My girlfriend cheated...with my best friend (showing real text messages) | #gaslighting #breakups

I thought about making this video for a very very long time the story about how my girlfriend cheated on me I didn't want it to be out of anger I didn't want it to be out of like maliciousness or anything like that but I figured we could learn some stuff here about hysterical bonding and gas lighting and if you don't know what that is that's when something bad happens to you but they make you feel like you are responsible for it and you caused it you brought it on yourself and you should apologize I kind of have a script pulled up here to the right of the camera so if you see me glance off that's what I'm reading I'm gonna show you guys the text messages I'm going to show you guys the back and forth I'm gonna tell you guys exactly how it happened and the first thought that a lot of you probably have is like Josh has a girlfriend what yeah I did I had a girlfriend for like four years this is the story of how my girlfriend flew across the country to meet a man she had never met but it wasn't just any man it was my best friend former best friend ex-girlfriend I'll flip flop those labels through the video but you guys get it by pure coincidence when I was doing the research for this video grabbing screenshots of messages for this video it's one year to the day exactly that I found out that she cheated and just FYI this is a really personal video might get a little intimate might find out details about me that you don't really want to know or that you didn't ask for but you know I'm human just like you guys and I'm sure we've all experienced heartache at some point but I feel like I should share this because I feel like if you're out there and you're in a crappy relationship and your girlfriend or your boyfriend and whoever else is making you feel like you're the one who caused it and that you should apologize for it that's crazy and don't feel like that so I start off with some background information we met on tinder years ago and I know you're all thinking like all tender and there's not far of relationships like I knew that at the time that was not my goal from tinder to have a relationship but things were just cool she was really cool we dated for a while and then she moved in with me and now I know I can I can already hear the comments oh no cohabitation Josh that's how relationships go downhill and all that stuff right like this is years ago yeah things for the most part things were good you know I had no issues with her really I was kind of just captain of my ship she was first mate you know she she was pretty chill and when she lived here she paid her share of rent you know there wasn't any freebies and going out anywhere and overall it was just kind of like it was good things were good there were no real red flags in the relationship at first right that's how it goes that's how it always goes and you know you were together long enough and you start to figure out people's flaws and yeah you had to go through them saturation all that stuff but for the most part she was chill and she didn't complain and she was down to do whatever she's spontaneous trips and you know get down in the car do the Mambo wherever you know like he was she was chill it was good but as any relationship goes on over time she got a little bit more demanding and less open to new ideas less open to doing I guess fun things things that she would have done without thinking before she didn't ever want to ride on the motorcycle with me and just go to her through the mountains she'd never want to learn how to use the one wheel she didn't want to just go take the Jeep into the snow and just do some donuts and stuff like just just fun stuff that you do as a couple you know when you're both free just spontaneous fun and again these are all things that she would have done when we first met just on a whim but as a relationship went on it's like I'm too tired I don't want to it's too cold outside and that never affected her before it's too hot outside and that never affected her before she was always down so again as the relationship progressed I do things a little bit differently now that I have been divorced like I'll never share an apartment with someone like I'll never put like both of our names on the rent when I bought my house my house was in my name everything was in my name always because I have nowhere to go and we came to the agreement that everything would just be in my name and if we wanted to break up you would go back with your parents and you wouldn't have to deal with me dragging you down or anything like that if something happened and we just go our own ways and you're free and clear of course we had our fair share of issues and most of the time like any regular couple we would compromise work it out but she did start giving me things like ultimatums like if you don't do this I'm not gonna do X and when she did that I wouldn't engage with those kinds of games so whenever she pulled stuff like that I would just be like you know what take it or leave it this is how it is we can talk about it but you just give me el tomatoes is not how this is gonna work there is the door she knew I didn't want to have kids she was cool with that she knew I never wanted to get married and she said she was cool with that at least at first and then over time the questions start coming in you know do you think that we would ever and my response would always be like no it's nothing personal there's just nothing that we can't have living together as a girlfriend a boyfriend that we get being married there's really nothing that's off-limits except the tax break and I can be on your like insurance plan you know but I like having a choice waking up every day and choosing still to spend my time with you and not going out and you know hitting up other girls all the time and if either of us change our mind about waking up and choosing each other I don't want to have to get the government involved in that breakup and she would always say well you know at some point I was like why do you even want to get married anyway she's like I just you know it's just on my list of things to get done and I was like I don't think that's how you're supposed to want to get married it's not just a checkbox you know like getting married is kind of a big deal she's like well I just want to be I just want to be off the market it didn't make a whole lot of sense she never had a good reason other than she just wanted to you know show her ring off I think girls this is me just me here I think girls want to want to get married but I don't think the whole being married thing is that appealing I'm smart fun to plan off the wedding get the dress and have the parties and all the exciting stuff building up to the wedding and then you blink and you're $40,000 gone and the wedding is over and I got a bunch of debt and okay what do you have to show for it so over time the intimacy side of things started to die down it was like at first it was like you know multiple times a day and then it was like multiple times a week and you know once a week maybe once every other day and there's a few times like just a couple times a month which was still by far way better being married it went from a lot to only before bed only in the morning before work and then the rules started to get stacked on like if you don't clean this I'm not gonna do this and if you don't do this then we're not you know she would hold she would hold sex as like you know a bargaining chip and again I would never play into that she would try you know I'll just be like alright fine we're not there's not gonna I'm not gonna do it then you know whatever I don't care I would just you know go radio silence as they say and you know it wishy ate a little bit of Dredd and if you know what I'm talking about then you know what I'm talking about on top of that eventually the ol yellow starfish happened if you don't know what - starfish is that's when your partner just lays there just like a starfish it doesn't put in any work yeah that happened after that the old maintenance comes around and then the maintenance is the worst the maintenance is you know are