People Share The WEIRDEST DATES They Ever BEEN On (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit what's the weirdest date you have been on this will get buried and is far too long oh well blind date I was told to expect someone very intelligent very mature owned his own startup business and very successful he calls beforehand suggests he take me out to eat and then we meet up with mutual friends at a popular salsa dancing place later ok sounds great guy shows up looking like a 17 year old with gelled spiky hair and a ratty t-shirt ok I'll give him the benefit of the doubt I go to get in his very expensive car he picked me up as previously arranged by him and the passenger seat is covered in stuff trash clothes books took him a while to clear it all off the seat not sure where he expected me to sit but he was a little flustered when he realized I would actually need physical space to sit in his car but whatever then we get in and he says so when do you want to eat which I thought was weird that he didn't have a plan he was the one organizing the date so I mentioned a few places not far from my house simple inexpensive ones but then he sees a Denny's on the corner and says hey let's just go here which is weird because I didn't know people under the age of 68 are Dennis during the day while not high but ok they've got some good burgers on the menu right we go in and he orders a side salad with a water feeling and comfortable now at eating a full meal while he has a small plate of lettuce I end up ordering the same thing with a different kind of dressing and then I listen to him talk about the relationship he just got out of which had been the most important one of his life for 45 minutes he's going on about it turns out he had been dating her for all of two weeks will life-changing stuff yet Oh at this point I'm very glad we had arranged to meet up with friends for the last part of the date as this was not going well so we get in his car and he says hey slight change of plan we've all decided to go to a different dance tonight hope that's okay and he takes me to a church dance not just any church dance a youth church dance we were both 24 at this point I was so in shock when we showed up I didn't know what to say but my friends who set us up were apparently supposed to meet us there and I had no way home otherwise so I went in there was a giant balloon arch in the entryway spelling out yeehaw there was a small table with some cookies and chips at the back and then a basketball court with sad streamers hanging from the hoops with a bunch of 17 to 19 year old standing around awkwardly while like six people did the high school slow dance arms on shoulders slowly swaying it was like a really hilarious prank except it wasn't my date makes a beeline for the food table and began to inhale the cookies I began texting my friend asking whether asterisk and % she is and did she know this was the plan but I was getting no service in this building then a guy came up to my date and recognized him from church and they started chatting this new guy that gestured at me and said are you with a date man and my date said oh yeah this is up what was your name again [ __ ] had forgotten my name it's not like I only said it once and then he didn't hear it again we were set up my mutual friends who both used my name he called me twice and used my name both times WTF so then he got a text that our friends aren't coming after all my phone still had no service so I told him I was tired and would like to go home please he was surprised by this really but agreed to drive me home we got in the car drove about a block and ran out of gas luckily there was a gas station about 3 blocks further on so he ran up to see about getting alone a gas can or something but he came back and told me that they don't do llamas so he would have to buy one and he didn't feel like spending five dollars on a plastic gas can so we would need to push his car three blocks to the pump now I was in heels and a dress but okay turns out wheeled push meant he would steer and I would go behind the car and do most of the pushing great we got to the pump he put in five dollars worth of gas and we drove to my house when we got to the door he walked me to the door I turned to him and started to say that was fun because I'm a polite person but I'm also an honest person and I didn't want to tell what would be the biggest lie of my life so I stopped myself halfway and instead said that was interesting then I bolted inside and half laughed hath cried my way to the shower a mutual friend told me the next day that my date had had a great time and would like to go out with me again I told this friend that I really didn't think that would work out like it was my first-ever real date junior year of high school and he was a year older than me he picked me up almost an hour early so we had to sit in the parking lot in the movie theater and wait until it was time to go in he laid her seat back and started talking about past girlfriends then in the movie he kept whispering in my ear betting things asking what he gets from me if he gets it right I bet I know what movie this trailer is for if I get it right what do I get needless to say I wasn't enjoying myself he insisted that we go to dinner after the movie so I agreed and while we were there he grabbed my phone from me claiming that he hates when people text during dates even though I wasn't even on it he kept it next to him for the entirety of dinner and eventually opened it up read my texts and texted my mom about how our date was going all the while our waiters we had to one was mentally disabled were commenting on how cute of a couple we were and the other was lingering by our table throughout our meal when that was over he refused to take me home I told him that he had to and he responded by pulling out a quarter and saying okay I'm going to flip this