Everything Wrong With Minions: Rise of Gru in 22 Minutes or Less

join the CinemaSins team in Nashville for sin week 2023 every year we release extra videos for our sin club members and hold live panels with our friends and fans in person tickets to sin week are available at a discounted rate for the month of December space is limited so head to cinemasins.com cineweek to reserve your spot today the link is in the description [Music] thank you Comcast oh my God they've been planning this from the beginning are they gonna keep doing this with Creatures based on the names here and the illumination title ill lint lion no I feel like I'm playing one of those annoying app games that forced me to find words and devour my soul with ads also subscribe to commercial sense click the Bell like this video it's very hard for me to take this movie seriously when it's trying to show me an AVL agent wanting to catch Bell while wielding finger guns especially when by the end of the movie The anti-villain League will have cool laser blasters now all I care about is how this organization went from finger pistols and flashlights to space weapons guess who stole the map oh no not a map wait why do we care about that all right we don't well maybe after these Freeze Frame introductions give us absolutely no backstory about any of these characters they'll explain it I'm sure it's important and it won't just be a cuff and it leads to another McGuffin Strong Bad destroys the table to express his excitement that the map has arrived does he not have a setting below table smash for when he's happy about something it's almost like he knows his animated character card has appeared on the screen and he must showcase his talents to the Unseen audience is it so hard put the map back in your pocket you know in case there were more instructions on the back these statues eject Flames that produce enough heat to evaporate the massive waterfall above the Flames but not damage the precious fragile elderly human tissue below the Flames for reasons I'm in but I will leave my jet pack behind like a single-use plastic water bottle even though the highly expensive piece of equipment would allow me to hover around and avoid pressure triggered treasure traps all consequences physical emotional or otherwise have now been eliminated from the movie have all these creatures been standing on the roof for centuries or whatever just waiting out weather and boredom for the chance that someday they'd be called upon to up step on its sister why the crew wasn't even closer to the Temple we'll never know well I mean we know it's because it helped the movie build unnecessary tension for wk's escape but it makes no sense for a team of people attempting to steal a powerful weapon to around as the Elder hero jumps onto a noose I will point out that these tech savvy folks know how to create a car that flies and jet packs and why they'd ask a person to risk rope Burns to be hold up is beyond me what a team where's your loyalty loyalty oh please we're villains I can already see you to listen to this movie there's something about there being no honor among Thieves until there is wild Knuckles might as well survive this because he didn't die when he hit that rock with his face so why die now but the movie still feels the need to tease this as if anything matters as much as I'm annoyed by dance Friday disco instead of disco dance Friday I take more issue with the one hour parking right in front of the school in the area that should be clearly marked as a fire zone this teacher writes career day on the board as if the conversation is just starting but it's 309 pm and school presumably lets out at 3 15. only a few kids got to participate sure no you do not on a kid should dream movie whips out a bike like this and expects us to act like Gru isn't the coolest kid in school personally I'd prefer a publicly pecking popcorn like playful poultry to be prohibited bragging about your Supple wrists random red wire and blue wire can be crossed to do some Shenanigans cliche Bello all you want but the minion size mole holds are conveniently minion sized man this ice cream shop where only some of the flavors get the color coordinated treatment people who put their food directly onto the table what is this cheese Ray doing aside from just pissing people off nothing about the properties of canned cheese product makes me believe these people should be stuck in place like this even if it did he just ate a bunch of it so his mouth should be all stuck together as well everyone is eating their ice cream disrespectfully what happened to just licking it a little out of time we have a suckler a dropper a long liquor and whatever this alien is doing with his creamed ice that is certainly illegal in public I don't remember eight track players or how their cassettes work but apparently they could be played in a car that wasn't even on and all music playing technology after 1976 seemed really lame by comparison drawing a middle seat in a goddamn Corvette when everyone knows there is only room for yourself and one in flamed testicle mom Gru does not understand the concept of knocking when that is the writer's fault writers who clearly don't