and what is this anyway and inside out dolphins shooting at roadkill toads I don't know I'm just using my imagination that's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat [ __ ] number 5 whose oh wow a title screen really oh my god it's it's ok well this is the first game that uses the B button for jumping any gamer who grew up with Super Mario Brothers expects a to jump but that's the least of her worries to jump over a hole you have to tap the B button and then press over if you're holding the B button like you normally would it locks you vertically until you let go it's an anomaly of game programming you know what's really weird whenever you restart the menu it always starts at O's is that the programmers personal recommendation well so far every one of these games is a bomb but out of 52 I'm sure that eventually we'll find one that's decent I hope number six silver sword well green green and more green what is this a Cabbage Patch on a golf course infested with killer scrotums this is a disgrace to the NES the same platform that brought us games like Legend of Zelda silver sword the sword isn't even silver maybe it's corroded number seven critical BP or critical bypass oh now it's spelled with a Y oh that's dreadful it's like an optical illusion well that's pretty bad when the game causes eye strain and you can't even [ __ ] look at it what is this anyway a pogo ball on a Segway shooting at birthday presents Oh critical bypass it's critical that you bypass this game number a Jupiter scope nice another space shooter this time you're a dead whale shooting at flaming condoms that's what it looks like the screen never moves it's like space invaders except without many invaders at the time you're just sitting around waiting come on give me something to shoot at losing at this game is impossible just hold down the fire button and move back and forth okay what's next number nine Alfredo or Alfred and the Fedak yeah Fedak you never heard of Fedak what happened where's the [ __ ] game well there's no game here what happened did the programmers pass out or did they just figure nobody would check all 52 games well that's four dollars wasted but I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo also known as Alfred and the Fedak number 10 operation full moon now that's puke green if I ever saw it the nauseating queue combined with the texture of vomit makes me think that this game ate silversword and barked it out number 11 dam Busters those dam Busters well it should have been called alien beaver tomato fight that's all it is you're a beaver shooting Tomatoes and navigating through a maze oops dead end what the [ __ ] you can't go back I'm trapped you're [ __ ] me this game is [ __ ] me number 12 thrusters another space shooter well it's the same game as before just different graphics where do they come up with these objects I'm running out of imagination here I can't decipher anything especially when the game starts having a [ __ ] seizure number 13 Haunted Hill Wow a human being I can't believe it actually looks like something man her boobs are bigger than her head it's a shitty side scroller with the same bad controls as OHS sadly it's the best game so far out of the way you [ __ ] ghosts here comes mrs. tits jumping like she's on the moon die you onion face balloon floating thing I died by touching the air number 14 chill out I wish I could chill out this is horrendous this one's basically an Eskimo snowball massacre climb down shits and ladders and throw snowballs what's this I died in midair that's to be a theme we're running into here this game doesn't even care it sucks gee how much money do we waste so far like $56 I think it's already exceeded the average price of a Nintendo game number 15 sharks yeah sharks sometimes sharks most the time not well you're stuck on this one screen but you sure have full rein you can swim through the ocean floor and that's all it is just hope for sharks to come and shoot them number 16 Meg ellonija another space shooter flying through McDonald's arches no thanks number 17 French Baker oh man you're a chef and the kitchen is really getting out of hand everything's trying to kill you hoagies envelopes and dog nuts and what do you do hit him with your rolling pin and don't drop down you'll disintegrate that's always nice number 18 at most quake another space shooter I pass I'm only up to number 19 geez [ __ ] number 19 Myeong [ __ ] okay get this you move from square to square hoping that the next square won't make you explode so it's like a memory game that can only be done with trial and error good lord number twenty space dreams oh my what's this gonna be why of course another space shooter this time you're a pacifier shooting at weird dolls rabbits and safety pins safety pins as enemies in a video game where they come up with this stuff G what kind of enemy could I have for this game I have 32 games left I have to program so I have to hurry up nah safety pin that would be perfect next game number 21 streamers you're a clown climbing up platforms like spider-man Oh a rabbit and a hat what does that do nothing at all a bag of money how about that it turns into a green frowning face is that supposed to teach you a lesson that taking money is greedy no I think I'm reading way too deep into it oh then the game crashes good number 22 spread fire what is this they should have called this shooter games 52 this time you're a lobster you don't go anywhere and half the time there's nothing to shoot at these kind of games must have been the easiest to design make a black background covered in dots and call it space you know what it's getting old number 23 bubblegum Rosie or bubblegum Rossi yay I've always wanted to play a game where I'm a little girl shooting bubbles wait a minute you can't even kill people well what do you expect there bubbles you can jump on the enemies or wait can you and falling in spikes doesn't hurt you this game has no rules number 24 micro Mike Wow look out micro Mike you're going too fast even if you have the quickest reflexes you'll never be able to avoid the walls or other random objects that stand in your way if only Micro Mike would slow the [ __ ] down number 25 underground well at least it looks like underground wait a minute this guy can fall down 50 feet and survive but if he touches the mushrooms he spins around like a bowling pin and dies and what am I supposed to do here what do I do wow 25 shitty games and still going this is an endurance man I've never played such a huge compilation of crap in my life was the whole idea to make so many shitty games that there'd be no more shitty games left to make out of all these there's got to be at least one that's tolerable number 26 rocket jock or rocket jockey you're a cowboy on a rocket with a lasso if you actually used the lasso that would be kind of cool but I guess they figure they didn't have enough games that shoot yeah kill those cows turn them into ebolas cereal with a puppy dog number 27 non-human well isn't that an appropriate title everything about these games are non-human except for that very human-like face or are they aliens what are these for other than the face is just being the area where you die which takes up half the screen oh you know you're playing a great game when you can't even jump over a hole oh you can try all day but you'll always fall down into the purple dimension of green faces number 28 cry-baby by now you'd be crying so it's like the game is mocking you okay what's wrong with this picture baby adult baby adult and what about him what the hell's going on here why is the floor look like ice cube trays what are you attacking with why do you die when you fall off the furniture why what why number 29 slashers slashers I thought it'd be like a horror game instead it's a poor man's version a Double Dragon saying that is being extremely generous it makes bad dudes look like a masterpiece at least the backgrounds change what are these beer steins you're not even allowed to walk past anybody when an enemy appears you stop dead in your tracks and can't move until you have a punching match to the death there's zero strategy you just mash buttons and what are these hookers I guess this guy doesn't understand the concept of a hooker you're supposed to [ __ ] or not [ __ ] her up die boob lady Oh number 30 crazy shuffle could the characters be any smaller you're a tiny indescribable object shooting tiny dots at other tiny objects sounds like fun well guess what it isn't number 31 fuzz power well fuzz is right you're some guy with a big nose big feet and lots of fuzz you roll around fighting blow dryers and hair combs what's that popcorn oh no I'm getting hit I'm losing my fuzz now I'm naked yeah whoever came up with this is an [ __ ] whoever came up with this is an ass ass hole ask television makes a lot of sense number 32 shooting gallery the easiest shooting game ever the target's never disappear until you hit them there's no time limit you never run out of ammo and you can't die which means the game will never end fortunately you can go back to the menu by pausing the game and hitting select oh except for this game the one [ __ ] game that doesn't end Crash's when you try to quit reset number 33 lollipop are you kidding me why not a sword or a machine gun who wants a [ __ ] lollipop how do you climb up a ladder you want to take a guess pushing up on the d-pad no you jump who the hell jumps up a ladder and you know what the controls and all these games are so bad I've forgotten that B is jump and a is attack I've been playing for so long I've sort of adapted to it scrap factor I swear next time I play a regular platformer I'm gonna try jumping with B number 34 evil empire Oh game sprites so small you need a magnifying glass it seems to be a theme here - look at that there's some crazy [ __ ] going on over there I want to join the party oops dieing in midair I could understand dying because you're jumping from too high but can't they at least make you die when you hit the ground number 35 sombreros well I guess you're wearing a sombrero shooting at vacuum cleaners on the street not much to say I've lost all hope 52 games they all probably suck I could think of some pretty bad games like Little Red Hood that's a horrible game but at least it's one horrible game not 52 you know it's more fun than playing action 52 52 card pickup you know how you play that pick up the cards number 36 storm over the desert Oh another title screen so you're an army tank shooting at other army tanks which happen to be pink also there's no way to die anything you touch will explode those pink tanks are [ __ ] [ __ ] what the hell a giant Saddam Hussein how did they [ __ ] up the scale this bad the soldiers aren't giant so why's Saddam now I'm getting tired of this can someone at least try to kill me hey you you get over here pause and select get me out of here well at least we're in the homestretch the third and final menu screen another thing that gets incredibly annoying whenever you die or reset you have to go back to the first menu every single time so it's hard to keep track where you left off number 37 mash man well mash man looks like buzz power with clothes on jumping on eyeballs in front of Legoland haha next game number 38 they came they came from where from space no that can't be Oh next number 39 laser League well I'm glad they spelled laser with a Z because that's how you say it you don't say laser by the way horizontal 2d space shooter next number 40 Billy Bob this is different it's like Indiana Jones except it's Billy Bob I'm kind of stunned that this game has some fluid animation here of course I should have learned in action 52 you cannot jump down you will hit the air so hard you will die you can't jump to the leg neither that doesn't work and if you stand there too long you die so how do you get over I don't know second screen of the game and it's a dead end number 41 city of doom you're climbing the tallest building in the world while the tenants throw bowling balls at you that's it it goes on and on and on how tall is this building it must lead in outer space Oh No please please not space number 42 bits and pieces Oh a monster game you're a guy in a cemetery jumping over monsters that's it you jump and jump and jump you know it will be nice an attack or how about a health bar about anything like a normal [ __ ] game what were they thinking number 43 beeps and blips you're a shape shooting at other shapes what are these reject sprites from other video games thrown together number 44 Manchester a guy jumping on music boxes punching in the air I don't get it number 45 boss who would think boss means a frog running around with a gun getting ambushed by falling bombs that's what they should have called it bombs there's no way to avoid them if you go too early the bomb gets you if you go too late the next one gets you number 46 dead end you're an ant trying to make other ants dead ants like the Pink Panther or dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant ant ant but if the ants make it to the bottom of the screen you're [ __ ] because you can only move left and right what makes this ant different from the rest oh it's pink and anything pink in this game sucks number 47 hambo a pig version of Rambo no that would have been too clever it's just a guy jumping over eight balls and [ __ ] or trying to jump over this [ __ ] horse [ __ ] how did they [ __ ] up the jump and control so bad have the programmers ever played another video game moving on number 48 Time Warp tickers you're a pair of fingers in checkerboard land with upside-down doors what kind of drugs were they on was this game even made by a human being time when you kill things it says time what does that mean time to play another [ __ ] game number 49 jigsaw it crashed oh thank god next game number 50 ninja assault another beat him up if you even call it that no strategy just mash buttons [Music] number 51 Robbie the robot more like Robbie the sunglass wearing Bart Simpson look-alike in a blue dress guess how this game works you move to the right and shoot that's all nothing can stop you you could literally play this game with your eyes closed until the second level when there's holes now you're screwed [Music] I can't believe they sold this [ __ ] fest for 199 dollars that's about how much it costs for a video game console pretty much you could take 199 dollars stand on a bridge and just throw it all away you'd rather do anything than spend it on a broken-down dysfunctional disaster of video game programming with games that crash hideous jumping control random characters microscopic sprites a marathon of mediocre space shooters dying in midair problems with proportion misleading titles misleading power-ups embarrassing weapons seizure inducing backgrounds lack of enemies games you can't win games you can't lose games that make no sense whatsoever shitty graphics shitty music shitty menus and a [ __ ] ton of other things it should have been illegal for them to sell this rod and shitload of putrid [ __ ] for any price I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude could they have tried making one good game as opposed to 50 to horrible games quality over quantity that's our lesson here well there's one game left so it has one last chance to redeem itself could this be the one that all the effort went into could there be a cherry on top this [ __ ] sundae we can only hope [Music] last episode we looked at the masterpieces [ __ ] that is action 52 now we're looking at the last game number 52 cheetahmen this is like the feature presentations there's a comic book that came with the game and plans for a whole line of cheetahmen action figures and merchandise they must have spent all their focus on this one game so this one's got to be good right [Music] [ __ ] rust okay let's go well it's not as bad as the other games for one thing it actually has a story the action game master was at home playing his video game when suddenly an arm reached out of the TV and pulled him inside yo watch the gonads when he looked up he saw three gigantic yellow bodies it was the cheetah man oh really he began to explain the cheetahmen told of the enemies here in the game world don't worry we will fight