Tripping At A Music Festival

I grew up poor and my dad was also pretty cheap and because of that we missed out on a lot of experiences and I grew up man I'm bummed that I did this but I grew up through my 20s and 30s like if I saw a steak on the menu there was $24.00 and I saw chicken that was 17 I'd be like even though I wanted this day do you know what I mean like I [ __ ] hate that my dad put that in my head so what I've started to do is listen guys it's important not to be willy-nilly with your [ __ ] money but if you got a hundred bucks and it's between 700 bucks and going to a concert you've always want to see it go to that [ __ ] concert here's steel a year from now you're not gonna have any idea or that hundred dollars went but you'll remember the concert so make some [ __ ] memories while you can still make some memory so taking that into account last September I got to see six bands in one weekend all on the bucket list now I spent more than I should have on this concert it was it was a it was old cello was Coachella for old people that anybody go did you don't have talked about it was the stones the who McCartney Neil Young Roger Waters and Bob Dylan on the same weekend it was amazing I think we didn't hear ever seen Bob Dylan report yeah he eats a bag of dicks that [ __ ] he's so bad did he play any hits when you saw no [ __ ] attack dude doesn't play warhead are you kidding me and I was so mad at like playing with a blue and the guy next to me was like yeah well the Bob Dylan he's earned the right to play what he wants and I would agree with you if he's playing in his own [ __ ] living room but he wasn't there were 90,000 people there who paid a lot of [ __ ] money paint tangles up and blue you piece of beef jerky [ __ ] you I will fight Bob Dylan right now I'll tell you that right now I'll fight that [ __ ] I think I got a shot about Dylan I'd like to hit him once just to hear him go I just but on the way in right I told my brothers I'm like hey guys I'm taking mushrooms this weekend and they were like which night I said you hear me this weekend and they were like why you gotta go you think oh you're gonna do that by yourself and I said no they give me 90,000 people there and they were like you know but you don't know any of them I was like well I'm I'm gonna now okay so in by the way I did it out of respect for the bands we were going to see I felt like they would want me to be [ __ ] up right so rich got a curiosity round of applause and I'm assuming this will be larger round of applause and in most cities people who have taken mushrooms before okay I was in Huntsville Alabama last week and I asked that question and one dude goes I got some on my salad right now [Laughter] and what I'm talking about so after dealing I was like I'm taking the mushrooms now I'm not I'm not I'm not putting myself through another disappointing show now following Dylan was the stones and I had never seen the stones before and so I am by the way city next to me was this old Hispanic couple and the dude had those like the round tiny glasses and he had a tiny ponytail you know one of these and it was pulled tight so dude look surprised the whole show and she scratched his back the entire concert Shh two and a half hours so about five minutes before the music starts I get my first little warm hug and I'm like I'm like this is about to be the best night of my [ __ ] luck right and so the guy next to me he turns to me to go hey man and I go hey and he goes what's your name I said Josh and he said who do you think the best rock band of all time is Josh hey listen guys I'm about to trip balls right [Music] so the last thing I want to do is have a conversation with the Mexican John Lennon do you know what I mean like I'm on Pasadena on that right [ __ ] now right so I just tell him what I think it's gonna answer the stop most conversation I said the Beatles and he goes wrong man it's stones she and I have seen the stone sixty-six times she said yeah and weary fall in love every show and I was like yeah I was like you're not sweet and I said very cool for me to watch the stones for the first time next to people who've seen them sixty-six times and I'm gonna watch them Reve fall in love right in front of my face that's the belt that melt off my [ __ ] skull you know [Music] I felt like telling them I hope you don't mind watching this concert next to the Ghost Rider because I'm not for sure what's gonna happen from here on out hi I'm Dean n started 10th dananddana and I'm like oh my god right I couldn't believe what was happening not kidding ten minutes in dude turns to me and he goes hey man and I go ahead and he goes what's your name and I was like [Music] I said Josh and he goes who do you think the best rock-and-roll band of all time is just and for a second I thought oh my god these mushrooms are amazing I was like this is the most visceral deja vu I've ever had in my entire life and obviously I'm gonna lie to you for a second I thought I can see the [ __ ] future I know how this conversation ends oh I'm gonna see this concert twice when we did the whole thing 66 