I Am Here....Now - BAD MOVIES!

however I guess he well had finally run dry because the clock has recently removed the sequel to this film from their release schedule now by the time you're watching this I'm probably going to be working on the next one I'm going to Sydney Australia rest assured I'm going to have a lot of material by the time I get back by the time I get back for loot all we do Marc Marc nobody's heard from you in months Marc what set you what's going on are you wearing a wig and a fake beard oh yeah I've always kind of wondered what it would be like to have long hair and a beard so we're in this for the past few days ah that's weird what are you here for Matt dude what happened where's all your stuff I got rid of it all of it clean slate fresh start you haven't posted a video in three months nobody knows where you are you disappeared to Australia for god knows how long then I come in here and see you living like a vagabond are you going nuts lost my mind oh no no I haven't lost my mind not in fact I'm more sane now that I've ever been because without bad movies I can finally get on with my life because before it was just bad movies all the time and when I thought I found the worst bad movie people just kept requesting more and more movies mark you should kill this one Marquess Awards this one it's just certain list the list is never-ending that you know long the list is have you seen the list do you want to see the list yeah sure okay to be honest I hadn't really anticipated on you saying yes so I don't really have the list printed off because I sold my printer so it's just kind of on my laptop in an Excel spreadsheet can't you just export it as a PDF and send it to me yeah yeah I could do that um it's just that having you leafing through hundreds of pages would just be a little bit more dramatic rather than just scrolling through a PDF yeah well doesn't matter though I'm done hanging it up now you can't quit what you got to keep doing showmance one of the few things are good at what's facing right good much high school it took you how many years to complete it never going to become a professional athlete let's face it guitar you're probably one of the worst musicians I've ever heard in my life and a comedy can use a little bit of work okay I get it but this is what you do this is your thing you spend all your time watching bad movies all of it and then you write jokes about it that was probably one of the worst motivational speeches I've ever heard see that's it the constant negativity that's what people find so funny I don't know Matt I just I'll buy your piece if you start watching bad movies okay I gotta go out there and start watching bad movies again you're right does this mean you're gonna start watching the movies with me and doing the reviews like old times no I got shit to do I'll see you shit so first of all I like to say to all my fans from Sydney Australia you have a beautiful city and I wish I could have stayed longer unfortunately while I was there three days into my vacation I got this weird sinus infection that turned into an ear infection so I lost a lot of my time there which kind of sucked because I'm used to snow so it has been a very long time since I've done a review and it feels great to be back I got a new studio that I built here not that you could tell I mean you can't see this and the background is all keyed anyways so can we at least try something new different that they can see they can do background or something anything that's just the worst thing I've ever seen in my life now I've been meaning to review Neil Breen's films for a long time but I just never actually sat down watch them now that I have now if you're not familiar with Neil Breen he is a architect and former real estate agent from Las Vegas who finances his own films and I have to say I actually really appreciate filmmakers like Neil and the reason is because he's going out there and making the films he wants to make sure he's not exactly what I would call a talented filmmaker but it's the determination and conviction that I really respect so I'm going to review two of his movies back to back also there's this interview on YouTube I'll post the link of the description where Neil talks about how on all of his film sets who does all the craft services he pays everybody he just wants everything to be really really professional and I really respect that now all that being said in terms of the actual movies I don't even really know how to describe them in fact most the time I really don't even know what's going on Neil's films tend to contain many of the bad movie elements that acting questionable directing terrible writing not so special effects awkward romance horrible editing and cringe-worthy nudity for example I'm going to show you a scene from the first movie Double Down a movie that is composed of half stock footage and half original footage bet you'll never guess which is which so the scene starts with stock footage of the pool at what I guess is some sort of resort and then it cuts to a close-up shot of what we can only assume is the same pool and that why is he naked isn't this the same pool aren't there other people around trying to enjoy the water this is a family resort are there kids nearby so that someone who is obviously trying to kill him instead shoots his fiance in the back and doesn't this just seem like kind of an odd reaction I mean he grabs her then reacts like he's been shot then it just cuts to her floating and there's