All right.
We're checking out the only game where you have to ride
a rocket-powered toilet through a tube of poop
in order to find some toilet paper to remove your lifelong anguish. It's Happy Wheels. I'm not kidding. That's the description
of this board. I don't know what else to say. Did that just say
these poop walls are tasty? Man, these are some HD flies
this guy has on this board. This is incredibly difficult. All right, hobo. Nice and slow. Mmh. God. It's like flying up
through a damn liquid. There we go. Aha. Ah, crap. This is legitimately
the first time in Happy Wheels I've ever had to maneuver
through a poop tunnel on a rocket-powered toilet. Holy crap. There's a-- You gotta be kidding me. No. Oh, I'm still alive. Come on, baby. Go, baby. [grunts] Yes. Yes. Oh, piss. I'm almost there. All right. The key here is
to do this slow and steady, like a smooth firm poop. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Look at that, right there. It's perfect. Excuse me, flies. I got things to do
and over this way. All right, now kind of
slow down, slow down. There we go. Oh, I'm-I'm so dead. Oh, Nope. Never mind. Totally still alive. And around this way,
and it's a bit on that way and kind of angle downward. Oh my God. I'm getting very close to being
involved in imminent death here, but-- Oh, fu-- I'm not gonna lie,
your poop board is a real pain in my ass. I wish I could say
there was no pun intended. Actually, it was impossible for me
not to make a pun here. Okay, I-- [chuckles] This is a new skill in Happy Wheels. I'm like kind of glad,
but also very depressed that I ended up
having to learn this. All right, down-down-down. Down. Pretty difficult to fight against gravity
with poop. There we go. Hey. All right, now slow. Yes. Up. Oh, yeah.
Oh, we're Happy Wheelsing this. And we have a winner. This was magical. This is called Gray's Whiteboard. This feels too close
to academic pursuits. I'm outta here out. Ow. Hey. Everyone knows that a perfectly
balanced dinner involves watermelon. Oh, they're fake watermelons. I will never forget this betrayal. All right, right on the marker. No big deal. Okay. That's right, Tom. If I had to guess you are totally going
to survive-- [screams] "You need to pass these balls." It's like passing a kidney stone or--
All right. Oh, I better pass these balls alone. There we go. Hey. I'm just checking real quick. Hold on. [grunts] Oh, you actually can't get past the balls. There's an invisible wall.
Fair enough. This is called Gray's Trials. "Hello, Gray. This is my first level." That's usually code for,
"You're going to hate your life," and whoa, there are spikes there. Okay. I think I can-- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. You know what, Tom? You first, buddy. Whoo. And I think daycare is safe now. Let's see what's down here. Ow. Oh, there's nothing down there,
but sadness and giblets. All right, Tom, you go have fun. All right. Let's see what you got. "Please spare me." I don't know.
Can I make it over you? If I can make it over you,
you may live. If not, I'll probably rip your head off
with my tires. Oh, he lived. Ahh, the bottle run. No problem. Oh, God. Oh, it's a rocket run. Are you serious? I made it all the way
to that just to die? You know what, Tom?
We're gonna do this together. Excuse me, son. Whoo. All right. Bottles, rockets, glass break. [laughs] Ah, yes. All the trials. Go. [grunts] Skip. Oh, my son almost killed me. I mean, that happens a lot, but really? All right. Sorry, man. Bottles, jets, glass, oh, my God. Okay, I'm at the glass break. I've gotten rid of my son. Dammit.
It's this damn child safety seat. That's getting in the way now. [groans] God. It's fine. I'm fine. This last piece of glass. Okay. Maybe if I go here and then-- [grunts] Finally, my seat couldn't make it. What the hell? "Now destroy Tom. Kill. Spare." Oh, what the hell? I didn't press kill. Spare. [screams] [laughs] Damn. This is one of those rare instances
where everyone wins. This is called Bottle Run Hard. No way out. All right,
I guess we're bottle running. Here we go. All right. It looks pretty bottle runny so far. Nothing I haven't done. Oh crap. All right, looks like we're gonna need
a little bit more speed, here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry, son. You didn't need that arm anyway.
