How to Date and Successfully Marry

coming up on marriage today with Jimmy & Karen only Jesus Christ can meet our deepest needs so if you want to be the right one for someone later in life you need to have a relationship with Jesus a real relationship with Jesus [Music] we got married we didn't know what we were doing we had absolutely no idea about how to be married no one ever told us anything about anything and I was a terrible husband Christian you know I was saved but I was dominant I was verbally abusive when I got angry i golfed all the time when I wasn't working I was a golfing and after several years of marriage we were on the brink of divorce and my wife was a praying woman and we almost I told Karen to get out of the house one night and I won't give you all the details because I want to get into a little different message for you but God miraculously saved our marriage but I want to tell you something that you can find the right one and you can have the marriage of your dreams many of your friends and many of the people that you know are fearful of marriage because of what's happening in our society so does marriage still work anymore Liv listen to my answer absolutely a hundred percent of time you have a 100% chance of success in marriage you can make it in marriage God made marriage and God never makes anything to fail everything that God makes he makes perfect and he made marriage perfect and you were made for marriage the God that made marriage made you for marriage you have a 100% chance of success marriage and you say well Jimmy then how why are so many people failing in marriage because they're not doing it God's why they're doing it another way let me let me just give you several several issues here of things that people are doing that are causing their marriages to fail number one they don't trust Jesus to meet their deepest needs see nope no human being can meet your deepest needs all of us have four primary needs in our lives that no person can meet acceptance identity security and purpose when you woke up this morning that was what was driving you I want to be accepted but I don't want to have to perform for it so do you realize that most people like us based on what they don't know did you know if everybody knew everything about us they might not like this anymore but did you know that Jesus knows everything you've ever done or will do and he loves you more than anybody else that's what you call acceptance doesn't matter how bright your teeth are doesn't matter how good your deodorants working Jesus loves you all the time but people are very conditional did you ever notice that people are different in the way that they love but I want you to know that you have a friend in heaven on your worst day he's your best friend and he says I will never leave you I will never forsake you somebody say Amen God is our best friend that's what you call acceptance identity he made me and my mother's one did you know the Bible says that too he who overcomes when you get to heaven God's gonna give you a stone with your real name on it did you know that only God knows who you really are a week after a week after a Karen and I got married Lord called me to preach and I was sitting in the backyard of our house reading I think a book by Billy Graham I don't even remember I didn't know one scripture in the Bible and I saw a sheet drop down in front of my face I saw myself from behind preaching to a multitude of people at 19 years old there had never been a millisecond in my life I thought of myself as a preacher two weeks earlier I was a very immoral lost person and Jesus came to me and said let me tell you who you really are people can't tell you who you are only Jesus made you in your mother's one security I'm only securing God I can't be secure in anything other than God God can protect me from anything and anyone my securities and God in purpose I don't want to live to make money I don't want to live to be popular I want to live to change the world for Jesus I want any time purpose you know a lot of people that kill themselves they just can't find a reason to live any longer they get discouraged they get depressed and they just they can't find a reason to get out of bed and live anymore let me tell you something when you live for Jesus Christ and when you live for the kingdom of God you'll always have a reason to get up the next day my purpose is not just for myself my purpose is not just to make money my purpose is not to be well-liked my purpose is to serve the king of kings and the Lord of lords and that is an eternal purpose and that's a big purpose acceptance identity security and purpose and if you don't trust Jesus to do that you're gonna trust people to do it it's called the principle of transference and every time you try to get a person to meet those needs you'll ruin that relationship so listen what I'm saying your daily personal trusting dependent relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important issue in you being a good spouse for someone sometimes when you get married that person can't meet your deepest needs and if you expect them to the relationship is set up for the disappointment disaster from the very beginning so you were made for marriage but God has to be in the center of that marriage and I'm not talking about just having a Christian marriage I'm talking about you've got to pray you've got to depend on Jesus and so a lot of people a lot of Christian people they don't depend on Jesus I want you to make me feel secure I want you to make me feel like somebody I want you to accept me and they get into these fights of you're not meeting my needs well there are needs in marriage that we meet for each other but not the deepest ones only Jesus Christ can meet our deepest needs so if you want to be the right one for someone later in life you need to have a relationship with Jesus a real relationship with Jesus listen one of the red flags and we talk about red flags in the book here and how to know the wrong one but one of the red flags and relationships is when someone puts too much pressure on you and needs from you things that you can't give the only God give so one of the reasons that many marriages fail is because they just don't have a relationship with Jesus number two they make they make marriage into a contract or not a covenant marriage is a covenant relationship and we've largely lost the concept of covenant in our society was list'ning covenant means to cut you don't make a covenant you cut a covenant and remember when God made marriage he cut at him see God made God made Adam out of the dust why did he make Heat out the dust but he cut at him because covenant is a sacrificial permanent relationship its sacrificial in its permanent jesus said this is the new covenant in my blood every time