Everything Wrong With The Entire Harry Potter Franchise

[Music] special effects budget already blown better use shadows dumbledore leaves harry with head relatives knowing full well they will abuse and mistreat him for years to come there's no harry potter scar on this impostor baby oh there it is guess the makeup guys finally showed up on set um snakes don't have eyelids movie hits the bankers or trolls symbolism a little too on the nose hey they said an owl a cat or a toad but nobody said your magic animal could be a rat hermione isn't old enough to be hot yet harry switches sides of the table in a matter of seconds so hogwarts is basically a death trap turned into a school coed dorms for 11 year olds harry takes notes in poetic couplets snape takes points from gryffindor because a little kid who just found out he's a wizard like a day ago doesn't know all the answers to the wizard questions snape is a dick you would not leave a group of 11 year old students alone like this whether they were wizards or not staircase changes randomly at a time convenient to the plot you're saying it wrong hey bossypants he said it right okay it was draco who said it wrong you nag why are they running from a cat ron is mouthing the lines that he might sing they can't wave a wand and give a boy a respectable set of teeth hermione runs all the way around the giant quidditch field in 30 seconds why can't the teachers use their magic to decorate for christmas so that hagrid doesn't have to do so much manual labor t they even can use magic to decorate the tree the restricted section of the library isn't very restricted doesn't the use of the lantern sort of negate the benefits of the invisibility cloak exactly how tall is harry supposed to be i trust by now you realize what it does let me give you a clue wait do i realize it already or do i need a clue where am i supposed to go you didn't give me a letter no wait they get in trouble for being out late at night hanging out with hagrid and their punishment is to go hang out late at night with hagrid also the punishment involves taking four young students into the force so dangerous they have rules about students going in there ron hermione you'll come with me and then they split them up dude you are a wizard try some magic maybe or throw a stick tell me again why people root for harry harry potter this is where i leave you you just got here you nitwit voldemort will be strong again he'll come back how is he in the forest drinking unicorn blood and nearly killing you but he's not already labeled as bat harry's glasses don't even need lenses all the time where's harry's scar tonight when it'll be too late and the bad guy will already be down there traffickers total awesome spell make sure you never use it again particularly with bad guys this camera angle is not appropriate don't worry ron it'll disappear in a minute see so the bad guy who beat them here just left the key behind i really don't think that should have hurt him that much i mean he basically just fell down you're a great wizard listen if he's such a great wizard he would have performed at least one spell in this movie does the book explain how the sorcerer's stone ends up in harry's pocket cause the movie's kind of all you about it only a person who wanted to find the stone but not use it would be able to get it that's cute but it still doesn't explain how the stone ended up in his pocket dumbledore gives ron 50 points for being good at chess and not for you know his bravery and self-sacrifice in the face of death honestly i'm kind of with malfoy here slytherin's getting screwed why are the kids in ravenclaw and hufflepuff throwing their hats in the air like they want something oh i'm gonna miss you too kid now run on back to your abusive family i can't let you out i'm not allowed to use magic outside of school harry tells hedwig he can't use magic to open the cage to let him out but there's a key in the lock is turning a key magic hang on how do you know my friends haven't been writing to me how does a house elf like dobby get out of the house so often to steal letters from harry's friends has he been wandering around outside snatching owls out of the air and why did he even bring these letters with him in the first place if he wanted to keep harry from hogwarts please stop the company downstairs could hear dobby when he hit his head against the drawers earlier but can't hear anything as harry and dobby run down the stairs there's no way in hell harry hears this flying car the only way he could have been woken up just in time to see it is you guessed it magic ron fred george thanks for the roll call harry yep ron fred and george are home but so are a host of other weasleys so where are they on this gps system that works in the ministry of magic harry and ron had a whole year to get to know each other and ron's dad's job never came up and who are you seriously one of the most famous wizards in all the land and arthur weasley who works with the government hasn't even so much has seen a picture of harry this lot won't come cheap mum is there any reason this family full of magical wizards still has to be poor like can they not use a textbook creating spell or something i mean we've got self-cleaning pots and pans here people what could this family possibly need money for there's even a spell to fix the lens in your eyeglasses for sake diagonally wouldn't harry have to be like american to mispronounce diagon alley the way he does it helps advance the plot to have him end up somewhere else sure but it's completely stupid that he would mispronounce it this way harry just happens to get accidentally sent to a place where he can overhear the malfoy's being evil no please hurry maybe they should have called this harry potter in the chamber of plot conveniences this run through the brick is cute and all but are we honestly supposed to believe that no muggles ever see this and freak the scout calling 999 to report the red-headed kids who just completely evaporated in broad daylight like for instance these muggles here who clearly see harry and ron's failed attempt at going through the brick what do you do what haven't you ever seen a bunch of kids run through brick before the invisibility booster must be faulty yeah because magic and visibility can break down just like windshield wipers or air conditioning this car doesn't get dented or crushed at all now you can tell me it's a magical car and that it can't get damaged but then i'll tell you that the car only crashed because it was damaged somehow oh now the tree can dent the car i know they had a brief adventure with the tree but why are they so much later in arriving than the students who were on the train which they followed here and presumably arrived at the same time [Music] does everybody in this movie carry around with them and expose incriminating items in this story in this shot there are panels open everywhere in this greenhouse including a huge beanstalk or something coming out of this one but then when the camera actually goes down into the greenhouse none of the panels are open mandrake or mantagora so wait one mandrake scream causes the whole class to put their hands over their ears while wearing earmuffs but 30 mandrakes all screaming at once brings no discomfort whatsoever ron is that your own man this kid has the best eyesight and unnecessary expositional abilities of any wizard in hogwarts how the did he recognize iran's owl from this distance and where the is this owl coming from anyway i don't quite understand if you're lockhart and you're a well-known author who has women throwing themselves at you and you're this vain why would you take a low-paying job as a teacher at hogwarts gilderoy lockhart inception painting a little quiz doesn't hogwarts set a curriculum like how can professors come in and give quizzes about themselves to the students without that getting out in the professor getting reprimanded can you possibly imagine a better way to serve detention than by helping me to answer my fan mail i wonder if this nearly three-hour movie will have time to explain how vayne lockhart is great scott no wonder look at the time we've been here nearly four hours okay harry was in detention with lockhart for four hours and then gets out late at night conveniently bumps into his two friends and then bam all the kids in the entire school happen upon the scene at that exact moment does mcgonagall write backwards on the chalkboard to make learning even more of a challenge for her students we will be transforming animals into water goblets ah another super useful spell that's something you probably need on an everyday basis the air alone would be able to open the chamber and unleash the horror within and by so doing purge the school of all those who in slytherin's view were unworthy to study magic like filch's cat why would the school allow ron to keep performing magic with this wand seems like it would be a danger to himself and everyone around him and why doesn't a school full of magical items have like a spare wand lying around somewhere that this poor bastard can use let's go hermione ron and haggard get from the stands to the field in seven seconds left also thank god hermione is the only alert responsible person in the whole school no one ever comes in here why moaning myrtle how incredibly convenient for our heroes and how terribly inconvenient for all the girls in the school to have their bathroom choices narrowed down juan goes flying but then is magically back in lockhart's hand after he lands and we all know lockhart doesn't know enough magic to pull that trick off what's bad if i hadn't told that snake not to attack justice yes there was absolutely no one who could have stopped that snake from attacking justin i mean no one you would have done well in slithering you're wrong i get the sense that slytherin needs to rebrand itself i mean everything associated with slytherin is evil all the evil kids go here if you're sent to slytherin the school's basically saying you're a bad kid have fun being an head the snake monster in the chamber of secrets must be waiting weeks between victims we had the cat then the picture kid then the dark-haired dude and it's christmas isn't he on some kind of crusade to kill all the mud bloods man it sure is lucky there's a time and place to catch crab and goyle walking alone in the hallways and trick them with floating cupcake bait this super complicated potion that took a month to create apparently does not need to be measured or administered in any specific amount follow the spiders hagrid tells the kids to go into the dark forest which he surely knows has a bunch of ravenous spiders waiting to kill them and for what hagrid never opened the chamber of secrets to clear his name the defense calls to the stand this giant spider he'll clear it up i believe in magic cars with invisibility buttons i really do but i don't believe in a magic car that somehow knows its owner is in danger and comes roaring in to save the day oh come on she's been in here for weeks but not one doctor nurse or professor checked to see if there was a large wadded up piece of paper in her hand but if it kills by looking people in the eye why is it no one's dead because no one did look in the eye colin saw it through his camera justin must have seen the basilisk through nearly head to snake and hermione had the mirror mrs norris there was water on the floor that night this is the most convenient and luckiest set of circumstances ever for numerous characters to defy death spiders flee before this page about the basilisk clearly states that the crowing of the rooster can kill it but instead of seeing that important information harry focuses on the spider's flea from it and ends up going into the chamber of secrets completely roosterless also why were the spiders running out of hagrid's cabin there where was the basilisk during that show who is it that the monster's taken minerva ginny weasley how does she know which student was taken the message just says her without mentioning a name well i must say when i took the job it's completely illogical that dumbledore would ever have hired a bumbling useless wizard like lockhart to be any kind of teacher at hogwarts you wait here and try and shift some of this rock so we can get back through ron neither has the wand nor the arms to move substantial amounts of rock from this pile how does a memory generated from a diary pick up harry's want and if he can do that why doesn't he do anything else to harry that might have made killing him easier so how did fox the phoenix get past the spot where the rocks caved in and blocked the path what's more what about that snake door that harry had to speak parcel tongue to open the door clearly closes behind him main character trips and falls while running away from evil cliche jenny you need to get yourself out follow the chamber and you'll find wrong trapped behind a wall of fallen rock that you can't get past stop there and wait for more instructions you must have shown me real loyalty down in the chamber nothing but that could have called forks to you well it's either that or the convenient storytelling why would malfoy bring dobby along on this angry visit to dumbledore's office so the rule is the house health becomes free when the master presents him with clothes is this really presenting clothes to dobby does malfoy have to specify every time he gives dobby a basket of laundry now these aren't your clothes dobby these are for cleaning this is all accidentally without the master's knowledge this rule and this loophole are stupid i know we want to have a nice dobby sage hairy moment here at the end but was lucius malfoy seriously about to use the death curse on harry right here outside dumbledore's office all exams have been cancelled you didn't learn anything anyway [Applause] disney slow clap finale cliche goodbye dumbledore hope you don't look and sound completely different next time i see you okay now let's take a look at how negligent this school is after filter's cat is petrified dumbledore says he strongly recommends caution at this point there should at least be some beefed up security and possibly some education about petrification now the school's jimmy olsen is petrified dumbledore now says students are in great danger tell them hogwarts is no longer safe it is as we fear chamber of secrets has indeed been opened again the answer let's teach students self-defense techniques but not against some possible monster which might know something like i don't know petrification but against each other and using this dumbass lockhart who by this time everyone knows as a fraud and of course they learn nothing except that harry can speak parseltongue the school forgets about that no longer safe decree nobody patrols the halls voldemort can apparently just guide jenny weasley around the school's halls petrifying cats and wizards and painting messages in blood and there isn't one person who ever witnesses it now it's business as usual again and this kid justin gets petrified dumbledore knows it's not potter now there's been three incidents but there's still no evacuation of the school and still no extra security the gryffindor house is ransacked and who does neville go to well he goes to harry because not one adult here seems to give a about anything i mean these were about to play quidditch again and there's a monster crawling around in the school but it gets canceled because hermione is now petrified so now a cat and three people have been petrified and the school remains open and not one kid is scared of in this entire school and they're casually sitting around in their dorms without a care in the world