Tackle The Text "Evolving In Relationship"

[Music] so [Music] today i think we have a topic for the ages uh one of the termites of every relationship are assumptions so the way you know you're in the right relationship is you're becoming wiser that a man sets the tone of a relationship the woman creates the atmosphere sometimes we need to just thank god that he doesn't give us what we expect he prepares the table in the presence of your enemies because if you only had an enemy you only need a counter but when you got many enemies you can have a table and i'm asking god fill the seats [Music] come on y'all give it up give it up give it up so welcome to another episode of tackle the text to all of you all who are watching online uh we're so appreciative of you here and i brought some of my cousins today they in here all of my cousins all y'all make some noise i brought my cousins and my kitten folk so they're they're uh here uh at our party i got my all-star team with me i brought my my a team with me to my right is the assistant pastor of the lighthouse church pastor torrence moore to his right is a nigerian assassin pastor rhema and to his right is chef hammond pastor of our west campus come on y'all praise god for all of them thank god for them so guys welcome welcome welcome how are you doing pastor hey ain't no sense of change in nothing because they're here yeah yeah you know pastor if you feel like running and just knowing well you know you know hold on but that stage go down back there so be careful if you come around now that's a long way down but do all your shouting in front of here right here yeah that's all i got the stamina for right here anyway running around here them days is over so you guys you know i didn't pick the topic um they did um and then they switched it because guess what today uh earlier they were saying that we were going to talk about entitlement entitlement we're going to talk about entitlement would you all like to still do that one there's a lot of entitled people in the world today so we'll do that um at a later date but today we're talking about um evolving in relationships so i'm gonna i'm gonna tip it off to you pastor hammond because you've been married longer than all of us and longer than them put together um how long you and marshall been married we just celebrated 27 years [Applause] september 3rd come on y'all put y'all got it y'all got to do better than that stand up lady marcia she's right here y'all just just wave this way seven twenty two seven years that she's been dealing with him yes sir i know how i'd go 27. he's gonna be on my side i don't know man but not in front of her uh 27 years man just i don't know i guess everybody online and everybody in here is like how you got any any clues tips anything like that and and you always say that ain't a blanket thing so it's kind of like what worked for you guys so just kind of tell us what worked for you well pastor i think to this topic tonight the meme the main word evolving and i think to have a sustainable keyword sustainable marriage both individuals have to evolve together i think a lot of times couples will evolve singularly but not evolved together where my aspirations may be to you know be a director in your aspirations meet maybe to be an entrepreneur but sometimes in the middle is where we butt heads because i may be the bread winner and you need my seed money for your business and then i may feel like well i'm not going to give you my money to help your fund your idea because i've seen you fail before but evolving is understanding that just because i may have failed in this area you failed in that area together we're going to evolve together failures and all that's good that sounds like some 27 year old stuff don't it yeah amen pastor rhema you uh you often talk about um as you relate to relationships i hear this recurring thing in your mind that you had to die to self and that you had to eliminate expectations and that for the sake of peace um you would do certain things kind of give us some of those uh clips um of of how you've been able to to to work with pastor stephanie oh she's there with the kids okay okay give it up pastor stephanie okay that's good that's hilarious you better hurry up and answer that question boy but um i i think that yes um i i i came to understand that you cannot grow in an area you have not you're not dead in you have to die die in that particular area first um a lot of people want growth but they don't want death the bible says except the kind of food falls to the ground and dies it remains alone so i think it's very important for us to learn to die um i learned very quickly that men are foundations the foundation of this building is the only part of this building that cannot be transferred um a lot of people know how to date they don't know how to update and in order for us to evolve in a relationship you see you see you see hold on yeah so that's what they do stop him stop him stop what i don't because of what we're talking about evolving in relationships i think we are specialists we know how to date but we don't know how to update and we have to understand you you are marrying a stage you're not marrying a state because she's going to change um and i think that we need to understand personally this is what works for me this is what works for me marriage is not it's not a math equation it's god's decision god's connection so two halves cannot make a whole two wholes have to make a whole marriage and i learned very early that i should stop looking for heart to be the right person and start being the right person because if i am the wrong person and i find the right person i'm going to make the right person the wrong person because i'm the wrong person it ain't nothing to be said bro thank you all for coming tonight um man you could have been anywhere in the world but we're glad you're here with us yeah i appreciate that um pastor you you said something on this stage about a month ago and this is this is no cap it's true yeah yeah the thing went viral i think it got 1.5 million views uh it's still going i i posted it on my instagram page and they watched it another million and a half times so keep saying stuff like that and give me followers but yeah um you ain't give me none of that they said that big growing number one hit one to either so so you said something about men um setting the tone and how did you say that say men men uh set the tone of a relationship women create the atmosphere in the relationship so we set the tone by establishing or setting an environment for the woman to feel safe to love us in and then that's something new yeah then he ain't i couldn't say everything you know you know i couldn't say everything you're trying to get a new clip but but it creates an environment that makes it safe for her to love us in and then when she feels safe to feel safe to love then she creates an atmosphere that that is peaceful for me yeah but let me tell you because see this is the first thing that we have to do because the first thing i had to learn in setting up setting the right tone was to realize how much of a fool i was because the wrong the worst person to be is a fool and you don't know you want it so then i'm walking around doing food things and think i'm in the right frame of mind and a lot of men walk around like that i ain't talking about your brothers i'm talking the truth a lot of men walk around like that being a fool and you think you're doing the right thing in the right season but you damaging like rima said the right person right so then when she becomes bitter toward you then you're waking up and you're trying to figure out what woman did i marry but you married the same woman that you damaged 30 years ago so now you have to deal with the repercussion of being the fool that was me [Applause] so all the damage i did reverend he ain't saying none of that i know it but it was this motorcycle you just you just added see you watch that clip and then you say i'm gonna get back out there no man oh man you added all that extra no man you're right though i had more to say yeah i couldn't yeah he had time to think about it i couldn't say at all you know i think that you're absolutely right all jokes aside because even jesus himself god the father elohim he evolved in his relationship with us see the first time he introduces himself to us he says let there be light so he introduces us to the creative side of him but then he wanted to bring manna to himself so he became a baby because then he has to go from being a creator to a sign and then evolves from being assigned to a savior because then we accept him and then he goes from a savior to a redeemer and then he's coming back to get us so look at how he evolves we see him born as a sign the wise men go find him then we see him again evolution he's teaching doctors and lawyers but what i think happens in the evolution is that not only must we evolve but we must also understand that it is difficult to keep up with the person who is evolving could you imagine how easy it would have been to be married to david the shepherd boy but how hard it would have been to be married to david the king come on man and so you have to understand that you must also evolve because when you married david he was a shepherd boy yeah but david became a king and if you want him to be a shepherd in a kingdom then you will frustrate his purpose i i'm looking at the landrieu's right here to my right every week every week he and his wife send me a picture i got it in my phone right now every week they drive 50 miles for a snow cone she said it's good 50 miles ain't no snow cone yeah it i said i tell every week i'm like ain't no and so one time you know so i started saying to myself okay well you know i got to get myself together because maybe i i got it wrong so i said okay well this snow cone y'all go how far is it i said drop me the location then he dropped it then i realized it was 61 miles from where i lived and i reiterated i said no man i i just what kind of ice is it is it from iceland i mean where where where where is water is water uh strawberry strawberry then i realized because i'm slow it wasn't about the snow cone it was the conversation that he and his wife have in the distance and so that was evolutionary moment for me because sometimes i can be analytical and i can look at it and say okay if i'm on the road for 60 minutes to go get a snow cone then the time that i'm losing on my way that's no corners around the street but if i have somebody of value with me talk brother then i could drive to alabama for the snow cone because it brings about a different result i'm still not going where they go for the snow cone but i will go where she wants to go for whatever it is to do yeah because now i understand an evolution in mindset the other thing that i realized too is that people who are leaders people who are successful people who are looked up to are typically viewed as people who have answers to these complex situations the truth is is there are ceos of corporations in here right now that have failed in relationships there are people in here right now uh who who have millions of dollars in the bank and are suffering in relationships so i wrote a book it's