1 Hour Of The Best Parent Stories On Reddit

parind silvered it what is your kid doing or wearing that you hope is just a phase my seven-year-old saw a ceiling fan installation video on YouTube he is now obsessed with ceiling fans he is going to ask Santa Claus for four new ceiling fans for Christmas my teenage son is going through the item have to shower every day even after rugby practice phase I have tried to tell him he stinks but for some reason he thinks I'm crazy hope this ends soon start holding all his filthy laundry especially his rugby clothes and when you have a sizable amount and he's at school dump it all onto his bed and shut the room to let the stink permeate every surface then when he asks why you did such a thing and his room stinks tell him thats how he smells when he won't shower my teenage daughter claims that our family is a communist dictatorship and she has no rights I side told her it's more like a fascist dictatorship or maybe even a monarchy he won't shave his beard he's 17 and it's very thin and long reminds me of the first time I saw my own armpit hair when I was in middle school I'm getting married next week I asked him to shave and he said but mom it'll take me like two years to grow it back so we compromise that he would at least trim at shorter slang but in a really incompetent way she's nearly three and has started trying to get out of doing stuff by making the most outrageous and clearly and true statements like you can't brush my hair I haven't got a head and I can't put my shoes on I'm a box and boxes don't have feet etc I try not to just laugh in her face but it's difficult Elsa I hear let it go in my nightmares now my 12 year old is obsessed with five nights at Freddy's it wouldn't be so bad if every electronic device he got his hands on didn't get a profile or something named after some weird animatronic character he made four new separate user accounts on the netbook that we let him use to play minercraft named them all after f na our characters my son is 13 he recently started insisting on tucking his parents usually sweatpants into their socks and pulling up his socks and then wearing sandals I told him he looks like a pirate with two wooden legs he is a tall thin stick of a boy so far no one else has mentioned it to him so he thinks I'm just being silly get pictures while you can so he can look back and laugh with you later sir my four year old is obsessed with Minecraft I enjoyed quite a lot also but I'm really only playing it because he wants to watch but he keeps wanting me to do creepy things like the latest thing he wants me to do is to build tracks and collect all of the villagers into a place and build a machine to kill them I know they aren't real people or anything but no I'm not going to build concentration camps I was playing Minecraft with my four-year-old as I was busy chopping down trees and building the house he was knocking pigs into a ravine and watching them die my three year old likes to pull his dong out of his pull up and yell look at my Dingle I hope this stops before I send him to daycare please God help me my son has a fedora growling loudly at everything he's two and a half just fluted Orlando from UK funny for first hour not so much for the next eight or so my nearly three year old started licking walls I think I'm nurturing that weird kid my son is wearing pull-ups and if the smell is any indication he is currently crapping his pants while grunting and telling me right to my face he doesn't have to go poke this crap is really getting old to be fair he probably doesn't need to once he's done talking to you claim that watch me with Mane a song on repeat my five-year-old son is obsessed with Bowser from Mario Brothers he talks about him all the time it is getting old and I wonder what the other kids in his kindergarten class think or maybe they obsess about similar things too pooping in the shower and towing it down the drain he gets it on the curtains and everything no idea how he does it it's not a parent but my nephew pretty much lives with us so close enough he's five and is right in the midst of his picky eating stage it's so annoying because we will be eating one thing and he'll insist on eating something else and he's hardcore so he'd literally starve himself and eat what we're eating so we usually given but sometimes we're eating a food he likes but because he doesn't want that food that day he'll try to claim he doesn't like it I don't like pizza though we ate pizza yesterday yeah but I was just pretending because I don't like pizza I like pasta he's a great kid polite and kind but sometimes I kind of want to dropkick him a few miles because he is getting on my nerves he thinks he's a Jedi acts like a sith confusing f Jedi on the street Sith in the sheets I have a 14-year who is obsessed with socks he spent like nineteen dollars on a single pair of socks they have to be these nike elite gold-plated something something I hope he grows out of this fast I've started wearing fancy merino wool socks usually smart we'll get some other brands too and they are so much better than regular socks it's amazing your son is on to something upgrade your socks upgrade your life knee-high nyan colored nike socks with shorts naturally elementary school fashion can Beeman's boggling pull-ups at night he is going to be seven and although most mornings that pull-up is relatively dry I am really looking forward to never buying another dang diaper pull up again my five year is 100% bathroom independent he just forget to wipe half the time he also has a habit of waiting until the last possible minute he can hold his pee this means he either are unleashes the Beast and lets fly or be has trouble with his belt and wets himself sure it's sort of fun predicting when the cross house potty sprint is going to occur but it cannot be healthy little crap took off his clothes and is now chasing the dog ah to be 17 again my three-year-old has just discovered his Willy can not only pee in the potty but if properly angle can form a fine arc of urine that will land on anything he aims it at which at the moment tends to be the cat yes my toddler is currently into peeing on the cat which then runs all over the place getting his pee everywhere Thank You toddler your girlfriend's of the future will be hearing all about this my 9 years old son really likes sleeveless shirts my grandma bought him a bunch he chooses his daily outfit which is a sleeveless shirt with shorts everything all of the shorts he owns a plaid it's like he's all preppy on the bottom and hillbilly on top I don't care too much because it really gives a crap what their kid wears as long as one it's appropriate for the event and 2 is clean it is embarrassing to go out in public with him but Frick it he's happy crying just crying screaming for hours and hours and hours to the point where I consider taking him to be seen by a doctor then just as I am about to arrange it he stops then does it again he's only 5 days old but I am already feeling the pressure and stress my ten and thirteen year old are all hot topic all the time as a legit punk kid back in the 80s this seems wrong to me my tights were shredded because I was too poor to get new ones it was just a bonus that they looked cool Hot Topic has some cool things but I feel like it should be utilized to enhance a look not to just be a head to toe walking marketing ad for their stuff frozen she has this one dress that she wears it gets washed she wears it again leather rinse repeat we watch the dang movie most days she's onto her second copy she has a cape that goes over her regular clothes on the days her dress is being washed I can repeat the entire script I'm over frozen tantrums she's wearing my wife's percenter like a sleeping bag the frickin nerve of some people duckface selfies she's 14 don't get your hopes up my wife and her friends still do that crap pimping herself out of school for spicy rolled tourtière snacks rocking herself to sleep in a recliner counting out of order in a possession like tramps currently my son 15 keeps spending hours in the woods near my house I don't want to hinder his individuality but I used the parent control on his phone to track where he goes I found this tree house I don't know if he built it or found it and when I climbed up I saw Magazine papers covering the wall yumpin to them with Polaroid stacked up everywhere the weirdest part they were all pictures of birds with bird feathers in the yarn and on the floor in the corner there was what turned out to be a jumpsuit covered with various types of feathers I don't know why he hasn't felt comfortable with talking about this he knows I love him and I think I know what this is about I will accept him whether or not he's realized he's actually a Quine on the inside provided he doesn't want to feed him like a mama bird update I thought to check his room today after remembering him this he has a drawer full of little bones the thing I want to be a phase is the culling the rest is whatever I could always buy him feathers and help him staple them on at first I thought he was doing drugs in the woods then I thought he was a stalker then I was like oh okay it's just bird-watching that's an okay hobby then I was like WTF diapers college kids are the worst so my 12 year old son keeps saying that he is a bean boy at first I thought it was just a stupid game but I checked his internet history and