"How Stupid Can I Be?"

what is the most obvious thing you didn't notice for an extended period of time thus giving you a house stupider my reaction after looking at dozens of places and much careful consideration i moved into my beautiful perfect beachfront apartment one month ago two weeks back i went to make cookies no oven got lost driving upstate ny by myself once at 1am took a wrong turn trying to get to route 17 and wound up in a little town that clearly wasn't where i wanted to be it was a bit foggy and my phone evo was constantly rebooting and i didn't have a gps nothing was open streets completely vacant no signs of life at all it was a bit creepy it got creepier when as i was driving around trying to find a way back to the highway i noticed that there were tuxedo shops everywhere it seemed like every other shop was a tuxedo shop why would a town need so many tuxedo shops it got to the point where i was in a near panic state i started driving faster through this little town counting tuxedo shops i stopped counting at 15 and concluded i was the protagonist in a twilight zone episode panic set in i drove anywhere anywhere where there isn't a tuxedo shop turn around and just keep going don't stop finally i see the highway i drive the wrong way up the ramp cross over the median and get the heck out of there traffic rules be damned i was going to be trapped in some old little town seemingly in the middle of nowhere that consisted of tuxedo shops i was picturing every person coming out wearing tuxedos trying to get me to stay forever i finally escaped and got to my destination i didn't tell a soul about it for about a year one day my wife and i are driving the same route and i tell her about the strange little town where all the shops were tuxedo shops turns out i was in tuxedo ny fml this is the best story ever we had a light switch in my house that i did not notice for 10 years i was fascinated by it for a week after i discovered it stephen wright does a great bit about having a mystery light switch in his apartment had no idea what it went to every once in a while he would just flick it for the heck of it after doing this for several months he received a letter from a lady in germany stating cut it out i've been living in this house for a year now there is a button in my bathroom that with fill up the bathtub automatically i don't even have to turn the taps i'm still too scared to play with the toilet controls i think some of them are for ladies only i pressed the pink button and it washed my balls i was in my 30s before i figured out that girls bicycles have a lower top tube so they can be written more easily and modestly in a dress i always thought it should be boys bikes that had the lower tube because much danger to be fair girl bikes are much more comfortable for both women and men [Music] there used to be a blind shop near my grandmother's house we would drive past it and i always thought of it as an accessory shop for blind people one day i realized it was a blind shop as in curtains and blinds as a child i literally thought the adult world store we drove past on the way to the mall was where people went to fill out their taxes and things this is one i'm particularly ashamed of worst of all it was well before my drug days so i can't blame it on that but i got the sudoku demo cartridge for the original ds and played the game quite frequently always struggling a bit with each game itsudoku is a great game i never needed to buy it because the demo version was giving me hundreds of hours of fun in itself of course the demo was always just the one game over and over for years i would play it thinking i was getting a new game each time i don't know what is wrong with me but i just never noticed and i struggled with each game as if i were playing it for the first time i should probably have mentioned this to my doctor this is very similar to an add test i took at some pseudo psychologist's house they give you a game and test you to see how long it takes to realize that something has changed or hasn't i failed by a few minutes and got a hefty script for a daryl you failed by yours i guess you need m or something stronger than a daryl until three weeks ago at the rypol age of 28 i never knew that pop-tarts go in the toaster i though pop-tarts was just a clever name my parents never did that for us we just took them to school in all their silvery package glory i was bored and reared in the pantry one day surprise surprise there was the toaster instructions the worst part was when i told my fiance who you could imagine's reaction what the frick do you think pop stands for i then tried it in the toaster it was a life-changing moment some go good in the freezer too when i studied in mexico my spanish skills were pretty rudimentary the first month i was there i somehow confused lo seem so with yo cereo so when i bumped into someone on the street instead of saying i'm sorry i would look at them sincerely and say i'm serious once i figured this out it explained a lot of strange looks i work in restaurants so i'm always speaking spanish with the back of the house people and they always ask me como esta and for years i got consado intrist mixed up so instead of saying i was tired i would end up saying something like i'm good sad but good i used to play pokemon red as a little boy i couldn't read english since my native language is dutch therefore i skipped tutorial and didn't knew i could catch the pokemon i played it for over two years with just one pokemon till a friend told me i could use a poke ball to catch them that would have been such a terrible game back when i was in film school we were in our school theater watching back to the future approximately 80 minutes and a girl shouts out in disbelief oh my god i get it back to the future dart was it the part where doc brown says which should send you back to the future for many years i didn't get the double meaning from the sleepy's mattress commercials to trust sleepies for the rest of your life then one day i was driving with my wife and the commercial came on i said why would i want a sleepy's mattress for the rest of my life aren't you supposed to replace them every 10 years or so she patiently explained the double meaning and also that i'm an idiot which is apparently true given the evidence my boyfriend has trouble with that kind of stuff as well the one that really got him was every kiss begins with k i have more than once driven into my apartment's parking lot and thought oh crap my car is gone i got freaking towed again before realizing i'm driving my car there was a