coming out i won't give the title out yet but god gave me something called modern dating he gave me something called modern dating and it's one of the chapters in the book and god gave me this this download on how we have to update um our dating in the news because she told shannon what did you say yesterday oh man she said uh the man she was watching somebody on instagram she said man the guy said baby boy there is definitely pee in the dating pool some of y'all so slow all right what i need you to do is i need you to sit up so i can hit you in the head how many of y'all get it yeah the rest of y'all come on man yeah the dating pool have you ever been to swimming pool somebody peed in the pool and you got to run away from so there's definitely pee in the dating pool the dating pool is soil people are so selfish today people are so damaged and the world is going through a mental health crisis so now everybody dating somebody crazy i don't care how long you been with them because we are all in the house by ourself don't work like we can no human interaction like we used to so so we're all post-traumatically stressed what do they do to the worst criminals put them in solitary so the worst thing that could have happened to us is no no no fellowship um or over fellowship right because some of you benefited from your spouse leaving for a couple hours a day and then coming home and now you got to be there and and now you got to teach your children and now you got to be a teacher and a cook because you don't want food to come here so we all have suffered an episode over the last two years and we're all getting to know people that we first thought we actually knew and we're all relearning ourselves and relearning each other pastor hammond i remember you came into the church uh the last time we were here and and you you served and you sat in the office in the back and you were on the phone and you were taking care of business and you normally have a job that you go to but you were here and you were working on your job and i was walking past and i was listening to you on the phone and but you stopped in the middle of a conversation that was obviously about business and you asked me these words you said you need something and i thought to myself that's amazing yeah that's amazing that you have left your job that pays you to come sit here as a pastor in an office for the day while working and whoever you were talking to had to be somebody you reported to you just stopped and said do you need anything i just wanted to ask you what is the importance of showing somebody you love that you will help them even if you're busy pastor i think for that for me it's a it's one of the foundations of who i am and that's um something called honor and for a lot of people in relationships they will go toward the power in the relationship and not the honor but i've learned over my life that that honor doesn't win you power honor wins you respect and respect earns trust [Applause] and then from trust your trust will prove your loyalty or your disloyalty to the person so it's almost a multiplication a multiplicity of things the foundation is honor but if i foundate my relationship with you through honor i don't have to worry about the power i have the power through the respect through the trust and through the loyalty but if my end game is power in the beginning i'm setting myself up for failure wow what is honor what is honor like you uh being from africa and and and i go there a lot one of the words i always hear on the continent of africa especially in nigeria i celebrate you honor honor honor you're an honor what is what is honor and how do we honor each other in relationship there's there's a saying i have you you attract what you respect modern faster than what you expect and i'd like to say that again what i really what you respect more faster than what you expect you know we always we're church people who quote the expectations and that's a principle expectation is a principle but as a higher principle which is respect and honor even jesus could not do miracles i think honor is the currency of elevation and a lot of people want to go to the next level but they are bankrupt with honor and you don't have the currency of elevation and just like pastor hammond said in order for us to move to where we're supposed to get to i think honor is a prerequisite and and honor sometimes means dying to yourself honor means putting your preference below and putting the other person's priority are both your preference it means celebrating and honoring the difference in another man um because what you saw you reap and so that has also been my watchword that is also what happens back home in africa that's why it's different back home in africa and you've preached there you know how things are because that's the culture that it's it's cultural also i mean there are places you go to andy on the floor kneeling down and you've had that experience before so it's part of it but i want to say something that honor is not just the posture because people can lie down and in their heart you're standing up honor is not just an act it's the heart first of all before it becomes an act yeah y'all need to put your hands together for that that's awesome that's good man you know where i you know i like to because these guys say great things but you know there's scripture that supports what they're saying because rhema is saying that you know celebrate you and to respect or honor someone is literally literally to think highly or to speak highly of them so so in philippians the second chapter there's a scripture there's a scripture up there i don't know if aaron you can put it on the screen or not but philippians if you have your phone you can go there it talks about how you honor someone and it talks about how you push their desires up before yours and it says that you can't do anything out of selfish ambition so that means i have to take the back seat and push you forward really push you forward pastor because in order for our relationship to work i have to consider you first before i consider myself the problem with most relationships is that we enter in selfish and we enter into relationships trying to connect with somebody with my own personal agenda but if i go in willing to put my desires on the back burner and you're willing to put your desires on the back burner then both of us are trying to do the same thing push come on man but if one person is pushing and the other is just taken then now i got a problem with you because all you do is take from me while i'm giving to you but if you pushing me and i'm pushing you then our relationship is transactional and they got something in a car called a flat plank motor it does like this you're in the vein come on and then both of y'all are doing this you're moving that motor makes a sound run horsepower it's got horsepower on it because both of us are doing this but when you got one side of the crank it's going to wear out the engine going lock how many relationships locked up in here because only one side is talk man talk and you get tired of doing that because if i'm doing this for two or three years five years ten years now i got an issue i got resentment i got contempt building up then i become defensive to everything you say and before you know it i'm falling for divorce because only one side been cranking the whole time that's the team build on that remote build on it build on it cause he gonna take it in a minute build on it build on it it's it's almost like one of the ways to know your relationship is going to work is when you have work to do yeah because god never gives you perfect people god gives you willing people willing and this is this is important church because because their their transition and their growth is your assignment let me put it this way man before you ask for submission make sure the wife is your mission and woman before your minutes for affection make sure the man is your attention he has to go both of them wait a minute you got to reset it back it up and then go forward back it up what did i say you said make sure before you ask for submission but make sure that the wife they're so smart they don't even know what they say you know you know he goes because i picked it from what you're saying because it goes both ways yeah we can tell the woman to do this and the man not to do it or vice versa both we we have a pad to play and so the man cannot ask for submission if the woman is not your mission and the woman cannot ask for affection if the man is not your attention so it goes both ways raven raven that is reverend that's another one that's why you need to work that's why there has to be work that's why there has to be work the perfect spouse is in your mind it's not in reality there's no perfect spouse you are anywhere you got to work there's no perfect you have to do the work in fact god gave adam work before a woman [Music] [Applause] that is ephesians 5 the marriage chapter working because the bible gives us both an assignment right he says husbands yeah love your wife as christ or like i loved mine then it says wives respect your husband what are you saying christ is saying wife speak highly of think highly of push your husband up husband don't be selfish because if you're going to love your wife like i love mine you got to give up yourself for her and then when you give up yourself for her then she says i'm the center of your attention then i push you the way i'm supposed to that's ephesians 5 in the work if the husband does not sacrifice for the wife the wife would not speak think highly of and speak highly of but it's it's easy this is something that goes on now because it's the flip side of the coin it's easy for it's easier for most women to love a man that they don't say it respect oh yeah because it's the reason why you see women go back to abusive relationship i'll love you even though you beat me i'll love you even though you speak crazy to me i'll love you even though you don't treat me right because we know how to love women know how to love more easily than men do we too selfish sometimes yeah so we got to get beyond us that's the reason why i want to go too far i'm telling you because i had to learn this before myself that's the reason why when she asks you something your response is different yeah and i'm just gonna pull the room how many women raise your hand if your husband in here raise your hand in the way how many women ask your husband something and he give you a response they get on your nerves oh they talking loud they're so excited i don't know if we need to do this again pastor yeah i'm gonna change the subject let's go to the book of genesis chapter two talk about creation the response i'm gonna throw it back to your arena the the response that you give is based upon your selfishness yeah because when i'm in my chill mode and my what it happened to me yesterday and my wife asked me can you blow the yard off now i got all the equipment i got the longbow i got the weedy though i got the blower and i sit there and i said yeah and she said why you saying it like that that's the problem with you that's what you saw going in on me i said well let me get up i got up when i did all that stuff i had to do