My family disowned me - 1 year later [narcissism in family relationships] | #grindreel

look it's the most depressing channel on youtube again welcome back i'm just kidding welcome back to some content that you probably maybe you subscribed to this maybe not i've made a lot of videos about it but in may of 2020 my grandparents said i hope you can live the rest of your life without your family and if you haven't seen that video which i'm sure a lot of you have it has like a million views now never thought that would happen basically it's because i refused to pay my parents rent after months and months of him claiming that he was unable to work and i let everyone know that i wasn't going to be a doormat anymore and i i just couldn't keep providing money for someone who was able to work but just couldn't for some reason or there was always an excuse so my family turned on me and told me to never talk to them again saying life isn't about money it's about family and togetherness and basically just gaslighting and i have a whole bunch of videos about that it turns out my family had a drug addiction that i was unknowingly enabling for a very long time and i found out about it later when my dad tried to contact me eight months later um but i don't think it was to talk to me because he cared i think it's probably just to slide back in to the dms and figure out a way that maybe he could get more money later i don't want to think that it sucks to have to think that dude it really does because when he started telling me what the deal was and drug problems but not him it was just the rest of my family and i found out other things like my mom was taking my dead grandfather's pain pills and my sister went to jail for a bit and then ran away from rehab and my dad only talking to me to ask me for money um you know just normal drug addict family stuff i guess but this isn't about all of that stuff i don't have any more i guess drama like that to talk about everything's been no contact for a year since that video pretty much until he called me and the only reason that number came through was because it was a very rarely unused number that i i think that they canceled because the phone bill was too much or i refused to pay it or something but that everything else was blocked and we've been no contact for a year and let me get this out of the way here not a single person in my family has ever apologized to me not one person even when my dad called me eight months later the first words out of his mouth were how you doing boy obviously i should have just hung up the phone right there right but i didn't because it's your dad i imagine that my family thinks that i'm the bad guy for exposing them and putting them on the internet for everyone to see when my cousin reached out and he said josh what can we do to make this stop and i thought i wanted to think so badly he was talking about the inner emotional pain that i was having dealing with all of this but it wasn't it was just to get me to stop talking about it publicly because that looks bad you don't want to expose the family secrets my grandfather specifically has never apologized to me and he's the one that kind of kicked this all off he could have said something like you know that's really unfortunate we're not going to pay his rent either he could have said any number of things i've had so much time to think about how this could have went so many different ways and i've never i've never been disrespectful to my to my elders to my grandparents i mean there was a time when i was like 17 when i didn't want to go to church and i guess i mean that is that disrespectful but i've never i've never talked to them that the way they talk to me that day i don't know it just could have it could have gone so many different ways he could have just said okay he could have just not responded and he didn't have to say i hope you can live the rest of your life without your family and so here we are a year later and i'm living the rest of my life without them oh and by the way for all the people who say don't talk about this publicly um you know to be honest i didn't talk about it publicly for a very very very long time i kept it all to myself i i i dealt with uh the cops surrounding my house when my sister stole the car and got into a hit and run and it was registered to me all these things that happened that i just never talked about i suffered in silence because why would you ever want to talk about that publicly why would you want to ask for help in a situation like that and who can you go to ask for help the only thing you can do is just keep dealing with it and i thought i could help i thought i could turn their life around i thought i could fix them my whole original plan was to help my dad make a youtube channel so that people would respect his skills since his jobs didn't really respect his skills or that you know he could do something like like mythbusters and build cool gadgets and it was going to be so cool and i was hoping that i could you know maybe get him some tool sponsorships eventually because when he moved or when he when he became homeless basically he had to sell all of his tools and i know those were like his pride and joy and like i had this whole i guess it was a dream it was like a plan to get my dad back on his feet and doing something that he loved and that he could get paid for it didn't work out like that at all and it's something that i'm super passionate about is helping other people do youtube to figure out a way to maybe if they're if they're into that if they're into making content where you can somehow make a living doing things that you enjoy that there's not a job for out there willing to pay you and i thought i could