*Wha-push!* Top of the mornin' to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye And welcome back to Mr. President! Mr. Rock Hard Johnson, *Jack flexes* bodyguard of the century! Back in action, ready to save your wig I can't remember what the last level we were doing was, But I'm gonna try my best... To save this damn president! (Geez, Jack, chill) Even if it kills me! It's not gonna kill me... Because he's the one who always dies, and I'm always fine.. Uuuuuh yuuuuuh... Well I'm already *gunshot* failing this one, so I'mma just walk all cool, like... *cute laugh* I forget what's— Oh, RIGHT trigger is slow-motion Ok so.. You have to get up here.. ...*silence*... NAILED IT!!! XD OH! *gunshot* "BEST HERO OF THE CENTURY! *Squat flip* WOOO! YES!" BACKFLIPS! AND Cartwheels! Oh God.. What the fuck am I doing? Oh God! Am I fuckin' Smeagol or something? Oh god *laughing* i'm crawling ♪CRAWLING IN MY SKIN!!!♪ (my ears, Jack) *maniacal laugh* Okay! I'ma do it THIS time! Ede-uh er, Trump--Rump Whatever Could you- *exhale* HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Could you fuckin' move?! (NO!) aah I ALMOST DID IT I was misguided!! Let me up Let me up!! I CAN STILL SAVE HIM! *gunshot* (No you can't) NOOOOOOOOO!!! ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻ Get him! Get him! Save his-- What are you fuckin' doing?! Trying to be a fuckin' fly on the wall?! *Gunshot* NAAAAWW FUCK IT! #RAGEQUIT!!! *Groans* Imma do it-- No fuckin slow motion for me. HAHH! Fuckin'! *chuckle* I CAN DO THIS! I'M A TRAINED- COME ON!! *Gunshot* SON OF A BITCH!!! YEHASSSS HAH! FUCK YOU!! RANDOM WORKER! YEAH, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! YEA FUCKIN' GET UP off yer ass woul ja? "Rump Avoids Shooting, Still Insist the Chinese Love Him" Come on man... UGH!, I PRESSED R!! I'M SO USED TO PRESSING IT!! YEAH, I FUCKIN' DID IT AGAIN ANYWAY!! I'm so used to pressing it-- That I keep hitting it every time! 2 I fuckin' got this!! *Gunshot* Oh god--- I don't got this! This one I might actually have to block the bullet. Okahay! I looked AWESOME! I know he's dead and all, but I looked AMAZING, as I was starfishing through the universe. *Heavy nostril breathing* *Grunt * *Gunshot* I'm too fast. I'm too good at this. That's my problem. *Grunt* Come on!! Fuck's sake- WHY?!- WHYYY?! *Gunshot 4x* I can't do it- Now he's not even moving. Go! *Gunshot* Oiiiimrrrrrpresssideeeenttt!!!!! *Pink* Ahhh! Fuck mah face!! *Gunshot* I'm holding forward you-- FFFUCK! HUH YEHEESS!! Oh! DO YOU SEE THAT?! Wha- What's wrong? NOTHING'S WRONG!! That's wassup! WOOOOW Yea! Roundhouse Kick! Fuckin'- Party on! Fuckin' twerk for days bro! I'ma just sit down, and take a rest. Uh What else you got bitch?! Where even is he?! *awkward silence* *Jack confused* What? Ohhh wHY are you up there? *Stutter like laugh* *inhales* "Rump dead. MSG kills again" *starts laughing* sseh-- You know what? I wanna fuckin' join that! Ahhh Weeee! HEAHEAHEAHEA Yes! Now we can be chinese food together! *YUM* That's a brilliant texture by the way. Okay, what we have to do is this, watch-- hu- AH! Fuck yeah!!! ♪ BUHBUHBUHBUHBUM-- Why are you not getting over that you fucking hairy monkey! *silence* Fucks sake-- eeAHH! Fff-- Can I save him?! neOOOOOOOOO- Bwahwlawlawlawla I ate the food. *Disgusted look* *majestic flying rump* *shocked Jack* HE SAVED HIMSELF!? All that time, all you had to do was walk off the fuckin' edge!? GODAMMIT. See if you're not a fockin' moron, you'd win— oooooooooo!!! CAN I USE A GUN?!? That'd be awesome! "Have you accepted Rump into your life?" No. Thank Jesus. HUHAH- That's actually good, 'cause it's- *Inhale* Always a good thing about having accepted Jesus in your life, so-- I brought it back around full circle-- eeAHH BALLS! I'm already too slow, aren't I? uuAHHH Fuck-- *Grunt-exhale noise* I wanna see it in normal motion. *gunshot* It's so violent every time; it's awesome!! Okay. euGH Is that enough? No. Okay, I have enough time though. That's good to know. JUST-- GO! YESSSS! IT HIT YOU ANYWAY?! OH YOU DESERVE TO DIE. You deserve to die if that's the case. I'm trying my FUCKING best here-- To be the BEST bodyguard the world has ever seen! can I just do it-- *Gunshot* I don't even need slow motion. What am I doin'? *gunshot* *Gasp* HAH! Suck it sniper BITCH! He's not even around... Where is that sniper? He's off with a fucken wings. He's John Wilkes Boothing me.