and then i felt good about myself because i thought i accomplished something but i failed the test of getting beyond my selfishness because my response initially was y'all got to clap it up for that that's right just just i want to add just one thing to the work then i hand it over to you sir because someone is going to be here and i know where he's talking in the context of marriage this is also applicable in the dating scenario and i because we're talking about work work evolving something just dropped into my spirit now because there's there are people here we can talk all marriage and marriage but everybody here is not married and i i and but you still need to work if you're in a relationship i have a problem with people who play hard to get but they don't work hard to keep after they've been gotten this is a big problem you are you are good at setting up boundaries but you are weak at putting up sorry you are how do i put it now actually thinking it is right now just so you know you are you are you are actually good at setting up boundaries but weak as good as setting up defenses yes that's it thank you holy spirit you are you are very very good when it comes to setting up defenses but when it comes to boundaries you are very weak at setting up boundaries you play hard to get i know i'm speaking to somebody here you play hard to get but you don't you don't work hard to keep after you have been gotten so i don't want you to just think that you just go marriage is the only place where you're not the student you're you are the student not the standard because we go in there and they give us a certificate it doesn't mean you have graduated it doesn't mean you're just see you are a student you are not a standard don't go in there thinking you can no no no no if you play hard to get you must work had to be kept and a lot of people just want to be gotten they don't want to be kept so i know we're talking about marriage and marriage but i want to talk to those who are dating also it's okay to play had to date out it's okay to play hats and how to get but i think it's also important to work so that you can be kept also so that it's not just oh you've gotten me no you are not just a trophy you're a that's treasure that's good well pastor i'll tackle what pastor tauren said when he was talking about that friction um and then in our relationship i realized i had to grow to a point back to evolution of relationships i had to grow in my maturity i had to grow in my maturity to a point that i was okay with my wife being honest with me because honesty is a big thing in relationships and it's it's in dating uh being honest you know when i first meet you and i ask you how many kids you have you say oh i love kids you know you got four um but in any kind of relationships honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure because if you're honest with the person if if i was to go and break the led screen and turn around and act like i didn't do it it's going to be found out because there's cameras in here they're gonna find out hammond did it but if i was honest and said pastor you know what i was walking up there and and kicked it and i'm sorry that mistake is because the loving man he is even though that costs millions of dollars he can be like man it's okay but if i lied about it and covered it up now that mistake is a failure because now i've have to reap the consequences and so before you can reap the consequences you need to understand that in everything you do in every relationship honesty should be your main characteristic i'm going to put it together for that [Applause] i have this thing that i um that i often practice in writing it's called the education in eden and i read about what eden teaches us about relationships uh because the original couple adam and eve they had no example so what we're first dealing with in eden is most of you all are asking the person you're with and being asked of from the person you're with to show them something that neither of you have ever seen so if i've never seen a good husband is it proper to ask me to be one or is it proper for me to avail myself to be one right so so the first thing eden teaches us is that sometimes you're dealing with somebody who didn't have an example and you must give someone credence if you love them then one of your gifts to them is understanding that they are learning on you that's important that's important it's called the grace of god so number one no example number two adam and eve they eat of the forbidden fruit they eat of the forbidden fruit and the moment they eat that which is forbidden they recognize that they were naked god says to them who told you that you were naked they thought they became naked when they ate they did not recognize that what they consumed just revealed who they already were to the rate of what you consume in your relationships will determine what you see each other to be it is what they ate that showed them who they were with because prior to eating the fruit they had no idea that nakedness was a factor now they eat of the fruit so sometimes what happens is is you have friends who are in relationships you go out and eat their negativity with them and then you come home and you see your husband is naked but they were naked before you went to go eat they were naked before and same thing with wives you go with your your girls and or guys you go with your homeboys and then you come home now somebody has fed you their issue and now you come home like yeah now you side on somebody who has never done what the people you have eaten with or hung out with done but now you come home seeking because you don't want to be found next so our decisions in relationship also shows us what we see now here's the third thing now they are naked and then they take a fig leaf and they cover themselves up because after the decision has been made now regarded and the worst thing you can do in a relationship is prevent a person from seeing you because if you prevent me from seeing you then i will assume what's underneath there and it may or may not be in your favor that's good i'm gonna give every woman here an opportunity to think about what i'm talking about if you so you'll you'll imagine everybody does this everybody does this you look at a person and if you are attracted to them you do imagine what they look like come on saints [Applause] but nobody knows that underneath the clothes could be some strings tied together could be some cuts from a result of surgery talk to me y'all i'm not being for seasons i'm being honest there could be some things underneath there that can hold it together and if you fall in love with a silhouette you will be upset come on man because everything that looked like what it is ain't so it's the education of eden and recognizing the fact that true relationship is this that i know what i know and i am willing to accept that which i do not know because the thing i do know is that i want to be here forever knowing the end from the beginning i had to learn this the problem is is that most of us live relationships in stages and if i'm happy in this stage we're going to make it and if i'm happy in this stage we're going to make it right if i'm unhappy in this stage then i might be leaving because i want to be happy here's what i want to be happy they don't make me happy they don't make me happy the truth is you're not happy and nobody can make you happy happiness is an inside job that you have to work on and and and and i believe in and and we were talking about this yesterday there should be no person in your life anywhere that can contribute to the dissatisfaction or unhappiness of the people in the relationship that means your mama shouldn't be [Applause] your children your friends everybody has to be on the peripheral of their relationship and and as you said last time it ain't us against each other it is us against it and whatever it is we come together and we attack the problem because we wrestle not against flesh and blood so even if you are the problem i still go after the spirit because i know that in you dwelleth no good thing but the enemy is trying to use you to get me to act out of character so even if you are the problem we still going to attack the spirit which is the genesis of their problem so that in the end god can get the glory of two lives and i tell you this marriage is not about happiness it's about evangelism you want to win that person to the lord and by the time we finish with each other we ought to both be like christ so that means that if i got a problem with you you work my patience you don't work my patience i got a patience problem y'all better hear what i said yes sir so so what god does is he gives you somebody who highlights your issues but when you weak you make the person the issue wait a minute [Applause] everything about mother warner they've been married how long y'all been married 36 years everything about mother warner is programmed to get on pastor warner's nerve unless he grows wow wow so god gave him not a wife an evangelist and her life is preaching to his depravity and after 36 years he has become a better man because he attended all the sermons [Applause] he didn't skip church for 36 years every day he went to class and the same thing goes in reverse god gave you a minister not a husband and he is ministering to your soul and and and bringing us under to subjection that's why here it is god doesn't give us chairs he gives us trees and if we have the patience we can carve a chair out of the tree which is why thank you for the word god gave the wife a a groom because it is our job to groom you and when when you groom something you take care to cut in the proper places because god when we first get our counterparts i had to learn that i wish i would knew this when we get our counterparts god gives us something he gives us something that creates the person that he had in mind the problem with most of us is we never stay long enough to appreciate what we could be through what he gave us now here is the issue [Applause] because when you pick wrong the other person is not willing to be groomed to when you pick wrong the other person is is is concerned about making sure that you know you're naked but they're clothed when you pick rome the reason why you have survival after 27 years and 10 years and seven years all of that is basically saying i accept your role in my life and even though it ain't comfortable i'ma sit here until i become what god wants me to be understand marriage is about evangelism god wants you to be more like him at the end of this journey so if you lack patience then he's going to give you somebody who works your patience [Applause] whatever you lack is in the person he gave you right that's the help let me let me explain it for those at the back i'm just joking no not for those of you pastor darren let me use you i've used this analogy before but i'm going to use it can you stand up for a second if i step on pastor if i step on his if i step on pastor torrence his feet you actually did it don't come over here listen let me tell you something i fight for my brother i'm over here doing that to me not on these buddy stay over there if i do that we are laughing about it but i want you to