my family disowned me...EVEN MORE LIES! | #grindreel

i just happened to look at my incoming and outgoing phone calls the other day to make a phone call to someone else and i noticed that my dad called me three more times and uh i don't know really how else to describe how it feels it's like someone tells you like your dog died and your stomach sinks that's how it feels every time i see anything to do with my family i've read a lot of the comments that you guys have left a lot of people saying read this book read that book watch this youtube channel and i have actually i've been listening to a lot of books and i guess i've been trying to do some healing some people said that i i probably have c ptsd which is complex ptsd which is when a bunch of little things add up over time like emotional manipulation i i don't want to say that i i don't have it but me feeling like i say that i have any form of ptsd um i i guess it feels like an insult to people who really have terrible versions of it because i guess i feel okay there are some moments i'll be going throughout my day just doing whatever standing in the kitchen making food get a drink and uh i think i'll be literally teleported to a time and a place with my parents for two or three seconds at a time and it's like i don't know how to describe it makes me sound like i'm insane but like i was flipping through the tv channels trying to find something to watch i came to the the old west cowboy movie channel and i was instantly deported into my dad's room as a kid and uh i just saw my dad laying on his bed chain smoking cigarettes watching old western movies i'd be like hey dad can you help me do this and he'd be like gosh get out of the way i can't see the tv it sounds so it's so weird and so random and like i don't i don't really recall these things happening a year ago i don't know what you call that but it's pretty disarming i guess when you're just going about life and suddenly you get this rush of emotions about your family like i hate them oh my god i never want to see them again and then just like three four seconds later like ah this really sucks [ __ ] and it's like in waves it comes and goes and waves uh periods of time where i'm like i'm good dude it's all good and then like brief few minutes when i'm like a little bit anger a little bit sadness and then i'm back to normal and i just hope over time those spaces get wider and wider in those moments those intense moments or whatever get shorter and shorter so thank you for all the support that wasn't even how i was going to start this video but that's honestly where i've been the last few days someone pointed out in my last video when i was showing a text from my dad that my dad was uh making a joke about oh you think i'm so full of crap and uh if i wasn't you'd be right because my dad was constantly making jokes about being constipated there was like a month period where my dad said he was so constipated that he couldn't come over and it's like okay what does this have to do with anything josh well they pointed out opioid induced constipation which would mean it's from drugs it's from heroin and then from there things just started to add up i started to go through some more pictures some more text messages and things just started clicking like i've never seen them click before and the amount of betrayal that i didn't even think could happen further happened further i saw i'm just gonna i'm just gonna share it with you guys so you guys can see what drugs does to families dude i tried to wait two days so i could be more calm and collected this time so hold on as i said just a second ago my dad didn't want to come over and work for like an entire month because he said he was having constipation issues from prostate problems if you have a enlarged prostate you can't go to the bathroom i guess and that was what he was telling me but thinking about it now opioid induced constipation was most likely the cause about a year ago i made this video called my dad is on a breathing machine and i'm struggling to focus and throughout this video you can see how clueless i am to ever thinking my parents were doing drugs and i was just genuinely worried about their well-being and i just kept giving them money and i was doing what i needed to do and i felt i felt selfish for even wanting my time in this video i said my dad went to the hospital and he was put on a breathing machine because his blood oxygen levels were at around 72 percent and my dad said it was because he had coronavirus and he couldn't breathe well thinking this through talking to hr ladies dad hr ladies my girlfriend for people who are new to this it's because she's an hr lady i don't want to give her name her dad is a firefighter paramedic works with uh homeless people people on the street and i started talking about this with him and uh he said are you sure he wasn't about to od josh and i said that never actually crossed my mind thinking about this further it is probably most likely that in this video where my i think my dad has coronavirus my dad is was this close to odin on heroin and that was the real reason he was sent to the hospital the reason i say that is because i have this text message from march 9th 2020 where i'm messaging my mom asking my mom to please help me help my dad help your husband and my mom said i knew he was in rough shape last night and this morning it could just be the flu bug you shouldn't be around him until this has passed hope things are good with you joshua take care love you and i kept i kept begging to my mom here can you send him money or something you know whatever i'm completely under the impression that my mom isn't even in the state of utah with me she is in georgia helping her mother after her dad died but now that i know that my mom actually came back after her dad died my mom is here in utah with me and this is what i think happened i think my mom my dad and my sister were all in the apartment doing heroin my dad probably passed out the rest of them realized that my dad was passed out and not breathing and unresponsive and they called 911 to send my dad to the hospital or the er whatever and my mom said you shouldn't be around him until this has passed because i wanted to come see him because my mom is there in the apartment and if i would have gone to see my dad at the apartment and helped take care of him i would have seen them all in there and that's very man that was an internalization