*WOOPSSH* TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome to a game called Mr Massagy! Now, a lot of people have been asking me to play this game, that's probably because Mark has been playing it recently I think, so I'm gonna give it a shot, I don't really know a whole lot about it, but i heard its fun alot of fun other than it just looks ridiculous There's a guy up here *Jack thinks "im so strong"* doing this. It's all about massaging people, so it might get a little weird. Uhm... Click to start, okay. [thinks in head] Well then... How to massage! Okay, I have f*cking fingers of MAGIC already, but, just for you uninitiated. Step one! Pose valiantly! Uhm... [Jack posing valiantly... Or at least trying to] Okay, [Jack continues posing] Li-like that? Like that? Like that? [Jack doing the dab] Am, I don't know [laughs] Step two: Take your controller and place it on your neck or other places. Oh, god [Jack looking for the dang controller] Okay, my controller is actually plugged in. Okay, so is the controller actually gonna massage me? [laughs] That's cool! Ooooh... I didn't get to see the rest of it. My bad. It said something about ''Let your friends massage you'' or something Hey Johnny, ya great b*stard! It's your old mate Oliver here! Listen, the night is young and so are we! I know how you looove massages, right? Right! We should give him Iago's voice from Aladdin Boot up this app called 'Linger' [chuckles] *That's actually a very accurate impression Jack 0.0* Gilbert Gottfried [laughs]... F*cking hell... Anyway, And it'll set ya up on dates willing to massage a turd like you! oh god. Is this a massage tinder ? Is that really what this is ? Get those mas.. Massagys and be crowned the... The glorious Mr.Massagy! So im not getting messages, im getting MASSAGYS. That's what the french call them.. Massages [chuckles] So, load yer man guns and start swiping for dates! You have the body and the charming good looks! [Smirks]..... Thanks man *It's all true Jack <3 <3* Thank you! Mmm i would like ahhh That looks like a duck, so your saying I love duck But I would prefer to think that is a rooster, so that says I love d*ck Or it's a duck and yours say I love c*ck That's what I meant to say Not the intelligence... But you DO have the best wingman around mate! I know you're probably supposed to be Australian, but, (Australian accent) Now don't go and let me down, ya wankah! Ah! okay. There we go. Yeah, that moves- that works a lot better *I thought the Iago impression was a lot better TBH* Linger! Hey, I got a "hisPhone"! Not "iPhone", "hisPhone" Your experience, massages, Date's info, hints, match date, music player So, it's like a Tinder, Massaging, HuniePop Is that what this game is? Doesn't f**king matter what it is! This music is gettin' me all- Aw, it's gettin' the blood flowing in all the right places already! *...how do captions dance?* Ha-HA I'm f**kin' ready! Okay, "reject date" Janein! Age: 23 Six stars I'm not gonna f**kin'- Imma match that date! Dorothy, 31 "Not enough experience" Ooohhh... So I need the experience here? So what the f**k do I do then? Not enough experience.. I'm just gonna accept everyone I WANT AND NEED LOVE! IM GONNA ACCEPT EVERYONE THAT I SEE UNTIL SOMEONE ACCEPTS ME BACK! except... except her... Umm... Oh, I got an achievement for it! "Nope" *clicky clicky click* So.. Oh, OH! We're on a one star! [laughs] Nicole! Age: 22 Loves looking at dogs takin' a sh*t Here we go! "Rial" Age: 19 It's a MATCH! *pose :p* Oh! *witnesses sailor moon transformation* God almighty! Oh my God! He's the exact same as fu- Random Fact #2: Italian sparkling water is a powerful aphodisiac as long as you shake it and spray it on your date. *laughing* Oh, God... He looks like, "Puri, Puri, Prisoner!" from One Punch Man The guy who lets out his angel wings and he escapes prison, just to save all the guys! Amazing Johnny is in a fancy shrimp restaurant. His date just arrived. Hey Rial! [Laughs in girly voice... I think..] Hi! My name is Rial, Hehe, but you can call me Riley! But everybody calls me Tuto! Why? Heh *she's a Tuto-Rial :p* I've been staring at you from outside for a while! Ya f**kin' creep Wow, you totally look exactly like your linger pic! Uhh, it's pronounced: *Linger in a French accent.. Idk* F**kin' pleb I love your flowing blonde hair! *wha?