have this visual we laughed about it but if someone comes in here with a wound on your toe and i do the same thing we are not i bet you we're not going to be having we're not going to be laughing but i did the same thing but it produced different reactions not because of me but because of what you already had before so a lot of times when we respond it is not necessarily because i did something yes i did something yes i said something but there is a trigger there is something because you're already hurt and you're coming broken and you come in wounded and you come in molested and you come in with all of these things in your mind so you have filters and you have feelings and it's all together and when i step on your toes you begin to produce a reaction and a response that does not defeat that action i want to say something pastor talked about about eden a lot of times we expect adam to be our god even when there was an adam and an eve there was still a god marriage is not supposed to complete you but complement you don't expect from your spouse what god can only give you in the garden passage just talked about education in eden in the garden of eden there was an eve and there was an adam that was still a god and a lot of times when we find our eve we we kick god out of the equation no a threefold cord cannot be broken and i'm going to say this and i'll i'll stop thinking about evolution and what i just said a thought dropped to my mind while you were having this conversation that a lot and i've said it before so he just came back again about abraham and how god changed his name and thinking about evolution abram would never have given bertsu isaac abraham and sarah would never have given birth to isaac abraham and sarai would never have given better isaac it took abraham and sarah to give better isaac the problem is that we're trying to give birth to isaac but we are dating sarai and we're dating abrams as long as you are dating an abraham you would never produce an isaac as long as sarai is dating an abraham you would never produce an isaac you have to evolve from an abraham from an abram to an abraham and sarah has to also evolve from a sarai to a sarah then both of you come together to produce an isaac so let's let's stay right there because i think that one of the evolutions and and i got to get on the brothers on this uh because one of the evolutions i think that happened and it happens as you get older i was we had a staff meeting today and i was telling uh uh ricky and a couple of guys who are 30 31 um that some of the frustrations that they have it's it's a young man's frustration because when you're younger uh you you make things important that when you get older you realize i worried about nothing like i i was i was upset and angry about something that wasn't even going to materialize and we as men what typically happens is we are monolithic in not in our emotions but the expression of emotion so men have as many emotions as women but we typically only know how to show them in one way anger so we can be sad you'll think we're angry our heart can be broken you'll think we're angry we can feel less than you'll think we're angry because as you all say you you have more emotions it is true we have the same amount we're not equipped to express them in the veracity that you you you can cry you can you can uh you can do uh you you can call a friend so we're not we're and we don't call each other we just like we don't know a brother struggling how you doing oh i'm good man everything cool if two girlfriends get the girls like girl let me tell you if he don't get his stuff together he gonna find himself live with his mama because i ain't got no time for all of this so so we don't we don't have the ability to do that one of the things i think that is important as we evolve in relationship i think that men have to become more that we have to become better at expressing our emotions when jacob uh saw his wife for the first time the bible says he cried and one of the things you hear women and daughters say about their fathers at a graduation or when they get married they say stuff like this i only seen them cry one time how many women in here had a father stepfather father figure that in the history of life 30 40 50 years you can count on one hand how many times you seen him cry look at that okay now how many men in here have seen your woman cry more than once this month more than once this year more than once today my boy over there right here cuz three times a day at least you see you see the difference so we are tagged as non-emotional you are tagged as too emotional and neither one of those are right that that men are not right because we can hold it together and women are not wrong because they fall apart the truth is is we have to find a healthy way of expressing our emotions to each other and if that means sometimes crying then it has to be okay for both of us if that means conversation then that means it has to be for the both of us then it leads us to the next idea you got two types of people in every relationship either the internalizer or the externalizer one person holds it in yeah one person over communicates and talks too much pastor hammond let's deal with that because which one is right is the one who's quiet right or the one who's talking right or third option should neither one of those be right and we find a more excellent way pastor i think the for me the answer is uh what our theme is this year the the balance i think there has to be balance in those that communicating those that don't but also understanding a person from their heart versus what they say um i think about that from the concept of recently me and pastor torrance went on a trip and we had the pleasure of staying in the same room and and it was time to go to sleep but i didn't have to understand not living with him before not experiencing it was our first time as a bros trip together he got quiet and at that moment i knew without him saying anything that was his shutdown moment i wasn't going to go into talk mode so i think understanding the person through growth of learning who they are knowing their heart and hearing them without them saying anything now i don't want you to pass by that because i think you just struck gold man no seriously i want to dig in that because it's sometimes plausible to be with a person but want what you want so bad that you can climb over the non-verbals he shut down you decided that's his shutdown mode but let's let's let's flip that imagine it's your wife and she shuts down do you say that's a shutdown mode or do you say are you going to talk to me right you see what i'm saying because i think that sometimes we offer our friends what we don't offer our spouses [Music] and i think to me and that was that was one of my struggles is that i i was a non-verbal cure with the expectation that somebody should be able to read my mind and know what i'm thinking and react to what i didn't say and when you don't react to what i didn't say because i heard myself say it come on y'all i heard myself say it i know you saw that look i gave i know you saw me not make eye contact but you said it anyway so now i now i'm offended because i think that you want what you want more than what i'm showing you i need at the moment i need you to dig in there because how many of y'all have have ever experienced that where where you said it perfectly for pastor torrance but that ain't what most of us do no no that's not what so so i want you to talk to it and i want you to help us for those of us who can't see the person shut down and who can't stop and we keep going what is your advice how do we get to the place where we do for our spouse what you did for pastor torrence pastor i think i think it's it's to the point where you have to realize you got to humble yourself and and i'm i'm i'm getting delivered even today [Music] i don't need no echo by the way that's his wife y'all i'm gonna get like pastor torres now wait a minute um i said only to say uh i ain't gonna say it now i'm about to give you some kudos um but pastor i mean pastor i i remember uh my wife is the kind of person she's loving she's caring uh but i'm the kind of person where like you said i wanted i wanted her for so long to read my mind or read my nonverbal cues and i would come home and she'd be at home and i'd sit on the couch and sit on the opposite end and in reality i'm waiting on her to say what you doing sitting over there come closer and then she said i ain't gonna do it do it for the vine do it for the vine ain't gonna do it and so pastor i found myself getting closer and i'm saying she ain't getting what i'm doing and i get closer and closer and i say don't you see what i'm trying to do well all you had to do is say that you wanted a hug or you wanted a kiss and how many times have we missed out on what we wanted because we didn't speak on it [Music] and when we speak up here and that's that's just not for for for marriage that's for dating because a lot of miscues are because you don't speak up for what you want you want them you you want the man to open the door but you you not my wife had to i'm using this word lightly she had to educate me i was going to say train but she had to educate me on what her expectation was what her expectation was when she got to the door she just stopped there and my the old me would just walk right in i look around where's she at she's still standing at the door waiting for me to get my help itself back to the door open it up yeah same thing at the car she's waiting i'm like i didn't put the car in reverse and left her she's still standing there so sometimes behaviors have to be shown of what the person is expecting [Applause] that sounds like mother reverend you know miss jackie like that well miss jack yeah let me tell y'all something jackie walk around this whole building she be past her because i was just saying we get to do get to the door in the middle of a conversation you trying to so i just know ahead of excuse me boss let me get on over here and open the door i think you just said something i think is worthy of discussion because like okay you're saying that she had to educate you in that but who some people um are not willing to go to class they want to be the principal not willing to go to class i need you to and all three of y'all what do you do because some of the people out there and and i'm gonna get these dms this is what happens every time we break through i get the dms and here's the dms yeah but yeah but that's for all them good people who listen but my case yeah this joker that i got yeah what do i do when he does what do i do when she doesn't so so i heard humility i heard humility but what else do we have for the piston that when you got one side i think that's working and what do you do to get both sides working i think i think you have to for a woman or a man i think you have to have a stance and see like like like uh like mama hammond and mother they have a stance and when you have someone in your life and you're trying to communicate how you need to love me i think you need to have a stance on that communication so mother's going to keep standing in front of that door until you say wait a minute here you go mama hammer