all this blood on a flower for some reason and then what the hell is this why is he floating next to her with his arm around her and then it's just her again and for some reason the blood is all over his face but overall the reason I'm talking about the scene is because why do they have to be naked here what is the point of it it doesn't make the scene any more emotional in fact I would say it makes the scene more comical so the movie I'll be reviewing today is the film he made right after that one and it's called I am here now I left that pause in there because the title leaves that puzzle there just try and do it justice the movie starts with a trip through space and then we see two planets one suddenly explodes I think and then some kind of space ball falls to earth during this scene you'll get your first warning flag that this is going to be a bad movie and that's because of the really long boring shots that we see a shadow of someone on a cross even though it's obviously not a cross because there are two parts to across one part that goes horizontal and one part that goes vertical so this is really just someone holding a plank of wood on their shoulders so this person steps down from something I would think it would be the cross but again there's nothing going on back here now as the camera pans up this person appears to have circuit boards attached to their arms adjust and here we're going on some kind of trip through cyberspace don't really know what any of this means or what it has to do with anything that happens in the movie as seriously having watched the movie and going back and looking at this now it just it means I don't even know how to pieces together and then we see that it's Neil I guess he's playing cyber Jesus in this movie but then I kind of switches to I don't know I guess this is his true form the COS alien face the credits call his character the being I'll be honest I didn't really don't even know what he's supposed to be in this movie I guess it would technically be God some kind of alien that created earth I don't know if he created everything but just I'll refer to him just as God alien guy so again we go back to the shot tilting up to see his face and then we go back to the close-up and then back to the exact same shot again alien God goes for a walk in the desert seeing some weird stuff along the way that again I really don't understand at all talks to a skull why are the humans failing I've given them every I've given them everything every weight I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention how much has he given us now if you're watching this and you're kind of lost as to what's going on trust me you're not alone in fact I would say you're easily in the majority vast majority I honestly don't think I've ever been this bored and confused within the first ten minutes of a movie in my entire life so there's these two junkies hanging out in the back of their truck shooting their guns and getting high on heroin and wow that is a lot of heroin I want you so bad I really want you to yeah want you so bad I'm gonna I'm gonna undo one of these buttons and then that's pretty much it yeah so the junkies get freaked out when they shoot the alien and he heals his wounds with editing but he freezes them before they can escape now I know what you're thinking but don't worry the weird sex doesn't come until later in the movie and then we have shots of him driving yep that's that's it just driving to Las Vegas maybe looking around a little bit and well okay you think a second or two of this is okay but this just keeps going and going going and going so finally he gets the Las Vegas and oh wait yeah there's still more shots of him driving I got to tell you I don't really see what the purpose of this is anymore I mean we get it he's still driving this isn't new information at this point we get some shots of buildings in Vegas now which is fine you know you want to establish the location but then it just cuts to the shot of these girls in a pool and the weirdest part is the audio from the street is still laid over top on this shot it makes sense you get the idea that this is what he's seeing while he's driving but I really don't think he's looking out the window and getting this perspective now throughout the next few minutes and to be honest pretty much throughout the rest of the film you might get the idea that the movie is trying to send out a message that sustainable energy is good and greed and corruption is bad but I don't know you might not be able to tell because it's just it's so subtle now that we've paid off our fellow elected representatives in the legislature that environmental solar panel development bill will fail next week not to mention the cash it'll put in our pockets the country is done without solar and wind power until now they can wait a few more years it's more profitable to be without those sustainable energy systems at this time I'm so sorry but do the poor economy we're gonna have to lay you off along with some other staff members we all had the best of intentions of improving the nation's sustainable energy systems and environment but the corruption and greed in big business and government just won't let it happen and I love this part cyber God comes over and gives her a broken flower and uses magic to mend the flower but again he's next to her in this shot then he's not than he is again now we have what looks like a nice neighborhood which is suddenly intercut with shots of well I guess this is