IELTS TOEFL Writing Full essay (high score)

hi welcome to right to top comm I'm Adam and in today's video lesson what I'm going to do with you is I'm going to write a complete essay for the task 2 of the IELTS and or TOEFL English tests now you're wondering how can I do both at the same time there are very different tests well what I want you to understand about writing especially writing essays is that the approach the way you're going to proceed from beginning to end is more or less the same regardless of what test you're taking IELTS TOEFL CAE me lab TOEIC all of them have the same approach to the essay the only thing that's different for example between IELTS and TOEFL is the length of the essay TOEFL is a little bit longer and the time that you have to work with TOEFL again you have 30 minutes I'll - you have 40 minutes to write your essay so a little bit of time management is the only difference that you need to worry about but that's down the line what I'm gonna do today I'm gonna take you from understanding the task to planning to writing the introduction the body and the conclusion okay and I'm gonna show you actually two versions of this of the essay I'm going to be working on I'll show you a TOEFL length one and the same essay the same question IELTS version a little bit shorter so let's get started with the essay task many people believe that the increased presence of violence in films and television these days is responsible for the rising incidence of violent crimes among youths in society they argue that governments have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this phenomenon do you agree with this argument so first of all you have to understand that you're gonna face many different types of questions today we're looking at the agree/disagree question a look at make other videos for a different question types but you should get to know these kinds of questions now the key here is do you agree with this argument so the first thing you need to understand is that there are two parts to this task the first part starting many people believe until youths in society what is this sentence telling you really all it's telling you is some people's opinion there's nothing to be argued against or for here because you can't tell people that their opinion is wrong that's what an opinion is it's a belief it's a thinking it's a way of looking at something and if somebody has this opinion okay they're allowed to they're entitled to have this opinion you're entitled to have yours so the question is in the second part of the task they argue that so here they're presenting you the test is presenting you with the argument that you're gonna have to agree or disagree with okay they argue that governments have a duty to control the media this is the actual question this is what your essay is going to be about it's not about whether there's violence in films and whether there's violence among youths and society that's not the question the question is should the government censor the media to try to reduce this phenomenon okay so now we understand the question next thing we're gonna do is plan now I must tell you that I've seen many many test takers read the question they come to the test they read the question they start writing an essay it's almost guaranteed that you will not get a very high score why because you're gonna get lost somewhere along the way of your writing you're gonna lose focus you're gonna lose track of your ideas you don't have your reasons so in the middle you're gonna start thinking and then your ideas are gonna take a different path from where you've come from in the introduction and wherever you got to in the body so very very important that you plan now part of the planning is again understanding the question so what I do this is the way I like to plan you can plan any way you like you can set it up any way you like as long as it helps you when one like once you're in the essay you can go back and look at your plan and make sure that you're still on the right track okay I like to make a circle I'd like to put my main topic my general topic in the middle if there's a subtopic for example violence my main topic is government control my subtopic is violence I put that in the middle I take a minute or so I think about words or ideas that I can think about and I write them around the circle and then I go to my actual question yes to government control no to government control now the key here is not to try to answer the one that you believe don't try to argue what you believe argue what comes to you first argue the ideas that are easier okay if you can come up with no reasons faster than yes reasons then write them down and that's gonna be your essay and that's fine the greater is that these tests they're testing your English they're not testing your intelligence all they want to know is that you can deliver an idea and you can make an argument in a clear and understandable way that any reader can read and understand basically so I went for yes and no and I had more ideas for why there should not be government control or government censorship so censor censorship is a bad thing you can't control everything even if the government controls the media it doesn't mean they're gonna stop anything right there's jobs and education that came up as an idea and parents roll I forgot the s there but parents are there and this is where my essay is going I have my main idea I have my opinion No or my argument no I have my main reasons now I'm ready to start my essay now another thing to keep in mind about this plan this plan you should basically just translate into your introduction paragraph let's look at that okay so now we're looking at the introduction paragraph now the way I'd like to approach it is first of all you're gonna have three to four sentences and it doesn't matter what essay you're writing it doesn't matter what question type you're dealing with answer these four questions in your introduction and basically your introduction and your whole