Little Things In Relationships We Ignore!

hey tony guys here i want to pop in with a little quick message now it was something my wife was talking about and something that we have kind of focused on in our relationship and i realized this what happens with so many relationships and why so many relationships fail now it's a scripture in the bible that says it's the little fox that spoils the vine and my dad would always use that and i don't really know the real true context of it but in another scripture a little bit of levin leaving the whole lump and you hear these things just talking about the little things that can turn into a big thing the little things that can spoil or ruin a big thing and that's really at the root the problem of with a lot of relationships so it's kind of like on on instagram i stopped answering dms you know i may look i'll look at a dm but i stopped answering dms on instagram because 90 of them are from women so the only dm's i answer are from men and yes it could be a hundred percent innocent but what if i answer a dm from a woman and my brand is getting bigger and it's other men who do what i do who are not married and they're doing it for money it's other men who do what i do and they marry and they get caught cheating on their wife they're cheating on their wife even if they're not getting called and it's all this stuff going on now i could become guilty by association so something as small as a dm somebody asking hey when is this sale gonna happen again i can't answer it you read my bio click on where it says email send in an email through a professional channel that email comes to me or my wife or an assistant and now which we are our own assistants and then you get a response that way but in that dm that's a private one-on-one interaction to where what if somebody got the wrong intentions and they take that dm and they say oh i'm talking to tony gaskins in the in the dm and we're going back and forth and then somebody say oh well you know what that could lead a lot of affairs start just innocent just talking at lunch or in the lunch line in the cafeteria that's where a lot of affairs start you know working on a project for work just business but then that conversation keep going you see what i mean so i had to think about that as i grew as as my brand grew as my wisdom grew and i told my wife i said listen don't respond to a man period i don't care if he's saying y'all look like a great family y'all nice because this man will go and say oh i'm talking to tony gaston wife in the dm and he won't shatter context he won't say that he responded to our anniversary picture and he won't say all that he'll just put that out there and let whoever in the barbershop run with it and see it's the little things like that it's the little things like when your partner the person you're dating when they say i'm gonna call you at 9 00 pm tonight and they don't call and you don't check them and read them from top to bottom without yelling cursing name calling screaming none of that but if you don't read them the next day about not keeping their word that little thing will eventually turn into him or her not coming home at night when y'all living together when you get into a disagreement and you call you get called stupid you know what that's what you believe you stupid you dumber than you look that's one thing about y'all dumb bees and it just was a little disagreement and you might be six months in and you just look at it like it just talk i'm not stupid don't call me stupid but but you don't really get all the way in and say listen let me tell you this don't you ever in your life call me anything other than my name or a child of god try me again and that's gonna be your last time ever talking to me see you got to get all the way in there and check that and my wife she'll check me with with silence you know she don't i already know if i did something wrong when i when we were dating when we got married silence or lee she don't call town hall meetings and let's talk about this or nothing like that and and once or twice she she said it verbally don't yell don't don't raise your voice at me the first time i tried to yell at we i think we would date oh we could have been married and um she checked me she stopped me right in my tracks i was like wow first time i came in like she stopped it right in my tracks so she'll take it do this and you know when she did that it let me know like wow okay she checked me for saying i'll be back by midnight and then coming in at 5 00 a.m when we were dating she checked me for us to have when we were having a disagreement i got ready to yell she checked me for getting ready to yell first time i spent the night and i wanted to make a move she checked me for making a move on and kick me out her bed but keep on trying to make a move and so as i look i realize every little thing every little thing that 99 of women would have let fly and they would have just looked at it oh that's just a man being a man or that's just normal or that's just a part of a relationship because of what they've gone through or because of what their mama went through what a sister went through they hunt he went through they just chalk it all up as that's normal and not look at it like forget what this person that person went through how do i want to be treated do i want my person that i'm with coming in in the middle of the night and waking me up and just i'm supposed to be cool with it do i want my person not coming in at all do i want my person yelling at me calling me out my name cursing at me do i want my person putting hands on me in any kind of way a pinch it'll start with a pinch that hurt that leave a little brood that take off a cup couple piece of arm half it'll start with a it'll go to a punch in the leg punching the arm a little punch in the ribs it'll go to a low little slap that don't leave a mark but it it's a little pop it'll bump in the head see it'll start something small that you just think is okay i understand you mad you ain't hit me with no ball fist but that thump hurt across my ear in my