supposed to be blood spilling on the ground people with guns really bloody knife what makes this even more odd is that even though these shots are cut in the same very serene calming music is still played over the entire thing so the girl who was just let go from her job is talking to her twin sister about how she doesn't know what to do now that she's unemployed she won't be able to support her fake baby they're not gonna hurt any of us back at this point and I have this baby fake baby i how am I gonna support her if I'm all alone you'll find something you're my twin sister you're pretty and smart you're hot we're hot so her sister somehow convinces her to become a hooker and then they walk slowly down the street some guy is somehow completely distracted by their appearance that he falls off of his bike and because they're nice people they proceeded to laugh at him and walk away now amber takes send you to go meet up with a bunch of guys who are apparently in some kind of gang and I've got to say if this is the Las Vegas underworld Color Me underwhelmed and everyone just kind of stands there nodding as they check the girls out for what seems like forever I get a purse what do you go back roll it back hang on a sec so this guy gets shot exactly in the wrist for some reason then just stands there holding it for a few seconds the girls get scared and then there's just this shot of this guy who really has no reaction at all it almost feels like an editing mistake and can we talk about how easy it was to convince this girl to do this in the first place it's pretty much just like oh I got laid off well there's just no way I'm going to be able to find a job that's half as interesting as that one I guess it's prostitution for me I mean I could start looking for another job but I don't know I think I'm think I'm gonna go with working with a bunch of criminals who will sell my body for money yeah sounds like there's a lot of job security in that one well to be fair it would be tax free so there is that there's this scene which feels like an eternity and it adds nothing to the movie I think that's the the part that frustrates me the most if you want to have a long scene that's full of dialogue whatever you know if you just want to get out that exposition okay fine but this is nothing it means nothing in the skete of grand scheme of things just watch I'm gonna hear let's break it down the girls go into the water the guy watches the girls put their sunglasses on the girls struggle to get onto the pool floats because you know this is really sexy stuff right here the guy watches the girls get out of the pool the girls take their tops off the girls start laughing for a while there's a shot of this for some reason the girls keep laughing the girls get back into the water backwards the girls lie on the float for a while another shot of this thing dude is still watching and hey look the girls are out of the water laughing again so now we're going to fill up these glasses with champagne girls are still laughing and we're still trying to fill up these glasses and that's the end of your scene now can you see why that scene which lasts 5 and a half minutes by the way is so crucial to the plot no good because neither can I so now we're back to the rough part of town don't mind me I'm just going to hit the fast-forward button here we have this guy who's obviously down on his luck and I guess that's always been his dream to see the Las Vegas sign close-up so on his way up to the sign this other guy is walking sees him yet somehow still walks right into his wheelchair and I love this I love how and I'm pretty sure they only did one take of this because you could see how he sees and then does a little little dodge dance here that just obviously doesn't work out anyways he gets mad and pushes the guy over so alien God comes by and makes things better by I don't know making the guy's eyes bleed taking away his vision I'm not exactly sure and the guy runs away maybe to go put on a shirt that's not inside of so god freezes all the other people kind of I mean it's obvious that they're still kind of moving they're just pretending to be frozen he takes the guy to see the sign up close which is really nice because apparently he has only one month to live I don't feel so good cancer chemo kicking my ass I always wanted to see this before I die I only have a month to live so the guy with cancer is trying to cross the road and I guess some car almost hits him then God pulls up in his pickup truck and these guys all pull guns on him okay so now they're frozen with blood on their faces I don't understand are they dead now did he freeze them did he kill them or they just stuck there now forever so now amber gets laid off from her job working in sustainable energy sources wait she had a job in this too I thought she was just a prostitute and a drug addict now I've lost my job and I'm not gonna be able to find another one an environmental activist and it's getting me nowhere I'll become a full-time hooker or stripper and not tell him the truth again I thought she was already doing that oh wait full-time hooker oh okay I guess that whole bangin criminals and shooting up dope was just a part-time gig up until now once you're high you won't remember a thing we'll be okay you're scared I'll become a car thief and not tell her the truth yes I think that's really the key part there I love how he has his own little revelation to like that's it I'll just lie as if you're gonna come home tomorrow like well