that i never thought i'd have to come to that's just one of many things that i've discovered you know when i first thought about that this this this wave of anger came over me and i feel like a [ __ ] terrible person for saying it but like i was almost like you know what dad thinking inside i was like you know what maybe it would have been better if you just [ __ ] oh deed and and that's what i mean when i when i say like these there's these moments where i'm good then there are these moments where it's like it peaks and i get really mad you know i just want to gut punch him if i ever saw him again and then i don't and like my dad also said that meth was one of the drugs that was involved in this and uh i started asking hr ladies dad about uh symptoms of that what does that look like and he's like well did he have bad teeth and i said well yeah yeah he lost a bunch of his teeth he lost he had dentures but then i was going through my text messages and i found an email talking about how my dad had to get a tooth cut out yeah he smoked cigarettes but when the dentist gave him dentures he cut out all the bad teeth so again i'm kind of forced to think that my dad was doing a bunch of meth and had to have one of his teeth cut out because that rapidly decays your teeth and that was kind of an eye opener i think back to when my dad was around at my house and he was kind of jittery just kind of couldn't sit still when my dad came to a couple of my flight lessons uh hr lady actually reminded me of this he came to a couple of my flight lessons and he was humming to himself humming and humming and just singing and being weird and fidgety he would he would sit in the back of the plane be like hmm really really weird noises you know and just kind of when he would come over to film a video and i'd be like dad sit down we have to film this video like i just need to walk around i just need to get up i just gotta walk around i just gotta let me just give me a minute it was just like he would always say that he doesn't feel good or that he has a headache or there's some chronic pain but again thinking about it now i'm thinking back to that was most like most likely meth in this video i mentioned that my dad told me he had a spider bite and i again i would they'd love to show you that picture but i showed it to hr lady's dad who's seen the most gruesome stuff and when he saw it he was like oh basically he had a spider bite that was necrotic and was eating away at his arm but it was eating away at his arm i guess around right in this area and if you you're thinking well could be drugs well it's right on his arm area was it a bad was it a bad stick probably hr lady's dad was explaining to me that if you shoot that stuff into your arm but you miss the vein it will destroy and decay the tissue around that's kind of what it looked like there was this one time my dad was at my house kind of like dozing off in the chair um he was supposed to come over filming the video but he didn't feel like doing anything so he just sat on my couch and he kept just kind of dozing off and i didn't really think too much of it just again i thought he was tired and stressed but most likely it was because he was high and i was just goofing around with them and i took a picture up close of my dad's face because i wanted to put the bald filter from the face app on him so i could show him how much he looks just like his dad and um i didn't think anything of it i just took the picture i was like look you look just like your dad it's insane and he was like well that's really that's crazy get get that away from me just kind of out of it but again why would i ever think my dad was high in front of me i guess he thought i was a sucker he thought i would never figure it out he thought i would never question anything like that about him um but but i found that picture and i showed it to hr lady's dad and i said look at him he looks kind of out of it doesn't he and he went wow actually zoom in look at his pupils his pupils are pinpoints tiny little pinpoints and it's not bright in my room at all it was when the sun was going down in my living room and it was actually pretty dark in there i didn't i didn't take the picture with a flash or anything his pupils were actually tiny tiny little pinpoints and that comes from taking drugs like heroin when you take things like stimulants i guess like cocaine and stuff it does the opposite and it expands your pupils but that prompted me to go back through all of my pictures that i have where you can see my dad's eyes and i would say good i only have maybe five or six of them that are that clear but i would say five out of six of them my dad his pin points are this big and um most the time my dad came over he was actually already high and that was really something that was really something i don't know what my dad thinks about me but he must think i'm a pretty big [ __ ] loser to think he can just come over like that and i won't even question it because i love him loved him some other things i noticed about my dad when he would come over is that he would be super covered up in cologne now i don't particularly know if any of those substances have any strong smell i mean i know what what weed smells like but i don't know what the other stuff really smells like but i know whenever he'd come over he'd be like exceptionally covered up in cologne um again why would i think anything else other than he's just trying to smell good when i was a kid he did that and i didn't i don't think he was on drugs then there are a few times my dad came over and he would be falling asleep on the couch again just dozing off nodding in and out and i would look at his lips and i'd look at his fingertips and they would be blue i never really thought anything about that i just thought he didn't have very good blood flow again i never thought he would be high i found a lot of text messages just going back where my dad talks about being sick from food poisoning or whatever it was massive headache lots and lots and lots of times where he was sick and this man had never been sick before in my life as a kid growing up when he had to go to work and when i look at this text message now it just screams that it's dope sick it's all dope sick he he tries to gaslight me because he messaged me out of out of nowhere he goes so you know i'm finally trying to get better if you'd call me you might know been back and forth to the dock