Everything Wrong With Ice Age: The Meltdown In 17 Minutes Or Less

[Music] like 21st century disney am i right this entire logo is a lie not even sure those are actual spotlights so wait you're telling me that scrat knew there was an acorn this high up on a mountain isn't there a point where your body tells your brain man i'm hungry but i ain't that hungry filming in portrait instead of landscape and then trying to hide it by turning it on its side also i get that we are playing fast and loose with gravity at this point but if this is truly a sheer vertical surface how is scratch staying upright in moments like this or this also also at this point is it just implied that scrat is [ __ ] this acorn well it's true that prehistoric squirrels were notoriously afraid of running water why would scrat spend his time plugging these holes instead of re-soloing up the rest of this cliff with this precious acorn is that helium water why is the water making him float i feel like we should just apply an inconsistent cartoon physics tax rate of seven percent and move on he survives this and this and this and this and this also i could probably say this every time we see scrap scratch survives this is definitely the title of one of the 374 scratch short films that have been made so far truthfully i'd rather be watching the one where he decided to get an acorn tattoo so he wouldn't have to chase it anymore but then it kept moving around his body to places he couldn't see it i think that was called scrata what would it take to make you happy you gotta hand it to climate change it's such a prankster it's almost as hilarious as jared leto on the set of suicide squad hate to break it to you kids but i'm going to tell you the hard truth that the movie won't at least half of these cute fish were definitely eaten off screen hey it's my turn to hit the slope hey hey whoa who said you kids could torture the slog i think his name was john doe question why does the borough go home why doesn't he stay with the rabbits prehistoric cinema sins barrel is a demeaning name technically it's called a wild ass i mean donkey works too but i get it you want your ass joke plus technically it's an excuse asanas and there's just enough ass in us to point that out see you can have your ass joke and eat it too wait also just because you know that fact doesn't give you the right to say the b word one big happy family that's the way it's supposed to be then where's your big happy family and that's the story of the first ever straw man argument boys and girls i'm talking about you being the last of your kind ah your breath smells like ants add jump hominems jump jump jump sorry imagine dennis leary apologizing for being an [ __ ] the next thing you know he'll be wandering around during summer time saying how about this heat this pan out reveal sure is dramatic but it certainly makes you wonder how that volume of water is only resulting in a single tiny waterfall sure it's dam-shaped snow but it's snow also how did a full-grown william mammoth climb up here in the first place ah go suck air through a reed what's so goddamn funny i know this is for kids but nearly every insult i've heard in this movie so far is terrible hey bob how do we convey that these animals are like our animals but prehistoric two words jim face antlers that's why you're the genius bob there is some good news though the more of you die the better i eat then why tell them where they can go to save themselves why not keep this to yourself damn guys the beaver said damn while looking at a dam and he's a beaver best damn humor ever also because the subtitles say he said damn how many people watching this really thought the bieber said that instead of damn because if you look at what he's looking at does this register as a damn to you even if it does why would you just say the word damn in this way it's the equivalent of looking at a shoe and saying newbie gives character esp to build the tension around something they truly could never have known about otherwise bullsh i mean cliche jesus christ this movie is really moving at a glacial pace manny really thinks there's something weird about this ice because it's making noises or something but once he turns to follow diego does that mean he can never turn his head again like it's mere seconds away from revealing its song of ice and fire also are we supposed to believe this creature was making all that noise even though it's still immobile from being trapped in the ice somewhere in the annals of film history some icehole assumed that audiences would just passively accept that living things frozen in ice would survive because ice and this sin is for the fact that they were apparently right i was born in this hole and i'll die in this hole womb regression therapy don't worry buddy i know it seems like a lot but there's a tuft of lion hair in there that will alert a mystical mandrel that the king still lives it's a super important addition to a movie that absolutely needed to be remade and i'm in no way still so mad about it that i'm adding sins to completely unrelated movies out of spite i think this is supposed to be a prehistoric aardvark or maybe even an anteater but either way those animals do not have trunks they have elongated mouth snouts and this creature should be drowning right now sorry to turn this into a sixth grade biology class but just a reminder that turtles don't live in their shells they are their shell it's an integrated part of the skeleton not a hollow living environment remember how pixar used to premiere short film before their movies well apparently fox animation saw that and said