All right, we're checking out
the only game where the best way to die is while using the toilet,
it's the Toilet Chronicles. This game's supposed to be
a horror about being on the toilet but I'm gonna tell you
I don't feel that pressure at all. I don't feel the pressure of blood
rising up from the ground either. Oh, that's interesting,
I don't have a body, I'm just two pairs of--
I'm just like a pair of le-- Tentacle, just opened up my stall.
No, God. What I was trying to say while my stall
got violated by a piece of calamari is that was the cleanest stall
I have ever seen in my entire life, definitely since I was in Boston. Oh, apparently we all have to vacate
because of weakened structural integrity. Honestly, if your toilet
can survive a crack, then it can survive
pretty much anything. I lost my magic marker. If there's one thing I love it's vandals
with a fantastic sense of humor. Do I have a reflection?
Try F. I think the thing that
this game doesn't understand is that I'm so inept
that I won't even know that I'm supposed
to be scared by a horror game. That is the best-drawn water
I have ever seen in my life. I love how the rest of
the game is graphics and the water is like straight out
of a Spongebob cartoon. Ah, Dr. Shepper, a perfect blend of
25 different flavors of fecal material. Now if you don't know, if you're ever
concerned whether or not your dryer is getting up amperage, you can always
put your tongue on the open wire. Here let me show you.
[smack lips] Yeah, it's about right.
Oh, God. "I'm not that stupid to try that again." [laughs] You must not know who I am.
[grunts] Oh, I literally died. "You killed yourself. Now the mysteries
of this place will never be solved." Oh, there's 12 different
ways I could die? Challenge accepted.
Attempt number two. Can I pick up the Dr. Shepper? I thought perhaps
that would end up murdering me as well. Who fixed it?
Oh, well, does that mean I can't put my tongue back on it?
Does it work at least? No? "Wash your hands,
don't steal the restroom supplies, don't destroy the toilets,
you're being watched." Define steal. There's something here
in the trash I can pick up. Well, I think I just beat it downward
so far that I can't get it now. I'm sure it's not that important. We care about our customers. It's a patriotic tentacle. It says four and a half stars,
would poop here again. "Have you seen this man?
This man is a war criminal." It looks like every stick
figure I've ever drawn if I could draw it slightly
better than I do right now. Stop with the F already.
They are really abusing the tentacles. Try F. Okay.
"Better lock the door." I don't--
Why-why can't I leave it open? I love that, oh, I can swing
my entire torso 360 degrees. That's hot.
What's great about this is I have a-
I have a roll of toilet paper but I actually have
a secondary roll of toilet paper. Like someone threw away an entire
fourth of a roll of toilet paper. "Press C to cry."
[laughs] You got it. [cries]
I'm just sitting on the toilet, the door's wide open randomly crying.
This is a top-tier game. This is what I always wanted
from my horrors honestly. If you're waiting to hear me scream
from some kind of jump-scare, it's not going to happen
because I'm going to forget, but I won't forget to cry. Well, I guess I can't get murdered
without privacy, so there you go. "Chapter 1, hand."
I don't have any hands. If the chapter was leg,
I would be able to-- [music]
So is that sound effects or is that something
going on in the- or is that something going on
in the stall next to me? Hey, buddy, any chance
you got some, um, toilet paper? That is an entire hand just right
underneath the toilet stall. His hand is actually so far over
he could almost touch my foot. That is very concerning. The sad part is I do actually
have extra toilet paper, but you're not getting it for free. You gotta work for this stuff, okay? Do you know how much I went
through to get this toilet paper? Like first I had to pick the right stall,
then I had to cry for a while. I kind of wonder if crying
will just make his hand go away. Like listen, I'm busy weeping,
can you stop trying to massage my calf muscles, please? He's like, "I will wipe with one
of your shoes if I have to." Did it say I can just leave? It definitely said I could just leave.
Here we go. But now I kind of want
to come into his stall. Like he tried to violate me.
Looks like someone is in there. [door knock]
"Someone is destroying a toilet." Did it say destroy? More, more. I'm GrayStillPlays,
don't you underestimate how many times I'm prepared
to knock on this door. [music]
Just for the sake of argument, I put an auto clicker on
just so that I could knock on this door like 500 times
to see if anything would happen. [door knock] All right,
this guy has more patience than I do. The hand is still there.
Hold on, can I step on the hand? Can I jump on the hand?
Can I close this door so I can get a better handle on the hand? There we go.
Heer, if you push hard enough, I think I can actually
jump into your stall. Ready?
One, two, three, come on, baby. Get me there.
