How BAD is Hawkeye???

Jimmy the weasel Las Vegas PD shit you don't have nothing on me hey Jimmy I'm just trying to do my job tonight name is Alexander Nakamoto friends call me hock fuck you you're not my friend they call me something else yep get ready for this one there's a good chance I'm gonna start sweating throughout this review it is so hot here right now it sucks I really hate shooting videos in the summer when it gets this hot it's terrible this movie is Hawkeye from 1988 it was requested on the Facebook page by Evan I think and he requested this way back in April so as all you all know it takes me forever to do anything who's surprised now this is a buddy cop movie which actually has some similarities to samurai cop which came out in 1990 so not long after this and I'll mention some of those similarities throughout the review with this movie you can just skip going down the bad movie checklist and just hit select all because it's all here I couldn't really find a picture of the poster for this movie except for this which is just a photograph of the front cover of the rented VHS and I can tell it was probably rented because of the squeeze and shake case I just feel bad for whoever rented this in the first place the movie starts with a drug deal and a scene that was obviously written by someone who's never witnessed a drug deal this is just the painfully typical cinematic version of a drug deal you can pretty much go through the checklist takes place in a dark alley late at night briefcases and of course the classic line you got the stuff and another line which I'm sure every drug dealer says before every transaction right let's do the deal so Cory heart is gang betray the bad actor but what the fuck is this there are some words exchanged here it's just too bad we can't really hear them because the audio recording is so bad and that's something you're just gonna have to get used to while watching this movie it's it goes on throughout the whole film but it doesn't really matter anyways because we all know what's gonna happen here these two people are wondering where Hawkeye is so the woman goes to call him and I find it amazing that in 7 seconds she manages to go to the phone dial the number and find out that Hawkeye is out in a temple in the desert taking a black belt test now if you thought the guy in the first scene was bad at delivering lines well buckle up 41 years old and I'm testing for this black color must be crazy not as crazy as me no listen here I've been in a military for 18 years trained in Korea and Japan real killer stuff now I come back and test for this belt Las Vegas grand temple these guys are animals wow that was so convincing I almost forgot I was watching a movie now on to the next scene gee I wonder if these people are planning on robbing the bank so during the bank robbery one of the tellers hits the silent alarm and just listen to the intensity here I mean you can just feel the suspense cranking up all units we have a 211 in progress at Las Vegas City Bank at 4th and Las Vegas Boulevard please respond so hot guy wants to get his black belt because his trainer at the YMCA told him to get it I'm serious I'm not making that up that's the line in the movie so after they casually kill a hostage with the shotgun Hawkeye and the other cops just start unloading their weapons on the game you know seems safe especially with all the hostages there so after that bloodbath Hawkeye has to show some young kids what it's like to be a cop hey hey you ever killed someone yeah one some kid that talked too much you put his face in my face all the time you know what I did I took my gun out and I put it right in his head and I blew a hole in the back of his head and then I hit him in the groin so hard that his eyes turn blue then it puts him in the stomach so hard he tried to vomit but he swallows on Vaughn because I held his neck so hard I put fingerprints in his cheeks now you're gonna start seeing some similarities to samurai cop like here where this woman just comes on to him randomly at and completely inappropriate time set a real gun yeah that's a real gun can I touch it no no you can't touch it also his superiors make a reference to something that never happened you call punching out a bank teller talking their language seriously no one punches out a bank teller during the robbery I went back through the movie and watched it didn't happen you also notice this that's right he has a partner that's right meet your new partner partner that's right partner partner partner partner and as well I mean isn't it obvious both have a mustache the only difference is that Hawkeye and Charles don't get along like samurai cop and Frank do you know something hot you just do you just piss me off all right look you don't know me and I'm not your friend so I don't appreciate your little jokes stay off my back stay out my way and stay out my face that's it let me give you some advice what the hell you want to eat also I just I couldn't help but notice that he sounds a lot like Eddie Murphy in this movie my name is Charles Wilson and I'm here to tell you what it's like to do my job so think of me like officer friendly I'm officer friendly and I'm very glad all you like Police Cadets and you all wannabe cops that's great so they're investigating the murder of Sammy the guy at the beginning who was just terrible at dealing drugs and apparently Hawk I knew him and is just really broken up by the news as you can see now they go talk to Sharon who was Sammy's wife and I just wanted to point out that when you're recording audio and you here a plane overhead it's best to wait until the plane passes by or else you'll end up with audio that sounds like this I've been doing alright how about yourself you've gone through hell I'm hanging in you know he's my partner Charles Wilson he's assigned to Sammy's case that's cool Charlie's gonna do everything you can to help us don't worry so uh exactly where you from Sharon it's another good idea to get room tone as well it really helps with editing so really all