Got it. Just another instance where I've been told
to have a wonderful day and maybe go outside
and touch some grass. As you can see, my helmet has left my body which means that the rest of my giblets
are not long for this world as well. My heart slowly rolling backwards. Oh my God, my head just exploded. My heart now following
a rolling chunklet as we race
upon the tootsie roll speedway to hell. I can't read the rest of this because the-
my damn victory symbol's in the way but I'm glad I make your day better. It's time for dad's adventure. "Hello, it's me banana_milkshake." What a fantastic game. No way out, apparently. There is some
very fluffy clouds here. Oh god, I'm so dead right now. Never mind, I'm fine. Oh, piss. Ah, the old reigning battle axes. I should have known. All right, now if I just touch it,
just lightly. Gotta lightly touch the battle axe. Watch. Boop. Ah, see? All right. And now boop. There we go. Haha. Evil melons. Like, are they animated
or are they just there? Because I love melons. Oh, evil pineapples. I love all the evil fruits. Yay, I got the treasure map. This is called, You Will Die. That's the name of the board. There's no other context. I guess I'm going this way. Well, the board was right, I just died. All right, can I die this way? All righty. Oh. Ah, I see. Okay. There we go. I jump over that. Oh, nope. Really? Is this a real thing
that's happening right now? How are you supposed to win? Go. All right and then go backwards.
Backwards. Backwards. Yes. Yes. Time for a yellow
urine-flavored bottle run. Aah. Oh, no. Urine bottle run. I can't believe I failed that. That should have been
an easy win there. This is called Gray's Hell. It says, if you play this,
I'm truly sorry. Oh, are you? Oh, I'm dead now, or am I? What the hell? I-- Now I'm dead. I-- Maybe I can do this. Hold on. All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I just gotta contortionize my torso through my ass. [grunts] Oh, God. Oh, my pelvis is not supposed
to turn that way. [groans] Oh, there we go. All right. Now up, out, thrust. Up, out, thrust. Up, out. Come on, baby. Thrust. Dammit. You know what,
I'm gonna try this this way. And yeetilydeet. Oh. Come-- I'm- I- I'm grabbing nothing. I don't know how this is happening. Um, I'm just gonna go ahead and fall and then hope I can do this right. So fall, yeet, yeet upward. Probably lose my face. Oh, shi-- I'm fine. This is okay. I'm fine. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, are you kidding me? Come on, dad. Come on, dad. Come on. Get there. This is such a pain in the ass. Ouch. [sighs] We're gonna stay
close to the wall. This is the plan. Oh yeah. Oh, it's good. [screams] Huh, one of my arms is in my neck. Nope. One of my arms
is now in the blades. This seems so easy
and yet it's a very special hell. All right, head first, how about that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. It's all right, I didn't need that leg. I didn't need the other leg either. I didn't need that spleen. Okay, both of my feet made it
or one of my feet. I thought I had a second one there. Whoo, and we have-- Really? You cheap bastard. Wow, you legitimately put
an invisible wall the whole way around. All right, you cheaty bastard. I'm just going to double-check to see
if there's any way I can cheat this win. Oh, you put an invisible wall
around the bottom too. You gotta be kidding me. Okay, touché. I just wanna let y'all know,
I was actually trying to shove my head underneath the invisible wall. You can't do it. Look. Okay. Did you give me
at least a real win? Here we go. I don't think you did. Oh, oh, oh no. Oh, yes. [groans] There we go. Is that a bunch of ex--? Yup, that is a bunch
of levitating explosives. Um, hmm. All right. Yeet. There we go and through the blades. "You will need--" There's another invisible winning air. Are you kidding me? You son of a bi-- Okay, on the spikes. Did you give me at least one real win? Come on,
if you've put me through all this, give me one win, just one. Yes. Thank you. That's getting saved. This is called Spike Fall Impossible. You know how we deal with that? By never even trying. All right. I thought if I didn't try,
I wouldn't be disappointed, but I am. So I've got to do it.
I'm not gonna live. All right. Go slightly faster. Take two. [groans] This is not impossible. We can do this. Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna die a lot,
but that's the Sayian way. [groans] Getting closer. Come on, Nixon, you can do it. Seriously, one of my legs
actually touched it last time. Nixon. Ow, I'm still alive. My lower hand is still
for some reason, like, you know, caressing the blade. Oh yeah. Oh, that's death. You know what? I'm gonna jump off this Segway. That was a bad idea. Or was it? Ow. Yeah, perfect fall. This is called Car Equals Car. What the hell was that? What the hell? You know what?
