- Look, detective, I
hate to break it to you. I ain't kill nobody. (hip-hop tape playing) ♪ Stroke my chin real
slow when I'm lying ♪ ♪ And I was laughing super
hard as Darnell was dyin' ♪ - The name of the album is
"I Killed Darnell Simmons." - It's a concept album. - [Detective] A concept?! That's a picture of you, a picture of you and behind
you is Darnell Simmons's body. (tense music crescendoing) - Coincidence. (upbeat percussive theme music) ♪ But I don't need ya ♪ - Excuse me, big man, big man, big man. Excuse me big man, though. But big man. Okay, god bless you, I'll
catch you on the upflip. - Okay, thank you big
man, thank you big man. - Hey brother.
- Hey. - Can I ask you a question
real quick though, brother man? - Oh see, that's good 'cause I was about to axe
you a question right quick. - Okay, so here's the deal, man. Crazy thing, my car run outta gas about a mile up the road this-a way. I was just wondering if I
get a little bit of money, you know, to just get a couple of gallons. - Okay, that's crazy 'cause you know what? My car had also broke
down right up the road. Yeah, I got my daughter here, she's five. - Okay, oh.
- She's sleeping in the car. I gotta get back to her real quick. So if you could help me out. - Psh, I was gonna ask
you if you could help me. - Oh, okay. - Lemme just give you my wallet out here and show you my ID to let you know that I am straight up legit. It's real. I ain't trying to trying to
do nothing to nobody, okay? - On the issue of legitimacy,
I too have an identification. That's an employee ID
from Border's Bookstore. - You see right here I got
my Balley's Total Fitness ID, shows you that I stay fit and
conscientious and whatnot. You also notice that these
other IDs I have in my hand have the same name on it, which makes you know that it
is indeed me right here, okay? - I too have multiple
IDs, crescendoing in this, dun-dun-dun-da, Yogurtland punch card. - Okay, yeah, I see that.
- You see that right there? That is, I'm up for my
ninth purchase apparently. And can't you fake that. - You get a free 10-ounce yogurt for that. - Yeah.
- All right. So, normally I would not ask
another person for assistance, but our family is in a
fiduciary crisis right now. My wife is languishing in the hospital. She a construction worker,
and what happened is she got struck in the
face by a power line, fried her whole head up,
burnt both her eyeballs out. She's getting an eyeball
replacement surgery as we speak. - I also have a spousal injury
crisis on my midst as well. My wife was in the astronaut program making her a full-fledged astronaut. - Okay, impressive. - And she had gotten moon
dust in her lungs, inhaled. You don't wanna get it.
- That's never good. It's never good.
- We don't want that. So maybe we could find an
ATM or something like that. - Okay, somewhere, perhaps- - Oh look, that's one over there. - Oh my gosh!
- That's a ATM. - What's the chances of it? We should probably check that out. Yeah, let's just take a look right there. - [Gray Jacket Man] Well, here we are. - [Red Jacket Man] Well, here we are. ATM machines that I did not
know previously were here. - All right, two of them no less. - I'll tell you what we
should do though, man. You give me the 20, okay? I'll give you the 3 that's on my person. - Yeah? - Then I will give you the 17 after. - Then you give me that 17, I'll cut you a check for a
hundred just to cover that. You gimme the change in cash. - Okay, okay. I feel that. - Why am I playing? I'm just gonna give you my ATM
card so you know I'm legit. - Of course, of course. I'm gonna give you my ATM card so we both have something of
value from the other person. - All right. And your code is? - It is 1 2 3 4. And yours, sir? - 1 2 3 5.
- I thank you. (ATMs beeping) Okay, that is a Ralph's rewards card. - Okay, that is a credit card
placeholder you would find in a translucent sleeve
in a brand new wallet. (lock beeping) - Excuse me, big man.
- Hey big man! - Hey big man!
