Everything Wrong With Black Widow In 18 Minutes Or Less

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season is a bright seller's gift card send one two or three months worth of wine as a gift everyone wins bright sellers delight guarantee means if you don't love a bottle that you receive they will send you a replacement in your next box i really love it because the packaging is recyclable and plastic free cinemasins fans get 60 off their first four bottle box that's just 38 for four bottles go to brightsellers.com cinemasins to get started the link is in the video description this marvel intro used to give me goosebumps but now that it's before every single episode of every single marvel tv show i've seen it so much that it no longer gooses my bumps in fact it now does the opposite it's now an immediate mood killer and completely wilts all my skin boners on sight nature great another kid riding a bike to recall a simpler time cliche look if you want to make me relive my childhood leave the bikes out of it just show a kid slouched on a couch with a bag of cheese balls watching saved by the bell and fresh prince re-runs ohio i bet you're gonna fall down first no you will crab walk competitions save that for your horror movie auditions girls forest stars yeah you know what those are actually part of the left purity family forest star slam parody family movie avoids taking sides on the firefly lightning bug debate that has been splitting this country apart for decades we won't stand for this kind of fence sitting they are called lightning bugs and we will not bow to those west coast firefly elites pick a side marvel there is no middle ground imagine having this much counter space and using it for discarded magazines plants a bowl of wine corks and a sponsorship god i hate my kitchen oh would you grab the ranch dressing for dad honestly i'm disappointed in hidden valley for not seizing the opportunity for a clear sponsorship here i mean sunny d and brawny jumped in on this scene of course their product placed me a sort of lame so i guess i'll send the scene that should have been and we also saw fireflies in the backyard i knew it gotcha marvel this is ohio and that should firmly be lightning bug territory i knew that coastal bias was hiding in there somewhere and now that we know how you really are you are going down twitter is going to hear about this tonight honest question does anyone in movie land know how to not spill bullets asking for a cliche you have it yeah it's the only copy the only one not on fire and i will prove that it is a copy i have and that this copy is not on fire by displaying it in front of you waving it around like a tiny floppy fan so that anyone watching can be assured i have the only copy also i hate that 90 of the audience just turned to whoever was near them to say why is he holding a physical copy of the save symbol and then the ten percent of us feel burdened to explain the history of digital storage storing your christmas tree upright in the garage without anything covering it do you know what happens come december you flop up in those branches and poop out fly the spider and spider egg remnants and this is how we can ants i want my song jesus kid can you learn to say please what i hate most about this moment is that people may think this is how tapes worked you slide in the tape and it magically plays whatever song you wanted to hear on whatever side no children this is when the fast forwarding and rewinding began you had to find your song using something called memory how's there 1206 left on the clock in the first quarter of this high school football game most high school games only have 12 minute quarters to begin with and even if they did 15 are you telling me the away team managed to kick three field goals in that time then yes it could be a touchdown and a safety or a field goal and three safeties or a touchdown with a missed extra point a field goal but my point here is there's no way there should still be 12 minutes on the clock here in the first quarter and therefore this movie is terrible putting your young barefooted child on chalk removal duty whenever you want to think about shield being the good guys remember these moments where they shot bullets at children hit the accelerator there and isn't it swell that her eye contact is indication enough as to which of these many levers is the accelerator somewhere in a dark and personal theater tom cruise is cackling at the screen and yelling to himself i did it for real so suck it harbor then looking around and realizing no one can hear him and this sin is just a reminder that it's the relationships in your life that matter most i once heard that a famous director refused to put scenes of planes landing in his movies because they were boring filler that director was right also are we suggesting that this tiny plane made it from ohio to cuba without refueling and even if it did that shield didn't have a way to track it in u.s airspace mommy you know it makes you stronger remember lying to your children and then being a hypocrite by almost dying please please i beg you no more undercover hey and why would they in the first place how much sense does it make to have a super soldier and send him to play nerd dress up and do paper pushing spycraft for three years just in case anyone thought there was a chance that the black widow movie would fail to remind you of her entirely background buckle up buttercup also already 15 minutes into this thing and you're going to mid movie credits us like some sort of law order episode you're better than this marvel also also you can't hear it but this is all set to a super slowed down moody version of smells like teen spirit because apparently taking classic rock tracks and turning them into syrupy soup is all hollywood knows how to do anymore also cubed this goes on for over three minutes and expositions you so hard you'll probably still be feeling it when you try and sit down to watch the eternals the year is 1995 and tom's shoes was founded in 2006. give the girl some doc martens windows phones throwing windows phones into a large body of water natasha romanov is in violation of the sokovia accords she assaulted the king of wakanda and this debrief is happening right now because it's convenient for the cameras sorry to not have told you any of this before now did no one teach her public restroom manners you don't fling water everywhere and then leave it all over the place so