head across my nose that pinch that slap on the thigh you know that hard slap on the booty that hurt that was out of anger and see if you don't check that you you might jump don't do that you might do that but if you don't check that i'm talking about literally full stop everything stop listening never again you hear me and so and see when you marry there is no privacy in marriage you know i could go on my wife phone my wife would go on my phone if she see something my phone she don't like hey uh uh i remember i had a client and it was a thing that people used to be like love you now men said to the men said to me not to only say it back to men though because i remember i had a client and she's always say love you on the text message and i say love you and that was kind of weird but i was thinking like maybe it's a hollywood thing and i and i do see my wife and her you know uh female friends saying that i see them text that but when it comes from a woman i was looking at his life uh this feels kind of awkward but this is a kind of awkward person you know like okay but then when my wife seen it she said oh no i know it's supposed to be play play and all that but no no the woman because she could take that the wrong way even though it ain't romantic and all of that in her head she could be feeding it as it means a little more than what it is and i know everybody said and this all play but you ain't them and they ain't you and so she checked me on that and i said you know what okay i got you and then she told me like listen i understand you you got to affirm these women and stuff like that but don't be doing all that uh well you know you're very beautiful and your mates don't be doing all that because they could take it like you saying that and that's how you feel about them and you want them and you're not just affirming them you know as a person like you got to be very careful how you say that and so whereas i was trying to come in looking at it innocent you know as a new coach and not trying to sweat myself not trying to think like oh they're gonna automatically take it like i want them and think of it like that my wife check me and say no you gotta understand women seems like some of these women are not only single some of them desperate so if you giving all this praise and all this affirmation they start to take that as it's coming from you and like you like them like this not they're not looking at it as like this your job to encourage and motivate and uplift they looking at it like no tony gaskins said that he thinks i'm beautiful and lovable and amazing and that means he would marry me and he would want me and so she when she put it to me like that and yeah you gotta have a level of you know fear like concern and it's the little things that we don't address so it's that little thing where you see your partner look too much key ken look too much key ken on a text message with a friend quote unquote friend best friend or childhood friend of the opposite sex and you know you don't feel comfortable with it but you don't want to sound insecure and so you don't say anything it's that little thing that you ignore that turn out later they've been sleeping together they've made out they deeply madly in love but you didn't check it and if you would have checked that you would have found out they madly in love but just been disguising themselves as friends because both i'm scared to make that move you would have found that out when you tried to shut that down and then when you found it out you would have moved on with your life but you let it go thinking that oh this truly just platonic even though in your heart our hearts reading these text messages you knew if you being the same gender as this other person you know some a little off and so then that's why i say in a relationship like my wife could you know innocently respond to a guy she knew in high school and you know in a conversation say thank you or say yeah yeah it's going great or something like that and then he say something else and she say something else it could be just a simple innocent conversation from her but her not being a man she don't understand how men how we read into things and how we look at like if i'm on if i'm in dm talking to jay-z wife i'm talking to beyonce or i'm talking to this man i'm talking to the pastor wife i might as a man who ain't all the way mature could be sitting there thinking like um i wonder if she i wonder if she like me i wonder um i wonder where this could go i keep this conversation up and so i understand that as a man my wife being a woman i could be looking at some innocent from this woman and my wife could say no that's a play to get you to drop your guards to make you think it's just business but she really just trying to get close enough so that you could shoot a shot if you ever weak and and vulnerable or feeling like taking a stupid pill she right there ready for it she being a woman could see that and so that's why when you're in a relationship you have to it got to be equal both ways so it can't be the man can have female friends the male could have female friends but the female can't have male friends so if the man can't have woman friends then the woman can't have man friends and if the man don't want his woman to have male friends then that man can't go hollaback he got all these different women that's his friend and his childhood friend it got to be even it got to be both ways and you can't get nah here's the thing you can't confuse caution with insecurity that's the other thing that's the mistake we make we say oh well i don't want to be insecure by telling this person they can't be in the dm talking to somebody on the opposite side that's insecure no that's not insecure that's wisdom because that's where it started and i remember when i was changing my life when i was doing a huge overhaul in my life and i was listening to zig ziglar all day zig ziglar said on his podcast he said listen and this in this a little you know he was he god rest his soul he was just like a scrawny built white male and [Music] nothing like