share that with him and we could have this father son thing and like i just didn't it didn't work out like that when this initially happened in may a lot of people said you know it gets easier josh it gets easier from here on out you just got to cut them off and focus on your own life and and to be honest it hasn't really gotten easier really i've just become more numb i think that's how messed up that probably makes me sound like i'm an emotional wreck that's where i'm at i still think about them all the time you know a lot of people are saying you know in the comments time to cut ties with your family family is overrated parents are overrated or they'll leave a comment be a keyboard warrior and say something like i would have done xyz if they did that to me and it's like yeah me too if i was a guy in the comments section it's easy to type all this stuff out when you're not the one that has 30 years of memories and growing pains and nostalgia with these people for me over this past year the hardest moments are when you want to share things with your family like you did when you were a kid when you were in kindergarten and you made those little noodles on construction paper in the shape of a smiley face or something and you brought it home and you want to share it with it like there's still things like that that i feel that i just want to share with them and i can't really or you know i want to share things that i think are funny or things that i would ask for help with things that i would ask for advice with like for example the other day i was tinkering on i have i have this old 1975 honda 350 xl it's an old uh what's what's the word it's a clanker it just kind of lugs along but it's really fun for doing hills and stuff and anyways i was trying to tune the carburetor a little bit and i'm not very mechanically inclined even though i have a mechanical engineering degree i don't really know much about mechanics you know my dad was the master at this stuff growing up he would always fix any any engine that was broken or had problems he'd find a way to make it work and sometimes with if there's stuff like that in life i just want to call him up and be like hey man got a question can you help me but i can't i mean i guess i could call him but what would be the point so he could ask me for more money in some way ironically when i was a kid i had no interest in mechanics building stuff making things and because of that my dad basically had no interest in me as a kid but here i am 30 years old tinkering on a 40 year old honda motorcycle fixing my own vehicles building things myself figuring out life myself and part of me thinks my dad would be proud my mom would be proud my family would be proud of me and then another part of me thinks why does it matter if they are or they aren't i should be proud of myself right it sounds easy to just like well let it go you know just just focus on yourself and i don't know i think it's ingrained into you growing up that you want your parents to be happy for what you did or what you've become or what you've accomplished and i was i was too and that's why i wanted to give back to them so much i wanted to that's why that's why i paid the rent that's why i bought them cars that's that's why i did everything i did and and sometimes i'll have these moments where i'm just i just wish me and my dad could just ride motorcycles down dirt trails together and go explore the wild west and go adventure into some old gold mines and i don't know just stupid dreams i guess put my mom in one of my paraglider harnesses and a big old wing and just kind of let her float down some sand dunes or something you know things that i know that they would enjoy there are things that i just get excited about in life that i want to share with them like most of us do right what i remember in my head the good times isn't what reality actually is anymore and making that constant disconnect between the fond memories i have and the reality of how life is now between us and them between me and them me and the family or whatever like it's really hard there's this constant i'll just be talking about something like oh my mom used to do that oh my dad used to do that and like they're still around like we're still connected like it's this weird and then i realized like drugs do bad things to people there are certain things that are special to me things i did as a kid memories that i hold really dear close to me and it's most likely that i will never get to do these things with them again and even if i could do the things with them again it would never be the same not after knowing that your own parents can look you in the eyes and say we love you we're proud of you and then steal from you at the same time and so like that doesn't go away like time doesn't time heals all wounds that doesn't you don't forget that sort of stuff um and so even if we could do the things that i enjoyed doing with them when i was a kid and when i was young and we had good times and it wasn't always like this if we did it now it would still never be the same i don't know how to explain it but it's like they're the only positive memories i have of my family and i guess this inner child in me wants to relive and reconnect with those memories in some weird way and so here we are a year later and that's why i've been gone for what nine days ten days now um and that's what i kind of decided to do i took some time off and i wanted to go check some of my bucket list items off uh like for example as a kid it felt like we were always around water in some way whether that was the beach or the lake or this place in georgia called sun valley beach that seemed so big when i was a kid and then i went back and visited