Everything Wrong With Sing 2 in 16 Minutes or Less

[Music] comcast okay [ __ ] let's dive in first you're having the goddamn minions introduce the illumination logo second i find it impossible to believe that an entire colony of minions can clap and sink and finally 48 seconds of logos for an animated american idol sequel with animals jesus perhaps one of the most unbelievable parts of this movie is that they ask us to believe an elephant is tripped up by a thorny bramble also it turns out that the frantic running through the forest fronds is all part of a play in a theater meaning all the scenery the falling landing and tiny doors all somehow enacted on a stage in front of an audience this rock is center stage but everything behind mina is still part of the set forget understanding how any of this works before this play continues much further i just need to say how disturbing it is to never be told what sort of animal is zipped in the flower costumes every one of these shorter creatures cannot see the stick i want to see the scene where mr moon contacts the glowy squid colony from the first movie and pitches this costume idea you see this time you'll be trapped in a small moving bubblefish tank ball that is propelled by another person who's also somehow inside of it and able to breathe it's much better than being trapped at a stage aquarium how's the post-traumatic therapy going by the way that blue caterpillar's body segments all just split apart and why would you put nightmare fuel like this in a kid's movie i can't tell if she's enjoying it how could she be mr moon is now chasing the lady critic dog while i can't feel my face plays in the background a song about being [ __ ] up on cocaine get out of the room [Music] none of these [ __ ] actually jump into the water to help the koala they all stand on the side and whimper aloud as if that does a damn thing what dumbass electrician wired this light switch to turn the lights on by flipping down this is a theater director's office look at the size of it my god okay the talent scout had an iphonish thing but here we see a landline phone a huge imac computer screen and a radio cassette player from 1988 pick a time period and stay with it how did he close himself in the drawer i'm a failure nana rightfully gives moon the what for on his woe is me mentality but fails to really dig into how horrible of a person he is for overlooking the clear success of his existing theater the rest of the movie hinges on this big break being meaningful but their success in red shore city ultimately means abandoning this theater entirely so how does that work she she ran me off the road into a canal technically the cab simply turned right and moon failed to follow suit i'm sending whoever was responsible for the hideous combination of colors on the walls and floors and these adjacent rooms hey rick how come you're only paying me half with the other acts get a better question how does ash know what the other acts get paid or why wasn't payment discussed before the show and agreed upon in contract this is the only club in town moon once wore a shirt that said caletonia university and there is just no way a university city has only one club we've got nothing to lose i don't know pride self-esteem the money spent on those bus tickets you got some stuff to lose these passengers aren't only not annoyed by the music they appear to be starting to enjoy it how the [ __ ] does this giraffe see out of the goddamn windshield i hate everyone on this bus they even have a las vegas there's so much about this world that is identical to ours i'm not even sure why they made these characters all animals here is a building that is named something oopy i think we all know what that first letter is what do you mean now this is so much like the muppets take manhattan that i'm expecting them to next head to a grungy diner with rats for waiters our animal heroes fail at gaining access upstairs and this person can't be bothered to vouch for their talent she watched them on the entire bus ride none of this movie happens if the crystal employee would have simply closed this door another light switch that has to be pressed down to turn a light on was my electrician wrong [ __ ] this movie for making me question all the light switches in my house mina do you think that's kind of your size yes it is in her size and magically there are enough jumpsuits to perfectly fit everyone in the cast it's a christmas miracle the sheer amount of socket lube that must be present for this to work jesus mina remembered how important it was to grab mops to complete their impromptu ruse without any foreknowledge of their immediate need in the following scene is this the right time to ask how they knew to go to the 187th floor was there a plot level button also what kind of talent agency has an office with over 187 floors now the movie is playing a song with lyrics that say in the middle of the night in my dreams you should see the things we do does the movie know there are pop songs without lyrics that are explicitly about sex and drugs as mr crystal redbuttons several terrible acts in a row i have to ask why were the community theater guys not good enough to come audition here can we just take a moment to appreciate the difficulty involved in slipping into a bodysuit when you have no thumbs this is the story narration it's called out of this world and with that some harmonizing to a popular song and a stage dissolving mutual acid trip we can continue with this very random plot the animal singers are now improvising a sci-fi musical and they are singing where the streets have no name it has to be here for the parents in the audience because that's old but anyway why would the world's best talent agent be interested in a show full of pre-existing tunes he'd have to pay royalties for are you telling me you got clay callaway's permission to use his song well what if i told you i did oh now i get it the scene mimics the director's pitch for sing too i'll give you three weeks moon three weeks to get this show up and running what the [ __ ] i think i can confidently say that any stage show that goes from concept to opening night in three weeks is absolute garbage i can tell you the guy is a recluse seriously after his wife died no one's seen him in over 15 years sounds like he wants to be left alone and yet this movie's heroes will still hunt him down and harass him to sing again and because he enjoys himself in the end it would be painted as a grand gesture