Jurassic Park III (2001) KILL COUNT

movie footage used in the killcount is owned entirely by the copyright holders Deadmeat makes no claim of ownership and simply uses the footage for purposes of Education commentary and criticism under fair use please support film makers and the art of filmmaking by watching Jurassic Park 3 in its entirety on home media or streaming services where available welcome to the killcount where we tell if the victims in all our favorite horror movies I'm James a Chinese and today we're looking at Jurassic Park 3 released in 2001 by director Joe Johnston I've got to be honest here JP 3 is when the series loses me I know lost world had its problems but it still had a sense of wonder and a grandiose vision to it in Jurassic Park 3 the Wonder is gone and the story plays out like an episode of a 90's network drama the whole movie has a real cheap look to it the new characters are either annoying or useless Dino food and holy shit there was just Dino chasing after Dino chasing after Dino chasing after Dino chasing look I love a good Dino chase scene but the operative word there is good JP threes chase scenes just served to move the characters around the island a little bit faster which I guess I should be grateful for since the rest of the time these assholes are just walking around the jungle talking to each other and yeah sam neill returns as Alan Grant but it's obvious he doesn't give a fuck about this movie and just needed to build an extension on his house or something but hey there's a new dinosaur in town the Spinosaurus so that's cool I guess I don't know man I was fine with the t-rex and Raptors but what else maybe the new Dino will lead to a higher body count let's find out and get to the kills [Music] the movie begins on Isla Sorna again same island is lost world only nowadays it's routine this dude Ben and this kid Eric are on a boat with tour guide Enrique where they're about to dinosaur near the island in a dangerous attempt to get some great load F camcorder footage of dinosaurs and Rica and his helmsman hit some choppy water and drive into some fog and that's the last we see of that because when Eric and Ben look down again after their tether gets tugged they see that the boat is now empty hey that's a good fucking question Eric maybe a Pteranodon killed them all though like where the hell would it have disappeared to so quickly now no no I guess jp3 just really liked the boat flat hole from lost world and wanted to have its own in any case after the boat gets into more rocky territory Ben disengages the parasail and the two of them glide their asses straight down into Dino island that's yeah that's pretty terrifying let's welcome Alan Grant back to the franchise as he plays plastic dinosaurs with little Charlie over here Charlie is Ellie Sattler son but put away that DNA kit Maury cuz Grant is not the father instead our lovebirds from the original or now just old friends Charlie's progenitor is Ellie's husband mark a State Department dude who works at the State Department remember that because that's the only reason this characters in the movie State Department got it good see you later mark Ellen and Ellie talk about good times and bad times and grant tells her that his latest sciencing shows that velociraptors could actually communicate they could talk to each other to a degree we never imagined working with Grant on all this cutting-edge vilasa science is Billy Brennan yes a grown-ass man named Billy Billy is concerned about their dig sites future funding probably because he just spent a whole bunch of it on a 3d printer that he uses to scan a Raptor skull and sculpt a resonating chamber of a velociraptor wonder what that will sound like yeah sounds like a Velociraptor there bird calling is interrupted by Paul Kerr be played by professional sad-sack William H Macy he takes the two of them out to dinner with his mustache and his wife Amanda played by Madam Secretary Thao Leone and the Kirby's introduced themselves as rich adventurers who have done it all we even have two seats reserved on the first commercial flight to the moon yeah okay wait for their upcoming anniversary they want something super special and Dino tastic so they've chartered a plane to fly over Isla Sorna and now they're asking grant to be there Dino guide since he's seen the animals in person grant is hesitant but in an exact copy of the trailer scene with Haman from the original Herbie offers to fund his Dino digs and that gets grant and Billy to agree I'm the plane to the island we get a copy of something from the second movie - since Billy's got a lucky pack just like Sarah Harding did 15 minutes in and this movie's already a bastardized clone kind of like the dinos