the next person gets it on the front of their goddamn shirt as they lean over to wash their hands laying down on the job the knife drop has now officially replaced the reverse grip as the go-to blade handling trope congratulations to all involved note of advice to future combatants if you have a magic dust that will wake your opposition to the fact that they don't want to kill you studies have shown that using it before they deal you a death blow will result in a higher rate of survival like you know maybe have that out ready to go before they even get to you telling a mask to smile steve rogers on natasha romanov apple free foot or product this is some next level pointless news position a random backwoods norwegian radio station is giving this news just as she pulls in so we can know what exactly is the scene anymore lonely or sad or whatever emotion you're trying to drum up here without telling us the same thing you've already explicitly told and shown us in this very movie peeping and creeping on someone who's sleeping budapest yeah uh budapest no it's it's budapest black widow would be a buddha and a pest at cinemasins why did you break up the encounter with my pet python look i think moonraker is actually an underrated bond movie but if you know it well enough to do a quote along i'm still sending you the director said in this scene you realize the gas cans are empty and you move one to the car and because i realize this is truly boring i'm gonna feature your ass as much as possible natasha survives this and yes i feel confident sending the fact that she can maintain so much physical damage with hardly any physical repercussions sure she is trained for combat but she's also human and isn't wearing high-tech avengers armor she is people since the shield is now stuck in this vehicle's window now would be a great time to go ahead and push this vehicle over the edge at the very least you get rid of the shield and in this case you'd get rid of the taskmaster too since they've somehow jumped on top of the car without alerting you or even tipping it any further good job shooting the shield over and over again i mean if that's the game we're playing then she is winning i guess we can hope that marvel is getting their same versus same boss battle out of the way early on but maybe i get the feeling i shouldn't be so optimistic [Music] if that's true maybe don't start the task by blowing up the vehicle with the vials you're trying to retrieve inside it what a stupid way to give away the element of surprise just wait for her to park and do a snatching grab you mecha they have a sword in their backpack why not start with that the highly important case was able to be opened on first try no lock nothing [Music] sisters neither of these two should fear each other considering neither has their fingers on the trigger despite the audience knowing there will be no consequences to this fight just sibling rivalries on for some time if you didn't think i'd come here why'd you send me this we brought it back here right how dare she return with the item you sent in the mail with no instructions other than a photograph i'm so shocked at the confusion it's a synthetic gas the counteragent to chemical subjugation the gas immunizes the brain's neural pathways from external manipulation maybe in english next time is the movie suggesting that brilliant black widow didn't follow that explanation or is it pandering to an audience who might not have followed i think i know the answer and the answer is and you checked the body confirmed the kill why would a train killer confirm a kill when there's a storyline that needs a hook again instead of putting these away why don't you just immediately use them on the intruders one by one literally got an antidote in your hand and you don't even think about having it at the ready [Music] she is people i don't want to do this he's making me while the sudden do you have the awareness to know this and fight it does it have to do with conveying information to black widow for plot purposes because i think it has to do with conveying information to black widow for plot purposes do you believe me now but you didn't even hear that conversation you can't just steal a guy's car says the woman who toppled a building and killed a child to take down her enemy listen you're going to judge so the car turns around as elena seizes the wheel but how does the car go into reverse without natasha assisting this ridiculously complex maneuver are they hive mind oh he's back spoiler protective gender assumptions i love how this shot implies that taskmaster calmly rude the escalator down like they have nowhere to be i just want to see this scene with the girl from ipanema playing and i'm mad that i don't get it seriously who is controlling discount snake eye's motivational dial taskmaster is in full saunter mode and somehow doesn't use their fancy robo vision to spot natasha and elena above them it's not a true marvel villain if they don't occasionally turn on the dumb switch so characters can escape i guess i love the part where i almost bled to death earlier elena jammed a knife into her thigh and ripped out a tracking device like it was no big deal but a scratch on her arm leads to this level of sarcasm do i hate little sisters these games don't indicate that natasha and clint were bored up here they indicate that they're complete imbeciles which of these two idiots kept placing o's in these slots while the x's managed to lock down two connecting trios how do two semi-intelligent people even play any non-cat eye resole in ttt and then there's this hangman game with a completely dead hang man on a board with no vowels correctly guessed this is clearly battlefield or something with battle in it and you didn't guess an a or an e i'm not sure what all these scribbles are but you clearly appear to have guessed v and n before guessing e you always start with the e dammit i need it out justifying murder there's this thing that you do when you whip your hair when you're fighting with the arm and the hair and i mean they're great poses but it does look like you think everyone's looking at you this is almost funny enough to take a sin off except that elena is making a great point here about superhero opposing that is clearly about the audience's pleasure and not the hero's fighting strategy so with all this being excellent at cinemasins going on we still have to add the scent this wayward and glaringly misplaced strand of