How BAD is Theodore Rex?

so for this episode I'm reviewing the straight-to-video masterpiece that is Theodore Rex and there's actually kind of a story leading up to me doing this review after about 5 minutes of sitting down and watching Theodore Rex I felt so horrible that I actually thought about destroying my TV but I decided to start drinking instead what I wasn't expecting was just how boring the movie actually was and how much of a challenge it would prove to be to just maintain consciousness throughout the viewing when I woke up I had no idea what was going on in the movie and had forgotten everything I had just watched I also realized that nothing I had written during my drunken viewing really made any sense and it was mostly just a bunch of belligerent rambling so I had to watch the movie all over again and start from scratch also fair warning I'm gonna have to drink while filming this review as well so while we maslow's get that train rolling down the tracks already honestly it's probably not a good idea for me to be drinking while filming a review last time I did it editing was just terrible I was slurring so many words there was entire takes that was unusable ID edit around all that crap but I'm feeling good today so we're gonna throw caution to the wind and I told Derek on Twitter I would do a shot for him right off the bat so he might as well get that started and here we go there's probably gonna be pizza flying in here at some point - I'm excited for that usually I get started by talking about the poster for the movie but I mean look at this thing it's made with like mspaint and honestly I don't even blame them what else were they supposed to do how else are you supposed to market this movie I really can't think of any way to make a poster for this movie that would make it look exciting or make people look at it and go oh yeah that's next date night for sure so the movie starts with the words Once Upon a Time in the future but you're excited now and then it goes on to explain that a billionaire is launching a missile to kill everyone on earth and start a new Ice Age and keep a pair of all the animals in an arc so if you haven't realized you've made a huge mistake by this point and currently in the process of turning the movie off you've either been kidnapped and are being subjected to some kind of weird movie torture or you've just waited your whole life to see Whoopi Goldberg in a dinosaur team up in a buddy cop movie or if you're watching the movie for the same reason as me and are currently pouring your next drink and that's the case make it a double trust me so the movie starts off in black-and-white with Elaine psychiatrist sending a butterfly towards a dinosaur which then suddenly explodes oh good it was only a dream for a second there I thought I was watching a bad movie but then it turns out that it wasn't a dream it actually happened so Theodore Rex goes on to investigate the murder and by the way I'm just going to tell you right now there's no explanation as to why he could see that in his dream you think there'd be some kind of weird connection thing goat nope just coincidence and he seems pretty upbeat for someone who just had a dream that another dinosaur got murdered and then found out there was an actual murder now based on the dialogue Whoopi Goldberg is some kind of Android police officer and in this scene her and this other officer climb up on this roof in order to arrest some criminals after they commit the crime I just I don't understand this I mean they were on the rooftop waiting for the crime to happen how did they know the crime was going to happen is this like Minority Report and if it is how about you be more like Minority Report and stop the crime before it happens six minutes in and something clearly doesn't make sense so obviously we're off to a great start with this one as you would expect Teddy is a dinosaur and he has quite a large tail something that the movie keeps reminding you of constantly yes we get it the tail gets in the way of stuff you don't have to keep going back to the same joke over and over again kind of like I do sometimes but then again I don't I don't have 33 million dollars to do the show you can be thirty three million dollars to do the show I will put out a video every up to two videos every week almost said every day there that was pretty scary sorry to barge in excuse me teddy and I like this guy's reaction it's almost as if he's confused at first and doesn't recognize him teddy I mean how many dinosaur cops do you know and I should also mention that teddy is crazy for cookies for some reason which they are serving at this fancy dinner for some reason so they team him up with whoopie to solve the murder case and she's not too happy about it at first I mean she just can't seem to get over the fact that he's a dinosaur that is in public relations but I'm feel promoting him temporarily he's a dinosaur come on it's a dinosaur come on it's a dinosaur you're not a species are you a specious you know the funny thing about that is I bet back when they wrote that into the script they probably thought it was pretty funny but they had no clue that 20 years later a specious would actually be a thing I'm serious just somebody checked tumblr because it's bound to be on there somewhere this movie tries to make so many bad dinosaur jokes and puns that even the characters don't understand them you don't even look like a detective Oh sir please you cannot judge a dino by his scales what at this point in the movie Teddy says that he needs to go undercover for some reason so he goes into this high-tech machine and you think being that this is the future at all that maybe this machine will change his appearance entirely make him look like a person maybe but no it just changes his clothes that's all it does and what is she typing here does she know what she's typing because there's nothing on the monitor here