* [checks his beautiful green hair] Okay, we're off to a great start So, you were stalking me outside the window? Hey girl, you are looking juuuuust fiiiiine Hi Tuto, my name is Johnny. Um, middle of the road please Oh... She didn't like that... Ha haa... Straight to the point, huh? And where are you going with this? Uuummm...Y-your pants?! Uhh... uhh.. Bed with you?! F**K! Be- be- Be suave! Be suave! *So suave :O* Ummm... That you have squishable bewbs [Laughs] Smooooth [chuckle] Oh, sorry! I just really like what you're wearing! Uh, Jetflix and Flirt? Oh... Um, thanks? [girly laugh] I thought you were gonna say something really stupid... Like two plus two equals five? Ah, thank God.. Why don't we grab something to eat? I'm kinda starving. What would you like? THIS DIIIIIIIIIIII- [Laughing] T-Bone steak, baby! Straight to the bone! ERRR.... Oh, God A shrimp sandwich A big fat onion? Shrimp sandwich We're in a shrimp place, shrimp sandwich OOH! My controller vibrated! Let me just put this on my lap here so we can get some good vibrations ;) Sounds good! After all, this is a shrimp restaurant. Well f**kin' spotted, Rial uh, M-maybe we should call your name, "RIAL-ize" I will take that as well. Let's call the waitress, shall we? Johnny and Rial feasted upon the worst shrimp sandwich in the history of humanity. Then they proceeded to get food poisoning and vomited all over each other They lived happily ever after... Oh, geez, I was just kiddin'! Um, I'm not feeling too well... BLEEUUUAAAAGH!!! I must go home now. Sorry Johnny... *Australian* Sh*t man, that's one fail for the record books. I kind of like the other voice for him better because I can't do a-an Australian accent.. Okay, channel your inner Hugh Jackman. Okay... G'day, mate! F**kin' perfect Um Oh, we can try again! Oh, okay Um.. Hi Tuto, my name is Johnny! Hey Johnny! So tell me a bit about you! Dang! I gotta go to the toilet! Be right back! Got wicked sh*ts all day! I can count to three in Spanish. Thanks, but ladies first. Tell me something about you! OHH! I GOT A MASSAGY! This is vibrating! This is awesome! How kind of you! Well, I'm studying psychology, and... Still in my second year. But I also really like to dance. You want me to do an improvisational dance for you? I can do it! It's amazing, I got my dance kit in my bag right now! Good Lord, I did not realize how long your hair was. Jesus Say, do you like Samba? You mean the dude from Lion King? [Laughs] *I think you mean Simba, but I'm not judging* Psh, of course I love Samba! It goes great on tacos! There's nothing manlier than a man that shamelessly shakes his body! *starts shamelessly shaking his body* Come on shake your body, baby do that conga! I know you can't control yourself any longer! Bew! *Laughs* Tell me, Which move do you enjoy the most? Umm... *Ding..?* Wink Um... The slippery avocado? Ech.. The Sultry Saddle of course! Uhh... I don't know... Oh... Okay, that is just too much you perv! I knew you were too good to be true! I'm leaving! Well, F... We F**KED it up Johnny! I should a just winked! When in doubt, wink it out. *Ding* ''Wassup? Uh, wink? Uh, I'm getting mixed messages here... But I really like your crazy blue eyes! Thanks girl! *starts blinking furiously into the camera* Flash 'em with the ol' baby blues! Keep blinking until they're confused, And then you- POW -hit them with the love slap! O_O Don't slap people *laughs* Anyway, tell me, who is your teacher? Uhh... the internet You could be my teacher... What a lame move, Johnny... I see what you did there... That was kinda cute though! [Girly laugh again...?] Girl- Oh! Massagy times three! This thing is going f**kin' buck-wild! I'm gonna have like- jiggly knees after this You are fearless! I can show you my Samba moves! Let's go! Johnny will take his first Samba class... ever Oh f**k she's on to me. She's gonna know.. Ooh I can go for three stars! *Australian accent?* Saved! Gotta be honest, ya had me worried there for a second! Okay I'm gonna- I'm gonna quit right ahead I'm not gonna go for all three stars I'm not an OVERACHIEVER. I'm a hookin'- Hook, line and sinker them While I had the chance- Okay *dances to background music* WHOO! Really? Same for me! That move is crazy and it helps your left butcheek get stronger. *wtf?