for you the cheetah men ran off and now the cheetah men kind of story is that the cheetah men are fighting for some gamer that got sucked into the TV whom we never refer to again what's this a crotch burglar yeah burglars your crotch oh yeah the enemies in this game are so inspired they even resort to recycling characters from other action 52 games like boob lady and Saddam Hussein dude think about it a giant cheetah jumping over Saddam Hussein whoa I never thought I'd see that that's weird whenever you hit somebody the music pauses for a brief moment as far as the gameplay goes there's not a whole lot to say you just move right and kill everything in sight what the hell I can't go up I can't go right either oh you gotta go right before you can go up that makes a lot of sense just because the screen didn't move all the way now what's this I can't walk past a hole even though I'm as high up as the game will allow if you could only pass the hole from below why is there such a big space up there not to mention why couldn't the cheetah fall down the hole instead of exploding in the 4 glowing orbs oh and guess how the level ends like that it just stops what more do you expect welcome to the most awesome glitches aw I'm jumping perpetually in midair yeah I could do this all day that's no problem Oh what the [ __ ] I went through the top of the screen came out the bottom and died you might say it's my fault for cheating but come on when I fall down I don't drop through the ceiling and live besides there's more enemies in the air than on the ground so I don't recommend it in Level three you're a different cheetah men this is where the game starts to get hard first of all to die all it takes is a few hits then because this big tub of [ __ ] is such a large target you can't duck either so there's not much you can do to avoid all these projectiles the jumping glitch only gets you so far no wait a minute a 1-up and it skips me to the next level ah kick [ __ ] ass life is kind of cool sometimes but here's the weird part the next level is supposed to be four but it's called three so there's two level threes it begins with this bizarre flashing disco strobe with Tetris blocks what's that all about and what's this I help far I have a health bar all of a sudden well that's convenient I don't know why it's not in the other levels and now the jumping glitch doesn't work anymore the rules of jumping change from level to level the major reason why it's so difficult is because you outrun the screen so you're always taking damage from enemies that you can't see until it's too late I mean look how far to the right I am oh [ __ ] you got a jiggle back and forth just to get the screen oriented properly Rhino man here or Rocksteady whoever the [ __ ] is he kills you in one hit doesn't matter how much help you have he runs right in and you're dead the only way to beat them is to very slowly inch your way up and as soon as he appears you run all the way to the left if you're just a hair too late you're dead then you have to make very subtle taps with the d-pad to get yourself facing right and one tiny step forward just enough so he can't touch you it's like the only way to beat this game is to cheat guess that's why it's called cheetamen now we're up to level 4 which is actually 5 this time you get a cheetah that shoots arrows with a crossbow you think that would make it easier but no the arrows never hit anything they're too small and you can only shoot one at a time it doesn't matter how careful you are the enemies will always sneak in a hit before you can kill them by the way the health bar is gone again but the formula is the same three or four hits and you're dead and I die on the first three or four enemies [Music] Wow the [ __ ] nuggets who made this game thought they were gonna make action figures and was gonna be the next best thing the Ninja Turtles well that's the end of action 52 but they made a cheetahmen sequel oh yeah you know how with a bad game sometimes you wonder how could it have even made it in the stores well this is a case in which the horror was so unspeakable the game was never released the cartridges were taken to a warehouse where they remained for years to come it was never meant to be played then in the late 90s a massive break-in took place the cartridges were discovered and became valuable collectors items that's a true story except that the real story was probably a little less dramatic than that only 1,500 these games are known to exist and they command outrageous prices on eBay I don't know if I should consider myself lucky or not but here it is the unholy grail of gaming would you believe that this game is so bad it doesn't even get its own cartridge they recycled the same plastic casing from action 52 and put a cheetahmen 2 sticker on the back let's pop this golden turd in and give it a go the plot involves a doctor morbus who creates an eighth man to fight the cheetahmen at least it explains who the villains are this time and no mention of the stupid Game Master the gameplay and graphics are similar to the first cheetamen and it reuses the same music jeez at least try to do something different if they made cheetahmen versus chester Cheetah that [ __ ] would be the mother [ __ ] ass the only thing original about this game is that you shoot tornadoes with the crossbow yeah next time there's a tornado ripping through town just shoot an arrow at it at least there's a health meter this time but how many hit points do I have a half and two and a half the glitches are out of control blocks randomly change color there's a stone nugget that keeps appearing out of nowhere and what is that the game's taking an 8-bit [ __ ] you think they would have ironed out all the flaws and improved all the mistakes made the first time around but no somehow they actually made it worse like pouring salt on an open wound you die by jumping yeah if you walk and fall you're fine but jumping from a great height you're [ __ ] oh come on I can't land on that thing then why is it there the biggest issue is not being able to dock you couldn't duck in the first game either but here 90% of your enemies are on the ground that's a major problem I still can't accept this fact so I'm always hoping in vain that if I press down hard enough it'll duck sometimes enemies come in pairs you can't even jump over that [ __ ] they can't hit me here right what let's see that again you can't even stand above the enemies the only enemies that aren't on the ground are up in the air can't jump over can't duck and can't even shoot with a straight shot you have to pull off a tricky jumping shot but the enemies appear so quickly you don't have time the second level boss on the other hand is too easy all he does is run to the right never jumps never throws anything never change his pattern just runs in the same direction until he's dead level 3 it's the big cheat again since all the enemies are stationed on the ground the jumping glitch actually works favorably this time but I don't feel bad about it you know what gained all this [ __ ] you put me through the first two levels now it's my turn yeah you wanna play dumbass well double dumbass on you [ __ ] you swine you son of a motherless goat level 3 both games have two level threes how'd they repeat the same mistake twice maybe was intentional now it's time for the eight man Oh get your head out of my crotch you monkey [ __ ] ah you won't get me this time you son of a [ __ ] huh ah whoa speaking of monkey [ __ ] get back here you [ __ ] biscuit where'd he go he's not coming back is he oh man alright so can I jump up and kill myself no not this time when I need it this is limbo this is purgatory the only thing I can do now is reset the [ __ ] game you're not gonna get away this time [Music] well I beat the game at least I got as far as you could possibly go before it [ __ ] out well this is where I'd end things but there's yet another cheetahmen game yeah action 52 on the genesis they just couldn't leave it alone could they well you think it would be the same as the NES version except for enhanced graphics but believe it or not it's totally different so before we can move on to the last cheetahmen game let's take a quick look at what these [ __ ] shout out this time that music is so Genesis it's nice we have outer space on the title screen I mean at least they're being upfront with it this time look at me I'm shooting at strains of vomit in space talent but to tell you the truth there's not that many space shooters there's only about six it's kind of astonishing they probably made up for with the abundance of puzzle games there's nothing wrong with something that challenges your mind but this one way overboard it's called action 52 I want some action besides if you're gonna make a puzzle game can you at least have some instructions there's a game called echo which is basically Simon Says come on that thing was in every toy store in the 80s did we really need a watered-down version on a Sega Genesis cartridge there's definitely more of a variety here than on the NES there's a pinball game a boat game a skiing game and a handful of different action games but they're all just shitty or clones of mediocre NES titles there's a flying game that's worse than Top Gun and there's a racing game that's a shittier version or rad racer there's also a tank game based off storm over the desert remember in the NES version you're invincible and anything you touch explodes well here it's the total opposite you can't even touch a soldier what kind of tank is that then there's games that are too easy an alien attack if you just keep running right and shooting nothing will stop you in the ninja game you can actually run through everybody in bombs away you're running through a village avoiding bombs but they'll never hit you as long as you keep moving you can also jump like you're on a trampoline look at him he jumps higher than the houses and there's nothing to jump over no holes no obstacles nothing at all there's also a boxing game where the same thing happens have you ever seen a boxing match where somebody jumped let alone 10 to 20 feet in the air another theme I've noticed is roadkill there's a game called freeway which is an exact clone of an Activision game called freeway they don't even change the title instead of a chicken running across the street you're a dog that's horrible the poor dog doesn't just get run over it gets smushed into pieces the other roadkill game is skater you're some kid on rollerskates jumping 50 feet in the air of course and most of the obstacles are dead cats at least I'm pretty sure they're dead why else would a cat be laying in the road tell me if you're programming a video game and you have a choice of all the things that could be on the road like mufflers puddles of oil traffic cones hubcaps falling trash cans open manholes of all the things you could put there why is your imagination go straight to dead cats the names of these games are as mystifying as before the tank game is called Norman is Norman the name of the guy in the tank then there's Sunday Drive yeah just chilling out going for a nice relaxing Sunday drive speeding through traffic at a hundred miles per hour on a five lane highway there's no accelerator all you get is a horn which doesn't do a damn thing oh look say gavel next exit again and again and again for a non-existent exit it sure has a lot of signs there's a lot more two-player games this time around so if you're playing by yourself that's just more games you can skip Dino Tennis is pretty funny though your two dinosaurs whacking a caveman back and forth and a purple dinosaur really don't we have Barney isn't that enough they recycle the same grunt and scream sound effects countless times even the spaceship screams they must have been really hard press coming up with ideas to fill 52 games this one called Appleseed is just a former catching apples hey I'll [ __ ] my [ __ ] damn apples coming out tree so fast murder [ __ ] then there's this shitty drawing game yeah try drawing with the d-pad game number 51 is called first game seems like a contradiction why isn't it the 51st game well guess what its pong this blows my mind on so many levels first of all just the fact that they had to use pong that filled one in the game's second that pong even exists on Sega Genesis and third the first game like it's the first video game ever made that's debatable The Odyssey came out the same year and that was being worked on since the 60s and before that there was space war and if you really want to go back there's those old games made out of radar equipment like tennis for two so that's all they got for the 51st game as for the 52nd game there is none it's just a trial run of the hardest levels from the other games so technically it shouldn't even be called action 52 there's only 50 games but at least they're all functional only once I've had a game crash and it worked after I reset the Genesis so just being able to play all the games is more than can be said for the nes version as for the games with identical titles they're all different and improved from their NES counterparts in who's you can actually jump better in dead end your aunt can actually move up and down and in sharks there's blood so let's move on to cheetamen so I can clean my hands at this action 52 [ __ ] for some reason this time it's game number 13 I guess they realized that there's no sense saving it till the end because it's just as shitty as all the other games there's no story this time no explanation no intro just the title screen and then it drops you straight into the game is this the badass 16-bit version of cheetamen we'd hope for the background looks like the wallpaper in a baby's room and the music well just listen sounds like something you'd hear if somebody slipped on a banana peel even the NES music was better one-hit deaths isn't that great how do I keep dying on the same part I know you're coming I know you're coming it's because you outrun the screen why is it gonna be like that what's up with the punching when you tap the button just once it throws two or three punches you can only punch while standing still and if your timing isn't perfect it leaves you vulnerable well I've made it to the end of the screen I think so my only guess is that you're supposed to collect all these cheetah icons I mean who knows it's not like the game gives you instructions oh and after you die just once all the icons are back so you might as well just reset Oh getting on these vines is such a [ __ ] oh and look at that am i on the vine or what I'm not gonna let that thing kill me this time oh there's a back look at this situation yes I can't even beat the first level and I'm trying as hard as I can oh my god I don't believe it I just can't believe it that this is even less playable than a TS version you think by now they'd come back down to earth and unfuck themselves but you know what the really good news is I've done with action 52 [Music] [Music] don't you just hate it when that happens you'll be playing a game and then all of a sudden it starts glitching up oh come on Metal Gear is [ __ ] up now you blow in the game jiggle it around use different consoles but it still doesn't work you know when this happens that means that there's something inside your game something that wants to reduce the graphics into a pixelated mishmash of garbage you're dealing with a game graphic glitch gremlin I'm gonna lay the [ __ ] smack on you you think I can't still play just like your mom [ __ ] try to switch the game with you might but I can switch me teaches tonight huh [Music] and here we have uncharted Iron Mike Tyson I just ironed out his face how do you like that we'll call him [ __ ] face Mike Tyson you little [ __ ] no get get out of my game in there well if you're gonna blow it like to blow me I [ __ ] a little right with Mitch's I almost wonder if the glitch gremlin how to deal with game companies to sell you all kinds of cleaning devices that you don't need I mean would you really need this to clean out a game it's just as good for cleaning out your ass I'll show you how to clean these [ __ ] out get yourself a q-tip put a little cleaning solution at the end like that you don't want too much you don't