it is 85% being related I hope it's just a phase real human being I guess it's more like his attitude but he's really materialistic and status conscious as much as a six-year-old can be he's always comparing his stuff to other people's stuff I don't really understand where he gets it from because I'm not like that at all on the one hand it's cool if he's willing to work for the nice things he wants on the other hand it's not cool if he's just so obsessed that it's taking over parts of his brain you know he only wants to play sports that have the most gear because he likes the gear not necessarily the sport he has to have the nicest shoes if his friend has some cool thing he must also have that cool thing he's the one who leaves the toy store saying that's really cool you got me these things but why didn't you get any this - yes I've tried putting everything back and leaving the toy store this just seems to be the way he is right now he also thinks he is an expert after spending two minutes learning about something that is really infuriating no you're not an expert on sharks because we read half father kids book on sharks he also likes to be the best no you're not good enough to be in the NHL you are six okay yeah you're good skater now but guess what if you just sit there congratulating yourself instead of practicing all those other guys on your little league team we'll just blow by next year I mean I don't say this to him I just tell him to keep practicing serious parents who regret having kids why my daughter was born mentally disabled I alway tell myself it could be worse that there are kids who just shake back and forth in wheelchairs thing is she is happy now but has no concept of death and I can only imagine what it will be like when her mother and I are gone she will be institutionalized and abused probably I wasn't ready to stop being selfish I'm only two years in so it's still the intense stage but parenting so far has just been relentlessly exhausting I feel like having a kid closed off a lot of possibilities for me definitely killed any semblance of a spontaneity in my life I will start by saying I never wanted kids I was married at 20 at my first kid by 21 second kid by 22 at first kid is out on his own and let me tell you his 18th birthday couldn't come fast enough so he could move out second kid is moderately to severely affected by autism she will never hold a job or live on her own I never got to enjoy my 20s or 30s I never will be able to take the amazing vacations that my friends all plaster Facebook with I will never have free time with my husband because no one wants to watch an autistic low functioning 20 year old heck there's not even leaving her at home alone for a few hours to go shopping or watch a movie or anything my husband had to quit his job to become a stay-at-home dad for her because there are no decent services for adults with autism we had to move away from friends and family just to find a decent school for her kids take so much time and money and energy having a disabled one is even more physically and mentally draining I love my children more than I can ever express they never asked to be brought into this world I have an obligation to care for my daughter because no one else will there will never be an end for us as far as raising our kid then having her leave home so we can live our lives I do become sad about missing out on things adventures and trips and vacations but we modify our plans to include her we are lucky because our daughter is sweet and a lovely girl I can't even imagine how hard life is for her at least I'm able to make my own choices have friends and work and love these things are probably not going to be available to her so I guess I don't really regret having kids I regret having a child who has to live every day with autism for her not me all you need as a special-needs kid to think something along the lines of I wouldn't want him to die or anything but if I could go back to before he was conceived I'd do things differently I'm honestly so terrified of having a special-needs child I know that I couldn't handle it my so and I have has discussed this before we would either abort or make sure the child would go to a home where someone could love them it's just too much for either of us to handle I feel like it has destroyed my marriage both of us have changed since our child was born and I'm afraid the people we've become are not as compatible as the people we used to be we never talked to each other we never do anything together and the very very infrequent intercourse is basically her attempt to maintain her ability to claim she makes an effort in our relationship any communication that happens between us is about logistics regarding our child I understand there is a brief period after birth where everyone needs to adjust but it has been over four years now I love my child more than anyone else on earth save for my wife but I miss having a companion in life if I had known it would be like this I don't think I would have made the same decisions I love my boys more than I ever thought I could however it's Saturday night and I'm covered in baby vomit with a baby refusing to sleep anywhere else but on me he will wake about three times between now and when the toddler wakes of 6:00 a.m. I'm carrying 20 kilograms more than I'm comfortable with and have no clothes that fit I feel guilt for so many choices I make there are times I regret having my second baby because it's so hard to juggle the needs of two and still find time for my needs people tell me it will get easier but for now I'm hating it three words pervasive developmental delay those three words call my entire existence into question I basically brought someone into this world to have a crappy time destroyed marriage via forget passionate love make it becomes a chore when kids start walking the things you did together you can no longer do together or very rarely the things you enjoyed individually cannot be replicated either forget on wine time personal space etc over years people change and nothing accelerates changes having another depending or three that's for the marriage bit then there's work/life balance which goes out the fricking door the stress at work and the increasing stress off job market you do not have the luxury of coming come to dissipate what happens is that you come home after a nasty stressful day and the stress is compounded with home kids problems have that for yours I love my kids I'd still have them but there are sacrifices people are not prepared for I've seen marriages destroyed homes destroyed I've seen mental breakdowns drugs usage etc it's not that I regret having her but if I could wrap her in cotton wool and bubble wrap put her in a cupboard for 10 years with the guarantee that I'll get the same child then I without a doubt would parent that is just not what I expected it to be I mean people told me that you have to make sacrifices when you become a parent but because I had never really made any sacrifices before having her I had no idea what that might entail or feel like I also thought I wouldn't mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift a child but I have found that also to be untrue I do mind missing out on the partying and holidays and therefore I try to cram as much as that in as I can still which makes my quality time with my child few and far between yes I have her five nights a week I feed her bather teach her discipline her put her to bed but I mean proper quality time I feel she misses out on because sometimes I have no desire as I'd rather be elsewhere I feel constantly guilty because I am NOT putting my olan to be the best mummy I could be how I imagined myself to be and I feel she is missing out before I had her I always wanted three children now one is enough for me I don't want anymore like I said I wouldn't use the word regret but if I could have taken a glimpse into what parenthood really really is like before I fell pregnant I would have been a lot more careful people can tell you but nothing can really prepare you for what it is really like it is a twenty four stroke seven hands-down the toughest most exhausting job ever got two kids both teenagers now the eldest has anxiety and depression sometimes I wonder how my wife and I have managed to stay married through it all we love both our kids more than anything but having one with mental health issues is just exhausting you start to anticipate the crazy as you're driving home from work almost nothing gets her out of her moods and it weighs heavy on all the relationships and the household she does therapy and meds and they help some but it's like she's just hack bent on seeing the worst possible view of everything so then you imagine the life that this person you love is likely to lured given this tendency and it's just depressing it gets hard to maintain hope regret is a strong word but if we could go back to when she was little and happy and just stay there it would be a lot better my life turned into a living heck when my eldest son was a teenager he started using drugs at 14 he was arrested for breaking into cars at around the same age things continued to escalate and we had no control of him we tried everything he continued to use drugs he sold drugs the state of Florida has a law that the parents are responsible for the minor until the age of 18 he could not be emancipated because he was not