you done yet I have work in the morning can you hurry up like you know what I'm talking about if you know you know what I'm talking about and and obviously in hindsight all of these things should have been red flags but these things are really hard to see when you're in the thick of it okay so I already know the comments they're gonna be there Josh what are you doing that's crazy you shouldn't you know you should have left a long time ago as soon as you started doing this I know that like I'm aware of that but again hindsight is 20/20 I tried to be reasonable about it you know you start living together and that's just the way things are you know you see each other all the time it's just not as spontaneous and fun anymore which um and I would tell myself she just has a lot of school right now and she's just overwhelmed with with work in school together and she just wants to pass her classes and whatever she doesn't want to she doesn't want to do it and and now you might not expect this but I'm kind of like it I'm much like a touchy-feely person I guess like my love languages if you've ever heard of that it's like how you show someone affection I'm a I'm a huggy person I you know put my arm around you hold your hand you know whatever so like physical being physical with me is like really important and then the next one after that would be like acts of service I'll like cook you food give you foot rub you just do things for you that I know will help you out I guess that kind of like took its toll on me so that's a little bit about my ex-girlfriend let's move on let me give you a little bit of background about my best friend former best friend X best friend whatever you want to call it about a year ago I went to go visit my grandparents to see my grandpa who passed away earlier this year I wanted to you know see him while I could and my friend was also there in Georgia visiting his family on military leave and we decided to meet in the middle and hang out we went to the gym and it was the first time we saw each other in about nine years he joined the military and I went off to school in Finland and got married and that was like the last time we saw each other but before that we hung out all the time in school I would consider this man I would have considered this man to be my brother by all means except blood I would have considered this guy to be my brother he spent summers at my house weekends at my house we all we did was just play Halo together all the time he came on vacations with us all the time my mom is his mom my dad was his dad it was the same you know he was my best friend so after we hung out I came back to Utah and he went back to his little military town that he was in and I went on that trip alone my girlfriend didn't come she stayed here to watch the dogs and we all kind of had like a group chat where we just hang out and all kind of goof around and so he met my girlfriend and they started talking and I was like oh it's no problem he's a good dude he's my friend yeah I'm sure like you know how make you laugh toasting you memes it's it's whatever it's no problem I didn't I didn't think so much of it at the time I'm not a jealous person really I'm I'm gonna go through their messages and I'm not even gonna inquire I just trust people because I have no reason I have no reason not to what I didn't know is that maybe a month or two months after I got back their conversation turned into an emotional affair now I don't know exactly when it happens I don't when it went from just friendship to more than that but at some point that happened now my friend was going through a divorce at the time and he needed some emotional support and he kept telling me that I wasn't being a good friend and but I did what I could I sent him memes I sent book recommendations I called him to check in on him I played like we played pub G mobile a lot that was our thing we we got on our iPads and we just we played pub G mobile a lot and I talked with him and we hung out and I didn't always have time to do that my girlfriend at the time you know she'll she'll text you all day long where she I don't know what she does anymore but she would message you all day long and try to be that support character and try to help you out I guess she kind of like filled in the blanks there so on top of that also unknown to me my girlfriend was very unhappy with me like I I know that now and you guys hearing the description of how the relationship went you'd be like well of course she's unhappy with you Josh your relationship sounds like it's trash but it really it really wasn't I mean it was it's just hard to see it's just hindsight you know she wanted to travel around a lot on her spring breaks and all her fall breaks and on her summer breaks and I just couldn't do that I just quit my main programming job I just quit my side job I just quit all my jobs my job was to focus on providing for myself and my family like my mom and dad and and her and you know just staying afloat now I will admit that I worked a lot I was doing one video on one live stream every single day but by no means did I ignore her I spent time with her every single night we'd sit and watch Ghost Adventures that was our thing zak bagans and no no no we just watched Ghost Adventures and I'd sit and I just give her you know the light back tickles that's what she loved now we just do the same thing that you guys do as couples you know I would make her dinner you know I would go get her surprise chocolates and if you don't know girls really like back tickles and surprise chocolates especially if it's that time of the month yeah I wake her up you know she'd have the D appointments as they call them now on tinder and wake her up with a D appointment cuz that's what she was into god I don't think that I was a bad boyfriend bite any means I just didn't want to travel I just wanted to be here so that I could work and focus on my business and then constantly produce content just so that I could keep my house but those things weren't enough for her she wanted to travel and on top of that she also wanted me to upgrade the house that I bought because the house that I live in right now is really old it's like 1930-something house hey was my first house I got a yard for my dogs I'm excited about it and I just didn't want to spend the money on upgrading it I was just trying to not let the bank take it don't think I wasn't in financial trouble or anything but like that's all that's what I'm thinking about because it's a lot when you have nowhere to go and your parents we're homeless and you support yourself and them so buying a new refrigerator that does crushed ice versus regular ice that you have to make yourself or a microwave that has 9 million options on it or all the special buttons or you know an oven that does this or that extra feature that you'll never use like I don't care about any of that stuff it worked it was enough like it was fine from her point of view I'm just at home all day and so why am I not working on fixing the house and why am I not working on doing this or that and like yeah the house has its issues just like any house does but you fixed the major ones and then if you postpone the other ones that aren't so major until you get fed up with them this entire time my friend and my girlfriend were talking and texting more and more often I just never knew about it you know I don't check her phone I know I'm not looking over his shoulder to see who she's texting and the reason that I'm saying all this is because later in the video they they accused me of being a creeper and stalker and you know whatever and stuff like that I had warned her when they started talking that my friend is a lady killer this is what he does he loves women and he dates women non-stop that's what he's done his whole life he's been married multiple times and every time he was married he'd always have side chicks he would use the the married girl for emotional fulfillment and emotional support but the physical aspect wasn't enough so he would go out and get other girls and I told her this over and over is what he's done his whole life but you know he's my friend Who am I to judge and then she fell victim to that