it once and it was like this tiny little pool but i can think back and clearly remember that if it was hot outside there was some form of water like we were swimming and if we weren't swimming we were running through a sprinkler and if we weren't doing that we were making our own slip and slides on old tarp somewhere that probably had some hold on it if we were at the beach we were flying some kites we were bodyboarding on the waves or snorkeling if we were at the lake we were grilling tubing behind the boat you know it wasn't always like this like my family we weren't rich but we would definitely it wasn't poverty it was like middle class lower middle class like he had a boat and a house for 20 plus years like a job for 20 plus years and seemed to do okay like i just think back in like it wasn't what happened it wasn't always like this so something that i've always wanted to do since i've got my dogs is to take my dogs to the beach since my dogs are basically like my kids i'm not having kids i don't want kids hrla doesn't want kids but that's what my parents did for me and i i wanted to do that for my dogs to kind of i don't know reconnect with that it's not the same you know but like that's what i've wanted to do since day one i've always wanted to take my dogs to the ocean and and let them run around so i drove 650 miles to the oregon coast to let my dogs run around and play in the waves so that's what my parents did for me this probably sounds like i have so many emotional issues so many childhood issues and stuff um and even though this trip to oregon was a giant string of troubles we still did it and when i took my dogs to the beach and let them play around in the ocean it meant the whole world to me when i was 18 or 19 my dad and i started to share interest we never really got along growing up never really talked to each other but when i got older we started to share the same interest of of rc planes rc helicopters he liked that stuff that stuff's okay i definitely like drones and stuff but that was like his thing and for me i was always into the more extreme stuff like actually being a pilot of a plane or speed flying down a mountain or our you know paramotor paragliding and i showed him a few videos of speed flying i remember i was like 19 and i said we're gonna do that one day dad he's like yeah okay okay and just last year before all this happened he got strapped into the paraglider harness and floated down the hill for a little bit and that that also meant like the whole world to me and then right after we finished that he asked me for money that was neat when i'm excited about something i just want to share it with other people that's how i am food hobbies movies business i just want everyone to be able to to do it i'm a pretty quiet person in social interactions i don't say much unless there's something of mutual interest like i'm not just going to talk to you about something i'm not interested in that's just not me i'm not even going to pretend i'd rather just say nothing and do my own thing but if there is an opportunity or some semblance that there might be an interest of something that i'm interested in then i'm like someone who does crossfit or i'm like a vegetarian right like if given the opportunity and you never really asked me about it but i overhear something that i think is of shared interest i'm gonna walk over and i'm gonna explain why it's awesome and why you should do it right now and that's why i have four motorcycles so everyone can ride like hr lady rides hr ladies daz rides i ride other someone else can ride i just like to share my interests with other people if you haven't noticed yet by watching this channel web development and what new framework just came out aren't one of the things that excites me they're just the things that got me paid and to be honest but a lot of people think that i'm like depressed and while i don't get very animated i will agree i do not i'm not a very animated charismatic person i'm just kind of mellow laid back i'm definitely not depressed i am happy and i do get excited and a lot of people don't believe it so here's some footage of me being in my element just enjoying life no it will not jump [Music] oh [Music] so here we are a year later 1300 miles just to check some silly bucket list items off because i have some mommy and daddy issues and i think i'm doing okay but not a day goes by that i don't think about my parents like i wonder what they're doing i wonder how they're doing i hope that they aren't homeless i'd be lying if i said everything is good and fine i never think about my family or my parents and the court is cut and every day is great because that's just not true there are certain things in life that that trigger me and remind me of them some more than others and i'll be taken back somewhere to a memory uh good or bad good and bad or when i see something i'll say to hr lady like yeah my mom used to like that or we used to do that and then i realized it's not like that and it's jarring and it happens every day and that's what it's really like i've said this before another video it feels weird feels really weird that nothing is going wrong and i'm always expecting something to go wrong but life is definitely better it's definitely been easier and the last year has definitely been an overall increase it's definitely been a come up you might say i've been watching a lot of soft white underbelly on youtube i don't know go google it it's about this dude he just interviews people about their life and their stories and it's given me some perspective i guess on drug addicts i've read some narc anon stuff but it's still really difficult for me to have sympathy for my family like i get that it