coin heads I take you home tells we make it interesting thank God it landed on heads and he was forced to take me home but he still insisted on taking me the long way home on the drive home we rode in silence no music or anything and he held my hand I tried to make conversation and commented on the lightning he then said every time the lightning strikes I'm going to kiss you and he continued to kiss my hand for 15 minutes all the way to my house I texted my mom and told her to wait outside for me because I didn't want him to kiss me he taught me to always drive myself on first dates I felt uncomfortable that he even knew where I lived i f was recently single after a long relationship ended and decided to try out tinder whilst traveling for work I found a really attractive and intelligent chap called Alex who agreed to meet me for a drink we got chatting and I found out he was doing research in theatres and he was very passionate about this great I love when people are passionate about their work as we left the pub to go to another place he started spontaneously tap-dancing and twirled around a few lamp posts okay so he likes to dance that's kind of endearing he showed me all over the city and was a fantastic tour guide I got to see some very special places he confided in me about how close he is to his mother and how he talks to her every day well I don't have the best relationship with mine so I have no idea what constitutes normal so okay then that sounds nice for them both we talked about a love lives and he said that no matter what he always seemed to reach a point of feeling a bit mad about the girl after a few months he had never had a relationship longer than that he was in his early 30s the evening drew on and I just wasn't feeling it but wanted to give him a chance he showed me around where he worked pointed out the props he had sourced for the theater then he kissed me it was as passionate as kissing the back of my own hand oh well as we walk to the point where our paths would forever diverge he showed me the place where the Whitney Houston film would be screamed soon he said it was terrible they chose that venue because you can't dance in those narrow aisles and if you see Whitney you have to dance after the date I messaged one of my friends who is a gay man to find out if I was homophobic for thinking Alex might be closeted darling he's flaming was his response mine is a series of dates that led to the weirdest one I was a student at a big state school and it was very possible to meet someone at a party and never see them again I chatted with a woman a few times who was always interesting and engaging she was a Christian and outspoken about her faith I'm cool with that but I'm not all that outspoken myself I asked her out to dinner and a movie after the second or third time of running into her and chatting and she said yes I wanted to keep it traditional and do the whole date thing so I cleaned up and picks her up to go to a restaurant in the movie it went well we hugged said our goodbyes and that was it we wound up going out again for a drink or something and things seemed to go okay a second time it was sort of platonic but we never had a conversation where we said that we were just going to be friends or something else in either case we were definitely going on dates so I invited her out on my signature mover can you trip on a local River it's springfed crystal-clear and there are a number of Deep Springs with floating dogs it's a great time we both worked retail and had a day off in the middle of the week so that was the plan when she got in the truck she was surprised to hear that she would be needing a bathing suit to go canoeing and so we stopped at Target for her to buy one I received specific instructions to stay in the truck while she shopped no big deal when she got back to the truck she let me know that she bought a two-piece because all of the one-piece bathing suits didn't work awesome Church chicks have to send those kinds and qualifiers things are going swimmingly except she followed up with it doesn't matter you will never see me in a bathing suit anyway that was weird but okay the canoeing was fun we swam he swam in a t-shirt that was weird but overall we had fun on the way back to town I asked if she wanted to order a pizza and watch a movie she said she couldn't because she and her room had had a policy that boys were not allowed over alone then she backed up and said that well since these weren't dates and we weren't dating that it would be okay for me to come over that I had to leave by nine o'clock hold up I said these are dates she got all weird about how these weren't dates that we were just friends and that she was not going to date God would provide her with a husband on his accord right I said and these are dates I'm not sure how you missed that she went on to talk about dating and marriage and then dropped that she knew I wasn't the one because God told her that her husband was a baseball player she knew that her husband was going to be a baseball player and she would consider going on a date with a baseball player but it would be a stretch i rescinded my offer to watch a movie and order a pizza and that I didn't think I was interested in going down this road shortly after she called my phone about a dozen times in a row because she had a flat tire and wanted me to come change it I told her to check with the baseball team epilogue sometime later I was at a party standing around the cake and doing normal college student stuff when one bro asked another bro if he remembered to invite his girlfriend of the party people in the know laughed and eventually the story came out that this random girl would come to every baseball practice and every baseball game by herself stare and pray she try and interject herself in awkward and creepy ways and she would randomly show up wherever they were this was pre social