going to stand in front of that car yeah until you said oh now let me open this door because you got to have a stance if you come out for your stance then you'll get the same results and you'll be upset with the person that you failed to educate yeah so if you want somebody to look ain't that isn't that love language yes sir that that i have to understand the language you need to be loved in so if i got to stand if i got to keep seeing you stand in front of this door eventually we'll be doing like this but it's going to be it's going to be it's going to be painful to get to that point it's going to cause a lot of arguments maybe but still have your stance because this is what i need in order to feel precious or treasure from you if i don't if i'm not your treasure then let me go that's powerful that's real good so this this is what we're going to do this is what we're going to do i just got a text message uh we're going to take some questions uh-oh we're going to take some questions and we're going to do our best uh to answer those questions uh aaron so right here uh y'all give it up for aaron carter he's going he's gonna moderate this um he's gonna hold the mic for you so if you have any questions let's line up right here behind him we're going to take some again to all of you all who are watching we're just out here live uh just uh it's been good it's been good have you all enjoyed it it's been good any questions just lined up there while they're doing that i think i think that as we communicate non-verbally to one another i think it is very careful i think it is very important that we be careful yeah not to allow communication yeah to transpose into manipulation absolutely because a manipulated person never responds the way you anticipate never what the first law of nature is i have to defend myself myself and i think that we cannot use our words or our biblical knowledge or somebody's failures against them yeah to gain a stance above so that they remain beneath and some people once they get over they never release that grip because that's the comfortable but if there is i said this to you guys yesterday when we were talking i said if there is no communication there is no relationship if there is no trust there is no need to continue trust is so essential in whatever relationship and whatever we're talking about today you can use them in all your you can do this with your boss you can do this with your sisters you could do this with your cousins because at the end of the day our relationships should should have their foundation in love is that correct yeah now the bible says in first corinthians that there is faith love and hope and the greatest of these three is love yes sir but if you read it in the king james version of the bible it says that love hoping is faith it's faith hope and charity yes sir because love is actually charity work given to people who cannot afford to pay you back ooh and most of us don't give love we sell it now hold on there he go [Applause] love selling we sell it for a cost i'll love you if if you don't cheat on me i love you if you buy me this i love you if if that's love for sale but love according to the text is charity which means i have to number one give it away and most times i'm giving it to somebody who doesn't have the ability to pay me back [Applause] and if love is not nestled in that it is dysfunctional because there will be times that you will have to love me and i will have to love you and neither one of us will deserve to be loved [Music] and if i only love you on the days you deserve it and if i only respect you on the days and and this is another thing ladies love is your big word you will understand that most men never asked you to love us we ask you to respect us because to us psychologically when you respect us we automatically feel loved we don't we don't need you to buy us flowers if you respect us we feel loved if you disrespect us we feel hated that's not your key word your word is love now we got to learn how to do that better but we have to understand that that that that plane lands on two different runways from man to woman for us it's respect respect is actually love and when we feel disrespected it feels like hate am i right brothers all right we're going to take a question from a man who wrote a book on this stuff yeah this is brother andrew landry i'll give him a hair that's the man right there that's the man go ahead drew all right so um there's a scripture that people that are familiar with me know that i really dislike and it's the one in ephesians where it says husbands love your wife as christ loved the church and gave his life for it my struggle is not if somebody breaks in my house my struggle is how do i balance or evolve to where it is the protection of our heart and our mind that's a good question you know i think this is this is probably going to be controversial but i think that you have to go in the relationships already knowing that at some point your heart will be broken you have to know that and it doesn't mean that the person is a heartbreaker sometimes we can be sensitive yeah it's easier to break my heart than probably somebody else's yeah okay so you have to understand that but i i i believe this with my whole heart that when you trust a person what they did to you doesn't feel the same way as it feels when you don't trust them so most of the times what we call a broken heart is actually a mistrustful understanding yeah we just distrust the person you have to know you've been married to your wife ever since i've been knowing you i can't tell you how many times you've broken her heart or how many times she's broken your heart but somehow since the two have become one both of you all about the business of fixing it because as long as your heart stays broken so does hers yeah and when you remain individuals you can look at a person with a broken heart and not feel anything and that's when you're in trouble that your spouse or your partner should never be hurting and you're not hurt at the same time yeah i should never be able to see you hurting and go sleep in the room for seven days and never come in there and check on you and walk past you every day something's wrong with that listen after that argument is over i don't know how much time it takes but within a few well i do know don't let the sun go down on your anger so for whatever it takes from the time their argument is sued until it's time to go to bed somebody's heart has to be soft and that might mean the person who's not at fault has to come in the room and say you know what i value our peace more than i do being correct so what do we need to do to make sure that we can get our relationship back on rhythm because your blessing as a man first peter chapter 3 and 7 says honor your wife as the week of vessel that your prayers may not be hindered listen to me men if your prayer if you are a married man and you have unanswered prayers it's probably because you haven't treated your wife right that's a good one god will hinder your prayer life if you don't honor your wife as a weaker vessel you might be at a fast speak in tongues you may know the tongues of men you may know a thousand scriptures but if you don't treat that woman at some point as the weaker vessel god sends your prayer requests to the trash junk box and it's on hold better yet the outbox because there is no connection waiting to be seen until you connect again man that's for us that if we honor our wife as a weaker vessel our prayer life increases and god starts answering our prayers i think i think when you said about it being controversial that we have to go into relationships with the expectation that would probably be hurt i think it's not as controversial as we as we make it because i think it's biblical because christ went into relationship with us knowing see you you not perfect and yeah and he went into relationship with you knowing that you are going to eventually break his heart but he put something he set something up called grace and mercy that he could always be in fellowship that's the bridge between you and him grace and mercy because he set that up knowing that once i marry you and we all married to him once i marry you you're going to break my heart you're going to deny me like peter did you're not going to receive me like israel did so so i know you're going to break my heart so i went into relationship with you knowing that you're going to break my heart husbands why i can't be no different for you that's good right y'all give him a hand great question drew yes man i feel like you just answered my question but um i think um for me and with friends that ask me questions we struggle with when do you actually throw in the towel because you were just talking about grace and mercy so how much grace how much mercy because we know god only gives us a measure so how much of a measure do we give to someone that we are dating or married to and i think that's a good question i'll start and you all go give her a hand that's great so you have to you have to appeal to the better energy inside of you to answer that question because the truth is we take it until we can't right you just you just take it until you can and and then we start saying stuff like the lord know my heart yeah ain't that's a good one there right the lord know my heart he don't want me to be in this unhappy like this now the lord he don't want nobody to be going through this i said all of that the lord don't want this [Laughter] so what do you do you give everything you have until the person you give it to gives it back to you you give everything you have let me tell you something when somebody doesn't want something from you they have a way of letting you know that they are not interested in what you have to offer anymore and at that point humanistically speaking you cannot stay jesus he didn't stay in cities he dusted his feet off and he went to the next city for he could not be the bible be the son of man where they no longer perceived him to be when a person has lost their perception of who you are talk rather talk man then you have to go to another city there's somebody who wants to be saved in another place absolutely so jesus goes into the next city and he goes and he finds a demonic man who's in the country of the gallerians who would not come to him and look at jesus he came to him yeah and then spoke to the demons in him the man accepted him yeah but the demons did not so god says this is what we're going to do in this relationship i'm going to accept what accepted me and i'm going to send what didn't want me off the cliff talk reverend that's good so you give all you have until it is clear that the person you are giving it to no longer wants it man and then you can dust your feet off and go about the work of the lord yesterday i kind of just actually yes very quickly and and another thing another angle i want to look at that also is because that's a very that's a very practical question is the dating game if it's a game it's it's also it's also a waiting game and this is what i mean you cannot date you're not prepared to date if you're not prepared to wait but if i'm waiting on stephanie to go to church i am encouraged to wait for her to get dressed if i can see