ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON "MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY & KAREN"... JIMMY EVANS: IF I MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON, THE EMOTIONS WILL JUST ALWAYS BE THERE. EVERY MORNING I'M GONNA WAKE UP AND LOOK AT YOU AND JUST GO, "HALLELUJAH. OHH. IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN." [LAUGHTER] NO, YOU'RE GONNA OPEN YOUR EYES AND SMELL HER BREATH AND, YOU KNOW...SEE THEM IN THE HARSH MORNING LIGHT AND... THERE'S NO SUCH THING. NOW, LISTEN WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG IF THEY HAVE TO WORK AT IT. KAREN EVANS: COMMON SENSE SAYS YOU CAN'T JUST NEGLECT YOUR MARRIAGE. I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE YOU HAVE A GARDEN IN THE BACKYARD AND YOU'RE WONDERING WHY YOU HAVE WEEDS AND EVERYTHING'S BROWN. I MEAN, IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I MEAN, IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA INVEST IN IT, IT'S LIKE, YOU'RE RIGHT, WHY STAY MARRIED? DON'T THINK THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY IN ANOTHER MARRIAGE. THE SAME THINGS ARE GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN. JIMMY: ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS THAT WE UNDERSTAND RELATED TO MARRIAGE IS THERE ARE LAWS. AND A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE ARE FEARFUL OF MARRIAGE BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE LAWS ASSOCIATED WITH IT. NOW, I'M A PILOT. I'M A LICENSED PILOT. I GOT MY PILOT'S LICENSE LAST YEAR. MY FAMILY WILL NOT FLY WITH ME YET. [LAUGHTER] LET ME GIVE THAT DISCLAIMER. BUT THERE ARE LAWS RELATED TO AERODYNAMICS, AND SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO FLY AS LONG AS I'M RESPECTING THE LAWS, BECAUSE THERE ARE LAWS. PLANES DON'T JUST FALL OUT OF THE AIR. IS THAT, YOU KNOW, WHEN THERE'S A PLANE THAT CRASHES OR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS WRONG, IT JUST DIDN'T HAPPEN, YOU KNOW, JUST BY CHANCE. IT'S SOMETHING--SOMETHING VIOLATED THE LAWS OF AERODYNAMICS FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. I'LL SAY, WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LAWS OF MARRIAGE, IT'S A REALLY SCARY THING, AND IT WAS FOR KAREN AND ME. WE GOT MARRIED AT 19 YEARS OLD. WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PRE-MARRIAGE PREPARATION BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED. AND SO WE DIDN'T KNOW. AND HONESTLY, I JUST THOUGHT YOU'RE EITHER LUCKY ENOUGH TO MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON OR YOU'RE UNLUCKY AND YOU MARRY THE WRONG PERSON. AND HONESTLY, I LOVED KAREN, I WAS VERY ATTRACTED TO HER, BUT I THOUGHT I MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON AFTER A FEW YEARS OF MARRIAGE BECAUSE--AND SHE DID, TOO-- BECAUSE IT JUST WASN'T WORKING. WE DIDN'T KNOW--NO ONE EVER TOLD US, WE WERE VIOLATING EVERY LAW OF MARRIAGE. AND SO SOME OF YOU WATCHING RIGHT NOW, YOU LOVE EACH OTHER AND GOD PUT YOU TOGETHER, BUT YOU MAY BE FRUSTRATED, YOU MAY BE DISCOURAGED, YOU MAY BE FEARFUL BECAUSE YOU'VE FAILED BEFORE IN MARRIAGES OR YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE FAILING NOW AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU THE GOOD NEWS. WHEN GOD CREATES ANYTHING, HE CREATES IT FOR SUCCESS. AND WHEN GOD CREATES ANYTHING, HE CREATES IT UPON THE LAWS OF HIS KINGDOM AND THE LAWS OF HIS WORD. SO WHEN GOD CREATED MARRIAGE, HE SAID SOME VERY IMPORTANT WORDS. AND THIS IS GENESIS 2:24 AND 25. YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD THIS BEFORE. IT SAYS, "THEREFORE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE AND THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH. AND THEY WERE BOTH NAKED, THE MAN AND HIS WIFE, AND THEY WERE NOT ASHAMED." NOW, I HAD HEARD THAT SCRIPTURE READ AND I HAD HEARD IT AT MARRIAGES AND AT WEDDINGS AND AT THINGS LIKE THAT, BUT I NEVER KNEW THAT THOSE WERE THE 4 FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE AND THAT EVERYTHING-- GOD CREATED MARRIAGE AND HE SPOKE THOSE WORDS. AND WHEN HE SPOKE THOSE WORDS, HE CREATED A FOUNDATION FOR MARRIAGE THAT WOULD ENSURE THAT EVERY MARRIAGE COULD SUCCEED. NOW, LISTEN TO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE. GOD MADE YOU IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB, AND YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE. AND SOME PEOPLE JUST THINK, I DON'T KNOW THAT I COULD SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. YOU KNOW, I'M FEARFUL OF MARRIAGE. I HAVE A 50/50 CHANCE. YOU DON'T HAVE A 50/50 CHANCE. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE IF YOU DO IT GOD'S WAY. LET ME TELL YOU THE OTHER GOOD NEWS. IT'S NOT COMPLICATED. IF IT WAS COMPLICATED, I COULD NOT DO IT. GOD DOESN'T USE ME TO DO THIS BECAUSE I'M SPECIAL, GOD USES ME TO DO THIS BECAUSE IF I CAN DO IT, ANYBODY CAN DO IT. IT'S SIMPLE. THERE ARE 4 FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE, AND ONCE WE UNDERSTAND THESE LAWS AND JUST APPLY THESE LAWS, IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. AND IT DID FOR KAREN AND ME. WE WERE ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE. WE DIDN'T--WE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE. BUT ONCE WE BEGAN TO PRACTICE THE 4 FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE, FIRST OF ALL, IT TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO. SECONDLY, WHEN YOU START HAVING PROBLEMS, IT TELLS YOU, WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS BECAUSE WE'RE VIOLATING ONE OF THESE LAWS OF MARRIAGE. SO NUMBER TWO LAW OF MARRIAGE IS THE LAW OF PURSUIT. A MAN SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE. MARRIAGE IS WORK. IS YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT. IT'S SOME--YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE--A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE. WHEN IT SAYS A MAN SHALL CLEAVE INTO HIS WIFE, THE WORD CLEAVE THERE MEANS TO PURSUE WITH ALL ENERGY. IT MEANS TO CLING ONTO. IT'S AN ENERGETIC WORD. AND SO FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, GOD TOLD US MARRIAGES WORK. YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE, YOU WORK AT THE RELATIONSHIP. WHEN I WAS 16 YEARS OLD, I ASKED KAREN OUT. WE WERE 16 YEARS OLD. WE WENT TO ELEMENTARY AND JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER, BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER. IN HIGH SCHOOL WE STARTED DATING WHEN I INVITED HER TO A THREE DOG NIGHT CONCERT. [LAUGHTER] AND--1969 OR SO. I HAD A 1969 DYNAMIC 88 OLDSMOBILE THAT MY MOTHER WRECKED AND GAVE TO ME. SHE DID THAT WITH ALL MY BROTHERS. SHE WRECKED A CAR AND GAVE US THE CAR THAT SHE WRECKED AND GOT HERSELF A NEW ONE. AND I WORKED AT SCRUB-A-DUB CARWASH WHEN I ASKED KAREN OUT. AND I HAD HAIR DOWN TO HERE, AND, YOU KNOW, I WAS KIND OF A HOOD AND EVERYTHING. SO I ASKED HER OUT. BUT WHEN I ASKED HER OUT, I REMEMBER THAT I JUST KNOCKED MYSELF OUT BEFORE I PICKED HER UP. I WASHED MY CAR THAT DAY. AND I PULLED UP--I ALWAYS PULLED UP ON THE GOOD SIDE OF THE CAR WHEN I PICKED--IT WAS MONTHS BEFORE SHE KNEW MY CAR WAS WRECKED BECAUSE I ALWAYS PULLED UP ON THE GOOD SIDE OF THE CAR. AND I JUST KNOCKED MYSELF OUT TO BE MANNERLY. YOU KNOW, THOSE WERE THE DAYS THAT YOU DROVE WELL. AND, YOU KNOW, I'D DRIVE JUST REAL CAREFULLY. IF WE HIT A LITTLE BUMP, I'D SAY, "ARE YOU OK?" 5 MINUTES LATER, WE'D HIT A BAR DITCH AND I'D SAY, "TOUGHEN UP, STOP GRIPING." IT'S JUST THE WAY THAT IT IS BACK THEN. AND SO I'D JUST WORK, WORK, WORK. BUT AS SOON AS I KNEW THAT I HAD HER, I BEGAN TO TAKE HER FOR GRANTED. AND THAT'S HUMAN NATURE. TODAY WE WORK AT OUR MARRIAGE, AND OUR MARRIAGE IS GREAT AS LONG AS WE WORK AT IT. IT'S NEVER DIFFERENT THAN THAT. NO ONE IS THE EXCEPTION TO THIS. BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MISCONCEPTIONS RELATED TO MARRIAGE. AND WE HAVE TO GET THESE MISCONCEPTIONS OUT OF OUR MIND. THE FIRST IS, IF I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON, THE EMOTIONS WILL HAPPEN NATURALLY AND EFFORTLESSLY THROUGHOUT OUR MARRIAGE. IF I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON, THE EMOTIONS WILL JUST ALWAYS BE THERE. EVERY MORNING I'M GONNA WAKE UP AND LOOK AT YOU AND JUST GO, "HALLELUJAH. OHH. IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN." [LAUGHTER] NO, YOU'RE GONNA OPEN YOUR EYES AND SMELL HER BREATH AND, YOU KNOW...SEE THEM IN THE HARSH MORNING LIGHT. AND...THERE'S NO SUCH THING. NOW LISTEN WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT BELIEVE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG IF THEY HAVE TO WORK AT IT. IF I MARRIED MY SOULMATE, AND THIS IS A WORD THAT'S BEING USED A LOT TODAY, SOULMATE. I'M LOOKING FOR MY SOULMATE. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SOULMATE. "A," THEY'RE REALLY MESSED UP. [LAUGHTER] IF YOU THINK YOUR SOULMATE IS THIS PERSON THAT YOU SEE THEM AND YOU JUST GO [GASPS], LIKE THAT, WELL, YOU MAY FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM, BUT THEY'RE STILL MESSED UP. LET ME TELL YOU ANOTHER THING ABOUT SOULMATES, THEY'RE NOT BORN, THEY'RE MADE. THE BEST MARRIAGES ARE NOT TWO PERFECT PEOPLE WHO GET TOGETHER AND CHEMISTRY STRIKES AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE BEST MARRIAGES ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE A LOT OF INCOMPATIBILITY, THAT ROLL UP THEIR SLEEVES AND GO THROUGH LOTS OF TROUBLE TOGETHER, BUT THEY STAY TOGETHER AND WORK IT OUT AND THEY COME OUT AS BEST FRIENDS. THAT'S HOW MARRIAGE WORKS. THE BEST MARRIAGES ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HIGH GOALS AND A HIGH WORK ETHIC. THE WORST MARRIAGES ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HIGH GOALS AND NOT A GOOD WORK ETHIC. THAT'S PROVEN IN RESEARCH. AND SO IF I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON, THE EMOTIONS WILL BE THERE. NO, THEY WON'T. IT'LL BE THERE TO THE DEGREE THAT YOU WORK AT IT. AND EVEN IF YOU WORK AT IT, THEY'LL BE TIMES THE EMOTIONS JUST AREN'T THERE. THE SECOND IS, IF MY EMOTIONS CHANGE TOWARD MY SPOUSE, I MUST HAVE MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON. NO. AGAIN, EMOTIONS COME AND GO. I CAN'T PREDICT MY EMOTIONS. BUT THE BEST LOVE IN THE WORLD IS LOVE BY CHOICE. IT'S CALLED AGAPE LOVE. IT'S GOD'S TYPE OF LOVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE GONNA DO TOMORROW, BUT I'M ALWAYS IN CONTROL OF MY WILL. WHEN I SAY I LOVE KAREN EVANS, WHAT I'M SAYING IS THIS-- REGARDLESS OF HOW I FEEL OR WHAT SHE DOES, I'VE MADE A DECISION. I WILL ALWAYS BE FAITHFUL TO HER AND DO MY BEST TO LOVE HER AS JESUS WOULD. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. I'VE MADE A DECISION. I CAN'T DEPEND ON EMOTIONS. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, THE MOST TALENTED PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, YOU NOTICE THEY FALL IN LOVE, THEY DIVORCE. THEY FALL IN LOVE, THEY DIVORCE. WHY? BECAUSE THEY THINK, IF MY FEELINGS CHANGE, I'VE GOT TO CHANGE SPOUSES. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS. NO, IF YOUR FEELINGS CHANGE, YOU JUST WORK. THERE'S THE GRASS IS GREENER SYNDROME. YOU KNOW, IT'S WHEN THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. AND THAT'S WHAT THE DEVIL WANTS TO DO. WHETHER IT'S SOMEONE ACROSS THE STREET OR SOMEBODY AT WORK OR SOMEONE REAL OR IMAGINED, YOU KNOW, THE GRASS ALWAYS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. AND THERE'S TWO SAYINGS THAT I LIKE. ONE IS, WHEN THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE, IT'S TIME TO WATER YOUR OWN YARD. [LAUGHTER] AND HERE'S ANOTHER GOOD ONE. WHEN THE GRASS LOOKS-- THE REASON THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE IS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE THE POOP FROM HERE. [LAUGHTER] IS...EVERYBODY LOOKS GOOD FROM A DISTANCE, YOU KNOW, BUT LIVE WITH THEM FOR A WHILE AND THEN YOU'LL SEE THAT IT'S NOT AS GOOD AS YOU THOUGHT IT WAS. EVERYBODY LOOKS GOOD FROM A DISTANCE, BUT WHEN YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT INDIVIDUAL, THEN YOU SEE ALL THEIR ISSUES UP FRONT. LET ME SAY, THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW--MY BEST FRIENDS ARE NOT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME IN THE GOOD TIMES. MY BEST FRIENDS ARE THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ALL THE DIRT AND STILL LOVE ME ANYWAY. RIGHT? AND THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF FRIENDS YOU WANT. KAREN AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME. I THINK WE'VE SEEN EVERYTHING, BUT MAYBE WE