Everything Wrong With The Boss Baby: Family Business In 19 Minutes Or Less

comcast 44 seconds of two logos whose boss do i actually need to talk to about this dreamworks nbc universal crowncast do not put me on the phone within comcast again god damn it one time i waited them out for 45 straight days to clear up an on-demand issue time is a funny thing you know what's not funny starting an animated kids movie with [ __ ] narration seriously i guarantee that not one giggle turtle snicker knee slap or busted gut occurred during the opening minutes of this movie unless alcohol was involved who the [ __ ] built this treehouse and why hasn't that person been jailed for child endangerment not only is the latter itself a death trap look at the [ __ ] construction of that shack on top of the trunk which looks like it would collapse if it encountered a single raindrop it's all about the dough it's the yeast i can do i don't know what's worse here the dad jokes or the puns each can be tolerable in small doses but together it's like an evil comedic version of megazord that assaults my comedic sensibilities as egregiously as the real one does to rita repulsa believe it or not jimbo is mayor now i would just like to say that's surprising but i also live in a state where [ __ ] jimbo would be a political upgrade in most any office yo these three police officers were just sitting around in the alley as a speed trap in the middle of the city i don't care if they're the triplets from the last movie what a terrible misallocation of resources no wonder jimbo's mayoral administration is based on a shabby shadow government even in tim's imagination the chair surfboard should be melting from the lava that's right kids tim is dead now this is the candy volcano yeah and it's all over that wooden table i don't care how great of a dad you think you are that finish is gonna be ruined much more than a simple coffee ring which i may add is also bound to happen since i see no coasters around here anywhere sure disney may have the famous magic mirror on the wall but hey dreamworks has the market cornered on mirrors that contain shout outs to the big lebowski you may think the former is more impressive but it's just like um your opinion man i'm listening to white noise helps me fall asleep letting your child sleep with earbuds in uncle ted was a magical talking baby previously on the boss baby good night uncle ted i hope to grow up and be a success just like you okay i'm gonna go ahead and sin uncles here sure i am one but uncles are generally the worst [ __ ] on the planet especially the single ones they make money anything that moves live in nice apartments with no maintenance required and they get all the love and adoration of their nieces and nephews mostly because they just show up out of nowhere impress the tykes then go back to the aforementioned [ __ ] in the aforementioned apartment and that really should be the point of the movie but it's just the c or d story and i demand that it be promoted to the main plot line because single uncles deserve judgment what the dick is that outlet doing right there above the attic entrance what could you possibly want to plug in right there it's not like you need to hook up a lamp or anything the switch for the overhead is right beside it where is the time gone the father character in a family movie is scared that his child or children are growing up too fast and wonders where the time goes cliche if wizzy has this much strength why was he still stuck in the box after all these years also just like the original film the boss baby sequel has zero answers as to why this random toy is sentient this sweet breath of freedom wizzy waited until just now to pop out of his box if it's been that long since tim came up into the attic this place should look scarier than the scorpion infested and sinister yes as far as they start spending less time with you i'll give boss baby this much i thought my whole life what it would be like if toys were actually alive and suffered hurt and loss when kids grew past needing them it's odd there hasn't already been a franchise with four feature films and countless short films that covers this very thing weird i'm afraid tabitha and i are growing apart i know fantasy movie has to fantasy but i don't care what type of arrested development tim's in this is a conversation he should be having with his loving wife god damn it tim hears a strange sound in his infant daughter's room and rather than run down there to check on her he creeps in like he's expecting to find toby demon [ __ ] around in here not having those plastic guard plugs on your outlets in your infant's room and what the is up with the animated electricity in this movie i'm in the family business roll rubber baby buggy bumpers hey wanna go scare the crap out of mom i know that tim has been through this baby court thing with his brother already but this is his daughter and he's already worried that his older daughter is growing up too fast and he is now showing zero concern for the youngest holding a full-time corporate job tim is a hard nut to crack that's the spirit daddy you are exactly who i need then why did tina wait until just now to ask him to join her mission why is tonight of all nights the one time everything must be set in motion is it just tim's imagination being activated because tabitha is growing up because if that's the case i'm gonna have to eventually sin this it was all a dream nonsense it's complicated why of all the questions i have about this movie the most unexpectedly pressing is why they had to make the super baby a [ __ ] ninja yeah this movie is supposedly set in the present day of 2021 but not only is this [ __ ] using a flip phone that has