༼ ºل͟º ༽ Ohhhhh shite. Do I seriously have to do this? Ohhh no OH NO I'M COMING!! DON'T WORRY!! HUUAHHH YE- *stutter like laughter* -S! *Gunshot* That was awesome!! Mr. Sniper you're AWFUL at this! Oh god. Pieces of-- Pieces of RUMPle went into the crowd and killed 'em all! But Trump's safe! YEAHHHHHH! Ha Ha! Awesome! Oh no. HUH! I WAS THERE!!! FUCK. *gunshot* Now it's too fast! *imitates Rump* *Chuckles* Okay-- I got it. I got it-- I got it. HUUHH YEHEHEHES!! HAHH!! That was so cool!! "GOD has saved Rump once again" NO! 'Rockhard JOHNSON' has saved Rump once again! JACKABOY *Punches Head* UP IN THIS!! G-- I didn't realise that it was a statue of Trump behind him either. Oh god, Oh fuck. I did it-- Are you safe?-- BAAAHAHH!!! Run everybody!! *laughs* Can I flip onto these? HUH Oh shite. *Laughs* *Slowmotion* I DID IT See he doesn't land properly. He does that fucken bullshit! OK Let's--LES DO DISSSS *Faintly* fuck ♪OHhh how do I live without you?♪ BUDUBUDU!!! *crowd cheering in the background* Can I just run? Almost. What you do is you run onto the first one and then you jump. *laughs* HAAAHHHH! OH NOHOHOHO! Oh I almost did it. Bye. *Giggles* Hup- HAH Fuck. AAAA! COME ON YOU STUPID! HAAAA! *kawaii Jack laugh* I say--He got that stank leg! *blalalalala* *laughs* Oh this game is so much fun! Ohh It's so stupid. Oh Shiteballs! Oh no. OH NO! *stutters* Where is he?? Oh fuck... This is gonna be hard- Oh shit I shouldn't have done that...! I-I should have just ran instead of jumped!! *inhales* Uh oh (x3) UH OH (x2) I still got it tho! I'm still in the game!! I'm in it to win it!!! HUAHHH!! FUCK THE CHAIR! This is all about– Yessss YES GO! LOOK AT THE WORLD COLLAPSING AROUND ME! Ohhh this is EPIC! I feel like a fuckin'– a movie hero!! Go. Go! HUAHHH! *Jack starts up a scooter* DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE!!! DON'T YOU– NOOO *Gunshot* ooooOOOOOOOHHH... There's a special place in hell for SHIT like this... I got it. I got IT!! AHHHH *yelling* ♪ Now watch me WHIP!! ♪ Now WATCH ME NAE NAE! Is that it?? Is he safe now?! *gunshot* *Sigh of annoyance* ohhh IF I HAD MORE THAN TWO TESTICLES I'D ASK YOU TO SUCK ON ALL OF THEM!! GET UP!!! (x5) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Heh-heh Why? Why me?!? Why?! I've tried– FUCK SAKE! That just collapsed on its own anyway. I've tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end– GO FUCK YOURSELF! Can I go backwards?? Could I have just been jumping on all these things all that time? Nope. *Chuckle* What happens if I knock over the statue? HUAHHHHHH!! PUHHH!!! Oh god that's a fuckin' bouncy ass statue. Jesus Christ! Okay well, that's well and good and all Thi- this is so fuckin' tedious! I hate this shit! Just let me do it. Just let me do it!! JUST LET ME DO IT!! Okay. Please. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! AHHHHHHHHHHH– What do I even do here?! I CAN'T GET UP IN TIME! NOOOOOOO– WHY ARE YOU FALLING DOWN ALREADY?! OHHH MY GOD– [Jazzy Music] *Jack`s Totally Not Rage Pause* OH! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?! HOW DID THAT WORK?!?!?! I have no idea what I did but– I am so happy that I'm gonna wiggle my asscheeks in this chair. He's safe. Fire the shot! *gunshot* There we go. I fuckin'- I saved him. That bullet just went back and killed the sniper– OH GOD! That almost came down and killed him! Holy shit. Okay thank god that level is over. OH thank god that is over! THAT was like trying to tweeze– ARSEHAIRS off a Chihuahua. HOLY BALLS! OKAY! Lets fuckin'- okay lets just try these ones– I was gonna leave it here but– Not yet, Not yet. I- I need to be more Glory Greatest© *Jack is confused* Uhhhmmm okay that is very– Okay- oh there's spikes there! What the fuck am I supposed to do?! Ohhhhh I just have to stop the bullet. *gunshot* I didn't even see what happened!! Everything slowed down! -HUH I stop before I even get there! *slow gunshot* That's horse shit! The game glitches and you stop before you actually get to Rump! *Exhale* I'm fine. *slow-motion gunshot* I mean– I'm not (x3) Feelin' too bad about this. He's the one– (reading the sign) "Lets git mo' torture" HUAH That's it- That's the one– THAT'S TH- *Creepy Giggling as screen glitches* I wish I were dead! *slow-motion gunshot* YEHESSS!! FUCK YOU RUMP! WHY AM I EVEN PROTECTING YOU?! *Drunk accent* I- I don' fuhin' know... Ohhh- what?? Can I jump off you? No. *Giggle* What the hell am I supposed to do?! OH! I CAN KNOCK THE WHOLE THING DOWN!! OHHH! OKAY! That makes a lot more sense I trying, I was *intense stuttering* trying to figure out the fuck I was supposed to do! I'm comin' for you bro! ♫ DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN ♫ ♫ DUN DU- DU- DUN DUH- UHHHH! That's enough. THAT'S ENOUGH! HE'S STILL STANDING THERE!! If you're that badass why don't you just protect yourself?! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO IT?! I don't- I don't care anymore. I don't care I'm- *Whispers* What? Ohhh there's multiple walls to go through! Where- where's rump?! Oh. Oh! OH!! *laughs* I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH! *Laughs* This is so goofy! Okay. So I can run straight through. 1, 2, 3 Go over to the side here, and then over here. And... HUEH!! *voice crack* BALLLSSSS!!! OH THERE YOU GO YA MOTHER FUCKER! Stay on the ground!! DOWN ON THE GROUND!! Okay. One. Two. Thr- Fuck. One. Tw- One. Two. THREE! AHHH! There y' go. Attaboy! You're doing it! (x3) EH! Fuck ah! Barbwire! Ouch! HUHUUHUEEHUUUEEEHUHUHU Save 'em (x4) I just almost knocked the wig off and that's about it! I'm starting to think that he deserves this. WHY DON'T YOU JUMP?! I HATE HAVING TO DO SLOW MOTION– BECAUSE IT TAKES FOREVER! YES! *Bomb explodes* NOOOO!! Yes? Yes? YESSS!! Ohhhhh!! FINALLY!! I'M NOT PRESSING R, I'M PRESSING THAT 2 BRO! What? Oh OH OH NO (x2) Don't fall into those spikes! I'm here baby! THE FUCK WAS THAT?! K. I'm not doing that– I'm not falling on those. I'm not jumping on these. Okay (x3) Stay there. STAY THERE BABY!! STAY THERE BOO!! I'm startin' to think there's a sense of fuckin' DARWIN goin' on. I'm a- I'm a jus- ah no! I can do this! It's not that hard! It's not that difficult– It's fucking VERY DIFFICULT! You wanna bounce me? Bounce me! NOW WATCH ME DO! Okay I have a nice spread going on here. D- don't do it. Don't do it Land on me! (x2) *Bangs table* YES! YES! I GOT HIM! I SAVED HIM! Oh god, he got the stank leg going on again. Are you ok? *floppity* luluhhluhh Okay!! Well that does it for this episode of Mr. President! Saved him a bunch of times, don't really feel like he deserves it anymore, Because these levels are gettin' tedious as ♪FUUUUCK♪ And I'm starting to learn a lot more bad stuff about Rump. (reading) "They are coming for my job"
"They are coming for my money" Okay... (reading) "Don't tread on me" 'Cause now he's torture, walls, racism– Well, yeah I guess it true to life then... Anyway!! Thank you guys so much for watching this episode! If you liked it– PUNCH THE LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE– L*Voice Crack*IKE A BOSS!!! AND– high fives all around *WHAPISHH* ~(˘▾˘~) *WHAPISHH* (~˘▾˘)~ WELL THANK YOU GUYS AND I'LL SEE ALL YOU DUDES– IN THE NEXT VIDEO!! {Jack from another video}: YESSSS!! FUCK! OW! OH GOD! I'm just stuck in the blender. Oh Jesus somebody help me. OH! Spooky fuckin' ghosts! Woahhhhh godddd! Yes! That was fuckin' cool! Jack: I like how it gives you smooth jazz in the background. Just so you don't wanna kill yourself anymore [MUSIC PLAYS]