then there's this ludicrous new set of rules that come out be back at your house by six okay whatever but every student will be accompanied by a teacher to every lesson sorry no way that happens did you see how many teachers are at this school no well mcgonagall makes an announcement that the students need to go back to their dorms and all the teachers come up to the second floor corridor where they can see the new message do you see how many people show up it's six including a dwarf and this filch we find out jenny weasley's been taken by the monster and only now does mcgonagall say students must be sent home i'm afraid this is the end of hogwarts they forget about all that once lockhart shows up telling him he finally has a chance to slay the beast knowing full well he doesn't have the ability is an evacuation ordered of course not these are still sending harry back to live with abusive people during the summer how the is harry doing this he didn't pull out a wand he didn't utter any spell name so why does he have to use that ever if he can silently will a person he doesn't like to bloat up and float away it's pretty damn convenient that the magic buff shows up literally just as harry's about to have a confrontation with the dog or inconvenient because that is his godfather who loves him and a lot of worry and mystery could have been alleviated if the bus had simply been three minutes slower but the muggles can't they see us muggles they don't see nothing do they all that with ron harry the flying car and the muggles was a bunch of bull cat will help scream looking forward to a new term yeah should be great right because every other year at hogwarts has been peachy why would i go looking for someone who wants to kill me oh i don't know the events of the last two movies might lead someone to think that come on everywhere else is full you've checked four compartments who do you think that is professor rj lieutenant since when did professors ride along with students on the train to hogwarts serious black has escaped from azkaban to come after you no kid this age would ever tell important secrets to their friends in this close proximity to a teacher even if they thought that teacher was asleep oh it sure is lucky they picked the one compartment where a professor just happened to be sleeping when did the hogwarts choir learn this song during their summer break this is the first night of school or is this some kind of school song or annual tradition to sing a song about something wicked coming unlike the oracle the new dumbledore feels no need to explain his altered appearance a word of caution dementors are vicious creatures this warning came just in time dumbledore clearly said the dementors would be stationed at every entrance to the grounds and instead they're all just hovering out over the water already they are pups taking form of a giant spectral dog it's among the darkest omens in our world i'd be scared except harry faces death every year and lives so this is really just another day you're supposed to stroke it ah the things you learn at the age of 13. then you wait and see if he bows back if he does you can go and touch him if not well we'll get to that later i'm beginning to think the adults at hogwarts purposely withhold information for sheer comic relief the director said let's give you an apple to eat in this scene so you'll look like even more of an anything that flies in the harry potter universe is contractually obligated to do some soaring laps over hogwarts castle it's great to see all those dementors still flying around and doing their job oh wait class dismissed hopefully buck beak doesn't kill any of you while i'm gone hermione isn't old enough to be hot yet that could be anywhere that's racist also there's nothing the entire magical kingdom can do to find serious black if only he were stranded on the side of the road needing a bed for the night also wizard newspapers make ridiculous text layout decisions no one knows when she gets here if hermione is using a time travel device so that she can be in two places at once why would ron notice anything abnormal holy she just turned that cobra into something even scarier why is everyone laughing that's enough for today if you don't like to collect your books no one else gets a turn because harry bogarted the bogger your mother lilies oh yes i knew her um this dude totally your mom harry not a single professor inside this castle would help sirius black to enter it there is no way these two would have this conversation right in front of students who are notorious for faking sleep in order to eavesdrop hogwarts is a dick to safety invisible harry is an also way to give away your position ass face i thought you were supposed to be incognito yeah that door always just opens on its own no reason to think that's suspicious it sure is fortunate that the minister of magic and professor mcgonagall decided to visit this random pub owner so that harry could hear some extremely crucial information he could use later character who really needs glasses loses glasses during crucial action sequence cliche if only there was a spell to improve one's vision or if only those glasses were stranded on the side of the road needing yeah never mind [Music] did the whomping willows branch stop so that hermione could grab onto harry oh man if he would only fallen right side up oh well maybe next time harry i understand what's with the pronoun game why scare the kid when you mean to kill the rat severus please well there goes the theory that you need your own personal wand to make magic so what was all that in the last movie with ron's broken wand and the school not giving him a replacement also why is harry's disarming spell so strong that it blasts snape across the room while snape and lupine's disarming spell merely disarmed the person so lupin turned out to be a good guy after all and so did sirius black so this movie's primary antagonist is peter pettigrew you almost told my legos i was going for the rat you were you have horrible aim and once you knew you were dragging ron why did you keep doing it oh right because the werewolf would totally be surprised by a sudden full moon professor hermione tries to reason with a werewolf how did snape not only miss the freaking werewolf but not hear him howl just before he came out of the tree is capturing a soul like winning the stanley cup where everyone gets a chance to kiss it before passing it along when in doubt i find retracing my steps to be a wise place to begin honestly can't you just spell out exactly what they should do instead of being such a vague bastard is this not a mission in which you actually want them to succeed hey you know what might help with the whole let's not be seen while we're time traveling problem a cloak that makes you invisible dude where was all this anger when you first found out about this another more normal reaction would be oh so that's what that was seriously everyone in the execution party is enamored with the countryside not one cursory glance toward the animal you're about to kill in the time it took them to finally lure buck beak into the woods and out of sight the original hermione ron and harry should have seen hermione and harry taking buckbeak to safety from atop the hill why is hagrid's house different in this movie like before it was a one room thing on the edge of the evil forest now it's a two room joining the edge of a cliff can a werewolf really not tell the difference between a real wolf and a teenage girl screaming like a wolf if while trying to hide from a werewolf you back into a clearing you deserve to die harry and hermione resign themselves to werewolf death instead of i don't know casting a spell at it or something expecto patronum original harry somehow didn't hear this okay so they did all the stuff they needed to do they say buckbeak they distracted the werewolf and harry sent dear jesus toward the dementors but nothing to prevent peter pettigrew from escaping couldn't they have spent a little time figuring out what they needed to do before they actually left invisible cloak check rat glue traps and or hermione's cat check i saw myself conjuring the patronus before i knew i could do it this time because well i've already done it does that make sense no yeah this awful terrible excuse of a human being who escaped freaking azkaban probably doesn't need a guard or anything while he's in this dinky hogwarts cell see something like this might have worked against a werewolf the ones that love us never really leave us and you can always find in here and also in that mirror from the first movie which you seem to have forgotten about entirely how come sirius didn't have to do that whole bowing ritual with buckbeak in order to be able to pat him on the head and then ride him you have to go harry and hermione run from the courtyard up a dozen flight of stairs to the infirmary in about five seconds flat he's free we did it did well good job saving the day don't ever use that time machine again though no matter how dire things get in future sequels let's talk about the movie's time travel they go back in time but practically everything we see them do is stuff that happened the first time through harry getting hit with a rock distracting the werewolf etc this is a paradox of terminator proportions unless there's an original unique experience where the time turner isn't being used harry and crew would go to hagrid's cabin and likely get caught by dumbledore then none of the things we see happen would actually happen they don't save buckbeak ron doesn't lose his rats sirius doesn't drag ron into the tree and into the shack harry doesn't find out scabbers as peter pettigrew lupin turns into a werewolf somewhere else and sirius doesn't get nailed by the dementors and seen the problem with this though besides the fact that we in the audience didn't get to see this original experience is that at this point only buckbeak has been harmed and you weren't using a time travel device just to go back and save that they don't have any other motivation to begin going back and trying to fix stuff thus a paradox none of it made any difference had to grow escaped that's what i'm saying heavy-handed opening shot of skulls and cemetery to tell you harry potter ain't for kids anymore this old man noticed the light before it was turned on hurry oh hey the hogwarts asshole's finally stopped sending harry back to spend every summer with abusive relatives when did you get here just now you last night oh wait no they didn't this two second clip of robert pattinson falling out of a tree was the only audition he needed for twilight is the boot just sitting out here in a field the rest of the time when it's not being used as a portkey did someone come out here even earlier this morning and set it in place that isn't just any mango boot mate it's a portkey of course it is you can now officially transport using anything in the harry potter universe that looks like one broken bone several sprains and a handful of future chiropractic patients harry potter adults would much rather see the kids hurt themselves than teaching them anything useful as always but who put the tent up unbelievably convenient spell makes one wonder why there are such things as conflicts in the magic world i'm still trying to figure out why stairs exist at the magical quidditch arena what no magical spell or elevator malfoy somehow reaches from all the way down here with his cane to catch some of harry's supposedly loose-fitting jacket and stop him in his tracks that's racist damn all that build up for the quidditch cup and we don't see one bit of it get back to the pokey everybody and stick together what porky the boot was the portkey and then they landed in a field so are they supposed to run back to the field or all the way back to the random english hill that contains the boot also hundreds of thousands of magical people and instead of ganging up on a handful of death eaters and overpowering them they all scatter haven't these people seen a bug's life main character gets separated from the group because of an unrealistic scuffle and a large crowd cliche so everyone's dead or did everyone escape and then they burned everything to the ground you see the problem with these cutaway to after the action is over shots is that they confuse the out of the audience oh come on they burned this whole place down and harry somehow survived the burning and the smoke inhalation didn't get trampled by hundreds of thousands of people running for their lives didn't get kidnapped by voldemort's minions oh the burning down of a whole village is not the crime they're talking about it's the scary firework wait they're going straight to hogwarts after all this honestly why even travel by water at all if you're gonna go buy a magical completely submerged boat why don't these two other schools just have all the students take a pork key to hogwarts it wouldn't make for nearly as cinematic an entrance but it definitely makes for a more logical story hogwarts has been chosen to host a legendary event the tri-wizard tournament apparently the announcement of this very special event just happened today with the competing schools knowing way in advance before any of the students at hogwarts did to be fair this is how we imagine all french girls whether they know magic or not and now our friends are north the north isn't victor crumb from bulgaria isn't hogwarts in england or does chrome play professionally for bulgarian quidditch team and go to school in some scandinavian country wait the best seeker in the entire magical world is a high school student this fork was stuck much further into this guy's hand in the previous shot stupid tower of ice cream scoops is stupid to explain all this we have the head of the department of international magical cooperation mr bartomus crouch who isn't the least bit busy after that terrorist attack that happened yesterday mad i moody was the only one who could stop it from reigning roll credits three years from now when we're old enough to be chosen wait they're doing another tri-wizard tournament in three years then why wasn't there one during the first movie it's not going to work [Music] again i ask why are the wands which bond themselves to their owners and seemed so important in the first movie sometimes just not remotely necessary how did you put your name in a couple of fires that's one of the oldest students to do it for you you mean that could have worked if he did the goblet of fire constitutes a binding magical contract what happens if you break the magical contracts who enforces them is there a magical contract dispute court who represents the inanimate goblet in these proceedings he is as of tonight a tri-wizard's champion well technically quad was her champion something is so obviously wrong it's ridiculous they can't overturn this everyone stares at the main character pov shot cliche if we are to truly discover the meaning of these events perhaps we should let them unfold i agree with severus wait you mean you can do something to keep him from playing and instead you're thinking hmm what's voldemort up to well better let harry play so we can find out let you know what you know bloody world war why is it so obvious to ron that harry is a no good liar i mean the gauntlet isn't supposed to pick four people or two people from the same school or allow 14 year olds something is clearly wrong [Music] harry immediately drinks his own blood after possibly rabbit owl bites his hand why is this the one and only time in all eight movies when two people who need to talk to each other while in separate places use this fireplace phone the death eaters at the