my family disowned me...updates and what i've learned | #grindreel

whenever i make videos about my family and i put it on the public forum i get a lot of backlash for it and i don't really care it's breaking a social stigma that people are too afraid to break because of the backlash people always say share your mental well-being josh talk about mental health share how you're doing and then when you do they say shh man keep that inside okay just go talk to a professional and get help we don't want to hear about it okay you shouldn't be talking about this publicly do you guys see the irony there i'm not ashamed for talking about this publicly i don't care i think this helps people and judging by a lot of comments i get personal emails i get they say thank you for sharing this i've gone through something similar and it's helped me solidify what i think or what i need to do this is an example of what i mean this guy andre says it's not your toxic girlfriend or boyfriend dude it's your parents your parents are sacred i really feel for them getting stabbed like this by your own son sucks especially when you have problems with addiction like i've spent my entire life trying to raise a decent human being and this is what i get for all the sacrifice that really sucks he says sorry for not licking your a-hole like everyone else in this pathetic comment section is it a troll maybe maybe not because i actually get a lot of emails similar to this you know keep that to yourself why would you ever say that about your family they aren't my family anymore they're just people they're just a sperm donor and an egg donor at this point just because you in the comment section have a nice mom and dad it's easy to say well you're a terrible son or just don't talk to them anymore it's really easy to do that when you come from a caring family i feel like it's really difficult for people to feel what i feel when they haven't experienced it they say oh you're just being a [ __ ] you're just being a baby man up so you let your parents steal and lie and ruin your finances because they're sacred this is absolutely insane at a certain point you can't just let people walk all over you because of a title another one from this dude named alpha hit he says this guy is one of the most hateful non-political technical guys on youtube and hates sells good i'm anything but hateful i think i've given and given and given to my family out of love and respect for trying to get them back on their feet because of how i saw them in my head as people that have made mistakes but are trying to do better i don't think that's hateful but at a certain point um you can get angry and i think that's perfectly acceptable i'm seeing a lot of comments defending my parents saying they didn't choose drugs over you josh addiction changes your brain chemistry okay none of that garners any sympathy from me my parents made the choice to try drugs and substances instead of working and trying to support each other while i was giving them money and paying for everything that they need that was a choice made out of selfishness or weakness or whatever it was that was a choice to choose a substance over their family that receives no sympathy from me and just because it does change your brain chemistry doesn't mean that i have to see it as less than what it is because maybe they weren't in control i don't care i'm still angry what they did is still absolutely terrible one thing they tell you in rehab when you go is that no one has to accept your apology for what you did you can apologize and if that person doesn't care so be it and that's where i'm at i get it addiction is a terrible thing everyone else's feelings towards you becomes irrelevant because it's all about just not getting sick and maybe you're aware of what you're doing to people and how horrible it is and that only makes you further go down that cycle sure i believe people can get better and recover but i don't have to forget what they did and i don't have to forgive what they did if i mentally in my head say oh okay well i forgive them they messed up i've already done that 40 000 times doesn't even mean anything to me anymore you know after that conversation with my dad him revealing everything to me i've come to the conclusion again that you guys are right and he's doing this thing called hoovering which is where he attempts to be friendly with me so that he can get back in later down the line and eventually ask for money and support he actually sent me a bunch of text messages after that phone call saying i am truly deeply sorry for lying to you can't even make it sincere and i've really missed the time we once shared i think he means to say but i get it so take it at your speed for now it would be really nice to fly out and see you again are you out of your mind really already saying let me fly out and see you your call no i'll get the ticket don't worry of course you'd get the ticket why would you even bring that up he says take care love you son and then after that another text and who knows maybe i'll just get a nice enough and fast enough car to drive out there in less than 20 hours hahaha maybe he says never surrender right because on that phone call my dad told me he was going to get a tattoo of a knife on his arm that said never surrender surrender to what dad what were you surrendering to before that you were fighting drugs he kept asking me for my address and i kept saying no i'm not going to give you my address i said dad if you if you care about me send me something spend a dollar on me send me something for my birthday that you missed send me something from for christmas that you missed and he kept saying josh well if you want something i'll have to wait till next friday until payday but he also kept talking to me about how he's saving all this money so he can move into a house next month and he also kept talking to me about how he's saving all this money so he can move back from