-Alright. We're checking out
the only game where you get to begin the endless cycle of pain
as an unborn child. It's Happy Wheels. Supposedly, this is the like
longest pogo run ever made. I understand why. Went from like new born to like
mostly born to one year old-- was that a noobler? A noob?
A better noob? Bad pro. Why even have the word pro there,
if you just suck anyway? All right. Pro, better pro. Oh, yes, we're running it now.
Super pro. Hell, yes.
Trained by pogo master. Nice. Do I win? Oh,
and now actual pogo master. What the hell? What kind of
staircase cancer is this? All right. Whatever. I mean,
they did say it was like the longest, so-- oh, my god. It's like getting over it.
There we go. Oh, yes. Here we are. Pogo mountain noob? No. Do I have to do that
every single time? Pogo mountain pro,
Pogo master's master, and finally the top of the mountain. Can this end? I guess I did this to myself
considering I was like, "Oh, the longest pogo.
Oh, no. Back to being an unborn child. Can I go backwards? No. Ugh, god. Wow. I hit that leg so hard that
both of my feet fell off. This level is unbelievably evil. All right. Back up to pogo mountain. At least I don't start
at new born again. Does this frigging mountain have like
blades on the top? Pro master. Oh, the danger cave. I feel bad because
I wanna complete this level, but I can't not go
into the danger cave. Oh, yes. We're just going to worm
our way in there. Nice. What could possibly be here? Danger you say? Ha.
Oh, yes, here we go. Just pelvically thrust my way in,
as long as my spinal column doesn't miraculously shoot out of
my ass everything will be just fine. There we go, Uh, bleh.
There we go. Take that danger-- oh. Okay. This pogo level is turning out
to be a lot more treacherous than I had previously anticipated. Ahh, ooh. Ow, stop it. Ooh. God, how did I get over this
without getting sniped in the face? There we go. All right.
I just got to go. Go. Nice. [laughs] Right, now,
hopefully there's just a-- oh, god, uh, son of a bi-- The danger cave was such
an amazingly bad idea. Oh, oh, there it is.
I did it. I got to the end of the danger cave. Yes. Did my pogo stick just spontaneously
explode? Yep, sure did. At least it got to the end with me. I always knew physics was a bit--
and now you can too. If you've ever dreamed of bludgeoning
your friends to death with ridiculous voiced over
animated emojis by me-- I always knew physics was a bit-- you can do it since
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each week that I do, where last week we did me
doing face camera actions to my oldest videos, and now the God tier
gets six custom emo jams, and we're going to have
one new emo jam every single month. Until either we run out of ideas
or they beg us to stop making them. The emo jams can be used with
all your favorite messengers, and since they have both sound
and animation, you can ruin people's lives like- like 5D chess style. All right. Now [?] I'm coming. Since I did have to at least complete the final climbing.
Jesus, how long is this thing? I'm starting to-- no.
Uh, uh. If I- if I slide
all the way back down, I'm going to cry softly until-- oh, thank you, Jesus, I can see
the light at the end of the tunnel. I was going to say,
after doing the danger tunnel, I had thought that that would be
much worse than this, but it turned out to be
a little bit better. Booya. This is called spike fall impossible. Mostly I noticed that it says there's
nothing down here, so I have to-- oh. "Try to get the coin." Hmmm. Um, sure. Yup. Ah. If I get rid of all my legs,
it'll be easier. All right, there we go.
Get rid of the segue. Oh, god.
Why does my arm pop off? Son of a--
All right. Listen, remnant of arm. You're making this
unusually difficult on me. Stop it. There we go.
Oh yes. Oh, look at the-
look at the strength. Look at the- ugh. Look at the upper body
strength of Nixon. Go, you wily bastard. Why can I not pull myself
through this? Oh, my leg is infinitely caught
on my own segue. How did I do this? All right.
Let's try that again. All right, land.
Ouch. Ugh.
I'm not doing this again, leg. Get off. Let go. God, there's one little leg tendril.
It won't go away. Damn it. All right, squat.
There it is. Perfect. All right. Now.
Segues drive me frigging crazy. All right,
here's what we're going to do. I'm not going to hit there. If the segue isn't here
in the first place, I'm not going to have to
deal with it. Perfect. Okay. Now.