world cup your name rising from that goblin these are not just coincidences hogwarts isn't safe anymore seems like i've heard this in all the movies so far oh well if she uses magic for the pen and paper why does she need an actual photographer to take the pictures oh good more movie tricks to avoid showing the audience that while expensive to film would actually be more entertaining than watching harry listening to it also why the did you put the spectator stand so close to the fire-breathing dragons and why did you build it out of wood earlier this thing's fire breath stretched like 30 feet or more in the forest but now it goes 10 feet hits a small human-sized rock and turns back because physics this dragon chase scene is awesome but didn't you say they'd been given a golden egg to protect not they've been told to kill you is the dragon intelligent enough to know that none of the other hundreds of people back at the stadium are gonna steal its egg was this part of voldemort's plan i mean moody is a fake moody they staged harry's name being in the cup all just to get him to win this tournament but everything would have been if harry had slipped and died here as any non-main character person would have the dragon broke free from his chain and is a threat to the school itself and all the students now is there any reason none of the teachers step in to intervene here what if the dragon was fire breathing at harry and a bunch of fire was headed for a section of the stands would they have stepped in to save the kids in the stands why the is this dragon climbing around the building did it forget it can fly they've just been listening this whole time the would they do if the dragon was already in london ravaging muggles and the dragon was never seen again some say it's still falling this noise i reckon you have to be barking man to put your own name in the cup of fire harry and ron's reconciliation makes no sense no one knew how serious the tournament was until now not even hairy so the fact that everyone now knows it's truly deadly doesn't change anything about the possibility that harry put his own name in if ron was pissed before he should still be pissed the u ball has been a tradition of the triwizard tournament since its inception now it just sounds like you're making up as it goes along also yule ball festivities will now take up 15 minutes of this movie's time just so we can see ron and hermione get pissed off at each other inside every girl a secret swarm slumbers longing to burst forth and take flight from now on i'm calling my penis secret swan amusing scene but why does a school stop classes to teach students how to dance golf gloves and nipple hats 2 hour and 37 minute movie spends way too much time on the giant love story wait a minute no one's asked this girl out yet first off that's racist second off she has so few options that she says yes to the first weasley that comes along that's actually abuse this is not a safe way to store a boat for the winter why are they arriving to the dance by carriage if hogwarts is the destination where did the carriage rides originate supposedly plain girl makes her grand entrance down the stairs as a beautiful swan when everyone is looking cliche also hermione isn't old enough to be hot yet won't be too much longer though that's right you guys i got the 14 year old i'm nailing her in the room of requirement later [Music] magic based rock and roll act owes billy idol a ton of money she can't join us i would not care to join you and victor geez ron's character motivations are so basic he might as well just be a penis the whole point of the tournament is international magical cooperation what they are cooperating they're competing those two words are literally antonyms i think he's got a bit more than friendship on his mind yeah he's not the only one you can edit that part out right this woman's height changes in every scene she's in actually we don't really talk at all victor's more of a physical being haha gross these are the most glass-free glasses i've ever seen you know the prefix bathroom on the fifth floor it's not a bad place for a bar if edward cullen is suggesting to harry potter what i think he is that beats my fan fiction just take your egg and mull things over in the hot water i know we want to keep the audience guessing but why wouldn't cedric have just said dude open the egg underwater and listen to it phasma ex machina when's the last time you held your breath underwater for an hour hermione when's the last time hermione had no clue what spelled the cast to get harry out of this problem the triwizard tournament is addict to underage students who didn't even volunteer we've agreed reward him second place harry gets extra points for cheating also the only reason you made harry compete was because the rules were important but now that there's life on the line the rules am i right how does harry have third person views of dumbledore's memories give me the wretched name bertie crouch junior barty jr runs because the accusations of a desperate man in the cage aren't easily denied but he had no choice the evidence was overwhelming yeah the word of a crazy convicted magic felon that's overwhelming evidence for sure diggory's dad is here where's floorstad or crumbs all right diggory's gonna die here in a bit and we need that money shot of his dad wailing over his body to touch the cup to be the winner you could have jerked off in the first two events as long as you survived you can win just by touching the cup this being a maze with huge hedges this would seem to be an awful spectator two event sportsmanship why did the cup travel with them on this journey but the boot didn't travel with them in the initial port key voyage earlier in the film should i divulge how i truly lost my powers anything that will give harry enough time to get out of this we're all yours when dear sweet lily potter gave her life for her only son she provided the ultimate protection a bit of magic that saves people from the killing curse why doesn't everybody learn this was lily the only one who knew how to do it the i'm going to kill you harry potter then do it already oh hey harry and voldemort have their wand streams crossed you know what you should do take another four movies to get us back to this exact same situation also whenever my brother and i crossed streams we definitely got some on the floor harry take my body back for you um sure cedric as soon as i get done battling the dark lord top of my priority list harry is saved by some ghosts because of some having to do with his wand and voldemort's wand connecting or some why does the port key return them to the grandstands instead of the spot back in the maze that they left from barty's polyjuice potion just happens to wear off at the right moment for the big reveal to harry imagine how he will reward me i have once and for all silenced harry potter at first i thought you weren't killing it because of that only voldemort gets to kill harry potter nonsense but no you could have killed him like 20 times since you took him here you mean to tell me the entire tournament from the beginning of the school year until now was rigged just to get harry to touch a porky couldn't they had just made a porky out of his breakfast waffles or something barty crouch junior doctor who is that priori in canton you saw your parents that night didn't you yeah and it was total who are these people waving at and don't give me that they're waving at the french people on the horses nonsense because there's no freaking way anyone can see them this far inside the castle over 13 minutes of credits 20 seconds of logo wait these are still sending harry back to live with abusive relatives five movies in and honestly the hogwarts people are just as bad as voldemort in my book they might as well have just beat harry themselves dementors show up just as harry is about to serve this cousin some long overdue justice fat out of shape dudley can keep up with somewhat athletic hairy while running even the harry potter franchise ends up reduced to cheap jump scares since when are you able to keep a patronus on retainer also it's been two years learn how to make a full-fledged patronus already the last time you did it all you had to do was realize that you'd done it before you remember during all that time travel rigmarole from the third movie how'd you know about don't bulldog asked me to keep an eye on you while you were being beaten and forced to live under the stairs did you expect him to let you go wandering around on your own what is she supposed to do if any evil magic antagonist tries to attack harry i watched over harry like you asked dumbledore but lucius malfoy cast a spell i couldn't deflect with my weaker basket who did this to you boy considering uncle vernon's character in this series it's amazing he didn't already blame harry the ministry has received intelligence you performed the patronus charm in the presence of a muggle however our intelligence did not notice the two dementors that would have sucked your face off so you must have been frivolously conjuring patronus charms for no reason you are hereby expelled oh no harry's been expelled from hogwarts how are they gonna fill the next two hours of this movie and the three movies after it how the did the ministry find a witness to testify to harry using magic outside a school in this instance but not in any of the previous instances he's done it in basically every other movie good guys here to rescue harry potter decide to silently creep him out first before revealing themselves down below has persuaded the minister to suspend your expulsion pending a formal hearing what don't call me nymph fedora don't call me whatever you just called me cliche don't break ranks if one of us is killed and no one pay any attention to the flying witches and wizards in the middle of a neighborhood either so wait they don't have a chimney or a magic boot or some transport area where he needs to go they just fly around london and say if muggles see us them okay so now you're just pissing me off i hope i don't see the palace of westminster now things london you know what could have been even cooler than this a magic building not in london that doesn't have anything to do with a regular muggle apartment building i've just wrapped my head around platform nine and three quarters how do i wrap my head around this harry is still amazed like this dude did you not see the tent in the last movie jump scare hug the order of the phoenix roll credits dumbledore made us swear not to tell you anything so why are hermione and fred privy to this super secret knowledge that concerns harry was bad no and the guy's been in like a thousand adventures that no kid should ever have to go through and he fought baltimore this secret is the most ridiculous thing ever just because you're allowed to use magic now does not mean you have to whip your ones out for everything if used magic means have sex then yes they do good i want to join if voldemort's raising an army then i want to fight i guess that's where the conversation ended there was nothing else to sort out after that hilarious a lot of these wizards even need to use the subway again every person in london is walking down streets far away from this so they can't witness this telephone elevator also man i just can't figure out the physics of this thing there's an entire extra floor of telephone booth tucked up in the top of this telephone booth we've said it before but magic this complex makes you wonder why there are such things as problems in the wizard world use of magic chimneys makes you wonder why harry and mr weasley didn't do this if the reason is here he can't use magic then why was he allowed to fly on a broom earlier into departmental memos he used to use owls this was unbelievable why the is the rest of the magic world still using owls also these magic memos have to take the elevator to get delivered he's explaining to weasley what bill murray said at the end of lost in translation so mrs figg is what's known as a squib a muggle born to wizard parents but the ministry says muggles can't see dementors so why does anything she say hold any weight at all the odds are astronomical someone in a fantasy movie about magic says something is impossible because of the odds professor dumbledore continues to be addicted to harry even after helping harry nobody in this entire busy station is sitting in the waiting room cirrus risks his own life the mission and harry's life just to show him a picture well andy's going to die at the end of the movie so we need to add in some fluffy bonding to inflate the sorrow for the audience later nothing's pulling the carriage harry he's pulling itself like always which would be reasonable in a magic movie but of course invisible horses are pulling this carriage and now they have to throw this only people who have seen death can see them wrinkle into the story i can see them too harry and the gang just happened to meet a student that did not exist the first four harry potters and who also has seen death and concede the thestrals by the way is this the only way to get to hogwarts you have to cram five students at a time on the back of a wagon finally the carriage moves but why it waited so long as anyone's guess it means the ministry's interfering at home oh no you mean the government is telling a school what to do that's just unheard of man i said i'm fine wrong harry potter is addicted to ron's you don't understand help us too well i would but dumbledore made me swear not to tell you guess we're even now huh flying owl signifies the passage of time cliche i called pastorals 43 minutes into this movie what's the real conflict sure delores umbridge is a total and some people don't like harry but that's what we call the b story a story hasn't cropped up yet they can only be seen by people who've seen death man the thestrals must have had a great life being invisible then one dude or chick who saw death suddenly stumbled upon them and made them into carriage horses first we americans get widely criticized for the portions restaurants serve and how much we waste food but the harry potter universe is filled with huge plates of uneaten food where does it all go when the kids are done merely your medieval methods professors would never have this argument in the full view of students in the middle of a heavily trafficked area things at hogwarts are far worse than i feared why is she suddenly turning to address the large group of eavesdropping students to address the seriously falling standards at hogwarts school the ministry is being portrayed as the bad guys here but yeah has anyone ever learned anything at that school wand block you've been in this post how long exactly ah that poor nice trelawny getting grilled over her worthlessness i'd hate to see her go that's racist jesus i know they're magical people but open courtyard public shame firing there's no decency here i thought all these people were british for sake professor whatever dumbledore's reason is for ignoring harry he's unwillingly creating a new voldemort what the hell is wrong with this guy professor dumbledore also these couldn't have told him listen harry dumbledore has to ignore you this year because of a big scary important magic thing that you'll learn more about later but it definitely doesn't mean that he hates you as it probably feels when no one explains this to you she's taking over the entire school so far this movie should have been called harry potter and the really really bad teacher nobody liked have we ever seen these kids sitting around just listening to the radio news no we have not because we have not as of yet