the east coast to the west coast he kept saying that well i'm about to go to the grocery store after this phone call but i wanted to give you a call and see how you're doing dad if you're about to go to the grocery store which i've heard a thousand times for some things why can't you sacrifice some groceries and buy me a candy bar and he's like well i just don't have the money again full of lies and nonsense and that was me not actually asking him to send me something but just to qualify him to see if he was lying and see how much of of what kind of excuses he would come up with if i just asked him to buy me a candy bar and it was insane four different steps i'm going to the store to get some groceries i'm saving money to get a house i'm saving money to move back to the west coast oh you want you want me to mail you something we have to wait till payday that seems legitimate to you guys he said i'm really happy you answered my call been really scared to call you dude question mark question mark question mark glad i did i said it doesn't make everything instantly okay again i'm pretty hurt then he said forgot one more thing at least something i did was right and became mechanically inclined who'd figure that i told my dad that i would be finishing my basement and that i've worked on my motorcycles by myself since normally i i would depend on him he's the mechanics guy that fixes the mechanical stuff and since he hasn't been here i've had to do that stuff myself i have become mechanically inclined and you can see here i was right in my other videos where i say my dad has basically written me off since i was a child because i wasn't interested in mechanics and taking things apart and putting them back together you can see that here because i told him i was like yeah dude i've been doing all these things without you and i've been just fine and he goes at least something i did was right and you became mechanically inclined and you can see just how important that was to him here's another comment this is my first time youtube recommended your channel to me i don't know why perhaps their mind readers and found out that my own father disowned me normal people would keep your family [ __ ] to themselves but since you are clearly seeking validation and monetary i think it means compensation via youtube why not dude you're no better than the person you're discouraging yes i'm trying to seek monetary compensation from these videos there's no doubt about that i'd like to make the money back that they stole from for drugs i'd like to make the money back that they charged on a credit card for 10 grand i'd like to make the money back that i could have spent pursuing my dreams instead of sacrificing them to help someone get back on their feet but hey mr 400k subscribers you really know how to appeal to the mob mentality he says here's hoping your youtube channel nose dives and knocks your ass off its high horse because i talk about my family issues in a public way i'm on a high horse buddy whatever helps this give other people by you posting this it really compounds the difficulty in your situation by you publicly airing your personal drama this is best left for trained professionals that can help you not the internet trolls that may or may not give you good advice and again i said the same thing i said at the beginning of the video publicly airing my life and experiences is perfectly fine stop gatekeeping what people can and cannot say on the internet people say be open about your mental well-being and share what you're going through that's talked about non-stop and when you do say they say keep that [ __ ] to yourself and just talk to a professional do you guys see the irony in that people are afraid to share their experiences on the public forum because of people like you the same people who say it's okay to share what you're going through are the same people who say be quiet we don't want to hear it so [ __ ] off i have no issues going through the social stigma zero at all and i have no problem calling the people out that that try to shame me for doing nothing but share an experience that i hope other people can learn from it's kind of funny for me to go back in time and look at screenshots and messages and pictures that i had during this time because i knew things weren't adding up i knew things were weird and odd and things weren't just right and so i took screenshots and i sent them to my friends and i said dude can you believe this and they'd say nah dude that's crazy and i'd be yeah man but that's what they're telling me so it is what it is i don't have any proof otherwise and i'd keep supporting them and now when i go back and look at them everything adds up for example when i sent my mom back to georgia to go take care of her grandfather before he died well here's a message from my grandmother saying that i need to support my dad i need to keep giving him money i need to keep paying his rent and i said well what about his wife why can't she work please tell me why my mom can't work and my grandmother said she's been constantly sick since her dad died and now we all know she has been sick because after she used up all of my late grandfather's pain pills she didn't have any more and she was getting sick dope sick i said bs i don't believe that she can work because i had no idea that my mom would ever be the person to use drugs like that i never believed it i said she's a grown adult she can work my grandmother said you don't know i said she's just lazy because i would rather attribute my mom being lazy than an addict never in a million years did i think that would happen i held my parents so far up here because they were the people who took care of me right and i respected them and it's funny because my grandma says you don't know i don't know you're right i have no idea but why won't you tell me what's going on then this is what they'd say you don't know what's going on so tell me what's going on