understand the incredible weight on their shoulders to teach children to knock before opening the door to a rhythmically groaning parent crew opens the door and pushes these books aside but how did he stack these books behind the door after he left and don't tell me one of the minions did it do these look like they read or stack things neatly oh so tell me again how Oompa Loompas aren't slaves movie doesn't highlight that this is the most villainous crew does in the entire movie these highly modern braces on a minion supposedly living in a time where Orthodontics dominated enamel to the point of social Suffocation with the power of the zodiac we're gonna take out the anti-villain league but but what if the most powerful villain group chose not to rent out a studio and record a promotion for their villain's plan the answer is that everyone would Gather in the perfect place at the perfect time anyway because this movie does whatever it wants because it assumes that no one will care well I care having five arms would really come in handy throughout the rest of this movie but it never happens again also you never see how Wild managed to do this trick from the front and I am thankful and annoyed all at the same time but first we gotta get my stone back no no first you gotta explain how anyone got into this room let alone out of it my hair is the door animating a child's ass thinking that it is somehow funny for the entertainment of people everywhere this bathroom is huge for this tiny house it's at least the size of the kitchen and I can't tell if I'm mad at the the animators really with Interiors not matching exteriors or that my bathroom growing up was about the same square footage as a Yaris oh out of this tiny teaser thoughts and where did they get so much denim great question but when will someone ask where they also acquired all the double-sided tape to keep the overalls plastered to the shoulders yep because most houses have custom sized windows with which to let in an incredible amount of minions all at once I know the minions or supporters of bad guy things but wasting water is too far water is precious you tiny yellow pieces of banana I was just uh trying out this new invention of mine I call it Sticky Fingers I suppose that is a better name than the goopy grope which only reminds me to ask why no one is concerned Gru has zero adult supervision if you ever get famous remember your first Gadget nefario doesn't also tell Guru remember your success is directly tied to people gifting you things right before you need them so don't forget to consult regularly with every conveniently placed character on your way otherwise you also Dr nefario shows incredible favor to a kid that just walked in off the street gives away an invention and here in a moment he tells crew how to access the secret layer below these moments are orchestrated entirely for those of us who know these two wind up meeting each other in the future but certainly there was a more inventive way to show their initial connection this just makes it seem like a lonely adult with terrible self-esteem attaches himself to a child that I would like to reiterate is without adult supervision the entrance is ominous and dangerous and cool looking at least in a 70s TV anchor so to win but is it practical no and I would argue that for a space regularly housing criminal activity this setup is alarmingly misplanned come back when you done something to impress me okay fake tension in the movie I see you Bella is both open to being impressed later but right now she is too busy even though Gru has an appointment to be there sure the power of flights been so far as it serves to be the well-blazed distraction needed to keep the plot going and giving navigationally written for browsing the store's Wares no matter if the stores wears are even real this organizational system where rock and roll is in at least two sections is such a dick move just keep walking why is this man helping this child that he barely knows does he not want to keep his job working with the vicious six screw is being chased by a group of villains so dangerous they have their own video editing department and Merchandising Wing I'm really wondering why he's not punching the gas instead of pedaling I'll distract them and a little bit Gru will say that he stole the stone which is actually many stones in a gold pendant with the intention of impressively returning it but his life is in danger right now so if he wants to impress them why is he needing to distract anyone why not stop and face the wacky nun and say Bell asked me to impress you all online clearly have now let's talk about my resume Ruby doesn't explain what powers nunchuck has in general let alone the one that allows her to survive this Otto who was just covered in mud from head to toe suddenly has nothing on him it is as if the minions are indestructible seeing chameleon that use Goo Gone as their daily lotion tired when I get home you all better pick up only one of these little guys really failed and maybe the Disco one was annoying but that only requires one or two terminations at most group any more than that is just being dramatic for dramatic's sake and giving a couple of