needed such a cheap way to have our main characters learn crucial information oh look he does use the fireplace phone again i stand corrected but i do not stand corrected on the fact that it's still just an easy deus ex mock enough for communication that comes and goes at the whim of the writer also why is he a hologram in the flames this time instead of literally having his face composed of embers and ash did the fireplace phone get a massive upgrade and capability over the summer also how did sirius know that harry and his friends and no one else would be in this room at this exact moment voldemort is on the move is this news hey we need some kind of transition between scenes here okay just have voldemort whisper harry in the rain and then dissolve to an establishing shot of the school brilliant is it true you can produce patronus chimes yes i've seen it blimey harry i didn't know you could do that how did you not know that the entire magical kingdom has been gossiping about harry in his formal trial for using a patronus charm in front of a muggle this entire school year wait you made them all sign an ink and paper for a clandestine magic training club which way you going long bottom okay there's an obvious sin of cliche bully behavior going on here after five years of this place but i'm not sure if i need to award it to the bully characters or the screenwriter requiro x machina the room requirement only appears when a person has real need of it and is always equipped for the seeker's needs so it's a holiday also what was neville's need he got bullied by crab and goyal but he was in no danger did neville need a room to cry in also are you seriously saying that no one at the school or in this cast of main characters has ever had a real need of a room like this during any of the previous four adventures because if so you and how many people can walk to this spot and get into this room without being seen the school is under the micromanaging eye of umbrage she somehow misses this [Music] how can you practice a spell and not have the spell's effect happen like do you start by saying wand siri this is just a practice spell or something like that how are the magical forces supposed to know you really don't mean at this time as opposed to other times hermione's victory over ron gets celebrated as this woman conquers man sort of thing but don't we already know that hermione is better than most of all the rest of her fellow students filch falls for this is this the only hallway wall in all of hogwarts where proclamations may be hung it's a fun gag i suppose but this is the opposite of a practical way to actually communicate and remind students of many new rules but did he just do that spell for her neither of them said a spell word so how did the juan know what was required of it wasn't it confused by having two masters at once believing in yourself whoa harry have you thought about maybe dating this girl right here i mean i like joe and jenny weasley as much as the next guy but you might be overlooking someone exfiliamus neville reaches deep down to his british roots and conquers india twilight y'all room of requirement does not furnish condoms well how was it what well this movie got a whole lot more interesting i will attempt to penetrate your mind you will attempt to resist prepare yourself i'm not gonna tell you how to resist but resist damn you so wait is snape still in harry's mind what the hell happened snape just not carrying us into next christmas my mother did that after i ran away these movies and their tragic character backstories everyone's got a sob story harry's parents died sirius's mother was abusive hermione's parents are muggles ron's family is poor i just feel so angry all the time yeah you're 15. welcome to puberty jesus hogwarts not have a sex ed curriculum so these poor kids can understand their bodies bit of fresh air you know oh yes as game keeper fresh air must be difficult to come by whoa touche dolor sunbridge would be amazing at cinemasins there's a storm coming ari we get it hollywood damn when the storms come in movies it's foreshadowing got it this is how you break people out of azkaban by killing a tenth of its population with a massive for no reason explosion also bellatrix lestrange who we just heard about a few minutes ago somehow survives this massive explosion in her sector sure walk toward the source of that loud bang that just destroyed a mirror a second ago why didn't she just do this in the first place also why couldn't dolores just find the rumor requirement by really needing it which apparently makes the room appear and if it really is helping harry with dumbledore's army then why doesn't have a defense spell against this very kind of magic hey what's this we found your secret room harry and we've got your girlfriend too maybe they're saying she talked but it's not like they didn't know where the room was see paper trail gets you every time dumbledore's got style wow way to take one of the few black characters in these movies and make him a walking stereotype come on is this really how a painting full of magic figures would work when they hung these paintings did they have to be extra careful so that the people inside didn't slide out of the picture oh you can't only have to lose well then i must have nothing to lose right about now maybe it's just better to what well hermione if you don't interrupt maybe he'll answer the question the idea where he's taking us pagan why can't you just tell us because this is a harry potter movie and he's hagrid i mean those are the only two reasons i can see dumbledore gone i'll lightly be getting a sack any day now didn't umbridge visit you and already do that i couldn't just leave him because because he's my brother also cgi brother is cgi is ron serious every time they see something weird in the force with hagrid in one of these films it's something that will be hugely important later every single time i think you've got an admirer you have no idea control your emotions discipline your mind so apparently these lessons are like luke believing in the force or something there's really no significant tip or trick to controlling your mind you just have to do it harry's dad is addicted snape causing snape to be addicted to everyone forever umbridge has her entire wall covered with youtube's recommended videos section umberts lets herself be fooled into walking way out into the haunted woods with the two students she's been the most suspicious about from day one phew good thing hagrid introduced this never before seen character crop to everyone just before they got in trouble tell them i'm sorry professor i must not tell lies irony i have a feeling that the centaurs are going to do to delore sunbridge what the sisters tried to do to andy dufreyne and shawshank is that justice or gross overcompensation so how are we going to get to london we fly of course of course but with umbrage being taken prisoner and probably much worse than that by centaurs why don't you use the flu network now there is no one in charge at hogwarts anymore no one in london who watches the sky for leisure notices [Music] random crystal ball with crucial clues to the rest of the series just happens to be found by neville while they search for sirius we interrupt the 5th harry potter installment to bring you eyes wide shut shut your eyes wide kids why the disguise any reason for that at all i'll hand me the prophecy how did voldemort know for sure that the visual clues he gave harry would send him to the ministry of magic prophecies can only be retrieved by those about whom they are made so that makes this large collection of prophecies located in the ministry of magic in a dark room where no one can find them virtually worthless also this story takes a page out of the prophecy handbook by not explaining who makes them who they're for or how accurate they are all you have to do is give to me either lucious is lying about the whole prophecies can be retrieved only by those about whom they are made thing or he up this whole lie by telling harry that because this prophecy would be useless in any hands other than potters none of the rest of these movies would even need to take place if voldemort would just let his death eaters kill harry and steal the prophecy this room is suddenly dominoes department of mysteries has a convenient escape door that leads to a precipitous drop for no reason other than to escape falling crystal balls unexplained magical spell stops their fall and keeps them alive because reasons bad guys waste time scaring kids instead of killing them shocker right i mean didn't you say it wouldn't work like this or did that lie you pulled out of your ass turned out to be true get away from my god son hell yeah there's nothing like a good old-fashioned punch when the principles involved can perform magic also meanwhile none of lucious's friends do anything when sirius shows up and the order of the phoenix knew to show up here in this room somehow this would probably be exciting if i had any idea what the is going on are there too many characters moving too quickly many of whom i never knew well at all to begin with i don't know which spells need words and which ones don't whose spells are more powerful than who's it's just a bunch of noise bellatrix is the only wizard witch of the whole bunch during this entire fight to remember the killing curse she killed him she deserves it voldemort is right also is this where he has to be luke skywalker and decide not to kill lest he become a voldemort himself i'm not buying that for one second dumbledore knew that bellatrix would kill sirius harry would run after bellatrix voldemort would appear in this very hall so he took the exact chimney he needed to take to appear just in time bellatrix does not need to say where she's going to make this chimney work which as we all remember was a hilarious aspect of the flu network back in chamber of secrets hey harry mind using a spell maybe taking out voldemort right now while he's occupied with dumbledore now this is thrilling this puts anything and any of lucas's prequels to shame this is how you stage and film a big showdown duel it's just too bad about the two hours you had to sit through to get to this moment and you'll never know love or friendship the power of love kills the demon cliche also this is probably why snape was a poor instructor for that whole get voldemort out of your mind training because he too suffers from that you'll never know love our friendship thing this movie is indirectly addictive snape you're a full harry potter so is voldemort protected by this mist that's flying around because he's visible why doesn't anyone kill him right now and if the mist is protecting him why doesn't he use this more often i know how you feel here are you dying i know how you feel you can't possibly know how i feel cliche by distancing myself from you you might be more protective reason for not telling harry obviously important details is bull four seconds of logo why did harry and dumbledore wait around at the ministry after the big fight with voldemort for the dozens of news crews to show up especially if he's gonna be ushering him away from the press like he doesn't want harry to go through that pressure i mean damn hmm storm clouds in london better go to the window to witness this extremely rare occurrence these three smoke monster guys destroy a bridge that everyone conveniently runs off before it sinks into the water harry potter he's harry potter why is harry reading the magic newspaper containing moving pictures in a non-magic public ass place half of nights ago i could have sworn i saw a picture mate that's what i'm saying hey i was wondering 11. that's when i get off damn that's specific billboard irony well well if it isn't that one blocker dumbledore wanting to talk to harry after spending the entire previous year not talking to harry the tale is thrilling if i say sir myself but now is not the time to tell us because reasons actually sir after all these years i'll just sort of go with it you go with it despite the fact that no one has ever taken you to the hufflepuff to stick your slytherin in someone's gryffindor one song oh wait maybe i underestimated dumbledore blood drips from the ceiling to let character know to look up cliche blood tasting come on did this guy really not know his feet were sticking out of the chair also how did licking the blood drop from harry's head tell dumbledore hmm better give that chair a closer look so i never stay anywhere more than a week then how did dumbledore know where to f i'll forget it even more impressive wouldn't one consider she was muggle born that's racist one of my best friends is muggleborn she's the best in my year and yet you keep getting all the credit your mother was one of my absolute favorites look there she is wait just a minute ago you said the muggles who own this place are in the canary islands but now we're supposed to believe that you have pictures of all the people who are important to you one of them just happening to be harry's mom sitting here in this muggle house also you said i never stay anywhere more than a week so that means you're carrying around 19 framed pictures to a new place every week no doubt know of his older brother sirius died a few weeks ago harry's in the news everywhere because of the showdown at the ministry of magic which is where sirius died so how does slughorn know that sirius died but not know that harry was there when it happened professor snogwron is gonna try to collect you harry and that's all i need to say about that that's why he's returning to hogwarts and it's crucial he should return but i won't tell you why until much much later if at all i feared i may have stolen a wondrous night from you harry magical dumbledore's a dick is there ever a time when this pan isn't getting magically scrubbed in the sink make the unbreakable franchise waits until the sixth movie to mention the unbreakable vowel thing which is no doubt super important but not really also if an unbreakable vowel exists and is so powerful why not use it to do something impossible like i vow to impress kate upton with my considerable math skills and if draco should fail will you yourself carry out the deed movie is jumping up and down trying to tell you everything about the ending right here in the first 20 minutes which makes you wonder why they bothered with the other two hours and 10 minutes but whatever foreshadowing you are amazed how did the glowing magic wrist thing know that this was the end of all the vowels dick shot hey let's go into the bombed out former wands store so the plot can happen brilliant is it me or do draco and mummy look like two people who don't want to be followed okay first of all draco would clearly have seen you since you literally just walked into this place from the same street before saying this and second are there people who want to be followed also does every single plot point in the harry potter universe hinge on someone overhearing something or being in the right place to see something at the right time also why do the malfoys walk to this super secret meeting place out in the open where anyone can see where they're going don't they have the ability to magically transport like we've seen all the good guys do in this series i'm just saying if i had been voldemort in this series i would have won city planners made it amazingly easy to eavesdrop on people no matter where they go in their own house how did they get up there on oh never mind you'd think that would be one of the first tasks when calling a secret meeting shoulder troll what's a rackspot invisible creatures they float in your ears and