with severe food poisoning e coli salmonella poison had to have the neighbor take me to the dock couldn't drive almost got admitted but told them couldn't afford bills and had no insurance you want to know why you don't let yourself get admitted it's because they start running tests they start running lots of tests and they would have found it in a system even when my dad went to the hospital for low blood oxygen concentration he did not get admitted he just went to the er and then left i said you could have texted me all week sure dude he said and you you can check on your dad can't you i said i did yesterday five times he says you texted three times was at the doctor don't like being yelled at for being sick i didn't know he was sick he just wasn't coming over or responding to me other than when he wanted money i certainly didn't plan on bad effing food i swear someone has put a curse on me yeah you did on yourself by taking drugs i don't hardly talk to anyone most don't get my way of thinking of things but that's fine always been that way for me anyhow not easy to find anyone on the safe wavelength is me always said i was from space somewhere like he just starts up [ __ ] cry me a river dude cry me a river like you didn't you can't just come in and be like you didn't check on me and then i'm like i did check on you and he's like yeah you did check on me but you could you could have done better like crimean river dude world's smallest violin just for you this is this is an example of gaslighting lying about being dope sick and then playing the victim all in one here's an example where my dad texts me out of nowhere and asked me for money and said i still want to make it work i had a few ideas doesn't that count as work i said you get a free house a free car and free food just imagine yourself as me for a minute i'm 30 years old i put my entire life on hold to try and make this thing between us work you're not sick you're not handicapped so what is it like what's the problem you have everything provided for you i'm not mad i'm just talking to you and then he would instantly drop down into victim mode and talk about how he wishes it would it would just be better if he was dead just sounds like my folks and you and others would be better off with me not around and i was literally just trying to understand what my dad was going through and why he couldn't come over said stop help me understand your underlying problems by now you know i'm interested in trying to make this thing work because i've given you money even though i know that you've lied to me a few times and i keep trying to help you because i want this to work i said but why don't you want to do anything it goes on to this text where it says that's what the project idea was and he didn't even tell me what the project idea was he was talking about i said ideas are not money ideas aren't work ideas are nothing unless you work unless you execute he said okay and then i assume he blasted off to outer space got high because it just went incoherent the tsltnx like i can't read that question mark question mark question mark uh i guess i don't i don't really know i don't really remember the context but i'm pretty sure he asked me for money i think this means store he said just never mind can't do anything i think that's what that means i have no idea what this one means this is one you already saw but it says i said i'm sick very sick hospital's sick yeah it's called dope sick like i've always said there would just be weeks of time where my dad would not talk to me until he needed money but he'd always start with the gas lighting he said are you just blowing me off now you know i'm sorry for not being able to come over i've never had as much bad food as i've had being here in utah i guess getting good seafood in a landlocked state affects what you would be able to get more than i thought it would or maybe my smith store isn't very good and so when i was talking to hr ladies dad about this stuff drug addicts have basically they over explain everything they got to make it sound real believable real good and for the most part i think he i mean he definitely did a good job of doing that to me teeth's got to come out oh you were smoking okay yeah i mean i guess that kind of kind of makes sense it's always like that kind of makes sense but with one eyebrow raise but it's your dad right so you just give him the money here i said i have to work so i can pay you don't you remember yeah i know don't have to rub it in anymore that's what i'm looking into told ya that way you won't have to have me fuss with you anymore was kind of hard to look this week with an iv hose stuck in my butt i don't know what he's talking about couldn't travel real far this week you think i enjoy begging and groveling every week and guilty be uh he says well i've got to try and get some rest now haven't slept very i assume he means food or good haven't slept very good or much spent most time on head and toilet been fun that's not true at all dad i can see right through this the reason why you haven't slept is because you're doing probably math and that keeps you up uh and so obviously i just ignore and then the next morning he goes can you please put some money in my account please i've got a recheck with the doc in about an hour or so please we all know it's not a recheck with the doc that's straight up drug money here's the text message where my dad again asked me for money and makes up a lie to justify why he needs it well look your mom's money didn't make it today and the doc called in my refill for pills i take those with the o2 and stuff i'll make it up but can you do 50 in my account i need to go get them as soon as i can i'm still going to make all this up yeah you definitely making all this up that's for sure need to know about what i said about rent anyways yeah he was asking me for rent extra and for some reason his rent kept going up every month i don't i don't know why i didn't find that suspect but here's the thing i have never seen a receipt for any medical bill or doctor that my dad has ever gone to i've never seen a prescription that my dad has ever asked for um in fact i said you know what dad tell me the doctor that you go to for all these things and i will give him my card number that way when you need to go he can just charge my card number and you don't have to worry about getting money from me and he would never give it to me he'd just start