out of nowhere she decided that she wanted space since I wouldn't upgrade the appliances in my house and she just got more and more bitter about it out of nowhere so weird so I said sure no problem I need to focus working right now anyways you can move out I guess if you want to go back home with your parents get your own apartment yeah I just need to focus on sailing my ship right now I got to focus on my business and my journey and like ah like it's fine yeah no problem and you've never experienced what it's like to live on your own anyways he moved from your parents house in with me and so yeah go have that experience go get your own apartment you'll you know live life like that and it'll be like kind of like when we first started dating you know I'll go over to your place and you'll come over to my place and I was really cool about it I was really open-minded about it so then she moved out we were still dating we didn't break up we were still together yes I know that's a big red flag now again hindsight being 20/20 and she kept asking me if I wanted to go on a spring break trip with her and I just kept avoiding it honestly I kept avoiding it because I knew if I said no she was just gonna get mad and then one day she told me that she was going on a trip to Florida for spring break with her friend since I was busy with work and I was like oh okay she's gonna go she's not gonna get mad and I was like that's fine no problem you're gonna go with your friends that's that's great I have no reason not to trust you so she got prepped and she got ready for Florida she went got like a bikini wax all that stuff so spring break rolls around the day of the trip comes up and where I had an ice-skating show watching these people do like some cool acrobatics and we're holding hands and we're just you know just being a regular couple we just don't live together now and it was all good we had to leave the show early granted this show cost like 250 bucks at the time and I paid for it and we had to leave way early so I could take her to the airport so that she can make her plane so we drove to the airport she got on the car I helped get her bags out she gave me a kiss and she said I love you I'll see you when I get back I said I love you to us to you when you get back and before I got back in the car I loved her and I said oh where's your friend is is she around and she looks at me and she said oh she's not here yet she's gonna get to the airport a little later and I was like that's kind of weird cuz you're a little bit late for your flight as is she's like yeah yeah she's always like that okay all right well have a good trip then see you later so if you haven't figured it out by now she didn't go on a trip to Florida and this is the part where I'm gonna show you the text messages of how everything went down a few days go by after she goes on her trip and she became unresponsive she messaged me like the first day that she was there but then she just went unresponsive for like an entire day which was kind of out of character for her but you know she's on spring break she's on vacation she's a grown woman she's with her friend I'm sure they're doing whatever they're doing no problem no big deal I trust her so I was just sending her I was sending her this message about how I was redoing my schedule for teaching code because I was still teaching code last year and you can see they're redoing my schedule no students on the weekends I can spin that with you now and then I didn't get a response to that because I thought she was gonna be really excited and she never responded so I sent another text and I said you alive what's going on and then her mom messaged me because I guess she'd stopped messaging her parents too and she said hi have you heard from her and I said yeah she asked me what I was up to about half an hour ago and this was in the morning and I haven't heard from her all day after that and I said have you and this is at nine o'clock at night now and she says no not at all with a bus that a bunch of exclamation points can't even leave a message maybe she forgot her phone charger and I said maybe I'm sure she's okay she said please let me know if you hear from her and I said I bet she just dropped her phone or maybe got in the hot tub with it because she has done that before so I messaged her friend and said hey just checking in on you guys I hope you're having fun in Florida but her mom keeps texting me and wants to know that you're okay and she sent me a question mark back and then she said I'm in Utah that's when it kind of hit the fan and I said uh no you guys are in Florida on spring break right now and she said no I'm in Utah I don't know what you're talking about so I called her mom and I said okay we need to make sure that she's alive and well and okay and you know I said did she leave some papers printed there and they said no I said okay well do you have a flight number and she said no and that was kind of the first time I realized I didn't have a flight number for her flight either I never thought to ask for it because why would I that would be a weird request to ask for hey can I get that flight I realized it was strange when neither her parents nor me had a flight number to where she went that that was just a that's a big red flag I said okay well did she leave her laptop there and he said yes and I said okay open that up go to her email and type in the flight and see if you can find it there and then give it to me and I'll look it up and we can see where she went they went and they pulled it up and they gave me the flight number keep in mind this was at their house and I'm over here and this was just all over the phone and they called me back like I didn't go through her email I never went through her email or anything like that our parents strictly just looked up her flight because we didn't know where she was we were you know we want to make sure that she was okay they gave me the number I went to American Airlines website I typed in the number and this is what came up a flight that went from Salt Lake City to a tiny little town in North Carolina the same town that I visited a year ago that I flew back to Utah from after visiting my friend it's a tiny little town it's just a military town nobody lives there I tried my hardest not to freak out because the first thing you're gonna assume is there's only one person that we all know lives there and you didn't go where you said you went what are you hiding but I didn't want to freak out I didn't want to just jump to conclusions which sounds insane now but my girlfriend wasn't answering so I was like oh okay there's only one person that lives there so I called my friend and I said hey man is my girlfriend there he said what no it's late I have work tomorrow I gotta go to sleep and I said are you sure and he said no why would she be here it's late dude I have to go here's the text message where I said she said that she was going to Florida with her friend but her friend is still in Utah and he wouldn't answer my call again so I sent him the flight number and a screenshot and I called him again and he answered and he said no she's not here and I said pretty weird bro I said hey man are you sure that she's not there because her parents are really worried about her apparently she lied to them and told her parents that she was going to Florida too and we can't reach her her parents can't reach her her friend doesn't know what's going on and you're the only person in that town that we all know I sent the information to my girlfriend I said you didn't go with your friend and you didn't go to Florida and I sent her the screenshot of the flight number too and I said my friend is the only person we both know in North Carolina and there is no signal on that military base so it makes sense why you wouldn't answer your phone said why did you lie to me why did you lie to your parents WTF is this why you wanted to go on a break so now when I found out about all of this you can just walk away and say well we weren't dating anyways now in that text where it says is this why you wanted to go on a break she mentioned wanting to go on a break if I wanted to go on a break and we both came to the