make your brain go fuzzy oh cool what so what was draco doing with that weird-looking cabinet and who were all those people and why did i wait all the way until now to ask these questions it's happened he's one of them pronoun game what a pathetic excuse for a school evil harry potter is right apparently malfoy can just stand the train with a whole car to himself without anyone noticing or caring why is luna still on the damn train you've got to be kidding me with this thankfully luna also just happens to be wearing super secret 3d magic glasses that allow her to find harry how do you know where i was experts your head's full of them yeah but you didn't notice that until you walked into this car for absolutely no explained reason why is harry's nose still bleeding didn't malfoy kick him like an hour ago then luna fixed his nose and now he comes in with this thing like it just happened or something what have i missed sort of urges all to be brave and strong in these troubled times since when does the sorting hat have important things to say and do anything other than tell people what house to go to and here's where i point out the avalanche of convenience that leads harry to the half blood prince's book capped off with the oh so clever one old book one new book standoff with ron bravo you maestros only girls are inexplicably drawn to the love potion all they want to do is get married and have kids they should in fact just drop out now and find a husband before they turn into old maids liquid luck desperately tricky to make disastrous should you get it wrong but there is a way to make it so why aren't there gallons of this and let's say voldemort had some of it and dumbledore had some of it who would the luck potion favor then one sip and you will find that all of your endeavors succeed my only question is the f haven't we heard about this potion or seen it used dozens of times already during the trials and tribulations these have endured and don't give me that it's tricky to make either like this series is always done with rare magical items something this useful would have been mass-produced by now crush it don't cut it no the instructions specifically say to cut and why is that was the book translated from sanskrit or something why is the textbook's recipe wrong dumbledore asks harry if he's into hermione and then dismisses the topic as soon as harry says he isn't because let's be honest that was for you the audience and not for anyone actually in this scene dumbledore's memory of his first meeting with tom riddle is so vivid he remembers a photograph of a place that just happens to be of major importance to the entire story i can speak to snakes too they find me is that normal for someone like me dumbledore must have left out as part of the memory where he completely and utterly disregarded this question did i know i just met the most dangerous dark wizard of all time no but how you see professor slughorn possesses something i desire very dearly but i'm not gonna say what it is yet because screw you that's why you said professor slughorn will try to collect me yeah what the did you mean by that do you want me to let him wait you know what the he meant by that malfoy always has an apple on hand just in case he needs to eat it look like even more of an why does one team's quidditch tryouts have such a large spectator turnout and why is hermione here instead of studying i know she likes ron in the romantic way but still she didn't even bring books keepers needs to be quick that's all discount daniel son i think you could introduce me to your friend granger i wouldn't mind uh getting on a first name basis know what i mean dude you're the handsomest guy in all of hogwarts you can't work up the courage to talk to hermione she's a little bunny and you're a bear and you're looking at these claws and these fangs and you're like how do i kill the bunny okay movie shows us hermione looking at ron then the other keeper tryout dude who is obviously looking back and flirting and then cuts to the wide shot to show you how ridiculously impossible it would be for all that eye contact to happen okay first of all here's the harry potter universe again giving us the finger regarding the need for wands to do magic second of all cheating this is an awful small sample size to judge your keepers i mean a couple of throws decides who's going to be on the team shouldn't this process be at least a week with lots and lots of chances seen before you make your decision here's the half blood prince raw credits does anyone fancy a butter beer no i've been to your wizarding world and i had your butter beer and it's disgusting cream soda crossed with marshmallow across with 15 pounds of sugar you turned sweet into a swear word you'd be welcome too granger and thank you ron good to see you he can't remember ron's name classic major plot thing happens at the exact same time harry and company leave the bar none of these students with magical powers do anything while this girl is hovering in the air get back all of you good thing hangar just happens to be here why is it when something happens it is always you three were you not briefed on how they were just minding their own goddamn business i think miss bell is lucky to be alive it's pretty lucky that every student at hogwarts has survived every single attempted murder since year one might be because there's magic for everything hermione's got nice skin wouldn't you say as skin goes i mean i've never really thought about it liar if the monster existed it was buried deep within then why did you cast such a creepy kid to play tom riddle in the dumbledore flashback seems to me the monster not only existed but was right on the damn surface you get the sense that luna's the lady gaga of this group maybe like she's just being weird for the sake of being weird we're in the sixth movie and quidditch is somehow still a big deal like voldemort is out there and recruiting people and readying for war but we still need to watch quidditch matches in this movie but it took luna lovegood's keen eyes to even bring up the idea that you put something in his drink earlier you didn't tell ron about it until she started opening up her weird yap have we seen hermione and ron joking with each other touching each other any kind of clue that they were attracted to each other there's absolutely no chemistry between them just because a book or a movie says two people are going to be together doesn't mean the attraction was there all along hogwarts is big enough for harry to have to do a bit of looking around in order to find hermione but small enough for ron and kissypants to just traipse right by on accident it's ron weasley magic makes the human component in the book filing largely unnecessary that's from the vane man is this whole movie gonna be love actually hey she's only interested in you because she thinks you're the chosen one okay a he is and b he's only interested in her because you just pointed her out as a possible date someone or some thing ate the apple and was an also why do the evil forces need to test their magic teleportation cabinet that obviously was built for this very purpose also i guess this is something that takes an entire school year to learn you know so we can go through all the damn teen angst this movie has to offer that's who you invited i know right he's already in the slughorn club he was coming here tonight regardless [Music] i've just bought yourself a month's detention mclaren this is a private party and not a school function and vomiting is a month's detention you gotta be me i believe it was snape in the earlier movie who somehow knew harry was eavesdropping on the teachers outside dumbledore's office right and said this conversation is no longer private right but here no idea he's being listened to surreptitiously unbreakable sure that's what slime says harry waits until they get on the train to discuss the thing he overheard did he just keep this information to himself thinking man if only we could get on a train and i could finally discuss this what happens if you break an unbreakable vow i thought the very meaning of the term was that you physically could not break it plenty of magic to go around during a time when everyone's scared of a massive threat we can't protect the children but we can make cake toppers dance so we got that going for us perhaps harry's right remus i mean to make an unbreakable vow these people can't just find out from dumbledore that snape's allegiance to his vow is part of his double-double cross is there any reason they don't have the understanding of the that albus does he's a vanishing cabinet a vanishing cabinet i know right why haven't we ever heard of these things before no franchise in history gets more mileage out of making up as they go along than this one does so two badass wizard adults struggle with the fire after harry jumps through and then ginny just runs by like kidding me any spells you could cast to stupefy harry and ginny and maybe aberrate harry to voldemort especially since you can't kill them because of the stupid save them for voldemort rule why didn't they do that in the first place why is the family that uses magic to scrub pans and move cake toppers worried about a simple fire can't they just magic up themselves a new shoe house confused i'd be surprised if you weren't since i've been intentionally keeping crucial information from you but why would he tamper with his own memory yeah why stop at tampering surely there's a spell that could make you forget something completely i think i love her well brilliant why is it that when someone is obviously acting strangely in this world no one immediately thinks curse or charm or that guy might not be wrong at all must be ron getting into the liquor cabinet again glug glug do you think she knows i exist i bloody well hope so she's been snogging you for three months snogging what are you talking about you mean ron's been playing the pronoun game this entire time geez this was a long calm version of it fortunately for harry ron gets stung by some kind of weird love potion that gives him the perfect excuse to get back into slughorn's good graces and for the record i've always found him interesting love how all the teachers are just silently absorbing the teen romance drama unfolding in front of them so there aren't more important topics to discuss or things to do draco has no peripheral vision or spatial awareness whatsoever to not see harry right now also i know draco's been doing this a lot this year but what convenient timing for him to walk by mysteriously just as harry is walking alone mysteriously a reminder it's past christmas and draco's vanishing cabinet experiments have only graduated from apple to small bird why was the vanishing cabinet sixth on the list of all voldemort's potential hogwarts hairy defeat plants doesn't this seem easier than several of the previous plans he's bafflingly gone with ahead of this one stop it ron you're making it snow now magic doesn't even have to be done on purpose to happen harry uses a spell he literally just read the name of in a book five minutes ago without knowing what it does hell i'm surprised he could even pronounce it correctly on the first try recalling his ridiculous butchering of diagon alley in the second film so even when someone casts a spell that causes this much blood loss there's a spell that keeps them alive apparently harry is allowed to just chill with his friends after nearly committing a murder and no inquiries are necessary you have to get rid of it today or simply don't use the spells out of the book that explicitly save for enemies on it that would work too several requirements wait so after the last movie they just stuff this rumor requirement full of junk like a warehouse and not only that but draco's been coming here all year to kill birds and teleport apples but he was allowed in because he really needed it what is going on here we need to hide the half-blood prince's book where no one will ever find it including you when you see parallax in this room you'll understand why this is a bad idea just destroy the thing slocon usually eats early takes a walk and then returns to his office how many nights did you stake out the marauders map to know his schedule this well harry just thought of the liquid luck idea like in the last scene man if this character had said merlin's beard just one more time in this movie we would have been compelled by common sense to make a bonus round seriously misunderstood creature spiders are yeah but in the chamber of secrets this one in particular was going to kill ron and harry before the magic car came and saved them i think these spiders are properly understood spider funeral also a movie over two and a half hours long has time for the spider funeral he's drunk now so surely he'll start spilling the secrets harry needs and what's a guy like me to say about the convenience of that when the screenplay already excused it with liquid luck x machina can you only split the song once for instance seven seven in the near future this conversation will take place about splitting movies into seven parts and all of our souls will be broken that day that could be hidden anywhere can true but magic especially dark magic leaves choices i'm assuming that despite the fact they leave traces you're still gonna have to kind of know where they are and this will still not be in any way easy too bad there isn't a way to make some sort of liquid that creates luck for this situation where you've been going isn't it sir when you leave the school yes and i think perhaps i may have found another one you've just said this is beyond anything i imagined so which is an you either hadn't imagined it or you've been investigating it for months forgive my mortgages harry i'm an old man you still look the same to me sir at least since the third movie you must obey every command i give you voldemort split his soul into seven horror cruxes but he decided that only one of them needed to be an rpg adventure to find well sure i'm glad that voldemort kept a nice picture of this place in his orphan room that a memory somehow remembered in order to gain passage payment must be made how about just not making it any way possible for any kind of passage was voldemort planning on coming back here to visit his horcrux there it is the only question is how do we get there i don't know apparate maybe he's calling a boat out of the water but it's kind of hard to believe that in a world with a spell that makes cake toppers dance there's not also a spell just to create a boat and plop it right where you're standing how about casting the aguamenti spell directly into his mouth or have him cut his hands oh well i guess there are no options other than to drink the dirty cave water army of discount golems is this a good time to ask whether the patronus charm is strictly for dementors couldn't it help in this situation too seriously why did it take this long for the teleporting cabinet thing to work and just in time for dumbledore's return from the voldemort soul cave in a world full of magical that is completely unnecessary there is apparently nothing called an anti-eavesdropping spell they can create invisible train station entrances fix eyeglasses and other completely useless like dancing cake toppers have i mentioned this movie has magical dancing cake toppers because it does don't you understand i have to do this honestly leaving the assassination to draco who thought this was a good idea also potions can turn people into other people so why didn't draco just stay home while bellatrix drank a potion and pretended to be draco she could have ended this really quickly like