guy in my town that drove exact same truck as me same year same color everything i saw him driving and followed him for a few minutes to see if someone had just stolen my truck then i realized i was driving my truck as i was following him up until about a month ago i thought cheek fillet was pronounced chic fill r when someone pronounced it correctly i literally slapped my forehead of course as in phillip i am not the only one for the longest time i just assumed that buzzing cicadas was just the sound that hot sun makes then one day i was like the sun doesn't make sounds not sure if this fits your question exactly as i was taught a brutal lesson in embarrassment but in middle school i thought p was synonymous with pubic hair one day i mentioned to the guys how my phd my newly acquired pubies they looked at me with wtf on their faces so i repeated myself with confidence yep turns out guys don't have [ __ ] but until that lesson was learned i had a p i thought something similar i'm a girl btw anyway when i was about 9 or 10 i thought dong just meant genicles i also didn't know it was a sexual term i pretty much just thought it meant private parts you can imagine my little kid friends when i talked about the new hair i was getting on my dong for years i thought the word several meant seven for some reason i thought it went couple equals two few equals three several equals seven i thought this until the age of 15 when i was opening a microwave meal and asked why do i have to pierce the film lid seven times i'm sure it works equally well five six or eight times i wonder sometimes how i remember to breathe aha i'm not the only one that thought several was seven makes me feel a little better i used to work 311 i would get out of work and go to denny's and grab dinner because it was the only place open in nashua nh where i lived at the time is there another reason to go to denny's anyway you should know that nashua's medium-sized city of 80 plus thousand directly on the mass border not rural nh but so i get out of my car and start walking to the door when i notice everyone looking directly at me from the restaurant everyone even the cooks i check my zipper and it's not open i look around and nothing odd i keep walking to the door they start pointing vigorously i look at my zipper again then around nothing someone opens the door enough to stick their head out and yells for god's sake get in here i look around and point at myself to say emmy i speed up to the door and then reflected in the glass i see the huge bull moose 10 feet behind me once safely inside i see it had damaged three cars and was frothy of the mouth not rabies we found out later just confuse np the good news was none of the four other cars he damaged after i got there and before the police showed up and tranquiled him was mine i almost thought 311 was a convenient store until i realized it was the time you worked so there are these two girls they sit opposite me at lunch i'd say perhaps an hour of time a day these girls are sat directly in front of me five hours a week 20 odd weeks before i'd noticed so 100 hours of being next to these two girls crap you two are identical twins yes we are twins dad i did not know how iced coffee worked my wife got it all the time but i never had any or got it for her just a month ago she asked me to get her some in at turkey hill local gas station i walked in and put some ice cubes into the cup and then proceeded to fill it with hot coffee i stared at the cup and was like wtf i figured i was doing something wrong but could not figure out what i ended up going out to the car and asked my wife to assist it was a shameful saturday morning and she brings it up often tl dr had no clue how iced coffee worked in one of my classes in high school i always used to ask the guy sat next to me for the time he would always be able to give me the right time without looking at his watch or phone even though i couldn't see a clock anywhere in the room i'd ask him how he always knew the time and he said that he could tell by the positions of the shadows around the room after a year of believing this i noticed there was a clock right there on the wall in front of me when you told my brother when he was about eight or younger years old that you had hidden something and he had to find it he would always look in the most difficult spots to hide objects i always placed the toy or whatever on the counter or table out in the open and it took him forever to notice the obvious he's not stupid he's just always making things difficult i thought grilled cheese sandwiches were grouchy sandwiches because i had called them that my entire childhood until i was like 16 and no one corrected me i think that's adorable for a long long period of time i thought that the famous beatles song started hey joo it always struck me as very odd and i couldn't no matter how hard i tried see how it fit in with the rest of the song however for some weird reason i never checked out the lyrics across the universe was a huge oh now i get it moment for me once i received a dollar bill with a deer's head on it instead of a president's face as a gift two years later i was lucky enough to have a son after he reached the age of five i came across the bill again and gave it to him as part of his gift for his birthday he looked at it for about three seconds and said it's a sticker and peeled the deer head off of a normal dollar bill the dear head dollar was a lie for all of those years i was an avid reader of the hardy boys as a young man i read the line i've been misled in one of the books for years i pronounced that as missiled i thought getting missiled was like getting shot down by a missile or something eventually i figured out how it was pronounced gave my wife a good laugh when i told her that story though tetris comes from tetra meaning four all the pieces in tetris have four blocks felt so stupid when it took me 18 years to figure that out fun fact the tetris pieces have a name too to tromanos brady taught me like two months ago about nocturnally in diagonal alley in harry potter nocturnally and diagonally row i knew about diagon alley back when i read the books over a decade ago reread them earlier this year only then did i get nocturnally to mean nocturnally then i was like oh man i tease all dark and shady frick you're clever joanne that band-aids are supposed to resemble the color of skin so they blend in i was probably 22 or so before i made that realization even as a white person i never realized they were tan beige to match skin tone i just thought it was a random color they chose for