conclusion well I thought that we both came to the conclusion that we were not kind of take a break and we were gonna continue dating and that's what we decided to do she's like you want to take a break I was like I'm good you can just move out and we can still date she's like okay and that's what we did so that's what that is referring to there she finally answered me and she said WTF is going on I've been sleeping in because I'm tired would you like to call me and the first thing I said was argue with my friend and she said still no I'm in Florida and I said I just asked your friend and she knows nothing about it what's going on and she said how do you know why did you message my friend that's creepy and keep in mind I've met her friend multiple times her friend has come over to this house that I'm in right now and they've done arts and crafts in my living room for hours and I've sat in there and I've talked with them multiple times it's not creepy I have your flight number and I can see that you're not in Florida and she said how do you have my flight number and I said your parents gave it to me from your email we're worried about you and we wanted to make sure that you're alive and she said so you snooped through my emails just totally flipping the script just totally trying to make it my fault really aggressive really angrily and I was taken back and I said no your parents gave it to me I don't have your laptop it was at your parents house and they looked it up and gave me the number because they don't know how to reverse search the number cuz they're like older and then she lost it and she said I'm effing done with you and she hung up and by this point I was like shaking and I couldn't believe that this was like actually happening because never in my wildest dreams what I thought this girl would do that you know she's quiet she's introverted we have fun we sit and we shoot memes back and forth like you know I've never you know but again all the red flags in hindsight 2020 that was it I was shaking I was just shaking and neither of them would own up to it and I didn't sleep that night at all they wouldn't respond to anything I said so I decided to chill and relax some I guess and just kind of play along with it even though I was so upset inside and every time I messaged either of them to try to talk with them they would get really defensive and my girlfriend started saying things that weren't her like just typing sentences that I know that she doesn't type you know like you've ever heard something from someone here like that's not you you don't you don't talk like that here's a text message that she sent me the next day totally out of character for listen we're broken up we're not dating anymore me and him are friends and that's it we're visiting besides I don't owe you any explanation now I don't know about you guys but to me I don't owe you any explanation point is what if you don't owe me an explanation maybe your parents at least but this is so out of left field you know everyone has asked you to stop talking to me for a while and you still have it right now how you're talking to me is obsessive and potentially dangerous like first of all she would never say anything like that because I've never I've never put my hands on anyone I don't raise my voice like I'm very level-headed a very down-to-earth person I was just like can you please explain to me what's going on can you help me understand why are you there I just don't think you know and then given the circumstances it just didn't make any sense that's just so out of left field she said I want you to be able to move on and look at this breakup in a positive light find someone out there that fits your lifestyle and needs I'm asking you politely stop messaging me for now we can possibly stay friends but you need to give me some space and stop blowing up my phone a really strange language really something that she would never say sounds like something my friend would say that's kind of how he types text messages so you can imagine her sitting here and him sitting here and him saying you know him telling her what to type to tell me you know because she doesn't you know maybe she actually felt empathy maybe she actually felt that for it but he's there like [ __ ] I got a I gotta like get out of this somehow like you just tell him this telling this that's how I imagine this text message was generated all I wanted was a quiet getaway for a few days because of all the stress of everything and it blew up in my face and it turned out to be more stressful than ever well I mean you lied to me and your parents and your your friend didn't know anything about it and you and you continued to lie about it in the face of truth and I don't know what you expected you created a cascading effect when more people got involved I didn't need to get involved I didn't even want to come home to deal with it I said your mom kept texting me and calling me asking if I heard anything from you and I said no she's fine as you saw in the text messages previously and she says I debated extending my stay here until the end of the week because it was too much and everyone kept blowing up my phone she's trying to make this my fault and again this is gaslighting she's blaming me for getting her parents and her friends involved for wanting to checking on her well-being because she didn't want to have to deal with that she didn't want to get caught you know she didn't want to get found out and I don't know if their plan was to just never tell me if I didn't find out and and were they gonna start a little thing on the side and was she gonna come back and like officially break up with me or I don't know on the phone she said in my head we were broken up when I said we're not broken up we're still dating you can't what she said those words exactly in in my head we were broken up and I said that is not how breaking up with someone works you have to tell them that you're broken up yes you don't live here anymore but we were on a date when I dropped you off at the airport like we were holding hands I bought you two rose your favorite sweet food I got you a pretzel like you're like you know like not like that means anything but things that you would do if you're dating someone and in a relationship with someone here is evidence that my friend was helping her at respond to me the way she was so they could kind of get away with it she goes I want you to understand we hung out as friends that's it we hung out ate out went and watched the movie talked about what you guys are going through and what I'm going through I didn't and would never ever talk bad about you you are my friend and always will be hurts to read I stay neutral and asked her what she wanted I told her if she wanted to work on it it needs to be 100% effort and be real if you're done you need to do that 100% - and she said she was done but she just had a hard time doing it because she didn't want to hurt you I told her if that's what you want he needs to know that so that's when she sent you that message so you can see here I told her if that's what you want he needs to know that so that's when she sent you that message I didn't force her to answer anything that's not how she texts before I could tell her parents what happened she had already reached out to them and she said that I was being crazy she told them that I was blowing up her phone and she told him that I was being threatening and she told them all this stuff that even they know it's not who I am anyone who knows me knows that's not who I am and I was a mess I just wanted someone to talk to and so I did the dumb thing and I convinced myself that you know what I was wrong I was wrong I was the one who caused this I was this is my fault I'm the I'm the bad boyfriend I drove her to this behavior that's what she told her parents I drove her to this behavior and this entire thing would have never happened if it wasn't for me and I I bought into that because I just wanted someone to talk to I had no one I'm gonna have my dogs right but they can't talk back and I just that was it I was just at the end of my rope you know like as a bad time they start gaslighting me as they see that they're