Dangerous Men - BAD MOVIES!

okay welcome to a new episode of bad movies everyone in this episode I'm gonna be reviewing a movie that started production in the 1980s was completed in the 1990s and finally released in 2005 if you can believe it and I'm just going to tell you guys right now this movie is so bad and not even one of those so bad it's good situations it's just bad it's it's a brutal movie guys I'm serious everything about it I wouldn't recommend watching it even with alcohol so let's start off by taking a look at the poster I've done that in a while and there's actually a few posters for this film but just by looking at them you can tell that the distributor of the movie Drafthouse films obviously knew what they had on their hands and decided to market it as such which is actually a really good idea it's a bad movie so why not advertise the fact that it's a really really bad movie and that might actually get people interested as where does that sounds that actually works it did work I watched it and not just for this show I watched it because I was genuinely interested in how bad it could really be this poster has the tagline the holy grail of holy [ __ ] the other posters feature some of the characters from the film like Mina black pepper chief and this character is just called police detective I guess 25 years wasn't enough time to come up with an actual name for the character so the film was produced by John s rad and Iranian filmmaker whose real name is you know what I'm just not even gonna attempt that anyways he pretty much did everything here the opening credits make sure that you know that you may notice that it also says original music song and lyrics by John rad and what that means is for the next hour and 20 minutes you are about to suffer through one of the most annoying instrumental loops ever featured in a film seriously it's so bad it sounds like something out of a cheesy 1970s porno I'm guessing I found it hard to figure out exactly what was going on during the beginning of the film so it starts with this police detective named David surprising his wife with an anniversary gift by the way this has nothing to do with anything seriously the anniversary is completely irrelevant we never even see her ever again throughout the movie and now we cut to these two people this is his brother Daniel and his fiancee Mina and when you're shooting a movie but you don't have the budget to shoot in a location where you can control the sound you end up with a lot of background noise especially in a location like a restaurant such as this that's open to the public and what happens is you end up with really odd sounding audio like this I love you very very much meanwhile David is pretending to smoke a cigarette when suddenly an armed robbery takes place and you gotta love this fight choreography by the way it's not just this scene it's gonna be like this throughout the entirety of the movie having my shot and this should go without saying but the acting in this movie is exactly what you think it's gonna be but there's always a few moments that stand out from the others congratulations you're getting a fine woman I lied Nina be careful on the way home okay I'll see you soon okay see you there my favorite brother Daniel and Meena go out to the beach where they're spotted by two bikers looking for fun I guess their idea of fun is rape and murder so the one biker starts a fight with Daniel while the other tries to right Nina but Daniel ends up killing the one biker which leads to the other one stabbing and killing him now as he's walking away Nina runs up to him and convinces him that she wants him now I know she's just doing this as a ploy to get close to this guy so that she could murder him but I have a hard time believing someone would be instantly able to repress the emotions that come with watching the person they love murdered right in front of them another thing I should point out is that when you're doing a scene with a lot of dialog it's always best not to use music that has a lot of singing in it and if you do you got to make sure that the final mix is done really well and the music is really well in the background or else you're going to end up with something like this you suppose right ever get some beach so in the motel room Mina pretends to take a shower while the biker licks the blood off his life I have no idea why you would do this lightly at the same time I felt like button now maybe it's just me but this seems very odd and specific rub your knees while licking your belly button at the same time are there any more requests from the audience maybe so spin some plates while you're at it a few balloon animals maybe however I have to say there is a reason for it she wanted to get him in the perfect position so that she could stab him to death with the steak knife she was hiding between her butt cheeks so after killing the biker with the butt knife Mina hitches a ride and during the trip to somewhere she dreams about the past so many memories like that time she snuck up on her dad reading a book and scared him not when she was a kid though this looks pretty recent like she's a grown woman in this scene or the time when she said she'd cook dinner for her father and Daniel yes that's can't forget that one quite frankly I'm a little surprised that her dreams weren't more about her time with Daniel specifically you know seeing that he was the love of her life and was just brutally murdered less than 24 hours ago so anyways the driver just suddenly decides what the hell I might as well rape this girl yeah why should I toss up this kind of an opportunity oh I don't know I could probably think of a few reasons the main one being that it's just wrong I mean there are many times during the course of a day where I could commit all sorts of crimes I just don't do them I mean just the other day I was at the bank I I guess I could have attempted to rob the bank but I don't know I guess my conscience and common sense just got in the way as it typically does so Mina threatens to cut off his junk makes him strip off his clothes and steals his truck and for some reason we're now treated to an entire sequence of him wandering around naked which goes on for five minutes at one point after trying to figure out how to get out of the situation he declares there's nothing left to do but dance and starts