ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON "MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY & KAREN"... JIMMY: ONLY JESUS CHRIST CAN MEET OUR DEEPEST NEEDS. SO IF YOU WANT TO BE THE RIGHT ONE FOR SOMEONE LATER IN LIFE, YOU NEED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS, A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS. WE GOT MARRIED, WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING. WE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA ABOUT HOW TO BE MARRIED. NO ONE EVER TOLD US ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. AND I WAS A TERRIBLE HUSBAND. I WAS A CHRISTIAN. YOU KNOW, I WAS SAVED. BUT I WAS DOMINANT, I WAS VERBALLY ABUSIVE WHEN I GOT ANGRY, I GOLFED ALL THE TIME. WHEN I WASN'T WORKING, I WAS GOLFING. AND AFTER SEVERAL YEARS OF MARRIAGE, WE WERE ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE. AND, UM, MY WIFE WAS A PRAYING WOMAN. AND, UM, WE ALMOST--I TOLD KAREN TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE ONE NIGHT. AND I WON'T GIVE YOU ALL THE DETAILS 'CAUSE I WANT TO GET INTO A LITTLE DIFFERENT MESSAGE FOR YOU, BUT GOD MIRACULOUSLY SAVED OUR MARRIAGE. BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, THAT YOU CAN FIND THE RIGHT ONE AND YOU CAN HAVE THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS AND MANY OF THE PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW ARE FEARFUL OF MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF WHAT'S HAPPENING IN OUR SOCIETY. SO DOES MARRIAGE STILL WORK ANYMORE? LISTEN TO MY ANSWER. ABSOLUTELY, 100% OF THE TIME. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. YOU CAN MAKE IT IN MARRIAGE. GOD MADE MARRIAGE AND GOD NEVER MAKES ANYTHING TO FAIL. EVERYTHING THAT GOD MAKES, HE MAKES PERFECT, AND HE MADE MARRIAGE PERFECT. AND YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE. THE GOD THAT MADE MARRIAGE MADE YOU FOR MARRIAGE. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. AND YOU SAY, WELL, JIMMY, HOW--WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE FAILING IN MARRIAGE? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT DOING IT GOD'S WAY. THEY'RE DOING IT ANOTHER WAY. LET ME--LET ME JUST GIVE YOU SEVERAL--SEVERAL ISSUES HERE OF THINGS THAT PEOPLE ARE DOING THAT ARE CAUSING THEIR MARRIAGES TO FAIL. NUMBER ONE, THEY DON'T TRUST JESUS TO MEET THEIR DEEPEST NEEDS. SEE, NO HUMAN BEING CAN MEET YOUR DEEPEST NEEDS. ALL OF US HAVE 4 PRIMARY NEEDS IN OUR LIVES THAT NO PERSON CAN MEET. ACCEPTANCE, IDENTITY, SECURITY, AND PURPOSE. WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING, THAT WAS WHAT WAS DRIVING YOU. I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO PERFORM FOR IT. SEE, DO YOU REALIZE THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE US BASED ON WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW? DID YOU KNOW IF EVERYBODY KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT US, THEY MIGHT NOT LIKE US ANYMORE? BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT JESUS KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER DONE OR WILL DO AND HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE? THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL ACCEPTANCE. DOESN'T MATTER HOW BRIGHT YOUR TEETH ARE. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW GOOD YOUR DEODORANT'S WORKING. JESUS LOVES YOU ALL THE TIME. BUT PEOPLE ARE VERY CONDITIONAL. DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT? PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT IN THE WAY THAT THEY LOVE. BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A FRIEND IN HEAVEN. ON YOUR WORST DAY, HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. AND HE SAYS, "I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. I WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU." SOMEBODY SAY "AMEN." AUDIENCE: AMEN. JIMMY: GOD IS OUR BEST FRIEND. THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL ACCEPTANCE. IDENTITY. HE MADE ME IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. DID YOU KNOW THE BIBLE SAYS THAT TO HE WHO OVERCOMES, WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN, GOD'S GONNA GIVE YOU A STONE WITH YOUR REAL NAME ON IT? DID YOU KNOW THAT ONLY GOD KNOWS WHO YOU REALLY ARE? A WEEK AFTER I GOT--A WEEK AFTER KAREN AND I GOT MARRIED, THE LORD CALLED ME TO PREACH. AND I WAS SITTING IN THE BACKYARD OF OUR HOUSE READING, I THINK, A BOOK BY BILLY GRAHAM. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER. I DIDN'T KNOW ONE SCRIPTURE IN THE BIBLE. AND I SAW A SHEET DROP DOWN IN FRONT OF MY FACE AND I SAW MYSELF FROM BEHIND PREACHING TO A MULTITUDE OF PEOPLE. AT 19 YEARS OLD. THERE HAD NEVER BEEN A MILLISECOND IN MY LIFE I THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A PREACHER. TWO WEEKS EARLIER, I WAS A VERY IMMORAL, LOST PERSON. AND JESUS CAME TO ME AND SAID, LET ME TELL YOU WHO YOU REALLY ARE. PEOPLE CAN'T TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE. ONLY JESUS--JESUS MADE YOU IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB. SECURITY. I'M ONLY SECURE IN GOD. I CAN'T BE SECURE IN ANYTHING OTHER THAN GOD. GOD CAN PROTECT ME FROM ANYTHING AND ANYONE. MY SECURITY'S IN GOD. AND PURPOSE. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE TO MAKE MONEY. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE TO BE POPULAR. I WANT TO LIVE TO CHANGE THE WORLD FOR JESUS. I WANT AN ETERNAL PURPOSE. YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT KILL THEMSELVES, THEY JUST CAN'T FIND A REASON TO LIVE ANY LONGER. THEY GET DISCOURAGED, THEY GET DEPRESSED, AND THEY JUST--THEY CAN'T FIND A REASON TO GET OUT OF BED AND LIVE ANYMORE. AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHEN YOU LIVE FOR JESUS CHRIST AND WHEN YOU LIVE FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE REASON TO GET UP THE NEXT DAY. MY PURPOSE IS NOT JUST FOR MYSELF. MY PURPOSE IS NOT JUST TO MAKE MONEY. MY PURPOSE IS NOT TO BE WELL LIKED. MY PURPOSE IS TO SERVE THE KING OF KINGS AND THE LORD OF LORDS. AND THAT IS AN ETERNAL PURPOSE. [APPLAUSE] AND THAT'S A BIG PURPOSE. ACCEPTANCE, IDENTITY, SECURITY, AND PURPOSE. AND IF YOU DON'T TRUST JESUS TO DO THAT, YOU'RE GONNA TRUST PEOPLE TO DO IT. IT'S CALLED THE PRINCIPLE OF TRANSFERENCE. AND EVERY TIME YOU TRY TO GET A PERSON TO MEET THOSE NEEDS, YOU'LL RUIN THAT RELATIONSHIP. SO LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING. YOUR DAILY PERSONAL, TRUSTING, DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN YOU BEING A GOOD SPOUSE FOR SOMEONE SOME DAY. WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, THAT PERSON CAN'T MEET YOUR DEEPEST NEEDS. AND IF YOU EXPECT THEM TO, THE RELATIONSHIP IS SET UP FOR DISAPPOINTMENT, DISASTER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. SO YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE, BUT GOD HAS TO BE IN THE CENTER OF THAT MARRIAGE. AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT JUST HAVING A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU'VE GOT TO PRAY. YOU'VE GOT TO DEPEND ON JESUS. AND SO, A LOT OF PEOPLE, A LOT OF CHRISTIAN PEOPLE, THEY DON'T DEPEND ON JESUS. I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL SECURE. I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY. I WANT YOU TO ACCEPT ME. AND THEY GET INTO THESE FIGHTS OF, "YOU'RE NOT MEETING MY NEEDS." WELL, THERE ARE NEEDS IN MARRIAGE THAT WE MEET FOR EACH OTHER, BUT NOT THE DEEPEST ONES. ONLY JESUS CHRIST CAN MEET OUR DEEPEST NEEDS. SO IF YOU WANT TO BE THE RIGHT ONE FOR SOMEONE LATER IN LIFE, YOU NEED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS, A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS. LISTEN, ONE OF THE RED FLAGS, AND WE TALK ABOUT RED FLAGS IN THE BOOK HERE AND HOW TO KNOW THE WRONG ONE. BUT ONE OF THE RED FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS IS WHEN SOMEONE PUTS TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOU AND NEEDS FROM YOU THINGS THAT YOU CAN'T GIVE, THAT ONLY GOD CAN GIVE. SO ONE OF THE REASONS THAT MANY MARRIAGES FAIL IS BECAUSE THEY JUST DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS. NUMBER TWO, THEY MAKE--THEY MAKE MARRIAGE INTO A CONTRACT AND NOT A COVENANT. MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP. AND WE'VE LARGELY LOST THE CONCEPT OF COVENANT IN OUR SOCIETY. LISTEN