GO FOR THE CROTCH!! | Totally Accurate Battle Simulator

hello everybody my name is markiplier and welcome back to totally accurate battle simulator i haven't played this in a few years actually how many years have it been since i played this it's been that many years since i played this game and in that time there's been a lot of updates i don't know what they are but i'm gonna see about this campaign what would the collection of fun energy tactically challenging i don't actually want this for any kind of like tactics i want this because there is no logic and reason to anything that's happening in this game whatsoever and therefore i simply want to cause it as much chaos as i possibly can and therefore i will do that that's always been what this game is about it's never been anything deeper than that all right let's start simple because like really in all honesty people always like to go grandiose with these things but because it is a simulator game i do kind of want to have some semblance of you know order to this how do i play go there we go you missed you literally you both know good god jesus christ press tab to con what okay let's make it to 2v2 because that's going to be fair [Music] you both oh no you missed okay he's coming back from the end from the brink from the brink of the edge all one friend down who's gonna make the final blow red comes up with a somersaulting back twist and the blue hat it above his head and not defending his tender where did you get hit do you get hit in the ribs oh sorry bud and he's dead nice hands he says great form on him uh he made the mistake of never actually swinging his club all right 3v3 go did you all miss or is some people actually dead here no all sneak attack holy crap that was the most devastatingly brute look at the murder in his eyes he knows he knows what he did and i can't get a good look at him is there a way to crawl slow mouse in his left button okay can i slow motion my movement oh okay let's double up because red team seems to have been getting a clobbering and it's not exactly fair slow motion oh yeah that's good stuff damn holy crap oh the beef oh oh that would have been deadly if it actually landed okay the scoop the swoop the swing the swan no you're not oh ho ho but he lived holy oh it's 4v1 let's see if he can john wicket oh god taken out by his own teammate oh that was right to the jaw okay brain what you smacked your own friend and somehow that's a that's it you did a sweet dab on the way out though that didn't make much sense to me man red team just getting clobbered well they got the sun in their eyes or something come on oh the height some of these guys get i don't know i think they they improved the physics engine definitely oh okay blue got snobbered oh gross oh you got your own friend oh my god well they're all bunched up swift dodge oh my god death dealt oh my god he's a beast he's a beast he's unstoppable holy oh my god he just wanted his team to go down oh never mind he's dead well at least that's finally a victory for uh you guys what does stoners do oh you don't know i expected it to be anything all right go go for it guys you got this come on what's that man you should have ducked man you should have ducked is there like a replay button oh here we go well that was very nice um let's try two and let's see how that goes all right good luck guys okay they hit in mid-air met well red has the initiative on the reload that doesn't seem fair hang on let's get some artillery going how far can you guys throw this actually let's see how far these from downtown all right well that did a whole lot of nothing let's give some more dynamicism okay here comes chungo bonk here's omgwongo now miss nice jump though okay here we go red does have the initiative this guy this poor guy oh two for one sale oh well that guy got clobbered oh my god all right well duck [Music] [Laughter] he didn't duck man he just told him to duck he did not duck all right um what what happens i'm just i i love throwing rocks you know a few more let's make it even okay here we go that's even all right the rocks are in coming guys oh man now it's just sad when it gets to a scale it's sad it's not funny anymore you know because this is just the horrible realities of war no guys please no please have mercy please mercy mercy man no mercy on that okay well that's sad get out of here we're not here for sad what's a bone mage go mage it up what did you do [Music] then let's get some more lucky number 13. okay so bone mages are completely op that's what i'm getting unless we have protectors okay i know the spikes come from underground and so shields oh oh god oh this is sad oh one's coming in never mind he's very dead all right so that didn't help what about with like stoners in the back can you even throw over their heads i really hope you can throw over their heads good god oh payback's a watch out you've got shields coming in i think i got blunt okay chieftain oh this should be fun should be a battle for the ages never it's mind not a battle for anything jesus that was pathetic what about two they're just strong put some clubbers in there get some clubbers clubbing bonk wow there's this blue team just sucks okay all right go for it guys remember blue team get him buddy okay two can play at this game pal no not this guy i want to possess that guy thank you i win what happened let's try that again oh oh that's good oh oh bye friend hey you're still alive how's it going down there how are you doing belle oh no wait my dude oh good god yeah play dead my friend no please not like this no okay well that's one okay tribal farmer medieval ancient viking