he'd start getting all upset about it he'd be like well just i need the cash i got to go to the store too you know it's just a lot easier if you just give me the cash and you know what's funny i said it i i said it here and i wasn't even serious i said bro are you doing heroin or something what the [ __ ] you're not gonna make it up to me you never have right here and that me just being mean i thought i was being mean by calling him a drug addict here i would have never thought that i was right he said yeah i am all of it he's talking about making up the money to me he says it's part of the steroids for my lungs lets the other stuff work again over explaining it's just lies i said if i give you 50 and you ask me for another dime before friday i'm going to repo my car back and cut you off entirely it's not my fault that my mom messed up and to be honest i'm not even sure if i believe you you could have gotten it and blew it on something else and here's another thing he said my mom's money didn't make it today well you want to know why my mom didn't send him any money because my mom's living with him and again he's capitalizing on the fact that i thought my mother was in georgia and he was saying that my mom was sending money from georgia to utah to help support him but it didn't make it it's because she never sent it because she was next to your side and you both needed [ __ ] dope money you can see here i've threatened him many times of you know this is the last time i give you money this is the last time if you ask me one more time i'm gonna take the car and cut you off whatever right i've said this hundreds of times sam probably here and it was really difficult for me to do it um but here's some more evidence of that he says i know please maybe a pine box would have been a better option for me he just instantly starts talking about maybe it'd just be better if i was dead i wouldn't have all this you know [ __ ] just massively guilt-tripping me you know i've never really said anything bad i've said fu to my grandparents i've said it to my mom but i've never said it to my dad so dad watch this video are you ready go [ __ ] yourself you think that i'm a loser you think that i'm so out of touch that you could walk into my house high as a [ __ ] kite and i won't notice and and and not only that you can continue to ask for money for more and lie about it for me and my audience when i tried to help you make your own audience i i know what you think of me now you think i'm just a youtube loser it just makes money so i can give it to you go [ __ ] yourself you're not my dad anymore you guys want to disown me i'm disowning you you'll be alone you'll go down this cycle for the rest of [ __ ] i don't see that's what i mean it just comes in waves of anger but i'm not gonna just just know that this is not it's not a thing you're not my dad i'd say i'm almost ashamed to share last names with you and his family but because of what the last name means i'd say that i am in fact the definition of a fluke because of everything that has happened i have come out on top and i think i'm a pretty honorable person i think i'm a good kid i think i'm a good man and in fact i do this last name justice you make all the jokes about it you want but i think i'm the best person in this [ __ ] family when i was going through my screenshots and messages i came across this one and i had totally thought i had deleted this one this is the one that kicked it all off this is the og message from my grandpa from my dad's dad saying hope you can go through the rest of your life without any family and i've yet to hear an apology for anyone from saying this again it used to it used to make me upset but now this [ __ ] motivates me this makes me realize how much better of a person i am than the rest of my family because i would never disown my dad not until right now throughout all of the things that he's done to me maxing out credit cards taking out loans in my name stealing pawning personal items that i had given him i i you know i didn't i never not not once that ever threatened to disown him and say have a nice life with out your family you know and then i just i don't i say i don't want to pay rent and not that you have to but i just don't want to um just letting you know i say that and you're like have a nice life without the rest of your family because i don't want to pay your son's rent dude like i'm not a father but i damn sure i'm a better father than you that's for sure i'm a better father i'm a better son i'm just generally a better person than you normally i don't say these things because i don't want to seem like i'm all in my head about it but i've been reading a lot of books like i said in the beginning of the video about narcissistic behavior specifically there was a book about narcissistic fathers and i can pinpoint where all of this sort of behavior started and it started with this guy my dad's dad and it trickled down to my dad and it trickled down to me maybe i'll explain all this in another video about how i've recognized narcissistic behavior and how this has it was like someone wrote a book about my family without ever knowing we existed it's crazy and maybe i can share some of that what i'm going through some realizations and you know i think uh whenever i feel that oh crap this sucks i just remind myself of narcissistic behavior patterns and um it's okay to let these people go you know just thinking about it right now with meth my mom did have some of her teeth kind of fall out too so as you can see this is how drugs destroy families this is how they creep in this is how they manipulate and lie and steal and change people into totally different animals i don't want to say humans i just because it's so animalistic but um i guess it sounds so i never thought i would ever say this but if you or your family or your friends know anyone that is struggling with addiction i'll put the number on the screen i wish i had called it but i didn't know thanks for the support thanks for watching that's all i got

Channel: Joshua Fluke

Views: 107,444

Rating: 4.9220271 out of 5

Keywords: joshua fluke, code bootcamp, javascript, how to code, web development, brand, developer interview, developer jobs, corporate cringe, divorce, story i dont talk about, entrepreneurship, digital brand, disowned, family disowned me

Id: 5KuzOxr11OY

Length: 27min 36sec (1656 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 27 2021