TO ME. COVENANT MEANS TO CUT. YOU DON'T MAKE A COVENANT, YOU CUT A COVENANT. AND REMEMBER, WHEN GOD MADE MARRIAGE, HE CUT ADAM. SEE, GOD MADE--GOD MADE ADAM OUT OF THE DUST. WHY DIDN'T HE MAKE EVE OUT OF THE DUST? BUT HE CUT ADAM. BECAUSE COVENANT IS A SACRIFICIAL, PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. IT'S SACRIFICIAL AND IT'S PERMANENT. JESUS SAID THIS IS THE NEW COVENANT IN MY BLOOD. EVERY TIME YOU MAKE COVENANT, THERE HAS TO BE BLOOD. THERE HAS TO BE A SACRIFICE. SO IT'S A SACRIFICIAL, PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. IN OUR SOCIETY, WE'VE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A CONTRACT. LET ME TELL YOU THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CONTRACT AND A COVENANT. A COVENANT IS A SACRIFICIAL, PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP THAT I'M GOING TO SURRENDER RIGHTS AND ASSUME RESPONSIBILITIES. A CONTRACT IS A SUPERFICIAL, TEMPORARY RELATIONSHIP WE'RE I'M GOING TO PROTECT MY RIGHTS AND LIMIT MY RESPONSIBILITIES. AND SO, GOD SAYS--ON DAY ONE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, HEBREWS 13:5. ON DAY ONE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, HERE'S WHAT GOD SAYS. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. I WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN. "I'LL NEVER LEAVE" MEANS I'LL NEVER PHYSICALLY LEAVE. "I'LL NEVER FORSAKE" MEANS IN ALL OF ETERNITY, GOD WILL NEVER TURN HIS HEART AWAY FROM YOU. DAY ONE. GOD DOES NOT SAY, I'M GONNA SEE HOW GOOD OF A CHRISTIAN YOU ARE, AND IF YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD CHRISTIAN, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SOME REALLY NEAT PROMISES. ON DAY ONE GOD SAYS, I'M ALL IN AND I'LL NEVER CHANGE. AND I'LL NEVER PHYSICALLY LEAVE YOU AND I'LL NEVER TURN MY HEART AWAY FROM YOU. WHATEVER YOU DO, WHATEVER HAPPENS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, I'M ALL IN DAY ONE. A CONTRACT RELATIONSHIP SAYS THIS. WELL, LET ME SAY IT THIS WAY. WHEN A COUPLE--WHEN A COUPLE GETS MARRIED IN A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP, HERE'S WHAT THEY SAY, FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, FOR RICHER, FOR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH TILL DEATH DO US PART. THAT'S COVENANT LANGUAGE. AND COVENANT LANGUAGE SAYS THERE ARE GONNA BE TOUGH TIMES. I'M ALL IN. I'M HERE TO STAY. AND SO YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH TOUGH TIMES IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP. AND THE ONLY COMMITMENT THAT CAN KEEP YOU TOGETHER IS A COVENANT COMMITMENT. BUT HERE--HERE'S A CONTRACT. LIVING TOGETHER. LOT OF PEOPLE, THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER. WHAT'S WRONG WITH LIVING TOGETHER? 100% CONTRACT MENTALITY. AND HERE'S WHAT CONTRACT SAYS. WELL, I'M NOT REALLY READY TO COMMIT, LET'S JUST MOVE IN, LET'S JUST START LIVING TOGETHER AND KIND OF PLAY HOUSE. I WANT TO SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT TAKING CARE OF ME BEFORE I COMMIT. AND EVEN AFTER WE GET MARRIED, I MAY CHANGE MY MIND AND A BETTER MODEL MAY COME ALONG. SO WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON AND THEY WANT A CONTRACT RELATIONSHIP--YOU SEE, IN RELATIONSHIPS YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR. AND IF YOU WANT THE CHEAPEST, MOST FRAGILE FORM OF RELATIONSHIP, ENTER INTO A CONTRACT RELATIONSHIP. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. I DON'T WANT TO SACRIFICE MUCH, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY RIGHTS, AND I DON'T WANT TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY ON ME. I WANT TO LIMIT MY RESPONSIBILITIES AND I WANT TO PROTECT MY RIGHTS. COVENANT SAYS I'M ALL IN AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA HURT. I'M READY FOR POORER. I'M READY FOR SICKER. I'M READY FOR WORSE. I'M READY FOR ANYTHING. AND THE ONLY THING THAT'S GONNA SEPARATE US IS DEATH. NOT MURDER, DEATH. [LAUGHTER] I'M ALL IN. HOW MANY OF YOU ARE GLAD THAT WE HAVE A COVENANT GOD? AND WE'RE IN HIS FAMILY AND HE'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIS MIND. AND ON OUR BAD DAYS, HE'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIS MIND. AND WHEN WE GO THROUGH HARD TIMES, HE'S NOT GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND 'CAUSE HE BLED FOR US. HE DIDN'T GO TO THE BLOOD BANK AND BLEED FOR US, HE WENT TO THE CROSS AND BLED FOR US. AND THAT'S A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP. KAREN AND I NEVER TALK ABOUT DIVORCE. REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS, WE'RE ALL IN. AND A LOT OF THE REASON THAT MARRIAGE IS FAILING IN OUR SOCIETY, GOD CREATED IT AS A COVENANT. IT ONLY WORKS AS A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP. NUMBER 3 REASON THAT MARRIAGES FAIL IS BECAUSE PEOPLE BREAK THE LAWS OF MARRIAGE. UM, THE LAWS OF MARRIAGE ARE IN GENESIS CHAPTER TWO. I HAD NO IDEA THAT THERE WERE LAWS OF MARRIAGE. AND BY THE WAY, LAWS CREATE ORDER. I'M A PILOT, I FLY A PLANE, AND THERE ARE LAWS OF AERODYNAMICS. IT CREATES ORDER. THERE'S--THERE'S NO CHANCE A PLANE'S JUST GONNA FALL OUT OF THE AIR. IF YOU FOLLOW THE LAWS OF AERODYNAMICS, FLYING IS THE SAFEST FORM OF TRANSPORTATION. MARRIAGE IS THE SAFEST RELATIONSHIP ON EARTH. TODAY. WITH ALL OF ITS WARTS, YOU CANNOT FIND A RELATIONSHIP ON EARTH TODAY THAT IS SAFER THAN MARRIAGE. AND WHEN YOU DO IT GOD'S WAY, IT'S 100% SAFE BECAUSE THERE ARE LAWS. WELL, WHERE ARE THE LAWS? GENESIS 2:24 AND 25. "THEREFORE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE. AND THEY SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. THEY WERE BOTH NAKED, THE MAN AND HIS WIFE, AND NOT ASHAMED." WELL, I HAD NO IDEA THAT THOSE WERE THE LAWS OF MARRIAGE. BUT WHEN GOD CREATED MARRIAGE, THIS IS RIGHT AFTER GOD CREATED ADAM AND EVE, THIS IS WHAT GOD SAID. FOR THIS CAUSE, A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER. THE LAW OF PRIORITY. MARRIAGE HAS TO BE FIRST. OK. FOR THIS CAUSE, A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER. YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE. WELL, WHEN KAREN AND I GOT MARRIED, I GOLFED. AND WHEN I WOULD COME HOME--AND I WAS A VERY GOOD GOLFER. AND WHEN I CAME HOME FROM PLAYING GOLF, KAREN WOULD-- RESENTED IT BECAUSE I GOLFED ALL THE TIME. WELL, MY MARRIAGE WASN'T FIRST. I WAS BREAKING THE LAW OF PRIORITY AND IT ALMOST DESTROYED OUR RELATIONSHIP. LISTEN, MARRIAGE HAS TO COME BEFORE CHILDREN. MARRIAGE HAS TO COME BEFORE PARENTS. MARRIAGE HAS TO COME BEFORE CHURCH. MARRIAGE HAS TO COME BEFORE FRIENDS. MARRIAGE HAS TO BE FIRST. IT'S THE FIRST LAW OF MARRIAGE. LAW NUMBER TWO. FOR THIS CAUSE, A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE. WELL, THE WORD "CLEAVE" DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IN OUR LANGUAGE, BUT IT MEANS TO PURSUE WITH ALL OF YOUR ENERGY. WE'RE COMMANDED IN DEUTERONOMY 5 TIMES TO CLEAVE UNTO THE LORD OUR GOD. MARRIAGE IS WORK. YOU HAVE TO WORK AT MARRIAGE. A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK, WELL, IF I MARRIED MY PERFECT SOUL MATE, THEN I'M JUST GONNA WAKE UP EVERY DAY AND HALLELUJAH, HERE IT IS. IT'S...IT JUST FEELS SO GOOD. OHH. I DON'T HAVE TO WORK AT THIS RELATIONSHIP 'CAUSE I FOUND MY SOUL MATE. WE MATCHED IN ALL 1,300 CATEGORIES. [LAUGHTER] LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU MARRY YOUR PERFECT SOUL MATE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORK AT THAT RELATIONSHIP. IT'S LIKE ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE. IN WHAT AREA OF LIFE WOULD YOU WANT TO GIVE SOMETHING NO ENERGY AND EXPECT IT TO SUCCEED? THERE'S NO OTHER AREA THAT WE APPLY THAT PRINCIPLE TO EXCEPT FOR MARRIAGE. AND SO, I'M SAYING MARRIAGE IS WORK, BUT IT'S GREAT WORK. WHEN YOU WORK AT YOUR MARRIAGE, MARRIAGE THRIVES. AND BY THE WAY, THE REASON THAT YOU FALL IN LOVE IS THAT YOU WORK AT IT. YOU KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. YOU KNOW, YOU SMELL GOOD, YOU LOOK GOOD. YOU, YOU KNOW, PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. YOU PURSUE EACH OTHER AND YOU FALL IN LOVE. HOW DO YOU FALL OUT OF LOVE? YOU JUST GIVE UP, TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED, STOP WORKING AT IT. AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE, HONESTLY, THEY THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG IF THEY HAVE TO WORK AT THEIR MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE IS WORK. GOD SAID IT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. GOD SAYS THAT FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE. THEY TOO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. MARRIAGE IS ABOUT SHARING EVERYTHING. IT'S CALLED THE LAW OF POSSESSION. WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOUR SPOUSE. OF COURSE, I WAS SELFISH AND I WAS DOMINANT. DOMINANCE DESTROYS THE SPIRIT OF RELATIONSHIPS. 