media so it had to have taken a lot of effort to make this happen so there you go don't not date crazy religious women who are betrothed to collegiate athletes my most recent date takes the cake started chatting with a girl on tinder accelerate three months ahead and we both finally have time to catch up she's vegetarian slash vegan so I organized a traditional movie date and then dinner at a restaurant that caters to be vegans and non-vegans alike she's over the moon absolutely loves the idea on the day of the date about an hour or two before we agreed to meet she messages me asking if we can just chill at her place instead as she's feeling particularly lazy I agree and off I go to her place finally get to her place after a long and busy train ride we start chatting now it's dinner time and she wants to cook up some pasta so off to cold / Woolies grocery store we go we must have spent an hour also there it was nuts she just couldn't work out what she wanted halfway through the shopping spree she announces how thirsty she is and decides to crack open a bottle of Armond milk to cure her thirst being polite she offers me a sip problem is though I am allergic to pretty much every nut so I decline and explain why when we finally leave the store she gets an emergency text from a friend his account got hacked and private pictures were being leaked by the hacker we get home and start unpacking the shopping her friend is incredibly distraught so she wants to help him out she apologists her before getting the date short but I tell her it's fine she has an emergency to deal with and we'll just have to raincheck the date she then goes to give me a kiss goodbye which I have to decline because of the almond milk she drank earlier so not only was the date a roller coaster from beginning to end I was also cock-blocked by my analogies it seems I'm late to the party I can't resist and my friends hate hearing this story over and over again I met a girl on tinder and made plans to pick her up at her place she comes outside of a total [ __ ] house and she is at least 100 pounds bigger than her I also noticed that her face was somehow an entirely different shape and texture I rolled with it so as not to be a dick she asked me to walk with her to a bar around the corner and is acting very shy not making eye contact the bar turned out to be on the other side of a very busy highway and we had to cross it we get to the bar and suddenly she's an entirely different person she saw several people there that she knew all of them looked like drug addicts and she did this thing where she yelled their name for a long time it was so embarrassing to watch but I also caught a glimpse of her completely rotten teeth and tongue ring that I could only imagine to be super [ __ ] infected 24 / 7 we sit down at a table and she immediately tries to sit on the same side of the booth with me nope I make her sit across from me and she starts hiding her mouth and face with her hands she points at a guy and is like that's my ex oh and him too and she seems super proud of it at this point it's just too awkward I apologize and tell her I'm leaving she catches up to me outside and is hysterically crying she literally asked me if it's because I'm jealous that I saw her exes she confessed that one of them is the father of one of her kids idk how many she has and that he's a sleazeball and doesn't mean anything to her she begs me to stay and starts giving me a sob story about how she can't feed her babies or pay rent etcetera this is all awkward because I can't time the highway traffic to be able to sprint across it so I'm standing there listening to her for a good two or three minutes at one point I just ran across to the divider and stood there the whole time she was screaming my name I have never been so embarrassed to be associated with someone for the hour or so I was there holy [ __ ] I've told this story here before but it remains my strangest date to this day at the time someone commented / r / serpent which is pretty bad since I actually left out a few details for the sake of brevity so many adventures so I'll stick with a highlight it's dinner seemed to go alright except that he drank most of a shared pitcher of margaritas by himself then drank all the liquor I had at home I was kind of irked so we go searching for more the first place was closing up it's Sunday so he goes up and bangs on the windows loudly demanding that they sell us some beer and calling them our souls while my dive embarrassment at the next place after they served us he casually said oh yeah I don't have any money so you're going to have to get that not that I expected him to pay for my beer but he expected me to pay for for his in conversation he mentioned that his favorite book was Ulysses and compared himself to Jack Kerouac I asked him what kind of movies he liked only for him to snort aliy retort that he watches films he had me read a short story he wrote that frankly was pretty terrible but when I offered polite criticism he got angry and said I just didn't understand that was the problem with being a natural writer he said no one understands at one point during the evening he wanted to check on his dog he said it wasn't far but it turned out to be a long drive to the middle of nowhere nothing was open and I had took this really bad it was the most resentful roadside pee imaginable after he snapped at me about not understanding his writing I said I was tired and he should go he asked me for $3 for gas I wanted him gone so much I actually gave it to him edit a few people have assumed that he was driving me around drunk but this is not the case I insisted on driving this is what made his request for gas money so goddamn outrageous so hopefully that's cleared up I later found out that he had a huge coke problem and he told the mutual friend who set us up that we had sex that night but that I guess did him