We're going, we're leaving. I don't know what that was,
but we're leaving. Over all the melons. Okay. Through the pitchfork, through the domestic violence,
through the bad parent, through, I don't know,
like my neighbors? Man, it's very difficult
to get over this lady. You know what, we're gonna do it this way,
whatever, it's fine. This is a car. It can- it-- We don't have to drive this normally. I got a dude stuck in the wheel well. Oh, yeah.
Oh, we're gaining speed now. Where's the end? Susie, you're-- Oh, no. Oh, we won. And my head turned
into a car ornament. This is called-- Ouch, what the hell? This is called Escape the Impossible. All right. Oh. Oh, I escaped, I did it. I escaped the impossible. Supposedly, there we go. There's the other ending. I was gonna say, supposedly,
there's another ending. This is called Gray Proof. "Hi, Gray, this is--" Okay. Anyway,
they said I'm a cheaty bastard and they made it Gray proof. Okay. Oh, ow. Oh, my organs.
All right, you go first, Tom. Oh, shi-- There we go. Okay, that explosion should mean
that I'm fine now. And boop, I lied, I was not fine. Ow, my arms. You know what?
I'm gonna do it on the damn bicycle. How about that? Yeah, go. Boop. Oh. Okay. How about this? Tom's gonna go first and then-- Oh, I'm dead. Oh, never mind, I'm alive. I was gonna say Tom's gonna go first
and then I'll do it on the bicycle. God, if I can slow myself down
a little bit. Hey, hey. Okay, Tom, then me. And then keep it nice and slow. Nice and slow. That is a lot of organs hitting me. Yeah, bring it on. Bring it on. I'm GrayStillPlays.
I'm GrayStillPlays. Oh. Oh yeah. What time is it? What's time-- Oh, I'm dead. Oh, no, I'm still alive. Really? [screams] Ah, I did it. I did it. I'm licking my own toes, but I might still be able to win this. Yay. All right. Time to see
what the Gray Proof part is. Bottle run. Okay. Ooh, oh piss. Oh, this is so bad. Ow. Okay, now, obviously,
the very first part of this, the question is,
can I just cheat this? And the answer is yes,
you should have made it more Gray proof. What the hell was that? What the hell was that? Okay. Off of this, onto this. Am I supposed to go somewhere
or what is this? All right. How about
if I go over this a little bit slower? There. Perfect. Got it. Gray Proof, eh? [laughs] Yes. Ah, yes, the opportunity
to finally use the Hulkbuster. How I've waited for-- Oh, this is very slow. The Hulkbuster is-- Ow. I just got stabbed by a random guy
with a battle axe. Who attacks the Hulkbuster
with a battle axe? I-I am at a lost
for so many words right now. Why is Slenderman moving
with a gigantic rocket up his ass? Why is a random guy over here? Why is there a stick man? Why does the Hulk have
a handful of flaming Dorito's? What is happening? All right. You know what?
I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go.
All right? You know what? Oh, my God. Oh, what the hell? What is happening? What is happening? Um, you know what? Sure. Oh, crap.
I can't get over the freaking Hulk. God, he's just cream of wheat
to kinda boost me up. Oh, piss. Ow. I've never thought
that beating the Hulk and Slenderman would be
so damn difficult. Don't you do it, Hulk. Don't you do it. This lady and her inability to go forward on this damn
jazzy power scooter is driving me crazy. You know what? Hold on.
There. Can I do this? [groans] I'm gonna ride this can
of mayonnaise to the wind. I'm not giving up. I don't- I don't care what it takes. I will reach my head
between the Hulk's legs and take that damn coin, so I can finally be at his level. Let me have this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, God. Uh, I'm moving the Hulk. I'm literally-- I did it. My ass grabbed the coin.
[laughs] What the hell? Well, I think this teaches us
to never skip ass day. Anyway, folks, hope you enjoyed this
episode [chuckles] of Happy Wheels. Till the next time. Stay Foxy and much love.
