How Does a Rideshare Driver Even Get a 3.8 Rating? - Jaboukie Young-White

I was I was taking a lot of rideshares when I was in LA because I can't drive because I'm gay and I I had this one driver this one time he had a 3.8 rating like are you murdering people I got out the car like zigzagging to my apartment doesn't gates a guy turn around it just took my phone gave himself five stars drivers be thirsty I was trying to smash a couple though honestly it work you there was one time I got in the car like I got really close right get in the car we were like flirty making small talk he's like oh were you coming from and I was like a show he's like oh what instrument do you play and I was like The Voice but I know I do stand-up or whatever and I say or whatever so he thinks that I'm humble and and then he goes oh my god like I love stand-up I've written a couple of jokes but I'm a little nervous to get on stage and try it and I was like oh my god you seem like you have such a natural stage president what he was like you so I was like you know what how about this how about you just like tell me a joke right now in the car and we can just like work on it together he was like are you sure I don't want to like waste your time I was like no just go for it he's like okay okay so uh me and my girlfriend I was like needs work right here is fine actually you ain't got to slow down I'll just roll that's cool I'm very addicted to technology it's like it's kind of a problem I realized I was addicted to technology when I got robbed and this dude was like it's your fault worth your life and I was like and I stole his phone ran away and followed myself on Twitter from his mom which which is cool the thing that makes me the saddest about technology though is like there's so many jobs that are just disappearing and it's like what's gonna happen to the bootleg DVD salesman you know and that makes me so sick cuz I used to love watching bootleg DVDs cuz it's like whenever you watch it you were never alone cuz like you're watching it with that person you know you be in the middle of the movie you just hear like [Laughter] crazy though and I'll be like damn Nemo is crazy didn't realize that just but I I do I love like learning like about Sciences learning about tag stuff like that one of my favorite things to do is to research which animals are gay you know giraffes by his [ __ ] you know something about the neck we don't know but there's not that much research done about which bugs are gay right and I've looked it up I've done some of my own and they said that sometimes like two male bugs will like mistake each other for a female and like accidentally have sex and it's like okay I went to college so I made a slide that's a very comprehensive list of which bugs are gay or not so let's go dragonflies the fact that dragonflies we'll just like hover in air perfectly still like that not moving gay that requires classical training you know like they went to drama school ladybugs every ladybug is a lesbian but they got this boat lipstick right here but you if you zoom in there's Birkenstocks on every every one of these beetles lesbians as a strap [Applause] B's the fact that you're so willing to hurt someone that you would die for it that's gay like the pettiness that that takes there you get and they worship a queen like come on wasp wasp astray the visible feeling I don't need to explain it we all get it and look at that interior design you know like it's just not up to par butterflies gay I mean come on you know they go in the cocoon College they pop out they start that and you know it classic queer narrative cicadas the fact that they just like take off their clothes and leave it anywhere that's straight you know it's like pick up after yourself cicadas yeah yeah every fragment is gay as like look like let's get these David scorpions are the insects are there spiders neither there by cockroaches are gay because they're everywhere and you'll never get rid of them [Music] ants with ants it's like you're working so hard what are you hiding [Applause] I just think ants need to do some soul-searching and zeti Lemlich is gay and that is a complete list of all the bugs that are gay I know because I [ __ ] them all [Applause] you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 473,048

Rating: 4.9278908 out of 5

Keywords: Jaboukie Young-White, Comedy Central Stand-Up Presents, Jaboukie Young-White comedian, Jaboukie Young-White stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, Jaboukie, Jaboukie twitter, rideshares, ride share, driving, Los Angeles, LGBTQ, LGBT, technology, twitter, bootleg DVDs, bootlegs, bugs, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up

Id: 3s-gQg8tIXU

Length: 6min 2sec (362 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 25 2020