Everything Wrong With Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

[Music] so all five of these friends were alive and completely the same in 1897 I get that vampires are immortal and you could even convince me that Frank and mummy dearest are the same but do wolf persons and invisibles not age either tickets ladies character doesn't look at obviously disguised characters for us sensible comedic effect cliche what is this another scooby-doo sequel not only is this German child speaking English but he's speaking modern English slang in 1897 I am now pretty sure young Friedrich von Kaka Schmidt here can travel through time except if he goes forward he has to live as an old man and if he goes backwards he ends up as a child so whenever he tries to tell anyone there they think he's a child playing make-believe or senile old man my point is I'm already so bored with this movie that I'm writing other movies in my head and this can't be a good son yes one of the Van Helsing's Expos introduction oh yeah remember when the famous vampire hunter of Anthony hull skins used the laser gun to subdue Dracula always an underrated part of that legendary story I know you haven't even gotten into the movie yet but seriously why isn't he firing this gun he's got him dead to rights he survives this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this sure it's a cartoon but just remember that death or danger has exactly zero stakes for anyone in this universe considering this movie attended the wily coyote school of surviving things and sunny she doesn't cry she bites the thing I love most about the Hotel Transylvania is the adorably casual cannibalism natus looks less like a married a hundred and twenty six year old vampire and then a millennial that used a gift card at the lazy Raven that her cousin gave her last year the day I married Johnny was the best day of my life Oh awesome Johnny's back from the last two movies anyone care pink Johnny we're not allowed to bring our dogs I mean our pets everywhere this seems like a very simple and important rule that should land these two [ __ ] in giant trouble you can even find someone to sing with on your phone now setting easy tinder humor aside why would it be Holloman that brought it up isn't he the one person without a profile pic I'm looking for a date skip I'm lonely I understand you want Bologna when we're doing this part of a film to fill some time before we leave for a boat boss good okay just put the entire trailer in there oh you know what that's why you're the boss boat's not into senticles wait if dating apps in the monster universe exist there would totally be a vampire specific one it took like three seconds after Grindr was released for wine Christian farmers with neck tattoos meetup.com to star and a vampire woman wouldn't even have to be that specific Matt found forget the fact that Drakon black here didn't even swipe that picture at all what kind of dating app immediately video calls a person after it finds a match for you eavesdropping barging in and [ __ ] blocking or the old boner killer trifecta yeah absolutely right I think the only specific direction Adam Sandler was given was to use the most annoying register in his vocal range are you a monster this is clearly a setup for them to get on the boat right if so how did they know Mabus was thinking about a vacation right the second and that this TV is on and how did they even take the TV over in the first place I can deal with all kinds of fantastical creatures in this movie but this is some bull as crazy as this looks still not anywhere near is back but insane as gremlins to 20 because they're monsters and all monsters are [ __ ] I guess is it funny also why do they have to take a monster specific airplane at all they were riding perfectly well on the train a few centuries ago before Van Hot Pockets showed up and why doesn't Dracula have his own boat specifically for these purposes [Music] god bless Adam Sandler for doing the work of bringing attention to the genital trauma humor this country needs in these trying times I mean since every day in this country feels like a new kick in the balls why shouldn't our movies reflect it so authentically poured the hours in the closet sized room with you and uncle Bernie arguing who was more interactive Cleopatra or Nefertiti I'll admit that 40 hours is a long time but it's not like they were talking about the structural integrity of a steel reinforced casket man they're discussing intimate details about two of the most attractive women in the history of history that's hardly a snooze fest the series is clearly an exercise and stretching the very limits of Adam Sandler's tolerability to a film audience getting there then increasing it by 3,000 percent cuz up with this giant puppy why is it here and why do we care about it wait there was a [ __ ] shirt I had to catch in addition to two other movies I'm forced to sit through I can't believe I'm saying this but that puppy sure most if not all these [ __ ] are immortal but incredibly human Johnny survives this who made you such an amazing doctor it's like Adam Sandler watch Steve Carell in the first despicable me and said hey I can easily do a borderline offensive Eastern European accent for a similarly unlikable and ghoulish character for three stupid movies to came out Steve this is an absurdly large ship right so why are there so few people booked on it there were only a couple of dozen on the plane and we haven't been shown anyone else boarding yeah what's up with that other than a cheap excuse to show a more tinkles footage won't even qualifies as a pet in this universe they literally have a blob of slime that travels with them it's that not hard to clean up after darling what's the movie that we take the kids to that we don't have to explain awkward things afterwards all right what kinds of things I mean Hotel Transylvania three is playing oh that's perfect they're certain to be no casual bestie ality that will require some sort of discussion hi mom what in the van helsing even is this movie seaweed rewrap Wow it sounds like everything we can do at our hotel oh so he's surly again now tell you what I'm just gonna add 20 cents for each time Drax a grumpy [ __ ] then is talked into having fun only to appear in the very next scene is a grumpy [ __ ] that's nice thank fire bad remember despite his [ __ ] demeanour Drac would be excellent at cinema since what am I saying because of his [ __ ] demeanor Drac would be perfect its innocence oh no he's having a heart attack or he's recycling the exact thing he did in his SNL audition either way it's bad to be scary hang on is this literally an