starting to convince me that I'm in the wrong in this situation as they as they can tell that oh maybe we're gonna get away with this and maybe he's gonna feel bad about it and then we'll both be able to go on with our lives keep in mind he's still married now his wife left his wife moved out but legally they're still married and he doesn't want his wife to find out about this the divorce that he had been going through he'd still been going through and if you don't know when you're in the military and you're married and you commit infidelity although hearts approve that's not allowed right and one of the reasons why I don't wanna make this video is because he wants to do was 20 years and get a paycheck for the rest of his life and I bought into the gas lighting I was like well yeah I don't want to do that to him because I don't want him to be homeless because I would never want to be homeless and that was one of the major reasons why I just didn't make this video because I don't want to jeopardize that for him but as you see at the end of this video he messaged me and you'll see what happens so just keep following along my friend was trying to Gaslight me trying to convince me that it's my fault that I'm being crazy and my girlfriend was also trying to convince me that I was being crazy and that I was being insane for trying to talk to them and question their motives and I have a bunch of screenshots here and you'll see in these messages all of these messages became about him about how I was always a bad friend about how I never spent time with him about how I never messaged him and how you know you deserve the situation we're in because you caused it and I'm the victim here and you'll see so let's take a look at the first message of the gaslighting process that they put me through we've known each other for a long time and we've kept in contact over the years and you'll always be my friend but I've told you multiple times dude you have to figure out how to balance your life you have good work ethic great but you need to make more time for yourself and your friends and your significant other you haven't done that that's why she's not happy with you that's why we aren't as good friends as we should be and that's why it is like it is right now so blaming me I shouldn't have lied to you I won't justify that and like I already said I apologize but I need someone who has the time to be there for me and support me as a friend and she's doing that so this part right here is when he's like well you snoop through her stuff Josh you went through and I said I didn't I didn't have her family go through her stuff her mom was freaking out because her story fell apart and she didn't have a flight number her dad went to her email and got her flight number and then gave it to me and he said whatever dude twist the story how you want it's funny how you'll blow up my phone when you think I'm having intercourse with your ex but don't have time to message me when I need an actual friend shows your priorities and this is the part where she said that I had moved her phone around and because she saw her phone move that I must be going through her messages like I don't even know I don't even know her password I have no interest in that and this is the part where he says honestly dude I don't really believe that she tells me how she finds her phone in different positions when she comes back into the room I get it you have trust issues but it's not right to go through people's stuff you don't have to lie to me she had messaged you and her family earlier yesterday so I doubt it was them flipping out I'm sure it was you who was more concerned about going through her stuff and seeing what she was doing and I get it because you don't want to lose her but maybe if you put as much effort into your friends and your significant other as you do your work and going through her stuff things would be different I'm not trying to be a jerk to you I'm just being real with you and you start buying into this he started saying that I've riled her parents up and I got them all upset and frustrated then as you saw earlier in the text messages her mom and her parents came to me and wanted me to check on her because they couldn't reach her says dude her parents didn't rile you up you did that to them they talked to her today and told her exactly what happened her parents literally fear for her because of how you're being okay you need to leave her alone at this point because it's starting to get out of hand and you guys did break up you just don't want to hear it and won't accept it we never broke up she never told me that we were broken up she said and she's worried for her parents too is that what you want her parents came over to my house that same night and gave me a hug and said thank you for checking on our daughter thank you for making sure that our daughter is safe thank you for letting us know what's happening and I said I'm really confused I don't know what what she's doing I'm sorry that you have to go through this too this is just nonsense this is just BS but at the time when I was reading this I was like you know what maybe I am wrong well maybe I am being crazy I'm not here to try to steal your girl so don't the last thing i'm looking for right now is another relationship after all this you've got her whole family riled up and threatened her and called us both over and over again at 12:30 at night and neither of us got any sleep and it wasn't because you cared about her well-being it was because it was important to you to know exactly what she was doing and with who and be up all in her business that's stalker ish and again as you can see from the text messages before we just wanted to make sure that she was okay right they they pin you in and they make you feel like you have to defend yourself and they gang up on you and because you're the one that's so heartbroken at the time you start to believe this stuff it's so messed up I said I wish I would have been invited you could have just told me that you she was going there you could have just invited me along and in this message he says no he wouldn't have come you say we're best friends but I basically just sit here waiting for you to have time for me each day because your work is more important to you I literally sit here and tell you I need someone to talk to you and you don't make time for me even when we game every now and then you still don't give me your full attention because you're still working so in between matches I'll be like editing videos but we spent like hours and hours playing pubs you mobile your girlfriend has been a real friend she's just as busy as you are and she actually makes time to talk to me and ask me how I'm doing no it's not nothing sexual and there's nothing going on like that I apologize for not telling you the truth it continues right here where it says I guarantee you would have overreacted either way like you even if they told me that this was gonna happen cuz wouldn't you guys be weirded out if your best friend invited your significant other to come stay with them and then you know have plans to play drinking games cuz my girlfriend didn't really drink you know I think that's just a giant red flag I think you guys would be a little bit concerned too you know you're gonna invite my girlfriend you gonna invite me especially because we're friends first I've known you for 20-plus years you've known my girlfriend for three months on facebook messenger you make it so hard to be your friends especially in a time when I need one and have nobody else she came down here to be that friend and be here for me nothing else you can believe that or not I'd still like to be your friend if you want but if you don't want to at the same time I understand but I won't sit here and let you talk down to me like you think you can to everyone else you know to your mom and your dad I get what you do it to them but I don't owe you anything and then you tacked on is it sad that you have the time to message me now when it's about this and not when I asked for a friend to talk to and have time for me and here's him again continuing on gaslighting more making more claims that I'm being crazy I'm down