these a reason to learn Kung Fu later did Wild Knuckles have this obnoxiously large house in the middle of San Francisco the entire time or did he build it after his near-death experience either way the vicious five not being aware of this house or at least not stopping by to steal his might be the most unbelievable part of this movie given The Perfect Landing here it's clear that they practice this maneuver before and I find it upsetting that they haven't reinforced the railing to be able to withstand disrespect to the wood like this this henchman caused a fortune in repairs alone this minion enters with a bat to kill Otto just so we remember how many of the characters in this animated movie for kids are willing to resort to murder at the drop of a hat also I've watched the minion be blow torched and survived you think a bat is going to intimidate Auto into remembering why would the minions need to draw a picture of a kid that lives in a house they know how to Funk automatic garage doors are supposed to to be convenient but this one is so committed to the film that it starts opening as they approach the house and conveniently waits for us to cut back from the minions questioning the kid before it decides to finish opening you know so we don't miss anything the that installed a ceiling fan with actual blades sharp enough to cut hair speaking miniones is probably adorable for most people but all I can think of is if someone had told these minions to shut the up it would have saved me 40 minutes of watch time we're coming for you Mr Gru I would be more worried for Gru and groove if I knew what these vehicles were capable of in the first place and I should already know because these should have used these machines the first time they were chasing down their stolen pendant also the Mario Kart vehicle selection screen somehow makes its way into the movie but refuses to Banana when they race all these flights are going to or coming from cities except this one that apparently came from the country of Argentina like it was a subway train making all the local stops then running Express moving inadvertently pitches the idea of a Peruvian Distillery called Saint bread without even considering that this would already be the name of a bakery in Seattle Guardia this animated personification of an Embry-Riddle student's wet dream yep here they go they're wearing pilot uniforms that were crafted from the fabric of imagination good afternoon passengers this is your captain speaking due to turbulence I've turned on the fastened seat belt light and must regretfully inform you that beverage service will be suspended while the minions attempt to break as many federal laws as they can in the next five minutes because it's fun and they like to party or something and add like 20 more because I'm not an expert I'm pretty sure we missed a bunch in that sequence also the 70s for having more leg room on its flights sure they probably didn't have this cartoonish amount of leg room but I knew it was more than I get now and I never got to experience it so also also no one is smoking on the 70s flight it's sort of fun to sit back and realize that we are witnessing the birth of a million children's unfounded fear of airplane toilets also it's not that I want to see butthole but this is where the butthole should be making this a cat's level butthole Erasure this flight time it makes it seem like they took off from Oakland I know there can be congestion on the Bay Bridge but God damn after all that plane nonsense the minions are allowed to disembark without being thrown in jail prosecuted or shot on sight I assume the fancy new water pistols the AVL has at the end are the result of funding being siphoned off the budget of the FAA your minions better get it by Sundown tomorrow because if 48 Hours of disco don't kill you the blade will 48 hours from now it's not going to be tomorrow it's going to be the day after tomorrow and it's also going to be the same time that it is now and according to that window it is not Sundown Otto is pretty far behind the biker but not far enough behind to require the little guy to Traverse multiple climates to catch up especially since he appears to be reaching Dom toretto's speeds during this Pursuit they are all cheering for Otto here and we love it but meanwhile in the background people can evil died you know for the kids this rolly yellow blob of insanity should be mangled by this trolley but magically winds up hanging off the side as of an afterthought on a shopping spree what am I invested in if not the death of adorable creatures what am I supposed to care about of course the trolley stops directly in front of the one place the minions need to find because nothing in this movie is acquired through work or planning everything is handed to them okay sure you're mostly badass but now you've ripped up your punching bag and have to repair or replace it so where's the fun in that these trash paint cans have enough paint to cover the front of a body and enough variety to allow Stewart to go full Peta into a wall let's talk about these goggles earlier mud slipped right off but now paint easily sticks and to make things even more confusing the goggles