what if we just inserted several scratch short films inside the movie to pad the runtime though if i'm honest i'd much rather be watching the one where he chased an acorn around the world and made an important scientific discovery i think it was called scrap earthers society oh that's hilarious the mammoth the tiger and the sloth all thought this gassy camel was the call of another mammoth like animals born with supreme instincts mistook this bull for a mammoth call all because the movie wanted a fart joke sorry my stomach hates me we all do mr fart joke diarrhea beast we all do where are these leaves falling from considering we haven't seen a single non-coniferous tree in this entire forest the only reason why many even cared about there being another mammoth is because some [ __ ] kid asked where his big happy family was and then just when he's about to get real sad about it here's a female just hanging around in a screenwriter's giving tree usually we come out at night so birds don't carry us off movie thinks this mammoth thinks it's a possum thing is cute but movie is wrong ellie's obliviousness on this topic for the next 20 minutes just make her seem like a mammoth idiot manny brink of extinction's a bad time to be picky dating advice in the year 2020. i'd rather be roadkill how is this a concept that these two are even aware of roads where they're going they don't even have roads movie has entirely too much time for this i thought that guys are supposed to be charlie that's racist seriously we all love scrap but did you really think you were gonna get three different scrap moments in the first 30 minutes of the movie and i'm just sitting here wishing i was watching the one where he rolls the letter a and can't think of anything for the topic things you want to eat that fall from an oak tree i think it's titled playing scattergories are you ma'am you look like a big fat hairy beast man this fast tony character is just delightful where's his spin-off moving this yak clearly has dangly ears except when it doesn't you're right they're the same you must be part possum well if manny is part possum this movie is full on tiresome why does a crocodile thing swim past sid did he have a deal with his buddy not to touch him because he called dibs honestly even if the ichthyosaur didn't get stopped by manny's tusks i'm not entirely sure this would have been a kill shot anyway what was the plan for this attack so wait are they done attacking now because manny got a lucky break are they going to make half-time adjustments is the coach going to make a speech where one guy starts clapping and everybody joins him in unison also considering the wide amounts of land that's been traversed i'm still confused how these two even got here also also why are these creatures necessarily evils because they don't have a stand-up comics voice they're just hungry lots of it happens in the wild how are they really villains maybe manas are going extinct because they put themselves in danger too often please point out exactly where manny put himself in danger in that last scene he fended off an attack he didn't jump down in the water to wrestle those guys he was standing on a block of ice hoping not to get eaten movies seriously making it sound like manny tried to be a badass in that last scene fine but we're living in a melting world buddy you're gonna have to face your fear sooner or later i'm gonna go with sooner as it already happened considering you hunted that poor mom and her baby through that river in the first movie with no hesitation wow these piranhas basically mario world scratch to safety while trying to eat him okay so the piranha with the acorn in its mouth is the one on scratch's left paw he punches that one with the one on his right paw sending him all the way to the edge of the right side of the screen the one on his right paw gets slammed down near the water which i will remind you is not the piranha with the acorn in its mouth but when scratch jumps on it that's the one that spits out the acorn and that's how lies are told pull back the tree and shoot me into the pond is it just me or were they trying to get out of the valley fast because of the imminent melting ice that was going to cover them in water this possum sings i believe i can fly in a kid's movie in 2006 and don't tell me i didn't know why that was problematic even then besides this is a cheap go-to song about flying when you had dozens of other songs to choose from also if a movie is 100 filler does become a philly because this philly is getting super annoying so what's holding you back lack of chemistry shared experiences i haven't seen a romance this forced since hermione and ron oh man the place triggers a flashback where ellie finds out that she's manny's sister i will take off all the sins i hate to be the bearer of bad news here but the typical possum lifespan is two to four years and wooly mammoths are thought to have had the same lifespan as modern-day elephants so about 60 years so the only way any of this backstory makes any sense is if ellie has watched several generations of her possum brother and age and die and she's grown up she's existed in a three-year cycle of death and mourning that has scarred her fragile psyche burying brother after brother and leaving her in a constant state at an island delusion i'm just saying ellie's going to snap soon and i'm here for it because as far as mammoths go you're ah prehistoric scam when we last left scrat a hawk stole his acorn and took it off to its nest supposedly because it needed it for comedy purposes i don't know it's kind of dumb that a hawk stole the acorn