a pull out antenna how hard is it for movie characters to keep the god damn toothpaste in their mouth i can see by the brush going in and out of your mouth that you're brushing your teeth we don't need a mouth full of rabies foam to add to the effect i don't care that he's callously landing a helicopter in the middle of a sleeping neighborhood because ted's a bit my question is how he did that among all these [ __ ] trees even if we don't see proof of it later we all know that tim will reuse that toothbrush so just going to go ahead and send that i get this effect of the money flying out of the helicopters to show that ted is so rich it doesn't matter but for me it has me questioning how if he's this careless with money how does he [ __ ] have any ted is a really smart guy he would have every goddamn scent accounted for that milk is still out on the goddamn table instead of in the fridge where it belongs everyone in this house will be dead by the next day from excessive abdominal cramping i hate tinder but may i make a suggestion tina could have ended this freaks minutes ago by simply interjecting like she is now but instead we get some stupid bickering to pad the run time and i guarantee this won't be the last time this happens in the movie main character forgets magical event that occurred in childhood because they become a corporate chill as an adult cliche also known as hook syndrome i did single-handedly save the company double-handedly rapidly for partners really i don't see your statue my name is dr erwin armstrong why did tina have to bring them all the way to the baby corp hq to play them this intro for the school how has tim not even seen this thing considering tabitha's already enrolled you want me to be a baby would you do this so you could infiltrate the school and find out what dr armstrong is really up to so the plan is to turn ted back into a baby and have him infiltrate the school since he's already an adult why not just have him pose undercover as a teacher or a janitor or [ __ ] anything less convoluted and more likely to fail such as this terrible plan it's the perfect disguise and it only lasts 48 teensy-weensy hours this thing is such a half-assed pastiche of other generally better movies man there's the discount polyjuice potion the jeff goldblum from thor ragnarok performance the 21 jump streets story angle and it even rips off the previous movie in this franchise when people [ __ ] about the lack of creativity in hollywood this is the movie poster they point to with their middle finger the curious case of boss baby button also why are they aging backwards and stages this slowly they're chugging this formula but when ted dropped a bit on his hand a second ago it shrank back to baby size within seconds mommy says no running in the house she also probably says not to waste delicious sugary cereal but that's exactly what you're doing tina tons of tense times treating toddlers to a tableau of titty twisting tots because you're young and strong honey carol and tabitha see none of this tina i feel like i've seen this movie hundreds of times before like not just the one before the sequel but it's exact movie before animated hijinks coked up dialogue [ __ ] attempts at sentimentality i mean for a franchise that tries to legitimize the emotions and cognition of young people they sure do treat them like [ __ ] idiots also this is probably a silly call back to a ryan murphy movie that alec baldwin did back in 2006 called running with scissors and it's just as goddamn stupid as adding the cookies are for closer's law and back in the first boss baby did they really just leave movie expects me to believe that this wife and mother of two is just casually befuddled that her husband peace out with his brother during the holiday with no notice whatsoever can we get on with this the director said let's have your character try to eat an apple in this scene but you can't because you don't have any teeth that'll make both you and the apple seem more like a couple of [ __ ] oh so sorry okay who exactly does carol see in tina's bed since she's up on the ceiling fan how did carol not see tina and ted hanging from the ceiling fan how are tina and ted hanging from the ceiling fans so was this secret compartment built in after or before the dresser was purchased how has tim never come across it even accidentally let's get some sleep as anyone with kids can attest babies really do fall asleep this quickly and i am super jealous of that ability so am i sending babies for being able to sleep so easily yes yes i am he uses one of those plastic grabber toys to pull down the goddamn attic have you ever picked up anything heavier than a kleenex with one of those things no you haven't i guess i can understand why they would just keep the bed set up in the attic when they stored it why would they hang the mobiles we interrupt this boss baby movie to bring you the even more disturbing footage of dr strange's initial trip to the astral plane oh no okay this is the exact same [ __ ] house as the one in national lampoon's christmas vacation and i'm officially done with the sh ripping off other movies 25 extra sins you heretics is this a laundry shoot why does it have so many [ __ ] twists and turns then how many socks and underwear must die alone and the serpentine helmets for you to just get a shaft that goes straight down for the love of god [Music] i'm gonna go we're navigation set when did they have time to type in where they were going how did ted know the address of tap at the school where did he get a phone no adult in this heavily trafficked town reports the two young children riding a pony through the city center road tim and ted survive all this who exactly do these officers