that she's getting ready that's good man the challenge is when i'm waiting for her to get ready and she's sleeping when i'm waiting for her to get ready and she's doing something else i can wait for you as long as i see the signs of progress that you are making and preparation but if i don't see you getting ready to do what we want to do to do what we've agreed to do together then i know it's over there's no need waiting for you i'm going to be late for destiny so i don't want to be late for destiny so i want to go prepare but i want to go with you so if you cannot come with me then let me go there's some people that will never grow till you let other people go so i think you have to learn how long to wait by watching the other person to see are they getting ready for what i'm ready for good job man and i'll pick you back on that just not necessarily in in uh male female relationships but just in friendships and i was talking to pastor torrence earlier about this that i thought about the relationship of paul and barnabas and paul when he's gone on his second missionary journey he had a disagreement with with barnabas on barnabas wanted to take mark and paul said no no no he's not designed to go and and so they fell out and and barnabas stayed behind and he ended up taking silas with him on the journey and i think sometimes we think when we grow and this is what was impactful for me from that story i never had relationships uh with you know male female but most of my issues and relations with my friends because i thought that people that i expected them to grow for us to grow together and a lot of times we think that people when we're in friendships we should grow together and if we're not together we're not growing but we have to realize that sometimes people grow better apart so i said only to say you need uh paul needed a silas with him when he got into prison on the second journey what would have happened if he had mark with him silas was the one that was anointed to help pray him out of the prison cell so sometimes we take people with us and expect them to grow with us but when we get to the place called destiny they don't have what we need to get further they helped us get there but i just want to get here and stay stagnated and some people are stuck in a relationship because they got the wrong person with them on the journey and god said i'm sending you somebody to help get you out of your prison okay you know and and i'm gonna add another flip to the coin because sometimes god just won't release you let me give you a story quickly real real quick because everybody knows the story of hosea jose had a wife named gomer come on man gomel was an old prostitute cheating woman and she slept yes she did she slept around faithfully hosea returned to the streets and god wan hosea would have done just like me and you jose did just like me and you jose said i'm gonna let it go go on i have to do what you gotta do god would not allow him to separate from her and said hosea go out there buy that i ain't gonna buy no woman back they've been cheating on me but he buy that woman back bring her back into your house reconcile and had more children yes sir sometimes the law just won't release you from that thing and so that's that that's that's a perspective that is difficult for most people in today's society to deal with because letting go is easier but when god does not want release you from that thing you better find out a way to reconcile first with yourself because the journey that you about to go on to keep this person that you're trying to get rid of is going to be a journey for you to reconcile on so you got to reconcile yourself humble yourself do whatever you got to do slap yourself but reconcile so that you can build this relationship that the lord won't release you from yeah because yes sometimes he will be okay for you to move around but then if infidelity was going to destroy every relationship we probably wouldn't have too many marriages if if if we had all these problems out here that was easy to cure through the voice we probably wouldn't have too many marriages because divorce doesn't cure you we just cure it talk man y'all give it up give it up that's major pastor i i'm not gonna i gotta let it go i gotta no no no so pastor come so when do you know when you've met your boaz because a lot of people always say you'll know when you meet him i've come across a lot of representatives and that ain't it so when do you [Applause] [Laughter] know um she said i came across a whole lot of his representatives yeah ruth and boaz one day um boaz saw ruth in the field pick and grain uh boaz asked the question he said who is she she was beautiful said who is she and they said oh that that she's been here working all day so that's that's that's ruth that's uh naomi's uh daughter-in-law she's been here working all day and um ruth said to her said um i think go go take a bath get yourself cleaned up y'all read this story right i think it's important for you today to be ready and go out there and work in the field she goes out there she works in the field and boast sees her and he instructs them to treat her fairly because remember it was illegal to come on somebody else's property and just start working they came to wrangle her up boaz seer says leave that one alone leave that one alone uh i want to see who she is i want to see what becomes of her you know what happens after that naomi says all right take a bath go out there she falls asleep at his feet she falls asleep at his feet then she wakes up the next day he lifts up the cover and seize that woman down at his feet and he says to her what do you want what do you want me to do look at how many instances she put herself in to see the true character of this man she went to the field she saw his response she laid at his feet she saw his response she took a bath bull ass didn't try anything she saw his response the question is is how quick are you trying to assume that this is him are you assuming that just because you were lonely and somebody came around that was attractive or you assume it must be boaz but you haven't had enough instances to see his response in different situations the way you know that boaz is there is that there is enough capacity in boaz for the best version of you so if you are who you are today and i want you to imagine the greatest woman you will ever become boaz already has enough bandwidth to handle who you will become the problem with most of us is we marry people at the stage we're in and never see do they have enough capacity for who we will become [Applause] and you wake up one day and you realize that you have moved in a house that is too small you can't expand you can't grow anything you bring back in the era of growth it is truncated and and talked about you want to start a business it's it's put down you want to do all of these things the person that god has for you everything you will become he has enough room in him for you to be it that's good he won't have a problem with you being an entrepreneur if god made you that and won't be talking about women supposed to be at home pregnant and barefoot not your bow ass he will have enough room in him for you to accomplish all of your dreams and not feel insecure about you being great yes sir as i was going to say too from experience when i was interested in marcy um we went from friends we were good good friends almost like best friends to the point that people thought that she was my mama's child and i was the the friend and i'll never forget uh wanting to to today her and to go out and get on this roller coaster and all that it wasn't to the point that i realized i'm spending so much time with this woman we're going on what i thought was dates but it was she thought we were just going out to eat spending money on her we're doing all this kind of stuff uh my mind was man where is this going i'll never forget driving from out of town and you know i had a cd player pull out cd alpine and i put a put some slow jams in and and we're riding and i asked her i said hey how do you see me she said i see you as a brother we only children we we never had you know your good friend i hit a jack and i put some hip-hop in at that moment pastor i decided that i got to move on because i was i was at a crossroads in my life where i felt as if do i go to the service do i go go back to school or what do i do but i my decision was based on her really my decision was based on her and when she told me that i changed my my mindset said all that to say it wasn't until a week later when i told her that i had enlisted and was about to go off to the service because i had after that and talked to her for like two weeks i was in my feelings she calls me and she says what am i going to do when you leave now all that all that sounds like a nice love story but i said all that and say she didn't see me as her boaz because she she liked chocolate thunders and i i don't fit the bill i gotta get a hold of this conversation before i get out of control so i gotta see i got that she didn't she didn't know to the young lady's question she didn't identify me in the first place as her bow ass but when i told her the decision she realized she said i realized i loved you and didn't know i loved you because of what you did and i didn't know really understand the gravity of how you would treat me already as your wife not even knowing it let's go deeper you're in the car and evidently you got an eject button so you could take your radio out and carry it well yeah pull out cd player yeah you with the green lights album all about it i know all about it and she doesn't respond to you the way you anticipated because prior to meeting her you already got rejection issues so what you experienced in the car is something that you experienced at birth and now you feel some kind of way about her because you stepped on the sore toe yeah see so now she tells you what am i going to do without you and that's music to your ears because all you wanted since you were a boy was for somebody to want you [Applause] and if we don't realize that the toe is already sore then we will have the wrong perception and definition of a god thing because after 27 years that woman is sitting right here today who you were ready to go enlist in the service leave i'm talking about the trauma we bring to the table yeah absolutely and make life decisions based on what life did to us thank you say okay we were here the other day you made a quote that i told you i couldn't get out of my spirit say what you said you see the world the way you are another way it is did you hear that you see the world the way you are not the way that it is and that is what has made esther ruth boaz sarah sarah abram abraham rebecca jacob rachel jacob rebecca isaac it's it's we we've missed our crossroads because we couldn't get over the roads we traveled that's good man i believe in in all of my heart that the test will be over but the trauma can last a lifetime and if you've ever been in a bad relationship and it went sour and it went bad the next thing you have to do is admit to yourself that you're going through some sort of post-traumatic stress not just because of the person leaving you but because of all of the things