it depicts sharing the plane with Grant and Billy are a trio of mercenaries but instead of being interesting side characters they're just here to get eaten so fuck'em graham takes a nap and wakes up to the single-most memed scene of the franchise if you have the internet you've surely seen it by now it's that talking dinosaur it's just a dream of course and the talking Raptor is actually Billy the Boy Wonder waking up grab because they've reached the island the Jurassic Park theme plays for like the 20th time in this movie already as they fly into the island and soar over a bunch of nice plant eating dinosaurs grant starts to fulfill his guide duties but finds his audience treating him like he's leading a museum tour and there are a bunch of fifth graders just completely ignoring him this is Kirby look out here you'll see a group of that talk of landing the plane gets grant angry but before he can do anything this Cooper guy gets up and knocks him out in a real stupid POV shot of Bill Macy mugging and a fade to black when Gregg comes to they've already landed on the island arming up and yelling into a megaphone for Eric and Ben then they hear a dinosaur roar and some gunshots there's no build up or anything on screen nope this movie's first Dino sequence happens out of sight and the only evidence of it is when mercenaries udesky and Nash run out of the jungle all sorts of terrified everyone gets back on the plane and Nash begins to take off when Cooper runs back out of the trees and tries to flag them down for his part grant seems very concerned for this guy he's never met before and who recently knocked him unconscious Nash says he can't stop the plane but Cooper's boned either way because a big old Spinosaurus rushes out of the jungle and eats him up good oh no not Cooper he was so a guy the plane Clips the dinosaur and that sends it crash landing in the jungle in a very violent manner but that's okay nobody appears to be injured in the least bit turns out the plane is still high up in the trees the perfect height for the returning Spinosaurus who proceeds to tear off the front of the plane or maybe it just falls off I can't tell this movie's cheap the Spinosaurus then attacks them by sticking his big spino face in the plane and grabbing Nash by the leg here it's the mercenary out and drops him to the jungle floor then kills him pretty quickly with a Stav screen head bite that probably took a queen on the fuselage falls from the foliage and crashes into the ground then gets kicked by the giant dinosaur and rolls until it hits a tree still no injuries to these people what the hell the spinosaurus messes with them a bunch and tears into the Hall of the plane but while it's busy fishing between the seats for those complementary types of peanuts everyone makes a getaway now you may be like Spa know what who the hell is this bin bag fucker that's hashtag not my dinosaur for everyone saying that don't worry and no time at all the humans run into the classic t-rex and yet another dinosaur chase scene begins then we see what it's like when dinos collide cuz the t-rex and Spinosaurus get into a dino fight with the Tyrannosaurus Rex as the indisputable fan favorite you might expect him to win the match easily but jp3 is trying to put the Spinosaurus over so the newcomer snaps into the Rex's neck and puts him down with a nasty snap solidifying its role as the top heel in the film and roaring out a challenge come at me mothafucka spinals in the house the Kirby's come clean to grant an admit that they're a divorced couple who are looking for their son Erik the kid from the parasailing incident in the beginning the other guy who was with Erik was Ben Hildebrand Amanda's current boyfriend so what that Erik kid went on a tropical vacation with just his mom's boyfriend what the hell is going on here Erik and Ben have been missing for eight weeks so grant is like dude your son is Dino done by now I'm getting the hell out of here as they all make their way through the jungle more truth comes out about the Kirby's they're not really adventurers and they ain't even rich Paul Kirby just owns a hardware store so that science money he promised grant and Billy ain't ever gonna happen sorry boys but that's what you get for trusting the guy who looks like Bill Macy to be a billionaire the group comes across the dinosaur parasail hanging from a tree and find Ben and Eric's camcorder on the ground nearby the tape inside shows the Kirby's the boat crash as well as confirmation that Eric at least survived the Paracel crash-landed great for him but when granted Billy go to get the parasail down we find out that Ben wasn't so lucky since his strung-up skeleton swings down and smacks mrs. Kirby in the face I