Everything Wrong With Black Panther In 17 Minutes Or Less

millions of years ago a meteorite made of vibranium exposition about a meteorite meteors position exposition right also the generation a meteorite made of vibranium struck the continent of Africa affecting the plant life around it yeah but just the plant life of Africa I mean wouldn't a meteorite big enough to affect an entire continent trained a lot of things over the world until a warrior shaman received a vision from the pen that God is best ooh with what now led him to the heart shaped up a plant that granted him superhuman strength speed and instincts this planet is basically Jesus Jesus the warrior became King and the first Black Panther roll kitties to keep the brainian safe the wakandans vowed to hide in plain sight you know what Condor has the same problem as Wonder Woman's the mascara you tell him either before Klaw did his heist not one [ __ ] stumbled upon Wakanda by accident in all those years yeah it's surrounded by mountains and what looks like a rain forest but there are still flying things like airplanes right seas to Grace Jones looking chicks funny joke but Surrey is soon revealed as being in on the whole undercover operation so why would he continue the subterfuge even after in Joe who knows he's caught this man ulysses klaw who looks remarkably the same here is he willing 26 years did you think that you were the only spy we sent here to Oakland yeah totally to the United States no I'm not that stupid point is you have been too vague in your question for my answer to matter at all yes it's only 33 seconds of logos but it's all just one logo and that's excessive the tiny nation of Wakanda is mourning the death of its mana I know we need the exposition for the people that didn't see Captain America Civil War but T'Challa is seriously using his incredible technology to watch BBC news this opening action sequence is just way too dark I can't even call the movie out for bad staging or choppy editing because I literally can't see anything to ruin my mission I will be crowned King tomorrow I wish for you to be there wait Nakia was on an undercover mission to take down a group of human traffickers and to charla it all up just so she could come to the crowning ceremony I know it's important it but more important than busting a group of King human traffickers are yourselves home I'd take deploy what I really she herself has to get back to Wakanda for the crowning tomorrow but our heroes are literally turning to all these just now release prisoners and saying KanCare yourselves oh there's no further assistance you or Wakanda can provide believe it or not this glory shot at a landscape with herds of animals running near a body of water is the least over lion king rip-off this movie has to offer I'm not saying something mighta deceased that came to see me off before the siblings immediately identify each other as siblings anywhere else other than the movies just something works doesn't mean that it cannot be improved my dick in a nutshell dude I don't care if it's his precociously brilliant sister or not Cherie just flipped off the current Prince and future king of this country in front of all these people with no repercussions and in case you confused it for London Nebraska I mean seriously does anyone meet the UK part of this title card this is the most London in London shot ever to London where is this one far present-day Ghana well what about this one this eventual reveal is predicated on the fact that this museum refuses to use any descriptive cards for their priceless artifacts so how do they need the guise of the paramedics there's no way the room cleared that fast oh cool I guess claws claw comes with a weapon polishing setting okay so the water is being drained ahead of the falls and all these people are arriving by boat above the falls so is there a staircase in these rock faces do they all rappel down will be definitely yada-yada is how everyone actually gets to the very specific and temporary location for the crowning slash fight the CG on these Swain people is so bad the maker of weebles has suited in civil court for copyright infringement I'm super confused about one thing how the throne of Wakanda and the title of Black Panther are seemingly linked and yet definitely not linked because he's been black panther for a bit even before his dad died and now he has to have his panther purple drank powers medically removed in order to fight for the honour of being King upon which they will reap herbal drank his ass and get his super powers back but he wasn't King before now and still had powers and was out there fighting he was black panther estado in civil war did his dad decide to stay King but give up the panther juice to his son goddammit I've written seven lines in a Word document about this and I'm still angry about it but also now questioning my sanity and whether or not I'm the only one asking these questions oh no one notice that the jabari tribe was missing from this entire ceremony before now I mean it makes for a dramatic entrance but there definitely a part of Wakanda and this