that particular product and blue plasters you find chefs wearing in restaurants are so they can easily identify them if they fall into some food as most food isn't blue a few weeks ago i for the first time understood why afternoon is cold afternoon i felt so dumb and my roommates weren't impressed reminds me of my breakfast moment you haven't been eating all night so when you eat in the morning you're breaking your fast okay so once or twice a month we order take out from a burger shop near our house every time i call up and make an order at the end of the conversation whoever i'm talking to usually says something along the lines of okay that'll be 15 minutes and it's 42 inches the number at the end changes every time and i assume they were telling me how much it was i'd do the math on my way there i get confused because it was always wrong one day after about six months of this happening and having ordered a fair bit of food the young boy said okay thanks that's 116 inches i thought they can't be serious we didn't order that much went down and it was about 50 bucks i asked why they always quote the wrong price and the lady said loudly oh darling that's not the price that's your ticket number prompting laughs from everyone in the store no i think i'd rather pay the 116 in your defense though most places usually say the time than the cost of the food most often they ask for your name earlier in the conversation so you can claim it later i'd be confused too i hop equals international house of pancakes i actually thought they were two different chains why are we pulling into the ihop parking lot i thought we were going to the international who oh my god i was all excited too cause i thought i'd never been to an international house of pancakes before when i first got my playstation 3 i had no idea the controllers were wireless i kept thinking why the frick did they make the cord so short i was scrounging usb extenders from work so i didn't have to sit so close to the tv eventually i did something in the controller unplugged and continued to work i felt like i giant dumbass i frequently feel like i am forgetting something on my way to work i always do a complete mental checklist to make sure i'm good to go i'll be driving and i'll go bro undies shirt pants socks shoes watch okay i'm dressed my hair is tied back i have my lunch my purse my coat my advantage to get past security and into work several times i still feel like i am missing something on more than one occasion i've been close to work and gone oh crap my keys and turned around only to a few minutes later realize frick i'm a freaking idiot jesus christ freaking stupid all my keys are on one key ring i'm driving my car thus i clearly didn't forget my freaking keys it takes me way longer than it should to realize this every single freaking time it happens i'm truly an idiot sometimes i do this at least once a month i also pat my pocket while talking on the phone and freak out because i can't find my phone i'm 31 and have never been a very strong swimmer i can stay afloat but getting from pointer to point b is cumbersome a few weeks ago i was in the pool and i realized that although i cut my hand slightly when i swim flippers aren't like that at all they're flat blades so i straightened out my hands and now they're actually useful they knife through the water and behave much more like i would expect necessary to swim well try kicking with your whole leg too not just the lower leg your hips should move a little with your kicks my boyfriend just realized he was doing that wrong recently blew his mind he's like i can actually move now i think i was in my 30s before i made the connection that cracker was a throwback to slavery days of the whip cracker i had always thought it was because crackers as in saltines were creamy white like me toddlers are called that because they toddle whenever i think of small children now i picture small drunk humans toddling about i'm 26 years old and probably one year ago i was told that cobwebs were made by spiders i had no clue i felt like the dumbest person alive i just assumed it was how certain dust formed now it makes sense of course when you look at it and see it that's it's just spiders webs with dust on it that my aunt's friend whom she was always with was in fact not her friend but her wife they were together before i was born took me until about 13 to put two and two together i didn't realize that aka men also known as i knew they meant the same thing but didn't spot the obvious acronym until i was explaining aka is very similar to also known as to a child not me but my dad he didn't know that ambulance was written backwards on ambulances to read in your mirror until he was about 45 he's almost 60 now and we still give him a hard time about that one my oldest sister had twins the middle sister also older than me was standing in the kitchen when she said to the oldest i knew you were having two babies but i didn't know they were twins possibly the worst moment of my mother's life that the sketchy building just down the street from the house i grew up in is a strip club that isn't remarkable i know but i had driven by and stared at that building countless times without ever thinking about why the billboard had a naked chick on it and said dancers nightly it hit me one day like a crap ton of bricks how stupid i must be to miss that then one day last year i was driving by with my cousin and we saw a woman outside in a short skirt with a purple wig much laughing ensued have not been there myself that orders isn't pronounced wd overs similarly that the light fancy finger food at swanky parties isn't called orders i'm a pianist who has been playing for 18 years i teach private lessons and a few weeks ago i was teaching my eight-year-old student to play chopsticks for fun and she observed oh it's called chopsticks because you play with two fingers like their chopsticks my head fell off my friend and i were trying to find a place to have lunch we didn't want to go far from campus since we had class soon my friend then said hey let's try this place plus it's 20 off for seniors but to which i replied those are for people over 60. if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] so bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 24,014

Rating: 4.9325085 out of 5

Keywords: how stupid can you be, how stupid can i be, stupidity, stupid, dumbest, dumb, obvious things, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit stories 2020

Id: HmXFFxG5aRE

Length: 21min 45sec (1305 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 23 2021