from a magazine or nothing like a model type looking guy that they show us in movies and magazines it you know god rest his soul he he did not look like women would be beating down his dough but i'm listening to zig and zig say he said i don't even go to lunch on a business meeting with a woman alone he said if my wife can't be there i can't be there he said he said or if a third party can't be there i can't be there he said i don't do even though it's a business meeting and it's in public and he said i don't want anybody to get to walk by and get the wrong idea and think something's going on and i don't want anything to be to where it could be led to it could lead to something and at that time you know it's very common for business women six figures seven figure women as the who do pr who do this and that for me to be meeting with them you know having lunch and having a business meeting and or or a woman that's a client you know and we talk about her personal business but it's and it's a business meeting but that let me know when zig said that i'm like man this man from mississippi you know like it's like this man he'll like he old school old-fashioned and this what he's saying and he a white male when you know in the white race they kind of a lot of times i'd be saying their relationships like my homeboys that's why they homeboy could could grind on their girlfriend and that never happened with black men uh uh with black men haying by to you to each other woman hey and by we could see we know us so we not really cool with that all that extra key key and all that extra conversation now my wife she'll talk and yeah other women they'll talk it the man right there but it ain't too much it ain't too much my wife was playing football one time in my home while playing the nfl he played receiver and he was and he was trying to show her something like bruh i'm gonna do this on youtube i don't wanna touch a woman and that just what he he just like that and what he was saying is like this what you gotta do with the receiver and and the uh db and so he did it on me he said what you got to do and he's showing her how to do it but he said i don't want to touch a woman i don't want to touch a wife and that's just how we move because we know us and what we come from and we don't want to send no signals we want to send no messages and so it's it's things like that we'll look at oh that's insecure now don't be doing all that i'll be doing all that and i notice a lot of couples like they have all the best friends have everybody number like the woman all her best friends i have her husband number her man number and he'll be reaching out to them for advice talking about his woman that's a no-no absolute no no and vice versa that's an absolute no-no because there's so many men that have slept with the quote-unquote best friend i just saw that video that was that's all online right now uh the man was in the car with a woman cheating his woman find out she pull up on the motorcycle she while she dealing with him the woman get out and sneak out sneak out the door walk away and then the woman come back the woman just happened to walk up the side of the road and then the man girlfriend go hug the woman because that's her best friend she hugging her for consolation and don't even realize that was her best friend that was just in the car cheating with her man and that happened all the time but see what happened that relationship that woman let the best friend get too close in there my wife she don't let her best friend if they need some advice for me they got to call her and they got to ask her hey can i talk to tony about this business here situation about this relationship situation they call her and get her permission and then they'll call me and when they call me she'd be right beside me nine out of 10 times or if not then she'd know or she she didn't she know this friend and she 100 percent trust this friend and she know that this friend not my type she know that this friend is classy respectable and this like a best friend that's the only time she approved that and vice versa because energy sexual energy sexual chemistry all that stuff real so when you go into a relationship don't don't let not not if you trying to lock somebody up in the room and they can't go nowhere and you want your partner to walk out with a garbage bag over their head and all of this here and and you know you they can't they gotta walk with their head uh they can't even speak to nobody nah i am not talking about all that i'm talking about common sense wisdom to where you can look at the root interaction and tell that if this root take roots and it birthed fruit this fruit could be dangerous this could be a deal breaker so the things i mentioned yelling cursing coming in late not keeping your word putting hands on you in any kind of way even if it's a thump or a pinch everything got to be stopped in the dm with people everything got to be shut down all this co-mingling and crossing of of the genders his friends all that everything got to be shut down because i've seen it so many times so many times where a woman let her man or vice versa talk to their best friend and it'd be it it'd be 10 minutes then it'd be 30 minutes then it'd be an hour the next thing you know it'd be an affair with the best friend and i i see and i know people who their spouse have left them for their best friend like it it'll be like my wife leaving me for my homeboy i know situation like that the reason too much co-mingling you keep people at a distance keep people at a distance now it's the other way around that i know where the woman like the woman friend end up with the woman man and and it's and it's sad and and that and that's a bad look you know for the man and woman but you'll think that the friend will have some decent be like well you was with my friend i'm not gonna be with you but you know some women don't care about that because it's it's a fight for us because it's less men than it is women so someone so some women if they could take your man or if the old man showing interest in your