He's like, "Your shoes are so soft." Yes, they're patent leather. Well, if I don't die, I feel like kind
of a-I feel like kind of a failure. Maybe I can die out here. "You left the restroom
without destroying a toilet." That's another ending.
That's ending zero. Attempt number 3.
I wanna destroy this toilet. There's no reason two people
can't simultaneously destroy the toilet. All right.
Start crying, lock the door. So do I have to give him
like the bad toilet paper? Can I give him
this good roll of toilet paper? Do I have to be on the toilet
while I'm giving him this toilet paper? Maybe I just click on him
to give him the toilet paper. Ooh, oooh, ooooh. Whoop. [laughs]
Um, is that what I think it is? Yeah, just use the wide end.
All right, or don't. Well, let me see what else
is around I can give this guy. Hey, you like slope up? This side.
Is that what I think it is? Yes, everything that I'm giving you
is exactly what you think it would be. You're not getting this toilet paper. Actually, I need to move this.
Hold on, you sit there. Now, I can finally grab
whatever was in here. "I belong in the trash.
Right-click to zoom." I don't know why I would need
to zoom this much more than it is. Also, I have fantastic fingernails. I'm hoping that's ink and not just
someone with no fiber in their diet. Actually, yay. Well, you-you didn't--
You gotta grab it there, buddy. All right, or I guess
you can just leave it there. I love how the game tells me that
I failed because I didn't destroy the toilet when all I was doing
was keeping the restroom clean for their convenience
by not destroying the toilet. How about this crushed can? All right, what we're gonna do
is put that in there, fill her up. That's hot.
That's nice. You could probably use this
like a makeshift bidet. Is that what I think it is? You are really
high maintenance, you know that? This guy is impossible to please. All right, now, just-just to try this, we're going to take the toilet paper, and I am going to give him
soggy toilet paper. Oh, yeah, there we go.
I want to lube that up. Okay. What if I just throw it over?
Like can I just do this? "Sorry for interrupting your gameplay, but what you just did
could break the demo. Please don't do that again."
[laughs] I can't be stopped. I'm GrayStillPlays.
Oh, well, I guess I can be stopped. That looks delicious.
Oh, I'm being crushed alive. I'm being crushed by the very thing
that I would always order over at [laughs] the Pad Thai
place that's right near me. "You got crushed by a tentacle. Now the mysteries
at the place will never be solved." I feel like they absolutely
just got solved. Step number four.
Oh, boy. All right, buddy, do the thing. I forgot, I gotta give him
the, uh, the war cry. [cries] There we go.
Gotta let him know I'm in here. All right, so what we're gonna do
is we're gonna open the door. Here we go.
Now we're gonna give him the toilet paper for the first time ever.
Thanks. Anything? Am I gonna get-am gonna get violated? Oh, the clock is made
of sadness and blood. Did he just vomit part
of his organs out? Hey? You okay? No? Oh, it's like test
answers for the midterms. Sweet. "Don't show them, wet it." "Okay, that's just a bad writing."
A bad writing. No, saying that- [chuckles] saying
that is a bad writing is bad writing. Don't show them what? I'm assuming he means
the toilet paper. I hate to tell you good,
sir, but I have no ability to understand puzzles
like in these games at all. If I throw this at you,
does that also like break the game? [grunts] Come on, baby,
just slight-slight over. Oh, yep, sure does.
[explosion noise] I don't care. Oh, the door is gone.
Tastes like bacon. Waiting on you.
All right, I'm gonna put it there and now all he has to do is just
reach out, [sighs] Seriously? Now I have to get up,
I have to grab the toilet paper because I literally gave it to you
and you backhanded my gift away. Thanks.
You're welcome. Do I have to go around to get the thing or can you just slide it
under the toilet? Also, while--
Don't leave. I didn't even have
to pick that up to read it. I kind of knew what it meant.
"Too bad I can't read." [laughs] Oh, GrayStillPlays. So what if--
Obviously, I'm going to leave, hold on. I can't.
Goddamn, I am really just terrible at-- [gasps] [laughs]
The game actually crashed. Like it full-on crashed.
[laughs] All right, we're back. This game is probably like,
"Look, I never thought someone would have so much trouble
with Chapter 1." Don't leave. So I already left,
so if I don't pick it up, is that okay or--?
Like will the game break? "Make him leave, telegram."
A telegram? 1908. I love how you can see
my hand and the Telegram, but you can't actually
see the rest of my body. I would give that to him,
but it would just break the game again. Can I take this off the--
[crash sounds] Well, [sighs] whoops.