you make covenant there has to be blood there has to be a sacrifice so it's a sacrificial permanent relationship in our society we turn marriage into a contract let me tell you the difference between a contract in a covenant a covenant is a sacrificial permanent relationship that I'm going to surrender rights and assume responsibilities a contract is a superficial temporary relationship for I'm going to protect my what rights and limit my responsibilities and so God says on day 1 of our relationship with him Hebrews 13:5 on day 1 of our relationship with God here's what God says I will never leave you I will never forsake you let me tell you what those words mean I'll never leave means I'll never physically leave I'll never forsake means in all of eternity God will never turn his heart away from you day 1 God does not say I'm gonna see how good of a Christian you are if you're a really good Christian I'm gonna make you some really neat promises on day 1 God says I'm all-in and I'll never change and I'll never physically leave you and I'll never turn my heart away from you whatever you do whatever happens in our relationship I'm all-in day 1 a contract relationship says this way when a couple when a couple gets married in a covenant relationship here's what they say for better for worse for richer for poorer in sickness and health till death do us part that's covenant language and covenant language says there's going to be tough times I'm all-in I'm here to stay and so you're gonna go through tough times in every relationship and the only commitment that can keep you together is a covenant commitment but here here's a contract living together a lot of people are there living together what's wrong with living together 100 percent contract mentality and here's what contract says well I don't I'm not really ready to commit let's just move in let's just start living together and kind of play house I want to see how good you are at taking care of me before I commit and even after we get married I may change my mind and a better model may come along so when you're in a relationship with a person and they want a contract right see in relationships you get what you pay for and if you want the cheapest most fragile form of relationship enter into a contract relationship it's all about me I don't want to sacrifice much I don't want to lose my rights and I don't want too much responsibility on me I want to limit my responsibilities and I want to protect my rights covenant says I'm all-in and I know it's gonna hurt I'm ready for poor I'm ready for sicker I'm ready for worse I'm ready for anything and the only thing that's gonna separate us is death not murder death I'm all-in how many of you are glad that we have a covenant god and we're in his family and he's not going to change his mind and on our bad days he's not gonna change his mind and we go through hard times he's not gonna change his mind because he bled for us he didn't go to the blood bank and bleed for us he went to the cross and bled for us and that's a covenant relationship ken and I never talked about divorce we regardless of what happens we're all in and a lot of reasons that marriage is failing in our society God created it as a covenant it only works as a covenant relationship number three reasons that marriages fail is because people break the laws of marriage the the laws of marriage are in Genesis chapter 2 I had no idea that there were laws of marriage you by the way laws create order I'm a pilot I fly a plane and there are laws of aerodynamics traits ordinal there's there's no chance of planes just gonna fall out of the air if you follow the laws of aerodynamics flying is the safest form of transportation marriage is the safest relationship on earth today with all of its warts you cannot find a relationship on earth today that is safer than marriage and when you do it God's Way it's a hundred percent safe because their laws or where are the laws Genesis 2:24 and 25 therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh they were both naked the man and his wife were not ashamed well I had no idea that those were the laws of marriage but when God created marriage this is right after God created Adam and Eve this is what God said for this cause a man shall leave his father mother the law priority the marriages has to be first okay for this cause a man will leave his father and mother your father and mother are the most important relationship in your life well when Karen and I got married i golfed and when I would come home it was a very good golfer and when I came home from playing golf Karen would resented it because i golfed all the time well my marriage wasn't first I was breaking the law of priority and it almost destroyed our relationship listen marriage has to come before children marriage has to come before parents marriage has to come before church marriage has to come before friends marriage has to be first it's the first law of marriage law number two for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife well the word cleave doesn't make sense in our language but it means to pursue with all of your energy we're commanded in Deuteronomy 5 times to cleave unto the Lord our God marriage is work you have to work at marriage a lot of people think well if I marry my perfect soul mate that I'm just gonna wake up every day and hallelujah here it's good it's I just feel so good I don't have to work at this relationship because I found my soul mate we matched in all 1,300 categories let me tell you something you marry your perfect soul mate you're gonna have to work at that relationship it's like anything else in life in what area of life would you want to give something no energy and expect this to see there's no other area that we apply that principle to except for marriages so I'm saying marriages work but it's great work when you work at your marriage marriage thrives and by the way the reason that you fall in love is you work at it you knock yourself out you know you smell good you look good you you know pay attention to what you're saying you pursue each other and you fall in love how do you fall out of love you just give up take each other for granted stop working at it and there are a lot of people honestly they think there's something wrong and if they have to work at their marriage marry just work God said it from the very beginning God says that for this cause a man shall leave his father a mother cleave it to his wife they too should become one flesh marriage is about sharing everything it's called the law possession when you get married you share everything with your spouse course I was selfish I was dominant domina destroys the spirit of relationship because dominance says I'm not sharing I'm in control I will not share myself with you I will not share decisions