allegory for the gay cruise experience is that okay to do have they checked with the proper authorities I'm just saying someone's gonna be offended really fish cravats is the best you could come up with I mean a crow bass is right there or three-ring circus circuit if Elaine don't try to go portmanteau to toe with me mister no no not okay not okay somehow Adam Sandler's initial script reactions made it into the final film hey well you might want to change your front cape then I went to the moped store salesman's like what up what's your budget I genuinely have no clue why these fish are doing a spoken word version of a Macklemore song but it feels funny and subversive and since there's nothing else like that in the movie I'm gonna angrily send this mackerel more a moment instead of registering my appreciation for its inclusion so blob no heart here is asexual and procreates by getting sick and vomiting up its children does that mean that tongues or birth control is epic an aphrodisiac our blob frat parties full of new kids by the end of the night I've so many questions how are these obviously feral puppies not considered pets goddamnit that no pet sign at the beginning was the stupidest part of a very stupid movie and five cents damage I'm still not sure I understand you take my kids all day purpose dear gluten-free God and unleavened heaven another side story this movie doesn't have a plot so much as it has a series of unrelated and astonishingly unfunny sketches it's like SNL had a baby with a sentient piece of raw sewage whatever we want whatever we want whatever we want this goes on for some time also didn't they have at least some assistance at the Hotel Transylvania I know this boring parents finally get a break from the kids Fantasy plays to a certain part of the audience but like everything in this movie is dialed up to 11 to boil all the humor out of it so right great-grandfather villain poses as love interest of the protagonist before immediately showing her long lineage of evil cliche and so I began to search France this is a character reading 4x position during narration in a flashback this is like the turducken of sin moments this movie is a cheap maximum sin Duncan and Leslie I searched and I did this instead of finding virtually any other way to kill this one individual also I mean seriously even if one man alone can't take drag out there are so many other things to try trying to burn the castle down recruit an army to seize it recruit a relocation service to move the entire castle to the equator this is the most convoluted and expensive plan ever conceived even dumber than operation faithful patriot a full 90 seconds of an alternative Bruno Mars video for 24-karat magic that's almost as stupid as the original video movie is now taking a few minutes for an attempted murder dance montage I swear the actual script of this thing must have been like five pages it doesn't make any sense you can't sing twice well I mean it's all dependent on medication you take and the length of the refractory period and of course the willingness of your partner so I wouldn't say you can't also jokes aside what the hell is with this rule Dracula is essentially immortal as long as he follows certain rules about crosses in the Sun to the universe seriously set up a general rule that even if you live forever you can only be content with one person I mean Ariana Grande's already broken this rule several times and she's only 25 why is the water up to dracs waist but below Mavis when we know for a fact that Drac is quite a bit taller than Mavis out of the water aside from the fact that this Bigfoot joke is the same Bigfoot joke as the last five times we've seen it in this movie alone this movie make up its mind on his size somehow he was able to sit inside a plane that would now easily be crushed by his step why does so many of the monsters need a scuba tank like the vampires are already dead they don't need to breathe same goes for the mummy right really the only one that needs this Johnny and movie said pal to that character thirty minutes ago huh I guess convoluted stupid expensive unnecessary plans really do run in the van helsing family thinking it was too obvious to jump the shark though you literally decided to hypnotize it and ride it around the ocean is that Johnny a human swimming over an active volcano that's currently erupting god damn this movie stupid so the legs are what caught your suspicion and not the obvious mechanical submarine the fact that this movie stupidly wastes talents like keegan-michael key makes me mad enough to mummify my monitor so I don't have to watch anymore this bolt complementor your neck looks delicious yeah about that none of the three full vampires and one half empire have eaten on this entire trip it's not like there are many humans to pick from - so Drac is gonna need to make a move regardless unless he wants to start snacking on pork and Johnny oh yeah remember that case story that I'm sure will have a huge impact on the overall narrative yeah me neither hope you people that paid the extra in the theater for the 3d images of drool being throwing your face we're extremely satisfied har-har this menus full of so many bad puns and cliches it just got greenlit as a family comedy on Netflix also there's a lot of bull on that menu but still no blood despite knowing this is exactly where vampires go on vacation have you a beverage to quench me of my parchment damn even the troupe of cameos are over stuffed in this movie edit komali that's so that's so racist I guess the movies been holding that fart joke in for almost 10 minutes which has got to be some kind of record my wife died how old was your daughter she was just an infant man we're getting some Highlander style both on the ages here the rack is obviously super old but he looks middle-aged and you can assume he was turned into a vampire around that age but Mavis is 126 and she looks like a con Selena Gomez right but she had an infancy my point is like every other vampire movie before you just give us some goddamn rules oh that's cute honey well it's been fun last one out turn out the lights we're done here I'm not sure which is the endless side plants in this flaming pile of a movie is the most pointless but loop on Duggars ditching their pups is the leader in the clubhouse for sure despite everyone being in the proper place to eavesdrop all over the ship this loud argument is totally private in fact when mr. pink and superstar finally do show up they haven't heard discount mr. ruby boogie too yep the apex of the culture of humanity throughout all of history is visualized as a king las vegas casino I honestly think