want too much moisture in the game keep it keep it away and glitch gremlin be gone oh you a real [ __ ] I'll be back yeah of course some glitches can happen because of programming errors and can be triggered on command so for those who want to be a glitch gremlin yourself here's a trick you can try at home in Mega Man 2 go to the air man stage make sure you're equipped with item number 1 now it's time to fight air man but instead let's surprise the [ __ ] at him use item 1 to touch the door and see what happens [Music] Wow have you ever wondered what it would look like if the air man's stage and dr. wily stage part 2 got thrown together in a blender speaking of Megaman I had a unique experience with the fifth game it happened a long time ago and I doubt it will ever happen again fortunately I have the evidence recorded on a VHS tape it was a long night and I was hell-bent on finishing the game I made it to one of the final bosses under normal circumstances I should have been able to see the giant pieces that fly out from the robots body and been able to use them as platforms but the glitch gremlin was playing dirty that night he knew I made it far and that there is no continued code for this late in the game this was my first time trying to beat Mega Man 5 so imagine my confusion when I kept getting struck by invisible objects the platforms were invisible but they appeared to be stationary on the robot just an illusion graphical dummies meant to fool me and sabotage my entire night's effort my only option was to reset the game but I couldn't accept that so I pushed on I kept jumping at the air blindly nine times out of 10 I get hit finally after much patience I got the invisible pattern down and was able to destroy the boss and that was a great moment in nerd history I should get a gold medal sometimes games can be unpredictable cheetahmen 2 is a prime example where the whole game is a glitch as already described in my cheetahmen review after you beat the fourth level boss you get stuck in limbo so there's no way to play the last two levels unless by a freak accident if a blue moon occurs on Fry xiii and all the planets align the game will actually start up on the missing levels the frustrating part is that now I have no choice to play it it's not like this is gonna happen again so it's like I got to sit my ass down and play the two hardest to find most mysterious levels in videogame history and what's already one of the rarest games in existence what a privilege oh and guess what it's yeah just like the rest of the game both levels are called level three so that's for level threes in total the final boss just runs back and forth you stand there hit him till he's dead and after that what happens you guessed it now if I ever have to talk about action 52 and cheetamen again I'm gonna staple my [ __ ] ballsack to the ceiling Double Dragon was a game I played so much I used to find weird things all the time if you touch the wall on the first level you can become a human elevator and if you bring the whip up there you can do this call them glitches or Easter eggs whether intentional or not sometimes they can be helpful don't feel like fighting the boss at the end of stage two well don't just walk away he doesn't even try to follow you as if saying fine you [ __ ] [ __ ] tired of fighting those big muscle men just climb the wall he's like oh [ __ ] that I ain't going up there probably the most famous of all video game secrets is the warp zone and Super Mario Brothers it first came as mild amusement when gamers found you could break the blocks all the way up on the ceiling then the moment of discovery came when you found out you could actually get above the ceiling wasn't that hilarious to see Mario running in front of the scoreboard but that was only the beginning if you went past the exit you ended up in a warp zone where you could skip to different worlds but then somebody who had way too much time on their hands found out that if you break some of the blocks and perform a very specific jump you could actually slide through the wall this still takes you to the warp zone just the same unless you don't walk too far if you jump into the first pipe right away it takes you to world -1 well it's just an underwater world that repeats in an endless loop there's also an interesting thing known as the double death if you die on a hammer brother try pausing and unpausing let's check out Mario 2 this game is so much fun lifting enemies over your head and slamming them into one another so cool whoa what happened let's try that again I love these power blocks they wipe out all living creatures insightly there's that classic trick where you go in that little dark world you pick one up and wait for time to run out and now you have twice the POW it's doomsday for this place no it changes gravity the destructive force the power block is so intense the rest of the game can't handle it turtle shells and different objects fly all over the place what happened weird if a bomb go it like drop through the floor hmm I wonder where that bomb went you know that annoying fan toe [ __ ] that face that chases you around whenever you get the key don't you hate that thing haven't you always wanted to kill it well here's how you collect exactly four cherries and four vegetables get the key let the bastard chase you somewhere where you can get a time stopper now get one more cherry to make the star up here and hurry up time's running out finally killed that ass face moving on to Mario 3 yeah might as well the glitch gremlin usually stays away from this one yeah it's a little too crowded with demonic possessions but nevertheless it has its share of glitches that you can perform yourself like sand diving and air walking as for Super Mario World there's a neat trick here to go to chocolate island 3 get to the goal instead of jumping up like normal you release Yoshi in midair the screen is still fixated on where Yoshi was and you can only see Mario's legs but that's only the beginning Wow the stability of all the colors in this world depends on Mario and Yoshi making that jump correctly for some reason gamers enjoy finding these kind of glitches maybe it's because we take pride in finding flaws that the programmers overlooked or maybe it's just because we like playing outside the rules to go exploring well for the boldest of explorers there's mountain King on the Atari 2600 getting tired of the same old platforms and ladders wouldn't you like to go to a whole new higher level of gameplay literally by performing a very specific jump you can launch the character higher than usual then you have to land on a very specific spot if you're one pixel off it doesn't work and sometimes it doesn't work anyway you have to keep holding the joystick in the direction you're jumping and release it at the precise moment now welcome to glitch heaven a vast world without logic a place not only of sight and sound but of mind by playing with all the switches on the Atari console you can cause the layout to change you can also plug different controllers into the second port like the paddles or even the keypad you can even try the ColecoVision controller or Sega Genesis it's like a mad scientist experiment I tried for hours and I still haven't been able to find everything there's been reports of the screen flickering the character changing size and strange unknown objects will you be the next adventurer to discover the unexplored secrets of glitch heaven from the old days of gaming until the new it seems like game glitches will always be around in Zelda Twilight Princess on Wii I was jumping around when somehow I got stuck in a roof on fortunately I didn't have it recorded in the act but I sure tried to recreate it it couldn't be done let's play rocky on the ps2 not you again what happened to the audience [Music] oh [ __ ] you it's working now [Applause] [Applause] oh wow I've never seen a game this [ __ ] up what time is it not gonna lock [Music] they're like zombies what is this rocky the undead edition you are really one sick [ __ ] you know that I'm gonna try clubber Lang I'm not wearing any but for my final showstopper feast your eyes [Music] it's a clever [ __ ] [Applause] [Music] on a nice [Music] [Music] so many bad games to talk [ __ ] about one of them I get a lot of requests for Zelda 2 The Adventure of Link really that's a bad game I thought it was pretty good I mean look at it it's gold but it's a mixed opinion kind of thing some people love it some people hate it with the first Zelda I think everyone agrees it's a masterpiece sure maybe there's some weird stuff in it I don't know why one of the labyrinths is shaped like a swastika or why the enemy names are so random what do you call that a rabbit's head wrong a poles voice what's that a mummy give doh what's that a ghost Guinea what's that well it's kind of like like what it's called a like like yeah I'm not making this up this is all coming straight from the manual what do you call that a snake it's called rope yeah really if you can't tell the difference between a snake and a rope you're in trouble what's that a bat it's keys what do you call the keys then bats what's that at night dark nut well then what's that a tiger councilman a rock what's that a spire a tektite now what the [ __ ] is a tektite is that even a real word [Music] yeah it is tektite any of several kinds of small glassy bodies in various forms occurring in Australia and elsewhere now believed to have been produced by the impact of meteorites on the Earth's surface yeah or a spider well [ __ ] let's move on to Zelda - it's been a while since I've played this is it good is it bad let's get to the bottom of it and see how well it holds up today well the overhead world does kind of suck everything looks like a block link is so miniscule and looks like a little gnarled green turd but also he manages to be larger than the houses how does that explain when he walks into the town does he shrink in size well then again how did link always carry so many items with them it's not important it's a fantasy world where nothing makes sense the most common generic criticism I've heard is that the game is a side scroller for the most part and none of the other Zelda games were like that well think back to when it first came out there were only two Zelda games one was an overhead view and the other was a side scroller mostly so there is no real standard yet the annoying part is that you can't fight anything on the overhead view these generic cookie cutter enemies pop out of nowhere and if they touch you it brings you to a short battle screen this is a good chance to rack up on experience points but most of the time you're just trying to get from one place to the next and you have to keep stopping to fight these bastards the enemies you fight and lay out depend on where you got caught if you got caught on a grassy field or in the middle of the woods it's always different you might get swarmed with enemies or you might have it so easy there's no point at all like here all I gotta do is dodge these fuzzy [ __ ] buts and leaves it gets old quick but if you think about it it's not as bad as Final Fantasy 6 that is three on Super Nintendo here you can't even see what hits you that says random as you can get but hey that was a great game I know a lot of RPGs like that but I guess that's not what most gamers expected from a Zelda game there's no Ganon either or at least not until you die well this is the only direct sequel to the original game Zelda's in a sleeping spell and Ganon's been killed turned into red ash now supposedly the other villains are trying to resurrect him by using the blood of Link similar to the hammer Dracula films where they always mix somebody's blood into Dracula's ashes so it's kind of disappointing that the only time you see canon is when the game's over not to mention what's that look like could he possibly be holding his sword in a more suggestive position the object of the game is to go into towns learn magic spells and go to palaces in each palace you find a new item and defeat a boss I've heard some rumor that if you defeat the boss before getting the item the palace will turn to rock and you won't be able to get the item but as far as I'm concerned that's not true at all the palace only turns to rock after you've completed everything one thing I can say is that this game is hard as [ __ ] I think we can all agree with that that doesn't mean the games bad challenge is a good thing but challenge should be given to the player in increments meaning a game should gradually get harder as it progresses and that's where Zelda 2 dropped the ball the first two levels are pretty easy but then it hits you with death mountain holy [ __ ] it's the most difficult part of the game and there's no [ __ ] around you got to go right through it early on these red lizard dudes are on super steroids even if you managed to jump over them they throw their ax [ __ ] [Music] goddamn should they have put this part at the end of the game I mean what could be more dangerous than Death Mountain they got it all mixed up that's not to say the later stages aren't hard but by then you've gained more health your swords stronger and you have all kinds of helpful magic spells to get you through but here you're like a four-year-old trying to fight Hulk Hogan so before you can even try to face death Mountain you have to go mess about fight random enemies get experience points and power up all your [ __ ] you got to get the pee bags what are PBX that's right link collects bags of piss and even when you're all powered up you're lucky if you make it through Death Mountain and the fun doesn't stop there you get the hammer break the block and look for the secret grave that leads the level 3 just to get punished some more [ __ ] you back at the beginning oh that's nice now I got to walk all the way back to the palace and every other Zelda game if you die in one of the palaces or labyrinth or dungeons or whatever it will start you at the entrance but here they decided [ __ ] you you die you go all the way back to square one [ __ ] of course I have to mention the towns it's so peaceful yeah you need a break from all that madness but the townspeople aren't really that helpful hello why even include a character in the game that has nothing to say most famous is this guy I am error well maybe that's just his name that's all maybe it's pronounced ear or in each town there's a woman that restores her health she invites link inside and you never see what's happening in there is she giving him a potion is she performing a magic spell no we all know what's really happening link is like you know getting a little of the OL in-out in-out I mean this isn't little boy link anymore he's grown up now he learns all these special moves like the down thrust the up thrust in there he learns the cont yeah that should be the name of a band but really link deserves to get some because of all this hell he goes through he's not gonna get any from Zelda well then again she's in a sleeping spell what was Linc doing there in the first place no links of poonhound another thing that's fun about the town's is that you can jump on the roof yeah that's fun watch this I'm gonna turn into a fairy wait that's not supposed to happen maybe I shouldn't have done that what the hell no let's see what happens if I go up here and turn no fairy I fell through the floor I don't want to go through the floor but then again what do you expect if you turn to a fairy when your high high up or high on drugs either way you'll see glitches do these skulls ever die you'll kill your thumbs faster than you'll kill this thing [Music] [Music] Oh God tell me this why does link get hurt by bubbles what kind of [ __ ] is he you got to fight some wizard but he's impossible unless you get a magic reflux spell from some guy in a town but before he'll give you the spell you have to rescue some little kid look at that I don't know why but I find that very funny I mean that's great somebody should make a t-shirt of that it's like every time link finds something he has to hold it up imagine having him as a friend hey link have you seen the remote control for the TV oh cool you found it okay yeah you could put that down