Now up. Why is the segue coming after me? The segue is like,
"Don't you leave me?" No, way, just let me have this. This is very, very traumatizing. It's very, very concerning that
I haven't even gotten to the spike fall yet. Okay. Now,
while part of my anus may get penetrated,
it's okay. Whoa. God, this looks very,
very dangerous. Okay. This is unbelievably infuriating. Here's the plan. I'm going to lead with my balls. That's always the right answer, lead with the balls. All right. Well, now I guess
I get to see the actual spike fall. Well, this seems a lot easier than what I just went through to
get that coin. Yay. Oh. Winning. Winning more. Uh. Okay. This actually is a little bit
hard because of the angle, but limbs are temporary. Victory is forever. Thank you,
YEETmaster69696969-. Uh, yes. One of the rare instances
where you get to understand what it's like to go to space. Yay. This is called Satan's Van Run. Do I have to- do I have to
have Satan over for dinner? Can I-- Oh. All right. Guess I'm having Satan over for
dinner. Later, Tom. Yes. I did it. This is called
Glass Breaks You. Welcome to my glass break, Gray. Is there a way out?
[audience gasps] Yes, there is.
I'm so happy that-- oh, apparently there is no way out. All right. We're right back to
the beginning. Here we go. How did you fail on this?
I haven't yet. A little hard, missing one of the ts,
but that's not a big deal. Average hard, more speed. Ah. I'm a beautiful butterfly. There we go. I knew I could break it
if I used my face. Right, now, I can use a lot of these
shards of glass to break-- nope. Never mind. You know what?
We're just going to do it. Oh, yes.
Oh, we're doing it. Uh. Glass breaks you--
give me the-- oh, my god. All right.
Now, luckily the glass is moving
counter clockwise. This is always a benefit to us.
Maybe not to Tom. Tom, tell me how fast the glass is moving. Tom is like, "Very fast."
Excellent. All right. Good job. Now go.
Go where? Up. How did I not get that win? All right. Now, I have a feeling
I knew what I did wrong last time. Part of what I did wrong
was failing to dine on shards of glass. I was going to say,
"I need to use my son as a-- like a cushion, almost." Bam. Okay. Th- Those shards of glass
are very, very pointy. There we go. Yes. Yes. Ow. Glass doesn't break me.
Glass breaks my son. Ah, there we go.
Got rid of my arms, and ye-- ow. Why? What kind of boards
are you people making me-- Ah, there, you're coming with me,
giant pane of glass. You're gonna take
all the damage this time. Yes. Yes, You didn't expect this, did yah? Ah. Watch this. Boom.
Ha ha. Bang. Got it. Although the big problem is
once I get to the final spiny thing, it is possible that
the glass could move so fast that I get killed by a wayward shard. I'm sure it'll be fine.
All right, here we go. Glass doesn't break me, glass breaks glass. Yes.
It's like glass-ception. Yeah. Over this. Ah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Got it. Kingtortor. That was a king torture.
This is-- Ah. I was gonna say it's called
rope swing barbaric. Oh, no. I'm gonna die
as Indiana a lot. Ah-- what the hell. Are those like yellow bowling balls? All right, here we go. Got it. Flip, full swing, arms out-- Oh, hell, yes. Oh, that may be too far. Ah, ha ha, I was right there.
All right. Grab, flip, penis.
All right, Indiana. You gotta-
gotta work with me here, brother. Perfect. No. When they said
barbaric for this, do they mean like the theme
or it is barbaric as in it beats the hell out of you the player? Whoa, please, yes.
Oh, my arm. No, I'm right there.
[crying] This is brutal. Yes. Go, my son. Wield the power of untold masochism. Perfect, okay. And then, ah, it's that
third swing that'll get you. All right, you gotta go
into this first one kind of timid. There-- or not, I'm not gonna lie, I have met the golden bowling balls
of death a lot today. Yes-- I'm screwed. You know what, go ahead,
yellow balls, you can have this one. Tuck, spin, grab. Tuck-- ah, this-this rope swing
is unbelievably evil. Okay, nice. Okay nice, nice, no. Oh, no. You have to grab
these things so perfectly. Okay, there, that's too low.
Grab it. Let go now, maybe? Not good enough.
I know why I'm only wearing one shoe, I ate the other one
in an attempt to kill myself. There it is. Oh, please,
please give it to me. Ah, come on. Okay drop down. Oh, yes. I got it. Okay, drop down more-- Oh, I've gotta figure out a way that, uh, to like pendulum my body over there. There it is.
We're getting there. Yes, yes. Okay. I can do this.
I can do this. Okay, I'm here. I just need to climb my way up. Okay, I'm-- oh, oh, oh, let me in.
Yes, holy crap. Ah, I almost fell off this platform.
If I had fallen off that pla-- oops, how'd that--
Are you serious? No. No. This is legitimately the most insane--
Oh, there we go-- rope swing I have ever played.
Okay, so we know that there's going to
eventually be the 'bulsh' box. All right, so I need to
get ready for this. And now, there. No, pull yourself over. No, no, no. Why, why,
why there's nothing there. There there's nothing to grab on.
