Kallmekris Top TikTok's Compilation IN ORDER | 2021

[Music] hey honey pizza's here okay be down in a bit ready call the animals in honey and take over [Music] [Music] it's done good [Applause] coming it's gonna be like attack on titan out there we gotta keep the old ones back in that base so the youngest can feed first he's got to learn how to fend for himself carry and never make it out there on his own we're closing in i don't know if we're gonna make it [Applause] i love you i know animals do not use that tone with me the amount of disrespect you think i would ever talk to my mother that way i don't think so oh oh you're gonna cry back there i'll pull over i'll give you something to cry about you are lucky we are running late we're here hey teresa yeah no oh they're great the kids are great yeah no for sure yeah no we'll be right in wouldn't miss pastor john sermon yeah oh katrina that was a great parenting class last week ah good parenting class i do parenting classes in my basement for misbehaving kids for some extra though and what does that entail well hello [Music] ladies in chad orders came from snacks okay so first scenario you're playing game with your kid do you let them win oh yeah run you beat them get the game last thing you want is to raise a little cocky modok so first exercise is to look at your toddler and tell them you suck oh i don't think oh do you hear that hear what it is the sound of them walking all over you okay you suck all right okay you suck perfect segway into punishment huh i should bring riley to one of those first class is free if you bring vodka who broke my lamp oh we're doing this the hard way okay where were you when the lamp broke i don't know watching tv in the other room hmm got any witnesses to back that up no oh god i have an account from may 2009 that says you said i hate that ugly lamp if that's not probably cause i don't know what it is just because i said it's ugly two years ago doesn't mean i broke it so you're in the tv room and you hear nothing can i get a phone call oh you'd like that wouldn't you but you're on my data plan deadbeat nice try you might as well fess up cause your sister over there singing like a canary then why we're still talking mom honey i need you to tell me who broke the lamp you walk free and you get mcdonald's if you tell me it was chris yes shane and selena are going to try to do my voices riley first okay katrina piss me the vodka right now supposed to be the water right now let's see the vodka right now nona i got a colonoscopy today i got a colonoscopy today oh scottish coach boom what are you doing around these parts megan what are you doing what are you doing around this porch sexy janet riley don't drink that pass me the wine riley don't drink that pass me the wine riley don't drink that pass me the wine no 12 year old twilight version of me [Laughter] oh chad just said he has a surprise outside okay what is it oh my god oh the new whip where did you find this oh they're practically giving her away at the police auction why chad i'll be great when i babysit the little dudes super spacious super private no windows could even put a candy station back there and we could do ice cream some big brain ideas little dude don't encourage your chat also i figured i could wrap it like the mystery machine from scooby-doo mm-hmm since the kids always sleep when i'm driving them around i was thinking the kid napping machine do you hear yourself why you always gotta harsh my mileage at it the kidnapping machine the kidnapping machine the kidnapping machine yeah the kidnapping machine oh i hear it now yeah yeah i'll take it back or torch it yeah honda civic next time have fun at day camp kids playing nice all right maggots we got a new camper with this uh civil war say i think it's thursday sir um it's sarcia what kind of backwards ass irish witchcraft name is that i like it all right today we are earning our flash badge flash [ __ ] yeah it's for quick thinking skills obviously so you're getting chased by a black bear do you climb a tree or run away you should always not you mafia boss i'm asking the lucky charm climb a tree wrong trick question it's neither now you're a gourmet boo boo bear lunchable what's the right answer pipsqueak trip you first and then walk away slowly i respect that give her the badge serious thanks it's always nice to come to the park and people judge it's people watching same thing hunter we will give you five bucks if you can jump across that pond don't worry sitting duck i've got you here we go your shoes are pretty well they're my limited edition pride vessels hunter are you do you have problem with my badass 100 waterproof pride vesses i do well hey don't talk to my girlfriend like that at least we could easily wash the crap off of our vesses too bad you can't wash off that crappy attitude nice here is a 10 just for having to be kidding son thanks table for one please oh actually we don't have what is your name emily emily if you do not get me table i will simply delete you from existence okay right this way here you are and i'll get you a glass of water we'll go okay [Music] here you go how long has that woman been sitting alone poor thing's been sitting there for 30 minutes cute little gentlemen about time i'm starving i'm going to kill you to top out my wine can we move this chair so it's not a constant reminder about how i'm going to be alone forever janet i'm a freaking loser janet you're not katrina what are you doing here full desk may i join you yeah i'd love that [Music] this place has got great service da only had to threaten the waitress you didn't i did i'm glad to get this wig off so your day didn't show yeah probably saw me and walked out janet i have no problem dragging him down and making his inevitable demise look like an accident that would be ideal maybe he trips off remote cliff or has faulty wiring that leads to devastating house fire or he accidentally trips in front of a bus yeah it's too public too messy i'm joking me though okay this is actually really nice our first accidental date i wouldn't have it any other way i can't imagine the kids are having a crazier night than we are oh [ __ ] courtney show me your face holy [ __ ] i'll be back oh [ __ ] oh what the [ __ ] i'm sure to find all right kids so what did everybody do this summer i went to disneyland i went to mexico wow and chris what did your family do uh i know right stacy i found that for five dollars at a garage sale it has some holes in it but it's an absolute steal can we at least fill it halfway mom oh oh are you paying