- Hey, right quick! - Can I ask you a question biggest of men? - I got a question right quick. (distant phones ringing)
(distant police chattering) - Johnny. Okay Carter, I can stay here all night. So why don't you and I cut the crap and you tell me what
happened on March 15th. - And what's in it for Carter Finlay? - What's in it for you is I
don't send you back to jail. (mysterious piano music) (Carter sighing) - The guy's name is Cat Branchman. I met him downtown at a club
called the Clutching Kitten. You may have heard of it. It's down on the corner
of Hang and Fur Street. - Cat Branchman. So what's a guy like you
and a guy named Cat...? Okay, I know what you're doing, Finlay. You're just using what
you see in my poster. - I'm not, Detective.
I'm telling the truth. - We'll see how much truth you tell after a few weeks in solitary confinement- - Fine, Detective. You've twisted my arm. - That's better. - The guy's name wasn't Cat Branchman. - Thank you. - It was a Chinese guy named Mr. Meow. He's the real gang boss. Story went, he hung guys from trees and took pictures of them. - Finlay. - Used to run a club
downtown, a front of course, called it the Paw and Poster. - Finlay! - Ran it with a guy named Hong In Thar. - Okay. Let's try this one more time. Finlay, who do you work for? - Um, Coffee. Mr. Coffee Coop. - Coffee Coop? - His name was Baldy Tallman Coffee Coop. - Now you're just talking about me. Finlay, I'm gonna give
you one more chance. Who is in charge? - His name was Angry Man. (detective sighing) The warehouse is located in the diploma for being a detective. - I want a name. - Justin. - Thank you. - Hangtree.
- Don't say Hang. Goddamit, do not say Hang. - Hang.
- Nope. - Hangman Justin Katz- - [Detective] Finlay.
- Poster. - Do not say poster or cat. - Cat Poster. - Okay, that's it. I'm losing my patience. Winslow, get this moron outta here. (distant phones ringing)
(distant people chattering) (cuffs ratcheting) (suspenseful music) I'm losing my patience. Let's try this one more time. I'm gettin' too old for this (bleep). - Well played, Detective. Well played indeed. - [Detective] Hey Carter. You hang in there. - I'm telling you it's totally legal. These doctors, they'll prescribe medical
marijuana to anyone, man. - What do I tell 'em I need it for? - It doesn't matter. They wanna give you a prescription. That's how they get paid. Just make something up. - Hey, Mr. Washington. Welcome. - Hey, Doctor. - All right, I'm gonna
ask you a couple questions and then we're-
- AIDS. - What? - AIDS. - AIDS? As in... - As in I got it. Need lots of weed to get rid of it. - Oh okay, AIDS. Wow. All right. Are you sure you're not
suffering from anything else? Like, you know, back pain? - Nope. - Anxiety. - Cool as a cucumber. - How about insomnia? - Sleep like a baby. With AIDS. - Okay, Mr. Washington, let's just slow your
roll for a second here. If you had AIDS, then I
would have to verify it by seeing test results, whereas if you have back pain or anxiety or anything else that I can't test for, then I can give you this prescription for cannabis right now. - Oh.
- Understand? - Oh, yeah I see. I get it. - Awesome.
- My bad. - Good good good, okay, so- - Leprosy. - No. No, because if you had leprosy, I'd have to quarantine you. - Ouch.
- What? No. Okay, I see your finger's falling off. That's, don't do that though,
that's not gonna work. - Scurvy.
- Nope. - Rickets.
- What? No. - Consumption.
- No, Mr. Washington. Something from this century. - Schizophrenia. You don't have schizophrenia. Yes you do. - No, just keep it simple, please. What the hell is that? I don't know what that is. - That's a fish hook in my lip. - Just pick something off this list. - I can't reach it. - Why not? - Paralyzed. (hand slapping) - Does your face hurt, Mr. Washington? - Yeah. - Then this should help. (heart monitor beeping) - Don?
- Yes, I'm here. - Promise you'll never forget about me. - Yes, of course. - Promise me you'll take care
of our little girl. Love her. - Yes, with all my heart. - Promise me you'll stay strong for her. - Yes. Yes, I promise. - And promise me you'll never
sleep with another woman. (man clicking tongue) - I hear you. - Promise me you'll take
care of Mr. Big Fluffytail. - Yes. Yes, yes, yes. That cat will be the most
loved cat in the world. - And that you won't look at porn. (man vocalizing) Huh? (man speaking gibberish) - Is that a yes? - Chicky-chicky chicky-chicky
chiggity chiggity check. - No pornography. - Buster Brown says what? - Was that a yes? - Yo' better believe I
heard what you said, girl. - You love me, right? - Yes, I love you. Yes. - And we're soulmates, right? - Yes. - So you will never, ever, ever think of someone else
while masturbating, right? - Message received. - I don't understand, is that a yes? - Yo comprende. - Is that a promise? - Your request has been filed. - Say you promise. - Fuhgeddaboud. - I need to hear you say it.