Hey? [coughs] Yeah, don't you cough at me. What is this?
"Don't show them, wet it." No, you gotta-you gotta leave, man.
Do you have something for me? Well, I mean, the administrator
said you have to leave. And I need a different
way to die in the game. Get out. Got another
toilet paper over here if you do. Oh, wow. You actually can just
give him another toilet paper. Hold on, let me try something. There you go.
No, all right. This is why I don't play basketball. There you go.
Wow, okay. Zero for two.
Let's go for three, yeah. Thanks.
Did you forget your magic marker or--? Hello? [door knock]
What else could you want? I'm out of toilet paper.
Here. Here's this clock. Hold on. Put that in the-put
that in the water too. I'm just washing it off for you, okay? Wouldn't want you expose
to any unfortunate germs. There you go.
Oh, you don't want that, huh? You're not even gonna take that?
[laughs] Okay. [music] [door knock]
Thanks. Oh, he actually did take the can.
Like he really wanted the can this time, but now the can's not
a problem or what? I'm just gonna give him
everything in the entire bathroom. You can have it all,
I'm not using it. Thanks.
Thanks. What are you doing with all these stuff? What the?
Huh? I love that. Just the re-- [laughs]
I'm actually levitating on the-- Look at it, it's moving by itself. It's the clock.
It has special spectral power. [laughs] How about
the "I belong in the trash thing"? Come on,
it's-it's literally almost there. Take. Take. Hm? Take. Is this because I'm taking
too long in the toilet? Look, man, I'm trying.
Oh. Oh, oh. Huh, I-I keep on thinking
it's actually something in the game trying to kill me
and it's just the-- Really? Oh, maybe I'm suppose
to wet the actual note. Could try that I guess.
All right, what's the secret here? Ah, all right.
We jump up here, here we go. Uh, "They watching."
[laughs] Oh, wow, they really are watching.
Did you just polaroid picture me? [laughs] The sad part is
I actually can't show you what's in this polaroid
because YouTube will hate me for it. Do you have something for me?
I do have something for you. Oh, I can actually
take pictures with this. That's fantastic.
[background noise] Oh, is that a grenade
just chilling out there? It is. It's a literal grenade. Hold on, and a stock
full of toilet paper. Kill him.
[chuckles] Okay. Right-click to pull the ring. So if I don't pull the ring
and I just give it to him, what happens? Um, uh, is that what I think it is? If you're not gonna use that,
can I actually have that back? Hey, hey, try blowing up that wall. Here. Which wall?
This wall? Eh, I'm sure it's fine. Yeet. Pro-probably should've thrown
that a little bit further. I know someone out there
right now is like, "Gray, was kidding
about how inept he is." Oh, really?
I love how my stupidity, though allows me to find all the different
endings in a dumb game like this. All right, I'm gonna angle this down. Watch this.
Watch this right here, okay? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's--
This is totally working. Hold on and boom.
Here you-you give it a try. Maybe you'll be better
at it than I am. Here you go.
You can't take it? Come on, man.
[screams] All right, let's see if I can be
less of a screw-up than I was last time. Oh, this thing
actually fell completely off. Maybe now I can give it to him. Polaroid, you're always
such a disappointment. There we go.
[explosion noise] Hey. Oh. Just pretend that--
T-pass. T. Just pretend that
there's a wall here and enter the void. You got it.
Does it count? Oh, it does t--
It does count. I mean, can I go around in the void? Do I get to see the entire,
like, game back here? Hey, is it safe out there?
Y-yeah. I was-I was kinda hoping to go to the-- Oh, I think I won.
That's unfortunate. Hold on, we're-we're
doing something else here. I do wanna blow that guy up.
You know it's a GrayStillPlays video when murdering someone
is on my-my bucket list. Oh, yeah.
Look at all this toilet paper. I'm just gonna keep giving it
to him just to see what happens. Like how much does
one man need technically? Like what are you doing in there? I will give you every single piece
of toilet paper in this entire bathroom. I got one roll left brother.
Are you done yet? You've been wiping for like 35 minutes. All right,
well, I guess murder's on the menu. [music]
Oh, I failed. Well. Yeah?
Do you have something for me? I did, but I kinda screwed it up. Oh, thank God.
There we go. [explosion noise] [party blower noise]
"You killed your partner." Just the fact that
he legitimately caught it while he was on the toilet
really impresses me. It was nice to finally
kill someone besides myself. Anyway, folks, hope you enjoyed
this episode of Toilet Chronicles. Until the next time,
stay foxy, much love.