and ideas with you Karen and I never talk about who the head of our home is because Jesus Christ is the head of our home and every single decision we make in our marriage we make together and we don't bully each other and we don't make each other pay a price for telling the truth we sit down we talk we pray in every in every significant decision we make we make together and were one there's not one decision in our home or in our family or in our lives not one decision that we didn't make together any significant decision so we're not divided we're together and that's the way that God made Mary selfish people cannot succeed in marriage because selfish people will not share and selfish people don't want to cooperate they want to they want their own way the number four law it says the man his wife were both naked and not ashamed it's the law of purity God made Adam and Eve completely exposed to each other physically but also mentally emotionally until they sinned and when Adam and Eve sinned they could no longer be intimate but they began to hide themselves behind fig leaves here's the principle if we're careful in how we behave and we take responsibility for our issues we can be intimate without fear but when we begin to hurt each other and sin against each other and don't take responsibility it's just too sensitive I cannot open my heart to a person who's not careful and I won't open my heart to you because the things that you say and do and you don't take responsibility for it I was not a good husband I was verbally abusive I was dominant and caring completely shut down on me and when I changed and I repented and I began to be different Karen began to open up we Karen said something me one time when I changed I hung up my golf clubs I stopped golfing I started being a better husband and Karen said sense to me one day and I said how long have you been thinking that she said years and I said why didn't you tell me she said I could I was not her safe place you should be your spouse's safe place she should be this safest place in the world for your spouse to be able to share it but if they can only do that if you're careful and if you take responsibility for your issues okay so that's that's my first question this marriage work anymore absolutely but Jesus has to be first it has to be a covenant relationship and you have to obey the laws of God and what I just told you there in the last 15 minutes that's 90% of what it takes to succeed in marriage you don't have to fear marriage marriage is the most secure relationship on earth but it works God's Way you know hope you enjoyed that message this is something that we have waited for so long to be able to talk about because you know in the Bible dating isn't mentioned because in the Bible it wasn't part of their culture they courted and they were betrothed to one another before they got married and so it was a very different culture and you know we've really lost our way in America and really in many cultures around the world we've just lost our way in understanding how to meet someone how to date the right way and how that leads to a marriage where you don't have a trail of broken hearts all the way behind you and so for some of you you may have had some bad relationships maybe you've been married before or whatever maybe you have a child and they're in high school college or whatever and you want them to be prepared to be married properly right now for your gift of any amount to support us here at marriage today I want to send you the full message on CD that you just heard part up today tremendous information to help you to understand how God designed us and how God designed marriage and how we can enter into marriage properly we want to send you that for your gift of any amount and right now for your gift of $40 or more I want to send you the right one book and this is the one of our newest books tremendous resource to help you to be prepared to be married we talked about all different issues in there plus I want to send you the CD single and the DVD single of the message that you heard today and right now for your gift of $65 or more I'll send you the right one book plus the CD and DVD single plus the workbook now this workbook is for a couple but it's also for like a small group if you have a high school Bible study if you have a college Bible study a singles Bible study or you just want to to get a group of people together and talk about dating and marriage the workbook is the perfect resource for that listen we have waited for a long time to be able to equip people it not just to get married but to date and into to know how to work through the process of dating and courtship so that when you get married you have God's full blessing and you're fully prepared these resources are terrific we want to put them into your hands here's how you can get them how do I know if the person I'm dating is the one I should marry what is the right and the wrong way to date how will I know when I find the right one finding the right marriage partner is one of the most important decisions any of us will ever make and in the right one Jimmy Evans gives biblical no-nonsense advice to singles unsuccessfully dating and marrying the right person for your gift of any amount you'll receive the CD message the right one does marriage still work anymore but listen to my answer absolutely a hundred percent of time you have a 100% chance of success to marriage for your gift of $40 or more we'll send you the right one book plus Jimmy's message on both CD and DVD for your gift of $65 or more will also include finding the right one workbook with DVD lessons if you or someone you know is single and hoping to find a fulfilling marriage relationship order the right one today [Music] you know our program in our ministry is called marriage today and we help people succeed at being married but it begins really with the dating experience and really until now we have not had a resource to give people for their kids or for themselves if they're single to help to prepare to date and to marry and so the teaching you just watch there is from gateway church their college group that was simulcast across the country to other college groups but we want to empower high school college-age people singles of any age to know how to date marry in the the trick there is the Bible doesn't talk about dating because in the biblical culture it was courting and betrothing and it was a much different culture that included the families and we're not trying to go back into the past and be prudes or anything like that but we have to admit the system is broken right now the way that people are dating right now in our culture it's broken and it's breaking a lot of people their bodies their hearts and rather than preparing them properly for marriage is