and didn't do anything with it i mean do we really believe a baby hawk is going to eat a goddamn acorn no it's not was there any reason to destroy your home when throwing the squirrel out of it those in grass houses shouldn't throw squirrels never became a same because you can literally throw a squirrel in nearly infinite directions that doesn't rip a hole in it boy manny sure took a big leap with ellie today sure did do you guys have any purpose in this movie other than talking about manny's love life oh sure they can have discussions concerning the extremely dramatic subplot about diego's inability to swim but we all know that diego is going to pass that test without a single swimming lesson later so it's pointless this diego faces his fear of water b plot is so forced it should be on a network sitcom i was just saying that it's our responsibility it's my duty to rock that booty defense also the fact that the central conceit of this children's entertainment revolves around mammoth king is delightfully sinful ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to save your species i guess this movie that has more pointless walking in it than the lord of the rings trilogy had to come up with something that sounded like a conflict so now the mammoths are fighting manny should know better than to try the save our species line so early in the relationship i once tried that on a woman at steak and shake and got our leftovers from waffle house thrown in my face everything seemed so perfect earlier in the evening when we met at crystal nice so there's always a bruce almighty moon to silhouette you anytime you find yourself standing on a completely implausible rock tower ellie lock trunks this works so this possum has the strength to not only hold on to the rock on the other side but also stop the moving rock is this vulture really following them is the movie really saying that these are the only animals he can possibly eat surely there are other animals who never got the message about the impending flood that he can pick off more easily sloth napping a sloth napping can i help you we're an hour in and the movie is still adding new plots to pad the time this may be like the h plot at this point and they need to slow down because they will run out of letters in the alphabet eventually but why are they worshiping him when they all look like this hey me also this whole fire king segment lasts for four minutes and means absolutely nothing for this moment or when it's brought back later is anyone else getting increasingly angry that fox basically stitched together about 20 random unrelated ideas into a fourth sequel and made over 660 million dollars on that escaping the valley so that everyone didn't drown seemed so important earlier in the movie as it turns out the natives that were worshiping you are going to sacrifice you cliche together we can look for a solution we have one sacrifice the fire king so wait did you guys know that sid would be anywhere near here just before your time of need is there a prophecy you guys must have been stunned when you randomly stumbled on the fire king just a few miles away from your home i guess it's possible that you invented this fire king business as soon as you saw sid but it looks like your entire society revolves around the rock shaped like his head i'm trying to figure out how this society existed in function before the screenwriter thought of it and my guess is that it didn't oh good thing the religious sloth society tied a conveniently unraveling rope on sid so that it would catch onto a jagged piece of rock and save him from falling in this lava and bungee him to safety as regular ass ropes are known to do they just sit there watching us i'm not sure why since i thought vultures only got interested when the animal is dead or clearly about to die and if there's a society of sloths hanging out around here there have got to be more animals they could pick on than just the protagonists of this movie food glorious food we're anxious to try it this carry-ons for some time and why are they being so helpful see it's just like the lion king but instead of a musical it's just a random song and instead of original music it's a lame rip-off of an oliver song that was parodied better by the american dairy association and an 80s commercial for cheese oh you mean the geysers started just now like this very moment after they already celebrated and everything where are the vultures now isn't this what they've been waiting for i just did something involuntary and messy wet dreams you know how in most movies when the protagonist flashes back to moments echoing from their past everything adds up and a revelation occurs that changes them forever yeah here it's just more of a smattering of random lines with the hope that you'll catch some emotions based on sheer pavlovian response and now they are back with the animals they left with plus a massive amount more all of which they were somehow completely separated from for the entire middle part of the journey for reasons all unattended children will be eaten did you miss the fully cooked chicken near the geyser area a minute ago this vulture is confusing you can't consider them threats at all since they only eat dead animals but that's exactly what the movie thinks they are this hawk still hasn't done anything with the acorn i guess she was just being a dick why'd she take it if she wasn't gonna feed it to her kid or use it for anything i don't see her anywhere maybe she's already on board why would you think that she went the long way around even if she got there ahead of you guys she still would have had to get