garland trying to be more than just a trained killer she loudly stays in front of the store attendant while purchasing ibuprofen for her suspicious bruising he destroyed my birth certificate so i reinvented it my parents still live in ohio this along with all the fantasy information you're about to spout would not be on a birth certificate you are not reinventing your birth certificate you are reinventing what's called backstory as an attempt to garner empathy from the audience it's like you don't even know you're in a movie okay it has a lot of pockets hi yes pockets the backup conversation that women have when the writers decide to spare us all the expected women talk about a man trope the flow chart goes talk about a man and if you can't switch to pockets and if that doesn't work talk about going to the bathroom in packs i said we needed a jet give him credit he somehow managed to find an aircraft that withstands an incredible amount of damage in the following scene so he clearly had time to do something spectacular i'm not made of jets nadoi you know who's made of jets starscream other lesser jet transformers end of list now i've never been to prison or been well-versed in the symbolism of prison tattoos so i'm gonna make the assumption that the tattoo artist star phase was so popular that everyone wanted to have one or more placed on their person that or the makeup department printed too many nautical stars and didn't give a also he's just now getting a full back piece of red guardian how is this not the first tattoo he got saying he went with the shoulder hawk spare tire knife and shoulder blade scorpion before this also also this tattoo which appears to be a droopy eggplant spewing spores gets its own sin because look at it you know some movie plans rely a lot on chance but the fact that he just happened to pull this string right now and catch the head and spot the hidden earpiece that somehow escape detection by the guards requires so much chance you'd need to land on the correct monopoly square while performing chainsmoker to even accomplish it today is your lucky day alexi it sure is considering he just happened to put this earpiece in right as you decided to say this instead of something more logical like you know alexi are you there distracted flying is a double sin when there is clearly room to rest the computer on the dash so natasha could more easily keep her eyes on the dials while scanning the highly convenient interior designs of a secure prison as i watched this helicopter hover in place i just have to say good thing it didn't get that jet you asked for huh how exactly was that supposed to work this extra looking straight up to camera for an avalanche that would be coming from up here is far more infuriating to me than it should be in fact i just want to send everyone looking anywhere but upwards in this shot because they're down here and the mountain is up there come on extras pull it together so natasha holding on with her little human hand and balanced on her very normal feet swoops in and hefts the super soldier up up up into the sky in other words natasha's arms survived this let me pause for a second talk about a dream i have i dream of a day when a movie will stop the momentum of an action scene involving a rope hanging from a helicopter and force the audience to watch its stars slowly climb the rope hand over hand till they get to safety it will be grueling and boring and most people will walk out of the theater or turn off the televisions but god damn it if i don't want to see it moments ago they needed headsets to hear each other and it was funny now when the movie is ready for a serious moment we get to hear each other perfectly over the engines can we throw him out the window now frustration administration via defense station insinuation so are we there yet are we there yet jokes out of grown humans who should know better and i swear if you don't stop i will turn this car around right now you two red guardians costume survives this did that pig just open the door considering the pig simply pushed the door open with its snoot this is not that impressive stop breathing this remake of charlotte's web is somehow even more up than the original also these controls have the major body systems with a slider bar to decrease percentages and i have questions primarily how do you decrease skeletal system if you slide that bar down does the pig stop having a skeleton do the bones turn to dust if you then slide it back do they reform what the are you testing with a skeletal system don't give me please sell me ideologies oh stop with the points you are an idiot family thanksgivings and why did you save this so that it could end up right at eye level and you could have this emotional moment just to guess why does a mouse born in a cage run on that little wheel for exercise but i don't see how that's relevant he go toilet on my hands go toilet go toilet i get that we are doing a russian thing here but this dude got along for three years with an american accent in ohio if he's speaking english shouldn't he be able to make a urination proclamation a little more clearly than go toilet they think one thing i'll never understand about the comedic one dart followed by a bunch of darts trope is why there's always one idiot who shoots first and then the others wait a few seconds for full comedic effect if you can aim this well you can be on the same page about timing also who shot this dart and when she has dark eye shadow on now so we know she's serious here's a curious moment when natasha wearing molina's face stands before taskmaster who can scan body readings and somehow misses that this is black widow touching down in one minute because somehow in just a few minutes molina was able to tell natasha a ton of information about red room's location and how to fly an enemy aircraft there now i don't know how draco stayed above the radar all these years actually i think you have to stay below the radar because above the radar there are things like satellites and other aircraft cloudless days that get you spotted pretty quick the idea that shield wouldn't know about this flying fortress because it checks notes flew up into the sky is downright ridiculous how come she gets to keep her hair down when everyone else is in braids when you look into the eyes of a child you have raised no mask in the world can hide that look i know you see these perfect mission impossible masks just hanging out in the gun