after the ghosting part was true anyway I have posted this on a couple of other relevant threads in the past so I take this girl out to a bar slash restaurant meeting her for the time after talking on an online dating site her profile said she was a secretary or something after she orders her food she drops the bomb she tells me for the past seven years she has been a professional dominatrix so I'm an open-minded guy I'm cool with this she probably has some funny stories right well she starts telling me these stories and for the first half hour or so they are pretty entertaining eventually though I want to talk about other things however any time I try to change the subject she immediately brings it back to dudes she pooped on it got weird I could barely get a word in she basically didn't take a breath for three hours again I'm a really open minded guy but there's only so many consecutive stories of bowl gags and double-sided dildo but [ __ ] a person can take before even the most open-minded amongst us start to feel uncomfortable at one point I excused myself to go to the bathroom as I stand up and turn around she seizes this chance to smack my butt and says your ass looks like a baby pumpkin I could bounce a quarter off it and get back to dimes and a nickel keep in mind this lady is a professional it was crisp and painful to put this in perspective I was wearing thick jeans she hit me in my back pocket and when I checked myself for damage in the bathroom there was a clear fat red handprint on my butt cheek like I could see the lines in her hand I could have moved a psychic and they would have been able to predict her future so I'm about done with this we finished the meal and I Drive her home while she still blabs tales of donkey tail butt plugs and toys I've never heard of going in places I wish I hadn't heard so I pull in her driveway the second the car goes into park she immediately grabs my nuts like specifically targeted them and it wasn't sexy it was a hostage situation where she had all the power then she straight licks the side of my face chin to hairline her tongue as big as a Shetland pony I do not want then she looks me in the eyes and says menacingly I'm gonna strap you into my sex dungeon the [ __ ] you are I choose life I think to myself how do I get out of this she literally has me by the balls here so here's what I come up with I tell her that hell yeah let's do it I have a special toy I keep in my trunk is that okay she says sure bring any toys you want so I tell her to meet me at her doorstep while I bust it out because I wanted to be a surprise as she steps out the car she gives me a look that she thinks is sexy but is actually terrifying the second her feet touch the ground I slammed the car in reverse and fly out of her driveway as fast as my car can go you know how most people pull out of a driveway switch to drive then drive off ahead I did not do that I didn't want that one second of switching gears to give her the chance to catch me I pulled out the driveway and just kept going down the street in Reverse for like five blocks the passenger door was flapping around still open because I took off before she shut it when I'm satisfied she won't catch me I closed the door put it in Drive and guilhom gotta get back on that horse right wrong I got home I stoles and deleted my online dating profile not today Satan I briefly dated a girl who was pursuing a PhD in venomous reptile biology or something like that on our second date she asked if I wanted to see something cool and I happily obliged she brought me to campus it was a weekend and almost no one was around and on some halls and to what looked like a bank hall door that had a sign on it that reads something like no access and then something about venomous reptiles and then listed three names indicating that if you needed to get a new had to call one of those people and of course it listed the phone numbers of those people as well one of those names was the girl I was with so she takes out a set of keys opens this massive door and immediately I realize that this was going to be a very strange experience you couldn't hear it from the outside because the door was so thick but as soon as she opened the door it was like going into a walk-in closet that housed hundreds of rattlesnakes the whole room vibrated with their tails it was horrific the walls were basically lined with pullout drawers you couldn't really see the snakes that easily until she pulled out the drawers each draw was something like plexiglass and when she pulled open the drawers each one had a Plexiglas slate every one of those drawers housed two venomous snake a lizard she was presently working on a project that involved the mating of German stairs so that was her main focus she opened a drawer that had a chiller and carefully took it out do you want to pet it she asks carefully holding it in such a way so that it couldn't strike it was kind of scary but I figured that it would be my only opportunity to do so and so I hesitantly stroked its head she then opened countless drawers with rattlesnakes and every time she opened one of those drawers the snake would strike up at her but since the top of the drawers had glass over them the snakes were just striking up against the glass we spent the better part of 15 minutes in there and in hindsight I regret not using it as a chance to make a move but hindsight is always 20/20 and I was also scared of all hell because the whole time we were in there those rattlesnakes were going nuts and that sound wasn't really conducive to a sensual moment as far as I was concerned thank you so much for watching the whole video please leave a like and subscribe

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Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, ToadFilms

Id: xkdI3QO-H44

Length: 26min 8sec (1568 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 29 2019