the cast has lost track here and think they're making grownups 3 which takes place entirely in Monte Carlo I can't lie to my own daughter anymore she's the most important person in the world to me and I'm reciting my character motivation so that they will be clear to the audience who may have fallen asleep 30 minutes ago Bob why would he be with Bob Bob's a great guy isn't me here is Johnny getting more and more stupid in this series whatever zing Mavis saw in him in the first place has apparently been smoked out of him and security at Atlantis the most secretive location in the entire world by the way is way looser than I thought it would be honest I can't tell if this moustache gang is actually kind of funny or if it's just the thinnest kid at phat game either way it's sad when this is the closest you get to a laugh and a movie that's supposed to be checking my notes yep a comedy holy jesus is chasing is taking so long I think it's about to take the record from bullet Yeomans well for one monsters are apparently allowed to party in a location that's been hidden from everyone in history with no supervision I'm here to get that yeah it's a family heirloom yeah it was lost it at sea Kathryn Hahn usually has a very distinct voice but you could have easily convinced me that this was Jennifer Aniston this is like Kathryn Hahn literally doing a Jennifer Aniston impression and it's distracting us from the scene with their black and white outfits and setting off booby traps only makes me long for a really well done Spy vs spy movie or the sweet release of death I'd honestly take either at this point man good thing none of those arrows or made out of wood aren't there several sticking into where Drax heart would be even if they came through his back he's pretty [ __ ] dead right now right Drac decides to run Erica out of here instead of simply flying since we got to stretch this [ __ ] for as long as it'll go I could never be with a monster oh sweet if we're already at the protagonist fight right before the end of the movie cliche and that means it's almost done right right never lies really is this another solid attribute of a Xing or like the previously mentioned only zinging wants is one that might change is there a Xing king who decides on these things at Monster weddings do they have Xing bearers to some mayor just survive on a singing prayer can you have a zing fling is a divorce considered a zing animus I'm just saying this whole Xing thing is plot contrived nonsense and well deserving of at least 30 Zynga ding-dings I know I made an Okie boogie crack before but I mean between the Halloween esteem the cranky old genius with a god complex that's stuck in a mobility device the shelter daughter figure looking for more to her existence the implementation of a whole new world and the singing sack of bugs out in the water we've got an honest-to-god Nightmare Before Christmas ripoff I'm just gonna go ahead and send this for being way too many minutes of a rave that even I'd be too old for let alone monsters who's been around for hundreds of years what's most important to understand is that what I'd like to understand is where the spotlight is coming from that is following him during his blue light special because it's never even addressed of course part of me is glad considering they probably would have just panned up to see some sort of monster eating baked beans whose farts have a blue glow so silver linings I guess you can't deny Xing monster human unicorn god damn it that's the second overt allusion to bestie allottee in this movie and I'm freaked out that whomever wrote it is getting into the minds of the current generation [Music] so it was everyone okay with dying this took several seconds to set up which is a ton of time for drag or Mavis to run up there and snatch the music they all just too curious to see how this bold ending turns out if you got Megadeth up there you could have had an entire symphony so let's talk about Van Helsing's plan shall we somehow convince all the monsters to go on a cruise on a ship his daughter captain's to get them out to the lost city of Atlantis and even though he already has the location of this secret weapon and knows all about it he waits until they're all there to try and retrieve and since he had a synth ready he must have known that inside was a dubstep song that had survived the destruction of the city and any kind of water damage so that he could play it with all the monsters gathered at a rave he also somehow knew that this would initiate the crack to attack and destroy the monsters who again somehow all decided on their own to take this vacation do I have that right do I then release the crack sins [Music] to be fair this is also my immediate and visceral reaction to hearing dubstep rap but many of you can fly and you can take other goddamnit this is pointless I've written so many crack and related sincere that it's getting redundant in my head so just trust me when I say horrible but then a Pirates of the Caribbean sequel and metal cover kind of like Kanye and Kim get ready for a DJ battle you just carry all that stuff around with you yakety Drax has a point but would still suck at cinemasins because that's how much I hate this movie no credit given suck banging we're gonna use good music to defeat his evil music and you know this works because just forget it can someone just say they all live crappy ever after so we can call it a day oh dude you don't even know how bad it is to watch it I like this magical DJ scene when I saw it years ago and Scott Pilgrim vs. the world so I was about an extra 40 cents for how long boring and unnecessary this is a old mother this Cape is showing zero doctor strange tendencies this entire movie but it's now dancing the Macarena on its own because that's the song that defeated the musically hypnotized singing Kraken to save the monsters does someone bother to say this stuff out loud at any point in the writers room plage product placement meets slime product placement slime blush movie and hopefully franchise ends on one of the least important plot points in the history of the King franchise although look I might be talked into seeing a spinoff the features that jazz fish group but said too much and if I see van helsing could there be a female gremlin lipstick boobies [ __ ] you have he and little gremlin vajayjay I love it so much that it's not only in the movie but it's definitely in the movie I'm gonna go check on you know loo I'll be right back I have waited so long to meet you I'm gonna roll you into a little ball shove you up my vagina you live there I replaced my feelings with [Music] release the Kraken