some of the items are disappointing a candle for instance it automatically lights up the dark areas in the caves but wasn't it more fun when the candle used to shoot fire right in the old man's face the flute doesn't do the same thing either here you use it to get past this huge spider and open level 6 but how are you supposed to guess that in the first game it was for transportation oh and I hate these horse heads the way they move up and down it reminds me of the Medusa's in the Castlevania games yeah anything with a pattern like that these games gave me so much stress as a kid I developed a psychological complex whenever I see wavy lines I get [ __ ] pissed sometimes I try to cheat I turn into a fairy and fly around I know it's really stupid but if you're gonna cheat you might as well be a fairy while you're at it it doesn't work that great anyway you never have enough magic to do it and there's a wall damn you fight the dragon go through a cave and knock down some trees with a hammer to find a hidden town in this town you get a spell try using the spell and the only thing you'll find is that it changes some of the enemies but unlike the rest the spells in the game this one has a secondary function there's a certain spot that seems like a dead end you use the spell here and it makes a temple come out of the ground how are you supposed to know all that unless you read Nintendo power the townspeople don't help that much they might as well just say get the power Nintendo Power yeah it's classic hidden cryptic Nintendo horseshit I always hated this park too these guys pick their heads out over the fence liked in the tool man's neighbor and throw rocks that's child stuff I mean come on throwing rocks once you make it to the last level you can actually restart there if you die so finally the game gives us a little mercy but if you don't have any extra lives it doesn't matter you got to save up all your free guys yeah all those little mini links you find throughout the game save those [ __ ] up you'll need every one of them then you fight the Thunderbird and finally Dark Link sometimes refer to as shadow link this is the final boss in the game and hard as [ __ ] he mimics your every move and will kick your ass well it's impossible I have better luck trying to fight my own shadow god damn you can't beat your own shadow and that's what this game is it's your dark alter-ego that knows more about you than you know yourself I don't know how you could win unless you're really hardcore some gamers are so hardcore with the first game they've actually made it to Ganon without the sword that's insane but people like a good challenge you want a good challenge try beating Zelda 2 with the power glove yeah that's a laugh in conclusion it's still a great game but many consider it the black sheep of the Zelda franchise and understandably it's very different from the first game but obviously Nintendo didn't want to just rehash the same game over again so they tried something new some people were confused and admittedly it had some mixed results but it had a legacy of its own it was the first Zelda game to have to visit and have a magic meter and many games copied its styles such as battle the Olympus and even Rambo bottom line it's a good game but a very frustrating one I'll never beat it as long as I live [Music] [Music] it's time to go back to the past again remember when I was the angry Nintendo nerd reliving the frustrating games from my youth ass well not much has changed but I was never really satisfied with my older videos I've always wanted to go back and complete them the way I originally intended the mick kids video for example I felt like there should have been a dancing scene with Ronald McDonald grimace and the Hamburglar and Dracula and Skeletor I'd also like to go back to the original negative clean them up make them look good as [ __ ] and give him some new enhancement in the Friday the 13th video I shot Jason Voorhees in the head that made me look like a cold-blooded killer I always felt Jason should have shot first I'm just kidding I have no intentions of changing my older videos like that but with all seriousness some of the games I've done I could have covered them a little better mainly the Back to the Future games but first let's take a look at some of the other games that I could have done better justice for example Top Gun even the title card could have used some extra work look how shitty that is oh okay well that's way better I only played through half the game and considering how short it is I really wish I would have shown the ending the final target is a space shuttle that didn't even happen in the movie why are we destroying the space shuttle can't let those [ __ ] go to space oh come on do I really have to land the plane one more time couldn't the game just end right there I accomplished the goal who cares if I crash the plane we'll just say it's a suicide mission a lot of people questioned why I had so much difficulty trying to land a plane so let me explain it better pushing down it makes you go up and up makes you go down for flying games that standard but the on-screen instructions don't make it clear what they're telling you to do does up mean push up or push down the fly up speed up okay now saying up up so is it's still telling me to speed up or fly up or no I'm a [ __ ] [ __ ] it says right there the altitude and speed so just follow the numbers don't pay attention to the flashing instructions you can tell that thing to go [ __ ] its face I'm gonna land this thing oh yeah I'm finally gonna land the plane this time I'm gonna do it for real oh I got it I got I got the speed right but the altitudes off oh good you pass hey if anybody sees that plane can you let me know Who Framed Roger Rabbit I already mentioned the part where you go into the nightclub and find Jessica rabbits phone number it's an actual 800 number that you're supposed to call back then if you call the number you would have heard a recording telling you some game tips how did I resist not calling that number for real let's call it and see if it still works new credit card try collect call back dial one two one five sex talk and we'll call you right back connecting you to hot live talk with horny students housewives and working girls that's one to one 5 mph Wow the number has definitely changed and we now have a Nintendo game that gives a phone number to a sex hotline that is [ __ ] awesome and what about judge doom he's one of the most difficult bosses in videogame history and I barely set a damn thing about him anytime doom hits you it takes a great deal of damage but when you hit him it doesn't do much with such a huge assortment of weapons you'd think that there would be one that inflicts more damage on him but nope he has no weakness all you can do is punch punch punch it may seem easier than it looks but Doom has no clear pattern you got to get lucky and just get him in the right rhythm so you can keep hitting them once you knock them down you think it's all over but no you got to pick up the dip cannon but before he can use it you have to select it like no [ __ ] why wouldn't I want it selected the worst part is that now judge doom kills you with one hit it doesn't matter how full your health is anyone's natural reaction is to tap the button but that won't get you far you have to know to hold down the button and only that way can you be [Music] teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with this episode everybody seems to be happy with it that's fine with me but it could have gone on much further I only showed the first three levels just barely I mentioned the tough jumps in the sewer but this one in particular I've always obsessed over now I got to pay my respects this [ __ ] jump as a kid I spent hours on this part and in twenty-something years it hasn't gotten any easier it's all because of this stupid platform they don't give you any room to make the jump whenever you fall the water current takes you back out to the street then you have to go all the way back through the building before you can even get a chance to try again ah I hate this and don't tell me you just [ __ ] walk over [Music] you can try creeping up on the edge and giving a light tap or you can forcefully jump as hard as you can you'll never make it not without a lot of luck the Technodrome geez anybody who's made it this far knows what I'm talking about before he can even fight the Technodrome you gotta find it first you go in these underground caves fighting the toughest enemies yet they jump all over the place throw lots of [ __ ] and they're too stubborn to die at the end of the cave you'll either find the Technodrome or an empty room so it's back out the way you came each of these caves you're guaranteed to lose one turtle by the time you eventually find which cave has the Technodrome you're lucky if you have any resources left you're beat to hell and here comes this big mecha-giant shooting lightning firing bullets and catapulting an infinite army of foot soldiers sometimes there's so much [ __ ] on the screen the game goes to slow-motion don't you love it when the intend Oh game to do that I have managed to beat the Technodrome after that you go inside wow this Technodrome is huge it didn't look that big on the outside I'm down to one last continue here I'm not gonna make it [Music] now of course everybody's got to understand just because I'm going back to some of the games I've already done that doesn't mean I'm running out of game it's just look back there look at all these [ __ ] games I got plenty of work with but now it's time for the main event [Music] hey I'm having deja vu here it's time to go back to the past to go back to back to the future I revisited this miserable [ __ ] Turk for my childhood and now it's time to revisit my revisiting of it I wasn't satisfied with my incomplete review of it and my lack of attention to the sequels I guess you could say I was a slacker even the shirt I was wearing was all wrinkled I don't know what the hell happened to it but even worse I just threw it on and didn't even take time to button it I already mentioned how the game has nothing to do with the movie you're collecting clocks throwing bowling balls and dodging bees and other bizarre things one thing I didn't elaborate on before is how Marty has some serious problem with his legs where he can't stop walking you think this is a goddamn flying game because you can't stop imagine the problems Marty must go through on a daily basis being cursed to walk for all eternity imagine trying to order at a fast-food restaurant or any restaurant imagine going to work or trying to use a bathroom or fly on a plane he can only stand still when he's behind a counter at a cafe throwing milkshakes anybody who's played this cafe stage knows how unforgiving it is and I've talked about it already but wouldn't you like to know what the rest of the game is like do we ever see Doc Brown or does the DeLorean ever make it appearance or any of the other things from the movie let's find out the rest of the street stages are all the same except they change the color no effort time is money don't design another stage just change the color and kids will think it's different or idiots then we come to an empty classroom where Lorraine I guess is shooting hearts at Marty what is he the teacher all of a sudden and what's he catching hearts for I suppose it's like in the movie where Lorraine has a crush on Marty but that's his mom so he's trying not to let that happen why isn't he avoiding the hearts then oh I see I guess he's catching them in a book or something it's the most literal interpretation of a movie it's about time so let's have clocks it's about romance let's have hearts was this game designed by a human being or did they just feed the movie into a computer to process and then shut out this nonsensical [ __ ] poop once again like the cafe stage you have to score at least 50 points then it's on to more walking stages and after that it's the enchantment under the sea dance where Marty plays guitar what do you do you have to catch musical notes what more did you expect I'll tell you one thing it's certainly no guitar hero or rock band why does Marty play the guitar like a stand-up bass the whole time why is he wearing a boiler suit I guess the same reason is wearing a black muscle shirt where's the red jacket or the suit could they have gotten Marty to look anything like you did in the films and what about the music wouldn't this have been an opportune time to hear earth angel or Johnny be good okay wait a minute it is Johnny on crack if they can make the duck tales theme sound awesome in 8-bit why not this at least you get some different music for once next more walking and finally the DeLorean yes the DeLorean makes an appearance after all this is supposed to be the scene where Marty's trying to get back to the future the streets of Hill Valley are getting slammed with repeated lightning strikes all you have to do here is dodge the lightning that's all why are you dodging lightning anyway isn't Marty trying to get the lightning to hit the DeLorean to generate the 1.21 jigowatts and send them back to 1985 isn't that the whole [ __ ] idea of the movie anyway that's Back to the Future NES no special ending no [ __ ] that music well now that we've seen the whole game we can conclude that it has some relation to the movie but it doesn't have any of the familiar music cues and they'll tell me it was some kind of licensing issue like they were able to license the movie but not the music that belongs with that movie that we all recognize no Back to the Future theme no power love no back in time no Johnny be good well [ __ ] this next came back to the future 2 & 3 this one has the back and time song or at least part of it and the intro scenes follow the movie quite well but then the game starts and you see all these dinosaurs snails and runaway trash cans what the hell happened here it couldn't possibly be any more different from the film in this timeline when Biff brought the sports Almanac to 1955 it somehow created a world full of Piranha Plants killer clouds and evil Marty's I like how it says Back to the Future on the bottom of the screen just to remind you what you're playing otherwise you'd forget it has anything to do with Back to the Future when I first reviewed this game I was being a [ __ ] I never explained how it's played and that's where things get really interesting you're supposed to collect 30 items and bring them all back to their rightful places and times you find the items behind locked doors to unlock the doors you need to find the keys which are found by killing random enemies but the keys don't sit still they fly off the screen the second they appear usually you're not expecting the key so you might not catch it once the keys gone it doesn't return not unless you exit the level and come back even when you get a key most of the doors don't let you in I don't know the reason for this but when you do find the right door you'll get an item but you don't get it right away you have to do some sort of minigame they're all different but the goal is the same to collect all the clocks how original after all that [ __ ] you finally get the item and now you have to find where to take it I know where the game designers can take it but that's another story you have to find another room that's hidden somewhere obscure like under a manhole or inside a pipe once you find this room you think that's it you return the item and then you're off for the next one but no it's not over yet you have to solve a puzzle a scrambled word you select the object from your inventory that corresponds with the scrambled word like if I have a milkshake I have to look at the word and think hmm is that milkshake well it doesn't look like it what if it's supposed to be root beer float how would I know what they're calling it if this is the wrong room that word doesn't belong to the object then you have to leave the room if you try selecting the item you will lose that item and have to go get it all over again it's even more confusing that the objects in the puzzle rooms are never in the same place or time you have to use the DeLorean to travel to the different