My dad is blaming me for breaking our family apart because I ignore my sister in law

[Music] my sister-in-law 29 years old was great at the start of her relationship with my brother she was nice to me 25 female my family and we all got along as soon as my brother proposed to her it's like she got what she wanted and her true self came to light she started telling little white lies but we my parents other siblings and i brush them off because we just want my brother to be happy now here's the thing they've been married for three years now and she's only gotten worse she goes around and accuses me of saying things that i never said and then when someone asks me why i said something so mean i get very frustrated and say it's not true and i promise i'm the first to admit when i do or say something wrong guilt eats me alive and i'd rather own up to my mistakes one time my brother told me that she was crying over something i said and after calling me a liar for telling him i hadn't even talked to her that day i had the flu was sleeping all day hadn't talked to anyone he said okay well she feels like you would say something like that that in itself is a huge issue i have a big problem with someone who feels something and puts words into someone else's mouth because of their feelings i mean really she also has major control issues she has a few allergies and expects everyone to base their meals off her allergies because she thinks she will get sick if she smells the ingredient we know her allergies are not severe and have confirmed this because of her allergies she has not exposed her baby one-year-old son to any of her allergies telling us that he is allergic as well even when he hasn't been tested or exposed enough to tell she specifically requested my side of the family that not to speak with her son in the second language we speak because she doesn't him to know a second language she'll feel left out so disappointing that my nephew could be bilingual and she is taking that away from him lastly i have been a nanny for over 10 years i got paid to drive babies kids a bunch of kids around and i have a 100 clean driving record i drive like an old lady with kids in the car because i understand the precious lives that are with me when i started voluntarily taking care of my nephew to help out her and my brother during these times i was told i can only feed him the food she provides fine cannot take him out unless it's for a walk what cannot post pics of him she thinks he will be kidnapped okay and here's the kicker i'm not allowed to drive him they have to either pick him up or drop him off or someone else in my family has to do so meaning even if i want to take him somewhere with me i cannot she doesn't trust my driving meanwhile she has been in more accidents than i can count and her family is an absolute mess of drivers her siblings got into accidents the first week they got their licenses and yet i can't drive him around she simply wants to control me in every sense my father talked to me the other day and told me that my brother had expressed frustration at the lack of communication i have with her yes i don't reach out because we do not get along she has yelled at me multiple times she has never apologized and here i'm being blamed for our relationship she tells my brother that she feels left out yes she is because i do not want to hang out with her she makes me feel terrible anytime we talk and she has the worst manners it's a shock when we hear her say please or thank you and like i said she will never admit her mistakes or apologize now my dad is saying that i'm a big part of the reason my family may fall apart and be distanced from my brother but i don't feel like it's my fault and i don't feel it's my responsibility to reach out to someone who only hurts me if she had tried to reach out to me that would be a different story but she hasn't i want my brother to be happy and he says he's happy with her so i don't want to break apart the family but i'm stuck because i can't just fake being friends with her it's taking a toll on my mental health and it's exhausting whenever there's drama with my friend group i cut out whoever is toxic in this case i can't i don't know what to do my dad is a great guy love him to death and i usually agree with him as he's a big role model of mine but in this situation i can't agree with him i was taken advantage for my kindness growing up all the time and at a certain point i told myself i would never accept being close to someone who makes my life miserable and he wants me to do just that he wants me to suck it up fake it and do as she asks for the sake of my brother and our relationship with him and my nephew what do you suggest i do do i give in would family therapy be of any help but what if she lies there anyone have any suggestions i'm at a loss here anyway since i was around 14 minute mum has wanted me to get pregnant so she could raise the baby until it wasn't cute anymore her words even going so far as to encourage her cd druggie friends to hit on me aggressively it was after all my fault for developing breasts so early and for them being so big if only i wasn't so fat unfortunately for her and unbeknownst to me i was something called a demisexual meaning i had no desire to have s until i met my now husband at 16 and fell on love my mum was thrilled when i started seeing him thinking it was going to end in flames and hopefully a teen pregnancy i literally