guess who's breaking into cars Cindy is going for a walk when her baby throws at one of its toys and cancer guy gives it back to her but just in case you forgot cancer chemo kicking my ass I only have a month old so then God shows up and makes him young again and wait isn't that one of the criminals from the beginning of the movie I'm pretty sure this is the same actor go with her have a full long and healthy happy life be a family wait I don't understand so they're gonna become a family now based on what he picked up one of her kids toys and now he's not old and sick anymore that's the foundation for this marriage I kind of like to know what her thoughts are on this whole thing cuz she kind of looks a little weirded out and I really don't see how this changes anything she still doesn't have a job so Amber's car robbing boyfriend wants to be part of the gang but they see him as a problem and decide to just kill him instead we eliminated our problem I'd like to see the audition for that guy I mean Neil says in that interview and talked about that he hires professional actors and whatnot but I don't know I think I'm gonna challenge him on that one now for this next part I'm just gonna play it and you can just observe the editing mess with your own eyes because it speaks for itself what this damn piece of garbage so the leader of the gang starts talking about how there's a rat in the crew which quite honestly I don't understand why we haven't seen anything so far in this movie that would give him that impression so he accuses the guy in the green shirt and for whatever reason this guy drops his gun and runs towards the group yes that sounds like a solid idea hey a group of people want to kill me let me drop the only thing I have to defend myself with and move towards them after a while of beating him while God watches from a distance they cut his finger off and it's at this point that God decides to freeze everyone and also some of these poses don't make any sense why are these guys frozen in a position that would suggest they were taking part in the beating when during the beating they were talking about how much they didn't approve of it this wasn't part of our deal no payoff is worth this I don't want any part of it and I hope you're in the mood for some more symbolism because here it comes and again it's obvious that these crosses aren't actually stuck in the ground and are just being held up by these guys so alien guy takes amber out of the situation as well and are you ready for this you're free go learn to love yourself other humans and humanity I know you help me help me save me you can save yourself I've made you strong enough to save yourself and then suddenly ampere let's go of him and start slowly backing away from him almost as if she's had some sort of revelation who knows maybe she suddenly realized what movie she's in suddenly he wakes up in the back of a pickup truck somehow falls to his knees and just in case you were confused as to the message this movie was trying to send why such a species understand I've given them so much respect yourselves love nature live in peace and then amber shows up out of nowhere and you're kind of thinking that she's gonna be left there watching as he leaves back to his own planet or something but instead we get this and this this has got to be one of the most awkward things I've ever seen I'm assuming this is supposed to be a sex scene I think but it's really just a very long scene of him just on top staring at her staring in his human form staring in his alien form and it just keeps going on and I just don't see the point of it why do they have sex what is that what does that have to do with anything oh no wait don't stop please I want to bang you before you go back to your planet well amber you are a prostitute and a drug addict but a good feeling about this one I think I'm gonna go raw now at the end of the movie he says he'll give the humans one more chance or else he'll destroy the planet well you might as well just get it over with now because I don't think anyone learned anything from your trip down here well this was a pretty long review but then again I've been gone for months so just to put any fears to rest I am currently working on the next two reviews my next review will be on the film yielded after this one which is faithful findings and if you think it can't get any weirder than this then just stay tuned because trust me you have no idea that's weird what are you here for Matt dude what happened where's all your stuff sold it got rid of all of it you're a fresh start what are you here for Matt dude what happened where's all your stuff I sold it I got rid of everything fresh start fanboy free no more bad movies met another ended and you kept going like shit what are you here for Matt dude what happened where's all your stuff they got rid of it get rid of all of it gotta do a fresh start clean slate fanboy all right I'm sorry time I swear to God if you can just dealt out this straight face all of our skits would be I know I can't help it what are you here for Matt dude what happened where's all your stuff I got rid of it all of it clean slate fresh start fanboy

Channel: FanboyFlicks

Views: 446,418

Rating: 4.9411373 out of 5

Keywords: Comedy, Funny, Hilarious, Bad movies, movie reviews, Bad Movie (Film), movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies, Neil Breen, review

Id: nBa_KC-TBEc

Length: 28min 20sec (1700 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 06 2016