on the first day of school he doesn't have the stomach just like his phone his father casually tried to kill harry in the chamber of secrets so where does this sudden idea that lucius doesn't have the stomach to kill innocent people come from snape is addicted dumbledore also since we know later that snape and dumbledore planned this does snape's soul still break into after killing him that's how i heard it works anyway kind of a harsh penalty to pay for an agreement like this belongs to the dark lord wait you mean she didn't know that harry was being saved for voldemort then why did she wait to kill him in that wheat field earlier also if he belongs to the dark lord why doesn't bellatrix just take harry to him we know why snape won't do it but she doesn't have any reason not to 27 seconds of logo i see that the poor ass weasleys were able to rebuild their house from the last movie either through magic or wizarding insurance i guess we didn't need to worry about that smash and burn job from half blood prince that didn't matter aren't hermione's parents including caitlyn stark going to wonder why they set out so many empty picture frames or the why the room upstairs has teenage girls clothes and accessories throughout any other muggles who know for a fact they have a daughter here's another movie character walking down the center of the damn road instead of either side it makes for a more symmetrical shot but also a more mathematically possible death part one as inspiring as i find your bloodlust bellatrix i must be the one to kill harry potter make sense to me my wand and potters share the same core we can wound but not fatally harm one another what a bunch of you make it sound like the wand is actually part of the owner's physical being and that twin wands know not to kill each other which can't be true and besides we've seen wizards using magic without wands this entire series and the rules have never been explained once if i am to kill him i must do it with another's wand movie makes this sound like a huge problem when it should basically be sure thing boss i'll just buy another one later you see this scene pays off a lot more if the rules of wands were ever covered yeah we get this is a big deal and voldemort taking malfoy's wand means something but that's the art of storytelling that was lost with the scene when the series decided against saying anything about it harry opens the door without checking who's there the very moment here he decides to say goodbye to the house and leave is the moment everyone who wants to help him shows up so we have to use those means of transport the trace can't detect brooms testosterones and the like the ministry can't detect when an underage wizard uses flying brooms does that mean some normal-ass muggle can get on a flying room and make it work also why didn't they just use a portkey or anything they used in the other chapters that harry was able to use without the ministry knowing or getting pissed about it you ride with hagrid i brought you here 16 years ago when you were no bigger than a bowtruckle doesn't hagrid's connection to harry make him the most likely target in case someone is watching can't the ron weasley harry go with hagrid are we still going with the muggles never see angle when it comes to these terribly obvious loud magic motorcycles why did all the fake harry potters ride out in the same goddamn direction as the real harry potter why didn't they scatter from the launch site movie answers the burning question what if michael bay directed a harry potter movie hedwig summons his inner eagle and shows up to save harry the only problem is i don't remember hedwig showing up for anything other than sending messages before this scene crossing the wall on streams bet we won't see this a dozen more times or anything wait a minute that was literally voldemort and he can actually get caught in the power lines god man what the hell is happening no also i guess the most powerful wizard ever is no match for a rocket booster why did they choose the weasley place to hide harry one of the most obvious places for him to stay whoa time out why is this woman washing her own pots and pans we've seen tons of explicit shots throughout these movies of magical self-scrubbing dish and cookware in the kitchen so this shot is some magic got them here but can't do much to help with the nearly deadly crash landing what creature sat in the corner the first time harry potter visited my office in hogwarts jesus man that was like four movies ago and harry's not a great student are you gonna kill him if he doesn't remember aren't the glasses part of the potion costume how come ron still has hairy glasses on but several other fake harries don't funny how lupin and kingsley were on their guard earlier making sure everyone was who they said they were but now every new arrival is just assumed to be good yeah it's sad that this family has spells to do the dishes but not to heal the wounded mandungus took one look at voldemort and disapperated wait a minute disapparate means the same thing as apparate i feel like dr nick when he finds out inflammable means flammable besides he's still got the chase on you still got the wedding what a wedding the love of bill and fleur needs to have a full-blown ceremony and everything while all the voldemort goes down magic newspaper is so stupid and annoying i don't even want to bother checking the articles for accuracy it takes six people to pitch a tent in the series and all that that implies rufus proves that any can come wandering into the highly protected weasley farm without any resistance to what do we owe the pleasure minister i think we both know the answer to that question mr porter you mean dumbledore left me something in his will of course to ronald bilius weasley i leave my deluminator when things seem most dark it will show him the light okay so now the deluminator is something i would probably call an illuminator what's with the weird anti-names and couldn't he have just given him a flashlight this gathering exacerbates even more the idea of putting on a wedding during this time allegiances are iffy people can change into other people nothing is certain did they ask all these party guests a secret question to prove who they were what was your high school mascot the reigns of castromere isn't playing right now to signal the impending and shocking bloodbath hermione is definitely old enough to be hot now right right what has it that someone talked to her jesus one of the chances of harry sitting down next to a newspaper columnist who just happens to be sitting close to a town gossip who just happens to know a name and location of a person harry needs to see to advance the plot at this wedding party that defies common sense how and harry have gotten this name any other way what's the point of all the magical protection if these smokey dicks can just come in without the slightest delay these people walking into the coffee shop are here to kill harry potter but miss their best chance to do it and inexplicably wait until they're at the counter to pull out their wants tipping off harry well before they attack and giving them better defense options also how the did they know harry was in here movie rips off the amazing spider-man or inspires it or shares storyboards with the production team by the way what the hell magic spells are they using that don't require any fake latin to work if we kill them they'll know we were here apparently they already know you're here so what the obliviate well that's the second time that spell is needed to be used but i can't help but think that this was invented specifically for this movie and to rip off men in black maybe you still have the trace on you can't be trace breaks at 17 is wizarding long how long has the story been going harry wasn't 17 when maddie and everybody came to his house and now he is but damn it's been like what a week they couldn't wait until harry turned 17 so he could do magic without the trace that all about probably madhou's idea okay snape decided to come snooping if you say so it clearly had you guys running out the door so a master wizard like snape would definitely have peed his pants and rant oh my name rebellio we're alone how did that magic spell known not to include harry and ron in the search results sweet part two harry potter and the chamber of flashbacks the director's cut now that 40 minutes have passed we can officially bring you bonus footage they couldn't show you in theaters of a mere 17 minutes ago future romantic pairing makes zero sense given what i know about attraction so movie ignores me and puts in this cutesy their hands almost touch while they're sleeping scene to have harry potter fans squee or whatever we're calling orgasms c stays harry goes into his dead uncle's room which gives me pause and makes me feel sad because harry spent all night on the couch when he could have just slept on this bed what you found a bed too damn there are beds all over the place it makes you wonder why they decided to spend time sleeping on the couches and the floor oh regulus arcturus black r-a-b you know r-a-b surely you remember that from the quick glimpse of harry's hitchhiker's guide to horcruxes earlier in the movie or that brief mention of r.a.b and the half-blood prince that came out a year and a half before this one you remember they were trying to figure out who that was right i gotta tell you something embarrassing i completely forgot also much like everything in this series something once considered hard to figure out is handed to them on a harry platter so that they can advance the harry plotter i know i will be dead long before you read this i know i will be long dead before you read watch or hear this cliche oh good now someone who could advance the plot even further is hiding in the closet right this very moment did someone take it he came in the night he took many things including the rocket he doesn't really have an a but definitely a penis cute piano lessons who was she the witch do you know no but this random newspaper on the floor does i'm just going to sit down and relax because harry's entire quest is going to be solved by plotbots movie puts in the guy from the departed who you didn't know was also in braveheart and expects me not to be distracted by that we flush ourselves in yeah i don't believe it either this is supposedly some secret way for ministry people to get to their job but it's a public urinal any regular could walk in and figure out things aren't quite right also traveling by toilet also come on are those knuckles in their rightful place how do you know that's not just a up decoration you can see like this in just about any city but i never once thought yep there's some dead people it's still raining inside my office that's two days now and there's absolutely no spell on the wizarding world that stops that but how do i stop it raining try phenitating can totem because not even the upstairs could figure out such an easy spell i'd say if we don't locate humbush within the owl we go find ron and come back another day let me guess yep there she is i'm pretty sure this albert dude isn't supposed to be in court just from the elevator scene earlier when dolores asked why he wasn't getting out so now that he's drawing a wand i'm wondering why there aren't a ton of paranoid witches and wizards instantly slinging disarming spells in his direction because after all dementors can't get through elevator cages even if they're pretty much smoked why did you wait so long to do this no one notices the most famous and wanted wizard in the world in the middle of the ministry of magic and are there really no alarms going off right now knocked out real husband shows up just in time to see weasley fake husband kiss his wife also is there any reason why you would show up for work in your undergarments after getting knocked out and left in a room somewhere probably after your liver was extracted for the black market you don't want to magic spell some clothes on again what's the spell is it a stupefy spell a kill spell a speaking spell and this guy has horrible aim despite the fact that i feel like magic should be able to correct any deficiencies here's the terence malik portion of the movie only one of many reasons why this is so long is to require two parts hurry quickly in my back was hermione waiting until harry got up to even think about the medicine she's carrying around in her bag was she just gonna worry over ron until harry could do something she easily could have done i'm on his own what do you think she's asking you to get the medicine for what happened i thought we meant to be going back to gribble place we worked we were there we were there but he actually had hold of me and i knew once you've seen where we were we couldn't stay so i brought us here how do you go through the flu network thing and change your mind midway through the journey but also take two friends with you and leave the bad guy behind don't your friends have to know where you're going for that to work this is some right here magic works so quickly and completely i wonder why they even worried about it are there any rules concerning the protective enchantments these wizards are always putting up around themselves can they be broken or do they just delay a surprise attack they didn't matter at the weasley house earlier where am i supposed to find a tent again this bag with a spell that makes it whole everything is somehow so useful you wonder why there are any conflicts in the magic world this is exactly what hermione in this movie is saying to my heart also how does the fire spell not burn the dried leaves surrounding the amulet after a series of spoken spells harry then throws three unspoken spells at the amulet illustrating my number one problem with this entire goddamn series dumbledore sends you off to find all these horcruxes but doesn't tell you how to destroy them doesn't that bother you it does me harry's flashbacks part three the extended prisoner's cut of azkaban [Music] beta right but it's my burden to bear samwise gamgee movie veers wildly into summer camp hunger games territory for most of the rest of the film actually and i don't like it he could smell it my perfume what the are you wearing perfume for on isn't strong enough to operate i'll go on foot well that seems like some pretty convenient plot device right there here begins one of the most infuriating parts of the entire series the ron gets jealous of harry and hermione rigamar role the entire part 1 will waste loads of time on this and camping if this movie had been a stand-alone film that didn't depend on every other part before it it would have made four quid at the box office watch it guys there's a mimic hiding somewhere in one of these trailers in the chamber of secrets you stab the basilisk with the sword of gryffindor its blade is impregnated with basilisk venom well hot damn that's convenient sanity that's why dumbledore left it to you in his will i can maybe see why he didn't spell out the reason for the sword in his will but couldn't he have at least left a riddle you are brilliant hermione truly except for the perfume thing i still can't figure that out for you to carry on don't let me spoil the fun too you think i'm not listening to you think i don't know how this failed skip salvia hexia for feminist finito i feel badly about what happened between ron and them it's gonna take a whole movie before i get over it we can waste time because there's a part two dance snitch tasting hidden words ex machina he doesn't pass the book somebody drew it luna's dad was wearing that at bill and fleur's wedding that wedding was beyond helpful to the