essay is set this is the roadmap that you will provide the reader to follow your train of thought to the conclusion okay in the body you're gonna obviously develop these ideas so first what is the topic now when I say topic keep in mind topic and thesis your opinion are two different things topic is the general idea so again government control that's the question that's what we're looking at here and violence if you want to include that so government control or society and violence what is the actual question or debate so should there be censorship should there not be censorship by government on media what is my opinion what do I think and why do I think so now a lot of other teachers will tell you have two sentences to say what is the question what is your opinion and that's it the way I like to do it like this is to give you and your reader a road map as I mentioned before if you can answer all these questions and put them into a clear introductory paragraph basically you're gonna follow your own road map and not get lost along the way in the body ok so let's look at each of these individually what is the topic here's my opening sentence very general youth violence is a shared social problem that's it am i giving you any details no am i giving you any reasons any opinions any argument no I'm just telling you what the topic of this essay is it's violence social problem okay now social already gives you the idea of you can involve the government but again I'm looking at the minor and I'm going to the major topic okay next what is the actual question many people thus propose they suggest that governments need to tackle this issue fight or deal with this issue by controlling the media whom people see as responsible for inciting this violence through films and television so many people think that the government should control the media because people think that it's because of the media that there is violence in society okay kids sees things on TV or youth kids the same thing see things on TV they see things in films they see violence and then they go act out that violence so we should control that or governments should control that my opinion now ideally you can combine your opinion and reason into one okay now when I say why I don't want you to give me very detailed reasons I want you to give me the general reasons that you will develop in your body paragraph again by doing it here in the introduction a you don't get lost as you're writing your body paragraph you already know what you're going to say because you said it in the introduction and to or B the reader knows exactly what is coming so you'll get your flow is much better for the reader so while you are undoubtedly swayed by external influences I disagree that it is a government's obligation to censor the entertainment industry so first the most important part here I disagree that it is the government's obligation to censor there's my opinion rather it is up to society itself to handle the matter why is it not the government because it's society's problem society should deal with it not the government now this is not telling you much of anything it's telling you my opinion my general reason in the body I'm gonna basically expand I'm gonna develop both of these ideas I've already given a little hint of what's coming they are undoubtedly swayed by external influences I mean many things control what you do and think remember in my plan and in my reasons no I said they can't control everything the government can't control everything there are many influences on young people now another thing you want to notice here I'm using some high-end words suede for example is a high-end word sensor is a high-end word if you had in if you know it before I use propose instead of suggests I used in citing these are all high-end words now I know these words okay so I know how to use them if you're not 100% sure of the word you're about to use don't use it better to have simple words and be correct in your delivery of your message then have big words and make a mistake and not be clear to the reader okay so now I'm going to show you both of the versions of the introduction the first one 67 words I would use that for my TOEFL and now here because again some teachers want you to have only two sentences here's an example for the IELTS half the words almost half the words 36 you violence is a problem that many people blame on the media which they believe should be supervised by the government I disagree with this idea and believe instead the society itself should fix this problem am i saying anything different no I'm saying the exact same thing I'm saying it very short I'm gonna spend more of my energy and more of my words in the body which way you want to go up to you if you want to do the first one for IELTS as well great make sure that you actually finish your essay in time otherwise it's a bit pointless okay let's move on to the body okay now you're getting into your body you don't need a transition for the opening body paragraph why because your introduction basically is the whole transition you're introducing what this essay is going to be about the body you just dive right into your arguments make sure that your paragraph has an introductory statement a topic statement that basically gives the reader an idea of what this paragraph is about and again remember one paragraph has one central idea make sure you don't go off on a tangent you don't go completely random ideas make sure everything flows from beginning to end today's young people may be influenced by many things from films to websites to their peers so right away I'm gonna talk to you I'm gonna write to you to the reader about the different external influences on youth again where am I going with this is that the media is not fully responsible it's not solely responsible there's lots of things that influence young people so it is unreasonable then so then connect this idea that whatever I said in the first sentence is unreasonable connects it to the next part it is