well it's more complicated than you think okay so tell me i'm the one financing them anyways you were lying to me you knew there was something wrong you knew this was bad and you still told me to provide for my dad again which really meant if i was supporting my dad by giving them money i was also supporting my mom and they were buying drugs with it here's a picture from a story that i've shared many many times and i don't think people believe me my ex-girlfriend cheated with my best friend or ex-best friend and i went to go visit my dad because i just wanted someone to hug and to hold because i didn't have anyone so i went to his door knocked on his door and he wouldn't let me in he came outside in a robe all fidgety very out of whack very out of it very kind of whoa like he said that he just woke up but if you look at this picture does it look like he just woke up do you see the burn marks in the robe on his arm what could that be from and to know that just inside the wall that he is leaning against is my mom and my sister in there doing heroin meth cocaine whatever it was to to know that now infuriates me just five feet out of reach just if i were to just reach my arm through that wall i could touch my mother and i'm under the impression that my mom doesn't even live in the same state as me i have a lot of pictures like this and i try not to show them but when i when i go back through and i look at them it all makes sense i don't think people believed me he came outside and he didn't really even understand what i was telling him i said she cheated he's like what wait what what he just couldn't he he was incoherent my friend asked me how are you doing josh where are you at i said i'm at my dad's he won't let me inside it's really strange and i even tried to push him out of the way and grab the door handle and go in i was like what are you hiding dad he said josh don't just don't go in there it's messy less than three feet away are people doing illicit substances and aren't just people they were my mother and my sister to know that i was this close to discovering everything but i didn't because i held them to a higher standard than that just is mind-blowing is unbelievable i think my parents have ruined all words of affirmation for me they've ruined all words of meaning because they come from the people that you hold the highest in your life the people that are never supposed to cross you and they lose their meaning this has actually affected my relationships now i'm not afraid to admit it if hr lady says i love you it's really difficult for me to give a response back because i just don't feel anything it doesn't mean anything to me at all anymore and i know she wants to hear back so i'll say it but when people say things like i love you i care about you you know you mean a lot to me or i'm sorry or please forgive me or they just hold no meaning to me anymore and when normal people that do mean it say it to me it makes me look like i'm super autistic i guess i mean i'm not trying to offend people who are autistic but like i just stand there because i have nothing to say back because it doesn't have any value to me i'm all about actions show me that you care don't say it to me because i've heard it all when people say i truly am xyz don't care doesn't mean anything to me when people say it was never supposed to blah blah i didn't mean doesn't doesn't mean anything to me when people say we will always love you doesn't mean anything to me forgive me please doesn't mean anything to me none of these words mean anything to me anymore like when hr's family says it to me you know we're really glad to have you here it's like i really want to believe what people are saying i really want to believe you but like show me i need time i need consistency and it's really strange because the most meaningful words are the most meaningless they're the most empty they're the most hollow these days i don't trust anyone like at all especially because of everything that's happened if two people come to me and they both want something but one is authentic and one is not to me they're both suspect and yeah mutual exchange is pretty normal right you give something to someone someone gives something back but for me it's like anytime someone says hey man that's really cool i'm instantly like what do you want from me what are you gonna do to me what are you gonna try to take from me i guess that's all i have for this video just kind of rant hopefully it's coherent thank you guys for being here and supporting me and thank you for all of the insights that you've given me i've learned a lot of new things i've learned a lot about different narcissistic youtube channels that i have been watching i've learned a lot about different terms like hoovering and stuff um you know you know i think i'd be open to talking to like dr k about this dr k is absolutely amazing i've actually watched a lot of his talks with other people and i've i've tried to take those and and internalize those things and how they apply to my life so dr k if you're out there i'd i'd be happy to talk to you if you want of course but yeah thank you see in the next one

Channel: Joshua Fluke

Views: 93,609

Rating: 4.9312873 out of 5

Keywords: joshua fluke, code bootcamp, javascript, how to code, web development, brand, developer interview, developer jobs, corporate cringe, divorce, story i dont talk about, entrepreneurship, digital brand

Id: oj81nToLz8s

Length: 17min 0sec (1020 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 24 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/nollange_]

This absolutely should happen considering his really fucked up background with his family (none of which is his fault)

[u/badeend_180790]

I just stumbled on to his channel. I thought he might need some help and support. And now i see this video here. Would love if dr. K had a talk with him on or offline I don't care. Looks like a good dude in a bad situation.