quest they never bothered to ask anyone what it meant so a completely random run-in with the dude from notting hill completely saves their ass here you know who almost died there haven't you guys long been calling in voldemort no longer scared of the name isn't that exactly the type of place he'd be likely to hide a horcrux why didn't voldemort bury a horcrux under an ass italian restaurant or somewhere not obvious why was he so sentimental as to where parts of his soul were hidden hermione wipes off the one grave that just so happens to have the symbol important to the story so the plan was to turn the snake into bag shot and then attack harry once he got him into the house first off the snake is one of the horcruxes so that puts one of them in immediate danger second off why don't you just have someone else be bag shot who could just davada kadavra harry into oblivion sneak the sides i'll just go with the jump scare attack surely it will catch them completely off guard because they started playing monopoly after i fell in the hole in the floor more camping i tried to mend it but ones are different it's done leave me yours and there was no drama about harry taking hermione's want i'll take the locket as well is there any reason why they still need to take turns wearing the locket couldn't they just leave it in the tent or something the locket is apparently like the ring and lord of the rings but they aren't transporting it to mount doom they're just camping it's no need for the burden at least not right now apparently there's no spell for warmth a second dear jesus returns to ex machina the out of this series even more need a break in the case harry here's the glowing deer of requirement just think if hermione's parents had never taken her out here years ago they would have never camped here and harry would never have gotten a visit from the hollow deer of truth to lead him to the sword of gryffindor which is randomly here like a treasure in an rpg these stories need to go to rehab for how many times they rely on four-league clover appearances and rabbit's foot magic to bail the main characters out voldemort's smoky drive-in theater plays a pg representation of ron's worst fear also ron's worst fear is more likely to make him angry rather than scared so you should have kept it up with the spiders and now you're dead horacrux you are so very dead and how is it that you just happen to have the sword of gryffindor it's a long story well no it's not actually all that long it's just unbelievable it's all christmas morning i was sleeping in this little pub keeping away from some snatches and i heard it those hits have powerful sound don't they so here's ron explaining that the thing dumbledore gave him not only does funny things with lights it also takes you wherever you need to go if you hear a voice let a light pierce your heart and like huey lewis believe in the power of love we'll never hear about this thing again because it's just here to keep the plot moving but man what a useful thing this could be if it could take them to the horcruxes oh well i've already forgot about it ding just hoped one of you would show yourself you did well no harry was underwater and drowning so he did not show himself it's amazing you even came by the pond in the dark but what the hell do we expect at this point i'm going to have ron weasley's baby's face i've always liked his flame some mighty makes me too oh you meant the literal got it i think he knew somehow i'd need it to find my way back and she'd lead me if dumbledore had that kind of foresight he wouldn't be dead according to this movie's first scene casual wand exchanges can lead to stds but harry can pick whatever wand he wants because doe religion allows it it's a platform 10 inches nothing special science queen took office why is this dialogue about wands and snatchers making me anxious it keeps cropping up in beadle labard in the graveyard in godric's hollow it was there too harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1 tries to break the pronoun game record synchronized tea drinking a symbol you mean this yes benjamin gates will already have this magical knight's templar solved well it's the sign of the deathly hallows of course rule credits you're all familiar with the tale of the three brothers i have it in here of course you do there were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely winding road at twilight midnight mum always said midnight but twilight's fine better actually ron betrays the harry potter series by saying twilight is better i bet he's even on team jacob the bastard also ron is only in this movie to boost the run time through buffoonery that is excessive even by ron's standards now the movie's taking a page from prince of egypt because really what choice did they have after deciding to devote several minutes of screen time to a character reading us a children's story only when he attained a great age did the youngest brother shed the cloak of invisibility and give it to his son wait did the youngest brother with the cloak of invisibility on how did he get a wife when he was invisible the youngest brother had some mad game they were angry you see about the heroes touch a thing and are instantly whisked to a place a place that just happens to put them in the middle of a bunch of snatchers i'm just going to take note of how they completely abandon their bags and backpacks here because i'm assuming at some later point in time they're going to magically reproduce something that was in one of those bags let's pencil in this in here and i'll take it off later if i'm wrong why are they running why not run together and apparate again why not use that spell you used in the first goddamn movie that turned neville frozen god these movies drive me crazy a foot chase and a superpowered magical wizard movie should just not happen the shaky cam is strong with this one once again a magical person does not need to speak the spell out loud in order for it to work and this one is extremely specific harry potter's flashbacks part 4 the goblet of remembering the elder wand lies with him of course of course him you know who found the elder one you mean just now you've been dreaming this for months what has voldemort been doing this whole time and what's with the continued use of you know who you pansy ass all bad guys are rapists yes what is wrong with his face he came to us like that something he picked up in the forest i reckon or ran into a stinging jinx or a cracker jacker am i right give me a wand we'll see what her last spell was wands are iphones now it was in her bag when we searched up so you dumb trek back the 500 yards you chased them to retrieve the backpacks call me skeptical well good thing they keep a lantern handy down in the malfoy dungeons what are you doing here dobby's come to rescue harry potter of course dobby will always be there for harry potter except when he fights a snake or when the snatchers decide to take him to the malfoy house in the first place but sure dobby's there to save harry potter i know wormtail is stupid but thankfully bellatrix is taking her sweet ass time interrogating hermione so that there will still be a hermione for these dudes to say [Music] dobby prefers to unhook the chandelier and cause a disturbance method rather than using elf magic to save the heroes of course the old falling chandelier gag causes bellatrix to shove hermione away from herself and toward harry and ron man that gag is consistently useful dobby only meant to me more seriously injured hilarious but can't health magic do the same thing dobby is a free elf because of that accidental sock loophole i will never forget that bullsh why do they need dobby's help apparating at this point they have wands they were doing it on their own earlier the man also apparating will now take forever so that bellatrix has time to throw a knife across the room before it's over bellatrix's knife goes into a disappearing vortex of whirlwind and still somehow ends up stabbing dobby with it such a beautiful place tell me about the rabbits george movie expects me to feel horrible for dobby and movie is wrong because the movie is responsible for putting him in this situation dobby funeral now he's super duper powerful now that voldemort is upgraded he's no longer a piece of run-of-the-mill wizard damn 2 hours 26 minutes of setup awesome goodbye money also half a movie is half a movie and oh yeah 12 minutes of credits here's the ending of part one in case for some reason you decided you know what i think it's about time i went to my first harry potter movie when the deathly hallows part 2 came out it rehashes last movie's ending like we're not already pressed for time here 22 seconds of logo magical military marching formations finally the conclusion to the half movie you watched nearly a goddamn year ago harry and friends forget to etch dobby's ex-machina accomplishments on his tombstone yep they can use magic to engrave the headstone but not to bring dobby back to life oh well dobby they're holding the goblin prisoner in this room but probably didn't even bother to explain to him how the four seashells work how did you come by this sword it's complicated every time someone asks harry how he got his sword he tells them it's too long or too complicated a story to tell but all he has to say is a hologram deer showed me the way and in the magic world i guess that would earn a respectful knot the sword presented itself to us in a moment of need we're still debating why that bastard sword waited so damn long in our moment of neat we camped for days went to godric's hollow and fought a snake and camped another day before it finally said they named me also is this a good time to ask why this sword was ever created in the first place godric gryffindor actually said to himself magic magic everywhere but i need a sword to kill some fools who's the acquaintance oh gorgeous professor as i understand that he's now head master either you don't know that person's name is snape or you just did a horrible job protecting his identity in the last movie bellatrix went crazy trying to figure out how they got into her vault which leads harry to make a somewhat ridiculous sleep that there might be a horcrux in there too this is all because snape put a fake sword of gryffindor in her vault for reasons i will never begin to understand sure voldemort might have said we need to get that sword it has basilisk venom on it after the events of harry potter and the chamber of secrets but he has shown time and time again that he's not that forward thinking or careful or observant this was the one that draco malfoy was is he not still well perhaps not if you want it from him now in the eighth movie the series finally explains why using other people's swans can be difficult i still don't know why harry was able to use hermione's wand in the last movie or why people can't get new ones if there's break or why sometimes they need wands and sometimes they don't and what do you know about the deathly hallows rule credits you no one exists you told him about it part one's pronoun game usage set a world record and part two drives it into overkill i don't even care if he can refer to only one person if it's true what you say and he has the elder wand i'm afraid you really don't stand a chance the guy who just said you have to win the wand in order to control it believes voldemort can control the older one after stealing it from a dead dumbledore where in the did they manage to get a bellatrix hair was it on hermione's clothes after bellatrix tortured her was this convenient or they saying hermione had the wherewithal to take one from her before they went into that dobby portal [Music] ha ha because hermione's never worn heels before or something not sure why tripping is funny or logical here but i guess we need some way to show that they might get caught as imposters [Music] would you mind presenting your wand and why should i do that instead of just presenting bellatrix's real want which they have they go with the these aren't the droids you're looking for plan which granted works but still overcomplicated plan is overcomplicated [Music] very well madame lestrange we're in the magic world where people can change into other people and do all sorts of magic spells so it's weird that this goblin behind the guy who just got roofed decides wow this story seemed like to me and my boss demanded the wand and completely changed his mind for no reason but they don't pay me enough to argue also wouldn't that mind control spell come in handy a number of times previous to and succeeding this occasion 3d justification the thief's downfall washes away all enchantments but only after the spectacular 3d rollercoaster ride ah smog wait despite the fact that the thief's downfall stop the cart and dump them out it doesn't lock them in some magical wall of some sort they've added the gemino curse everything you touch will multiply and that's their last defense thing multiplication everything you touch will multiply but harry will still somehow make this climb up all the bulls also why isn't this damn thing behind a series of magical curses and defenses you know all those protection charms they keep putting around themselves in part one why not those plus some murdery ones i have one apparate somewhere not here harry potter mini villains use the hobbit school of hiding behind pillars to protect against extremely intense dragon heat method which works amazingly well in both movies dragon is for some reason totally okay with these three little humans riding his spikes and none of the muggles saw the obvious dragon destroying roofs and flying over london because muggles are the least observant species on the planet in these movies now and that dragon was never to be seen again i heard it became an accountant it married that other forgotten dragon from goblet of fire i hear a flashback he knows you know you're still you know whoing huh oh there's more one of them is at hogwarts harry's connection to voldemort is actually a cool plot point that has been developed well over the series but only just now does it tell harry where the next horcrux is because they had no idea where to go after the bank heist we've got to plan we've got to figure it out hermione one of any of our plans ever actually worked like 100 of the time i'm fine with two naked male torsos and it's smart because those clothes are wet they could catch pneumonia and there's not a spell for that so i'm kind of sending the fact that hermione is not smart in this seat also how are there dry clothes from anywhere that they can change into after being submerged furthermore why isn't there a magic spell to dry clothes you're the one who sent dobby with the amazing timing of a plot convenience i might add what makes you think you can believe anything my brother told you you know the time you knew him did he ever mention my name right not mentioning a seemingly creepy brother's name totally means everything dumbledore ever said is now suspect gotcha you know what to do wherever he santa don't see someone else because this is an important journey i just called a suicide mission i want to keep this spoiler free i don't remember this on my order's map that's because it never existed till now so a magical painting of dumbledore's sister just dug a secret tunnel to hogwarts that i am totally down with and have no questions about what i am concerned with is why this kind of magic couldn't have been used in so many other situations before this but i guess i should just expect it by now sure the guy who's supposed to be incognito right now let's cheer and clap when he shows up that can't possibly raise