literally is doing the opposite it's breaking them so badly that it's hard for them to be married successfully so we talk in the book about a lot of different issues that help prepare to date and marry properly at any age but we want to begin with high school high school groups and churches if you are a church leader we want we have a workbook that goes with the book the right one and it's for high school groups college groups singles groups any group to help you sit down and talk through the issues of how to properly date in marriage so that you can do it properly with God's blessing so Karen we have some questions from our viewers and my fiance and I really enjoy being together but I wonder if I'm setting settling in order to be married how do you know when you're marrying the right person well that's a really great question because one of the things that we do in the book is we talk about expectations having the right expectations we talk about red flags you know if you're dating and you see red flags how to identify red flags and say that there's something wrong here either we've got to settle this or we shouldn't be getting married we talk about intentional dating knowing why you're dating not because you say we enjoy being together but I don't know if she's the right one or not we go through so many issues in the book and say this if you read through this book and especially if you and your girlfriend read through this book together you will know because we we bring up everything in the book that you need to be talking about and you need to be thinking about and if she's not the right one for you you don't need to settle for that but let me say this you also don't need always two or three years of your life being with a person that's not the right one if you're of marrying age you know if if you're not with the right person you need to find out so that you can go and and continue to pray and seek God for the right person that's out there but but we do encourage you to either buy the book the workbook or whatever because it will really help you to think through issues that you don't think about normally see 33 years ago I began in ministry as a pre marriage counselor and what I did for a living was to take couples through pre-marriage counseling 20 percent of the couples I took through pre-marriage counseling didn't get married and not because I was a bad marriage counselor it's because in the process of the pre marriage counseling they realized they weren't compatible I had people break up him office because we would bring up an issue and they would sit right there and say I'm not what we in once counseling situation we found out the husband wanted the the fiancee man wanted six children she wanted to and she said I'm not having six children she said yes you are and she said you're not having them by me and they broke up it was a deal-breaker because they were both saying what if you don't discuss issues like that and then you get married and find out you know you're supposed to have six babies you don't want to so there are a lot of things like that we need to discuss but the the right one book is a great resource to help you think through and talk through issues so you don't end up marrying the wrong person and we hope that this information is helpful to you let me say this the everything that we do here at marriage today is for the purpose of helping people succeed in marriage and again the Bible didn't talk about dating the Bible talks about marriage but the Bible assumes that there is a culture that honors the parents that dates non-sexually and that the courtship is for the purpose of finding out that you're compatible that's what we encourage we encourage you to respect authority to respect the family of the person that you're dating for you to date in a non-sexual way and for you to date to explore to not just to enjoy the relationship and keep from having fights but to discover the other person to make sure you're talking about everything so that you know each other when you're getting married today sometimes people are getting married in America today spending millions of dollars for hundreds of thousands of dollars on weddings and they do know pre-marriage preparation whatsoever it needs to be the opposite spend a lot less money on your wedding it's been more money getting ready for your wedding and you'll have a lot happier life so we hope that this information is helpful to you and by the way we're able to come to you right now because of the support of our dear partners that stand with us financially the information is there on your screen give your most generous gift to marriage today to help us to help singles and also married people to succeed in marriage our secure website is there a phone number you can call and use your bank card also you can mail your gift in and our dresses they're on the strength thanks for tuning in today watch this information in the year 1930 83% of adult Americans are married today in America 49% of adult Americans are married everybody has legacy but how important is it to you but for your children and your family that they have a legacy of difference what we do with our lives is going to dramatically affect the next generation marriage is the future we must build marriage and what we love to do here at marriage stays give people hope that this marriage works marriage works wonderful God would never create anything for that the world was telling us to give up people around us was telling us to give up but marriage today was a light and a dark place for us at a dark time here in Jimmy and Karen Evans just talking about how God could restore any marriage it started to bring hope back and to me they changed our life they changed our future we love helping people in marriage but we have to have support to do that and everything that we do we know that we're touching millions of lives every year and millions of families would you stand with us as we build marriages in America and around the world the families that we help and the children that we keep together with our parents are because of you please consider giving your most generous gift to help us here at marriage today lift the standard around the world for marriage and family thank you for watching marriage today with Jimmy & Karen subscribe to marriage today's YouTube channel for more marriage building videos and updates [Music]

Channel: XO Marriage

Views: 53,265

Keywords: marriage, marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage advice, relationships, relationship help, counseling, Christian counseling, divorce, husband, wife, issues, fixing your marriage, love, marriagetoday, Jimmy Evans, wedding, wedding planning

Id: rnCAT68YAy8

Length: 27min 11sec (1631 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 23 2018