dancing none of this makes any sense it's completely pointless we're never going to see this character again and to make it even worse it's intercut with Meena crying upon finally coming to grips with what happened to Daniel so as an audience were supposed to simultaneously feel sympathy for Meena and find comic relief in this Meena comes home to her father and somehow convinces him to just let her go if he loves her and he gives her access to her savings account and that's pretty much it so wait she just showed up at his house crying saying that if he loves her he'll let her go and he's just like yeah sure here you go don't you have any questions for your daughter like I don't know why are you crying what's got you so upset what do you mean by let you go where are you going you know just out of curiosity now as she's leaving she waves goodbye as he watches but I have to ask where is he watching from I'm pretty sure this shot was taken in the same location just a few steps further down the sidewalk because not only are the trees on the same side but I'm pretty sure this is the same tree so police detective is on the phone talking to his girlfriend and she's upset that she never gets to see him and then we just go right into this and you know what I'm not even surprised anymore it seems like every bad movie has a scene like this and it's completely pointless oh no police detective spends too much time at work too bad this has nothing to do with the story we'll never come up again during the course of the film I mean we barely even see the character throughout the course of the movie he's gonna be like four scenes and he's just there basically for exposition that's not even good exposition it's like yeah we're still investigating those murders that's it we searched Mina's house we found a few things some photos a savings account you don't know where she is no but but so Mina hires a hooker to tell her about what it's like being a prostitute because Mina wants to know everything there is to know about it customers drug dealers pimps who am I afraid of what might happen to me everywhere wait what so Mina says she's going to become just another girl working the streets except that she's in a car driving around looking for guys to pick up so either she's completely trying to reinvent the prostitution business or she's just the best uber driver ever except after she picks the guys up she takes them behind a sheet and murders them you might be thinking this is turning into monster at this point but you'd be wrong because that would mean the film would start becoming interesting and I like this part where the music is actually singing what she's writing in the sand Oh splendors of okay I'm lying I I think it's really stupid I just want to show it and more memories of Daniel like the time she gave him this hideous thing and even the actor has trouble making it sound convincing beautiful here I took a bunch of shells and glued them together I don't know what this is or what you're gonna do with it but it's for you I don't even know why he would even looks confused as to what to do it that just it's beautiful how long until I can throw this out Mina's car runs out of gas so she inches a ride and I bet you can guess what happens yep he's a rapist - well I can't fault the film too much I mean it stays true to the title it is filled with dangerous men almost exclusively so Mena shoots him and then rolls the car down a hill where it explodes and I gotta say I don't really understand why she would do this I mean she needed a ride to get to the gas station to get gasoline and here's a car that works so why not roll the body down the hill and take the car to the gas station even if it's just to get the gas and bring it back to the other car also one more thing about this scene apparently the car in the scene belonged to John Roth's daughter and I guess one day he just took it from her and told her that she's just never gonna see it again and it was it until apparently 20 years later when she saw the film that she found out what happened to her car you gotta say that is pretty shitty so now we get a bunch of shots of things cop cars rolling down the street cops getting out of cars plane taking off I have no idea what any of this has to do with anything now Mina finds out that the cops are actually looking for whoever is causing all these murders and she seems quite distraught by it oh my god there can closer closer every day oh yes who would have thought police actually investigate murders hey here's an idea if the thought of getting caught by the police for murdering people bothers you so much maybe stop killing people I mean most of the people she's killed haven't even done anything they were just standing on the street minding their own business until Nina came along and started stabbing away so David goes to a biker bar looking for information about the bikers that were killed at the beginning of the movie there's this woman playing darts and one of the bikers decides he wants some of that so after a bit of a struggle the woman gets away and leaves to go to the beach because you know nothing likes some assault to put you in the mood for a good swim the biker of course follows her onto the beach - what else rape her of course but luckily David isn't far behind you might tell me your name so I know who to warn - Clark come whispered right I think I'll call you clink cuckoo I think I'll call you cling cuckoo cling cuckoo I don't even know what to say about that I'm not even sure what I'm watching anymore so this fight isn't even really a fight it's just David grabbing the bikers head and just kind of twisting it until the biker just passes out but it goes on for some time long enough for apparently the woman to get dressed and stand there and watch so the chief is on the phone with police detective and now I gotta say I personally don't think it would be too hard to memorize the lines in the scene but apparently I would be wrong because I'm pretty sure that's the script right there on the table he's literally reading his lines right off of the page they're even highlighted for him I mean if you're gonna do that fine just like prop the frame man zoom it in or something David and the dart player I'm just going to call her that because that's what the credits have her listed as try and set up a trap for the biker that tried