'CAUSE DOMINANCE SAYS I'M NOT SHARING, I'M IN CONTROL. I WILL NOT SHARE MYSELF WITH YOU, I WILL NOT SHARE DECISIONS AND IDEAS WITH YOU. KAREN AND I NEVER TALK ABOUT WHO THE HEAD OF OUR HOME IS BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST IS THE HEAD OF OUR HOME. AND EVERY SINGLE DECISION WE MAKE IN OUR MARRIAGE WE MAKE TOGETHER. AND WE DON'T BULLY EACH OTHER AND WE DON'T MAKE EACH OTHER PAY A PRICE FOR TELLING THE TRUTH. WE SIT DOWN, WE TALK, WE PRAY. AND EVERY--EVERY SIGNIFICANT DECISION WE MAKE WE MAKE TOGETHER, AND WE'RE ONE. THERE'S NOT ONE DECISION IN OUR HOME OR IN OUR FAMILY OR IN OUR LIVES, NOT ONE DECISION THAT WE DIDN'T MAKE TOGETHER. ANY SIGNIFICANT DECISION. SO WE'RE NOT DIVIDED, WE'RE TOGETHER. AND THAT'S THE WAY THAT GOD MADE MARRIAGE. SELFISH PEOPLE CANNOT SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE BECAUSE SELFISH PEOPLE WILL NOT SHARE AND SELFISH PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO COOPERATE, THEY WANT TO--THEY WANT THEIR OWN WAY. THE NUMBER 4 LAW, IT SAYS A MAN AND HIS WIFE WERE BOTH NAKED AND NOT ASHAMED. IT'S THE LAW OF PURITY. GOD MADE ADAM AND EVE COMPLETELY EXPOSED TO EACH OTHER PHYSICALLY, BUT ALSO MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY UNTIL THEY SINNED. AND WHEN ADAM AND EVE SINNED, THEY COULD NO LONGER BE INTIMATE, BUT THEY BEGAN TO HIDE THEMSELVES BEHIND FIG LEAVES. NOW HERE'S THE PRINCIPLE. IF WE'RE CAREFUL IN HOW WE BEHAVE AND WE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ISSUES, WE CAN BE INTIMATE WITHOUT FEAR. BUT WHEN WE BEGIN TO HURT EACH OTHER AND SIN AGAINST EACH OTHER AND DON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, IT'S JUST TOO SENSITIVE. I CANNOT OPEN MY HEART TO A PERSON WHO'S NOT CAREFUL. AND I WON'T OPEN MY HEART TO YOU BECAUSE THE THINGS THAT YOU SAY AND DO, AND YOU WON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. I WAS NOT A GOOD HUSBAND. I WAS VERBALLY ABUSIVE. I WAS DOMINANT. AND KAREN COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN ON ME. AND WHEN I CHANGED AND I REPENTED AND I BEGAN TO BE DIFFERENT, KAREN BEGAN TO OPEN UP. KAREN SAID SOMETHING TO ME ONE TIME WHEN I CHANGED. AND I HUNG UP MY GOLF CLUBS, I STOPPED GOLFING, I STARTED BEING A BETTER HUSBAND. AND KAREN SAID SOMETHING TO ME ONE DAY. AND I SAID, "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING THAT?" AND SHE SAID, "YEARS." AND I SAID, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" SHE SAID, "I COULDN'T." I WAS NOT HER SAFE PLACE. YOU SHOULD BE YOUR SPOUSE'S SAFE PLACE. YOU SHOULD BE THE SAFEST PLACE IN THE WORLD FOR YOUR SPOUSE TO BE ABLE TO SHARE. BUT THEY CAN ONLY DO THAT IF YOU'RE CAREFUL AND IF YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ISSUES. OK, SO THAT'S MY FIRST QUESTION. DOES MARRIAGE WORK ANYMORE? ABSOLUTELY. BUT JESUS HAS TO BE FIRST, IT HAS TO BE A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU HAVE TO OBEY THE LAWS OF GOD. NOW WHAT I JUST TOLD YOU THERE IN THE LAST 15 MINUTES, THAT'S 90% OF WHAT IT TAKES TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEAR MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE IS THE MOST SECURE RELATIONSHIP ON EARTH, BUT IT WORKS GOD'S WAY. YOU KNOW, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT MESSAGE. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE WAITED FOR SO LONG TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IN THE BIBLE, DATING ISN'T MENTIONED BECAUSE IN THE BIBLE, IT WASN'T PART OF THEIR CULTURE. THEY COURTED AND THEY WERE BETROTHED TO ONE ANOTHER BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED. AND SO IT WAS A VERY DIFFERENT CULTURE. YOU KNOW, WE'VE REALLY LOST OUR WAY IN AMERICA, REALLY IN MANY CULTURES AROUND THE WORLD. WE'VE JUST LOST OUR WAY IN UNDERSTANDING HOW TO MEET SOMEONE, HOW TO DATE THE RIGHT WAY, AND HOW THAT LEADS TO A MARRIAGE WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE A TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS ALL THE WAY BEHIND YOU. AND SO FOR SOME OF YOU, YOU MAY HAVE HAD SOME BAD RELATIONSHIPS. MAYBE YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE OR WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU HAVE A CHILD AND THEY'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE, OR WHATEVER, AND YOU WANT THEM TO BE PREPARED TO BE MARRIED PROPERLY. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT TO SUPPORT US HERE AT "MARRIAGE TODAY," I WANT TO SEND YOU THE FULL MESSAGE ON CD THAT YOU JUST HEARD PART OF TODAY. TREMENDOUS INFORMATION TO HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW GOD DESIGNED US AND HOW GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE AND HOW WE CAN ENTER INTO MARRIAGE PROPERLY. WE WANT TO SEND YOU THAT FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT. AND RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF $40 OR MORE, I WANT TO SEND YOU "THE RIGHT ONE" BOOK. AND THIS IS ONE OF OUR NEWEST BOOKS, TREMENDOUS RESOURCE TO HELP YOU TO BE PREPARED TO BE MARRIED. WE TALK ABOUT ALL DIFFERENT ISSUES IN THERE. PLUS I WANT TO SEND YOU THIS CD SINGLE AND A DVD SINGLE OF THE MESSAGE THAT YOU HEARD TODAY. AND RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF $65 OR MORE, I'LL SEND YOU "THE RIGHT ONE BOOK," PLUS THE CD AND DVD SINGLE, PLUS THE WORKBOOK. NOW, THIS WORKBOOK IS FOR A COUPLE, BUT IT'S ALSO FOR LIKE A SMALL GROUP. IF YOU HAVE A HIGH SCHOOL BIBLE STUDY, IF YOU HAVE A COLLEGE BIBLE STUDY, A SINGLES BIBLE STUDY, OR YOU JUST WANT TO GET A GROUP OF PEOPLE TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT DATING AND MARRIAGE, IT'S THE WORKBOOK IS THE PERFECT RESOURCE FOR THAT. LISTEN, WE HAVE WAITED FOR A LONG TIME TO BE ABLE TO EQUIP PEOPLE NOT JUST TO GET MARRIED, BUT TO DATE AND TO KNOW HOW TO WORK THROUGH THE PROCESS OF DATING AND COURTSHIP SO THAT WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU HAVE GOD'S FULL BLESSING AND YOU'RE FULLY PREPARED. THESE RESOURCES ARE TERRIFIC. WE WANT TO PUT THEM INTO YOUR HANDS. HERE'S HOW YOU CAN GET THEM. WOMAN: HOW DO I KNOW IF THE PERSON I'M DATING IS THE ONE I SHOULD MARRY? MAN: WHAT IS THE RIGHT AND THE WRONG WAY TO DATE? SECOND WOMAN: HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN I FIND THE RIGHT ONE? ANNOUNCER: FINDING THE RIGHT MARRIAGE PARTNER IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISIONS ANY OF US WILL EVER MAKE. AND IN "THE RIGHT ONE," JIMMY EVANS GIVES BIBLICAL, NO NONSENSE ADVICE TO SINGLES ON SUCCESSFULLY DATING AND MARRYING THE RIGHT PERSON. FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE CD MESSAGE "THE RIGHT ONE." JIMMY: DOES MARRIAGE STILL WORK ANYMORE? LISTEN TO MY ANSWER. ABSOLUTELY 100% OF THE TIME. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. ANNOUNCER: FOR YOUR GIFT OF $40 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU "THE RIGHT ONE" BOOK, PLUS JIMMY'S MESSAGE ON BOTH CD AND DVD. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $65 OR MORE, WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE "FINDING THE RIGHT ONE" WORKBOOK WITH DVD LESSONS. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SINGLE AND HOPING TO FIND A FULFILLING MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP, ORDER "THE RIGHT ONE" TODAY. [APPLAUSE] JIMMY: YOU KNOW, OUR PROGRAM AND OUR MINISTRY IS CALLED "MARRIAGE TODAY." AND WE HELP PEOPLE SUCCEED AT BEING MARRIED. BUT IT BEGINS REALLY WITH THE DATING EXPERIENCE. AND REALLY, UNTIL NOW, WE HAVE NOT HAD A RESOURCE TO GIVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR KIDS OR FOR THEMSELVES IF THEY'RE SINGLE TO HELP TO PREPARE TO DATE AND TO MARRY. AND SO THE TEACHING YOU JUST WATCHED THERE IS FROM GATEWAY CHURCH, THEIR COLLEGE GROUP. AND THAT WAS SIMULCAST ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO OTHER COLLEGE GROUPS. BUT WE WANT TO EMPOWER HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE-AGED