knew you liked him on the thinner side Amanda but this guy needs to get more meat on them bones don't worry though Amanda tells Paul that she's too worried about their missing son to give a single rat's ass about her dead boyfriend yeah but can it be both or was that relationship just one of those rebound things then they find a nest of Velociraptor eggs Oh scratch that a whole bunch of nests of Velociraptor eggs they get out of there in a hurry but Billy trails behind a bit telling grant he was just taking pictures of the nest but spoiler alert Billy's a fucking liar who are the trees they find an old engine structure but not the same one from the wasps world even though this takes place on the same island god forbid we get that level of continuity they enter the building and start doing some urban exploring not noticing the dinosaurs running around in the background we get some classic Maisie emasculation after Billy breaks open a vending machine for some surely expired food because Paul Kirby tries to follow suit only to hurt his foot in the attempt and least he ain't getting cogs like your character in Boogie Nights dude next up on the tour is a Dino birthing center complete with a bunch of vilasa fetuses and test tubes in a scene ripped straight from aliens but hold on just a minute that last Raptor is not a fetus its full-grown and it's playing a goddamn trick on them cuz it's a lie the philosopher third Raptor with its new charlie brown hair chases after the group and pushes up the door they're behind in a strangely human way a man dead Billy get away by trapping the Raptor Menace behind the door but eventually it gets free and chases them all outside stopping on the stoop to tell all his homies looks like meats back on the menu boys the five humans escaped into a herd of hadrosaurs which include the heel headed Parasaurolophus and the crest crowned cora thesaurus seems like a great way to get trampled to me but the plan works for the most part and everyone makes it into the trees except udesky who runs into an off-screen Raptor and is later seen trying to crawl away from them and not getting very far the Kirby's wind up seeing udesky from a tree and notice that he's still alive since he's moving at least a little bit Amanda goes out to get him but get this apparently udesky was left alive by the Raptors as part of a trap and they almost snap up Amanda when she nearly falls out of the tree Billy and Paul get her back up on the branch and the Raptors honk some words at each other they leave the clearing in a huff making sure to finish the job and actually kill you deskey before they go if they can't have him no one can turns out the raptors were shouting no we got Alan Grant in the house and they surround him getting ready to have a good Sam meal but then a bunch of smoke grenades land around them like they're on de Isla Sorna and they run away grant is rescued by a little vent Annette look in Jungle lad who leads him away through the trees the kid is Eric Kirby of course and grant tells him that his parents are on the island together together yeah kid your elaborate Parent Trap worked just kidding Eric hasn't been parent trapping he's been fucking surviving feasting on what is that dog food and keeping smaller predators like these cute little copies away from the truck he's been living in by using t-rex pee as a deterrent actually yeah I kind of do kid cuz it seems like something impossible to do but fuck it let's just have a pee joke I guess who cares while grant gets to know their kid better the Kirby's have a boring-ass scene where they talk about how different they are you drive five miles under the speed limit ball and I've totaled three cars in three years looks like they're island time is bringing them back together but honestly who cares these characters suck the next day grant an Eric spot a boat that they figure would be mighty useful and getting off the Iowa on their way down to it Billy stops in his tracks when he hears a generic cell phone ring this might sound like phone yep apparently in this movie that's the jingle for his dad's store so Eric runs off into the woods screaming for his parents they hear him yelling and run out of the jungle so look great we got a real nice Kirby family reunion going on but when Eric says that he followed his dad's phone ring to find them Paul says that the last time he saw the satellite phone was when he gave it to Nash on the plane and you know what happened to Nash now just in case you thought you were seeing stuff I'm here to reassure you that yes you just saw a dinosaur jingle from its belly now he actually don't hate that gag it's pretty funny the spinosaurus chases grant and eric along the fence until they're able to