can apparently be removed so that an eyelid can be painted I thought the goggles were a permanent fixture with the purpose to do something seriously important like keeping their head attached now they can just come free for a beginning exercise one of the goggles for why are they wearing them are they magical this no longer has paint on this person after leaving the last scene and I am very upset at the missed opportunity to have Stewart awkwardly painted like this for the remainder of the movie which may have actually been funny Kung Fu Grandma ex machina I am a master of the ancient Shaolin art of kung fu well that was pretty oh you don't have to brag about it movie misses the clear opportunity for the person farts in a kid's movie cliche and opts to put it here let me fix it now you yeah okay no kicking what sort of terrible teacher gives up on training the new students after only one attempt at kicking better question what sort of terrible teacher considers this a basic kick in the first place her hip is dislocated and she can count the hair circling her ankle with a quick eye level glance this is not basic Stuart being almost knocked into Looney Tunes gave me a flashback to Space Jam it's a bad one oh Dare You Stewart or goddamn children watching holy do they not realize that what children wants they become Jesus the minions having time for this technically makes sense because nothing they do makes sense and if nothing you do makes sense then everything makes sense I think that being said this is still abuse long old man guys come on we're a team where is this door you want to try this one little dude after that long Chase through the desert with all that set up for Otto's big hero Moment the movie goes with the pendant just locking its way back into his hands it's so lucky date kid I'm headed up the coast these two are later seen driving down the coast either these two has bugs stuck in their teeth their hair really anywhere on their person start with the pool what pool you showed us the backyard 10 minutes ago and there was no pool holy why is this movie so dumb I got you wear your helpful extra arms now old man hmm where are they being addicted to Redwoods also this kicks off a second training montage where the minions will learn everything they need to know to defeat the vicious 5 without ever learning anything they need to know to defeat the vicious fight because every random person has a massive safe ready to drop from the ceiling Acme style they're dead Unfortunately they are not discount shape of water dude doesn't have a bigger role in this movie was the plan for Gru to go up to the safe and just accidental his way into it he looks Zooms in on the key and the guard's back pocket as if it were an afterthought and acts like the bringing along of the goopy device was just a coincidental bonus and what if the trash can weren't by the door do something my life is flashing before my eyes no one in this room not even the evil tellers that work at an evil Bank filled with e-villains that were definitely trained for this see the green goo shooting across the room or question the suspiciously dramatic Patron who demands someone looking at his boo-boo Gru took the Mona Lisa from The Vault and put it in a tiny backpack and this is really upsetting considering they never use their magical bag of holding for any other nefarious purposes for the rest of the movie something Big's going down in Frisco said after seeing just two vehicles with lights and Sirens sure San Francisco is a big city so saying this at any moment is likely to be at least somewhat true but it doesn't make sense based solely on the evidence at hand also these two see fireworks over the massive City and not only somehow find their way to the source but also arrive through traffic fast enough for the fireworks to still be popping and they found a parking spot Otto walks out in front of the stilt Walkers and none of them instinctively react to the yellow mobile obstruction in the road that could cause them to fall and break their legs my friend you are now going to learn from the old school which isn't that impressive would you consider the old school guy didn't notice his house was 99 demolished before arriving at the door wild Knuckles is understandably upset with his previous allies for destroying his home but look at the bright side every level of the house Came Crashing Down the ground level but then they also cleared out the debris pile so that you could still easily walk across the floor that's real friendship this article is nothing more than an acid trip brembling about a bluebird Caribou so the sin is always it's nature you're just a little kid it's over go home I think wild Knuckles forgot that he kidnapped Gru and probably needs to give him a ride back home also despite nothing changing other than his house being demolished by the exact who do this sort of thing wild Knuckles gets all sad and pushes grew away because a third Act without contrived tension really using a third act at all I guess did you forget what time it is [Music] okay Nate it's the new year but how did Belle know which time zone would kick off the magic also how does this pendant know which people to