* The Slippery Avocado. Helps your left buttcheek get stronger. Why not the other buttcheek?! Or the buttCHEEKS?! Yes. Highly-, highly evolved individuals have THREE buttcheeks Thank you very much. The third buttcheek is behind the knee. And if you do it backwards and very fast, your right bicep will get toned! I just love it! I can tell by your calves that you do the backward Slippery Avocado. But slow paced [chuckles] [Laughs more] Be careful though, if you flex your left ankle while doing that, your nose will bleed! It seems that you are taking great samba lessons. Tell me, who is your teacher? You could be my teacher ;) FUCK YEAH Okay, did we get three stars this time? Okay, no we didn't Why the fuck did I do that? Okay, Nicole! The dog shit lover! Should we go for her, or should we just go straight up to Martha from the f*cking 1920s? Sarah, age 29, loves to show a little buttcheek Also loves to take weird pictures. You shouldn't be taking pictures in the dressing room like that! Okay. Not enough experience. Okay, I don't know what I did, I was trying to scroll again. PURI PURI PRRRISONER!! Time to go to work! Mr Massagy! Time to roll it on out! Okay, I'm gonna put this on the back of my neck. When men proclaim that they don't have anything to wear at a date, it means that they have just masturbated. *wtf?* What?! Okay... *Reading out-loud Sexy narrator voice* Johnny is in a spacecraft, in the middle of nowhere.... Of course I fuckin' am. [Reading in a female voice] HIIIIIIIiiiii [Game giggles] OOOoH EMM GeeE -- You are SOO Handsome!! Lets *sputters* b-make-make BABIES LETS MAKE BABIES, RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW Uuuhhhmm WAIT WhhAT? JACKPOT, LES DO THIS BABE *Of course* **Moment of silence and confusion contemplating the very meaning of why this game exists ** SAVED! Gotta be honest, ya had me worried for a second there! [Giggling during talking] I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKIN DO ANYTHING!! *yes you did, you made babies with a creepy Yandere girl* Let's try that again I didn't even GET massaged! *is disappointed* YOU KNOW I GOTTA FUCKIN' OK- Jeesus Cri- HOLD ON Wait WHAT? Sure! lemme get my condoms She said "Let's make babies.." YES THATS HOW YOU REPOPULATE THE EARTH. *sarcasm* ...Maybe thats what we're doin' - maybe we're on a distant planet trying to repopulate that. You repopulate the earth with condoms, apparently. *Jack voice* Uhhh, Hey, where are we? [Female voice] OOOHH yesyesyesyes, MY BAD! I GOT TOO EXCITED WHEN I SAW YOU! My name is Janein, HI WELCOME WELCOME TO MY SPACESHIP I'm not into weird shit , I swear.. My eyes just glow in the dark, THAT'S COOL THAT'S NATURAL.. AAAND THIS IS MY [laughs] haha, Favorite, ahh, place on this planet haha It's kinda dark, smells funny, [As Janein] WWWHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE?! YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS?? IS THAT what you're saying? Is this all just a big fat JOKE TO YOU?! SPIT IT OUT!
*Holy Crap Jack is SCARY When Angry* [Jackaboy] Hhh, well- ahh, the smell is uhh.. k-killing me.. Haaaah... humh.. [slight giggle - heh] OH OOHH, No, I meant that it-its, just, y'know, its very- Futuristic.. Your place is exquisite, Madame! *chooses this* [Laughing loudly, clapping, Janein voice] PERFECT! YOU DO LIKE IT! I KNEW you'd like it! [Jack gets closer to the mic]I fixed it ALL just for THIS date.. JUst for you! YOU.. and YOU ALONE! [Scary giggling. Jacks enjoying this too much] I went through a lot of trouble to get you here, too. Can I get you a water? a cookie? LUBE or whatever you like to ingest.. [Jack voice] Are you a fuckin alien? Is that whats going on? You don't look like an alien.. You look like a regular ol' female lady-dude. Uhm... I want you to feel comfortable since I need a load... I MEAN... a lot from you! *So subtle Janein* You need a LOAD Well [awkward laugh] Lady, I will just tell you right now, WHEN IT COMES TO LOADS, ain't nobody better! ;) FEELING GOOD? FEELING GREAT? Feeling fiiine *laugh* Let's go and have FUN [laugh] Okay, I'll give you a load of me alright. *Okay...* A little weird.
*That's putting it mildly* Y'know, this IS a lovely night! I feel cozy in here. That's what she said... Well, sure! Can't wait to slowly get to know each other! OOOOH YEAH COME ON LET'S GO!!! I still didn't get three stars WHAT THE FUCK DOES A GUY GOTTA DO TO GET THREE STARS AROUND HERE?! Ye meet an alien? Ye seduce them. Ye go back into their fuckin' love quad? That's what the aliens call it. I know there's a lot to take in. There's a lot of backlog and lore Um. Okay. Moving on. Can't afford Can't afford (2X) Papu-AIYEEEE Okay! Nicole! THE POOP LOVER! Here we go! Me and Nicole!