find a gap and get through it the spinosaurus doesn't let that stop him though and simply bust through the giant fence that was specifically built to keep him out and yet when the humans reached this nearby building and locked the doors on and that's enough to turn him away yo JP 3 you making my brain hurt now that they have a minute to breathe grant discovers something rot a pair of eggs inside Billie's lucky pack hey hey this guy's stealing eggs he and egg see Billy took the eggs so they could sell them and fund the dig sighs since Paul Kirby's a fucking deadbeat but grant is still straight pissed at it instead of getting rid of them though grant decides to hold on to the egg so they can negotiate a peace with the Raptors later what if they catch us with them if they catch us with them well Hut is this like an in utero hostage situation now they head down some stairs to get to the boat grant and Eric's aw and we actually get a halfway decent sequence down here cuz grant realizes that they're inside a giant birdcage and don't look now but there's something in the mist and that something is a Pteranodon yeah it ain't technically a dinosaur but it's still pretty scary when it snatches Eric like a wig and flies away with him it drops Eric off to be baby food for its tyrannic heads and the infant pterosaurs chase Eric across a bunch of rock spires like he's in a level of Tarak dinosaur hunter Gilly realizes he's got redeem himself for being the ovary burglar so he leaps off a platform and unfurls the dinosaur glider then skillfully maneuvers that bad boy around until he's able to pick up Eric and an evac a flock of Pteranodons fly at them and their glider gets grazed so Billy has eric drop down into the river then rides the rest of it out right into a wall meanwhile everyone else is getting attacked by that first Pteranodon I think who winds up breaking all the platforms in the place and trapping itself under water with a piece that breaks off after Billy finally frees himself from the Paracel harness he's attacked by the pterosaurs in the water grant washes helplessly as Billy floats down the river getting pecked at by a pair of Pteranodon as a third one looks back like oh you want some of this too bitch crap does not so he leaves the four remaining humans make it outside of the birdcage leaving the pterosaurs behind they finally get on that boat and ride it down the river searching for the Colonel Kurtz of Soros but instead they find a bunch of herbivores in a repeat of the classic scene from the original movie epic music and all yeah maybe quit reminding that vastly superior movie jp3 you're making me want to turn this off and go watch it instead night comes and they hear the satellite phone ringing again but it's not inside the spinosaurus anymore by now it's been evacuated into one of these big steaming piles of shit they find the phone and grant bravely puts it up to his ear only to hear some kind of useless automated message and we get a totally wasted cameo by a Ceratosaurus who comes by to take one snip at them and then peace out no point to it at all except to make a shit joke I guess piss and shit jokes ladies and gents that's Jurassic Park 3 for you later on after it starts raining grant decides to use the satellite phones last bit of battery supply to call Ellie for help the little Charlie answers the phone instead and grant has to convince him to go find his mommy while he does that the movie references Spielberg's jaws as the Spinosaurus reenters the picture rising up out of the water and sending all the humans inside the boat safety cage the Spinosaurus River attack is another really great sequence helped by how good the dinosaur looks in the rain but it's intercut with Charlie running around looking for his mom and getting distracted by Barney on the TV so that kind of sucks my time he gets the phone to Ellie the Spinosaurus has already bitten into a fuel tank and is pulling the safety cage off the boat grant is just barely able to get out that he needs help on site B before they all go under the surface and thankfully that's enough for Ellie to understand the cage sinks underwater and Paul Kirby who had mentioned earlier that he was taking swimming lessons is the only one able to escape before the Spinosaurus pins it down against the bottom of the river Paul climbs a nearby crane and waves his hands at the Spinosaurus and a stunt that I was surprised to learn was done mostly by Bill Macy himself crazy the distraction works long enough for grant to find a flare gun underwater resurfaced and fire that bad boy straight at the Spinosaurus the flare ignites all that boat fuel that had spilled out and scares the Spinosaurus half to death fire bad then the crane that