of love but it's really a huge invasion of privacy also it's clear they will find the guy and convince him to join the show so the movie's main message so far is just lie to get where you want to get and hope your life is being written by screenwriters so everything works out perfectly as we waste time panning over obnoxious fountains to the sweet sounds of higher love it's clear that most of the film's budget went to songwrites honestly these sing movies are like now that's what i call music the move what if it was like a big underwater scene instead jesus gunter the cast just got over their near-death drowning experience from the last film show a little restraint this is apparently the show crew at their door and i understand why there is a construction guy but there's also a blueprints guy what is he carrying blueprints of this stage hasn't even been designed yet then there's donkey over on the left here carrying 4 000 sheets of paper which i suppose is the script or something even though nothing's been written yet and the construction guy's hard hat is ridiculously unnecessary when visiting the hotel room of the performers jesus this movie makes no sense class will turn you into a pro in no time he will not i'm gonna cast a great partner for you he will not the pig character's spouse brought 110 offspring to the hotel room because pigs like rabbits i guess also this movie wasn't stupid enough so we need a bunch of toddlers running around a kindergarten cop this [ __ ] up some more come on johnny you can do better this koala is an [ __ ] i think this scene is about how the dance instructor keeps picking on the gorilla but it might be about the gorilla being bad at ballet which is weird because we are prepping a space musical and somehow the rehearsals have turned all black swan and ballage project runway animals what kind of proper sound mixing recording studio room is open to the air in a building the size of an aircraft hangar this confusing interface is doing nothing to help miss crawling it instructs her that the destination is on the right with no path outline on the actual map and an indicator on the bottom left that she still has about two miles to go i mean she's obviously missing some mental connections because she drives up this hill like a maniac but the map isn't helping at all clay's house is surrounded by defenses against intruders but the gate is open i think everyone should be concerned with the fact that clay callaway only had two seconds to get to his garage to engage the intruder and was somehow super ready for that was he just hanging out in the garage holding a paint gun just in case she loses her fake eye and the director said let's replace that dead eye with an apple even though you aren't an [ __ ] because reasons whatever this building is for it has a giant phone block ball pit and that is either rad or sad depending on how much money these employees are making i assume they're non-union bringing your children to work you should just not put food in a movie unless you want me to examine it here we have both the world's largest grapes and the world's smallest peaches but also the cookies are white chocolate chip regular chocolate chip and chocolate chocolate chip and that is a very narrow selection of cookies yay push your weight see kids the takeaway is that after you want to get what you want you can strap on a piece of equipment and leap from the highest platform with zero experience and somehow survive well that's a lovely dream you had there portia moon is a [ __ ] idiot he just heard an incredible voice come out of a fearless woman and he dismisses her cause only when we suffer can we be great tell that to [ __ ] tom brady no one will be seated while the movie goes to great length to ensure you know that the gorilla had a hard time finding a new job in order to prove he needs help performing he will now perform in a goddamn diner the most infuriating part of this scene is the tabletop display for condiments this monstrosity takes up an entire place setting for the person who would be sitting there and would be an absolute horror to clean up after every table just put the ketchup and mustard on the table take the rock collection away bring me my food and my bill at the same time and let's finger you think some riff-raff street dancer can help you more than me riff-raff street rat i don't buy that if only they look closer i'm just a stupid fat old monkey don't think that at all reasons why this movie is an hour and 49 minutes long for 200 current jeopardy host i only need two days of it these two stop along the walk so johnny could show off his existing dance moves new she only heard him sing but is somehow very confident he can also dance wow she's a mess she's also standing right there and your valid concern is immediately rendered weightless when everyone returns to practice rather than assist miss crawley with her rotting apple eye and bruising paint splatter tent to her you're two hours late for a hassle porsche was at rehearsal when moon was called away to immediately meet with mr crystal moon races back downstairs to inform his team he has to leave to get calloway and now somehow porsche is two hours late time how does it work trespassing quick question if their intention is to climb over why go the difficult to scale pole route and not the easily mounted intricate gateway and that's why they say never meet your heroes also never trespass never agree to produce a show based entirely around a lie and always pack extra underwear wait i think the idea is that nushi watched rehearsals and learned all the choreography then retrain johnny to feel the flow within the choreography in order to make the musicality connections needed to do this on stage meaning new she kicks ass at what she does and johnny super lucked out because he simply needed a new skateboard and she was outside this is all because you lost your wife isn't it going there do you think this is what ruby would have wanted for you i think the mummy wants us to go along with pressure and calloway to reignite his career because we believe ash's heart is in the right place but ultimately these [ __ ] have crashed into a man's broken world and are using emotional manipulation to have a successful show they are absolute [ __ ] i just need time with him need to have someone check the bandage requiring burns on your hands that's what also isn't that incredibly presumptuous moon is taking their only vehicle is ash just gonna stick around and