Everything Wrong With Spider-Man: Far From Home In Tingle Minutes

[Music] at this point I bet Audi is paid for 10% of the entire MCU budget with their oppressive product placement in these movies what are we fighting the weather now locals say the cyclone had a face people see things when they're under stress like a giant green Hulk or Norse God who wields a hammer or a woman in black spandex wielding a Glock I'm just saying with the superheroes and villains that exist is a weather monster that far out of the box you just need to chill he'll 36 seconds of Marvel logo a minute and 47 seconds into the movie and after we had to sit through 32 seconds of Sony getting the upper hand logos at the beginning of the movie gone but not forgotten this year has been nothing short of it is crazy it's like insane why is the school news station doing an in memoriam about the dead Avengers at the end of an entire school year would this have been something they broadcast on the first day of school closer to the actual deaths over five years ago half of all life in the universe again why is this being discussed on the last day of school nearly a year after the unsnap wouldn't high school students of all people have gotten beyond that early in the school year and this last day newscast will be about college and valedictorian and you know regular high school it makes for a good expositional dump but it makes no sense in context eight months ago a band of brave heroes brought us back still calling both on no one appearing in the exact same space as another human being causing some weird mutation strength but at least the movie chose to show the gym scene in the scenario as opposed to what happened in the men's room they called it the blimp Comic Sans also this movie basically ignores the blip except for this one 60-second news broadcast which is probably because the filmmakers were told the details of endgame but ends up feeling like they didn't care about the events of endgame I mean buy her a Black Dahlia necklace mom is her favorite flower is the Black Dahlia because of well the murder the murder MJ is aa dater at your own risk dude I see this ending badly if she's picking favorite flowers based on her favorite murder or even has a favorite murder I may not know much but I do know this Europeans love Americans um you might want to check that map according to the published and certified Love Actually documentation it's Americans who love Europeans by the way travel tip you should probably download a VPN on your phone just so that the government can't track you what we're abroad conspiracy theorists when I lift back to my apartment the family that was living there was very confused I'm sure and just imagine all the people that flip back in the middle of the ocean because they were on a boat or landed on the third rail and died because they had been in a subway car and you know there were some people mid orgasm how'd that work out for them Jesus I think I want a series of movies on various people that flip back maybe not the orgasm people can't be said enough I hate hate hate spider-man wearing an iron suit yes it does happen in the comics who nerds but it's relatively brief and this is the second movie he's worn this student and it's just not spider-man when he's in an iron armor that masks CGI off his head looks insanely stupid I just want him to pull his mask off is that asking too much you sent Nick Fury to voicemail yeah you don't sit in a period of voicemail you do that I send everyone a voicemail Brad Bird could call me and tell me Disney picked up the rights to my books and he wants to direct them and he would still be saying all that to my voice mailbox part of it is that I'm half deaf and I don't hear one and my phone transcribed voicemails to me almost instantly the other part is that I get so many calls from scammers asshat salesmen and family members that I am mathematically better off not answering any calls and math ain't never done line to be once I thought that you could sense that with your Peter tinkle hey we forgot to mention spidey sense in the first movie so we'll just have a banana and the face gag here so you don't think we're complete idiots how would he be able to pack that even if he wanted to I'm assuming that giant charging port would have to come with it good luck explaining that at the airport before boarding an international flight this looks like a regular airplane but look closer and you will see that absolutely no one in coach is wishing they were dead right now flash makes fun of Peter about being on an airplane but also flashes in first-class and yeah he's rich but what kind of a school trip lets individual rich students upgrade the first class on their own he blip so technically he's 16 not 21 man isn't that what his ID would say they most certainly would have checked before serving him heart of iron part of iron they made a Tony Stark documentary and they chose the title heart of iron not stark realities why not the MCU or dead [ __ ] now revered or Tony Tony Tony someone falls asleep on a trip and puts their head on the lap or shoulder of another character and it's awkward cliche yeah hold on in common so we're boyfriend/girlfriend now that was fast I know that's the joke but still an eight-hour flight feels more like an excuse to get Peter alone for more of this film and as such it works whatever happened to being an American bachelor in Europe Peter those were the words of a boy that boy met a woman Ned is a little too Manny Delgado in this movie for my taste there's nothing in there I swear yeah it usually works with customs agents also why wouldn't Aunt May shove that suit under some clothes or something she knows this is a secret identity so her disregard for Secrets here makes no sense are you telling me that in eight months since the unblinking airports and public buildings worldwide of all unanimously decided to deify tony stark and massive artwork displays do you have any idea how long it takes a government to make a decision eight months can a master painter even finish a portrait this size in that amount of time you have two adults on this student