How BAD is THE SWARM?

hey guys welcome to bad movies and in this episode I'm gonna be talking about the swarm with Michael Caine and a bunch of other actors and just now the swarm is a movie that honestly felt like it was never going to end it actually took me two days to watch the movie and write this review and there are two reasons for that one because there was so much that I wanted to say that I had to stop the movie every five minutes or so and write down my points and two because this movie is so long the original version is around two hours which to be honest is probably two hours too long but when they released the DVD version they added an additional 40 minutes of footage for some reason but it actually makes sense when you think about it because when you watch this movie there are entire scenes characters and subplots that could be cut out of this movie easily and it would not affect the plot at all I'm being serious this thing is just a giant cinematic train wreck I would like to say that this is one of those movies that's so bad it's good but it's not this movie is just so long and boring that it's a challenge just to make it through the whole thing now the swarm is supposed to be a horror movie about a giant swarm of killer bees so I'm gonna do my best to try and resist making any Nicolas Cage jokes it's gonna be heard so the movie starts off with a bunch of soldiers I guess checking out this underground base and when they get inside they find out that everybody is dead and I just love how long this takes they're really nailing it in that everybody's dead we get it I think my first clue must have been the lifeless bodies all over the place so then some more soldiers show up and Michael Caine just kind of casually strolls into the room shit no turning back now Mike so they search them and they don't really find anything except his wallet and a leather pouch full of sunflower seeds so the major orders to helicopters to go check out a large mass that's traveling at seven miles per hour the pilots spot this giant black mass and decide just to fly right into it and guess what it's bees millions and millions of bees somehow the bees managed to throw the helicopter out of control and it crashes and they die now the second helicopter is stuck in the bee swarm and I mean just look at this isn't this the most terrifying thing you've ever seen again somehow the bees caused them to lose power and that helicopter crashes and they all die too this next scene is pretty hilarious it's just this big argument between Michael Cain and the major and the majors like you're crazy that swarm of killer bees isn't supposed to be here for another 10 years even though he just witnessed two of his helicopters being attacked by a massive swarm of bees I mean shit you you can't put two and two together and you're a major in the military I mean we're things this different back in the 70s were people this clueless how many drugs are floating around I'm pretty sure our marijuana is like what three hundred times stronger now than it was back then I can you know I can but I don't know what I was trying to do there was I talking about what movie is this meanwhile this family is going for a picnic but there's all these bees around so she just starts spraying this I guess bug spray at them and let's just watch some of this acting food I'm hungry Wow I mean did you marry a robot anyways this huge swarm of bees comes flying out of a tree and kills both parents but the kid manages to get away in the car now I gotta give the movie some credit for using real bees in some of these scenes I mean I can only imagine how much of a pain in the ass it would have been working on that set you know you'd have to make sure that no one was allergic to bee stings you'd have to make sure all the actors were completely fine with just being covered bees you have to get you know a bee Wrangler anyways the kid drives into town where they're about to have their annual flower festival I know what you're thinking the flower festival is gonna attract the bees but I'm just gonna tell you right now there's no payoff there at all we don't even get to see the festival that probably would have been more entertaining than the rest of this movie meanwhile the White House decides to vote Michael Caine in charge of this entire operation with no limit to his authority so his first order of business is to get back his pouch of sunflower seeds because I mean that's the main priority here get this man his seeds can't work under these conditions god dammit I have any seeds so they go visit the kid from the picnic and he's just completely losing his shit and hallucinating that there's this giant bee in the room it's at this point in the movie that you realize just how ridiculous this whole thing is gonna get you know okay you know what let's just stop for a second okay just stop everything please you know can I just have a minute please just one minute be right back so Michael Caine just tells the kid to reach out and the B will disappear and that's it it works then Michael Caine says that he's got to leave really that's it that you just came all this way to tell the kid to stretch his arm out that's the cure for hallucinations apparently and even still you don't have any questions that you want to ask him maybe just write down a quick report on where the bees came from what he saw anything like that you know you're already there take five more minutes so they go to the scene where the attack happened and Michael Caine finds these small little pieces of a plastic cup and he thinks that the