the utility bill i'm eight we'll either steal the neighbor's holes or be ungrateful somewhere else we did not go to mexico [Music] katrina let me talk janet listen i've been holding this bag for a long time now and i just need to get it off my chest i just listen i love you daily as a friend but i'd be lying if i said i didn't feel more than that listen all i know is i want to be in your life no matter what and whether that's as a friend or as a partner i don't care i just wanted to just know are you done marie yeah we're having a family dinner janet's out getting booze could you at least tell janet that i oh marie left but i couldn't help but eavesdrop this is like the lgbt one two three pride and prejudice oh it's lgbt don't worry i'm very hip i'm very now what is it katrina loves janet what katrina loves janet they've infiltrated the planet oh my god you're my best friend katrina i know i wonder what has taken mother so long judging by how dilated her eyes were on her sweaty her brow as while driving i'm going to assume she's finally confessing her feelings for janet what you're my person and i don't want to mess that up just tell her you're part of the wine of the month club you'll be a showing for sure sorry you're the only person in my life who's always been there since i met you um hello you too and i can't stand the thought of losing you but i also can't stand the thought of not at least trying this yay no they're gonna try and date what they're gonna try and date they've penetrated the cake oh my god chris yeah i've asked you three times now to do the dishes you're grounded i'll just run away oh you're gonna run away yeah yeah i didn't pack it or anything but i put a pillow in there because the concrete not good for lumbar support okay yeah it should cost money out there in the real world so i'd stop by the unemployment office on davey street and there's people cracked out of their minds there so i'd take your toothbrush use it as a multi-tool make a shiv protect yourself uh but i i don't think that yeah it's supposed to be a big storm out there tonight too so i'm going to order the fam jam some pizza maybe make some hot chocolate watch a movie but you enjoy it out there oliver twist i think i changed my mind yeah send me a postcard why am i nervous don't be you told her we're dating right i know she didn't like me to begin with maybe to impress her say something in russian to her yeah okay like what uh say you are beautiful you know what going faster doesn't help okay good enough just go okay hey one second hey how do you say you're beautiful in russian again it's no no no no it is uh tina kranzi brindilah okay got it thanks tina krem c brindala what the [ __ ] here you go janet caro thanks thanks so uh we have something to tell you carol it's kind of serious wait wait i cannot help you bury a dead body okay no no i just cannot have that on my conscience oh my kettle no no i do not care what they did what did they do no no oh my god no i don't want to know i don't want to know curiosity killed cat carol carol you know what if we went back in time and you asked college carol this might be a different story but i am a woman of god now what you know what why don't we why don't we dip into church you know i know it's a wednesday at 10 30 but the good lord can pencil you in to confess your sins maybe not you but kill shut up let the speak okay go ahead we're dating we're dating you're cremating that's worse than burrying no janet and i are dating oh oh well well that's nice okay i just never know what to expect with you too i just but this this is that's great yeah yes thanks thank you and burning and cremating a body would be worse way to get rid of body i have heard hey could you go get me a snack yep no thanks [Music] fine you yeah wanna go get me a snack sure should try it it's fun can you get me one too you got it there's i get it now yeah hi janet thank you for coming in yeah let's hurry this up because i'm running late for a three o'clock range time with katrina oh you golf what the hell is janet yeah so what did riley do exactly right so we had one of our playground duty mom's report that riley said to her how long do i have to wait until you burst into your natural demon form oh and here's the duty mom now janet oh it's karen okay no wonder you're late i know it's a bit of a track crawling up all the way from the depths of hell this is making more sense now your daughter's just as trashy as her mother oh that's rich coming from somebody that just yelled homophobic slows to me and katrina the other day too bad your girlfriend isn't here to back you up hmm i think she is what okay i think we're fine here yeah riley let's go buddy hey your hair looks really nice what's your problem what i'm just complimenting you can't do is that a crime since when do you compliment me you want something don't you what's the catch there's no catch just take the compliment huh it's just a little hard to believe because yesterday you told me i look like the female version of william h macy so i was joking he's not even that bad looking you know he is well he makes up for it with his personality and his humor which you lack you know what oh my god i came in here and i genuinely thought your hair looked nice okay just take the freaking compliment thank you i actually just got it done i was gonna do like a full platinum but then i thought i'd keep it more natural do some highlights you know so thanks that's great and on a completely unrelated note i need a ride to a party uh yeah two tickets for the movies please sure so one adult and child uh no she's actually under three so she's free but mom i'm eight i mean i'm three she looks a little older than three you know what she's actually she's got a condition and it's it makes her look older than what she is it's older than she looks at titus that's a new one okay and is there any uh candy in your bag ma'am oh i like to bring a change of clothes i sweat a lot in the theater so it's just yeah mm-hmm okay just go ahead you know what this actually isn't my kid so okay kids get in the car shotgun shotgun i said it first i said it first it doesn't even matter you're the size of a chicken nugget you can't even fit in the front seat no i'm not yeah well you know what she didn't even call shotgun yeah i called shotgun i got shotgun i'll see you in the front seat [Music] you

Channel: Kallmekris

Views: 4,478,411

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Id: 3FS8_l_i81Q

Length: 19min 30sec (1170 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 17 2021