just some lights and it appears as though she just keeps typing non-stop through the whole thing finally they find the perfect disguise which is more or less pretty much the exact kind of outfit he was wearing before it won't be says it's perfect he looks like a real cop so you mean to tell me that he didn't look like a real cop when he was wearing a sweater jacket and pants but now he looks like a real cop because he's wearing a sweater jacket and pants and also I thought the point of going undercover was do not look like a cop now they get their new vehicle which happens to be a garbage truck why what is this part of the undercover ruse okay well that makes sense I'm sure no one will ever take a second look at the garbage truck that has the police logo printed all over it and also has a person dressed like a police officer driving it so they go to this place called New Eden which is owned by the billionaire guy who wants to kill everyone and ask him some questions because both the dead dinosaur and the guy from the beginning worked for him and he just basically shrugs his shoulders because as an audience we know he's behind this whole thing because the movie told us at the very beginning which I still think was an unbelievably bad idea I mean this story is a crime mystery so why would you start that off by revealing the perpetrator and explaining their plan Molly wants you to walk her home in it's purely police business what was i hatched yesterday hatched yesterday you know I'm having some trouble figuring out exactly what her character is from just a few lines of dialogue in the beginning of the movie I've concluded that she's an Android but now with this hatched yesterday line so she's a robot that was hatched like from an egg what then there's more dialogue that makes no sense and really has no point being in the movie tip to stop with the tip tip don't tip tip just tip toe what is that smell is that you stop me how could it be me did you look I didn't but trumpet one of these things is leaking so they're looking for the toy maker which is this guy who created the butterfly balm from the beginning of the movie when they run into this thing there's some bug that turns into a butterfly and leads them to the toy maker I swear there are points in this movie where it's obvious that would be hated being in this thing and just did not care and then they confront the toy maker while he's handling giant weapons which seems like the smart thing to do so he disappears somewhere and sets a bug bomb to detonate even though the entire place explodes they somehow managed to be unscathed and capture the guy which seems really lame but then again who surprised after a grueling interrogation which basically comprised of being breathed on farted on and turned upside down he tells them that edge bought the butterfly so they show up two edges compound and they're totally inconspicuous garbage truck and one of the bad guys I don't know what these things are clones or something comes outside and points this gun at them and they decide to talk about food really this doesn't cause alarm at all so I guess somehow they've tied the clone up to the front of the garbage truck and rammed it through the door really I would have liked to have seen that scene actually I mean how did they manage to do that when he already had his gun drawn on them but then again including things that make sense is a trait of a good movie and as we all know good movies is not the name of this show so after Whoopi starts talking to the bad guys and they don't shoot her for whatever reason they go find the billionaire and some kind of stupid helicopter contraption at this point in watching the movie I checked the runtime and saw that there was 20 minutes left and I held on to hope that maybe just maybe the closing credits would take up 15 minutes of it but no such luck I was still going to have to grind through things like watching whoopee somehow incapacitate three clones by merely kicking a gun out of one of their hands so the billionaire launches his missile and explains that it will kill everyone and start a new Ice Age even though we already knew that so edge gets into a gunfight with Whoopi and sparks fly everywhere here's another scene in which I think will be just pretty much mailed it in and I couldn't care less I was wrong your brain use your brain so now there's just a slew of ridiculous things like Teddy managing to lasso the carseat of the billionaire and hang them up in a tree which just leaves the guy helpless for some reason to stop Teddy from grabbing the remote to the bomb and the Jeep crashing into a billboard which causes it to explode for some reason now like I mentioned before this movie went straight to video and at the time was the most expensive straight-to-video movie ever made with a budget of 33.5 million dollars apparently Whoopi Goldberg had agreed to do the movie years ago and then tried to out of it but eventually agreed to do the movie for seven million dollars so how bad is this movie it's bad enough that even if I was a kid I don't think I could find a way to enjoy it yes even kid me the fanboy of many things would have hated this movie it's so weird to think that as a kid I liked most movies I was just generally pretty positive and optimistic about things I just don't know what the hell happen to me there's probably going to be pizza flying in here at some point I keep there's problem there's probably going to be there's probably going to be pizza you

Channel: FanboyFlicks

Views: 263,383

Rating: 4.9342446 out of 5

Keywords: Theodore Rex (Film), cop movie, Buddy Cop Film (Film Genre), bad movies, movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies, funny, hilarious, Comedy, worst movies ever made, bad special effects, Humor, Film (Film), Laugh, 1990s (Event)

Id: h1JC_LIM3lY

Length: 12min 1sec (721 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 19 2015