is a pretty important de marmol look you should make a spin-off horror series about mbaku and the clay masks I don't know if it's the double eyes or the double mouth or the west-world worthy map carved into his forehead but this is the most frightening movie character I've seen in years scoffs I tried this on okay a few things technological advancements should be overseen by whoever makes them go smoothly and rapidly what she is doing second she's 17 going on 18 and almost no decent english-speaking person would call her a child 30 you've been up in the mountains dude you don't get to come down after I'm guessing decades and start demanding you chose to leave and live in seclusion forth and maybe most simple don't all teenagers scoff a tradition who could not keep his own father safe low blow especially since he and his father were way outside the borders of Wakanda where they can't possibly control all variables that got bombed and dude is making it seem like the chocolate just refused to do the Heimlich maneuver on his choking father lowered it to a hanuman wait who hanuman feels like a sudden new name we are giving glory prayers to baku had some great trash talk before the fight but what the hell does this have to do with anything character is close to death but is able to come back because of an inspirational shout from the audience cliche what the hell is to charles plan here if when baku doesn't yield his ass is definitely going over the falls too even though he was just gored with a super heavy spear two challahs chest wound isn't bleeding at all because we don't want to obscure those beautiful abs right and so begins the most annoying request of chadwick boseman career just officially elected king to chow last two owned agro the purple heart flower ceremony in order to receive the black panther powers that he had prior to this but apparently had to give up after his dad died until he was officially elected king or some point is the half assed this from the get-go damn this is a MCU movie right so why are the effects often still lacking they couldn't afford those wet [ __ ] that did the jungle book I know to Chama has security with him and everything but nobody even looks at the king of Wakanda as he walks down a busy street let alone ask for a selfie brought it to Boston still gray Rhino shadowing my king my love damn smokey has a lot of expositional greetings and this movie does enjoy spending lots of its time gee whizzing it itself and what are these question is the entire suit sits within the teeth of the necklace man I love this Q style tech introduction of the gadgets as much as anyone but the use of vibranium totally bypasses explanation of how all this was developed like it's basically this is the greatest tech ever invented yeah but vibranium forever in my nights absorbed the kinetic energy and hold it in place for redistribution but really only in this movie you'll see it an infinity warm but only in the wide shots for some reason yes we pick back and forth you probably could have saved a lot of money by bypassing Lupita Nyong'o in favor of Willow Smith for this role I saw a Medicus I know Nokia's a badass spy and all that but how they can she tell that all three are Americans just by looking at them from across the casino what I'm doing or not doing on behalf of the US government is none of your concern I like martin freeman a lot I even have a John Watson and a Bilbo Baggins poster up in my bedroom but could they really not get an actual American actor to play the Warren American that's prominently featured in this movie didn't I keep it under wraps that the king of a third-world country runs around and cats him despite speaking in somewhat hushed tones this super sensitive conversation is easily haribol by anyone nearby the king of Wakanda is here Ross is a seasoned veteran of the CIA but he seriously still stalks into his sleeve when communicating with his team in case we didn't have enough clues about what an evil prick claw is he doubles down on the parade of villainous black SUVs true you got a mixtape coming out actually there is one I'll send you the soundcloud link if you lock don't forget to catch me on my Institute and check out my Etsy yes hey how the hell does useless henchman number four know who a Koya is even if they're getting set up it's not like they'd know exactly who be with T'Challa qualifiers three rounds directly into the bulletproof suitcase instead of aiming literally anywhere else this casino fight is rad punctuated by this glorious one shot up and back down then back up again panning action Bravo movie man good thing Kalam was out of bullets there look T'Challa would have totally wasted that bulletproof suit he's not currently wearing wait boss sick just right yeah but that's very important information and it takes much less time to just say right guys I know it's a preposterous superhero movie but seriously this works the hell is this dudes plant sure the bullets can't penetrate the car but they can totally penetrate the obvious of Khoya on top of the car Wow I must have missed the part where this Black Panther