to rape her by just basically hanging out on the side of the road I don't know how they knew the bikers would be coming down this road but whatever anyways the biker tries once again to rape her the plan I'm assuming is that David jumps out of the car to save her but he can't because his foot is stuck wow what a brilliant plan if it wasn't for those shoes you'd be out there right now stopping crime damn ponies David finally gets out of the car the biker fires his gun right at him but it does nothing I guess he was wearing a bulletproof vests but let's be real here you don't just stand in front of a gun and the bullets are just Bing Bing Bing Bing so a fight ensues and Wow just look at this move what a master of self-defense David resorts to his twisting head technique again with what I'm assuming is the same guy I'm just a little confused by his constantly changing tattoos I mean if you're going to use rubble and tattoos it might be a good idea to buy a whole bunch of the same tattoo just so that if shooting the scene goes on for a few days you have enough to sustain the length of the production so the police find out it's Ben Mena committing all the murders don't really know how they came to that conclusion I mean it doesn't even explain any of it they just say we have enough evidence they finally arrest her on the street and I've got to say if someone in plain clothes came up to me and flashed that badge I'd probably need some more ID and that's the end of Meena in this movie we never see her again I imagine it might have something to do with the claim that apparently she broke her leg during filming at one point and John rad refused to pay any of her medical bills so she just never came back so the biker shows David how to get to Black purrs house who is black pepper you might ask well that's a good question black pepper is apparently the son of one of the bikers who was killed at the beginning of the movie so why are they going to his house who knows apparently because a bartender says that he deals drugs that's enough to get a warrant to go search his house meanwhile black pepper is living it up at his place on top of this hill and oh yeah this is really sexy so after an excruciating lis long and awkward belly dancing scene that's in the movie for some reason we get another one of these excruciating ly long and awkward bad movie sex scenes the police raided the house and black peppers girlfriend decides the best place to hide is behind this sheet while kneeling on the bed I mean who knows maybe the cops will think it's a ghost and get scared away now as black pepper is trying to escape David spots him and chases after him and the chief orders one of the other detectives to take the biker and lock him up so we're forced to sit here and watch them untie the bikers legs get him out of the car and walk him off-screen so that the chief can get into the car and drive to nowhere now this fight scene between David and black pepper is hilarious not only because it's terrible but because they use the exact same sound effect over and over again for both characters finally the chief shows up I guess it took him a while to drive to the exact same location that day even a black pepper barely jogged to so now the chase begins a really long chase between the chief and black pepper to the top of this hill which honestly I don't know where this is because black peppers house was on top of the only hill nearby and that's where they started so after a while black pepper makes his way up to this house which is the exact same house they said was black peppers in the first place now the house is owned by this blind girl and I have to say if I was blind I probably wouldn't buy a house that's on top of a hill and surrounded by a bunch of jagged rocks down below seems kind of like playing with fire if you ask me but then again how would she know black pepper sneaks into the house and this just doesn't match up at all because this is clearly a window and this is clearly a door so she hears him come in and luckily she always keeps a Luger in her lap apparently which again is kind of risky if you ask me but what do I know I mean she can't see so maybe it's just one of the ways she stays entertained just fire off the gun now and then and try and guess what you hit by the sound it makes that's window hands that's the kitchen it's like cat what was that so she fires at him and I guess she misses which somehow allows black pepper to teleport to the other side of the house anyways after a bit of a struggle the chief comes in arrests him and that's the end of the movie I'm not even joking it just suddenly freeze frames and the credits just aren't rolling so Jon rad died in 2007 which means that he never really got to see the release that this movie was given by Drafthouse Phil this past year but apparently while he was still alive he attended a midnight screening and wasn't really too happy with all the people laughing in the theater and just dismissed them as a bunch of drunk people now the past few videos have made those movies were serious contenders for the worst movie I've ever seen I honestly don't think I'm ever going to declare one movie as being the worst but these have been easily in the top 10 of course as always thanks for watching guys we'll see you next time with more bad movies it's so bad it sounds like something I imagined would be in a cheesy 1970s porno I say I imagine because why would I be watching porno from 40 years ago that has no interest to me at this point my life I could just imagine the day of shooting this and the direction that was given to this actress okay so you know the steak knife the case you're going on the steak knife it's going to be okay can we make sure it's like stuck between the cheeks they're like really well it can't fall out we don't want to waste any film here we get some gaffers tape maybe in there too so after killing the so after okay so after killing the biker with the butt knife she hitches a row see I knew it I knew unfilled

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Views: 325,718

Rating: 4.9543185 out of 5

Keywords: Dangerous Men, Comedy, Funny, Hilarious, Bad movies, movie reviews, Bad Movie (Film), movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies

Id: 9k_ZX7mEBDY

Length: 23min 55sec (1435 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 08 2016