George Costanza's Greatest hits

who are you George castanza I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met it's not you it's me you're giving me the it's not you it's me routine I invented it's not you it's me nobody tells me it's them not me if it's anybody it's me all right George it's you you're a damn right it's me look I was just trying to you know I know what you were trying to do Nobody Does it Better Than Me Shut Your trops and stop King the Saints we're trying to watch the movie and if I have to tell you again we're going to take it outside and I'm going to show you what it's like you understand me now shut your mouths or I'll shut them for you and if you think I'm kidding just try me try me because I would love it you're telling me that wine is better than Pepsi no way wine is better than Pepsi oh hey hey hey that's great that's very nice you know we've been waiting 20 minutes for you people what do you think you're muscolini back off puff ball it's not my car wasn't talking to you you know we're living in a society we're supposed to act in a civilized way I tell you if I was running for office I would ask for the death penalty for double pocket if this is allowed to go on this this is not a society this is anate she called he yelled cartright I missed that who's caught right I'm caught right you're not caught right of course I'm not caught right I mean would to kill you not to be so funny all the time that's all I'm asking this woman thinks I'm very funny and now you're going to be funny so what am I going to be I'm going to be a short bold guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny I'm not treating you to lunch anymore you had to tell Julie that I made a special point of telling you that I bought you the big salad didn't you uh you know if it was a regular salad I wouldn't have said anything but you had to have that big George is this funny it's funny why couldn't you make me an architect you know I always wanted to pretend that I Was An Architect I uh I'm an architect really what do you design uh railroads I thought Engineers do that they can it's not a lie if you believe it what do you do I'm an architect have you designed any buildings in New York have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim you did that yep yep you it didn't take very long either I'm uh I'm also an architect Elaine bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don't approach strange women I tell you something I wish there were Pigmen you got a few of these Pigmen walking around suddenly I'm looking a lot better that way if someone wanted to fix me up they could say hey at least he's no Pigman I know less about women than anyone in the world don't like when a woman says make love to me it's intimidating the last time a woman said that to me I wound up apologizing to her really that's a lot of pressure make love to me what am I in the circus I've never in my life of of like what what was that you mean in the end a counterclockwise swirl what's that what on your on your hand let me see what's on your hand I don't know it's a give me that let me see what's on your hand I want to see what's on your hand give me your hand number one take her a leg oh my God crib notes you've got crib notes it's a very complicated move I couldn't remember at all oh my God I'm sick you know it's not the s I don't think I could do it you know they always remember the first time I don't want to be remembered I want to be forgotten every time I go to the bathroom I pass her desk I have to plan little patter I spend half my day writing then afterwards I sit in my office and analyze how it went if it was a good conversation I don't go to the bathroom for the rest of the day would you like to come upstairs for some coffee oh no than I can't drink coffee late at night it keeps me up what did you say I don't know what the hell I said I gave her an ultimatum and there's nothing I can do it's a machine the little light is blinking right now come and listen to the idiot hey everybody the idiot son I love you you know I'm hungry let's get something to eat you can't have a relationship when one person says I love you and the other one says I'm hungry let's get something to eat I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental ins he stole your girlfriend yes she's in love with him amazing I drive them to lesbianism he brings them back I really think we need to talk uh-oh she tried to hit it with me Jerry what'd you do I told her I was out of soda I went out to get some and I never went back it's amazing if I reach out and touch her breast right now she'd scream and throw me out of the car but at this time tomorrow I could touch it all I want I'm really sorry I was in the pool I was in the pool I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be well in fact it is all that it should be and more I'm sure it is look you don't understand there was shrinkage every time we go out to eat the minute we're done eating she's running for the bathroom so you're concerned Elaine of course I'm concerned I'm paying for those meals what are you doing in here George I was just wondering what it was you wanted for dessert it's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office is that correct was that wrong should I not have done that I tell you I got to plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon you know cuz I I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time how so I'll tell you how so she's bald you mean bald what do you think I mean bald bald bald bald she's bald she's bald Jerry I'm out baby I'm out why do you fire her because I kissed her in the MD eting Russell found out he fing over the phone finally my stupidity pays off you fixed me up with a bald woman I got rejected by a bald woman I'm stuck every time I think I'm out they pull me back in do you want to have sex right now do you want to have sex with me right now let's go come on let's go baby come on my mother caught me caught you doing what you know I was [Music] alone you think you're so damn special cuz you say God bless you I I I I don't think I'm special my mother always said I'm not special for I Am castanza Lord of the [Music] idiots do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my demena look at these salesman the only thing these guys fear is the walk out no matter what they say you say I'll walk out of here right now can I help you with something hold it one more step and we're walking you're not going to do it what do you mean you're not going to do it I can't I'm not an orgy guy are you crazy this is like discovering plutonium by accident George is getting upset worlds are colliding George is getting upset anything goes it's Thunderdome City now you're killing independent George no no no no no it was not trash I told you the Drake was bad I hate the Drake and then she starts talking about her panties I'm going to need some water here well I can't walk anywhere now I'm just going to be wishing there were walkways Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch excuse me I've got a maniac stalking me I'm not staying in the city I got to get out of this [ __ ] 51 people died 51 people mhm that's it I thought it was like a th000 1,660 survivors that's no tragedy how many people do you lose on a normal Cruise 30 40 you ask me here to have lunch tell me you slept with a lan and then say you're not in the mood for details Now you listen to me I want details and I want them right now I don't have a job I have no place to go you're not in the mood well you get in the mood I was in there for 2 minutes he didn't do anything touch this feel that 75 bucks well it's a first visit I'm only paying half you can't do that why not he's a doctor you got to pay what he says no no no no no no I pay what I say I was raised to say God bless you ah shut up believe it or not George isn't at home please leave a message at the beat I must be out or I'd pick up the phone where could I be believe it or not I'm not [Music] home he has to have two spaces I tell you know what I'd like to do I'd like to spit on it I would like to see that should I should I do it teach him a lesson I'll never forget okay this is some machine leave it to the Germans let me ask you something what do they get for tuna but I Proclaim this the summer of [Music] George what was that there's a mental hospital right near here but I'm disturbed I'm depressed I'm inadequate I got it all laughing and lying you're killing independent George they're only not World they colliding [Applause]

Channel: skylinerse

Views: 6,791,973

Keywords: Seinfeld, George, Costanza, Jerry, Kramer, Elaine, comedy, montage, Jason Alexander (Actor)

Id: A66ierfTCUQ

Length: 12min 41sec (761 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 15 2012