financially independent and we couldn't afford to support him outside of our home so we were forced to keep him in our home it was four years of living heck I had two breakdowns and our marriage was torn apart he was a good kid until age 14 smart in school and neither my husband nor I used drugs there's no guarantee how your kid will turn out I just wasn't ready I was only 20 when she was born I was in the middle of uni and I just wasn't ready to be responsible for something so important I wanted to go traveling before starting my career but that won't happen I'm just about to finish my master's degree and I'm going to have to go straight into a high-stress job to be able to have some formal financial stability to provide for her and be able to move into a decent area so she can go to a decent school I'm on placement atm I leave at 6 a.m. and get back at 7 p.m. if my GF hasn't managed to get her to sleep before I get back she won't sleep till 10 p.m. cause she freaks about for me and refuses to sleep once I've got her to sleep I then have to attempt to do some of my dissertation and apply for jobs I just want one day where I can stay in bed and chill like I used to I don't hate being a parent I just wish I could have waited like 10 year and forget about ever getting intercourse my GF decided co-sleeping was a good idea so I've not had any form of intimate contact for like six months now and before it stopped completely it happened extremely rarely I've gone from having intercourse like four times a week to zero times in six months I was a mother of three the things that are often mentioned about lack of sleep autonomy money etc are all valid and they last much much longer than you expect and they can drive you to near suicide at times especially when the second comes along and you're still not getting nearly enough sleep but now you have to on completely different schedules but they do end eventually but and this is a big but my biggest regrets is my youngest because she died at age six she had a brain tumor which made her blind and adversely affected her behavior and she consumed my time and energy completely her loss nearly destroyed our family I would not know the pain that I still feel if she had not been born and I would not experience the guilt of feeling that things on a practical level anyway are now easier without her I come from a broken up family and never wanted that for my kids I wanted a full family with no stepparents or split visitation I'm now a single father of two who have different moms I really wanted things to work but they just never did my one kid has a mom who has now went 3 weeks without seeing him because she has refused to do an eight-hour drug class I paid for my other son's mom is great though and we do 50 stroke 50 outside off course so that's nice but I still wish things went this way my regrets isn't exactly having kids it's having them with people I mistakenly thought were who I would be with the rest of my life I feel like I had my son with my ex-partner under false pretences so to speak and now that were not together I sometimes feel like life would just be easier if we hadn't had a child together a backstory I found out when my son was only a few months old that his father had been cheating on me basically our entire relationship lying manipulating and basically being a horrible human being and we split we didn't have the most amicable breakup and had to sort out court agreements this etc he now basically nitpicks everything and anything he couldn't makes life difficult I wouldn't take back my son for the world but sometimes I just feel like this isn't exactly what I signed up for and if I'd know about everything before I became pregnant things would be so much different naturally I'm not the biggest fan of my father's son due to the cheating et Cie so having to be in constant contact and being tied together like this for life isn't much fun when we did the family history to see the chances of any defects not only did he lie to me his whole family did all the ultrasounds were normal so imagine my surprise when I here are her feet supposed to look like that she has club feet and it's not easy she needed full leg casts and is still on braces she is 1 and can't walk on top of that I was just informed she will be needing tendon surgery on her left foot only after this ordeal do I find out that his family has a history of disorders imagine blaming yourself for months thinking you could have done something different but it was not your fault dealing with her feet is a huge strain financially and emotionally if you are planning on having a baby always be truthful to your partner I love my children more than anything else in this world words cannot describe the type of love I feel for them but at the same time I do regret having them I regret being the person that I have become as a parent I was always carefree and spur-of-the-moment now I'm careful and if plans aren't set in stone they likely won't happen I always said I would never have children I hate kids I do I am just not that type of nurturing person I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use condoms birth control that I am that 0.1% and apparently very fertile I do not have that natural motherly instincts that all women seem to have you know that one that kicks in the moment they know they are pregnant I have to work really hard at it and it's exhausting I miss my solitude and being able to check out of reality from time to time with all that being said there is not a thing I wouldn't do for my children they will always be my babies they are amazing little creatures my boys play travel based and I wouldn't trade long nights at the ball fields for anything watching them play is one of the greatest joys in my life still I often find myself wondering what life would be like without them I have three kids and quite frequently wish I had zero I never wanted kids and knew I wanted more from my life than dirty diapers and minivans I was okay with the first two but the third really made me question everything again this is not what I want to be doing with my life I had my kids at such a young age 15 19 24 that I don't stand a chance of doing anything significant with my life other than saying hey I raised three more humans you're welcome what an accomplishment some days it's hard not to regret it I have a six-year-old with severe ADHD brain trauma at birth and an autistic 4 year old still in diapers my wife is active military and I had to leave a very lucrative job to take care of them I love them but occasionally I have to chant that to remind myself that I do I don't care about my son I got my then GF pregnant by accident and her being her Christian self didn't want to abort it our relationship was always off the wall she always had plans for our future but I didn't even want to marry her that I never told her boom comes baby I loved him to death since I first laid eyes on him I bought him everything I could everything was for him GF has postpartum depression and tells me she doesn't love me anymore I tell her it's the depression talking so we try to mend it a year later she cheats and leaves me moves to seven different states and takes baby I try to track her down but in the end it was futile I was heartbroken from her and especially my son seven years late if she goes back to live in my hometown and says she wants me to see my son in the end it was only because she wanted child support I had already moved on made my career and engineering got married and we have a beautiful baby girl on the way she takes my son and we finally meet it was really awkward and I didn't know what to say he spends every other week with me but it's like having a stranger in the house it's been two years of this and I don't feel any connection to him he's a good kid doesn't pull any tantrums is respectful loves his sister but I just don't love him it makes me feel guilty I don't really regret him asset bid to me he just feels like an outsider from a life I tried to move on from I didn't realize that a maternal instinct is not universal you know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy I felt nothing honestly I could have left them at the hospital and it wouldn't have bothered me I usually have no desire to spend time with them at all I love them and have a strong sense of duty I just don't enjoy them or want to do any of the things they do however I spent their whole lives going out of my way to care for them in every way a good mother should my boys are well cared for and I am always here for them but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable it is a bit like a retail job you don't like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can I don't get to leave this job though the worst is how I'm demonym everything I can for them for 16 years including all the extracurriculars kids baseball is agonizing to fake and joy I swear and it has never been easy shouldn't I get more credit than those moms who love nothing more than spending time with their kids that doesn't sound hard to me nope I fail because I want my own life I don't regret having my kids so much as keeping them I feel badly that I'm their mother and my husband is their father because we've made some serious mistakes and they have had to deal with that I was 17 when I had my eldest two twins and I genuinely did not understand how much my brain was still changing