bees did it like what does that even mean you find pieces of trash in a public park and you automatically assume that the bees did it have you been to a park before ever so they fly in another doctor dr. Krim and after eating a few of Michael Caine's magical sunflower seeds he's ready to work the kids friends show up and he leaves with them to go find the hive of the deadly bees never mind the fact that his parents just died I guess he's over that whole thing already so this is where the hive is at the scene of the deadly picnic attack evening to tell me the military didn't see anything when they were just so the kids come back with Molotov cocktails and light up the hive of course this drives the bees nuts and they chase after the kids but it's okay because the kids are just gonna hide under these trash cans never mind the fact that the bees can just wait outside of the trash cans so the bees do just that they wait outside of the trash cans for a few seconds before the editor reverses the film and the swarm goes away Michael Caine says it's now heading for the town even though the swarm looks like it's going in three different directions now I'm gonna take the time to mention this subplot which really has no point at all again I'm serious no point at all for some reason there's a few scenes in here where different guys profess their love to this one character who we rarely see and doesn't do anything I mean what is this shit I don't care about any of these characters they're not developed and they're not integral to the plot at all they're just people that live in the town seriously watching these scenes it's it takes you right out of the story it's almost like watching a completely different movie you could probably take each one of these scenes cut it together and make a short film that really you know has no reference to the swarm at all the bees show up at the school and kill a bunch of kids in slow motion I guess that's supposed to make it dramatic hey wait a minute that's the random kid with the lollipop from earlier oh no they couldn't have killed him not the character with no dialogue in about five seconds of total screen time I get way too connected to those types of characters I don't think I can watch this anymore and once again let's just watch some of this magnificent acting [Music] so the swarm is attacking the whole town now and I have to say this shot looks pretty cool until it gets to this yes that makes sense you're being stunned by a bunch of bees so why not just throw yourself through a glass window as well I'm sure that's gonna make the situation better so the other doctor Helena got stung and she starts hallucinating seeing bees and Michael Kane's eyes by the way at this point we're about an hour and 15 minutes into the movie so that means we got wet like another hour and 15 minutes left okay so I guess the swarm leaves the city and then we get another terrible scene between Michael Cain and the major where the major basically says we've got to evacuate the whole city because we captured some of the bees so if the other bees find out that we kidnapped some of their friends they're gonna come back and try and find their friends then the kid tells Michael Cain that he firebombed the hive and you know I'm just gonna get this out of the way right now why is this kid always sweating seriously if you go back from this point the only scenes where this kid is not literally dripping with sweat is the first scene where the swarm kills his robot parents and the hospital scene which just happened so at some point between the kid being inside the hospital and running outside of the hospital his sweat glands just decided to get hardcore I mean that's I guess that's puberty for you either that or this kid is suffering from one hell of a cocaine withdrawal so Michael Cain does an interview with the news reporter who doesn't even know how to hold a mic I guess since so many people died in the bee attack that they're just leaving the bodies outside in black body bags under the Sun I'm sure that smells nice then we have this scene between a pregnant lady and her doctor and nothing happens here at all I guess at the end it kind of implies that the doctor is in love with her or something but who cares I mean I mean who the hell is this woman in the first place I don't even know who this is I actually had to stop and rewind the movie to find that oh yeah she's the waitress from the diner that we hardly ever saw both her and the doctor briefly appeared twice and had probably four maybe five lines of dialogue so I mean how can I forget these memorable characters so they're evacuating the town now and these two guys are fighting over who gets to carry Maureen's luggage because they're in love with her for some reason again nobody cares that night after the town is evacuated Michael Cain and Helena go for a stroll downtown but I mean they're kind of dressed up as if this is some kind of a date or something yes how romantically awkward would that be you know it's so pretty out here at night hey here's the window where that guy threw himself through and died on the floor remember that that happened a few hours ago yeah so hey you want to go see if Arby's is still open meanwhile on the train to a bee free zone bee lands on the hand of the conductor and as soon as he swats it the swarm shows up and during the hysteria the conductor hits the accelerator and the train flies off the tracks I actually really like this part because I think it's pretty hilarious people are flying out of the train cars and for some reason a fire starts