think they're busting that's clearly not a car if anything it's a horse-drawn carriage the cops use radar guns on horse-drawn carriages and he probably does have some justification for reckless driving and the fact that they're endangering others but speeding the [ __ ] out of here with goddamn speeding the kind of adult loser watches movies in a theater at 8 a.m unless they caught an early flight to los angeles and that's the only spot to kill time until the hotel room is ready and get off my back [ __ ] i was pleasantly surprised how much i enjoyed jumanji welcome to the jungle watching this well whatever the [ __ ] all this is i just realized how [ __ ] annoying all of the is it or isn't it a christmas movie debates for boss baby family business will be i mean this movie is going to make so much money wait what is that it only made that much never mind also totally a christmas movie honey i can hear you fine the pageant gotta go bye okay what does carol think is going on here she can hear all this commotion on the phone that she should also be able to coincidentally hear outside of her car and there's a fireball currently following her car carol is a terrible [ __ ] mother i was not expecting how angry the strength of the grabber toys in this movie would make me but even further why do they have a grabber toy in the car at all that was fun relishing and causing destruction and probably a few counts of murder these tiny [ __ ] are carrying around cell phones wads of cash and god knows what else but how have you ever seen a pocket on an outfit for kids this young not so fast i'm blue you're yellow everyone walking around can currently see and hear this commotion between ted and tim i know this school is full of future geniuses but do they have a lot of babies that can carry on full conversations why is no one stopping to see what the [ __ ] this is all about hi hey i'm new here i know he looks different but how does tabitha not recognize the sound of her father's voice and does anyone find it suspicious that a second grader has already gone through puberty and has the vocal timber of a 40 year old man horrifically this franchise has not lost its weird fascination with naked baby butts the difference in try and triumph is just a little umph and the difference between this sequel being greenlit or not is whether alec baldwin wanted to buy that island in the caribbean he's been iphone for years hands down norma ray this is my time i bet all the kids watching this who were late 70s sally field fans got a kick out of that reference i heard they liked it they really really liked it well so far it's tabitha number one and everybody else last if this is such an uber competitive scholastic environment why is everyone except for little ginger man clapping for tabitha's success shouldn't they be trying to unseat the queen of this class how exactly is nathan doing worse than tim what questions has tim been answering correctly here we wouldn't dare play the music but playing run dmcs it's tricky we'll get this film a sin not because of the song itself but because this movie does not deserve run dmc given the physical [ __ ] of this movie i'll grant that ted could climb around the walls using glue or paste at least for a while but he's gone from the yellow room all the way across the school and that would run out long before it made it this far what so can he control the dentures after they're out of his mouth that's almost more impressive than a baby talking surprise oh oh he's a baby guy nazi that epic plot twist coming from a mile where is this ice cream they've already given tina an ipad-like tablet man that's a young time to get used to staring at a screen for half the day let alone the inevitability of her jailbreak in that [ __ ] in a few months to watch mind-numbing fail videos on youtube what time is it what was so bad about the time-up punishment i guess some people don't like enya but tim fell asleep and seemed generally well treated why the hell were all the kids scared of that sucker when he went in you know for a highly regulated school that's built solely on excellence there sure are a lot of unsavory characters around here why does irwin enroll these ragamuffins if they're surely gonna bring down his standardized testing one two three and one two three kits why are they handing out flyers for a school-wide [ __ ] event that happens tomorrow we seriously didn't do any advanced marketing for this pageant decapitating frosty it's hard to say happy birthday with no head have we not traumatized enough kids stream works stalking your own child well what's your name your friend marcos marcus and i sound exactly like your husband but let's ignore that because we need this excuse for a plot to figure its own way around its ass i taught babies to code business plan for apple's offshore production facility somehow make it into this hey where did all these lawyers come from wow what a palace holy sh tim's wife just totally face off the child version of him from school is she even planning on calling us fake parents did she ask him for his address or proof of vaccination before welcoming the stranger into her home this is so great i guess tim's trying to hide all his childhood pictures so that tabitha doesn't suspect that he's magically turned into the pre-tween version of her dad is that seriously his thought process here also just because the pictures are hidden now doesn't mean she hasn't seen them for the last seven or eight years right if she got enrolled in that fancy school i'm pretty sure she's at the stage of object permanence hey hey the key still works breaking and entering also if tim's parents are already over for the holiday and they've brought all the presents