had to turn to her best friend d dealer to take me to go on the pill funnily enough i wanted the pill for my severe cramps more than anything else but there was a bigger problem i was dating a good man one who if i did get pregnant wouldn't leave me by myself hell we were even engaged after seven months when i was only 17 she couldn't have that she tried to convince me that i couldn't know if i really loved him without sleeping around first i was finally not fat so she could take me to clubs and pubs with her and she wouldn't tell my boyfriend if i wanted a little fun needless to say i told my partner what she had said and would always stay home with him when i moved out at 18 with my fiance she changed tactics she wouldn't raise my baby but i would be over at her house every day because i would need help when i pointed out that all the babies things would be at mine she would reply that her house was so much nicer and i could always leave the baby overnight all of this was coming on the heels of a miscarriage and she had gotten the previously mentioned friend and my entitled dad to join in about how i should just have a child now it would help me get over the unplanned miscarriage by the time i finished uni the child would be a toddler and easier to manage they even went so far as to say it would shut your mom up my fiance stepped in and practically spat that he would never give away his child especially not when i was the mother and they seemed to be forgetting about him my mum threatened to have him fired since he worked for my dad but my uncle dad's brother business partner put his foot down he hates my mum and my partner is a really good worker fast forward to 23 i have finished uni and finally got married after a six-year engagement instantly my parents pressure me to have kids my dad has discovered thanks to my older brother that he loves being a granddad and since he believes the children are more the woman's domain he wants his little girl to have one so that he can always see them mycellus admittedly entitled mum in case i got that wrong and dangles interacting with her kids over the family to get things but hey my dad has me and my mum has groomed me to be submissive and easy to push around perfect baby factory small problem though my husband is supportive af and somehow after years of being pushed around and bullied by any friends i ever made have made fantastic loyal friends to help open my eyes to my parents toxic behavior it even became a running dark joke that whenever we swapped stories about our families my friends would reply to mine with oh sass and look for a blanket to wrap me in because of this i was going to have kids on my own term of thought that had felt ridiculous at 14 but i was still being emotionally abused by my parents both now instead of one then a god sent in the form of near death came i was 24 and forced to face my own mortality health issues partly stemming from child abuse and then a horrible car accident led to me nearly dying multiple times in one year my doctor started demanding to see me at least every two weeks just to make sure i was alive my country has free health care so this was fine my husband was clearly panicking but trying to keep it together my friends will call me text me every day my sibling-in-laws who were all under the age of 20 and didn't have cars would just be in the neighborhood and feel like cleaning my house whilst i lay on my couch barely able to move and not really comprehending anything and my parents they were telling the rest of the family how i was making it all up for attention most believe them especially since they live too far away to see me and my parents had always said i lied so that no one believed me about the abuse they and my brother leveled on me two family members saw otherwise one of my uncles who i talked to regularly and could hear it in my voice how tired i was and one of my grandfathers who saw me and worked out i was sick he lived the whole year waiting for the news that his granddaughter was dead and he didn't know about how bad it actually got i had asked my parents to explain my health issues to my family since i didn't have the energy and i didn't care if they hid the abuse at this point he screamed at my dad the next year when he found out dad was meant to tell him about it on the plus i now knew how little my parents cared they even tried to convince me i was lying even after the doctor was the one to tell me how close to death i was that last bit of hope that part of them loved me died i became numb to them at first i lashed out a bit becoming angry and antagonistic but once i came to terms with how sickly i had been and that i was surrounded by those who loved and believed me even if they weren't blood i just stopped caring about most of my family i now knew which ones truly cared i got better made stronger ties to my grandfather and uncle and my husband and i started trying for a family we only told our friends though because i still remembered being 14 and ready to came myself if i somehow got pregnant obviously against my will i may have still had a few panic attacks and had to go to therapy about it i even got a job to get me out of the house and help with my recovery after a year of trying i was pregnant and only felt happiness but also trying to work out how to tell my parents whilst making it clear this wasn't a way to weasel back into my life told them through text after telling my