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,050,524

Rating: 4.8722582 out of 5

Keywords: summer vacation, cinema sins, cinemasins, eww, hotel transylvania 3, wave jockey job, hotel transylvania, movie, review, everything wrong with, mistakes

Id: OFNQrRJGJVQ

Length: 18min 57sec (1137 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 27 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Hexum311add]

Why did I wait to watch it?? Damn Sony for copyright striking the video!! Anyone got a mirror please?

[u/HectorZeroni]

Sony says "NOT TODAY SIR!"

[u/SailorSaturn79]

"It's like SNL had a baby with a piece of sentient raw sewage."

"Release the KRAK-sins!"

"Aw. Kinda like Kanye and Kim?"

roflmaooo

[u/TheDynamicDino]

No mention of the horribly unmatched keyboard playing visuals with the actual music? Aristocats did better than that and that was hand-drawn!

But overall these movies seem like a waste of a really fun and unique animation style. The way the characters move is more entertaining than the voice acting and plot.

[u/Meta_Boy]

man, I felt sorry for the Sinsguys like 2 minutes into this video. Rough.

[u/Great_Zeddicus]

Ok. People are already letting you know. SONY must not like you very much.

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Why do we need three of these things?

Why do we need Sony Animation at all? Although Into The Spider-Verse looks like its going to be amazing, so they got that one right.

[u/LuckyJamnik]

Thank you Sony, very cool.

[u/Glunark2]

It was gone within the first hour, wonder if that's a record?