time zones and there's 30 then 30 items how could it be any worse well guess what there's no save feature who came up with this we're not even allowed to turn off our Nintendo we have to beat the whole game in one clean shot don't be so [ __ ] I played for 2 hours straight without returning a single item I ran from one side of the board to the next travel to different time periods and searched every last inch I just don't know where I'm supposed to go it's hard to even keep track of where you've been after you found and returned the 30 items you're only halfway through you still have part three to deal with geez I could do something much more productive with my time I could learn a new foreign language I could study microbiology I could train Siberian tigers instead I'm degenerating my brain cells into 8-bit pixels at least you can skip to part 3 with a code on the title screen hold B and select then unscramble another word if you know the code you probably know the word why does everything have to be so cryptic why did LJN have to make every NES movie adaptation could they have given somebody else a try no they wanted to incorporate the entire spectrum of awfulness purple for putrid gameplay blue for bad musical abominations green for graphical farts and garlic yellow for piss-poor lack of loyalty to source material orange for aren't you a [ __ ] idiot and red for high stress anger inducing masochism put that altogether you got all the colors of the [ __ ] rainbow hooray LJN I'm [ __ ] pissed enough but now I got one more game Back to the Future 3 on Sega Genesis believe it or not it has the Back to the Future theme but it sounds like ass you what piece of shirt naturally the graphics are big step up going over to a 16-bit console and it represents the film far better than the Nintendo games but there's one fatal flaw the difficulty your Doc Brown on a force trying to save Clara from going into the ravine unfortunately the ground is littered with crates and other random obstacles and the air is filled with birds tomahawks and all kinds of projectiles you get hit once it knocks you off your horse costing you precious time if you fall only a few times you have to start over hazards come without any warning the human brain cannot react as fast as this game demands it's like a memory test the only way to get by is to remember the whole level jump Oh [ __ ] processing stop being so blast it's really hard to distinguish which objects are hazards and which are just there for decoration like this underwear this is a perfect example of a game that starts out way too hard it's only the first level and I can't beat it from what I understand there's only four levels for a Sega Genesis game that's pathetic I guess they were too lazy to design a longer game so they just made it more difficult so it'd take longer to beat that's all oh that [ __ ] song I am so sick of hearing that next time I hear ghost riders in the sky I'm gonna think about going a hundred miles per hour on a horse jumping crates and getting shot at it [ __ ] oh my god three back to future games and they're all [ __ ] horrible oh what's this oh that's right super Back to the Future 2 on the Super Famicom this game must have been so bad it didn't even get an international release I guess I'll give it a try [Music] a good Back to the Future game somebody made a good Back to the Future game and it was only in Japan what the [ __ ] is wrong with this [ __ ] world we get these shitty games but not that one like what the hell why would you do that it's good I mean it's not great but it's the best goddamn Back to the Future game I ever played it's actually a game why burry the gem and dig up the turd innocent people have suffered through these [ __ ] [ __ ] keeps people developed [ __ ] Titus from this [ __ ] people going on to live horrible lives kicking babies in the balls if you want to went back in time and said to people hey hey there's a good Back to the Future game put this [ __ ] down and go to Japan they would have looked at you like you're telling to go teabag a goat on the surface of Mars well thank you for taking a [ __ ] [ __ ] on us all well hope you enjoyed my Nintendo days RiRi visited oh and guess what yeah I hate sentences that begin with that guess what because you know it's never a good thing huh but the fact is I have one more game to revisit I don't want to say what it is let alone even play it but I'm thinking about it [Applause] in May of 2004 I gave a warning about a game called dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde I made it perfectly clear do not play this game but from what I understand people have played it they didn't listen but it wasn't their fault I only showed about one minute of footage from the game and even though I talked about it at great length it didn't do any good I called it a piece of [ __ ] I called it an awful pile of steaming goat [ __ ] but that was honoring it I could have said anything it wouldn't have mattered I could have taken a [ __ ] on it but my own [ __ ] would have been offended to lay on this low some piece of filth just the thought of covering this thing in doodoo is like encasing it in gold I curse the day I ever laid eyes on it I curse the plastic that holds this abomination my words are insufficient in describing the total insult to humanity that this game has provided everything that I've ever said and anything that anybody else has ever said is not enough it must be shown what's up with the guy on the cover anyway he looks more like two-face you know I wonder where this guy is today did he even realize the magnitude of what he's taken part in he's the one who made me want to play this game he meets your eyes with this hypnotic gaze luring you in thinking that you're gonna play something cool but really you've just been fooled like biting into chocolate-covered [ __ ] you know this game was made by Touhou the same company that made the Godzilla films no wonder Godzilla's been extra pissed off lately you know that the proper pronunciation is gqo that's what the author of the novel insisted Robert Louis Stevenson but only the first sound movie got it right which was the one star in Frederick March and every movie since then said jekyll and nowadays that's kind of i know i'm only delaying the inevitable [Music] you know puppy dogs in France in 1951 had it ah all right let's do this [Music] [Music] you [Music] wait a minute that music okay you ever played rygar you know that action-adventure game well listen to this sounds familiar right yeah all right let's play some jekyll and hi [Music] [Music] here's the deal if you die is Jekyll you turn into hi die is Hyde the game's over there's two ways to die is hide number one the traditional way getting hit too many times number two getting as far as Jekyll yeah you know whenever lightning strikes and you drop dead in your tracks for no apparent reason well that's the reason you got too far you see when you're playing as hide you're actually playing the same stage that you played as Jekyll but in Reverse so if you reach the same spot where you died as Jekyll as Hyde then you die is Hyde wrap your head around that the whole idea is to turn back into Jekyll you do this by killing certain creatures which relieve your stress meter get the meter back down and you go back to being Jekyll this is no town like in a Zelda game these people don't want to talk to you oh no they simply want you dead for what reason I cannot imagine your only weapon is a cane but it does nothing when I first played this I thought I was doing something wrong I mean there's got to be some explanation right but no there is none the cane has no purpose whatsoever why would you put a weapon in a game that you can't even use when you're hide it's like playing an entirely different game ah help help I can't walk backward I'm getting scrolled even when the steps come you're forced to jump even though the enemies here look far more threatening you can actually fight back by shooting crazy projectiles that the game calls the psycho wave very creative it certainly travels in a wave-like path and yes I'd call it psychotic too with a pattern like that you have to be lucky to hit anything oh and guess how you pull off the move by pressing up and B yeah up and B not too cryptic but not too obvious either B punches but why would you want to punch when you can shoot it's not like you can run out of ammunition either so the punch is worth the irony here is that when your Jekyll it's unplayable but when your Hyde it actually starts to feel kind of like a [ __ ] game but you're not supposed to let yourself become Hyde as if bad is more fun than being good that's the idea right Jekyll's good Hyde is bad so why the townspeople hate Jekyll should it be Hyde they're fighting against when you're Hyde you're just defending yourself from evil monsters you should be going around the town beating people up walking in a bar starting fights getting drunk raping women and causing a ruckus that's mr. Hyde no instead you're shooting fireballs at ghosts demonic babies and brains with legs now I'm sure the same thing is on everybody's mind does any of that [ __ ] that happens in the game happen in the book well I have read the book and know it doesn't although I can say the game is very true to the original title of the book The Strange Case of dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde because this game is certainly a very strange case indeed supposedly the Japanese version has more levels while the US version replaced them with some of the same levels repeated so I guess the Japanese version is better kind of like eating a skunk versus eating a skunk with a little salt on it all you do is walk to the right don't stop for anything it's not like you can attack anyway just keep walking and walking and walking and occasionally jumping or waiting for a spider to move oh I'm actually out of breath from looking at this why do you walk so slow you know what it's not that you walk slow you walk normal like a real-life human being but everybody else comes flying at you with off piss and vinegar what if the good doctor do to make everybody so upset I could see the townspeople sitting at the local pub talking about him all day yeah I see Jekyll you see him see him walking he just keeps [ __ ] walking I don't like him he's an [ __ ] he wears his underwear backwards he has eyeballs for testicles well a core to the manual Jekyll's on his way to his wedding and the kid with the slingshot named billy pones has a crush on dr. Jekyll's fiancee wow I'm impressed I didn't think there'd be a reason but it doesn't explain all this other [ __ ] who's this jackass with the bomb Phil you just hate it when you're walking down the street minding your own business and somebody puts a [ __ ] bomb in front of you this is the worst part of the game if you get hit by the bomb it takes half your life and sometimes all of it and the range of these bomb blasts is truly remarkable you could be a mile away and it still hits you and each level has about a thousand of them why can't the bomb kill anyone else is the rest of the town immune to bomb explosions even the spiders don't die oh these bees go away what happened I killed a baby I killed something the only thing you can kill in the whole game it's a little tiny stupid [ __ ] bee there's a gravedigger throwing dirt in your face there's a hunter shooting ducks out of the sky that conveniently dropped on your head and there's a singing lady who hurts you with her musical notes honestly that's the explanation that they use in the manual her singing is so bad it hurts you not at all like the music we hear the whole [ __ ] game ah I'm getting pwned by Billy phones I'm getting charged by women and pink dresses I'm getting mutilated by rabid dogs and pissed-off cats watch off the bird [ __ ] the woman walks it's definitely [ __ ] in a Nintendo game and are the birds [ __ ] dog turds yeah look at it they [ __ ] half their own size that's not right bird [ __ ] little white splatter pellets not big brown coiled up poop mounds and they never stop [Music] geez would this be a good reason to call off the wedding I mean he has had quite a day where how the bride's been doing she's probably worried about I don't know her dress or the color of [ __ ] flowers or some [ __ ] next thing the groom shows up covered in bomb ashes and bird [ __ ] sorry honey I'm late I had quite a day the whole all living creatures in the [ __ ] town tried to kill me that's all we'll make some think the church is gonna be any better is the priest gonna throw candles Adam is Jesus gonna climb off the [ __ ] cross and start hitting them with it is that statue taking a piss it's taking a piss oh great now there's birds [ __ ] into the piss fountain this is perfect look at this picture this sums up the whole game when Robert Louis Stevenson wrote his story about a doctor who makes a potion that exposes his inner evil he didn't realize that the potion would become a reality not in the form of chemistry but through a late 20th century interactive electronic apparatus awful music dreadful graphics unspeakable gameplay deceptive enemies unavoidable hazards useless weaponry all mixed together and calculated just right that is a horrible concoction [Music] [Applause] [Music] Robert Louis Stevenson you ruined my life [Music] [Music] [Applause] no I think I get it why it's the best game ever made it's more than a game it exposes the dual nature of the human spirit the only way to win the game is to be gentle but you want to be heid so you can shoot [ __ ] you see it's a constant battle between good and evil and Jeckle must stay farther along his path and hide if high gains the lead then evil will triumph over good and that's the true conflict to the human soul and to deny the evil completely would only force it into the subconscious mind like a city broken into different social classes people don't want to step outside their own boundaries like Jekyll wandering into the wrong section of town he's unwelcome nevertheless he must abide by his own good nature no wonder the cane doesn't work the game does not reward you for acting upon your malevolent intentions it's a proposed guideline for set of morality rules to be programmed in real life it uses the Victorian era as a fundamental depiction of outward respectability and inward lust it's a metaphor for social and geographical fragmentation it alludes the Freud theory of repression in which unacceptable desires or impulses are excluded from the conscious mind and left to operate on their own in the unconscious or you could just say the game [ __ ] sucks what's the point it's all gonna be dust one day [Music] Lester the unlikely it's unlikely that this is gonna be a good game okay title screen guys swinging on vine like every other jungle adventure game then comes the story your Lester a comic book geek who wanders onto a dock and then okay I have no faith in this character already if he's gonna go to sleep on a piece of cargo that's being loaded onto a ship he becomes an involuntary stowaway the ship's raided by pirates and Lester swims to a nearby tropical island that's where the game begins now that is the most embarrassing walk cycle I've ever seen what's he doing the hell is that about jump what is he jumping in the air now oh come on he can't even jump without getting hurt this guy needs to take lessons from Mario you're not allowed to jump from too great a height you have to stand on the edge face the opposite direction and gently lower yourself down it's tedious and it takes a while to learn it's not that uncommon there were other games with a similar control scheme like Prince of Persia out of this world and Nas farhat to which all use the same style of rotoscoped animation but this is just annoying half the time Lester does things against your own will I didn't do that the game did have you ever had a game character disobey go near the damn turtle why does he keep running what's so threatening about a [ __ ] turtle run Lester run get away from that turtle that turtle might charge really fast I figured out that you can kill these crabs by kicking and yes that puny little kick is your only means of attack air humping I don't know that does