*My new OTP* Nicole was my favorite one in Huniepop Lil' Nikki! With the blue hair, so maybe Nicole will be my favorite this time as well! *Idk about that* Random Tip #12: [Sexy narrator voice] Keeping regular eye contact is a powerful way to remind your date that you have sight. There's a good tip.
*Genuine life advice right there folks* LOOKING at people let's them know that you have sight! Sniffing the air let's people know that you have smell and FLEXING YOUR MUSCLES let's people know That you are ready for business *Swoon* [Sexy Narrator voice again] Johnny meets with Nicole out in the woods, in the middle of the night. She wants to share with Johnny her favorite hobby. [Jack's voice] Is it being a fuckin' creep in the middle of the woods? [Realizing his HUGE mistake] OOOOOKAAY YOU ARE PART ANIMAL! *I like to think of it as "Furry"* Um, I don't know if that's LEGAL Actually, in the State of good Ol' Ireland BUT, Lets see what happens [Smooth woman voice] Hi Johnny! Okay. No. Wha-What voice would a cat have? Or wait, no y-you went [super cute howling noise] So you're a wolf! Dog? FOX! ......... Red Panda....? I DON'T F****** KNOW! You're sending me weird, mixed signals! UM.. :\ [Cute, Girlish voice]
Hi Johnny! I'm sooo glad you made it! This means a lot to me! [Normal Jack Voice] Oh....God.... This is weird.... :| [Back to Cute, Girlish voice]
I know it was a long drive getting here, but it will be totally worth it. Just you wait! *It better be worth it Nicole, this is questioning my life existence* Are you excited to be here? HOLY CRAP!! A TALKING WEREWOLF!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH Hey Nicole! Sure but, where are we? Isn't it a little bit late to be out in the woods? Where are we? [Nicole's voice]
This is my place, my spot, my haven. This is the only place I feel free. [Nicole Howls] [Jack does a much cuter howl] Oh yes, here we go! [Back to Nicole's voice]
The place I feel happy with myself. The place I visit in my free time. [Nicole voice]
This place is where I speak out loud my biggest fears and my biggest dreams. [Nicole voice]
This spot is part of me and I'm part of it! *D'aww* [Nicole voice]
Here, I can talk with my inner self, my exterior self, and my middle self! [Jack's voice] Seems like you're doing a lot of talking here.... BORING! SNORE-PALOOZA! Not gonna do that..... [Random Howl] Okay. SHOW YOUR DOMINANCE! Um...... Are we still talking about the woods? Wow, this place sure means a lot to you Nicole! [Nicole voice]
Thanks! Yeah it does! I'm glad you noticed it! Jesus Chr- I guess I should have this [fumbles with controller]
Okay, massage me right here! Right on the chest. [Chuckles] Wait, where do I need it most? On my-On my....Yeah. There we go [Nicole voice]
This place is called Yellow Oaks! It was declared a National Park last year! [Nicole voice]
I grew up here, hunting and running everywhere when I was just a pup. Okay. Looking at the dog poo, kinda makes a whole lot more sense now. [Nicole voice]
Those were the days! [Nicole voice]
This place's smell is so comforting to me. Don'tcha think so too? Smells like teen spirit, haha! Get it? [Jack laughs] [Sings Nirvana]
WITH THE LIGHTS OUT, IT'S LESS DANGEROUS!! *Rock on, Jack!* Okay, enough of that. Fuckin' Jesus. Can you describe the smell for me? [Game wolf howl] [Cute wolf howl] That's not a fuckin' good howl! That's a very placid howl! That's a very like - [Cute wolf howl again] You gotta let it out like - [Powerful wolf howl] *Jack, your neighbors!* Fuckin' dog next door will probably start howling in two seconds. [Jack laughs] Oh, the dog's, the fuckin' thing are howling! [Nicole voice]
Smells like berries, fish, and pinecones. And if you really focus, you can smell a bear fart! I'm good, thanks! Good on the whole bear fart situation. When I woke up today, crossed "bear farts" off my list. I-I've full - I've had my full accommodation of bear farts for the day. [Nicole voice]
Have you ever smelled something that triggers a nice memory? Yeah! And it's not bear farts! Sure! When I smell apples, it reminds me of my mom! Was your mom an apple? Maybe she was an orchard! When I smell crayons, I remember my childhood. You know, because that time I got a crayon lodged in my nose and that's all I could smell. When I burp, I remember breakfast! My man!
[Jack laughs]