closet for some reason but that was picture perfect and ready to go in less than 10 minutes plus rachel vice is three inches taller than scarjo and there is no way you had time to pull a full gattaca i need you to know that i'm sorry i pledged my life to a cause installing cross-contaminant cell speakers for easy prisoner to prisoner communication when they came and took you away from me no cause is worth it does anyone believe this man is having a redemption moment i know the movie wants us to really believe the power of chosen family even a psychotic one can win out in the end but how is the audience supposed to believe that a man who lived at bullsh family arc for three years coldly handed over the kids and then went to prison has suddenly had a change of heart after seeing the two kids 20 years later elena it's me it's mama you have a two inch blade concealed in your beltline what my favorite part is that molina has just been sitting in the cell for a while and then letting out red guardian then doing a big mask reveal before telling her this info and all the while elena is about to get her head sawed open mother of the year stuff right there and yes i know elena eventually says you couldn't have told me sooner but honestly the fact that you're aware of it and still didn't fix it makes it worth this extra set where did he take the vials probably down to cold storage you know as one does when there's something that could ruin your entire life's work you always go with cold storage instead of i don't know incineration maybe also i love that molina says probably here like he's just taking a wild guess and the whole plan depends on it really solid planning all around from this group say hello to my little girl natasha knows she can't attack this and risks a lot by playing into the ruse that she's clueless but what he could shoot her now what confidence does she have that her delay is going to pay off sure she wants to goad him into revealing more of his plan but even if he didn't show off his database wouldn't the women still be free if she killed dracoff prevents you from committing violence against me oh why are there vhs tapes on his desk not being careful with your security measures why don't you just yell out your elementary school and mother's maiden name while you're at it if you're as confused as we are hit us up in the comments with your first pet's name and social security number and don't forget to like and subscribe i found the location of the vials and good news not only were you right about the cold storage thing but they are easily accessible and in plain sight i just love that someone in set design stopped and said you know what an old guy needs a nasty recliner i can finally come out of the shadows using the only natural resource that the world has too much of mosquitoes please stay mosquitos what a terrible panic button what if he accidentally slapped the surface or if it slipped off the desk and he grabbed for it and set off an alarm on accident there are too many variables i demand to talk to the developer all from that little console yeah you'd think we'd have moved past the monologuing villain gives away his plan and secrets for no reason cliche but you'd be wrong so as long as we can smell him we won't be able to hurt him which makes you wonder why natasha doesn't stand very far away from drake off and then shoot him natasha to block receptors in old factory center you have to sever the nerve okay sure fine whatever but any reason you couldn't do that with a scalpel right now instead of chancing it with the oh so reliable break my nose in just the right place in the midst of the moment stratagem black widow goes for the kill but she's yanked away at the last moment and this is why you just kill people quickly this is the takeaway from this movie you're welcome for years drakov has implemented a pheromonal lock in all widows even me don't think about this part too much it really falls apart and you start asking yourself questions i'd give examples but even if you start with a question like how fast will a banana go bad it eventually leads to this plotline making no sense is one of the symptoms of being controlled a severe case of one at a time itis because i can't think of another explanation for all the standing around that the widows are doing right now i know he said make or suffer but certainly you could do that with two or three at a time right that bomb left a couple vials intact i didn't know bombs came with and explode everything except the two vials that will be needed later setting that's neat oh hi there random parachute thanks for being so confu [Music] also how did she know it was a parachute to begin with what if this was a regular ass everyday backpack oh no is black widow going to die my fragile nerves can't take much more of this is he good he's gone remember earlier when natasha didn't check for drakov's body which led to this whole mess yeah she didn't check for his body again now what an idiot you got something to say you know what yes i do and it's about this goddamn pocketed vest that elena was bragging about earlier i only see two accessible pockets and any others that may be hidden are tucked behind belt barriers she literally raved about this thing and it's so underwhelming i can't stand it it comes up again i'm adding 100 cents okay well if you're leaving then i guess you should take this does have a lot of pockets it does not he had widows and planted all over the world molina will need to copy the formula giving the person who just gave you their vest with all their pockets something to immediately need to put in a pocket maybe you'd like a shot at the man responsible for your sister's death i can't wait to find out how elena goes after hawkeye a man that i'm sure her sister never talked about and she will somehow easily be convinced as a bad guy and then i have laid eggs inside of your brain

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,400,237

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, black widow, everything wrong with black widow, eww black widow, black widow reaction, black widow movie reaction, black widow review, black widow movie, scarlett johansson, black widow trailer reaction, black widow trailer, movie reaction, marvel studios, black widow scarlett johansson, marvel, black widow spoilers, black widow spoiler review

Id: dhg_ymJwRI8

Length: 21min 53sec (1313 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 02 2021