but you can't hump the turtle I'm trying to jump on this thing but it's not working you can't jump on the turtle oh you kick it why didn't I think of that before jumping on the turtle I really gotta stop thinking about Mario am I supposed to get up there I push the rock yes I have to do the whole level all over again this game is ass gravy the next levels inside a cave and now things are becoming very labyrinth like on top of bad control I don't even know where to go ah dudu the only way to find out what's below is to drop down oh come on that time I didn't even let go ah you can't even jump and grab on a Ledge without taking damage you know what it is you're just not allowed to take shortcuts it has to be as slow and diligent as possible what a fussy game Oh No why do so many games have to have bats ah duty I don't have time to climb down this is a moment when being able to jump would be really helpful I ain't mad I [ __ ] hate this is a penis shaped piss stain on the face of gaming I'd rather [ __ ] the Wicked Witch of the West I'd rather play a CDI game yeah like the flowers of robert mapplethorpe [Music] [Applause] [Music] no I wouldn't what's this I never noticed this rock before can I pick it up oh my god now I feel like an idiot but I can't really blame myself I thought the rock was just part of the scenery how is anyone supposed to distinguish it from all this other crap oh great the dead end rock doesn't do anything okay there's a treasure chest I'll open the lock by just ricocheting a rock against a wall a ruby cool wait I can't keep both the rock and the Ruby are you kidding me you can't hold a weapon an item at the same time why even have two boxes then and there we go off to the next level now he's afraid of totem poles this guy sucks now we got to jump earthquakes and fire and [ __ ] this isn't the kind of game that should require platforming jumping skills once you land on a sinking platform you're stuck you don't even get a chance to jump back to safer ground why does he stand still it's like he's asking to die after all it's the same guy who slept on a cargo platform just let him die who wants to play as a weak pathetic character like this wouldn't you rather be a tough guy isn't that the whole point of playing a game to feel empowered to be someone you're not I mean I get it he's supposed to be a nerd well this nerd makes me look like Charles Bronson Steve Urkel could beat the [ __ ] out of this guy I think this whole thing was an experiment to create the world's worst video game character no wonder why he didn't get his own sequels I can imagine what Lester the unlikely two would have been like the game would start and you couldn't even move all that happens Lester pulls down his pants sucks his thumb and [ __ ] the third game you couldn't even get past a title screen all that happens you push start and Lester falls down in farts the fourth game doesn't even work at all you just put it in your superintend oh the fifth game isn't even a game it's just a bag of [ __ ] that says Lester the unlikely 5 on it and there's a new one coming on the ps4 using the latest state-of-the-art technology of constructing the disc out of orangutan diarrhea just turned out that was the only way and it really gives blu-ray a run for its money and the original Lester will always be a classic that's improved like wine wine that's made from fermented rat piss with a fine aroma of the dead fly swarmed carcass of a three-day-old deer with the delicate crisp flavor of skunk farts with highlights of a sweat the palette is rich with hints of residual dried poop crust from a truckstop bathroom goes down with a long-lasting finish a fly covered summer Harbor trash [ __ ] this game and you know what [ __ ] all games I'm gonna watch some TV yeah TV nowadays sucks [Music] every gamer down in game ville liked Christmas a lot but the nerd who lived just north of game Ville did not he stood there on Christmas Eve staring down from his cave with a sour nerdy frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town ah Christmas that time of year when everyone gets an awesome new video game but the ones I always get are so unspeakably lame wall street kid is a game about cash and stocks might as well fill my Christmas socks with trash and severed cat [ __ ] toki going apeshit I admit you can't move while spitting and die in one hit killing time on three do it doesn't give you enough ammo your parents paying 50 bucks for a game where you shoot the [ __ ] out of ducks really sucks I'd rather eat the sea skunk yeast and play inferior arcade ports like altered beast altered beast is a nut kicking feast I can't stand in the least then there's games that are so ridiculously hard giving a reasonable challenge is something the programmers disregard Last Action Hero I can't even pass the first stage getting whacked to death by Ernest P Worrell sends me into a fit of rage Double Dragon on Atari what is this [ __ ] I can't even get up and score one-hit scat stands for special cybernetic attack team but the droppings of carnivorous mammals is what the word scat really means it's as close as you can get to a Nintendo game called [ __ ] balls is an aptly named travesty on SNES that makes no sense and is a cockamamie but brain mess I'd be so letdown playing on Christmas morning but a game with a clown should have come as a warning all those young gamers get to play something he or she enjoys while I get the ones with terrible graphics and awful noise noise noise if they play two seconds of ultraman they throw that junk I reckon back to Japan they puke at the nauseating effect of marsupilami the camera jumps with the character and that's a bunch of [ __ ] sauce and salami they take an axe to Mad Max they take offense to taboo the sixth sense they'd shrieks squeaks and squeals racing around with Bigfoot's uncontrollable wheels they tried kicking and pit fighter like there's lead weights tied to their heels they try skating and skater died without falling flat on their face while staring at Rodney Dangerfield with a mohawk such a disgrace the kids today have their first-person shooters they talk on their headsets and go online with their advanced computers they play their music and rhythm games go jumping around and swinging when those morning Christmas bells are ringing they're rocking out in their living rooms jamming and singing they sing and they'd sing and make sing sing sing sing and the more the nerd fault of this Christmas sing the more the nerd fought and must stop this whole thing I put up with this long enough now I have to find a way to start Christmas from coming but how then he got an idea an awful idea the nerd got a wonderful awful idea I know just what to do the nerd laughed in his throat I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat in a close and he chuckled and clucked what a great nerdy trick with this coat in this hat I'll look just like st. Nick while all the gamers are asleep tonight I'll give him some games they can play all right you're a mean one mr. nerd you're really our jar you're shameless as the [ __ ] mop you've got mischief in your smirk [Music] I wouldn't when you're playing Atari buzzer [Music] the nerd slay started down toward the town where the gamers Laius news without care when he came to the first little house on the square this is stop number one the old nerdy Claus hissed he climbed to the roof and bags of shitty games in his fist then he dug down the chimney a bit absurd but if Mario could do it then so could the nerd then he stuck his head out of his fireplace with a game of stockings orthogonal row these stockings he grinned are the first things to go then he slithered and slunk so silent and Swift around the whole room he took every gift he took all the games that would make the kids happy and replace them with ones that were terribly crappy the free Stooges north and south - space head captain america the punisher bill and ted T&C surf design that one's pretty good like a rat's ass they'd like it they would it's by LJN that's all you need to know it's the worst surfing experience you'll ever undergo the controls blow and there's a cat in a tuxedo a gorilla some masked men it's really a freak show you move around staying adrift on a motionless tide one wrong move and it's the end of your ride even if you're doing fine you'll suddenly get hit by a bird it's as much fun as ringing the stank juice out of a turd skating may be the best part but it's still just as delightfully tart as a broccoli bean burrito eating skunk that's ready to fart you're a vile one mr. nerve [Music] you're lucky and you're wicked for your graphics bowl of cold mr. Duggar is charming and fun we bear we'll see how they like circus caper it's as fun as inhaling Chewbacca's anal vapor you're running around knocking down carnival performers and the crowd are all clowns why are the clowns in the audience and not in the show why they spell the name of the game what shame we'll never know when you punch people items fly straight up in the air that's unfair makes me rip out my hair the hell with Sir Isaac Newton they don't care what goes up must come down not in this game they were just [ __ ] around what turkeys worked on this murky mess of monkey jerky some quirky jackass from Albuquerque punching kicking lunging and sticking short-range attack bending way back like a broom somewhat been shoved up your butt what's that bonus stages to keep score what for since Atari score doesn't matter anymore when you die you go back only one chance cut me some slack in this stage I'm flying around I'd like to stay up but they forced me to go down there's no buffer you can't touch the bottom of the screen killed by invisible airspace the stupidest thing I've ever seen tiny elephant's a kangaroo in a ring a guy with a sword all crazy things thrown soccer balls at a [ __ ] sack what were they smoking crack jumping in and out of magic hats fighting over meat with white cats save the girl why am I not thrilled she was a target for knife throwing too bad she didn't get killed how about puss and boots that one really sucked dodging eagle poop in a car man it's [ __ ] nothing's more high-class than the Statue of Liberty going right up your ass Puss in Boots appeared on the title screen to fist to the North Star what's that mean a fist coming out of a star gee that's bizarre one tiny jump takes you to the top of the screen damn you almost touch the score what are you on a trampoline trying to break blocks just can't hit the spot with those white socks just kick till you rot walking so slow why can't you run so tedious that's no fun the boss exploded after I died a random guy vanished what did he just hide going upstairs where am I now there's no continuity I don't see how one minute I'm here one minute I'm there I just reappear anyplace anywhere guys jumping through the roof this game is so glitch now they're coming through the floor what's going on such a [ __ ] you can't go in most of the doors like this big one how can you ignore finding the right door is such a chore come on where do I go what a bore finally when you do find the right door how do you go in want to know the way not up not down by pressing right B an a how much were they drinking why is it so stinking I'm staring unblinking what were they thinking [Music] [Music] your mouth is full of cuts your mind is all over you the three words that describe you are it was in the morning lights when all the gamers began to rise and in the Nerds delight eagerly listened in on their surprise I know just what they'll do those swine's to play those horrible games the Christmas will be ruined like all mine the nerd put his hand to his ear and he did hear their sounds growing fast at first they were aghast why then they started to laugh every game of down in Gainesville the tall and small was playing with the worst games of all he hadn't ruined Christmas it came just the same the nerd with his nerd feet ice-cold in the snow stood puzzling and puzzling how could it be so it came with bad dudes it came with Swamp Thing it came with Goonies Waldo and ring King he puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore then the nerd fault of something he hadn't before maybe bad games it'll be he rode into game ville to the girls and boys he brought back their presence all their games and their toys both the good and the bad the outdated and the rad the notorious and nifty and the PlayStation frees the Xbox 360 and the Nintendo weeds he brought everything back all the games for the face and he himself the nerd beauty welcome Christmas bring your cheer cheer to all the gamers far and near welcome Christmas while we play some pretty [ __ ] shitty games today [Music] oh no time to play a shitty game for the 98 [ __ ] time daydreaming Davey should I even care who the hell Dave he is oh no it's how don't trust anything called how actually the same company created Kirby and developed Super Smash Brothers maybe this won't be so bad then oh no I just jinx the whole thing well as you probably guessed from the title this is all about a kid who daydreams starts out Davies in school and a bully steals his pencil so he's got to get the pencil back man that's some epic storyline right there so Davey falls asleep in class and dreams he's in the Middle Ages it's like your typical zelda-esque adventure but instead of trying to save a princess and save the lives of everyone in the land from evil forces it's all about getting a pencil right from the beginning you're stuck behind some rocks I guess I can't go past them so I'll just go right oh you can't go right hmmm maybe you push the rocks out of the way no they don't move maybe I jump over them mmm a attacks B does nothing well I guess I can't jump then suppose I'm done with this game Oh B and a you have to hit them at the same time ah you know what I love in games when you get some kind of item that gives you invincibility or stops time but only lasts about three seconds and how the enemies can go through trees but you can't that's really fair then you get to a large Knight named lumper when you beat him you'll get the Lance which is supposed to represent Davey's pencil why does he care so much about a [ __ ] pencil was he planning to take it home after school and shove it up his ass or something then he starts telling the teacher he was lost in this forest as if he was really there but the [ __ ] teachers gonna believe him so she cuts him off and says it's artwork time get ready to draw draw draw like it's a chore what he goes to sleep again he falls asleep again that's the one time in school I wouldn't fall asleep I mean during my normal classes I'd be drawing on the pages of my math book and [ __ ] that's the whole point you draw when you're bored of school he should have fallen asleep during math class or something boring that the game programmers really not know the difference between something the kids like and something they don't like I love how they depict going into the dream world with a trippy vortex it's like something out of an Atari game so now we're in the Old West there's vultures [ __ ] exploding bloody diarrhea Oh gross and what's going on here what's going on here you can't walk behind the store that makes no sense [Music] oh sorry I was just daydreaming about playing a better [ __ ] game so the object here is to catch a bad guy why would a kid be buying guns and going after a criminal well it's his fantasy whatever you don't see that in games too often today imagine Call of Duty playing as a seven-year-old anyway you go in this building a guy starts shooting you and you die this is the only park that uses a [ __ ] targeting system I move the cursor right over his dick nose and shoot but he still kills me oh I see you gotta shoot the gun well duh I should have guessed that right anyway another lame cutscene and you end up in ancient Rome I walked all around here found a bow in some building some lady tells me not to cross the bridge before I get a shield well I got a thing by a tree that I thought was the shield so I went back across the bridge then a bunch of psychedelic flashes started [ __ ] up the screen apparently that wasn't the shield the game tricked me by putting a circular shaped object on the ground come on