PEOPLE, SINGLES OF ANY AGE TO KNOW HOW TO DATE AND MARRY. AND THE TRICK THERE IS THE BIBLE DOESN'T TALK ABOUT DATING BECAUSE IN THE BIBLICAL CULTURE, IT WAS COURTING AND BETROTHING, AND IT WAS A MUCH DIFFERENT CULTURE THAT INCLUDED THE FAMILIES. NOW, WE'RE NOT TRYING TO GO BACK INTO THE PAST AND BE PRUDES OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. BUT WE HAVE TO ADMIT, THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN RIGHT NOW. THE WAY THAT PEOPLE ARE DATING RIGHT NOW IN OUR CULTURE, IT'S BROKEN. AND IT'S BREAKING A LOT OF PEOPLE. THEIR BODIES, THEIR HEARTS. AND RATHER THAN PREPARING THEM PROPERLY FOR MARRIAGE, IT LITERALLY IS DOING THE OPPOSITE. IT'S BREAKING THEM SO BADLY THAT IT'S HARD FOR THEM TO BE MARRIED SUCCESSFULLY. SO WE TALK IN THE BOOK ABOUT A LOT OF DIFFERENT ISSUES THAT HELP PREPARE TO DATE AND MARRY PROPERLY AT ANY AGE, BUT WE WANT TO BEGIN WITH HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL GROUPS AND CHURCHES. IF YOU ARE A CHURCH LEADER, WE WANT--WE HAVE A WORKBOOK THAT GOES WITH THE BOOK, "THE RIGHT ONE," AND IT'S FOR HIGH SCHOOL GROUPS, COLLEGE GROUPS, SINGLES GROUPS, ANY GROUP, TO HELP YOU SIT DOWN AND TALK THROUGH THE ISSUES OF HOW TO PROPERLY DATE AND MARRY SO THAT YOU CAN DO IT PROPERLY WITH GOD'S BLESSING. SO, KAREN, WE HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FROM OUR VIEWERS. WELL, THAT'S A REALLY GREAT QUESTION BECAUSE WHAT--ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE DO IN THE BOOK IS WE TALK ABOUT EXPECTATIONS. UM, HAVING THE RIGHT EXPECTATIONS. WE TALK ABOUT RED FLAGS. YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE DATING AND YOU SEE RED FLAGS, HOW TO IDENTIFY RED FLAGS AND SAY THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG HERE. WE'VE GOT TO SETTLE THIS OR WE SHOULDN'T BE GETTING MARRIED. WE TALK ABOUT INTENTIONAL DATING, KNOWING WHY YOU'RE DATING. NOT--'CAUSE YOU SAY, WE ENJOY BEING TOGETHER, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S THE RIGHT ONE OR NOT. WE GO THROUGH SO MANY ISSUES IN THE BOOK. AND I CAN SAY THIS. IF YOU READ THROUGH THIS BOOK, AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND READ THROUGH THIS BOOK TOGETHER, YOU WILL KNOW, BECAUSE WE--WE BRING UP EVERYTHING IN THE BOOK THAT YOU NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT AND YOU NEED TO BE THINKING ABOUT. AND IF SHE'S NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU, YOU DON'T NEED TO SETTLE FOR THAT. BUT LET ME SAY THIS. YOU ALSO DON'T NEED TO WASTE TWO OR THREE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE BEING WITH THE PERSON THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT ONE. IF YOU'RE OF MARRYING AGE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE NOT WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, YOU NEED TO FIND OUT SO THAT YOU CAN GO AND CONTINUE TO PRAY AND SEEK GOD FOR THE RIGHT PERSON THAT'S OUT THERE. BUT WE DO ENCOURAGE YOU TO EITHER BUY THE BOOK, THE WORKBOOK, OR WHATEVER, BECAUSE IT WILL REALLY HELP YOU TO THINK THROUGH ISSUES THAT YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT NORMALLY. SEE, 33 YEARS AGO, I BEGAN IN MINISTRY AS A PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. AND WHAT I DID FOR A LIVING WAS TO TAKE COUPLES THROUGH PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING. 20% OF THE COUPLES I TOOK THROUGH PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING DIDN'T GET MARRIED. AND NOT BECAUSE I WAS A BAD MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. IT'S BECAUSE IN THE PROCESS OF THE PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING, THEY REALIZED THEY WEREN'T COMPATIBLE. I HAD PEOPLE BREAK UP IN MY OFFICE BECAUSE WE WOULD BRING UP AN ISSUE AND THEY WOULD SIT RIGHT THERE AND SAY, I'M NOT--WELL, IN ONE COUNSELING SITUATION, WE FOUND OUT THE HUSBAND WANTED--THE FIANCE, MAN, WANTED 6 CHILDREN, SHE WANTED TWO. AND SHE SAID, "I'M NOT HAVING 6 CHILDREN." HE SAID, "YES, YOU ARE." AND SHE SAID, "YOU'RE NOT HAVING THEM BY ME." AND THEY BROKE UP. IT WAS A DEAL BREAKER. 