unreasonable to to single out films and sitcoms as a main influencer of violence so what am I saying there are a lot of things that influence young people you can't just blame out you can't single out only films and sitcoms TV shows as the main influencers in other words so now what I want to do I want to expand on this idea I want to put it into other to fully explain what I'm thinking here kids may see violence and kindness greed and generosity and all other human behaviors in pretty equal measure everywhere so saying that kids only see violence on TV but they also see romantic movies ready to see comedies they see happy people they see generous people they see kind people it's not all about violence a little bit of everything is everywhere that's where I'm getting with this idea okay they can witness all of these things in one news broadcast or viral YouTube clip just as easily as they can in an action flick so all of these emotions the kindness the violence they can see it in a movie sure they can see it in a TV show of course they can also see it on the news you always see things on CNN for example that are bad news somewhere somebody's killing somebody or some people are killing some other people YouTube why did I put YouTube in here because I love you to know YouTube is a concrete example of where young people may be influenced outside of films and television YouTube is the next media you can call it that but that wasn't really part of the question was it okay so YouTube is my concrete and action flick I don't want to say movie again or film flick casual it's okay to use slang as long as it's appropriate to the dialogue or to the conversation we're having here therefore I'm drawing a conclusion within my paragraph okay and I'm also linking my sentences there for blaming the entertainment industry is not only unfair it is also wrong in that it ignores the root causes of certain social behaviors so now I'm gonna i'm starting my move away from the entertainment industries from the movies and TV shows and i'm starting to look more at the social behaviors okay again why am i doing this you'll see in the next paragraph where i changed my focus so you know social behavior so now my last sentence is basically tying up this paragraph and connecting the whole essay so fired together to suggest that the government can control this is to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves so now I connect it all back to the government and saying that the government can't control what influences young people this was part of my introduction it's part of my thesis and I'm preparing myself for the next paragraph which is going to talk about what social responsibility our responsibility looking at the root causes of violence or other social behaviors so right now this paragraph is completed opened up nicely it gave the main meat of the argument and it closed up nicely and set up the next paragraph let's look at that next paragraph okay so now I'm looking at the next paragraph and I put the last sentence of the first body paragraph here I want to show you how I make that link how I introduce a transition into my second body paragraph this is key you must have a transition to your next body paragraph because you are shifting focus you're going to be looking at another part of the argument that you're making you need to tell the reader that you're changing focus how do you do that with a transition I used indeed now indeed means I'm reinforcing the last idea other transitions are on the other hand however another reason etc lots of different transitions you should study those but it make sure that it fits what came before it okay so indeed a government role is not to act as parents to its citizens but to maintain order and provide the tools for society to thrive it should not tell people what they can and cannot do so this is a bit of a long topic sentence but it's okay in your second body because again I'm making the shift so the government to suggest the government can control this is to avoid taking responsibility indeed it's not the government's role it's not the government's responsibility to act as people's parents right so there's my link right there I'm taking the last idea I'm reinforcing it at the beginning of the sentence and then I'm what is my topic for this paragraph people's roles and the government's roles what is their duty right so their duty is not to act as our parents their duty is just to make sure that we have a good country to live in a safe country a good infrastructure good economy all these things okay so the government should not tell people what they can and cannot do that's not its duty on the other hand here I have another transition and you're thinking well you I had one before it was indeed right here I'm sure if ting focus again but I'm not shifting focus of the argument I'm not talking ability I'm shifting away from the who has the responsibility so on the other hand parents can and must oversee what their children are exposed to be it online in a movie a book or any other source so what I'm saying here is that it is the parent duty not the government's duty the parents duty to control what their kids are exposed to they can see violence in movies but they can easily read about violence in books lots of violent books out there they can see it on the Internet lots of act they have lots of access to violent images violent texts violent anything right they can even be influenced by their friends who are not online not on media no control there consequently means as a result parents must decide whether they want their children to watch a horror film so again I'm putting a concrete example horror film the parents should decide if the child's you see that not the government it is not for governments to ban studios from making it so a government can't tell the studio you shouldn't make this movie because this child might see it and act violently no the parents should just not let the child see the movie okay now whatever you thinking all parents