why not let me know just have a sign that says not the shield so I keep searching around and eventually find the shield I guess it's a shield looks like a bull's-eye or I don't know daisy ducks nipple or something now I'm back at the bridge no trippy side effects this time now it's time to face the Cyclops you use the shield to deflect his attack I think okay never mind I'm dead oh that's great I have to start from the beginning of the stage and I have to find the bow and the shield all over again alright it didn't take me that long but guess what there's no more shield what the hell this is the same guy I killed last time isn't it so now the game just isn't going to give me the shield well I tried it again and again and I figured out what the problem was you're not supposed to kill the guy you're supposed to touch him that's right so the first time I got lucky this is the one guy you're supposed to touch if you kill him the shield dies with them makes a lot of sense so now it's time to fight the Cyclops again but first some advice from this statue of I don't know Aphrodite or whoever the [ __ ] it's supposed to be the Cyclops is not truly dead until his eye is pierced okay let's try it out come on come on all right he's dead I didn't really aim at his eye so I don't know what she was telling me about stupid lying [ __ ] how about tell me when I have to aim at somebody's gun that would help so here I am back in the Middle Ages and I got a fight a huge badass Knight well that Cyclops took a lot of abuse so I'm thinking this guy's gonna be even harder nope just slash at him a few times and that's it don't you love games with totally sporadic difficulty then you get a sword but of course it's a dream so when he wakes up it's a ruler he's holding why is he so excited about a ruler does he want to measure his turds then the teacher says what are you doing you're gonna see the principal for this for what for measuring his turds in class then the principal starts yapping away which sends Davie back to sleep what is he on medication or something why can't he stay awake okay so now I'm in ancient Rome again we're only five stages in did they run out of ideas oh wait never mind now I'm in hell literally I'm in hell I gotta talk to some skeleton who says to get a coin or else I can't take his boat ride why would I want to get on a boat with some creepy skeleton anyway now I gotta leave Hell to go find a coin because hell is cheap and there's no currency down there I got a hint that the coin could be in a tree so now I'm running all over the place whacking every tree with my sword well damn I just tried every tree in the whole stage I don't know where else oh of course it's the tree in the very beginning you got to go all the way back to the first [ __ ] trees you see so take the damn coin back to hell give it to the skeleton and he takes you on his boat to the other side of the river fight Cerberus the three-headed dog and after that it's back to the Middle Ages again but wait now it's a winter wonderland what's this a pile of [ __ ] seriously that's what it looks like what else could it be fight the big night and then it's back to the Wild West again well I guess the stages just repeat a lot so get used to it the sheriff has Davey go over to a bank to fight some robbers now I ran out of bullets so I'm gonna try using my whip but that doesn't work the whip does nothing so all I have left is a stick of dynamite well that got him but it's a little excessive kind of like robbing a bank with an atom bomb well now I'm [ __ ] out of luck no bullets and no more dynamite so this time I restock look at that 99 bullets I'm ready to go come on is this guy gonna die oh okay I used all 99 bullets and it didn't do anything maybe I'm supposed to go somewhere else like go to the right nope I'm exploring every inch of the screen here Oh only at the very bottom can you cross into the next screen wouldn't it be nice if there was something indicating which spot on the screen you're allowed to go right what's this a hooker she asked if I need some help really there's a Nintendo game where a hooker tries to sell herself to a kid now this whole thing is worth it well actually she just gives you a relic and you can trade that for a shotgun so you can kill those robbers the next stage is ancient Rome again now it's like a maze okay so I'm dead then it asks me if I want to start from here again do I want to start from here yes I would like that very much what I'm at the beginning of the stage that's not what I chose you lying [ __ ] sack of [ __ ] then you fight the Medusa this is probably the hardest boss in a game because you can't look at her when her eyes flash or else you'll turn to dust finally when you kill her you grab her head off the ground you know what would be really awesome if Davy woke up here and had the teachers decapitated head in his hands yeah so then it's on to Mount Olympus I'm in the sky okay here I use the shield to block the spears the controls are stiff though I press the button to have the shield come up and it only works half the time after you kill a guy it lets you jump these gaps with the flying sandals but you can only jump after you've killed an enemy why why can't Davy just jump over and run past all these guys why does the game force me to fight each individual enemy Oh guess I went the wrong way oh and when you throw a spear make sure the soldiers full bodies are on the screen if they're off-screen even partially it won't hit them classic video game logic if you didn't actually see the spear hit then it didn't happen so now we're in the Middle Ages for the 10th million time you go pick up elmo's inside out [ __ ] and then go through winner land and dark evil land or whatever and fight a giant skeleton Knight I'm guessing this is the end of the game after all the crap I went through to get here yeah he's dead what now I need a key oh my god find the key I'll find the [ __ ] key piece of [ __ ] okay got the key when the door now I'm fighting a dragon nothing special just hit it with the sword a bunch of times then you get the holy grail I had to take a leap of faith earlier and now the Holy Grail if only there was a big fight on top an army tank so Davy wakes up and the principal's like where did you get that trophy so now Davey's actually bringing back objects from his dreams does this make any sense you don't be cool if Freddy Krueger came out and clawed his [ __ ] face off then the teacher puts on a film of the Wild West Davy falls asleep and now we're on the last stage thank God why is the Wild West at the end we just fought a big dragon that should have been the last stage anyway you find another object that looks like a piece of crap it transports you to another piece of crap and eventually to hell then you're in a graveyard shooting out more robbers then you got to shoot the gun out of the guy's hand again this time there's three these guys in a row after that you've beaten the game couldn't they come up with something unique for a final boss rather than just rehashing something we've already done not to mention I hate this part I hate that you have to position a cursor over the gun couldn't they have made this into a more action-oriented boss fight like in sunset riders there's nothing enjoyable about this well that's it basically that's daydreaming Davey that's the whole game mediocre that's what it is so until next time get a dream something I have a bad feeling about this we're gonna play a bunch of Star Wars games the movies were a prime target for video game adaptations they were full of all kinds of action set-pieces with battles taking place in space and on land lightsaber duels speeder bike chases they had lovable characters great storylines and a classic mythology that was ripe for expanding upon in the world of gaming so how did it [ __ ] that up let's find out our journey begins innocently enough with the Atari 2600 [Music] this is the first Star Wars game or at least the first Atari version based on the first movie it follows the same format as the arcade version which came out before it focuses on only one scene from the movie the climactic rebel attack on the Death Star it's unimpressive to say the least but for the time it was ambitious to try and create a 3d perspective and besides the Atari 2600 is well known for not being able to live up to the arcade standards of quality the Empire Strikes Back again only borrowed from one scene the fight against the Imperial walkers on the planet Hoth unlike the other game this follows the two-dimensional side-scrolling format similar to games like defender all you do is shoot down an infinite army of walkers while avoiding their laser beams did that blast just come from its ass are these walkers or are these dogs shooting out airborne turds they take a lot of hits you just keep shooting them until they change different colors and eventually explode the control is fluent the longer you drive the joystick the more momentum your ship gains return the Jedi focuses on the second Death Star battle it figures out of all the scenes that could have chosen they go with the space scene you know why because Atari loved space the best way to describe Atari in a nutshell is spaceship shoot laser boom that's it just the amount of games that begin with the word star is overwhelming or damn space what was this the [ __ ] Space Age of gaming if this game wasn't called Star Wars it would just seem like any other Atari game the controls are similar to the classic asteroids even though I said they picked the space scene there actually was another Return of the Jedi game that focused on the Ewok stage that's one way to make more money split them up into two different games however the Ewok game was never released the object is to get closer to the Death Star so you can destroy it but unfortunately there's a giant dance floor in space stretching out for infinite light-years you have to wait for a hole to appear go in the hole now you engage the Deathstar going with the dance theme I think this would be a better game if you were trying to destroy a giant disco ball yeah the storyline is that disco is coming back and you got to stop it it will be called disco [ __ ] yourself but now I'm just thinking out loud so you keep shooting away at the Death Star blasting away all the pieces hoping that you can make all the pieces go away before all your brain cells do the same once you have a clear shot for the center it's time to go boom there is another game called Jedi arena it's supposed to be based on the scene in Star Wars a new hope where Luke is training with that flying metal orb thing so you're waving your lightsaber back and forth deflecting electric charges I guess the ideas that deflect them to the other player or computer the best way I can describe this it feels sort of like playing pinball when the ball is stuck somewhere and you just keep jamming the flippers back and forth and vain there you have the Atari star wars games not so good but its Atari so it's excusable but now we're moving on to the Famicom this game was only released in Japan it never came out on the NES you know that could mean one of two things either it was the only good one or the worst of all let's see the cutscenes are promising enough until you get to the gameplay Luke has black hair even though it's blond in the cutscenes oh never mind let's get on with it I'm dead already all it takes is one hit couldn't there be a life bar ah this lightsaber sucks it goes right through the enemies you can only hit them when they're really close oh come on I jumped over that you're telling me if I'm anywhere near a projectile I get a hit but when I'm trying to hit an enemy I have to be precise that's real fair so now I'm inside the job with sandcrawler murdering some stormtroopers and birds now I'm fighting Darth Vader already he's inside the sandcrawler because why oh well who cares [Music] did that happen in the movie did that happen in any of the movies did Darth Vader say to Luke I am your father and I am also a [ __ ] scorpion no it's not true that's impossible why is Darth Vader turn into a [ __ ] scorpion that doesn't even happen the special editions there is no version of Star Wars in this universe or timeline or any other store of it where Darth Vader turns into a [ __ ] scorpion I need a beer hey where's my beer droid hey come on bring me beer yeah that's my beer droid okay all right okay yeah yeah all right come on come on the next stage you're in the land speeder mowing down stormtroopers well this is easy the stormtroopers can't even harm you with their laser blasts if you hit a wall you lose the land speeder but other than that you're invincible okay so I guess he's going into the moss Eisley bar that's the famous scene in the movie where Lucca meets han Solo but one thing I didn't know was that they allow land speeders in the bar what does Luke just crash his way in [Applause] it's quite interesting actually in this version Luke gets the bar so fast I bet Han and Greedo we're still talking at the table you know who shot first Han or Greedo whatever actually neither one of them did Luke kills Greedo with his land speeder right after han says over my dead body so Luke comes through crashing with the [ __ ] land speeder I want to see that in the next special edition now we're already flying away in the Millennium Falcon you don't even get to see the inside of the bar we've already established that this game has nothing to do with the movie so at this point I just like to see what kind of ridiculous [ __ ] could go on in there but no we don't even get a cutscene nothing after a pitifully standard space shooter stage we're back to side-scrolling again game over that Darth Vader breathing or is that the sounds of the ocean now I start from the beginning yep it's one of those games no continues three lives one-hit deaths simple as that you make three mistakes you go all the way back to the beginning there's little in the way of one ups no password system and no stage selects code doesn't matter how far you get if you die you're doing it all over even on the novice setting it's still hard the odds of successfully navigating through this miserable [ __ ] keep is 3,720 to 1 there's certain Jedi powers you can use to help yourself through but you only get these for a limited time the only way to progress is through trial and error you need to familiarize yourself with the layout like here I thought I could jump down that waterfall but nope that's the wrong way each time I play this I progress a little farther than the last but if only I didn't have to keep playing the earlier stages over and over again after the 20th [ __ ] time I've burned out this is worse than a piece of [ __ ] it's a whole [ __ ] the NES got a different Star Wars game hold on no LJN it's a movie based game it's on Nintendo and it wasn't made by LJN then it might have a chance it starts out with a shitty driving stage it would be nice if you could just point the speeder in the direction you want to go but it has to have that backwards ass control like Roger Rabbit and Dick Tracy I hate that [ __ ] it also happens to be one of those where the [ __ ] do I go kind of games if you haven't played the game before you can spend hours searching for the right place the first time I had no clue I'm supposed to go straight to the sandcrawler to find r2d2 once inside it turns into a side scroller luckily it's a huge improvement over the Japanese version the controls are more fluent and you actually have a life bar thank God it still manages to be a very difficult game one thing that's kind of annoying if you fall from too great a height you take damage does that happen in Super Mario Brothers no it doesn't you find these elevator shaft things that make Luke shoot up into the air but they land you on a conveyor belt then you get hit by these metal garbage can lids those conveyer belts can go [ __ ] a dick there's our - I'll [ __ ] the conveyor [ __ ] then you drive out to Maus Eisley to find Han and get the Millennium Falcon here there's actually a stage inside the bar unlike the other game it's unfeasible to beat this stage with a blaster you have to get the lightsaber before coming here so [ __ ] the bar first go to the