transform there are 12 zodiacs but only the five very specific plot-centered villains transform somehow someone managed to tie tiny knots with their big old monster paw Claws and I call Bulls enjoy being torn apart choosing this slow ass murder method instead of using your dragon form to immediately light him on fire why don't we make this a fair fight but why she's an evil person that wants to slowly tear a child to pieces for stealing an artifact meant to impress her because she asked to be impressed this is not the sort of character that would give away zodiac powers to an enemy no you thought I was serious you were serious you did turn them into something else what is highly confusing is how she has the power to give them just enough power to make them only slightly less intimidating than a cheap toy at a zodiac tour shop you can destroy everything I own but I will not let you hurt that kid which is why I strolled over here as if arriving 10 minutes early for my colonoscop could be appointments so I could complete paperwork and read up on the long-term side effects of Miralax okay this Army this Army is not immediately eaten by this Army that is not how eggs work at least I hope not this is also not how eggs work Stewart has only been a chicken for a few minutes but it's not nearly enough time for this chick to be full term unless Stewart was pregnant the entire time in which case the sin is Master Chow kicking them in the face earlier this disappointing moment when the minions seem to revert back to having no useful Powers whatsoever it's like after the performance enhancer wears down and your partner gives you that look that says oh it's you again when this is the other you coming back the Zodiac stone is just point and click huh no training no spells nothing the little guy stays a baby chicken minion even after they all transform back into normal minions and the movie just wants us to assume this is because life finds a way touching someone's waddle without explicit consent don't worry about me kid if a human could live through a direct Dragon Fireball to the face I don't think Gru should be concerned about anything this shows up to his own fake funeral wearing his signature clothing and things tucking behind a tree is going to help I'm going to be the best villain ever because of you you movie reminds us that this is the quasi-origan story of a bad guy and makes us question whether or not we should have been rooting for his success during any point in the movie find your tribe and never ever let them go it grew really had internalized this lesson at this stage in his life then why was the whole first movie about him learning to embrace the orphan children all of this happens within 20 feet of the Grave which is surrounded by people and no one notices the body desecration happening well there's no actual body to desecrate but they wouldn't know that all right all right fine stop with a face I'm in without asking how a child is going to pay your wages in the past few minutes we've seen kid grew with two elderly villains without anyone wondering where Gru's parent is where is his mother wanna say something cool so Gru was just gifted his Millennium Falcon I was hoping he would have at least won it in a card game or something earlier we were asked to believe that people went down an elevator to the secret lair where would that Elevator Shaft be if the entirety of the area below the shop is dedicated as a hanger for an airship big fat big pot but how would group be considered the big boss at all he'd stole a pendant using someone else's technology he stole a painting he was in someone else's technology he had to be rescued by other people throughout the movie and is currently leaving the city in a ship designed by someone else he's never been the Mastermind and arguably the only big boss thing he ever did was jump into a pool a bag of crocodiles to rip his hero free and that was a fever dream because there was never a goddamn pool in the backyard to begin with foreign [Applause] [Music] can I watch you guys kissing hello beautiful [Music] look at your eyes Marion don't look at it no matter what happens The Vicious sex will be the most powerful villains on the planet can you dig it no man but you got to keep going what am I gonna do quit that's not an option you got to keep on keeping on Life's a garden dig it you make it work for you you never give up man that's my philosophy know why they call him because he had a light touch you're in luck I have a first pressing the weapons you recovered in Belarus were confirmed to be VX nerve gas capable of devastating a major city how did you do that I used to decorate the cakes down at the bakery many fight ing fight why are you wearing glasses glasses where's bill

Channel: CinemaSins

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Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, minions, rise of gru, gru, minions rise of gru, minions rise of gru review, minions rise of gru reaction, minions rise of gru sins, minions sins, despicable me sins, minions rise of gru outtakes, minions movies

Id: R4m2BROuaEg

Length: 23min 1sec (1381 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 08 2022