mooch until she's kicked out or has the police called on her why go through all the trouble of having your production booth on the actual stage when it will be elsewhere during the performance go to the booth and get your off the stage what finally motivates the reclusive clay one of his own songs what a [ __ ] ego trip this guy is what movie gives the impression that mr crystal has used this deadly tactic before in which case he really does have an impressive cleanup crew because the pavement below isn't raising any suspicions today i learned that when fearing for their life koalas can unhinge all joints and overstretch their tendons which allow them to perform a life-saving move called the stretch armstrong you can see it here if you slow the frames down moon is fully released from the predator's grip which triggers the body to react and magically stretch and latch back on for survival well i say magically but it's scientific and we're all very lucky to have witnessed this happening in the wild like this wow i told you you were not cut out for this but these three were and we are never told what movie wants us to believe that moon can shut himself in drawers and suitcases you gotta be kidding me nope he got stuck in a moment and he can't get out of it running and hiding away is not all that it's cracked up to be but running and hiding from someone trying to kill you is different right open up for your dead moon okay first if he opens up he is dead anyway but more importantly how do these doors work earlier they just flew open for papa pig and the terrifying wave of piglet children yeah we got nine suspects loose on the river ride only about 50 of americans can swim well enough to save themselves so this intentional dive into the water is going to kill at least one hero this water log guitar this movie demands that we avoid asking questions like how the did miss crowley get this cherry picker to the crystal household and how did she find porsche's window wow my dad's gonna flip when he finds out about us say no more son we're on our way super great but it took everyone hours to get from calatonia to red shore so unless pops has a rocket this won't help at all the heroes release the piglets here and honestly in hindsight it's the dickiest of moves my name is buster moon and i've somehow become a hacker through my assistant who is somehow capable of just about anything i ask her to do the journey of a lifetime is about to begin and somehow all the cast and crew we need to pull this off are available at the drop of a hat we got jokes y'all a last minute spur of the moment word of mouth only musical somehow sells out that's so simple it's worth 10 cents everyone whoever tried to mount a stage show is giving you the finger for how easy it all came to you [ __ ] but the show despite the amazing sets is actually terrible as this gorilla sinks coldplay on a ass piano held together by ropes i would like to point out that this movie sucks somehow this real fight is allowed to go on during the song performance because no one watching has any idea what to do which is hilariously stupid this does not immediately break a nose without revealing too much of my personality i will say that this planet really brings back my awareness of dr pimple popper jesus at some point you just want this colorful to end this planet is called joy in the movie but i can confidently say these trippy worms came directly from the fear factory wait why do i care about this daughter of the bad guy having her moment just a reminder that this costume was previously on a pick before tonight these tiny tarsiers were completely unknown and in the span of maybe a few hours they have matching costumes choreography and a perfect starry set design reveal bullsh none of these creatures practiced this before the show yes this is pretty and fun but what the [ __ ] was going to fill this kooky layer tree before the cleanup crew learned this part boy it sure is a good thing that this song had a built-in pause just long enough to account for mr crystal's kidnapping and attempted murder of mr moon which allowed rosita to overcome her fear and leap to save him all in perfect timing to the tomb somehow in a movie where animals talk i'm far more upset about the mechanics of the rope and harness work every line should be mangled and tangled and every back broken give them jet packs or tiny drones strapped to their bodies and i believe this sequence is plausible okay no i wouldn't but it would still be more believable than this unrealistic rope work is clay thinking anything other than well f the jump in the water earlier did ruin my guitar i will add so many synths oh [ __ ] well i'm still going to sing it but gently he sings i still haven't found what i'm looking for because this movie paid for all these u2 songs so goddammit they're going to use them oh come on this is very dangerous where are the safety harnesses i'm sinning that i will never see a concert this amazing unless i take copious amounts of mind altering medications also lights can't do this swirly thing they think your show is fantastic and they want to put it on at their theater right but wouldn't mr crystal have had all the show rights signed to him guess we know the premise of sing three now the movie opens after crystal is released from prison and sues everyone we got ourselves a nodder do you have an appointment no but we saw his name in the paper and we've got this great show called manhattan melodies who is this hot mess it's steve gray the street magician and ashes all right that does it i refuse to continue this sketch you hear me you know george i've been your biggest supporter around here and that's why i was so disappointed to hear that you've been filtering the equipment george would never do anything like that what did he say you hadn't run away this wouldn't have happened you know i can feel the fear that you carry around and i wish there was something i could do to help you let go of it because if you could i don't think you'd feel so alone anymore you should make me your campaign manager i was born for politics okay i understand i have great hair and i love lying

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 339,926

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, sing, sing 2, bono, halsey, scarlett johansson, pharrell, animated, animation, animals, flubs, mistakes, nitpicks, film, musical

Id: l4rQroizn1c

Length: 16min 40sec (1000 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 11 2022