that is really quickly is just when you're shooting a scene you know before or after you shoot the scene get everybody on the set to just be silent and then just record you know 20 seconds of just the tone of the room itself I know that sounds weird but trust me if you do it will help you a lot meditate so they talk to this drug dealer in what apparently is supposed to be an interrogation it's kind of a weird interrogation I mean I'm not a cop but I do watch the first 48 and I've never seen anything like this and for some reason Charles says it's time to exercise so just cuts to them jogging down the street now while they're exercising instead of working on the murder case they realize they're being followed which is some really fine police work I mean I would have never known this guy was following me just look at how discreet he is running right across the middle of the road so of course they do the logical thing which is just to beat them up this random person really hasn't done anything illegal so far except maybe jaywalking then they find out he's a reporter working on a story about police officers so to make things better Hawkeye let some wear his hat for some reason and they start taking pictures with them because yeah that will rectify the assault and this is one of many scenes that really comes up out of nowhere and has really no point there's no point to this scene it leads to nothing it doesn't propel the story at all it doesn't there's no call back to it later in the movie I really don't know why it's here so I just don't see why you'd have to sneak around to get the story and what are the police officers doing now well looks like they're jogging hopefully they don't see me they might stop jogging the next scene just how a bunch of guys in a room talking with a shirtless man pacing around because you know that's not weird at all the only problem is that I have no idea what's going on because there's no subtitles he tells the shirtless guy to go do something and he agrees but then but you don't know what he's going to do he doesn't go and do anything and then to make it worse you never find out because they never show us it never happens so they go visit this karate school where this guy takes them out probably because he's still mad about his haircut he since a psycho does best black code students toughest in our Las Vegas yeah all right I don't see any brothers in you know yeah but I see a boom mic I mean seriously how do they miss that it's not like it's not noticeable unless your camera op is asleep which honestly wouldn't surprise me now all of this leads up to exactly where you think it's going a fight scene and I'm serious this fight scene is hilarious it's probably one of the best parts of the movie for sure my only complaint is that I wish it was longer now the whole point of that scene was because they're looking for this guy mister Sakura and they find out he's going to a restaurant so they show up at the restaurant and I'll wait hang on a second okay there we go now as they're leaving these two guys come in and try to rob the place and I mean come on was there a wardrobe department for this movie does this guy look dressed for the part to you he looks like he just came in from a dinner cruise it's just too bad they picked the wrong guys to mess with because apparently guns and knives are no match for a bottle of Windex now hot guy goes over to his girlfriend's house who is totally pissed because she hasn't seen him for so long I hate this I can't keep going on like this with you what do you mean like this with me the movies are great the dinners are great the sex is great well that's good because movies play a key role in building a relationship with somebody I mean you pick bad movies man for some girls that's a deal-breaker right there why do you think I've been single for so long there's a good chance I will die alone because of this show I can call you and leave messages that you don't return you know sometimes you're a real-ass Hawkeye do you know that now that awkward pause happens because she's waiting for him to give a response but he doesn't but instead of having this long awkward pause by holding on the shot a good idea would have been to cut to him not responding or just giving a silent reaction really anything it doesn't matter and then cut back to her because otherwise this just looks like a mistake so she kicks him out and he decides to get a drink at a bar called cocktails which is obviously a gay bar but he's too dim-witted to even notice I thought this guy was supposed to be a detective now this is another scene that really has no point at all doesn't add to the plot or the characters and really it's just here to add on to the runtime of the movie in fact the next few minutes of the movie is like this stuff that is really just wasting time like the shot of Charles coming home walking into his house seeing his wife going upstairs oh then Hawkeye coming back to his place and then calling three different girls and leaving messages for each one now what's doing what is this is that you leaping through a photo album oh that's great yeah this is really propelling the story here you better slow down the pace a bit guys I'm having trouble keeping up finally Hawkeye calls Charles on the phone like hey there's only 30 minutes left in this movie maybe we should get back to the plot so Sakura has Sharon kidnapped and taken back to his hideout or office or something the place from the beginning of the movie with the guy phasing around the room and he's in this scene too the only weird thing is that the second shot of him looks like it was shot at an entirely different location and probably on a different day seeing that he's now wearing a different shirt but at least he's wearing a shirt so there's that now this is interesting after they arrive at Sharon's to find out she's been now Charles calls the captain on the phone and while the captain is talking to him you can hear Charles's voice but not through the phone on the same as set as the captain and don't you know