friends in person my husband then talked to my dad without me knowing at the time explaining to him that we don't want them especially my mum and baby's life unless they behave and even then the damage was pretty bad dad still loving being a granddad and having seen how close i and his dad who he was estranged to were proceeded to actually control my mum to some extent she makes a comment he literally tells her to shut up he told her to stop stalking me at work he handles the phone calls they started making to me etc the kicker was when maternity leave was brought up and my mum started insisting i go back to work after three months at most and that she would babysit she even tried saying how she was going to make a nursery at her house for the baby to stay overnight i waited for the panic to set in and it didn't i just put my hand protectively on my belly dad told her to shut up if she wanted to see my child he even rolled his eyes when she said she clearly has references just look at her kids q my snort and something i had wanted to say since i was 14 years old and she tried to convince me to sleep with a 20 year old then you're never touching my child brother is a ray and i'm full of anxiety bang up ducking job you did there note i have no plans to let them see baby i just know they are too self-centered to come to my house and this is the way of least resistance for my own and my baby's safety all my friends sibling-in-laws family i talk to and darling husband have insured me that i no longer have to fight my mother to stop her from getting my baby i can sit back and they will protect us i'm due any day now and if the 14 year old girl who had honestly contemplated cutting into her own uterus with a knife to stop from having to force another life to suffer like her one that was probably going to be conceived through our knew how come i was right now she would probably be hysterically laughing and believing it a lie i'm in a very ldr with basically the girl of my dreams absolutely beautiful smart driven things have been great despite being a several hour plane ride away from each other she came to town and i was so pumped to introduce her to my friends they threw a party and while on the way girlfriend randomly asked are there any girls i should be worried about this is probably where i up but i explained that a girl i used to see will likely be there explained that we were supportive of each other during our respective divorces and we hadn't seen each other since well before i met girlfriend i was asked if we ever slept together i said yes because we had also important to say that we never told out mutual friends about arfling it wasn't a big deal everything started out great everyone was so welcoming to gf including x who was there with a new guy girlfriend gets drunk and made a comment about single moms dating being weird almost directly after x mentioned her children she randomly asked why she divorced ex-husband in front of everyone and then asked again in front of everyone where we had gone on dates i was honestly so surprised so was everyone else i apologize to x and her guy as they were leaving and she said no worries play 23 year old games win 23 year old prizes were all in our 30s and gf heard this and sobbed in the bathroom for the rest of the night she was so devastated that i didn't tell her that was out of line however i feel like nearly everything gf said to her was out of line we got into the biggest argument about how i didn't have the decency to stand up for her i told her honestly i should have stood up 4x when gf relentlessly tried to embarrass her and she can't be surprised at a little passive aggressiveness after the way she acted she's now back on a plane and we will discuss further once she clears her head am i the edit for clarification friends are all in our 30s girlfriend is 23 edit 2 update i've gotten a ton of requests for an update so here it is i admitted that i'm an for how i've gone about things and how uncomfortable she must have been i adore her but i'm not comfortable with the default response being i'm jealous i'm going to be rude to someone i don't know she is embarrassed and feels that those friends will always choose the other girl i tried to explain that they would never choose that they do love other girl in their wedding kid was a flower girl etc and that i can't do anything about that but i do know that every person there has embarrassed themselves drunk in front of each other every one of them and i definitely think she can recover but she doubled down on the jealousy a bit and the situation made us both realize that we glorify each other from a distance and that it's probably not going to develop past this for the record neither me or the other girl have feelings for each other that aren't strictly platonic yes i understand her comment was towards me plus her new guy is a great guy and really tried to make her and everyone else comfortable in an uncomfortable situation guess i should take a page out of his book [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 47,776

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, reddit sister, reddit pregnant, r/askredditt, reddit entitled parents, r/entitledparents, r/, r/girl, r/sister, r/pregnant, askreddit girl, askreddit, askreddit sister, askreddit pregnant, askreddit entitled parents

Id: y4rRhr_gqJo

Length: 17min 48sec (1068 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 05 2021