suspicion it seems despite your exhaustive defensive strategies you still have a bit of a security problem headmaster because as you see we managed to sneak in all the weasleys again here's some awesome magic being conducted without a wand wands are important then they aren't depending on what the story needs i know that many of you will want to fight high school intercom announcements give me harry potter you will have one hour arbitrary deadlines lead miss parkinson and the rest of slytherin house from the hall exactly where is it i'll be leading them too mom the dungeons would do patriot act also this goes back to what we said a long time ago about slytherin house if you're picked by the sorting hat to go there you're basically being told you're an evil person and in this case it's all the slithering do what you have to do i'll secure the castle i'll make sure none of those painting can dig a secret tunnel in here like dumbledore's dead sister did hogwarts is threatened man the boundaries protect us me honcorn's had a statue army this whole time and never once used it all the times hogwarts needed protecting i've always wanted to use that spell seems to me you've had plenty of opportunities freaking gift wrapped for you in the previous seven movies but whatever okay each one of these professors has to shoot their own protection spells into the air because their magic only covers a five foot by five foot square area and all sorts of voldemorts can come in if you don't get good coverage also super powerful looking forcefield spell makes its first appearance in the final battle despite appearing to be the perfect spell for several previous perilous incidents protection charm sex kelly mcdonald isn't my ghostly girlfriend or having my ghost babies are allowing me to play egon spangler with my fully functional proton pack in this scene he was a grey lady that's racist another sword to destroy it many years ago tom riddle but he lied back then why would you give the diadem to anyone who'd want to destroy it it didn't have voldemort's soul in it it was just a freaking diet he defiled it with dark magic yeah so why did you give it to him again i'll give him a perfectly good diadem question mark profits ron can speak personal tongue because finale harry talks in his sleep you ron makes hermione take on the basilisk tooth stabbing duties because that's how a man behaves would the flooding happen anywhere they decided to stab the horcrux or is it just because they're in the chamber of secrets and if the water isn't going to drown anyone what's the goddamn point yep totally feels natural when you ram it down our throats like this it's weird no one ever thought of a mass killing curse like a plural of vada kadavr for situations just like this movie thinks we don't know neville survive the fall and movie is sadly mistaken trolls stone soldiers excitement kingsley's spell is exactly the same that turned jessica alba and the others into the fantastic four ew we'll never find it on this there he is pretty what was the it ron was referring to was it harry potter because harry potter was easiest to find on this map if not harry potter what it were they looking for surely they didn't expect to find the diadem on the map i guess i'm confused oh well also sending the marauders map here for not showing draco or his buddies anywhere when they are definitely behind harry potter at this moment so i guess harry really needed to get into this rumor requirement but then so did these following it whatever i guess but it seems like the rumor requirement's just taking all comers at this point why didn't you tell her who's her [Music] if i do him you mean make love to then that's probably okay in voldemort's book but you cannot kill harry potter because of the stupid rule that only he can kill him so this scene just got robbed of its tension how does it feel legitimately surprised there's not a spell for quickly climbing chair piles oh look brooms right when we need them if we die for them harry i'm gonna kill you if we die i'm gonna kill you cliche the power of three flaming voldemort heads cannot penetrate the rumor requirements doors about now voldemort is wondering why he didn't stick a few horcruxes in other countries or in random places with no meaning our movie theater is playing mars needs mobs so they would never be found come bikini i need to keep you safe if this didn't talk to a snake so damn much harry would never have figured out how important it was also why not send a guinea to france while they attack hogwarts it could curl up at the french open and take in a doll match while its master wins life i guess remember in order of phoenix when voldemort was planting false visions in harry's mind so he could set a trap what happened to that we don't know any spells that work against giants run the battle of hogwarts being relegated to a third tier action scene something we see flashes of as the characters we're following run past it is really annoying incredible timing is aberforth shows up at the exact same place as harry right at the moment a flying ton of dementors show up movie series that has shown us that magical dudes can often tell when they're being eavesdropped on especially by students decides i can't think of any other way to convey this exposition between two of the most powerful wizards ever while you live the elder wand cannot truly be mine we've seen voldemort doing all sorts of magic with the swan but because it's resisting him he decides to kill snape believing that the wand will truly be his after that but then what what is it that he can't do right now that he could do with a more compliant wand this is the more power problem at work because the movie can't sufficiently tell us what more power means and here no problem killing snape with the same troublesome wand he didn't even have to say a spell funny story so i went to the bathroom and went into a completely different auditorium showing some movie where some dude's tears were suddenly magical and being harvested but oh wait this is the right auditorium man if only i knew which weasley this was i might feel a bit bad about this voldemort gave me an ultimatum to fight him but i think i have some time to check out snape's tears so i can find out he was a good guy after all geez how many tears did he get from snape i think he got like maybe one tier or two but not a whole five hour energy drink full snape's tears posthumously absolve him of any wrongdoing so the audience i mean harry won't hate him sorting hat is addict to snape's love life snape said harry had his mom's eyes but his are blue and hers are pretty brown maybe he was talking about shape or prescription hi i'm lily let's get married later and rub snape's face in our love voldemort based his plot to kill harry potter on this witch's prophecy and as likable as she is she's awful at predicting and it's incredible he took her so seriously he has her eyes all of a sudden there will come a time when harry potter must be told something but you must wait until voldemort is at his most vulnerable why the also i don't know how snape was supposed to know when voldemort was at his most vulnerable but what was he waiting for he didn't even bother to put memory tears in a special jar just in case he died before harry could get to him luckily harry was around to witness the attack and he didn't die too fast a part of voldemort's soul latched itself under the only living thing it could find what since when does horcrux manufacturing work that way every single horcrux harry is destroyed has been inside some sort of object not a living thing and doesn't voldemort actually have to do something with his soul to make a horcrux why did he try to make a horcrux immediately after he killed lily also i don't know if we sent it before probably did but this spell lily put on harry should have been cast on every damn person at hogwarts before this battle started this flashback is going on 5 minutes at this point the power of boners turns your patronus into the woman who loves patronus also that explains how harry ended up finding the sword of gryffindor but all the stuff we said about that still stands there's no reason why that took so long there's a reason i can hear them dog whistles the horcruxes oh man hogwarts is trashed i guess i should feel lost but i know they'll use the same spell that fixed the weasley's house so i guess the destruction isn't anything i should really care about snitch tasting man good thing he never lost that snitch during all the this movie and the last where he could have and should have lost that snitch you've been so brave sweetheart actually that's all he's been all eight movies bravery is really the only heroic characteristic he's displayed all the solutions have either been found by his friends or handed to him on an x-mock in a platter why are you here all of you we never left well that's creepy so you saw me masturbate i guess it would have caused some serious spirit world marital discord if snape had been allowed into harry's people who loved him reunion man this guy has been mega patient he's waded through an entire 10 minute snape's tears till the whole story sequence plus a harry touch's base with his ghost relative scene and he's just standing here deleted scene includes voldemort skipping rocks across a pond waiting for harry to show up no sign of him my lord what do you mean he's been talking to his ghost loved ones for like five minutes how have you not seen him and he shows up like 30 seconds after the dude says this harry no what are you doing here better question what are you doing here alive hell prisoner unlike all the other fools they just simply kill why is this not two thousand miles away by now it's at times like these when i wonder why voldemort doesn't do that throat sleeping thing he did to snape seems like he'd be unable to recover from that although to be fair harry shouldn't be able to recover from this either so it goes this is basically the matrix ending hero has to die to save the world or the iron giant ending or the big hero 6 ending or the jesus ending wow magic heaven looks fake speaking of magic heaven do they have their own separate heaven from the muggle one because if so even god's racist in this universe well that's disgusting makes you wonder what's going on in magic hell well it's a good thing that when harry went to limbo dumbledore could be there to share his experience so he could tell harry the choice he has professor what is that something beyond neither of our home oh where would you say that we are discount cloud city you were the horcrux he never meant to make harry those crazy accidental horcruxes i have to go back haven't i oh that's up to you so harry was a horcrux and voldemort killed harry which means that puts him in limbo somehow it's not really explained all that well so sit back and relax and just go with it right i mean this is the most ex machina of all the ex-monkeys really and that's saying something health will always be given at hogwarts harry to those who ask for it unless you're harry potter in the first seven movies of course words are in my not so humble opinion our most inexhaustible source of magic you mispronounced frustration dead voldemort can't tell when he's being lied to by anyone in this entire series neville runs by the cause of all the problems in these movies and doesn't immediately destroy it oh i see hagrid was kept alive so this dramatic carrying harry's body scene had more impact that's stupid why isn't this 3 000 harry potter is dead voldemort at the improv we can find a place for you in our rank i'd like to say something voldemort allows this he's still with us and here voldemort continues to allow this neville brings a sword to a magic fight voldemort doesn't go into a rage smoke monster and track down harry potter immediately like he did in part one when he got caught in the stupid power lines later we see him do this so why couldn't he appear directly in front of him and nevada could have his ass there's a basilisk fang so why did he tell dumbledore he had nothing to kill the last horcrux with the snake's still alive and i've nothing to kill it with man this elder wand just won't obey voldemort will it oh look more wands crossing streams i'll start with that i'm working my way up to more dangerous things but you get the point not my daughter you this line combines one of the best lines from aliens with the awkward title of that sally field movie not without my daughter only without the without bellatrix suffers from the laughing fits that occur when you're doing battle at the end of a movie in series deleted scene includes the part where the mice eat all the pieces and then the cats eat all the mice director said that's overkill also mama weasley so easily dispatches bellatrix that i'm not sure whether to be impressed with mama weasley or disappointed at the supposedly historically badass bellatrix also molly knows there's an audience clapping right now so she properly stops the movie to gloat over her kill voldemort ignores the killing curse in favor of a good old-fashioned magical fistfight it's like he got 7.5 movies of a decent magic series that ultimately inexplicably goes with the shanghai night's ending off this movie is going to tell me after all that we've seen that wands are once again crucial for performing magic isn't there at least a zap my wand to my hand spell harry and voldemort set a bad example on how to celebrate christmas also i feel like i've seen this before not your where i can't quite place it neville x mock it up or is it long bottom x marketing whatever sounds dumber fall to postmortem and the unlikely romantic pairings continue the one never belonged snape it was draco who disarmed dumbledore that night in the astronomy tower from that moment on the one answered him until the other night when i disarmed draco and somehow this one decided to obey voldemort and put me in limbo when he shot me with it but bygones harry does the right thing also yeah i get it absolute power corrupts absolutely and all that but we never really saw what the swan could do or that it had some allure that inherently caused evil and i'm still trying to figure out the rules of wands and we're nearly done with this movie skips over voldemort's two resurrections to go straight to the happy ending ah terrible 19 years later makeup i still don't believe nobody ever sees this hermione's kids are a reminder that hermione and ron had sex at least twice dad what if i have put in scissors 19 years after their folly was exposed hogwarts still separates kids into four distinct groups so that the hate can continue what if i have put in slytherin albus severus potter oh my god what's worse the actual name of this child or the stilted expositional way it's jammed into this scene with 12 more minutes of credits i think you could create an entire movie's worth of credits with these eight movies i feel thin sort of stretched like butter scraped over too much bread

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,364,054

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, harry potter, eww harry potter, harry potter reaction, harry potter franchise, cinemasins harry potter, hp, harry potter explained, daniel radcliffe, harry potter cast, behind the scenes, harry potter and the chamber of secrets, harry potter easter eggs, harry potter and the sorcerer's stone, j.k. rowling, harry potter details, harry potter funny, harry potter review

Id: n9kZ6IUmHOE

Length: 102min 40sec (6160 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 14 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/rasslingrob]

They should do more franchise videos.