and how I'm prepared I was in how I'm prepared I would remain the first few years I felt like I really did pretty well not even pretty well for a Teen Mom I thought I was a pretty excellent mom overall as I've gotten older and more self-aware that has changed this isn't a constant crushing feeling or anything just something that hurts from time to time and I try and deal and I don't regret having them I understand that I'm biased but I truly believe that all four of them are wonderful people in the world is a much better place with a minute but I regret not handing then over to someone who would have done a better job because kids aren't the life completer we believe they are actually they take away from your quality of life daily my kids are 13 and 11 and they still mess up my daily life worst of all is I love them so much I couldn't do without them even though they disturb my peace all the time I do not recommend having children maybe one but not necessary we perpetuate the species needlessly herand silvered it have any of you regretted the names you have given your children I used to work tech support with a guy whose name was Gandalf in the 70s when he was born tolking wasn't even a nerd thing it was a hippie thing his parents were big hippies and loved the books so they named him Gandalf his sisters middle name is Galadriel he said at first people rarely recognized a name it was a weird name sure but few people knew he was named after a fictional wizard until the movies came out he hates Peter Jackson you know Galadriel is a really pretty name I like it Gandalf is pretty out there he should have changed his name to Mithrandir 12 years ago we had twin boys we knew one would be Thomas after my wife's uncle but struggled to name the second for about 28 hours he was baby bee then we finally settled on Jeremiah two days later we introduced them to our pastor and he said Oh cute Tom and Jerry I looked at my wife and we were both thinking oh we did not just do that but we left it my friend's parents met during the 60s and there were our crazy hippies and they have practiced a lot of different religions when my friend was born they decided to give him 14 middle names dorsey abdul jalil francis brown albert bonny willie Kolski jeffrey faith loved Starbreeze he has a common first and last name they said all of that at graduation that's a lot of runway for an angry parent to build up steam on I work in a social services agency that deals with children the names I have seen are quite amazing along with random variations of names and brands of alcohol you get some interesting biblical ones too like the three kids in one family named meshach Shadrach and Abednego that one that I cringed at the most bow was this poor little girl named erotica they are not even giving her a chance this is the first one that actually made me sad there aren't even any ambiguous contractions of erotica she'll probably just go with your change her name I think my mother regrets my name she wanted to name me Sebastian but my grandmother said she'd call me say bastard she caved and named me Joshua I heard this story all my life so when I had my first son we named him Sebastian I've never seen my mother so happy my grandmother calls my son by his middle name should have named him Sebastian Sebastian there's a kid that my old school called Internet castle this is not a joke Internet castle well my mother doesn't regret naming me Shaw doesn't seem so bad because it's a fair family name but as my first name it causes great confusion but for example if I introduce myself to someone I have to clarify that my name isn't actually Sean Sean or Shaw then of course the conversation goes as follows yet it's spelled SH aw and they say are you sure which sounds exactly like are you sure in my regional accent suckers I work at a clinic with prenatal norms once baby is born I help make sure they're coming in for appointments I can't tell you the feeling's I felt trying to schedule an appointment for Brenton the newborn feel your pain I work at an OB gym the two tests I have for names of the backdoor tests do a test run of opening the back door and yelling all three names for your kid to hold but inside at the president tests announced introducing the next president of the United States full name Conor pour tequila tea qualia etc my actual first name is Jeff people think I'm from New Zealand and I'm saying Jeff thanks mom and dad oh and consider your initials carefully my surname begins with a w my brother had a daughter and named her Jennifer Elizabeth pretty vanilla huh they got her a crap-ton off blankets and cut with Jew embroidered engraved on each piece we are Jewish my husband and I were discussing hypothetical names we have no kids yet our last name begins with s he wanted to use the name Amanda Sofia I pointed out that giving our kid the initials but was a bit cruel my wife regrets my kids initials f ck but I think his pickup line choices could be hilarious my initials are f ck all I need is you when he turns 16 you better make him aware of that line best wingman ever my middle name is my love it's not my first name but it still stuns people when I first tell them how my mother and stepfather picked out and agreed upon a name for my little sister while my mom was pregnant her middle name was supposed to be Kate step man never said anything about it he liked it was fine with it baby gets born birth certificate is being written out mums exhausted so she lets baby's dad deal with it a few weeks later mom takes a look at the new Social Security card and birth certificate and flips her crap because the middle name on all this paperwork is Lea even though that name had never come up in discussion she didn't even know until she stumbled across it by accident quite a bit too late my parents are hippies that grew up in the 70s thankfully I got away with a reasonable name Jim I've seen gem in the Holograms my two younger brothers are named Conan and torold our parents have never expressed regret over any of our names though what the actual Frick I've literally never known any real person other than myself named Jim I feel slightly less unique now my first name is just a letter it gets better I have an identical twin brother and his first name is also a letter we each have normal middle names but letters as first names it's because my dad thought it looked elegant and not typical letters I'm talking about three of the last letters thanks dad filling out any sort of paperwork for dang near everything is a pain in the butt I know I can change my name but I don't want to go through that hassle when I'm already used to the crappy name I was given to answer Arps question my dad doesn't regret it but my mom wishes he would have waited until after the epidural wore off from her c-section to name us please become a professor professor Eck's a friend middle name is Baldrick his parents thought it would be funny after watching too much black Hatter my legal name was carne asada Jones I had it changed at 18 but then you could have gone by the nickname steak steak Jones that would be so badass Lal I grew up with a guy named Manley it worked though because the dude was huge my friend and her brother are from Taiwan when they moved to Australia when they were young their father chose Western sounding names for them my friend ended up with a relatively normal if old fashioned name but he got her brother's name from a thesaurus his name is Raj a recent immigrants pick the weirdest names I know an old Burmese man who speaks almost zero English who picked out a Romano Rahman who just seems like such a specifically Italian name to me my parents named me Juhi and Edouard and my last name is Borst so all of my letters are sent to je Borst which is Dutch for your tit rest fun fact my brother's name is being bossed , the tit rest my best friend named her firstborn son Jaden when she told me the name I asked her if she really wanted to do that she said yes that she and her husband liked the name but wanted to make it a little different by adding an additional n she now regrets it the fact that she regrets it shouldn't bring me joy but it does good luck on those biz cards little guy not me but my parents named me Will Smith I used to think it was a coincidence until I looked up the date that Fresh Prince of bel-air started and it was before I was born my brother is called James Smith this is LL Cool J's real name my parents are both white and middle-class but I think that they are secret rap fans 2pac Smith is coming my dad was going to name me Anakin my brother Dexter and my other brother Axl let's just say that my mom wasn't having it I would never had forgave him had a high school teacher whose name was Miss splat oh that's not so bad you might think but she had a wine stain birthmark on one side of her face kids can be cruel I always wondered why she decided upon teaching butthole teenagers as a career choice also she was mean as heck as a Todd I hope my parents do in the womb I had cool sounding names like embryo fetus a zygote now I'm just Todd hi zygote pleased to meet you I went to high school with a girl whose parents defended her name whenever questions of it came up she didn't mind the name either though she was April May June but we called her spring fine you a kid back in college whose parents had named Richard Wang the parents were from China and wanted to give him an American