that people think about you based on the perspective of the person who left and now you going around your family members wondering what do they think about me based on what he said about me or what do they think about me based on what she so now you got that and then you've got children who don't know which way to go and the immature person will use their child to feel better about the circumstance and abdicate their persona and and and their uh their the way people see them their reputation at the behest of an innocent one on top of that what church you're gonna go to on top of that what do you do when you have children from their relationship and their shared parents and you got all of that stuff you you don't even realize how close you came to going crazy it's the truth and then we'll meet somebody else and we'll love how they treat us we'll love how they talk to us but we will hit eject because we were already wounded and we were already hurting and we're never healed i have said to myself relationships don't break people do and when you are with a broken person everything feels sharp every touch every word you you could walk in the room and somebody will say hey um that's the church you decide to wear today what you think about my shirt i'm just gonna say it was nice see already ready to go what you saying what that mean when you have a problem with somebody who is present who hasn't been present enough long enough to create the habit then you have a relationship with the history that is infecting your destiny because the person you just met is not responsible for how you currently feel [Applause] on you want engaged last time we was in church where yeah congrats y'all give it up and we didn't i didn't have a baby neither we just had us i just had a son and you got a baby now oh man that's so good to see you i remember you used to sit right up here on the front on the second row and be praising going crazy it's so good to see you what's your name man good to meet you brother it's a good lady right there uh we got engaged in january and we recently made a major transition from living on our own together to move it in with family to save for our house and to help with parenting but it kind of goes to what pastor tauren's talking about that that movement with each other it's been hard living with family because they have so much influence question who's family my family and so and so and so it since being there if our relationship has been on the forefront and when we were on our own we was able to handle things and let it go but now that we're with my family we can argue about something let it go but then i have family that'd be like you but you forgave him this is this is so huge so now i'm going back like did i make a wrong decision for giving him so i'll go back and say well another thing this is so how can we tune out the influence of family to make sure that we are sticking to the goal of making it to the finish line of being married the first thing i want to tell you the fact that you asked a question means that you got enough power to fix it the fact that you asked the question and i honor you in the most respectful way you have to go it's your mama house it's my dad your dad hey and i am a daddy i am this thing getting harder and harder by the day you got light headed for yourself because ain't nothing like somebody's daughter i'm a true daddy's girl and i think very highly of my dad so when he makes an opinion of a statement about something i take it because he was my everything before yeah so let me tell you something first i just want you to know how proud i am of you for realizing it's a problem because most people will see that and not recognize as a problem it's my dad the bible says therefore shall a man leave his mother and father cleave unto his wife and the two will become one but the bible never said you have to leave your father because the woman needs the back-up plan just in case the man she has changed her name to abandons her she's got to have that but here's what you have to do in order for him because you always want him to feel like the man of your life that is your goal to make sure that he is that don't worship your child make him the head and he comes first before the child and the father it is a very simple conversation dad i'm not perfect neither is he but i cannot view my husband through your lenses so do me a favor and stay out of our business that simple i am an adult i'm not being disrespectful i'm not saying that i may not even need your help one day i just need you to be there in case i do if i don't ask you please don't answer i'm going to deal with it with him and we're going to get through it together you have to stop it because if he tries to stop it it's going to be a conflict and you don't know that your husband is a pressure cooker right now saying to himself if he say one more thing to me i'ma knock her daddy out so what you have to do is you have to get ahead of the war and make sure there is no battle right and you have to create a peace that your daddy all he trying to do is protect you you just got to let him know i feel safe with him everything is okay people have trouble people go through things but i need you to let me and him handle this because you'll put him in a rough situation and and and that's gonna be tough that's gonna be tough so you have to do it i mean you just got to tell them like don't be disrespectful don't go in there being grown and sassy just dad can i talk to you you know how to get your daddy to do what you want to do daddy bear daddy oh i love you daddy i thought i want to talk to you about something dad and you you presented let him know i am safe if you are i feel okay it's hard but it ain't nothing we can't get through i don't want my husband to feel weak he's actually being a man because he here so he can provide me with what you already have he's the father of my child dad just let us handle it and the other thing that y'all got to do is if y'all have an argument leave the house go somewhere else have enough discipline like you will the child not to argue in front of him he should never know anything is going on that's good right there so if you all handle it right and i always say that people shouldn't argue in their house because then you look at your house as a war zone go to a public place typically people who go to public places who respect public will not say things at a table full of people that they will say when they're in the privacy of their home so you have to set the fight up in the proper location and protect your home from the toxicity of what happens when you're so go somewhere else and fight and then come in the house holding hands and he won't ever know anything is going on but he gonna be watching now he's gonna be looking but you got to do that i'll let you all add to it no i don't i don't have anything to add i just want to say that it's the easy part is saying it the difficult part is doing it so you can have that conversation with him but prepare to have the lapses because you can say but is he the first person you go to when there's an issue you have to change all of that so yes you can say but just make sure that you're going to do it when you say it that's good last one you all doing all right all right give me a little value i can't hear go ahead what do you say to women who are dominant and in relationships and you don't try to be dominant but that's what you were raised on my dad is a military man so that's all i know and i don't want to be dominant but at the same time if i accept another man and he does not do it i take care of it myself i just don't period but i don't want to emasculate anyone i just if i say i want the trash taken out that's what that is and if it's not done in a timely manner you see that that's just what that [Applause] i'm about to come down there brother walker who are you talking to i feel her energy [Applause] [Laughter] i'm just i'm just playing don't i think anybody who talked like that i don't think you want to run up on i think you're going to be able to tell all right i'll take the trash out all right go ahead assistant but yeah i don't want to emasculate anyone but i'm trying to figure out how do i tone that down how do you know i don't want to come off as he ain't done this i don't let me let me back up i'm trying to get to that point what's your name la sharonda i see you a lot around here um first of all let me say to you what i said to the fact that you're asking the question i just want us to give our hand the fact hallelujah that you're asking the question because it's not a blind spot the answer to the question and i know they can answer too it depends on how bad you want covenant and until and you're not going to be perfect so don't i'm not going to say this until you know until you can get to the place where at some sort of consistency you can learn as shawnee says the gift of being quiet the gift of being quiet because you'll be surprised how many men like strong women but there is a difference between being strong and being forceful don't lose your strength channel it into an endeavor that can make you all some money or channel it into something where he will appreciate it so you got to find a place to place the strength don't lose it you got to find the proper place to place it now you just got to find some exercises that when you want to as we say word vomit or you say i told you to take out the trash you have to understand that his response is going to be as offensive as your request [Music] and if you reap what you sow start off by giving what you want okay so submission doesn't mean weakness submission means i got enough power to do it but i decide to let you every woman under the sound of my voice is strong enough to do what she want to do but if she is submissive to a man is because she hasn't intentionally dialed the power down in order for the sake of growth peace happiness and love so maturity is the answer talking to yourself and saying self be quiet be quiet be quiet don't say that don't say that don't say that don't do that don't do that don't scar him like that don't emasculate him like that i love him and love covers a multitude i promise you this it is not that you are too strong is that you have not yet found somebody you love enough to be weak if you find somebody or somebody finds you that you love i was watching um a video online the other day it was a dog in front of a tv looking at what is this movie with dogs on tv and the dog was barking at the television and then the alpha dog on the television showed up and the pit bull said cause even a pit bull knows when the alpha shows up when the writer alpha comes there will be something in you the reason why you like that is because you don't feel safe you don't feel safe when you feel safe and you find somebody who will do what you ask and not what you command and recognize that your relationship is not the military that you don't have to be like your daddy he commanded people but you don't have to right when the right man come and you love him enough you will bow the same thing the atheist does when they accept jesus christ same thing a sinner does when he gets salvation i love that the fact that you asked the question i