movie officially turned into a Bugs Bunny cartoon no mall the songs to have crossing while in custody so that we know he's crazy you guys went with this one Shepherds textiles cool outfits it's just a chocolate really need the secret communications device I mean I have a long way mirror in this interrogation room so I wouldn't they also be able to hear what they're saying how is this take their weapons claw helpfully expose it's this information to Ross even though he has no incentive to do so except for getting more screen time hey I really can't blame Andy Serkis we're milking it there at least he gets to show his actual face for once despite his injuries and taking off the mask to chawla impressively pulls off a flawless zoom and enhance cliche even though they just relentlessly pursued cloth throughout the entire city of Busan I guess let just let him go here along with the people that own whatever weapon kick to traumas a second ago Nucky but it's Ross that's dying why the hell would appoint a say this I give me a Kimura beat this is Stabler that seemed fun now yeah I'll just stick my who's what into his whatchamacallit and something-something vibranium give you into us we can save him and so the CIA people just said okay and let him be taken back for healing to what they truly believe is a third world country this man is a foreign intelligence operative how do we justify bringing him into our body this is an excellent point I haven't let anyone into a condo for centuries but they have to get Ross back there or he'll die it's not like they're inviting some random [ __ ] won't tell anyone [ __ ] in the CIA 30 years you'll find out who is in power and did nothing if you ask for to be different but the channels only been King for like two days and you spent most of that time chasing claw give him a break man he's playing on me I know yo boos done some questionable but why did you chock I have to kill him dead he's already disarmed him right this entire movie could have been eighty percent less conflict that Takako just uses like Golconda neck pinch or something man clown looks pretty good for a corpse that's been flown from South Korea all the way to akanda in a tiny unrefrigerated prop plane and then dragged across the Prairie in the middle of a hot day don't touch anything my brother will return soon Wow ever Ross maybe the first movie character in history told not to touch anything that actually doesn't touch anything there's vibranium on those trains vibranium all around us I understand the conflict about wanting to heal Ronson Wakanda after he technically saved Matias life but once he was okay they could totally move him somewhere else other than the technological hub of the entire country you can't let your father's mistakes define who you are thing my kids will be chanting it themselves into the mirror their entire lives but also he can and he should and he does because he lets his father's mistakes eventually help define T'Challa himself as a better King more open to the world and giving eight his father's mistakes directly led to who he becomes and how he defines himself oh nine reason I don't kill you I of Stannis because I know who you are is that really the only reason like why is Erik even really in trouble he's got a wakandan tattoo so he's not trespassing sure he's a little disrespectful but that's hardly worthy of a death sentence I found my daddy will pay at the claws in his chest record scratch the [ __ ] wouldn't to chacas claws have been part of his suit and retracted back after the stabbing why do you check the claws and leave them in the dead body he literally said to the other guy tell no one of this and then I guess followed that up with but I'm gonna leave these claws here like a riddle or some yeah I'm exercising my blood right the challenge for the metals of King and black panther okay but can I really do this it was a whole thing earlier about the challenge being on a specific day when the other tribes declined to challenge before mbaku can any one of those warriors walk in and challenge at any time I know we in the u.s. probably shouldn't be judging any other country's politics but that seems like an inefficient system also let's talk about kill mongers way unnecessarily complicated plan he stole the vibranium from the Museum in London just so he could get to Charlie's interest in capturing Klaw in Busan but if claws group killed two chawla Eric wouldn't have had the chance to challenge him for the throne and why does he need all this to happen anyway if all he's trying to do is get Chris from get out support in Wakanda he could have just killed claw ages ago considering he already knows where Conda is and all this death just so I could kill you man and I thought my family get-togethers were awkward last year's Thanksgiving got nothing on this kill manga is at once one of our best comic book movie villains ever and one of our stupidest this is just so much dumb it kind of hurts the brain also I don't know if there's a way to do this where it's not obvious but who they believe for a second that T'Challa is dead here there's 40 minutes