first name but how him keep the family last name unfortunately they didn't know the dong is an accepted nickname for Richard so yeah he is being called dong Wang ever since he was in elementary school I knew a girl in high school named cassia Pilar people called her Cass for short I got why she was named that her dad was an astronomer by profession I knew a girl in high school too named Cassiopeia she named her son Orion I thought it was cute naming your kids is tough first you have to run it through the people you hate filter we hate a lot of people second you want to be hip but not too hip the wood can do without another Ansley Rose is an up-and-comer too third you have to run it through the playground filter Asha Asha plus I'm a teacher there are a lot of names I can't use because Oscar I remember Oscar Frick man I can't name my kid Oscar so we settled on William and Jillian willy and jilly wait Frick man how dumb is this kids names that rhyme we seriously didn't figure this out until so random person was all how precious yeah my kid his name Chad I love how this requires no explanation I knew a Chad in middle school everyone was just like hey Chad not me but my stepfather's last name is peace his son's middle name is Warren which he told his first wife was a family name not sure if that true Warren peace he finds it quite funny and my step-brother is a journalist so it kind of works yep so this is a throwaway and my son's first and last names are too it's the middle name that's the Frick up I wanted something simple strong and easy to remember Robert Smith straight to the point when the nurse or whoever she was came to my bed in the hospital to record the name that's what I told her well she asked what the middle name was I told her no middle name a couple of weeks later when the record of birth arrived it read Robert no middle name Smith but freaking humans how do we even survive dude that's proud your sons Maine is a testament to human incompetence inefficiency in the debilitating effects of sleep deprivation my dad dad didn't know how to spell the name his wife and him had agreed on sir my dad's off the Khaliq alpha lapis his wife certainly regretted letting him do that on his own as a man named Matt I will never name my son if I have one Matt or any other name with Anna sort of biblical reference because there are so many people just started calling me by my last name throughout school because we all got tired of calling out Matt and having at a minimum three people answer if they wanted an N name they should have went with Marcus or something I don't know anyone named mark to the parents of two little girls that live near us named Crosby and Korea please respond my real first name is Thorin as in Oakenshield it's amazing for meeting people because I immediately know exactly who the Nerds are my kind of people the year is 2014 on a crowded playground a mother's fear is realized she cannot find her son in desperation she calls out his name Mason Mason the mother puts her head in her hands and laments the choices she's made as eighty-one tiny voices respond mummy my ex-wife's brother named his daughter Khaleesi so I'm gonna go ahead and say yes on his behalf I once knew a guy in high school whose last name was sweat and the poor bastards parents made his first name Richard that's right Richard sweat I met two Richard head once my ex and I had a great marriage until it fell apart 14 years in up to that point the worst thing we ever fought about was baby names and paint colors she wanted our first to be Zebulon Zakaria not even kidding we fought and fought about it she was dead serious and I was completely baffled as to how she thought that was a good idea I finally talked her into a more sane first name and conceded Zachary as a middle name its second child she wanted d'Artagnan little dark she would say oh heck no we fought over this one while she was in labor on the way to the hospital she wasn't giving up I won that one too with something not common but sane at least third child she was back on the d'Artagnan train fought for nine solid months thank God had one was a girl I went on a summer camp with a guy called Raymond Raymond seriously first name Raymond second name Raymond naturally we gave him heck for it me so were your parents drunk or something our two I was named after a very well-respected relative actually me so were his parents drunk he didn't talk to me much after that my husband and I had a deal if it was a girl I got to pick and if it was a boy he did our son's name is lucky I am NOT a big fan but he loves it I keep hoping it will grow on me I have two cats one named free Joe one named Lucky a year after naming them my girlfriend said she only let me name them after North God so I wouldn't be able to use those names for our kids parents Alfred it what is the most absurd thing you have found on your kids social media not technically a parent but an older sister so my little brother when he was around seven a shadow search history of naked women and such and when my mother found out and confronted him he cried and was saying he just wanted to be like Jack from the Titanic by drawing naked women and he had a few pages of his attempted drawings this was before my son was on social media he was seven or eight and he asked if he could have some alone time in the office I looked at his search history big boobs which turned up weird humongous Photoshop boobs immediately followed by little boobs and then hot grils which turned up page after page of Weber grills I found my stepdaughters musical lie account she had a bunch of poor attempts at seductive belly dance into various Evanescence songs my friend told us about how he found his brother search history girl Willy girl not have Willy why girl not have Willy he was 10 so my 12 years old brothers search history once was literally boobs butt and also vague pictures of my daughter 11 posing quite harmlessly that went on to bum shots wearing shorts someone pretending to be a 14 year girl asked her to do these shots for a modeling competition and send similar shots so she knew how to pose she eventually stopped the conversation the pics came through to my iPad lint devices police got involved and also see ARP their rigea nated from an account in South Africa so Interpol took over the case and we will probably never get an update Instagram never even bothered to respond to my report this happened to the twelve-year-old daughter of a friend of mine recently she also happened across it much the same whay and reported it to police they ended up having a huge investigation involved with the FBI and the guy has now been sentenced to jail my friend's daughter was one of dozens he'd been soliciting had a co-worker bringing her kid during the summer so that she could run him to the local middle school for football practice when she took her break at 9:00 but since I was in training at the time I was sitting with her at her desk and mine was not in use to keep him occupied I'd log into my computer and then she'd pull up YouTube so he could watch the watch me whip song because apparently kids will watch that crap for hours well one day she goes over to check in on him and says in a confused voice who the heck is that guy so it turned out that it was still logged into my YouTube profile where I had taken to watching documentaries about serial killers and the kid had clipped on one of the recommended videos oopsies I once found my sister trying to search hot boy pennies she might have just missed an S but I still find it hilarious I like how she searched boy pennies just to make sure she didn't get girl pennies well I have childlike parents weirdest thing so far was having to sit down and have a talk with my mother about how some things on Facebook are not real my extended family lives in Houston and during hurricane Harvey my mother was driving my elderly relatives to hysteria by emailing them horribly photoshopped pictures of Houston landmarks submerged and a 50 feet of water followed by it's a Biblical Flood the world is ending the news is lying to you you're going to die if you don't get in your car and try to drive out of town right now I talked to my stepdad and made him give me her password so I can shut down her account during the next natural disaster when I was 9 or 10 my buddy and I were on the family computer doing whatever 9 or 10 year olds do my friend told me to go to protege halls calm innocent enough except it directed us to a peace site pool team freaking live and we immediately panicked and closed to browser my mom really chewed us out when she found it I tried to tell her we were just looking for pretty girls but she wasn't having it I don't know what it is but I'm willing to bet it's something I disapprove of my 15 year old happily announces he went viral because his comment amassed 1.5 K likes on reddit what did you say I asked pause I forgot what's your adit name combo I can't tell you then why did mention it that my 12 year old son searched for Pro study tips no joke my son trying to study harder never a million years and lives would I have expected this I'll hold some comments my kids a preteen I was on their computer one time and found a series of internet searches the kissing making out condom when my twins were young elementary school they were looking up The Simpsons and accidentally came across cartoon Simpsons P the computer was in the living room