sucks for them but it also really tore me up too and i tried to help i would have helped if they had been honest and like oh we got we got a drug problem right like but people have to want to change so if we're being honest it's hard for me to have sympathy i just wish it didn't have to be this way but what it's sort of given me is like a little bit of hope i guess although i'm not going to be a part of the process of helping them anymore definitely not giving them a single dollar ever again i honestly i mean maybe one day things will be different but no matter the outcome on their end my life is at least going in a better direction but i still hope one day they can get it together and i don't know live a good life i guess part of me cares so much about them and another part of me doesn't at all the amount of time between feeling really sad about them and really indifferent about them increases over time i just wish i could share some stuff with them ask my grandparents yeah i do not know like the one grandma before my grandfather died like she's widow she's probably okay i'd probably talk to her again the other two no no way no no i i just hear like let me address you personally uh granddad why wouldn't you apologize to me are you so are you so set in stone that you've done nothing wrong to me to tell your grandson off and still after a year not say sorry like what what is your problem it amazes me that you think that you're right i guess because you would have apologized in some form if you had truly cared or felt like you had done any wrong but i guess you don't i guess neither of you do i guess none of you do because no one has reached out never said hey sorry or hey your grandfather says he's sorry or anything like what is what the is wrong with you people like for real it's like i just know if i was a parent and i had a son who didn't want to talk to me after i stole from him and lied to him and did a bunch of other bad things or a grandson i would do anything i can to be in that person's life again i would do anything if i was a dad and my son said never talk to me again i'd still try and talk to my son i'd still try and talk to my grandson i'd do everything i possibly could to try and come in contact and make things right but you guys haven't you haven't at all it's not hard to find an email it's not hard to find a facebook message it's not hard to make a another fake account or another account and just message me it's not hard to get in contact with me almost at all i'm a public figure on the internet you could easily contact me if you wanted to but you haven't and that says a lot about you honestly no uncles no ants no cousins none of you have have reached out to me what the is wrong with you for real it's been a it's been over a year like legit i have one cousin that i talked to and it was the one cousin that i mentioned in the very very first video that i said that we'll still probably be cool after this and we are and i was right so everything i thought about you guys was confirmed true by the way this is just my dad's side directly i just want to let you know the mom's side of the family you guys are fine you guys are fine you guys are all chill dad's side y'all done messed up but that's what you get when you send me to church camp you know what i'm saying you guys can't imagine how many times i've gone over the conversation i've had i would have with that with that side of the family like if i ever had to talk to them again boy but you know that doesn't do anything for me but just take away from my time that i could be using to do things that i enjoy with people that i enjoy being with now and you know that's another thing that i'd like to share like i really wish my mom could meet hr lady or hr ladies mom or hr lady's dad because i feel like hr ladies dad and my dad have mutual interest they wouldn't get along i don't think but like things like that you just want them to meet you know and you want everything to work but that's just not how life is anyways since i haven't had a lot of drama to post about i've just been kind of doing other things to be honest i don't know if youtube has like shadow banned my channel or something because it kind of seems that way like my subs have dropped ad revenue has dropped everything has dropped but you know it's kind of an ebb and a flow of youtube but it seems like exceptional this time i don't know is it me i mean maybe it's me maybe maybe it is me i'm open to being you know josh stop being negative and let's start posting only positive videos could be having said that um if you want to go see me in my element go subscribe to the joshua irl channel and you can see just how the oregon trip went and how everything went wrong because it's hilarious because because it's hilarious if you enjoy these rants if you enjoy these life perspectives do me a favor click like click subscribe if you want to see more of this stuff and i hope you guys are doing well and maybe this helps you guys that have gone through something similar maybe you can relate to my feelings or flip-flopping of emotions who knows but um that's it for this one see ya you

Channel: Joshua Fluke

Views: 46,616

Rating: 4.9397922 out of 5

Keywords: joshua fluke, code bootcamp, javascript, how to code, web development, brand, developer interview, developer jobs, corporate cringe, divorce, story i dont talk about, entrepreneurship, digital brand, my family disowned me, my family disowned me yesterday, disowned by my family, disowned, narcissism in relationships, narcissism explained, narcissism survivor, narcissism social media, Narcissism and its discontents, disowned by family

Id: sikWkJLP7Ec

Length: 24min 33sec (1473 seconds)

Published: Mon May 10 2021