trip and you're not going with them to the museum you're letting them find their own way in Venice without an adult what am I watching what is this Martin Starr is a great comic actor but physical comedy isn't necessarily for everyone he had a good couple moments at homecoming and now this movie is tripling down on that teacher you laughed at last time so we'd get him falling asleep on Peter telling marriage sob stories to Peter and now aping mr. bean oh it's the most perfect word in the world the times created it and I just discovered it what does it mean that's the thing not sure how that's cool or helpful how would anyone know which version of the word bow you're using smurfing Italians also this boat never comes back again or is referred to throughout the rest of the movie it's literally just filling and killing time with a word that means nothing oh it was my new superpower it's like the anti Aloha I'm pretty sure the movie Aloha was the anti Aloha I guess you could suspend my disbelief enough to believe that Mysterio would have his theatrics staged in Venice when Peter is there because well Peter is there except I don't know how he would know at this point that Peter is also spider-man but regardless I'm calling [ __ ] that he would know Peter would be at this exact place at the time he did this so the whole scenario was built on an Italian river of lies in all seriousness what do you think that was gonna accomplish does Peter often swing on his web by connecting them to the Hudson River I know people are running for their lives but you're telling me no one sees this it's broad daylight man and there are so many no one sees this moments later in this movie I'm giving it five sins right here and now to cover them all what it means close to win November you didn't check the website oh that's a good idea too much teacher screwball prop comedy and a spider-man movie there's comedy and then there's emo Peter dancing to staying alive and while you're not in that territory you're closer than I would like you to be that guy I don't know he's kicking that water's ass pretty intense scene all too bad we've already seen too much better versions of this scene with the train scene in spider-man 2 and the boat scene and spider-man homecoming and too much better movies I could add and I think I would listen it says there's a sailor named Morris Ben she was exposed to experimental underwater generator and got hydro powers movie uses a likeness to a character from the comics called hydro man but it is an actually hydro man however movie has flash talked about the over to the Morris bench aka hydro man from the comics anyways he just shot Ned just a mild tranquilizer he'll be alright sure but what if he'd fallen on the side of his neck with the tranq dart wouldn't it have then shoved the whole thing further into his neck and caused medical problems and I tried to bring you here you avoided me and now you're here what a coincidence wait what's this a coincidence this movie doesn't even know it's coincidences from its contrivances another person touches that door you and I going to attend another funeral how does Peter have any control over that there are multiple realities Peter this is earth to mention six one six I'm from Earth eight three three because spider-man to the spider-verse exists the viewer accepts the idea of multiple universes but in this world the multiverse hasn't been explored yet and it seems like Nick Fury would be on a Mysterio from the beginning or simply call Doctor Strange and ask if this is legit because the story is suspicious as hell don't ever apologize for being smartest one in the room the Zuckerberg family motto I mean I'm just a friendly neighborhood spider-man sir it's please you've been to space okay okay I will leave don't invoke her name why not and for something like this that could destroy the world why wouldn't you use Captain Marvel she's stronger than everyone and everything I really gave him hell I was crying the name of this road in English translates to nobody nope wrote the French call it lay no Peter waited so long to put on these stark glasses that I actually had forgotten all about them why would a high school kid like Peter wait so long to see what a now dad Tony Stark left for I'm shocked he didn't put them on as soon as they were handed to him come to think of it I have access to the entire Stark global security network including multiple defense satellites as well as backdoors to all major telecommunication networks holy God goggles Batman this is a hell of a thing considering her insistence he get naked to try on the suit is only in story service of giving Peters rival something to use against him with MJ but in addition to that this should be creepy it's played for laughs but it's a grown woman demanding a teenager take off his clothes you couldn't think of any better ways to give the rival leverage than this initiating strike initiating what now intercept point determined releasing field vehicle peter has already played this game with his first Spidey suit Tony gave it he should have known as soon as Edith said target this is what he was asking her to do also I don't care who Tony Stark is it is insane to think he would just have a weaponized satellite in the sky and it could be initiated by someone not understanding a question I am no science guy I'm and I don't think that's how a momentum works once Peter exits the vehicle he still has forward momentum but begins to immediately slow comparable to the bus itself which continues at the same speed all I'm saying is Peter should either have landed back on the roof of the van behind the opening or at least dinged the edge of the opening on his way back down it's clear to me that you were not ready for this to be fair he told you that in Venice also isn't this yet another rehash of homecoming with fury taking the place of Tony is this what we get to look forward to and all these MCU spider-man films someone will tell him he's not ready to fight the big fight and then he'll do it anyway and come out on top it's like multiple versions of rocky 3 lucky for us we got the best seats in the house