that means christmas is pretty [ __ ] close right so why the hell is school still in session listen believe it or not i used to be just like you goldblum's position no more parents so is irwin an actual baby like he doesn't have the magic milk potion or was set by baby corp or anything right but he's had time to build a school get it accredited formal curriculum and recruit the best and brightest in the nearby town that must have taken years therefore he should not be a baby anymore couples who dress alike remember when he said our boss was trying to kidnap us dude it's bad enough to talk about your son behind his back but in front of a strange kid these ass parents are ass and full of ass do we have to no no you don't and this is presumably a kid your age asking you to practice the song grow a backbone or a singing voice in the next 24 hours tabitha whichever is easier all you gotta do is imagine that you're inside the song well i mean also need good pitch range vocalizing abilities etc but semantics just wish you were a good singer tabitha and you will be that's exactly how life works i know these kids are super young but there are three adult members of the family in this house right now and they're all cool with tabitha laying in bed with the dude she just met with the door closed that's just weird at any age when did standard non-musical animated movies start cramming musical numbers in the middle of the action who started this and why do i feel like scooter braun was somehow involved hi marcos earlier marcos slash tim told carol that he lived very far away which is why she brought him to their house for dinner but now she's just sending him off into the wintery night with no clue where he has to be or how long it will take him to get there seriously guys carol is a terrible terrible mother you go get him tabitha sweet moment to be sure but does tim remember that he's in a kid's suit for the next 24 hours or so and has to figure out a way to thwart the evil plans of baby ian malcolm god damn seems like this boss baby movie completely forgot how to boss or baby what's going on uncle ted really misses you but clearly no one misses tina or it's just common practice to let her go play up in the attic alone [ __ ] carol looks like we have to stop armstrong ourselves we're going rogue yeah and how i know they look like babies but ted at least is a titan of industry and they should know that trying to take down an operation this complex with only a few hours to plan is a terrible idea these babies might be geniuses but they still have baby metabolisms and all that candy would at the very least send ted and armstrong's bodies into some sort of shock if not a full ass diabetic coma b day b day it's already in the parents phones geez and you thought ios 14.5 was a privacy disaster [Music] this kid looks like he's at least in third or fourth grade so what's the cutoff for doctor of the flies baby revolution he's not considering these older kids babies is he no one sees this baby running unattended down the aisle in a suit talking into a bluetooth nothing's gonna ruin my b day not even you if armstrong knew all about the device they planted why did he wait until now to take it out you had one job to do one job actually he had several he had to break into the pageant join into the performance without attracting attention wait until after tabitha sang her solo communicate with the rest of the team and then shut the whole thing down using tina's social media prowess save your condescending banner for the next mission impossible movie secretary hundley oh wait this isn't the time out it's game over so armstrong would be willing to murder ted and tim i know he's a bad guy but jesus can these tykes seriously not get out of these ropes they're barely wrapped around their chests and given their childish girth should be able to wriggle out of this [ __ ] with these grams nana mom tina was sitting right next to her family and knew exactly what was going on so why didn't she try and stop them from engaging in any of this app takeover now we can make parents do whatever we want if a baby was really the smart he or she would know that it's a power they already have got your nose i'm pretty sure this action sequence at the end of the movie is so goddamn bonkers that even the kids won't have any clue what's going on here mentos you shall not pass taking gandalf's name in vain why isn't tim turning back into an adult at the same rate as ted they took the anti-aging formula at the same time damn it why the [ __ ] nozzle [ __ ] [ __ ] is everyone slow clapping now they're not hypnotized and they have no clue what's been going on for the last several minutes why are these adults not only in a full panic but not trying to find their own progeny he who sang this how would wizzy use a phone why would he need a phone wait so you never actually quit which poses the important question of where baby corp is in all this they had already sidelined ted and tim and were sending in their own task force and tina was lying about them backing out then where are they in your face leslie brothers milk was a bad choice

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,253,529

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, boss baby, the boss baby, boss baby reaction, reaction, reactions, funny, outtakes, bloopers, boss baby bloopers, bossy baby outtakes, the boss baby family business, boss baby 2, everything wrong with boss baby 2, boss baby 2 bloopers, boss baby 2 reaction, boss baby family business, boss baby 2 family business, boss baby 2 trailer reaction, boss baby 2 reaction trailer

Id: FhtTG8SnF6I

Length: 18min 36sec (1116 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 02 2021