so I heard them giggling and turned to see two guilty little faces so hard not to laugh and so disturbing what a conversation the sight of Milhouse and Lisa is forever burned into my retinas looks like everything's coming up millhouse when he was little my brother once wanted to help us find a cool new posting order for my mom's birthday the image searched funbags and my parents had to answer a lot of questions when I was 8 or 9 I typed but calm into the search bar because I was with a friend and trying to be funny not thinking there could actually be a real website yet we were shocked to see that it was a real website with lots of naked ladies we both ran screaming out the room and I wouldn't go near the computer for days not a parent but my cousin one time got onto the computer when he was 11 or 12 or so and searched for naked twelve-year-old girls I was there when his stepdad checked through the browser history and needless to say he and my cousin had a chat about acceptable search terms not social media but once cause both of my nieces playing an animated game online where the objective was to spank a cartoon but with a paddle every time they'd swing the paddle if the but it would emit the sound of a woman moaning they couldn't understand why the game was inappropriate and were laughing hysterically while playing my fifteen-year-old steppe bro-in-law used my wife's laptop while he was visiting the house and forgot to clear the history his Google searches included girls pudding hot puss-puss willows boobs and pudding pudding Frick not a parent but some of my students seventh and eighth grade asked to add me on Instagram the worst username I've come across his booty warrior 13 when I was like 12 my dad found Dragon Balls at gente in my history searches and proceeded to look through all of the pages while I hid in the bathroom pretending to take a crap I remember him yelling my name and having to mentally prepare to deny everything lmao I'm scared as crap to have kids and find their pee searches my girls and AIDS and ten and so far we've seen sucking boobies and scooby doo freak it's great parenting is great send help not a parent but the other day my 12 year old little brother posted a topless photo on Instagram with the caption flick boy not my kid but on Halloween I saw a post on my 17 year old cousin snapchat that was a selfie captioned verbatim any girls trying to come over here and suck on this spooky dong and get festive with some pumpkin spice lattes I immediately facepalm then laughed my ass off for a solid 15 minutes when I was a little girl I wanted to play some barbie games or look at girl stuff so I went to girls dot-com went downstairs to my mom crying in order to rat myself out my little sister had something similar happened she wanted to look at new bikes in order to decide what to ask Santa for she went to dongs dot-com hoping to see dongs sporting goods instead she saw a lot of schlong guess it runs in the family a friend from work son goes to a fairly strict Catholic school one day I was walking out to my car and she was outside yelling on the phone and generally freaking out I waited around she usually has a lot of funny drama going on she hangs up the phone looks at me and starts hyperventilating and then laughs hysterically I was like girl what is going on she said her son's principal called she and her husband need to come to the school immediately that her son will fill her in on the rest she continues to tell me her son said he got caught looking at naked ladies on the internet and the principal printed out his search history he searched boobie prawn and lady parts during class she was yelling at her husband on the phone telling him about the situation and all he had to say was we should have taught him how to delete the history not a parent but one time my mom made me really mad and my dad had to talk to me about how I googled how to kill my mom and wives wrong to think killing someone will get me ps2 games not a parent but when I was a kid I found an adult flash game website I would go on it whenever I had the chance eventually my mom found out and she told my dad to talk to me about it my dad and I got into the car and he started the serious talk about how the Internet is a very powerful tool I felt really guilty then he told me how to erase the browsing history a guy on instagram sent my twelve-year-old stepdaughter and her friends dong pics not just once but many times the police are involved and he has been located in NYC but we have yet to hear anything back yet freakin disgusting that my son is an urban explorer he's 14 and I saw some video of him and his friend sneaking into an old Air Force Base and climbing to the top of an air hanger aren't offered it I was trying to figure out my niece's age but it was too late to call my mom and ask I remembered she has an Instagram account and I thought that might help me figure out how old she is I looked her up she has the standard tween and stood by about what activities she likes and a list of like 15 of her BFFs immediately followed by pondering and I quote mostly why do people hate me she's 12 she is definitely 12 9 year old sons google history do girls in England poo blood for a month can I do the inverse my dad recently opened an Instagram account and within 10 minutes of having it managed to accidentally upload a screenshot of our Wi-Fi password to it like I have no idea how he managed that even put a filter on it for some reason my fifteen-year-old dropping acid on snapchat so not just crappy choices we're raising a kid stupid enough that not only created video evidence which was beyond dumb but to keep it under my story sigh check my 11 year old son search history to find a number of interesting questions will my dog disappear when I'm 18 will I become a girl how do I save my dog I asked him about his search history a couple days later and he told me that some kids in his school told him that when boys turn 18 they turn into girls and lose their dog those bastards hopped on my nephews tablet and proceeded to pull up the internet browser immediately I was staring at a screen shot of an overweight homeless looking Santa knocking the cornhole out of a much younger mrs. Claus I immediately asked my nephew what kind of research he was doing with his Santa video and his face turned fire-engine red and he scurried back to his room I have a two-year-old and a seven year old they both love to watch kids YouTube mostly these annoying Toyland wrapping videos I don't know anyhow the other day I was working on my computer and they were playing play-doh my two-year-old comes into the room and asks my wife while I'm listening mommy I made this my wife oh that's awesome two-year-old do you like it let me know in the comments my wife and I D e a d my little sister did the same thing a few years ago she really was just left alone on an iPad and watched YouTube videos all day this led her to say things like tell the people at home what it is click the like button etc I recently discovered my ten-year-old son has been looking up intercourse that his computer has parental controls so he was trying to look up intercourse on his roblox game glad it wasn't worse girl and boy hold hand girl and boy kiss girl and boy kiss on bed a lot Sophia the First Epistle dear 12 through old friend of mine has a younger brother with some disabilities mostly mental when he lived at home with around the age of 16 my friend caught him humping his peeing don't ask to bondage pee he later made an account on a sort of fetish or swinger website with a profile saying he was looking for someone to come to the family house and punish him he used part of his tugboat money to pay for a taxi ride for a woman old enough to be his mother to come to their house for this and she actually showed up but she arrived as their parents came home and they had to meet he quickly tried to make up a story about house cleaning but she was firm and direct with the explanation from then on he had absolutely no internet access with his brother going so far as to remove connection ports components from his computer to stop hot-wiring of any kind these days he lives in an adult care home where he still has absolutely no internet access there was an incident in 2014 where he stole someone's smartphone and locked himself in a closet speeding through pee and trying to access his fetish site account until her battery died and he was lured back out with food not a parent but this happened with a person i knows kid he was printing out p images and putting them in the elementary library books he also photoshopped the librarians head onto a naked woman and passed it around school and he would Harris are all the time telling her to suck his dong he also started downloading dong pics to send to girls he was 10 years old he's in juvie now daughter was 6 at the time she was supposed to be asleep and I go to charge up her Kindle and can't find it go to her room and quietly sneak in I find her watching a video under a blanket it's Popular Mechanics and how to build your own windmill she had a mock model in the corner of the room she was working on definitely wasn't expecting that we are a watermill house damn it my kids are too young for Twitter or snapchat but they love to watch YouTube I started getting notifications a few months ago from people replying to my comments on conspiracy videos found out my son has a