from here on out I'm shortening too much teacher to TMT it will save me an entire syllable and at this point I will take every ounce of save breath over this movie that I can get also you see next means zendaya is adorable in this movie but all I'm saying is don't watch the entirety of euphoria on HBO right before you watch her in this movie because it will be a jarring juxtaposition also jarring juxtaposition is also a an edgier name and chef circles for the surf and turf be what my college girlfriend called sex see the name of my cousin's jazz core band or D ones perception of marriage prior to and immediately after the wedding ceremony and in Peter whatever you do please steer the monster away from the eyebrows you ned oh no and now so does Betty because she's right behind you and net is not using an inside voice I would totally kiss you think I just threw up in my mouth a little you did yet throw up in your mouth a little how do you not know for sure whether or not you threw up in your mouth here's where her dad from the nice guys would chide her don't see I think just to fill space in a sentence but also there's not a teenage male alive that would let a little vomit get in the way of some action Joyce assumes I hear you can get with this or you can get with that you can get with this or you can get with that you can get with this or you can get with that I think I'll get with this cuz this is where it's at this scene where Peter gives his God goggles to Mysterio willingly his spidey sense failed him bro this movie makes it seem later like he's been struggling for a while with using the Peter tingle but other than that banana boy I can't find much early movie evidence of this and I suspect it was largely left on the cutting room floor because maybe he didn't trust me to have Edith he just trusted me to pick who shoot I mean maybe but my guess is he wasn't expecting you to pick some Rando you met a couple days ago Peter might as well be given the glasses to flash you stopped the elementals you saved my life you saved the world Peter isn't this dumb though like I get that he's grieving Tony and maybe not at the top of his game but even if the spidey senses came over Peters own brain should be ringing all the bells right now you should start would have really liked you have you forgotten how good a judge of character Tony Stark was he'd have seen through this [ __ ] way back in Venice and he would have hated a guy that pretends to be a hero through illusions rather than truly doing heroic stuff to the man who brought us all together our former boss Tony Stark and seriously youmu me this is now - spider-man villains in a row that have been turned into essentially Ironman villains that spider-man has to fight is it asking too goddamn much to have a spider-man movie be a spider-man movie maybe Sony should take the back over also Mysterio is essentially the Mandarin all over again a rather cool character who has literally been acting the whole time and is uninteresting as hell when his true colors shine so way to go far from home near the Iron Man 3 of spider-man movies but also world's longest toast ever 611 million dollars for my little therapeutic experiment I haven't seen this kind of character of the shadows retconning since the last Saw movie Tampa science we're leaving because of witches that's what just that's what it said on the news and the news never lies the news that the news never lies about the news is fake news oh good thing MJ happen to be right by the drone projector that Peter caught in his webbing and they could have this awkward conversation on the bridge because then Peter would never find out quitting Becca's a fake and a bad guy and this movie relies on way too much coincidental coincidences I mean that Helen Reynolds her fake there was fire and destruction who would do something like that hmm Peter who would do that God this movie makes Peter Parker dumber than a box of rocks I am trying to fool seven billion people here including Nick Fury who happens to be the most paranoid and most dangerous person on the planet not true the most paranoid person on the planet is clearly Kanye West and the most dangerous person on the planet is clearly Kanye West I realized he didn't have a lot of options since he can't fly but that is a four and a half hour train ride he just took from Prague to Berlin and I'm just saying all the evil could be done already about the time he gets there and I wouldn't be surprised in case you confused it with Berlin New Hampshire I just can't give enough sins for this movie wants to excuse as the work of drones that could never be the work of drones at Ted now I created the Serio to give the world someone to believe in you created Mysterio to be poison if you were good enough maybe Tony would still be alive but Tony's death and endgame wasn't Peters fault look this sequence is visually arresting and that's worth praise but it's undercut by the knowledge that all of this is being done by drones which is hilariously impossible it's easy to fool people when are you fooling themselves what does that even mean at least in the context of this movie you fool Peter just now because you have look-alike drones not because Peter was out here bring up his own mind with needless quandary but for what it's worth Peter I really am sorry terrific train timing when and how did they plan this okay we'll come pick you up in the Netherlands we'll meet you at the edge of that one large field of flowers you're never gonna be Iron Man good for the love of God skip you're the head of security and your password is password I don't feel good about it either movie it's time for this how does a kid as pop-culture savvy as Peter was an infinity war and homecoming mistake ac/dc for Led Zeppelin or is the movie making a joke about his probable concussion okay people no Avengers coming we're good to go but why aren't any Avengers coming fury has already decided he can't rely on spider-man so why couldn't he call someone Falcon rhodium Doctor Strange asbestos lady it's literally not a spider-man movie if his love interest isn't in danger and needing him to rescue them