and and if they could find out what you don't do then they gonna be everything that you not for your man and you thinking this your home girl and you got her all in your man face key ken and she ready to be sling you hear me so listen and that's one thing i respect about my wife you know like it's a lot of times i'd be like man i don't even know my sister-in-law's like i don't even talk to my sister-in-law like that like my wife she don't try to do no group message you know try to you know reach out to such i have talked to my sister-in-law's on text message in the 15 years i've been married to my wife hun her sisters they close they talk they love each other uh i've talked to my sister-in-laws probably one time each on the text message probably one time and just and it ain't anything that need to be found out like i could have a picture that my sister-in-law need and i got my sister-in-law number i posted text that to my wife and my wife sent it to her and vice versa and and that just as you how she running and you know what i respect that i respect that because it has been thousands of situations where a man has slept with the sister of his wife or of his girlfriend or the mother of his wife or of his girlfriend and just that and so that's the thing so you got to look at if you're single right now look at all the little roots all the little incidents all the little things that you're gonna have to address to make sure it don't turn into nothing big and so that actually helped me decide to be faithful to my wife is because for every little thing that she checked i was like you know what if she checking me on this like if i can't raise my voice in an argument how in the world i'm gonna get away with cheating if if i can't come in the house late from the club when we were dating uh how am i gonna get away with cheating how am i gonna pull a fair off if i can't come in come in apartment late a few hours late when this some men don't even come at all all night some men be gone two three days and the woman still let them come back my wife on my head by coming in some a few hours late and i wasn't even doing nothing bad i had a girl that was in my modeling troop that one of my homeboys wanted to link up with and i took her to his hotel oh yeah i'll just be out there i used to be out there i don't know what they did they left the dope and so i'm not assuming they did anything in there cut the doors open and um i was just i'm sitting in the living room and that was when i first got back with my wife and i had a mother trooper already going so she let me she let me keep it going for like a month or two before she put her foot down and said this right here just got to get cut out we're gonna have to cut this out you're not you can't be in a club with eight women and y'all in the vip while they twerking and you just live in that club lifestyle with you taking these women to different clubs the the twerk you can't do that yeah i used to be out there i just got though entrepreneur and my wife and and literally i wasn't even at the club so i i said club i when he met the club i was at a hotel room and one of my guys i knew he thought one of my models was cute she was like yeah i go meet him and they was in the room the door was open so i only know i don't think that happened when they you know she came out she told me they went to sleep they were talking and fell asleep i'm like what the world is dead so i got back 5 a.m in the morning drop off at her apartment went home i probably was i was 21 22 years old my wife said list you say you gonna be back like midnight don't ever in your life come over here and only know if she let me in i think that's what it was and so i looked at that and i say man this woman she on top of everything like i can't do nothing i ain't got no leeway she let nothing go down she made me get out the streets she made me let my mother troop go she made me go get a real job to be with her you know and she supported me along the way she bought my steel toe boots from my jaw she published my first book so she was she was riding with me if i'm going the right way she said but if you going the wrong way i'm getting off at the rest stop at the next stop i'm out of here and that's what you have to be thinking about in your relationship stop letting look things i find little stuff to check just just checking lister just hey let's check this right here right now so that five years down the line this don't turn into something i know that's your home boy from high school but these boys they got an agenda don't respond no ha ha don't respond no thank you nothing don't respond nothing because you don't know what he finna take to the barbershop and then one day this man that went to your high school that's responding to your stories one day it could be a major celebrity and then he in the song line because i may be at that point the number one life coach in the world number one life coach in the country and he want to make it his point to have some interaction with my wife now and then not only is he could go and be spreading lies and rumors about an innocent response but then i got to go to prison for taking his life for trying me like a basil so now let's knit this in the blood because i already see how the devil gonna try to use this later the devil will use this to have me doing life in prison because he knowing about that and so he would use your innocence to have me doing life in prison because this man trying me and knowing i ain't all the way stable yet did not take that man life on accident allegedly and so listen to me you got to see these little things that's popping up and you got to nip them in the butt because you because when you look at it if this continue to happen what this what could this be an affair and assault this that and the third hey there's tony the guy from god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 30,300

Rating: 4.9688869 out of 5

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Id: 2aj32hc14xM

Length: 30min 2sec (1802 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 08 2021