of runtime left he's the titular character and there's magic doohickeys all over the place here of course he survives this Erik beat T'Challa and everything but he also just randomly murdered Ghost Dog during the fight it was a pretty important figure in Wakanda doesn't that get him in any trouble I'm loyal to throne know about the who sits upon it might be time to reassess the priorities no burn at all so thankfully she I guess suspected kill monger might go all burn the winch on the purple flower and came here to grab one she intends to use to give to chawla back his Panther powers but then after that that's it right no more flowers no more Panthers after Jala right we start this throne room scene upside down as a very subtle way of reminding the audience that here in Wakanda things are currently upside down the new king is a yes damn it tell me to stop taking all these sins off dude he's just lying there probably dead that's entirely possible given the proximity of the mountains to the waterfall one of our fishermen found him at the edge of the river board ah he brought him to me and I didn't tell anyone like for however long it took for kill monger to get red dirted and purple planted and then go up and change clothes and then go into the throne room and order weapons sent to the war dog spot yeah I didn't see anyone that whole time I just assumed you guys would deduce that he was still alive and up here in the mountains and come here to retrieve it now you have amazing I can heal him there thank you you'll be dead in seconds damn everyone in this country seems to be able to diagnose and heal anyone with impunity well how the herb that gives a normal human superpowers is now going to serve double duty as an herb that flat-out heals mortally wounded dudes near death he let the fifth of how I discovered he stopped us from doing what it's right this is the same realization Chris and I had just before starting cinemasins we not help you character insists they won't do a thing only to change their mind off screen in a few minutes of movie time and do that very thing cliche you know they made it seem like Shuri ran this entire country's tech during the whole movie and Baku even called her out in the first challenge so how are they able to put this massive effort of the weapons distribution together without it all that challenge I'm the king now but everyone can see the childhood right and everyone knows the challenge rules so why is everyone doing what kill monger sent they can't wait for it to charla to walk across the field Makati back to this clown this entire movie has been about kill monger and his killin boner for T'Challa but now that he sees he's clearly still alive he tells what copy to do it boy I escalated quickly I know what cobby was pissed at T'Challa for not killing Klaw but his willingness to kill what was his best friend until like a week ago is jari ah cool we're all gonna stop fighting and patiently wait for the over CGI'd rhinos to show up and make this otherwise excellent movie into a show Donnell rhinos take this movie into full-on Lord of the Rings mode for the finale and that's not a good thing first off when did Sheree have time to make this American style and how does that even an option and what does that even mean it's not what the US only has one type of AB rhenium powered aircraft in fact I'm pretty sure we don't have any laser pause okay I know I've hit the CGI in this movie hard and it totally deserves it but this is just egregious we've literally fallen into a pit of cliche darkness with a large dose of rubber neo and a healthy amount of Sam versus Saint you're better than this movie you'll want to see us become just like the people you hate so much couldn't the China at least mention that he's had a change of heart that wants to help the world now isn't that worth a shot before someone gets killed again you mean my love oh yeah I remember that these two are I don't know dating I guess because this has no bearing on anything that happens in this movie until now barely in the ocean well my assess is that jump from ships because they know death was better than bondage so everything went back to normal after that enormous fight all those wakandans that died for the super quick rule of kill monger or just it we all cool now once up again the king of Wakanda now making out on a very public street attracts no interest from the common folk Bucky [Music] it's becoming my club don't get me everybody dies every memory you see pretty well it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead it's a big difference between mostly dead and all that I chose my people but I don't want your life who led him to the heart shaped up [Music] I was wondering what would break first spirit Oh [Music] your arms off now it isn't well what's that then

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 10,009,216

Keywords: wave jockey job, movie, mistakes, cinemasins, cinema sins, marvel, black panther, everything wrong with, mcu, review, eww

Id: ttAd5TjM8GA

Length: 17min 28sec (1048 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 03 2018