'CAUSE THEY WERE BOTH SAYING--WHAT IF YOU DON'T DISCUSS ISSUES LIKE THAT, AND THEN YOU GET MARRIED AND FIND OUT, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE 6 BABIES AND YOU DON'T WANT TO. SO THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS LIKE THAT WE NEED TO DISCUSS. BUT "THE RIGHT ONE" BOOK IS A GREAT RESOURCE TO HELP YOU THINK THROUGH AND TALK THROUGH ISSUES SO YOU DON'T END UP MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON. AND WE HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION'S HELPFUL TO YOU. LET ME SAY THIS. EVERYTHING THAT WE DO HERE AT "MARRIAGE TODAY" IS FOR THE PURPOSE OF HELPING PEOPLE SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. AND AGAIN, THE BIBLE DOESN'T TALK ABOUT DATING. THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT MARRIAGE, BUT THE BIBLE ASSUMES THAT THERE IS A CULTURE THAT HONORS THE PARENTS, THAT DATES NON-SEXUALLY, AND THAT THE COURTSHIP IS FOR THE PURPOSE OF FINDING OUT THAT YOU'RE COMPATIBLE. THAT'S WHAT WE ENCOURAGE. WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO RESPECT AUTHORITY, TO RESPECT THE FAMILY OF THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE DATING, FOR YOU TO DATE IN A NON-SEXUAL WAY, AND FOR YOU TO DATE TO EXPLORE, TO--NOT JUST TO ENJOY THE RELATIONSHIP AND KEEP FROM HAVING FIGHTS, BUT TO DISCOVER THE OTHER PERSON, TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING SO THAT YOU KNOW EACH OTHER WHEN YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. TODAY--SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN AMERICA TODAY, SPENDING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON WEDDINGS, AND THEY DO NO PRE-MARRIAGE PREPARATION WHATSOEVER. IT NEEDS TO BE THE OPPOSITE. SPEND A LOT LESS MONEY ON YOUR WEDDING AND SPEND MORE MONEY GETTING READY FOR YOUR WEDDING AND YOU'LL HAVE A LOT HAPPIER LIFE. SO WE HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION'S HELPFUL TO YOU. AND BY THE WAY, WE'RE ABLE TO COME TO YOU RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THE SUPPORT OF OUR DEAR PARTNERS THAT STAND WITH US FINANCIALLY. THE INFORMATION'S THERE ON YOUR SCREEN. GIVE YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT TO "MARRIAGE TODAY" TO HELP US TO HELP SINGLES AND ALSO MARRIED PEOPLE TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. OUR SECURE WEBSITE IS THERE, OUR PHONE NUMBER. YOU CAN CALL AND USE YOUR BANK CARD. ALSO, YOU CAN MAIL YOUR GIFT IN, AND OUR ADDRESS IS THERE ON THE SCREEN. THANKS FOR TUNING IN TODAY. WATCH THIS INFORMATION. JIMMY EVANS: IN THE YEAR 1930, 83% OF ADULT AMERICANS WERE MARRIED. TODAY IN AMERICA, 49% OF ADULT AMERICANS ARE MARRIED. EVERYBODY HAS A LEGACY, BUT HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO YOU THAT, FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR FAMILY, THAT THEY HAVE A LEGACY OF GOOD MARRIAGE? WHAT WE DO WITH OUR LIVES IS GOING TO DRAMATICALLY EFFECT THE NEXT GENERATION. MARRIAGE IS THE FUTURE. WE MUST BUILD MARRIAGE. AND WHAT WE LOVE TO DO HERE AT "MARRIAGETODAY" IS GIVE PEOPLE HOPE. BECAUSE MARRIAGE WORKS. MARRIAGE WORKS WONDERFULLY. GOD WOULD NEVER CREATE ANYTHING FOR FAILURE. MAN: THE WORLD WAS TELLING US TO GIVE UP. PEOPLE AROUND US WAS TELLING US TO GIVE UP. BUT "MARRIAGETODAY" WAS A... A LIGHT IN A DARK PLACE FOR US AT A DARK TIME. WOMAN: HEARING JIMMY AND KAREN EVANS JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW GOD COULD RESTORE ANY MARRIAGE, IT STARTED TO BRING HOPE BACK INTO ME. MAN: THEY CHANGED OUR LIFE. THEY CHANGED OUR FUTURE. JIMMY: WE LOVE HELPING PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE, BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE SUPPORT TO DO THAT. IN EVERYTHING THAT WE DO, WE KNOW THAT WE'RE TOUCHING MILLIONS OF LIVES EVERY YEAR AND MILLIONS OF FAMILIES. WOULD YOU STAND WITH US AS WE BUILD MARRIAGES IN AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD? THE FAMILIES THAT WE HELP AND THE CHILDREN THAT WE KEEP TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE BECAUSE OF YOU. PLEASE CONSIDER GIVING YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT TO HELP US HERE AT "MARRIAGETODAY" LIFT THE STANDARD AROUND THE WORLD FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday's YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.