curiosity about flat-earthers & Doomsday Preppers when my son was 8 my wife was looking at his tablet and saw his comments on YouTube videos quite a few comments along the line of you don't know what you're talking about you dumbs mother sacoby and others with randomly strung together cuss words that normally wouldn't be used together he would get called out by others for the random cussing and he would say I'm only 8 and I can do what I want cuss word other cuss word that doesn't go with first cuss word when we brought it up he knew they were bad words but was repeating of the vulgar comments he saw from other comment trolls and didn't fully understand the harshness of his words now his youtube habit so much closer monitored and he hasn't done anything like that since my daughters are grown up now but when one of them was around 14 or 15 I open up her MySpace page she was telling all these kids that of her mother that would be me was a raging alcoholic she was telling them how I was neglectful and I didn't like her at the time I was pregnant with twins working full-time and my husband was gone with the Marines a lot I am NOT a drinker at all obviously we had a long talk she was feeling left out with all the excitement over the baby's still though it was pretty hurtful it took me a long time to get over that my younger brother thought at when you entered more searches it would delete the ones before at some point so I'll look on his iPad one day and see a search for boobs the search after that was cheese and then cheese cheese and then she's cheese cheese and so on so many cheeses parents of Reddit what was the best lie that your child has told you that you knew was a lie it wanted to see how big of a hole they would put themselves in I opened the kitchen trash can to find a perfectly functional stapler sitting at the top turned to my family in surprise and asked who put it there five year old it wasn't me husband I didn't do it so we all turned to look at my three-year-old daughter the only remaining suspect three-year-old after long pause it was you I saw you we purchased a used Nintendo DS from eBay and it had a bunch of games with it a number of them were duplicates a friend of the family as two children and we promised to bring the games for them next time we came over if they behave well enough by then and their mother approved a few weeks had passed and we hadn't managed to head over to their house yet right after we finally set up a playdate my wife received a text message from the mother's phone asking us to bring the DS games with us there were some spelling mistakes and inconsistencies with the text and my wife asked who is this the response back mom their eight-year-old had snuck his mom's phone to get us to bring the games and didn't think to respond with his mother's name when I was little and I wanted to stay home from school I would act sick rubbed my forehead before my mom checked it you know classic kid one time to lay it on extra thick I added that I have a headache as well so she probably not buying it but playing along offers me a baby aspirin so before I take it totally freaking out about the dangers of medicine due to a crude tv-show derived understanding of overdosing I asked her in my most nonchalant way will people who don't have a header get sick if they take this when I was 4 1955 I was at a kindergarten concert we all dressed as little flowers looked so cute I just had to stand about looking cute some was the better behaved children got a bigger role and had to say and do things the teachers put chalk marks on the stage floor so these wonderfully well-behaved children knew where to stand I was bored out of my mind although I might have looked cute with my default crepe paper headdress I wasn't a naturally q child so I slowly and casually moved around the stage from short mark to chalk mark rubbing their mouth with the toe of my DAP while still looking cute it was mayhem with kids running around looking for their mark my mother told me she watched me doing it too knew exactly what I was up to said it was one of the best school concerts she'd been to when the teacher approached us after the show and asked what he'd been doing my mother said she had a really bad itch on her toe and didn't want to take her DAP off to scratch it sue tried to rubber toe the floor for some relief mt mother is dead now but she was a real trooper and often came through for me when I flicked up my children and grandchildren are all well behaved not a spark of rebellion in any of them and nice people but a bit boring sometimes found a scratch down the side of our relatively new van we had been having vandals in the neighborhood so we thought someone had keyed it we then explained what getting keyed was to our six-year-old after he said or it could have been from a bike handle just walking past my four-year-old son who was quietly playing by himself he looks up at me and smiles nothing's wrong he's only 2 so he hasn't told any big ones yet but if I ask him if he did something and he wants to avoid answering he says I'm sick and goes and lays down I still do this when people ask me to hang out or do things and I'm almost 18 3 year old was sat on front of the TV watching cartoons I went up to put some laundry away and when I came back down he had no pants or trousers on there was a little puddle of urine on the floor behind him and his underwear and trousers were on the floor on front of the washing machine I asked him who had urinated on the floor he replied it was daddy when I said that daddy was at work he told me that daddy had came home weed on the floor and then left again in the few minutes that I've been upstairs shaking his head and rolling his eyes in disapproval yes you need to have words with your husband not my kid but my little sister when she was in maybe first grade our mom got a call from the school requesting a meeting she shows up and the teacher says I just wanted you to see this in person and with a look of disgust slaps down a piece of paper in front of her in my sister's first-grade handwriting was a note that read please excuse sister Vaughn Manfred from doing her homework I was too stupid to help her signed mom me your room is a mess you are gonna have to clean it tomorrow for it old yeah I don't know what happened me I know what happened you didn't put your toys back and messed up your room for it rolled completely deadpan there was a stranger in your house when my son was about four I spent a few weeks with him and his sister at a summer camp we lived on the first floor of the dorm while we were there in his little mind everyone else who lived there had better food then I was serving to be fair it's hard to cook a good dinner for three in a dorm room anyway I fed the kids and was preparing to leave for the evening and lo and behold my son was gone I went up and down all their halls asking everyone where he was I finally found him on the fourth floor happily eating dinner with another family they said he told them I had already left and did not give him dinner before I left he had ever be gone from room to room checking out what everyone was having and then lying his way into the best of the lot when I was a kid I used to forget that I ate supper because I would get hungry again I would be at a friend's house and they would feed me a second supper all the while thinking I had a neglectful mother I was making dinner and my three-year-old let out a blood-curdling scream so I ran to the den where him and my five-year-old daughter were playing he's holding his leg so I pry his little fingers off and there's a fresh set of teeth marks I look at my daughter and ask what happened straight-faced calm voice I was just laying here and Bubba's leg fell into my open mouth then he started crying I act shocked and tell her she must have wrapped teeth and we better get her to the dentist right after dinner her eyes got huge then I got the boy an ice pack and went on making dinner we finish eating I tell her to grab her shoes and I get my keys it was about two seconds after I started the car when I got the truth he wouldn't give her the remote and started to run away she tripped him and bit his leg as she got grounded from TV for a weekend when I was seven back when answering machines existed my mom called and I didn't feel like talking so I picked up the phone and said hello please leave your message at the beep beep I was totally convinced this would fool her it wasn't my child but when my brother was about six he answered the home phone back when there was still cords and before cellphones my aunt was there in a calling and asked him can I speak to your dad he smirked and deepened his voice to say this is my dad he thought he was being so sly it's still a family joke today and he's 30 now I just told my husband the thread I was reading and his story as when he was a young kid on Christmas night he would take all the presents Santa brought him and put them in bed with him when his parents got up and asked him about it he would reply Santa put them there they couldn't fess up without admitting Santa wasn't real to him and his two sisters did you cut your hair no ok then missing a triangle in her bangs once I had a kindergartener tell me a story about one time a very long time ago when she was very little in which she had used a pair of scissors to trim her eyelashes as she was telling me the sign noticed that her