like Power Rangers you're taking a boat ride do you think they were making all this up as they went about filming it are you ready for anything then she went to the roof with a bazooka man saves him when the drone appears and it's going to kill him and I guess they knew about the drones already from Happy's warning regardless I'm more curious how be ready for anything became shorthand for one of these drones is definitely gonna show up outside this window and try and kill me so you should go to the roof with a shoulder rocket ETS give me some protection copy if Beck has eat it I'm not sure why he even needs the drones anymore he has an entire satellite of weaponry at his disposal to do whatever he wants can we get some villains with at least a little more creativity than the Batman Forever Riddler that's all I ask [Music] this movie is a lot more Jurassic world fallen Kingdom than I think they were going forward thank God I bought us some time and apparently some amazing earpieces Pappy and the kids are in a goddamn vault still able to communicate with Peter spider-man does some stuff but I'm not honestly sure what any of it was I'm sure it was awesome and devastating to the drones but I need a transcript of the events to know what that just happened gee I wonder what this bridge is it's London Bridge right great no webs that seems unnecessary he just started using this suit he used up all his webbing already why do you have to strip him of one of his tools with the job in order for the finale to have steaks nobody dies on my watch I mean technically Ironman is my life playing video games this confession right before we die trope has been done before and to death but probably never better than an almost famous hook that was badass Wow Peter went from struggling with his Peter tingle to seeing blind like daredevil I'm calling bull if it was so easy all he had to do was wish for it a little bit then why the struggle to use it before now you're in the strike zone the chance of fire Oh groans this guy's even dumber than Kent Mansley sorry it's broken I actually like it better broken of course you do secret identity shadowing little jolt mother not make it holy this is a dark final beat for Flash Thompson almost like they might be setting him up for something more antagonist in the next installment what is that on the white plate on the end table next to ant-man is it sushi a peppermint stick biscotti a skinny breakfast burrito with ketchup drizzle on top white chocolate pretzel with raspberry it's very very tacky for some reason here's an army weaponized drone star technology but who's gonna believe all this there should be tons of citizen and surveillance video of the Tower Bridge attack London is one of the most heavily surveilled cities in existence and spider-man clearly beat the hell out of some drones and people will figure out the video is doctored even before all the video evidences on earth this is a book it is my point and here's Jay jonah jameson back down as an online news pundit because i guess they felt the same way about JK Simmons in this role as they did James Earl Jones in the role of fossa which is that no one could ever replace them but it breaks continuity pulls me out of the movie and Karl Urban or Timothy Olyphant could have pulled off a slightly new different take on the character just fine also does this mean this movie is in the same universes Sam Raimi spider-man movies because it kind of does even though they will tell you it does not so fury and he'll movie we're actually these two Klingons from the Captain Marvel movie bump up bomb but that's stupid Fury's on vacation guys this is lame it also sort of suggests you might still end up doing that thing or anyone at any time the N see you might be a scroll which would be a huge cop-out Cody didn't die it was scroll Tony my salmon don't swim upstream the way they're supposed to ever since cinemasins began the most requested thing has been TV since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check it out and now the audio outtakes excited about the science trip hey uh yeah we're just talking about the trip as our losers but then why do you sit with us cuz I don't have any friends should probably download a VPN on your phone just so that the government can track to you what we're abroad will do she's got the crazy eyes the ponies because I thought that was just theoretical I mean that completely changes how we understand the initial singularity the battle station is heavily shielded and carries a firepower greater than half the Starfleet I'm sorry you say Krog I've been to Prague well I haven't been to Prague been to Prague but I know that thing I know that stop shaving your armpits and read The Unbearable Lightness of being fall in love with a sculptor now I realize how bad American coffee is thing from Peter Parker I need your clothes your boots and your motorcycle it's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man [Applause] everyone bigger than us [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 4,013,129

Rating: 4.7529912 out of 5

Keywords: spiderman, spider-man, far from home, spider-man: far from home, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, mistakes, review, wave jockey job

Id: OQYyhDAVwbA

Length: 19min 41sec (1181 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 17 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Castriff]

You introduced the acronym TMT for "too much teacher," but then... I don't think you used it again? Guess that's an editing mistake. This video is a lot like the movie in that way: likeable, but slightly messy.

[u/firebun12]

It's convenient that everyone that was in homecoming was effected by the snap.

[u/BionicTriforce]

At 3:50, no, that's not what his ID would say. An ID doesn't say 'This person is 21', an ID says 'This person was born on this specific date'. So his ID's birth date shows a date from 21 years ago, not 16 years ago.

[u/Minya_Nouvelle]

I would have sinned Peter's meme sleeping shirt about finding the "X".

[u/ROBOT_B9]

"Tingle" minutes? What does that creepy elf-man from Zelda have to do with this movie? /s