in line to know his arc and you'd have seen her by now deus ex rockingham oh yeah remember cbop and crocsteady our heroes encountered them one time about 45 minutes ago we as an audience know absolutely nothing about them but they are back for this finale because every movie needs villains i guess oh thank you i'm so glad diego learned to swim on his first try and under intense circumstances i was really worried about it being a major problem in this movie glad i invested so much time in diego swimming prowess so did the sea creature crew swim all the way down here just to get revenge or were they taken here by the flood i find it really hard to believe these [ __ ] found exactly the prey they were looking for considering all the [ __ ] that's happened in this movie this is a very specific place for those [ __ ] to just show up a mammoth is somehow winning against the sea creatures in their natural habitat and i'm not even sure a mammoth can swim much less bruce lee a bunch of sea creatures underwater manny has now held his breath under water for nearly a whole goddamn minute and that's including all the karate and the fact that he's a multi-ton mammoth yep pretty awesome now they can save the species and thanks to their brave journey you can still see millions of woolly mammoths today now that we see the ark or whatever they're calling it in this movie how did rumors start about a boat when it's clear just a hollowed-out treat and not just any tree it's a tree that can hold hundreds of the hugest animals known to man i feel like the movie is saying noah's ark was real but it's not what you think and we don't want to make this a religious movie but we also don't want to step on anyone's toes so we'll let you extrapolate that this is noah's ark but there's no noah so we can claim ignorance on both counts because this movie doesn't give a damn about geography i have no idea what happens in the last 10 minutes it looks like the ice splits and the flood waters are diverted elsewhere but are they in a new place entirely or did god save them and is it because this giant wall of ice got split in half that the other mammoth show up later were they on the other side of it i honestly don't know the answer to any of these questions but the movie expects me to be really excited about all the [ __ ] that it doesn't explain we're gonna live well i am anyway is there a term for the opposite of survivor's guilt because whatever it is i'm pretty sure it's a sin i'm thinking about starting a swim school sids squids well at least those god-awful annoying mini sloths didn't pop up again god damn it i'll hail fire king also how the [ __ ] did these sloths get here they didn't go into the ark did they they invested all their time in fire king sacrifices right was the ark their second choice i didn't think it was possible but this movie just gave me sloth orgy lethargy or slargy that look is because manfred's future just went from propagating the species sex to full-on mammoth orgy and yet the movie will end before we see any of it man every single one of these mammoths including ellie and manny are [ __ ] you're not even gonna say hi or anything i know to these other mammoths two new mammoths aren't a big deal but since these are all anthropomorphized characters you'd think a what's up might have happened from any of the mammoths in this shot oh look they decided to stay with san diego which is honestly the most profitable thing to do really if you think about it and of course there's more of this idiot trying desperately to find somewhere to have sex with his acorn at least i think that's what this is all about this movie scattered scratch scat throughout the film eight different times totaling 16.21 of the movie i did the math that's close to a fifth of this movie spent on this wretched rat squirrel and to be honest i'd rather be watching the one where he chased down his long-lost father only to realize his dad was an acorn the whole time i think that might have been called the scratch in the cradle iceberg right ahead so three thousand feet of sheer granite free soloing it would be one of the greatest accomplishments in the history of climbing but is it ethical to film someone as he risks his life hey it's my turn to hit the slope my walls tumbling rocks crumbling nobody makes a fool of our family without my help why do i gotta be the platypus make him the platypus mr pink sounds like mr [ __ ] how about if i'm mr purple we're now traveling together and like it or not we're going to be one big happy family and we're going to have the half-half happiest christmas since bing crosby tap dance with danny k are you ma'am you look like a big fat hairy beast you know that hurts my feelings i've tried going on a date you know the zone you know cobs are the enemy i can stand he can stand t vu ted the first thing you gotta do is expose that problem ah well there's your uh butt what about it your butt is the bomb there will be no survivors mommy i want to see the bad man fly forward duck season rabbit season

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,536,819

Keywords: cinemasins, everything wrong with, eww, cinema sins, movie, movie review, review, ice age meltdown, ice age, the meltdown, ice age funny moments, ice age 2, ice age meltdown end credits, food glorious food ice age 2, reaction, recap, bloopers, everything wrong with ice age 2, everything wrong with ice age the meltdown, ice age 2 the mammoths, ice age 2 ending, animated movies, ice age meltdown cast, ice age 2 characters

Id: QH299UOKIIk

Length: 18min 26sec (1106 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 15 2020