cave yeah it's some cave where obi-wan gives Luke the lightsaber it's not clear at all where you're supposed to go first and besides why would obi-wan give Luke the lightsaber in a cave now that I have the lightsaber the bar stage is much easier but the next stage starts kicking my ass again all these bounty hunters are around blown me to smithereens jump jump ah I made it through the hangar I'm at the Millennium Falcon flying in space getting annihilated by asteroids that kill in one hit you got to collect shields for the ship which can only be found back at the hangar of course too bad I didn't know that because now I got to do the whole game over okay so I went through the whole game again and now I'm back at the hangar this time making sure to collect the shields now the flying stage is much easier and after that it's time for the Death Star unfortunately the Death Star is a confusing maze of elevators where do I go wouldn't it be nice to have a map or a compass anything to help me navigate my way instead it's a guessing game man I don't know how the stormtroopers deal with this [ __ ] even worse one of the elevators can only be found by taking a dive try that anywhere else and it would drop you to your death once you get Leia she becomes a playable character fortunately she can jump way better than Luke but it's not gonna help too much because this whole stage is full of spikes if you touch them you die that's it even if you touch the side of a spike you died this is a cruel joke think about every game that has spikes or any sort of prickly hazards that cover the walls imagine all that combined and multiplied a million times even worse you go into this anti-gravity rumery get sucked up to the ceiling against your own will ah man the only way to beat an outrageously difficult game like this is to cheat like I hear a lot of people use emulators with savestates you know that would be pretty handy I guess but you don't be better how about just a button you press that makes the game beat and that's why I invented the betta game button yeah all you do if you're playing a really hard game you just push the button and the game's beat let's try it out Ninja Gaiden 2 ooh that's a hard game oh man oh [ __ ] I'm getting my ass kicked Legend of Zelda beat it Megaman [Music] beat it you never thought you'd beat a hard game like that not without the betta game button alright all you games consider your ass beat [Music] all right back to Star Wars [Music] rusty hunkajunk Empire Strikes Back is our next game it starts out in hot like the movie ooh what's this the lightsaber is the weapon of a Jedi yeah thanks thanks for interrupting the game that tell me that might as well tell me cows go Moo for the most part this game sticks to the same format as the first Star Wars on it yes but the control still takes some time to get used to it doesn't help that you start out riding on at on time you can get on and off and if you get off at the wrong time you can get stuck until I found out you can jump higher by first holding down it's like Super Mario Brothers to you duck down and it charged as you jump that would have been much more useful information to tell me instead of the lightsaber as the weapon of a Jedi and what's this the program engineer shows his face I wish it was Fred Foxx you can collect different force powers new choose the falls instead of use the force it's choose the force that's clever though I gotta give him credit for the digitized speech sounds better than Ghostbusters even Darth Vader's breathing sounds accurate for some reason the tonton eats this nasty fungus on the ground yeah yummy eat that [ __ ] whatever it is the part where I get really [ __ ] is when I'm trying to jump on the glaciers and these droids keep shooting from all over the place aiming the blaster is not as self-explanatory as it looks you think it is point with the d-pad but no it just shoots were a little bucket once now fighting the whopper it takes like 9 million hits to kill and look how easy this is I could just stand here and he'll never get me next is a flying stage where you shoot down the Imperial walkers even tie them up with the cable like in the movie then you're inside the rebel base where you can hijack a walker the strange thing is that Luke actually destroys it before hopping in I saw it explode and collapse but now it's perfectly operational then you're in the Dagobah swamp enemies pop out of nowhere and the vines must have been greased with oil because I keep slipping off and of course there's that classic [ __ ] where you have to leap off a ledge in good faith this swamp stage is from hell oh my god that's where I reached my limit because the games too hard there was no Return of the Jedi game not on NES I guess they knew when to stop hey beer droid to be fair the NES games aren't that bad they have decent graphics music and are somewhat faithful to the movies if it hadn't been for insane difficulty I wouldn't shake two shits at it the difficult nature of the Star Wars games was like a tradition and carried into the 16-bit era on the SNES there was the whole trilogy and the force is strong with these ones these were called the super Star Wars games rightfully so from the beginning they look and sound just like the movies although on the main menu screen of the first game mark Hamill's face is a little messed up they follow the movies well and take liberties only when necessary you'll recognize all the famous scenes from The Hoff battle to the duel with Vader you even get to play as the appropriate character for each stage Luke Han Solo Leia chewy even wicket the Ewok there's a nice variety of side-scrolling stages 3d flying stages to define stages and POV flying stages the voices are great to hear more core not very oh don't cry the bosses are huge and always keep you wondering what's gonna happen next it also has one of the most awesome attacks in any side scroller you can perform a double jump and spin the lightsaber round I find myself using this move all the time interesting to note that in the newer Star Wars movies you see the Jedi doing this kind of thing more often sometimes the action is so intense it's like blast proccesing on though chu is going nuts Chuy's going nuts the only downside is that it is extremely difficult even on the easy setting these games are relentless in the first game there's this landspeeder stage where you're going around crashing into piles of [ __ ] a series of tricky platforms that require some lucky jumps false jumps that lead to nowhere enemies that take way more hits than necessary power-ups that come way later than needed descending platforms that make you think you're going somewhere but take you into lava with no warning enemies that freeze you over and over and boss battles that go on for an eternity why'd all of these bosses have such long life bars [Music] there is a frustration factor but there's a balance between frustration and fun these games are mostly fun they can be annoying but they're annoying enough that you still want to keep playing shadows of the empire on Nintendo 64 was when Star Wars games start getting really good and showed that there was a bright future for more games in the franchise and that they didn't always have to follow the movies exactly they could invent their own side stories and expand on the Star Wars universe this game for example takes place between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi though it begins with Empire the battle on Hoth was amazing for the first time we really felt like we were playing the movie we've come a long way since this things have changed we have taken a step into a much larger world of course we had to stop somewhere because there's a whole galaxy of Star Wars related games so this could have gone on and on there's Star Wars rebel assault dark forces Jedi Academy Rogue Squadron Battlefront Star Wars chess Lego Star Wars Star Wars puzzle blaster Star Wars podracer Jar Jar Binks bingo Death Star builder 3.0 Chewie Wookiee cookie cookin stormtrooper Tenace Jabba's farts unleashed that was a good one wedges wedgie Attack fishing for Akbar's super sift [ __ ] toss tournament Edition Boba Fett's name game find his name in the [ __ ] movies governor Tarkin vs. Count Dooku [Applause] [Music] [Music] what's the difference all these games suck all these games suck - I'm surrounded by filth might as well just cover my walls and [ __ ] I'm living in [ __ ] [ __ ] video games he wasted so many hours of human life with this crap we failed in our existence when we were cursed with the technology to infect such horrible mind rotting catastrophes we're better in the [ __ ] medieval times we were just sitting on a riverbank playing with [ __ ] rocks this game sucks then this game sucks that this game sucks then this game sucks [ __ ] thing barely even works and this [ __ ] thing this drunken ring and this [ __ ] thing at this [ __ ] and this [ __ ] thing and this [ __ ] thing and this [ __ ] thing and this [ __ ] thing and this [ __ ] thing I don't like them well where we gonna play this time gyromite that was one of the original NES launch titles ya like duck on Excitebike and super mario brothers all the initial classics let's try it out robot gyro well that's a good sign when the title of the game isn't the same as on the [ __ ] cover okay I get it this is like some kind of two-player co-op mode okay well I was pretty sure I picked one player I did the 1 player mode is a 2 player game the first player controls a professor and the second player controls the gates you both got to work together in the 2 player mode the only difference is that the 2 players alternate back and forth so either way it's a co-op game ok so I need a second player who the hell am I gonna get to play this [ __ ] with me I will play I am Bob robotic operating buddy okay cool a robot here you go error does not compute requires adaptive device it's a controller you play it I do not have thumbs you boron requires adaptive device location bottom drawer three point six centimeters depth front right corner nine point one centimeters okay distant correct place controller - tray align actuators with buttons okay I get it you push these little things and they activate the buttons that's a little excessive but whatever all right Rob you got all your stuff you all set let's play insufficient must-have gyros gyro down [Music] damn gyro you idiot that is not a gyro I know I tried what you want me to go to [ __ ] Greece bottom drawer [Music] okay so these are the gyros in other words spinning tops they come with a spinner which takes a D battery on top of the fourth double age you'll need four Rob when you place a gyro on the spinner it does just that it spins man does this thing spin you're probably sharpen a pencil on it [Music] now this whole setup is like something Doc Brown or pee-wee Herman would use you're ready now Rob you happy you got enough [ __ ] to work with affirmative affirmative you're a ass let's play so this is how it works when you want to control Rob you press Start now the screen flashes different colors which somehow communicates with Rob through the censors in his eyes creepy and now we're finally ready to move that gate the object of the game is simple professor Hector somehow got himself trapped in a room full of dynamite and dinosaurs man he really [ __ ] up supposedly these dinosaurs or whatever are called snicks if you touch them you die unfortunately Hector cannot jump he can't even reach out to grab dynamite that's right above his face this means having to climb up to a higher height and drop down on the dynamite he can also pick up radishes this mix happen to love radishes and will stop at anything to eat them if your timing is right you can use the gates to squish this mix yeah but watch out the same thing can happen to the professor the goal is to collect all the dynamite after that you advance the next stage it's like a classic arcade platformer like Donkey Kong or the original Mario Brothers it could be a fun game except for having to use a damn robot all right Rob you want to play something else how about lifeforce negative well then what do you want to play stack up stack up [Music] [Music] sure about this Rob yes trust me it's good [Music] robot block what's with the alternate titles the idea is to set up the blocks in a pre-arranged pattern and yes that's what they call that blocks they're a little bit um rounded I'd say four blocks the goal is to move the blocks from one pattern to the next with this few moves and in as little time as possible so Rob is a little more functional here than in gyromite meaning that this is a physical game where the outcome is determined by how soon you get the blocks to the final destination when you're done you press start because there's no way the game actually knows when you win you can just lie and keep pressing start all you want it almost doesn't even need to be a video game the video part is just to control the robot by hopping around on different command keys or programming a preset combination of movements or by playing bingo each row corresponds with a rob movement when the row is completed he does that movement well I'll have to control professor in a game to control the robot why can't I just control the robot myself that'd be a lot easier right yeah a remote control robot kids would like that you'd see him sit on the sidewalks playing with their remote control Rob's you just need to bring a TV set outside just to use them that's all all right Rob let's play something different oh how about contra negative no Saba bobble that's a great 2 player game negative well then what do you want to play gyro part gyromite we already played that let's pick something different snack are those can't be the only two games you play how about double dragon 2 or dr. Mario family feud does not compute Plus be gyromite or stack up oh come on Rob you come over and all you want to play the same two games look I got this whole shelf both sides nearly 800 NES games gyromite stack up [Music] [Music] [ __ ] I'm gonna smack [ __ ] it's mix it dick [Music] [ __ ] off no don't knock it off you know what you'd be the first player yeah let's see how you like it ain't that fun hanging like that Robo [ __ ] is one piece of [ __ ] the hell with Rob I'm playing by myself all because you need two controllers you know what I'll just play with my feet yeah that works pretty good or wait better yet [Music] [Music] yeah you like my new invention I call it the gyro my controller plays gyromite wait a minute I got a better idea how about play a different [ __ ] game [Music] you're doing this you cybernetic [ __ ] sucker [Music] faster [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh if he does prime objectives eliminate all games that don't meet criteria criteria equals gyromite and stock up prime objective complete no more inferior games no more long passwords no more annoying music no more despicable controls no more barf inducing graphics no more useless weapons like before in 1983 the video game market was oversaturated with inferior games all a product of human imperfection the video game crash left many game companies bankrupt a prophecy was told that a hero would rise from the ashes a robot warrior that his I Nintendo made a video games awesome again for the most part I don't think Nintendo's success had anything to do with you be quiet you are a biological unit with insufficient intellect to make that determination you know hero this hero [Music] [Music] terminated [Music] [Music] no more shitty games no more karate kid' no more Top Gun no more ghostbusters or Fester's quest no more virtual boy no more Dick Tracy no more Little Red Hood no more dr. Jekyll mr. Hyde I won't [ __ ] have it [Music] [Music] wait what that's the way he's gonna get [Music] [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Cinemassacre

Views: 9,996,776

Rating: 4.7425613 out of 5

Keywords: angry videogame nerd, avgn season 5, angry videogame nerd season 5, angry videogame season 5, avgn full season 5, angry videogame nerd full season 5, avgn, avgn full season, angry videogame nerd full season

Id: lIDu72rGs50

Length: 187min 47sec (11267 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 09 2016