times reef fall in love not kidding no joke 12 minutes later dude turns to me he goes hey man and I go don't you asking that [ __ ] question again dude and his wife goes to me you'll have to excuse him shhh he's done a lot of drugs he doesn't have any short-term memory and I was like well no wonder you got to see the stone 66 [ __ ] times and just so you know you don't reef all in love he thinks he bangs some chick at the Stones concert every weekend not as romantic as you think it is ma'am I'm just saying and then I will tell you what the true privilege of my life being there that weekend was watching a generation of people watch their idols for the last time guys so cool to see so cool to see because they were partying without inhibition look if we saw a bar full of 65 year old people upstairs getting [ __ ] up you'd be like go home yeah so you'd make a group decision like hey all of you you need to go right but this concert was for them it was for them to come and relive a snapshot of their life so they partied without inhibition and it was amazing to see and because of that there was a lot of old white guy dance circles popping up all over the place if you haven't seen one of those and when I say dance circle there was a lot of to gun salutes you know like and you can tell when they like the song you know why the guns went over the air there was one guy near me doing a lot of pencil and then near me also there was a big guy doing kicks like this he had been gone to 40 big dude he's kick and he's like yeah and I was like look at the big guy go like he's killing it and then big guy just collapses and I was like oh no he [ __ ] Riverdance himself to death like and he's not moving and I'm like oh this dude is it [ __ ] trouble right so they would come in EMTs come they put him a stretcher wheel amount you know and he's saying his eyes are closed and one of his friends there's near me leans over and goes dude has to be like mid-60s or something he goes hey man you gonna be okay and the guy just opens his eyes and he goes yeah I'm just really tired and his friend said what he goes yeah I got tired from dancing around so I laid down on the ground and then the EMT said you I can't lay here and I told them I'm not [ __ ] getting up I'm too tired and the EMT said if you don't get up sir we're gonna have to wheel you out of here and I said that actually sounds kind of nice shake it a little weird there was about 280 290 pounds dude run around shirtless doing this to be and I'm watching him and I'm like boy I really hope he doesn't come over here you know like so he comes over and his belly's all sweaty so there's like tracers flying off his stomach and his whole stomachs moving all at once and I'm like I'm never looking away I knew I was gonna get [ __ ] trapped in that thing right and then he said something to me that I promise you has never been uttered before in the history of human beings he shakes his belly at me and he looks at me he goes hey I go what's up he goes how many knuckles deep you think he can go on my bellybutton he goes how many Knuckles deep I go none nut nut roast beef dinner michael steep and he goes why not I was like why why would I and he goes everybody's doing that they go who is doing that and he goes everybody now look guys I'm shrooming you know what I mean and I don't want to be the only guy who doesn't figure [ __ ] this to the bellybutton I don't want to be debbie downer you know part of the group so I go oh oh what finger should I use [Music] because I'd use the index ok guys way to get so much worse so I go to Luba my finger and he goes now you won't need Lube in it just [ __ ] with rooms man right and I look at him I go we got room to spare big fella and he goes ok and I go to pull my finger out and you know when you put your finger in one of those Chinese finger locks and for whatever reason when you try to pull it out and clamps down on it I couldn't get my finger out of his [ __ ] bellybutton I would fool home on this dude's stomach like cuz there's no way I'm going out like that right and it just popped out right as soon as it pops out he looks at me he goes we finally found somebody [Applause] I thought everybody was doing that he goes who would do that [Applause] now let's get into a little truth time you ready for a little truth truth truth time as a man as a man as a man I had to fight every fiber in my body not to smell that finger one [ __ ] time don't you me you hypocritical [ __ ] you raised your nuts the first thing you do is smell oh you've got a unicorn on your finger you're never gonna smell that [ __ ] again now listen I did it I did it I did it didn't I I did not do it I did not do it I did it and then I gave my brother a dirty sanchez and I was like dude put a desk felt like he walked around the whole day like this [Music] because that's the type of [ __ ] life [Music] [Music]

Channel: Josh Wolf

Views: 4,168,241

Keywords: Josh Wolf, memories, music festival, Bob Dylan, The Rolling Sones, stand-up comedy, stand-up, comedian, comedy

Id: BIjvqNaKxMg

Length: 14min 21sec (861 seconds)

Published: Sun May 12 2019