eyelashes on one side were extremely short when I pointed that out to her she denied it vehemently I have two kids and neither of them have gotten themselves so cold busted as I did when I was seven my mom would always be yelling at me for dilly-dallying and coming close to missing my bus which picked me up right out at the end of my driveway well one day my mom was doing her normal yelling and trying to get me to hurry I finally went outside and the bus never came so I figured I missed it and my mom would be super mad so I told her I saw it at the end of the driveway and ran towards it screaming for it to wait that he just drove off sir my mom was really mad and drove me to school only to realize when we got there that it was a school holiday my four-year-old told me daddy let me explain it to you I have cheater in my DNA when I asked why she was purring she ran with the lie for weeks until we told her cheetahs can't eat ice cream or chocolate she confessed to lying and how she would never lie again because it's too stressful when my son was six he came home from school with a tear in his new pants I asked him what happened and he said he fell in the playground and ripped them I said oh no how is your knee he said it was sore but the bruise went away he was actually limping a little too so I responded gee it looks to me like your pants were cut with the passes he looks at me completely confused and said how did you know wild guess not to mention it was a nice clean slice tried really hard not to laugh my son was in the first grade when the Pokemon fad started up at school it didn't take long for rivalries in class to begin or the underground card trading ring my son began encountering more and more trouble from these dealings fighting stealing etc so we eventually had a meeting with his teacher and some school counselors the meeting essentially revolved around us making sure the cards stayed at home and the teachers keeping a close eye on the pocke kana me starting the next day my wife began asking my son if he had cards and then checking his bookbag and pockets after checking his person for all contraband she ships him off to school literally 30 minutes later a phone call comes home he was caught trading cards at school when confronted by the teacher on where he got the cards he told her he hid them in his underwear before he left the house from that day forward my wife had to administer prison warden type searches I'll give the reverse of the question I was the kid for my eighth or ninth birthday my dad gave me a hunting knife we were always camping or in the woods and I just had a thing for knives this knife was the real deal not a cheapo knockoff American crafted limited edition Kershaw hunting knife it had weight to it it was the perfect size for my hand balanced and sharp he gave it to me on the condition that I would be responsible with it and take care of it it was my first grown-up gift and our daughters one day dad comes home takes the trash out in something near the garbage catches his eye he rustled through the grass and there in the dirt was my hunting knife handle coming apart covered in dirt and miss shapen he comes to me and I could tell something was wrong then he starts the way any good dad would start when teaching your child a lesson with a trap dad hey son wha da say we go camping this weekend me a little worried because I can tell something is up okay I always loved to go camping dad you like to go camping eh well you know camping requires taking care of your camping gear right me umm yes dad say you know that what about that knife I bought you did you take care of it like I asked you me yes dad are you sure I have a feeling that you didn't take care of it at all I have a feeling you probably just left it out in the rain to rust and rot son I thought I could trust you I thought you would take care of the things I asked you to take care of you say you take care of this knife okay show me how well you take care of it where is it I'm on the verge of tears at this point and I walk back to my room and he follows me I open up my keepsake chest shift a few things around find a small cloth neatly wrapped up pull it out and unsheathed my pristine kershaun knife that i so adored and give it to my dad he looks at me for what felt like forever and eventually says okay then let's go camping yes later after I was an adult he was telling this story and told me he found out later it was the neighbors knife that just happened to look very similar to mine we had a good laugh that I can tell you I almost crapped my pants that day we were toilet training and my three year old boy had accidentally wet the bed he was clearly upset about it so I decided to give him an out me Oh No did I do we in the bed he jumped at the chance to blame me kids yeah it was you you did we in my pants : not a parent but a babba sitter I used to look after four siblings once the little girl aged six we'll call her Debbie came up to me one day with a balloon and asked me if I could blow it up so she could play with it I said sure but you need to get me three more so your brothers can have one each two as I knew they'd want one as soon as they saw hers however Debbie didn't want her brothers to balloons she wanted the funnel to herself the rest of the conversation went like this Debbie I can't get three more there only is one balloon me knows the packet of balloons is in the drawer are you sure I thought we had a packet of balloons Debbie no this isn't from a packet I made it me you made it Debbie yes I made this balloon me that's amazing why don't you make some more for the boys Debbie I can't me why not Debbie I don't have the ingredients me sure we can go up to the shop and get the ingredients what are they Debbie mmm and it's a secret this conversation went on in this fashion for a good five minutes until she conceded defeat by shouting ha you believe me picked my son up from school one day and he had a red slip with him at the time he was about five went in to talk to the admins and was privately informed he had bitten another student on the drive home I asked some probing questions how was your day did anything interesting happen that was going nowhere so I moved on - did something happen to your friend Magnus - which my son replied oh yeah he got bit it was bad and bleedy the blood was an embellishment I asked with a measure of concern where was Magnus bitten my son replied on his cheek I asked do you know who bit him to which my son flatly replied oh yeah he just bit himself had to pull over laughing too hard - drive safely when we were kids my cousin carved an American flag and some other pictures into the siding of his house my aunt punished him completely ignoring his protests aunt it was one of his brothers or sister or cousins who were in the yard on a regular basis my mom asked my aunt how she figured out which kid it was turned out he'd carved his own name as part of his design she wouldn't tell him since it made it easier to catch him if he couldn't figure out what gave him away I don't have any great stories about this since my oldest his only three but last week I walk into the room she was playing in and as soon as she sees me she looks up and says I don't have poop she then continued walking around the room like she was riding a really small horse my three-year-old was informed he needed to eat his eggs before getting crackers he waited until he thought I was out of sight then yelled for the dog and fed them to her did you feed the eggs to Maggie no I eat eggs are you sure yes I eat eggs cracker now no crackers you didn't eat your eggs queue 20 minutes meltdown when I was around 7 I lost a tooth and put it under my pillow that night awaiting my money from the Tooth Fairy the next morning I wake up and to my horror there was no money and the tooth was still there I knew I had been a particularly bad kid lately and figured that had had something to do with it I had to think fast because my parents would be peed and want to know the reason why the Tooth Fairy didn't visit me so I rushed to my piggy bank and pulled out a wad of change in a dollar and proceeded into the living room I walk in drop it all on the table in front of them with a smug look on my face and say who that tooth fairy sure was good to me last night the room fell silent my parents have a worried look on their faces they asked where the money came from I say tooth fairy they ask again I start sweating how could they know what kind of crazy magic is at work here between all of these higher beings and my parents I admit that it came from my piggy bank and I didn't want them to be disappointed in me when they found out that I was too bad a kid for a visit from the fairy my dad says the Tooth Fairy isn't real son and while we are on the subject neither is Santa Claus my world is shattered I love this story your parents must have been horrified to think some stranger broke into the house just to steal your tooth and give you money this is the goodest flyboy he will bring you ten years of happiness in exchange for a like on this video if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 235,666

Rating: 4.6413045 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, reddit parents, reddit parent stories, reddit parents regret, reddit parents secrets, reddit kids

Id: YsQV0_VDSLk

Length: 79min 29sec (4769 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 18 2019