what he contributes over a hundred thousand dollars a year the mayor's campaign fund Cesario he's doing the mayor's daughter for Christ's sake Wilson so they decide to have some coffee which seems like the appropriate thing to do in this situation and then they find a key which could open a locker wave exposes that locking key it's supposed to bed and go to the train station locks poses like the airport are busted she could be anything but when we get them all we hit them all maybe in Texas you can go to one place but there's so many these kind of places all wrens okay now I want to play back that last part for you guys again maybe in Texas you can go to one click but there's so many of these kind of places all rims it's almost as if you screwed up the line or tried to improvise it and the director just said yeah let's just go with it now the shirtless dude from the beginning comes into the scene and takes his shirt off why for what reason now I'd love to be able to tell you what's going on in the scene but I can't I'm pretty sure nobody can someone gets hurt that's pretty much all I can tell you who that person is or where this takes place is a complete mystery though and why is this guy yelling all of his lines she's a super class I mean where did you find these people did you actually hold auditions or did you just pick up random people from an alley somewhere I actually hope this guy did do an audition because if there's a video of that that would be hilarious um hi there hi I'm Mike appear to audition for the role of random thug number nine okay so the line is hey what are you guys doing here alright okay hey what are you guys doing here man now they're going through a hallway and have to fight some more thugs and again like samurai cop it's pretty obvious that they under crank the camera to make it look like this is happening faster than it really is which is actually okay because it just adds to the hilarity of it not to mention how easy it was for them to just walk into the room and get sharing back and now let's follow them on the big escape down the stairwell the whole stairwell every floor no matter how long it takes or actually begins to take away from any intensity the scene was supposed to have now this I don't understand the bad guys pretty much have the drop on them Tony even screams out die but they don't shoot them and then we just have this awkward standoff until the bad guys drop their guns so they make it to the locker at the transit station with the bad guys in pursuit now for obvious reasons they seem to be moving as fast as they can because well they're being chased by people that want to kill them well for some reason that urgency just dissipates as soon as they hit the escalator which gives the bad guys the opportunity to shoot Sharon I mean it doesn't matter that the escalator is moving you can still move down it if it was me I'd be flying down that thing and then for some reason they just get away are the bad guys just unable to follow them anymore for some reason do they have a fear of escalators woah woah woah woah that's an escalator guys if I don't time this right that could just throw me off my balance completely okay well you know what screw this I'm taking the stairs it takes Charon to the hospital where she dies and I just love the acting here hock I just stands there completely still but here comes another great line delivery I want your ass Hawke Amato I wanted to all because you're through signing up of youtubers fee so now as they're standing in the parking lot thinking about how they lost their jobs suddenly the bad guys show up and shoot it out with them the ensuing chase and shootout is actually the most action-packed part of the movie I mean I don't know where the bazooka came from but at this point I really don't care so they take the money from the locker which was $600,000 and bet it on roulette which they lose so now they have no money and no jobs but everything ends up ok because look they turned around and stopped just long enough for us to get a freeze-frame showing their back pockets they still got some of the money not six hundred thousand dollars probably a couple grand at most but for some reason I guess that makes everything all right now although Hawkeye has it's funny moments it's not a film I would classify as so bad it's good really I found far too much of it just brutal to sit through so with all that being said I'm going to give Hawkeye a 9 on the bad movie meter it fails in too many ways to count however there are those funny moments which are pretty hilarious which add to the entertainment just a bit to be honest I don't even know why I started using the meter you're never going to see like a 3 or a 4 on here I've already started working on the next one we'll see how it goes what is that I'm watching Theodore Rex right now with Whoopi Goldberg I've already resorted to drinking while writing the review so that's a good sign okay I try one more cat try this one she's at Sakura's place okay so I'm getting beaten up and then she's at the courage place okay all right mm-hmm she's add Sakura's place wait I'm sorry I could do that better I can do it better one more okay oh she's that's the cars place you

Channel: FanboyFlicks

Views: 326,862

Rating: 4.9538312 out of 5

Keywords: Hawkeye (Comic Book Character), hawk, cop, Police (Film Genre), Police Officer (Film Character), cop movie, Buddy Cop Film (Film Genre), bad movies, movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies, funny, hilarious, Comedy, worst movies ever made, bad special effects, Humor, Film (Film), 1980s (Event), Laugh

Id: 3c6HsMl38FE

Length: 20min 2sec (1202 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 20 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/sir_shnookums]

Not at all. It's freaking amazing.

[u/ChefoZilla]

Leo Fong and George Chung are great low budget action filmmakers

[u/Dreadphile]

Fake Eddie Murphy is my favorite.

[u/Seamen_Rag]

Oh sweet, looks like this one's on Prime Streaming. Know what I'm watching tonight. Thanks!