to talk just need you to be level-headed when you do it and this is how I always am just like right now just like this but again he says you need to be level-headed so I start to think to myself is this too much is is this not being level-headed so I have to pretend to be something I'm not to be level-headed like they Gaslight you that's what this is I get you're upset and it wasn't fair for us to not tell you that we were hanging out but you get certain ways when you're emotional you try to act like you don't get affected by things like maybe because you bottle it up so much because you're trying to keep yourself guarded but then when you finally release it you just explode and lose your mind they're trying to make it seem like I lost my cool just by asking them what they're doing that's why she didn't want to tell you she was visiting me and that's why you're pushing her and your friend away so now we'll move on to the gaslighting portion of my girlfriend and her making me seem like I caused this because I caused a bunch of people to inquire in her life about what she was doing and why would she do this she said did you know that she got scared her friend that I messaged did you know that she got scared for me and contacted my other friend who I haven't talked to you in 10 years and she got worried and contacted her dad I can only imagine that conversation took place when my dad and her dad got together the following morning and I said I didn't know any of that happened and your friend told me not to worry about it I didn't know she did any of that she seemed pretty relaxed about it and she said she got worried because some guy that I'm dating that she doesn't know was contacting her about her friend I would be worried too the whole thing was you know and when she says some guy that I'm dating that she doesn't know is contacting her makes her worry like it's not that I'm not some guy but she doesn't know we've met before you know like she was in my kitchen doing arts and crafts at this house in my last apartment and before we've met multiple times this is not you know begin gaslighting that's what this is that's what this looks like I sent her a screenshot of what my friend was saying to me and I said is any of this true like what's going on and she just said I don't feel like responding because I don't feel like feeding into this fire still I have way too much crap going on right now the last thing I need now is this this is why she didn't want to tell you in the first place and now after everything you've done with her family I'd say it's pretty justified you get pretty out of hand when you get upset and I honest you don't know how far you would go I think the best thing you can do right now is apologize to her family for getting them all riled up and upset because they're literally scared for their daughter right now and I think you should leave her alone for a while and this is me trying to talk to you as a friend and that's when I told her your parents hugged me and said everything was fine and that we're all so confused and I said I did my best to help calm them down because they were worried about you but I'm the one to be afraid of like are you afraid of me for real or is he just saying this and said can you clarify for a minute and I called her and she didn't pick up so after that last message they cut me off they wouldn't talk to me anymore and that was just in the first few days of this trip and she had like a week left and then months went by and I guess that was it was over it was done right it was done the first week that went by I was a complete I was a complete wreck no one on YouTube ever saw it none of you guys ever knew what was going on it was really hard it was really hard to maintain that YouTube personality and not want to make this video out of anger I went on 10-mile walks like every single day I got up I tried to meditate I tried to convince myself that this wasn't wrong and everything was fine and that I'm not a I'm not a victim I just listened to books on books on books over and over and I would just be walking my dogs in the park and there was a couple times I just fell down I just I started crying because I was like this is unreal it's absolutely unreal like just the first week it was so it was it was rough I tried my best to like maintain my sanity and you know when they say stuff like this happens the only thing that you can do is just work you know or move just pack it up and start over and I can't do that I can't get another house because I can't sell this house because I can't get a loan because like my business isn't two years old so I'm forced to be here in it I had never been so alone in my whole life like in Finland I had classmates at least here it was just me and my dogs and a few select people on discord I tried to call my parents tell them what was going on they just didn't answer they didn't care I just wanted someone to hug you know like I just wanted to something from somebody so shout out to a few of my friends on discord who took time out of their day to call me um Mike Matt Craig you guys are real ones so some more time went by and it started to like affect my dogs like she she hadn't moved out that long and I guess I was like upset about it my energy levels were down during the day and it started to affect my dogs like she she wasn't living here anymore and oh yeah did I mention that we adopted dogs like again the dog the dogs are in my name the dogs are mine on paper they're mine we didn't have to split that up but we got them together you know we went and got them together she was there when I got my first dog Suvi she was there when I got my second dog okö and it started to affect them and they wouldn't eat I had to hand feed my dogs my dogs wouldn't they didn't want to hang out with me they didn't want a whole lot to do with me I would try to get my dogs come up on the bed but they wouldn't they wouldn't do it because the bed didn't I the bet just didn't smell like her anymore so what I did was I went out and I got the same shampoo that she used for her hair and I washed towels with it and I put towels on their dog beds on my bed so that they would come on the bed and then hang out with me sleep in my room even say wouldn't they just sleep on the couch Alex had even even to this day even to this day every time there's a red car parked in front of my house they start whining and they get upset and there's you know they think that they're they think that their mom is coming back they think they think that it's her and they start getting super excited and and I have to say like it's it's not your mom like an I have to close the curtains and I have to pull them away from the window because they start whining and yelping and it destroys me like even now it destroys me to have to do that it's not like you know I'm not like falling over crying or anything but it's really hard like that just happened the other day I took a video up and send it to my friend and I was like you see they think it's her they think that she's coming back she's not and then one day I start to get messages from both of them I bought into it I responded to them and they started talking to me like nothing happened like none of that actually ever happened my friend messaged me and said that he got a new girlfriend and he couldn't talk to any other girls anymore and so obviously that means he cut my girlfriend off and guess who else slid through the dams and because I was so alone for that long to finally be able to talk to those people that were your friends because you don't think about the negatives you don't think about what they did to you right when you think about past relationships it's why people get back with their exes you see everything through rose-tinted goggles and you want to forget about all the hard times that made it not worth it you know and so when they reached out to me I responded and I was so dumb I was dumb I was dumb so the ex-girlfriend reaches out to me she basically came crawling back my friend cut her off she was salty about it and just like I thought she would she was one of the girls that got put through the cycle of what he does to women physical spits you out get some