What is happening? You know it's bad when I can
now do this gigantic rope swing pretty much first try every time. Okay there, grab and up and over. Yes, right there.
I always get stuck,. Yes. Okay, arms out, arms out,
arms out, arms out, arms out. Perfect. Yes, yes, yes. Ah. Why do I feel like there's
a distinct lack of friction here? I seem to be swinging and
I'm not swinging any less over time. All right,
I'm just gonna- I'm just gonna pray. Ah. For the love of all that's holy,
all I need to do is get past the-- Oh, oh, yes. All my limbs, grab the rope, slide off. Now we're gonna nice and
limberly fall. Not yet. Oh, piss.
All my limbs again. This time I'm going to fall
when I say I'm going to, and woo, whoop. Perfect. Yes. Okay, jump, grab, swing, lean, jump, grab, swing, lean, jump. I'm dead. Never mind, I'm alive. Hold on and wait. This is my-
this is my new best right here. Now drop. You wouldn't screw me,
would you? I'm really concerned that if I drop there's
just gonna be s- Oh, I did it. I did in fact land on
10 million spikes, but I did win. Oh, my god, that was awful. I had to check something
real quick after dealing with that insanity because I could have sworn-- hold on,
let me show you. Yeah. I could have sworn that
right here I saw the ooze. Yeah, there's something hidden here.
Okay, oops. Yeah. What else you got? "Looks like you didn't grab the rope." Yeah. I'm gonna get hit with like
10,000 missiles, aren't I? "Might consider tab r..." not a chance in hell,
I've come this far. I want to know what there is. I don't care how long
I have to swing here. I'll do it until the end of time,
damn it. Oh, I almost gave up.
There is something here. "You really still doing this?" Yes, I am. Realistically,
I have a feeling like this person would know, I mean. All right, I'm pretty concerned now,
I've been holding on for a really long time and I haven't seen
any additional text so. I think maybe there
there wasn't anything at the end. Well, nothing other than like me randomly getting berated, but I still made the level. I mean, really. Okay,
there is more text. I knew it. Okay, fine. Just promise to use
the the next time. There's a secret win, yes. Holy crap,
you had to hang on forever. Welcome to glass break, you're in. Oh, well, that sucked. Two seconds in and I lost my son. Ah, not really sure why the background is quite so lemon-lime
Gatorade flavored, those are a problem,
or is it? Ah. Oh, yeah, what the holy hell. Looks like an entire kitchen of
cutlery stuff waiting to kill me. Ouch, [screaming] stop it. Oh, damn it.
All right. I was right at the end, we can-- My son's still alive,
that's interesting. We can totally do this. Just go. Ah, just go. Ah, and now. Perfe- ohoho, these levels are, uh, a real pain in my ass today.
Well, there goes my helmet. [screaming] It's got open heart
surgery performed on me. Somehow I lived. I don't need arms where we're going, which is hopefully to
the freaking finish line. All I'm doing is pushing
this pane of glass. There we are. Ah, look at that. 2 billion IQ. Why you shooting
at my disembodied elbow? I mean, I guess it worked out
really good. All right, ready, and now. Ah, deflection, deflection. Ouch, oop, that was my knees. Ah, I hurt my balls. All right, I think I need to like
bend forward to get under this, but the problem
is that giant shard of glass is gonna rip my freaking head off.
How am I supposed to do this? All right. Let's do this without
getting decapitated. Nice, there is a very,
very strong kink in my neck. Oh I completely stopped
the battle-ax. Well, good for me. Oh never mind. Yay, Ah, you lied.
That was not the end. Oh, I can-
I can jump over this. Yay, I did it. I did it with a crossbow ball lodged
in my vertebrae, how about that?
Oh, my god, what the hell? "Help me. Plankton breaked
the psychic hospital. They want Prang "The Krusty Krab". You must be killed there.
What? This level was not made for
any sane mortal. Luckily it's me, so it'll be-- Ah, a freaking ninja. Oh,
he killed himself. Well, that makes my job very,
very easy. Oh, my god.
Rocket powered jellyfish, was not expecting that.
How about you, Mr. Thing, do you have like a giant harpoon
comingout of your ass? You do, don't you? Whoa. Okay, this is the most
violent sponge bobbing I've ever seen in my life. Is there like oh, ah, [laughing] some freaking jellyfish with
a spike on it. You know what, we're just
doing this. We're doing it. Full speed, go, go. Don't worry about the jellyfish. Go, go, go, ah. Oh, I did it. Oh I'm-I'm descending into darkness. Ah, suck it. I did it,
I get a crab burger. And a life of regret and
psychological trauma. Anyway, folks, hope you enjoyed
this episode of Happy Wheels. Until the next time, stay foxy.
Much love.