HAVEN'T. BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS--WE'RE STILL TOGETHER. AND THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS. IT'S GIRL: LIFE IS A JOURNEY ONCE FULL OF HOPE, TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE, TO LEAVE A LEGACY TO THE ONES WE LOVE. BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THAT JOURNEY, WE'VE LOST OUR WAY, FORGOTTEN WHAT'S IMPORTANT. JIMMY EVANS: WHEN MARRIAGE IS NO LONGER RESPECTED, COUPLES BEGIN TO SEPARATE, AND THEIR CHILDREN BEGIN TO SUFFER. MARRIAGE IS THE FUTURE. WE MUST BUILD MARRIAGE. AND WHAT WE LOVE TO DO HERE AT "MARRIAGETODAY" IS GIVE PEOPLE HOPE. BECAUSE MARRIAGE WORKS. MARRIAGE WORKS WONDERFULLY. GOD WOULD NEVER CREATE ANYTHING FOR FAILURE. GOD'S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE IS PERFECT. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. "MARRIAGETODAY" IS HERE TO HELP EVERY COUPLE THRIVE. EVEN IF YOU FAILED, EVEN IF YOU CAME OUT OF A BROKEN HOME, EVEN IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A GOOD MARRIAGE, EVERY PERSON CAN SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE, AND THAT GIVES HOPE. WE LOVE HELPING PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE, BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE SUPPORT TO DO THAT. IN OUR TELEVISION PROGRAM, IN OUR LIVE EVENTS, IN EVERYTHING THAT WE DO, WE KNOW THAT WE'RE TOUCHING MILLIONS OF LIVES EVERY YEAR AND MILLIONS OF FAMILIES. WOULD YOU STAND WITH US AS WE BUILD MARRIAGES IN AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD? THE FAMILIES THAT WE HELP AND THE CHILDREN THAT WE KEEP TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE BECAUSE OF YOU. PLEASE CONSIDER GIVING YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT TO HELP US HERE AT "MARRIAGETODAY" LIFT THE STANDARD AROUND THE WORLD FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. TOGETHER. NUMBER 3, MISCONCEPTION OF LOVE AND ROMANCE. POSITIVE EVENTS, EXPERIENCES, AND ACTIONS SHOULD FUEL THE RELATIONSHIPS IN OUR EMOTIONS LONG TERM. IN OTHER WORDS, IF WE TAKE A TRIP A TO HAWAII, OR IF WE HAVE A BIG VALENTINE'S WEEKEND OR WHATEVER, THAT'S GONNA LAST FOR A LONG TIME. AND THAT'S NOT TRUE. MARRIAGE OPERATES ON THE MANNA PRINCIPLE. THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL WOKE UP EVERY MORNING WHEN THEY WERE IN THE WILDERNESS, AND FOR 40 YEARS, EVERY DAY MANNA WAS THERE, AND GOD SAID YOU CAN'T ACCUMULATE IT. YOU CAN ONLY PICK UP ONE DAY'S WORTH. EXCEPT BEFORE THE SABBATH YOU CAN PICK UP TWO DAYS' WORTH. HE SAID, BUT YOU HAVE TO PICK IT UP EVERY DAY. FIRST THING THEY DID IS THE ISRAELITES WENT OUT AND TOOK ALL THEY COULD AND PUT IT IN THEIR TENTS, YOU KNOW. AND WHAT HAPPENED, IT SAYS, IT BRED WORMS AND STANK. THEY WERE TRYING TO ACCUMULATE IT, AND GOD SAYS NO, I WANT YOU TO LEARN TO RELATE TO ME EVERY DAY AND TRUST ME EVERY DAY. A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS IS AN EVERYDAY THING, NOT AN EVERY MONTH THING OR AN EVERY YEAR THING. LOVE IS A PERISHABLE COMMODITY. YESTERDAY'S LOVE IS WORTHLESS. IT HAS TO BE RENEWED EVERY SINGLE DAY. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR EMOTIONS WERE A YEAR AGO. I'M TELLING YOU, I'VE BEEN A CHRISTIAN FOR 40 YEARS, AND I'M JUST GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, IF I GO 3 OR 4 DAYS WITHOUT PRAYING AND READING THE BIBLE, IT CHANGES. I MEAN, GOD DOESN'T CHANGE, BUT IT CHANGES ME. I'VE GOT TO HAVE A DAILY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. THE LOVE AND THE PASSION THAT I HAVE FOR GOD, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT'S EXPRESSED DAILY, NOT MONTHLY, NOT ANNUALLY. SAME IS TRUE WITH KAREN. MARRIAGE IS A DAILY THING, THAT WE NEED TO LOVE EACH OTHER EVERY DAY. NOW, THIS--MEN ARE THE WORST. WOMEN KIND OF GET THAT, BUT MEN ARE THE WORST RELATED TO THIS BECAUSE MEN THINK IN TERMS OF POINTS. YOU KNOW, HOW MANY POINTS DO I HAVE IN THE BANK? AND HOW CAN I--I'M IN TROUBLE, SO HOW CAN I ACCUMULATE SOME BIG POINTS IN A HURRY TO GET OUT OF TROUBLE? AND MEN AND POINTS. SO HERE ARE HOW MEN KIND OF THINK ABOUT POINTS. HERE ARE THE BIG POINTS FOR MEN. DATE. THAT'S GOOD FOR POINTS. FLOWERS. ALWAYS A WINNER. CARD. JEWELRY. JEWELRY'S BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG. HOUSEWORK, TRIP, GIVING UP A SPORTING EVENT, TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS, GOING SHOPPING WITH HER. THE ULTIMATE NOW IS GOING TO A GIRL MOVIE WHERE THERE'S NO KILLING. AND... [LAUGHTER] THAT'S THE ULTIMATE RIGHT THERE. YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE WHEN YOU'RE WILLING TO DO THAT. I WENT TO SEE "THE HORSE WHISPERER" WITH KAREN AND I JUST THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. I REALLY DID. I... [LAUGHTER] BUT...THE, UH--SO MEN SAY THAT THE POINTS--THE POINT SYSTEM, YEAH, GREAT, OK. HERE'S THE WAY IT WORKS. SO YOU TAKE HER ON A TRIP. YOU KNOW, YOU DO SOMETHING BIG FOR HER. AND YOU'RE THINKING, MAN, THAT WAS BIG. THAT COST A LOT OF MONEY. THAT'S GONNA LAST FOR A LONG TIME. ALL POINTS EVAPORATE AT MIDNIGHT EVERY NIGHT. [LAUGHTER] JEWELRY LASTS MAYBE TWO TO 3 DAYS. AND SO THAT'S THE BIGGEST OF ALL. AND YOU'RE JUST THINKING, MAN, I AM DON JUAN. I HAVE--YOU KNOW, I TOOK HER OUT ON THIS BIG DATE. I DID THIS AND THIS AND THIS. AND BOY, DO I HAVE SOME BIG POINTS. AND SO YOU WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING AND SHE'S JUST KIND OF HANGING OVER YOUR BED. [LAUGHTER] YOU'RE SAYING, "HEY, GOOD MORNING." "HELLO." "WELL, HONEY, GOOD MORNING. I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT OUR TRIP TO HAWAII?" "WHAT? GET UP. GET UP." YOU'RE JUST THINKING, MY GOSH, I DID ALL THAT YESTERDAY. THAT WAS YESTERDAY. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TODAY? IT'S AN EVERY-DAY--THEY DON'T ACCUMULATE. I'M JUST TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, MARRIAGE IS AN EVERYDAY DEAL. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TODAY? EVERY SINGLE DAY. AND AGAIN, WE HAVE THE TENDENCY TO WANT TO ACCUMULATE POINTS SO THAT WE CAN, YOU KNOW, RIDE THOSE FOR TWO OR 3 MONTHS WHILE WE'RE OUT CHECKED OUT DOING SOMETHING ELSE. MARRIAGE IS AN EVERYDAY THING. AND HERE'S ANOTHER MISCONCEPTION. WHEN WE HAVE NO EMOTIONS OR HAVE FALLEN OUT OF LOVE, THERE IS NO WAY TO GET THE LOVE BACK. WELL, THERE IS. IN REVELATION CHAPTER 3, GOD SAYS TO THE CHURCH AT EPHESUS THAT HAS FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM, "REMEMBER WHERE YOU FELL FROM, REPENT, AND DO THE DEEDS YOU DID AT FIRST." WHEN KAREN AND I FELL OUT OF LOVE, THE WAY WE FELL BACK IN LOVE WAS VERY SIMPLE. WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMOTIONS. WE DIDN'T LIKE EACH OTHER. WE THOUGHT THAT WE'D MADE A MISTAKE, AND WE WERE BOTH VERY SCARRED IN OUR MARRIAGE. BUT WE BEGAN TO DO WHAT WE DID WHEN WE FIRST FELL IN LOVE. WE BEGAN TO PURSUE EACH OTHER. FIRST OF ALL, I TOLD HER I WAS SORRY. I HUNG UP MY GOLF CLUBS. WE MADE EACH OTHER FIRST. WE BEGAN TO BE TOGETHER AND WORK AT THE RELATIONSHIP. LET ME SAY THIS. WITHIN SEVERAL WEEKS, WE WERE MORE IN LOVE THAN WE'D EVER BEEN BEFORE. IT DIDN'T TAKE FOREVER. IF YOU'RE--SOME PEOPLE SAY THEY'RE OUT OF LOVE. I UNDERSTAND. WE HAD NO EMOTION IN OUR RELATIONSHIP EXCEPT FOR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. SEVERAL WEEKS LATER WE WERE PASSIONATE ABOUT EACH OTHER. NOW LISTEN TO ME. IF YOU'VE GOT A MOUTH ON YOU, IF YOU HURT MY FEELINGS AND YOU'RE DISRESPECTFUL TO ME AND YOU'RE SARCASTIC AND YOU'RE CRITICAL AND YOU WON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT, YOU THINK--MY HEART IS A HOLY OF HOLIES. IT'S A SENSITIVE PLACE IN ALL THIS. ALL OF US ARE MORE SENSITIVE THAN WE WOULD WANT TO ADMIT. I CANNOT TRUST MY HEART OF HEARTS TO SOMEBODY WHO WON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR. WHEN YOU'RE CAREFUL IN THE WAY THAT YOU TREAT EACH OTHER AND WHEN YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR MISTAKES, THE FIG LEAVES COME OFF. AND WHEN IT SAYS THE MAN AND HIS WIFE WERE BOTH NAKED AND UNSHAMED, IT MEANT MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND PHYSICALLY. THEY COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WITHOUT SHAME. NO SHAME. I'M NOT--I'M NOT AFRAID IN ANY WAY THAT YOU WILL REPROACH ME BECAUSE I TRUST YOU. YOU'RE MY SAVIOR. WELL, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT TEACHING. I HOPE IT HELPED YOU. IT'S FROM MY "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" SEMINAR. IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT SEMINAR THAT I DO. IT'S THE BIGGEST SEMINAR THAT I DO. IT'S ACTUALLY THE FIRST SEMINAR I EVER DID ON MARRIAGE, BUT WE JUST KEEP UPDATING IT. AND SO RIGHT NOW WE WANT TO GET THESE RESOURCES INTO YOUR HANDS. YOU JUST HEARD A SMALL PART OF THE FULL 10-PART SEMINAR SERIES. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, WE WANT TO GET YOU "THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE" SINGLE CD. AND SO--AND IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE. AND IT WILL BLESS YOU. ANY AMOUNT THAT YOU GIVE, WE'LL PUT THAT IN THE MAIL TO YOU. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE FULL SEMINAR ON CD, PLUS MY "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK. NOW, THOUSANDS OF CHURCHES USE THESE IN THEIR CHURCHES, IN THEIR LIFE GROUPS. AND THOUSANDS OF BIBLE STUDIES ALL OVER THE WORLD TAKE PLACE WITH "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK." IT TALKS ABOUT SEX, MONEY, CHILDREN, IN-LAWS, BLENDED FAMILIES, COMMUNICATION, ROLES IN MARRIAGE, HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND MEET YOUR SPOUSE'S NEEDS, THE 4 FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE, THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE. THIS IS OUR BIGGEST AND BEST SEMINAR, AND WE WANT TO PUT THE FULL CD SERIES INTO YOUR HANDS AND THE BOOK FOR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE. AND LET ME TELL YOU, THAT'S A BARGAIN. AND FOR YOUR GIFT RIGHT NOW OF $110 OR MORE, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ABLE TO DO THAT, WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE 10-PART DVD SERIES ALONG WITH THE BOOK "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" AND ALSO OUR LITTLE BOOK "HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE." IT IS A FANTASTIC BOOK TO HELP YOU IN THE AREA OF ROMANCE, INTIMACY, JUST MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE MORE FUN, PUTTING THE SPARK BACK IN YOUR MARRIAGE. WE WANT TO PUT THESE RESOURCES INTO YOUR HANDS. HERE'S HOW YOU CAN GET THEM. ANNOUNCER: "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK," THE BEST-SELLING BOOK AND SERIES, IS THE ESSENTIAL RESOURCE TO HAVING THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. THROUGH THIS POWER-PACKED SERIES, MARRIAGE EXPERT JIMMY EVANS WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL-LIFE CHALLENGES AND OFFER EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND SOLUTIONS THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP. JIMMY WILL ADDRESS ALL THE MAJOR ISSUES A COUPLE WILL ENCOUNTER, LIKE COMMUNICATION, FINANCES, SEX, KIDS, HIS AND HER NEEDS, BLENDED FAMILIES, AND MUCH MORE. FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE CD SINGLE "THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE." FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" BOOK AND CD SERIES. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110 OR MORE, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE BOOK AND DVD SERIES, PLUS THE PASSION-REIGNITING "HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE" BOOK. DISCOVER GOD'S DESIGN FOR YOUR DREAM MARRIAGE. WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS OR JUST PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY, EXPERIENCE "MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK" TODAY. JIMMY: YOU KNOW, THIS PROGRAM TODAY IS ON THE LAWS OF MARRIAGE AND SPECIFICALLY THE LAW OF PURSUIT. WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE WERE LAWS CONCERNING MARRIAGE, BUT THERE ARE. THERE ARE 4. AND THEY ARE UNIVERSAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE FOUND IN GENESIS CHAPTER 2 IN VERSE 24 AND 25. AND SO WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS LAW, KAREN, AND IT SAYS A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS MOTHER AND FATHER AND CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE. AND THAT WORD "CLEAVE" IS A VERY ENERGY-BASED WORD. AND IT MEANS WORK. MARRIAGE WORKS WHEN YOU WORK AT IT. IT DOESN'T WORK WHEN YOU DON'T WORK AT IT. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE, LIKE I SAID IN THE TEACHING THERE, THEY JUST THINK IF I MARRY MY SOULMATE, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORK AT THE RELATIONSHIP. AND IF I HAVE TO WORK AT IT, SOMETHING IS WRONG. BUT WHAT OTHER AREA OF LIFE CAN WE NOT WORK AT SOMETHING AND EXPECT TO SUCCEED? BUT THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE EXPECT IN MARRIAGE. KAREN: I AGREE. I SAID--YOU KNOW, YOU SAY THIS SO WELL IN THE SEMINARS ABOUT HOW WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME LEARNING HOW TO DRIVE A CAR OR GETTING AN EDUCATION, TRAINING OUR CHILDREN, BUT, YOU KNOW, MARRIAGE REALLY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE SHOULD BE INVESTING IN. I MEAN, IT JUST MAKES THE MOST SENSE. JIMMY: WELL, YOU WORK AT WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MARRIAGE IS--IF YOU HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE HAPPY. IF YOU HAVE A BAD MARRIAGE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISERABLE. KAREN: RIGHT. JIMMY: AND SO IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU WANT TO WORK AT. MORE THAN WORK, MORE THAN KIDS, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, YOU WANT TO WORK AT IT. SO WE HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FROM OUR VIEWERS ALONG THOSE LINES. I THINK YOU HAVE ONE FOR ME, KAREN. KAREN: "I FEEL MY MARRIAGE IS HEADED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. WE ARE ROOMMATES AT BEST. I FEEL LIKE MOVING ON FOR THE SAKE OF MY HAPPINESS." JIMMY: WELL, THE TRAGIC THING ABOUT--WE WERE THERE. YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU WERE THERE WITH ME. BUT, UM, THE TRAGIC THING IS THAT THERE IS A CYCLE OF DIVORCE. AND THERE WAS A GUY THAT I WORKED WITH ONE TIME AND HE, YOU KNOW, KIND OF A SLOUCHY GUY, HONESTLY. AND, YOU KNOW, AND HE WALKED IN ONE DAY TO OUR PLACE OF BUSINESS AND HE, UH, LOOKED GREAT. HE HAD LOST ABOUT 20 POUNDS, HE WAS DRESSED NICE. HE LOOKED SHARP. AND I SAID, "MAN, YOU LOOK GOOD." AND HE SAID, "YEP, I'M DIVORCED, I NEED TO LOOK GOOD." AND I SAID, "UH, EXCUSE ME?" HE SAID, "YEAH, MY WIFE AND I GOT DIVORCED." HE SAID, "IF I'M GONNA GET ME A WOMAN, I NEED TO LOOK GOOD." AND THE FIRST THING THAT WENT TO MY MIND WAS, WELL, I WONDER IF HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT SAME AMOUNT OF ENERGY WITH HER, IF IT WOULD HAVE SAVED THEIR MARRIAGE. IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S LIKE WE GET LAZY IN MARRIAGE AND WE TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED AND THE MARRIAGE--WE FALL OUT OF LOVE. AND BY THE WAY, YOU FALL IN LOVE BY WORKING AT THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU FALL OUT--AND THEN YOU FALL OUT OF LOVE BY GETTING LAZY AND TAKING EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED. BUT ANYWAY, A LOT OF PEOPLE WORK HARDER FOR A STRANGER THAN THEY DO THEIR SPOUSE. KAREN: I AGREE. I MEAN, I THINK IT'S JUST--COMMON SENSE SAYS YOU CAN'T JUST NEGLECT YOUR MARRIAGE. I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE YOU HAVE A GARDEN IN THE BACKYARD AND YOU'RE WONDERING WHY YOU HAVE WEEDS AND EVERYTHING'S BROWN. I MEAN, IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I MEAN, IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA INVEST IN IT, IT'S LIKE, YOU'RE RIGHT, WHY STAY MARRIED? BUT DON'T THINK THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY IN ANOTHER MARRIAGE, 'CAUSE THE SAME THINGS ARE GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN. JIMMY: IT'S THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. KAREN: EXACTLY. JIMMY: BUT IF YOU JUST ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES AND SAY--WE WERE OUT OF LOVE, WE ALMOST DIVORCED. I WAS WRONG. YOU KNOW, YOU WERE PRAYING FOR ME, GOD CHANGED MY HEART. AND I WOKE UP AND I REPENTED TO YOU. I SAID I WAS SORRY FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. I HUNG UP MY GOLF CLUBS BECAUSE GOLF WAS RUINING OUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE I GOLFED ALL THE TIME. AND, UM, THE NEXT DAY WE WERE OUT OF LOVE, I DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMOTION FOR YOU. YOU KNOW, WE WERE NUMB WE HAD FOUGHT SO MUCH. BUT I WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY AFTER I SAID I WAS SORRY. AND I CAME HOME THAT DAY RATHER THAN PLAYING GOLF AND I STARTED TALKING NICER TO YOU. I STARTED HELPING YOU AROUND THE HOUSE. I STARTED HELPING WITH THE KIDS. AND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IMMEDIATELY, BUT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE 4 OR 5 DAYS LATER, WHATEVER, WE STARTED ENJOYING EACH OTHER. TWO OR THREE WEEKS LATER, WE WERE IN LOVE. AND TWO OR THREE MONTHS LATER, WE WERE MORE DEEPLY IN LOVE THAN WE HAD EVER BEEN BEFORE. SO YOU MIGHT SAY--THIS QUESTION HERE, YOU KNOW, BASICALLY, I'M OUT OF LOVE IN MY MARRIAGE AND I FEEL LIKE MOVING ON. IF YOU MOVE ON, YOU'RE GOING TO FIND SOMEBODY THAT YOU CARE ABOUT. YOU'RE GONNA KNOCK YOURSELF OUT FOR THEM. YOU'RE GONNA FALL IN LOVE, YOU'RE GONNA GET MARRIED, AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA BE RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. SO I'M SAYING, IF YOU CAN POSSIBLY-- AND IT TAKES TWO, BUT IF YOU CAN POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK, MAKE THIS MARRIAGE WORK AND UNDERSTAND YOU CAN FALL BACK IN LOVE. WE WERE OUT OF LOVE. WE WERE ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE. BUT WE BEGAN TO WORK AT THE RELATIONSHIP, UNDERSTANDING WE WERE BREAKING A LAW. I WAS BREAKING A LAW. I WAS A LAZY HUSBAND. AND I WAS TAKING HER FOR GRANTED. YOU SAY WELL, MY HUSBAND WON'T WORK AT THE RELATIONSHIP, YOU WORK AT THE RELATIONSHIP. MEET HIS NEEDS. DO WHAT YOU DID AT THE BEGINNING. IN OTHER WORDS, TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE THIS WAS YOUR FIRST DATE. AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. THE SPARK WILL COME BACK. AND EVEN IF HE'S NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING, YOU CAN--YOU CAN DO THE RIGHT THING YOURSELF. KAREN: THAT'S GREAT. JIMMY: WELL, WE HOPE THAT THIS PROGRAM TODAY HAS BEEN AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO YOU. YOU KNOW, WE LOVE TO HELP PEOPLE IN THE AREA OF MARRIAGE. WE LOVE-- YOU KNOW, WE GO ACROSS AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD ON TELEVISION, WE HAVE OVER A HUNDRED RESOURCES, BOOKS, DVDs, CDs. WE HAVE A STREAMING, UH, WEBSITE OF RESOURCES. WE DO SEMINARS AND EVENTS. WE HAVE HELPED THOUSANDS OF CHURCHES WITH SMALL GROUP RESOURCES AND MARRIAGE RESOURCES AND HELPING THEM. YOU KNOW, AND WE ABSOLUTELY LOVE DOING THIS BECAUSE PEOPLE NEED HELP. YOU KNOW, HOW CAN YOU SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE IF SOMEONE DOESN'T TELL YOU HOW? AND SO WE LOVE HELPING PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE. AND RIGHT NOW THE INFORMATION IS THERE ON YOUR SCREEN. WE'RE ASKING YOU TO STAND WITH US AND GIVE YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT TO HELP US COME BACK TO YOU, BUT ALSO GO ACROSS AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD HELPING PEOPLE SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. LET ME SAY THIS. FIRST OF ALL, HELPING PEOPLE HEAL FROM BAD MARRIAGES, THAT'S WHAT WE DO. GIVING PEOPLE HOPE FOR MARRIAGE. MANY PEOPLE HAVE LOST HOPE CONCERNING MARRIAGE. AND WE WANT THEM TO KNOW THEY HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. HELPING LITTLE CHILDREN STAY TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF WHAT WE DO AS A MINISTRY IS KEEPING FAMILIES TOGETHER AND KEEPING CHILDREN TOGETHER WITH THEIR MOM AND DAD. THE OTHER THING WE'RE DOING IS CHANGING SOCIETY ONE HOME AT A HOME. AMERICA IS CRUMBLING BECAUSE MARRIAGES ARE CRUMBLING. THIS IS HAPPENING ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE'RE A MISSION TO AMERICA AND THE WORLD. PLEASE STAND WITH US FINANCIALLY. THE INFORMATION IS THERE ON YOUR SCREEN. GIVE YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT. AND AS YOU'RE DOING THAT, YOU'RE HELPING US, YOU'RE ENABLING US TO HELP MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, AND YOU'RE BLESSING YOURSELF AT THE SAME TIME. THANK YOU FOR STANDING WITH US. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US TODAY. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME. GOOD-BYE. Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday's YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.