new girl cuts you off but by this time he was actually divorced like the divorce actually finalized and so he jumped right into another relationship and cut everyone else off that's what he does for those first few weeks got seem like a real loyal guy to your girl kid always tell me all right don't don't say anything to my girl about like my other girls they don't like please don't say anything he doesn't he done messed that privilege up there my man if you're watching this video but the ex-girlfriend she just got put through the cycle she was used and he moved on to the next one and she started coming back to me saying things like do you want me to live with you again just like nothing had happened just like I could forget about that just like none of this ever existed she sent me another messages I said I have a question she said do you miss us and I said do you and she said every day I miss the affection the love the touch is having someone to come home to the stupid jokes we crack the time we spend together those embracing arms of yours all of it and I fear I won't find that again if it isn't you kind of funny how it comes full circle like that huh obviously as much pain as as I'm in I'm not dumb enough to buy into this for sure right I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go back with this girl you crazy this no she said I wasn't planning on breaking up with you you just overreacted and it pushed me far away and I know that you apologize that's how that's how that's how they that's how much they convinced me I know you apologized I apologized for reacting in a normal human way she sent me another message that said it's easier when you share the same bed each night I miss you and again obviously I'm gonna say no I had asked her a few times what what actually happened between you and my friend did you guys actually do anything like to this day I still don't know both of you guys said no but every time I brought it up you just say I don't know why that's important so I said if you want to move back in with me and you want to get back together with me we need to sit down and you have to tell me exactly what you guys did there like the tables have turned now you know tables are totally flipped you've got to tell me and even now I wish I've recorded this conversation but I mean you guys can yeah we all know what they did we sat down face to face and I said you need to answer did you guys have intercourse what did you guys have relations there was it more than just friends did you are you did you lie to me she told me everything she told me the whole spiel she told me that they had been talking for months she told me that she had sent him nude pictures and he sent her some and in the years of relationships she never even sent me one it's not really my thing I don't really ask more of a like traditional guy like but there was a couple times right I was like guilt send me send me some pics and she was like no I'm not like that I was like okay so when she told me that I was like it's like a different girl like who are you did you guys do it as you both said nothing went on and she looked at me she goes you really want to know Josh do you really want to know I said yeah are you sure you want to know I said yeah and she looked at me in the eyes start to get a little red eyes teary now and she was like yeah we did and I had prepared myself to hear it to my face a million times in my head when I took those long walks when I listen to books I prepared myself to hear it you know cuz I could never confirm it and I kind of got a little bit more hardened I guess but when she looked at me and when she said it and confirmed it after telling myself that they did it a million times in my head but having no way to prove it when she said it to my face my heart sunk my stomach dropped lost my appetite but I still maintained a straight face and just looked at her and I said that really hurts I've prepared myself for that answer a thousand times but I didn't think that you would say it because I didn't think that you were that type of girl I didn't think I would ever actually have to hear it I really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt and the fact that you just said that to me is really difficult and I said did you guys do it multiple times she said really and I said yeah I want to know she said yeah we did how many times I don't know two or three times so you know that numbers way inflated way way way inflated and I said okay well did you at least make him wrap it up did you at least make him be safe about it because he just does and randos all day long and I know for a fact he doesn't wear them because he told me he doesn't and he's like dope dude I probably got like a bunch of kids out there with girls that don't even know my first name did you even make him wrap it up because like this guy probably has something and now you do and she looked at me and said well I have the IUD right so I figured it would be okay and again I just look at her in the eyes I just kind of shook my head she started crying a lot more now and I looked at her and I said how could you do this to me yeah you moved out but you said we were still dating you looked me in the face at the airport and you said I love you see you soon goodbye and again she repeated to me well in my head we were broken up and this was the first time that I talked to her like on this level like level-headed like the girl that I knew and I said you hear the words coming out of your mouth right you hear what you said out loud like in my head we were broken up you understand how crazy that sounds right you realize what you said because in your head you could be in outer space but that doesn't actually mean you're there and she just kind of like did that kind of like smirk shrug just I was like why didn't you just tell me why don't you just say I want to break up she's like because I didn't I was like where are you pressured into anything no and by this time she was just full-on crying and I've only seen her cry a few times and whenever she's cried she'd look away but this time she wouldn't she wanted something from me and when I started crying and she was just like you know doing the sniffles it felt good it felt really good to watch her experience some level of emotional pain and I know that makes me a horrible human but it was just mind-blowing to me how she could box me away that fast and just totally go no contact after years after a having dogs together after going on vacations together you know like this happens you'll go read books that Rollo puts out and they just have this ability to box you away and put you in a corner and never think about you again like men cannot do that women have this amazing ability to just be like you know what we're done by no-contact I will never understand how you guys do it and so finally when I get some emotion from her after she's crying it felt it felt kind of good because I knew that I was not gonna get back with her I knew that I was not gonna let you move back in with you not after everything you did to me and my dogs and you messed up my budget because you just left you didn't tell me I had a budget that I was working on you paid rent and then you just stopped paying rent out of nowhere and just moved out and remember how I said she went to go get a bikini wax for Florida and stuff well they didn't do a very good job of doing the bikini wax because she asked me to manually take tweezers and pluck the ones that they missed around the brazillian area down there and to know that I plucked the hairs not for her to go to the beach but for someone else really hurt so seeing this happen in front of me was just like you get what you deserve and then I said you remember all those times when we talked about how crappy it was to cheat on someone remember how you always said once a cheater always a cheater you'd never give a cheater a chance remember all those co-workers you made fun of for cheating on their boyfriends and girlfriends you're the cheater you cheated and I said no you can't move back in with me and she left and that was the last time I saw her and I sat and thought on that for a while and I didn't tell my friend