- It. - No, say "I promise." - You promise. - You promise. Say it. - Okay, I promise. - No air quotes. ♪ Promises are things that lovers have ♪ Say it. Say it! - I promise. I promise. - What are you promising? - I promise what you said. (woman sighing)
- Oh fine, forget it. - Yes. I mean, okay. - Will you at least promise
to go see my mom every day? - So zero pornography. Done. I like that. Nurse! Fix my wife! (man sobbing) Don't touch me right now. This is not all about you. (haunting ambient music) (fingers snapping) - First things first. I do not care that you are a multi-platinum selling rapper, Gun Rack. What I care about is that I 100% know that you
murdered Darnell Simmons. So you better start talking. - Yeah, but you ain't got nothin'. - Okay.
(Detective chuckling) You know, I'm actually, I'm
very glad that you said that because respectfully, I beg to differ. (hip-hop music) ♪ I killed Darnell, yeah,
I shot him with my nine ♪ ♪ I shot him nine times,
9:00 PM on the dime ♪ ♪ And by the way, it was November 9th ♪ (pause button clicking) (haunting ambient music) - That don't mean nothing. I got a vivid imagination. (Detective chuckling dryly) I couldn't have shot Darnell. I was at my cousin's birthday party, Red Lobster, November 9th. - At Red Lobster? - Mm-hmm. - Geez, I gotta tell you, Gun Rack, I find that really hard to believe. ♪ I got an alibi, birthday, Red Lobster ♪ ♪ When in reality I shot
Darnell like a monster ♪ ♪ It's a lie ♪ ♪ Anyone could tell
this if you know about ♪ ♪ My allergy to all shellfish ♪ Just confess, Gun Rack. - I confess that shellfish is the only thing that
rhymes with "tell this." It's just words, Detective. Nouns, adjectives. They just happen to be in a dope order. But you ain't got no proof. ♪ Shot up Darnell with a long ass gun ♪ ♪ And tossed it into the aquarium ♪ (hip-hop music) (button clicking) I have no idea what that object is. (Detective sighing frustratedly) If I had to identify it, I would call it a gun
of the long-ass variety. Some seaweed in there too. Look, Detective, I hate
to break it to you. I ain't kill nobody. (play button clicking)
(hip-hop music) ♪ Stroke my chin reel
slow when I'm lyin' ♪ ♪ And I was laughing super
hard as Darnell was dyin' ♪ - The name of the album is
"I Killed Darnell Simmons." - It's a concept album. - [Detective] A concept?! That's a picture of you. A picture of you, and behind
you is Darnell Simmons's body. (suspenseful music crescendoing) - Coincidence. - You're going away for a
long time, you understand? You're gonna confess if it's
the last thing you ever do. You hear me, Gun Rack?
I'll beat it outta you! (supervisor shouting)
(detective shouting) (supervisor shouting) - He's free to go. - What? No, no, no, we
have everything we need. - No, it was Simmons's girlfriend. She just confessed to the whole thing. Infidelity. Crime of passion. Let's go, Mr. Rack. (suspenseful ambient music) (hip-hop music) ♪ Bonus track, bonus track ♪ ♪ I got a ride or die bitch ♪ ♪ I think you get the gist ♪ ♪ And when you let me out,
I'm gonna blow a little kiss ♪ ♪ This is my confession ♪ ♪ Admissible in court ♪ ♪ I killed Darnell Simmons for sport ♪ ♪ Haha, that's right ♪ ♪ I'm a murderer, come get me ♪ ♪ Come down the hall, you can't get me. ♪ Okay, okay, you got me. You got me. Hey, whoa whoa, damn damn, chill! Ow, ow! (upbeat percussive theme music) ♪ Oh I want ya, but I don't need ya ♪