dynasty renaissance pirate spooky wild west legacy good evil secret what's legacy uh with the old version but these aren't hey peasants i don't remember peasants what did peasants do anything good god oh my god damn these peasants got an uppercut biff home bam bam god damn all right well let's go nuts with the clubbers it's like i'm power washing clubbers into existence they got to be able to take down one mammoth you know what i mean oh now we're getting my computer to lag this is what i'm talking about there we go my computer can catch up can you guys do anything you guys uh man you guys you guys would not survive the winter if you can't take down one mammoth oh i just don't think that they're actually doing any damage to it oh they win oh no it's fine there were so many dudes there were so many this guy's a champ this guy's a champ this guy's a champ he's got this oh well he was about to win because he he i think in the end he baited it off the mountain and so oh oh oh how you doing pal you all right you're right buddy you seem to be in a bit of a predicament and then he'd be dead there forever and that's how a skeleton would get there and people would be very confused what about like stoners there's gotta be a methodology of just throwing enough rocks at a mammoth would theoretically win right if you throw enough rocks oh wow the clubbers just didn't do anything they just sucked all right well that's the answer to that all right let's explore some of this a hay baler oh [Music] i don't know what i was thinking i don't know what i was thinking all right you hobbits [Music] okay uh you're gonna hold hands or whatever oh god i'm running the heart okay well that was that was interesting potion seller okay what does potion seller do [Music] all right and while we answer that question interesting [Music] what is your face what is wrong with you i'm so afraid i've never been more afraid what's wrong with your neck is that your chin or is that your neck all right keep it up yeah keep nailing right in the junk that's gonna win you yeah i don't i don't know if this is the right strategy pal yeah you keep going for the balls but i think that guy's dead all right i'm gonna call this one a draw are you guys are just the front line leading the charge of the most incredible wheel barrel destruction derby the world has ever seen damn [Music] oh my god all right good job scarecrow now is a scarecrow actually something that does anything or what does this oh my god oh oh my god who won sure okay that's terrifying so let's do a back line of scarecrows oh yeah that's going to lag me up versus hay balers no wheel barrelers hay balers potion sellers farmers and then harvesters go [Music] get them oh my god okay their crows have respawned for the second volley so i guess they were a little bit far for that to work hmm are you guys okay you guys all right okay i say boring what else we got medieval bard nah yeah what does bart do [Music] see what you guys do [Laughter] that's not funny man do you like pump up your your fellow dudes is that what you do you pump no dude just can you like at least sue the mammoth or something is is there like some other point to you is there a point i give you some more space there you go pal there you go pal you got some space on you all right you got him this time buddy you gotta miss time [Music] god all right so it doesn't soothe let's get a healer there for you so you can heal that damage oh yeah get him full of heel juice that's really gonna get him oh wow okay well he's dead now lead him off the mountain oh epic strategy i can't believe he's surviving he's alive never mind the king is in town we got the whole squad here this guy don't stand a chance this guy don't stand a freaking chance it's like a raid boss in here damn damn [Applause] dog kicking okay oh yay okay we did it i guess winning is beating the creature that just wanted to survive how about a catapult versus a bard this is the kind of contest i like that he's alive he's unstoppable unflappable he can't be flapped no one's ever flapped him he's coming for you this bard's ready to kill he's unbeatable you'll never stop [Music] you'll never beat him jeez you okay all right ancient shield bearer the minotaur okay oh well that that clearly wasn't fair i didn't mean to do that i didn't mean to do that meant to do this where'd you go soothe the savage beast soothe it choose the beast soothe it shoot the beast the beast [Music] he's fine okay so that is a totally accurate battle simulator haven't played in a while still gives me some good laughs i love a good rag doll i really like a ragdoll if you watch the heist with markiplier you definitely know that there are some moments in there with ragdolls in it in fact hopefully we can put a clip of it in right now so if you haven't seen a heist with markiplier go check that out also if you want to play totally accurate battle simulator you can go find it in the link in the description below it's on the epic game store and you can use my creator code markiplier in the epic game store as well let me know if you want to see more of this i guess it's always kind of fun i do enjoy it it's silly it's nice what's a da vinci well we'll find out later if you guys want to see it or play for yourself thank you and as always i will see you in the next video bye-bye [Music] you

Channel: Markiplier

Views: 3,773,000

Keywords: markiplier, tabs, totally accurate battle simulator, simulator, sim game, simulation, funny, funny games, physics, game physics, funny glitches

Id: M9kl5wyEUf0

Length: 17min 58sec (1078 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 14 2021