Paul's hanging from falls apart wait a minute steel beams don't melt at that temperature I think this was a ninja an inside job the Spinosaurus stomps away because he ain't about to stand there and get burnt and the Kirby family has a wet reunion hug that's mad still sucks for grant though who's stuck by himself with these shitty characters they hear the ocean and figure they're close to the coast but as they run for the finish line they're stopped by a whole bunch of velociraptors who Grant says would have killed them already if it wasn't for them eggs they packin the humans kneeled down in submission to the Raptors and one of them gets all up in Amanda's grill sniffing her hair a whole box what is that girl not that Herbal Essence grant Lutz that awkward moment go on a beat too long then takes out the eggs and hands them over to Amanda who returns them to the Raptors like here's her unborn babies back then grant takes out his Raptor Kazu to have fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun and starts screaming into it confusing the shit out of these Raptors what the fuck when did grant learn how to speak Raptor I don't remember that being an option on those Mosely Dave's the Raptors probably didn't even understand grant through that thick human accent of his instead they're more interested in some distant helicopter sounds they take off into the jungle but not before grabbing the eggs back leaving the humans behind to finish up the shitty movie they all run out to the beach where there's a David Lynch Ian shot of a man in a suit standing there by himself but turns out he's not alone the Navy and the Marines show up to rescue grant in the Kirby family remember how Ellie's husband works at the State Department yeah it's cuz we needed this to happen hope the Kirby's plan on paying back US taxpayers in one more ridiculous coda we find that Billy survived and is somehow already on the helicopter all bandaged and cared for even though we heard these choppers landing just a few minutes ago what the fuck ever the movie ends with the Kirby's apparently getting back together grant putting his hat back on and a close-up on a Turan attained as it flies through the sky at least this movie could do is give us a solid body cow but don't get your hopes up I'll show you why at the numbers that sound good to you buddy yeah that sounds pretty great dude you're a Carnotaurus you're not even in this movie yeah oh fuck you only six people died in Jurassic Park three even though they could have killed everyone but granting the kid and I would have been fine with it the victims like all JP so far were exclusively male but don't worry the reign of king blueberry is coming to an end soon with a spell run time of 92 minutes we had a kill on average every fifteen point three minutes I'll give the golden chainsaw for coolest kill to udesky cuz it's the most on screen real nice nasty neck snap there courtesy of the trapper after dole machete for lamest kill will go to Enrique and his helmsman who were killed in the beginning by who the fuck knows and Diamond Dino for coolest dinosaur sequence goes to the Spinosaurus attack on the river it's the best any dinosaur ever looks in the movie and it's got a nice little structure to it complete with the climactic water on fire ending so thanks for that JP 3 and that's it Jurassic Park 3 came out in 2001 and after this the franchise would lie dormant for over a dozen years when it reimbursed in 2015 it was no longer a Jurassic Park but the Jurassic world we'll be looking at that prat tacular picture next week but until then I'm James a Jenice this has been the killcam thanks a lot for watching this week's kill count I want to thank a couple of patrons like Alexander's Ercole Incline and Martin sand of all my dinosaur collection continues to grow and I got a nice little blue for the kill count next week as you're watching this I'm in San Diego for Comic Con if you're in the city or at the convention let me know we can meet up follow me on twitter at dead meet James and I'll announce a time and place for an official meet up there alright everyone be good people

Channel: Dead Meat

Views: 3,156,693

Rating: 4.9044027 out of 5

Keywords: jurassic park 3, pine commander boogie, cell phone, jaj, spinosaurus, dinosaur, movies, joe johnston, franchise, films, kills, alan, series, pteranadon, jurassic park, bill macy, 3rd, sequel, tea leoni, kill count, raptor, DMKC, body count, velociraptor, dead meat, trevor morgan, scary, alessandro nivola, t rex, dinosaurs, jurassic world, grant, sam neill, horror, michael jeter, talking, william h. macy, james a. janisse

Id: Y_pKk1paIgk

Length: 18min 33sec (1113 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 20 2018