have no control or parents this and this is not the issue here you have a very limited space to make an argument don't worry about being intelligent don't worry about be obviously be a little bit intelligent but you we're not getting into a very detailed argument here you're presenting an argument you're supporting it that's it again remember English test not opinion not intelligence tests furthermore now I'm adding something once we allow the government to engage in censorship in one area it will be free to act in all spheres of our lives because negative influences are everywhere and have always been so so now if we let the government control one part of our life eventually they're going to try to control all parts of our life because it violence is not only in the media they can control violence in the media that can control violence on the streets they can try to control everything which we don't want to happen okay restricting people's access to media will not stop violence it's part of human nature I didn't write that here but we all understand violence will happen whether you see it on TV or whether you don't okay in fact it may increase it may increase it it's being violence as citizens begin to fight for their freedoms so once the government tries to control everything that's when people will start to become more violent because they will fight for their freedoms if the guy if somebody is trying to take away your freedom you're gonna fight for it right you're probably going to be violent in doing so so there's my body paragraph two I have the word count down there you can look at that as well let's look at our conclusion okay so now we come to the conclusion the conclusion should be very simple one two sentences at most once you get into your third sentence you're already getting into trouble because there's not that much to say all you want to do is restate your thesis say again what your opinion is don't use I or me or my you don't need to use the pronoun I again just come out and say the actual thesis itself the opinion itself in a statement okay and highlight your reasons one sentence two sentences okay in conclusion social behavior patterns are impacted by many things including but not limited to media products in society should take control of this so again I'm going a little bit backwards I'm saying that society should control what we see what kids see governments should not be allowed to restrict what film or TV companies produce there's my opinion again there's my thesis very clearly expressed I've already given you the highlights because they will then have to spread their control to all areas of society again I could shrink this but I'm thinking TOEFL TOEFL more words IELTS fewer words okay so now you've seen the whole thing now I'm going to show you two versions I'm going to show you this essay that we have just gone through this is the TOEFL length essay remember TOEFL you need more words to get a high score so it's a little bit longer I'm gonna show you the full essay you can press pause on your video player and read carefully through the essay then press play again and you can see the IELTS version there is the TOEFL version you can press pause read it carefully we just went through this whole thing together but this has 383 words okay that's a good length for a TOEFL if you can make that in the 30 minutes by all means try to again with TOEFL more words does help one of the graders I'm one of the graters for your essay is a computer so they like word count the other grader is a human so they do balance out but the more you can write well the better here is the IELTS 300 words so eighty three words fewer okay but again saying the exact same thing some shorter sentences maybe I cut out an example here and there but essentially it's the same idea okay 300 words should be your minimum for IELTS 250 words is your official minimum 250 words you're not gonna get a seven and a half banned it's not enough to do that it's not enough words to develop an argument right so when you're done with that we're done basically there's your full essay from beginning to end this of course will get you a high score if you can write like this high end vocabulary some good sentences good sentence structure sentence variety you have your introduction your body your conclusion you have your transitions lots of linking words in between all of these things are very important come back again soon you're gonna see a video on how I score an essay I'll go through the process of showing you what test-taker did well what he did not so well the score he got so I'm gonna show you I'm gonna edit it but that's another video come back for that I hope this was helpful to you if you like this video please give me a like on YouTube please subscribe to my youtube channel it's new but it's gonna come a lot it's going to come with up with a lot of videos very soon I'm gonna do regular videos I'm gonna try to help you write better pass your test even if you're not taking a test writing is a tough skill to master laws to learn loss to practice but you will get it eventually okay if you have any questions please go to my website right to top calm you can join the public forum there if you have any questions about this video please ask there you know talk to each other help each other answer each other's questions ask each other your questions I will also contribute of course and come back again soon I know I'll see you again for the next video bye bye

Channel: Write to the Top

Views: 1,780,519

Keywords: IELTS, TOEFL, How to write an essay, writing task 2, TOEFL 30, IELTS band 9, writing, essay, essay sample, agree/disagree, English, English writing, english test, langauge test, IELTS writing, essay writing, TOEFL independent essay, learn english, learn english online, IELTS writing task 2, TOEFL test, IELTS score, IELTS TOEFL, TOEFL score, academic essay, writing skills, teacher Adam

Id: lNeHfQBSebY

Length: 25min 47sec (1547 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 20 2016