inside of one how and then when they reach the bottom they all explode because I mean of course why not at least there's some action in this movie and that's a good thing this happened because it really cuts down the amount of characters that were forced to sit and watch who don't affect the plot at all seriously just look at this list of characters I mean is this a movie or a circus so meanwhile back at the base they've engineered some kind of poison pellets to pour onto the bees so they start pouring the pellets out of the helicopters Michael Caine says that they're not eating the pellets really you can see that far with those binoculars you can hold them that steady in a hell copter and seed that closely to tell if a bee is eating something and sweaty kid is in the hospital bed again seriously it just came out of nowhere and then he dies of course in the next scene they explained that oh well some people have a fatal relapse after being stung which explains you know why the kid was sweating so much and why he died okay you know what I want to read this script seriously if if any of you can find it online somewhere please post it to my facebook page I just want to I just want to leaf through it to see if that what was in there now they've discovered that the swarm is heading for 46 towns so they're discussing evacuating those towns one of the doctors I don't even know how many there are at this point whatever goes to a power plant and tells them to shut down because the bees are coming but the manager of the power plant gets in a huge argument with them and while they're arguing of course they're all attacked by the swarm and as you would expect this causes the entire power plant to explode and wipes out a whole city now I don't know about you guys but I feel kind of weird when they refer to the bees in this movie simply as the Africans like I understand that they're a swarm of Africanized killer bees but referring to them just as the Africans sounds kind of weird in certain situations you're dr. Hubbard was out collecting live Africans he's brought on back to the complex from now on the war against the Africans will be under military direction the government turns to its last resort now you think it'd be something really drastic like dropping a bomb or something like that but nope it's just a few guys with flamethrowers yeah I'm sure this will do the trick nine people with flamethrowers versus over a billion bees they'll get this done in no time here's another sequence that makes no sense first it's nighttime then an ambulance driver gets attacked by bees and then it's daytime and then it's nighttime again the crashes and explodes I mean everything explodes the ambulance explodes the store explodes chairs explode weird because it looks like they tried day for night in some of the shots but in other shots they just didn't care anymore so Helena has a relapse from her bee sting and start seeing giant bees as well [Music] [Applause] Michael Caine discovers that it was the alarm system from the bunker that attracted the bees in the first place so they're gonna try and use this alarm to get rid of the bees apparently they picked the dumbest people to be in charge of the flamethrowers hey here's an idea maybe you guys shouldn't have been using flamethrowers around a truck labeled flammable in the first place I mean why would you come back into the building if you're covered in bees and then proceeded to go into the elevator now the other idiots decide to start lighting the building on fire while they're still inside because you know safety first I'm sure all the other people in the building would rather burn to death instead of trying to avoid the bees they dump a bunch of oil into the Gulf of Mexico and then I don't know play the signal for a bunch of flotation devices and all the bees come so then they just launch rockets into the Gulf which sets the whole thing on fire then when Helena asked Michael Cain if it's over he says I don't know but we did gain time if we use it wisely and if we lucky well might just survive what the fuck does that even mean hella nose expression pretty much sums it up perfectly even she's like seriously dude so what now do we have to keep doing this every time there's a bee attack you know what who cares it's over I'm finally done and I managed to make it through the whole thing without making one Nicolas Cage joke which was pretty hard even even the parts without the bees like at the end where they're burning the whole city to the ground I kept thinking wouldn't it be funny if Nicholas Cage showed up after and was like how to get born I tried you've got to be prepared to just throw away two and a half hours of your life if you're gonna watch this thing for me that's okay I mean I've wasted countless hours on bad movies but I never feel like I'm wasting them because then I get to do this show and then you guys get to watch the show and then I get like a few bucks holy shit I've wasted the past four years of my life I could have spent that time doing something so much more productive [Music] you

Channel: FanboyFlicks

Views: 317,298

Rating: 4.933176 out of 5

Keywords: The swarm, Monster Movie (Film Genre), Horror (Film Genre), Disaster Movie (Film), Disaster Film (Film Genre), Michael Caine (Film Actor), Comedy, Funny, Hilarious, Bad movies, movie reviews, Bad Movie (Film), movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies, worst movies ever made, Attacks, Bee, Black Friday (Holiday)

Id: _MHEZmd6ykw

Length: 19min 27sec (1167 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 28 2014