that I knew that she had admitted the truth because they weren't no contact now he had a new girlfriend she was upset she has no reason to make this up no reason whatsoever she wants something from me you know if anything she would lie about it continuously and not tell me the truth you know but she had no reason to make this up and my friend didn't know that she just spilled the beans and so I said and I thought about making this video every single day since I found out even more so because I didn't want to mess anything up for him because he was my brother we lived together cuz I know that you're gonna watch this video and I know that you're gonna see this and you're still gonna say no and I am and I know that you're lying because you lied before like five times before you admitted she was even at your house I decided to put it to the test he messaged me one day and said how was life because I just ghost him you know okay things can never be the same I can never talk to you he said how's life and my response was I know that you and my girlfriend had intercourse with no protection two or three times and I said actually I've known for a while now she told me everything I've just been debating letting you know that I know and his response is why are we still talking about this and I said because you told me you didn't and I believed you and he said well we didn't believe it or not I don't know why it's so important to you it's in the past tell that to to like you know what if like people in jail said that about their crimes it's in the past can't do anything about it you're out like your whole you know I did lots of bad things but it's in the past I don't know why it's so important to you and he said if that's where you want to be then you can stay there along with our friendship you don't message me ever anymore asked me to play games or BS and then you accuse me of stuff glad we are friends and again he tries to Gaslight this time but I'm not having any of it I don't care I don't care I don't care dude you watch the video I don't care you're not gonna flip the tables on me again I'm not I'm not buying into this you know you can play me me me you're a bad friend all day long I'm not buying into it you're lucky that I was friends as long as I was with you he continues on to the next message he says if your priority is to find out if I did your ex or not instead of being any sort of friend then don't worry about being friends then he said take care man thanks for the good time and now was the last time I will ever hear anything from him that was my brother my childhood friend and I'm never gonna I'm never gonna forgive you not gonna happen I'm not gonna lose sleep over but I'm never gonna forgive you and I'm definitely never gonna forget and I feel sorry for all the girls that you make believe and that you convince and that you you [ __ ] up people's lives because you have no emotional control because you can't be alone because you need emotional support from someone even when you already have a wife you still need someone else two three more wives like I don't care you lied to me once about my girlfriend flying across the country and being at your house so I have no reason to believe this now especially when she told me to my face and again you can see the message that's why she's not happy with you that's why we aren't as good friends as we should be and that's why it is like it is right now it's my fault I shouldn't have lied to you I won't justify that and like I already said I apologize but I need someone okay so then I flip the script but I need someone who has the time to be there for me as a friend support me and she's doing that well guess what you cut her off because you wanted a new girl anyways guys this is probably a really long video and really intense and really unrelated to anything I make on this channel but I don't want people to be in bad relationships you owe it to yourself to not be in a bad relationship and you definitely owe it to yourself to not get taken advantage of like me and don't let yourself get convinced that you're the one that caused this like if it had been you know some Rando guy if that would've been a thousand times easier just be like you bye whatever but it was the people that were closest to me and there's just you know it's just not right if you're out there and you've been convinced that you're somehow the bad guy you're not everything that you think in the back of your head like what am i doing because when I was messaging these things in the back of my head when I was being gassed late I was like Josh what are you doing why are you saying this and in the front of my head I was like because I'm lonely and I want someone to talk to you and I have no one I don't know how it goes and that's the story of how I got cheated on it's a lot it's personal it's affected me a lot and me and my dogs still work through it I've gone on dates since then and I've learned a lot I have a lot less tolerance for BS these days and it was really hard at first getting back into the game like after years not doing it and that's one thing like that's really like like I'm like and I want to get a relationship again because getting back into the game after years it's like do I even know how to talk to a girl again that's like a whole nother video in itself about how I got back into the game and how I learned to date again and not to mention when you say that you do YouTube for a living everyone thinks that you live in your mom's basement and then when they find out that you make triple what they do in a month they're like oh what's up let me get some of that clout now if you guys want stories about like some crazy dates that I've been on cuz man I've been on some crazy dates maybe I can make those in other videos it's really difficult now to trust anyone even more so way more so hard to trust especially new girls because you just don't know you know like she was there when I told her I hated mechanical engineering and I wanted to quit and learn code she was there when I was learning code she was there when I was switching jobs she was there when I opened my own business you know she was there from like day one and this doesn't like make up for anything that she's done I know that she wasn't in it for the clouds or the money or anything like that she was just there cuz she liked to be there because she wanted to be there like any person would be in a relationship and I'm not trying to say it in rose tinted goggles or anything it's just hard to trust people because I think a lot of girls they find out and they just totally shift their perception of you I don't know hard to find girls are the same interesting that's for sure especially in Utah the last year has been extremely rough for me on top of like dealing with my dad's health he's had a lot of health issues that I've had to deal with I learned a lot about perseverance I really had no choice but to work through it because again I know where to go if I lose this I got to keep working for my dogs for my dad for me for you guys um but I'm making it through every single day this is just the stuff that you you see in movies but you never think it happens to you and I never thought it would happen to me not after getting divorced then after like learning all the red flags not after going through it once you know I'm never gonna happen again never let yourself in it wasn't some moments were just as hard thanks for coming to my TED talk guys if you got something out of the video hit like hit subscribe leave a comment let me know what you think and if you want more videos about relationship stuff yeah that's it have a great day have a great night I'll see you guys in the next

Channel: Joshua Fluke

Views: 1,188,388

Rating: 4.8203735 out of 5

Keywords: joshua fluke, code bootcamp, javascript, how to code, web development, brand, developer interview, developer jobs, corporate cringe, divorce, story i dont talk about, entrepreneurship, digital brand, im divorced, i was cheated on, my girlfriend cheated, gas lighting, My girlfriend cheated...with my best friend

Id: XbL2gTjAM50

Length: 63min 21sec (3801 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 11 2020