don't want you to leave here don't feel bad about that don't beat yourself up cry your last tear of it you are who you are he's healing you right now in this room full of supportive people and we don't judge you and we love you and we care for you and most of us don't even know you so whatever told you that you are unlovable and that you have to command it let somebody do it without being pushed let me tell you something if i love a woman she ain't got to ask me to take no trash out i vacuumed her car out as a surprise yes sir i'll get a car washed i'll clean the rims with a toothbrush you hear what i'm telling you come on slow down pass oh no i do don't i do all that reverend that's my dog right there that's my dog that's right bro that's my dog [Applause] that's my dog yes sir when the when when when when the right i mean when he like dee her husband ramon let me tell you something ramon used to drive a truck we used to call named clifford he still got clifford what year was clifford bought in oh what year is clifford he's a 2000 red suburban she around here driving in benzes and all that kind of stuff he and clifford yes sir because he gonna make that's she riding sure even if he breaking down or somebody got to come get him when you find talk man the right one trash ain't gonna be no [Applause] problem and that's a long answer and i hope somebody's helped online how many women helped by the answer it won't be a problem just like for us cooking ain't a problem some women just love to watch a man eat just eat just eat and we'll be able to talk about all my belly so i'll just get fat baby i don't count below that thing yeah yes sir all y'all finish it no then and then we're gonna go home i want you to also consider for a second that maybe the personality is protection from the wrong people because when you like pastor said when you find the right person everything works out so sometimes god puts up so you have all of those personalities and because the bible says all things work together for good so while you're trying to work on yourself god knows that you need some of those fences because it's going to prevent the wrong people from coming into your life so just want to be considered at that perspective also hallelujah i was going to say also um i think it's important to understand back to the tone of relationship i think sometimes uh in my experience with my wife uh and i use the word nagging for a man uh when when you experience that that form of repetitive communication that's a better word you become tone deaf to it how many of us have had had the smoke alarm battery beat for a week you become so tone deaf you don't even realize you don't hear the sound i was on a zoom the other day i'm like why don't you hear your battery going off but you're tone deaf and how many of us do our relationships like that that we keep nagging or keep saying the repetitive thing you got to just change the battery chain when i'm saying change about it change how you communicate over time the way you speak and do it with honor and respect and over time the battery get changed and as you guys finish sometimes it's not tone deaf as it is effort deficient cause now i got to go get the ladder bring it in the house too lazy because the one batter we ain't got is the nine volt it's a nine volt you got triple a double a you ain't got no square battery nowhere in your house so now you got to go get that battery so sometimes i hear it but it ain't worth my effort that's good i heard what you said but since i'm mad at you [Music] you'd be surprised at how many alarms you're giving off that somebody you're with is so angry that they're not going to try to defuse it you'd be surprised how many alarms are ignored because somebody's mad it's effort deficiency sometimes as well as tone death because you hear that thing all night every 30 seconds and then sometimes you got to figure out have you ever tried to figure out which one of these you yeah i got to go up there and listen you don't even know which one it is okay so so we're going to go but you are you are you are amazing you are amazing you are a powerful black woman you are strong you are courageous and we are going to unite with god that somebody will come worthy of you laying down at their feet and make sure that when he does that you receive it with the openness that you will know that god has done it himself and that you will praise him in advance for what he's getting ready to do i speak that the curse be lifted i speak that your heart be fixed and that you will learn to trust again because what i hear ain't strength look at me that's just how you hurt that's just how you hurt you hurt in strength because if you stay strong then you feel like you're not hurting let me tell you a pipe that never gets a release will burst and destroy everything around it [Music] look at me it's just me and you in here right now i was you so this ain't a nobody's problem how was you angry mad expectations disappointed confused and i study the bible every day it's okay you are a human being and do me a favor forgive yourself for not being god you can't do it all [Music] you can only do what you can do and every day just get one percent better don't leave here today thinking you got to get all of this stuff they said figure it out before 12 o'clock noon tomorrow yeah just a little 11 11 if the whole loaf god is so proud that you stood up [Music] and your testimony is one that women are struggling with all around the world [Music] and in a society where women have been broken down and pressed down and beat down and disrespected and stepped on obviously the devil lost because there's still some strong women in the world stay in the fight stay in the race and the god [Music] of the earth will give you the desires of your heart [Music] but not before your water turns into wine [Music] bring me the water pots let god do his work i promise you everything will be okay do you receive that god bless you my sister we love you let's stand up everybody let's stand up can y'all give my pastors a hand these guys are so brilliant i just pastor hammond pastor raymond pastor torrence i can't tell you all another i just love your minds man you guys are so smart you're so study you're so learned you take this serious and the body of christ is better because of the three of you i'm better because of the three of you and let me tell you every time we get together i'm a student i'm a student i'm learning from you daily and your 27 37 34 37 44 years of experience is helping me to become a better man every day happier than i've ever been in my life at peace i trust again i smile often i'm light on my feet and the three of you have breathed life into me i want to thank you publicly and i want you to know that what you've done for this preacher you've done for thousands of people across the world and i pray that god will bless your houses and that he will bless you with double portion and that he will give you the desires of your heart and that he will withhold no good thing from you those of you all who are watching online you've been watching an episode of tackle the text it was a little different you probably missed the first half we had some technical difficulties we're going to put the second half up for you the first half up secondly for you to see it i think it may be good enough just to show it all in its entirety what do you all think should we show it again should we replay it how many of you all like to do this again all right got to give the people what they want i'm going to pray for you on your way out [Music] but don't you leave here downtrodden because somebody else is happy in their relationship and you sat here for the last hour thinking when is it gonna be my season and and and and we never got to what should be our next one what do single people do what do single people do because i'm going to tell you right now the misconception is that god wants us all married some of you are called to be single and your marriage according to paul should be to the church so that you can be about the work of the lord we'll deal with it [Music] but what i'm telling is whatever state you're in be content whatever state you are in i've learned there with to be content on the way out um some people that direct messaged me and said pastor uh you had uh sold the shift and we never uh i want my i want an autographed copy i want an autographed copy i just got the book and and when y'all found out we were coming he said well we're going to be in there in this bible study that's where you would normally do it so i've got about i think they gave me 40 copies of the book i'll stay outside as long as you want me to and it's signed we can take a picture if that's something you want to do and i'll make sure i make myself available for that on the other note when you walk out of this door i want you to walk out with your head held high and being content about your circumstance will you do that for me and don't you hurry god don't you test them they that wait on the lord shall renew their strength god dismiss us from this place until it is our season until it is our day we'll give you glory in the meantime in jesus name we pray everybody shout amen hug somebody on your way out if you ain't scared and tell them i love you ain't nothing you can do about it what's up guys we thank you so much for watching this message be sure if you haven't already check out the box below and these are instructions on how to give also if you just don't know where to go where to turn who to turn to if you feel connected to this church if you've connected to our pastor in this ministry be sure to also look down below on how to connect with us and to just join us every single time that you see us on sundays or tuesdays whatever worship service that we may have and i also want to take this thing out with a prayer for you guys we pray that this word penetrates your heart may the blood of jesus be with you all the days of your life every way your free shall tread he will be with you we thank you again for watching us and y'all have a good day hey everybody what's going on this pk here and listen i want to tell you that i get so many dms so many messages of people saying pastor how can i connect with you i love your messages but going through youtube is kind of difficult where can i come to a centralized place we heard you and that's why we created lighthouse 2.0 lighthouse 2.0 is our tribe it's our village it's the place where all the people who say i want pk to be my online pastor and pk says i want you to be my online member this is the place where we go the watering hole the ecosystem where we all come to grow together and it is exclusively for you they're getting ready to put a link up on the screen right now that shows you how you make that exclusive step and everybody can get in so you better take first movers advantage and get in while you can fit in i can't wait to see you inside of 2.0 may god bless you and let's do this thing for christ [Music]

Channel: The Lighthouse Church of Houston

Views: 32,006

Rating: 4.9363585 out of 5

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Id: cZdrGoLH4-k

Length: 115min 2sec (6902 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 22 2021