Enneagram: Intro To Types 5-6

hey what's up guys thank you for joining me today my name is dr tom lehu and i want to welcome you to my channel and um in the description below is a link to my website if you're interested in booking coaching appointments or anything like that or in our certificate program in enneagram coaching all that information is listed in the description below well at the website listed in the description below and also thanks to my patrons i really appreciate your support for this channel and we are in a discussion on the basic introductions to each type okay so the last video we did one through four i was kind of trying to hope to get through all of them but i ended up talking a lot so today we're gonna do five we're gonna try and do five six seven eight nine we'll see if we get that far but we're looking at the uh the classic uh by riso and hudson the wisdom of the enneagram and just kind of reading through the opening section of that the descriptions of of each type okay so let's talk about type 5 so this is what they have listed type 5 the investigator is an intense cerebral type okay cerebral so it's all up in the head right well now that sounds like a good thing cerebral i'm very cerebral she's very cerebral um well i don't know that that sounds like a very good thing but i mean it sounds like you know this person is a thinker this person you know really processes information in their head and uh is a very uh thinking type person but cerebral can also you know there's there's sort of a dark side to that too isn't there like sometimes has a hard time getting things done because it can just sort of be in the head you know so you accomplish a lot in your head so to speak uh meaning maybe you're ordering courses uh you're you're you're studying you're doing research you're you know contemplating your formulating plans but are you actually getting things done okay see there's where the cereal part may be kind of a two-edged sword and i've known some fives like that that um you know we're taking courses on starting a business they've got all kinds of books on shelves behind them of internet marketing and you know insurance and that they've researched you know the fire out of what it takes to start an online business or what it takes to start um whatever interest they're in but sometimes it's like well i don't know that i have enough information so before i actually make this website go live you know and start doing business maybe i need to to do a little more research again it's that fear of actually turning the paper in so research research research gather more information and then sometimes it stalls out on the getting it done and fives of course are in the withdrawn stance so uh it can be hard sometimes for fives to to show up in terms of actually turning turning it in and so cerebral sounds great but the flip side to that may be there's sometimes a hard time you know getting feet on the ground and getting moving forward okay so intense cerebral intense i think about intense you know imagine like trying to teach a classroom which i think fives could be i think if fives is more like the professors okay ones maybe some twos you know uh sixes you know the teachers sevens could be inspirational teachers if they could stay with it nines could do it for their whole life you know but fives more like professors more like sparking people um sparking people's minds and getting them interested in subjects and raising questions um and i imagine a five being very frustrated in school and maybe even the teachers that try to teach that five being very frustrated with with that five at school because you know not every teacher wants an intense cerebral student now you get what i'm saying is you know a teacher should a teacher should be you know encouraged to have an intense cerebral student but in kind of the way we do education you know it's more like a kind of like a factory you know i'm going to put 30 kids in front of you you're going to teach the subject get them through these worksheets and move them to the next class and i'll put 30 it's like an assembly line you know intense cerebral people may not fit very well in an assembly line style education system and so i could see fives being frustrated in that system and i could see them uh their teachers maybe being frustrated with them and which is so sad because i mean fives in a sense could be the greatest students and maybe the greatest students but could find themselves very frustrated in the way we try and do education there's kind of an idea that like you know fives are always learning but never really have a teacher they are seeking out information um but they might come across as though they're unteachable people might get frustrated with a five and say this kid's unteachable you know that's what they said about einstein after all that he was unteachable uh yet they're they're always learning uh but they're all they're going to challenge their teachers they're going to challenge them and not every teacher wants to be challenged okay so intense intense and it's kind of you know i mean it's it most fives probably don't think of themselves as intense they think of themselves as quiet laid-back shy but they can be very intense um when they're on a subject that they know a lot about they can be very intense come across very intense when you're talking about something that they don't think you know much about that could be a very frustrating situation for a five when they have to sit under a lecture from somebody that doesn't really know what they're talking about i can imagine that the thoughts going through their minds in that moment are intense they could be maybe a little straightforward brutal direct emotionally disconnected or emotionally detached and come across in ways that are a little sharp and prickly and that's why i always say the treaty of the five as a cactus you know keep their space and can come across a little pointed or jaggedy on the edges okay cerebral type fives are alert okay they have that kind of position like i want to learn from back here i want to stand behind this wall and i want to observe everything from way back here and so i'm alert and maybe not in the same sense like a six is alert and scanning the environment to see where the threats are but alert aware and absorbing and taking everything in alert to their environment alert to what information you know is is available to them and of course they're sent as greed because they take all that information in and they can be kind of stingy with it or sometimes they can pour it out where it's not necessarily wanted and every five i know knows that experience of sharing a bunch of information that they feel excited about that they think is helpful to the scenario and then people just saying oh my goodness why do you keep talking about race cars oh my goodness why do you keep talking about motorcycles oh my goodness why you keep talking about and so probably most fives learn to just kind of just bottle it up and uh not share so easily alert insightful insightful actually actually i hear a lot of fives actually actually giving you little nuanced insights to things that you don't know i kind of get the idea that fives often are attracted to the knowledge that i don't know um you know what's so exciting about the knowledge that everybody knows nobody cares about the knowledge everybody knows it's the knowledge that people don't know that's you know kind of what is it adam ruins everything you know that kind of um i want to know this stuff at least this is the social five i want to know the stuff that that others don't know and uh again if you're a teacher and you're teaching through a lesson series and every you know 10 minutes junior's raising his hand well actually christopher columbus never landed on uh american continent actually you know then a teacher could get very frustrated by that because it's going to feel like they're always being challenged and they are that's what five when they're healthy right looks like an eight challenger um when they're unhealthy they can look like kind of like a seven which sevens are goof balls okay i am a seven right sevens can be goof balls and fives when they're not doing well they can get kind of goofy they can get kind of you know jumping around at topics without ever really planting their feet anywhere sevens are like tigger right they bounce around from one passion to another uh for three months or three weeks and fives when they're not doing so well can kind of lose their focus and become very unfocused and sort of leap into conversations where they're not where their facts aren't always appreciated and they're sort of challenging situations that don't necessarily need to be challenged but when fives are really healthy they bring the right information at the right time to challenge the status quo and shake people's foundations and move people off of false beliefs onto you know at least to question their beliefs and and move them to investigating for themselves again a five when they're when they're you know really healthy they spark others to become more cerebral they they spark others to want to ask questions and get answers and find out the truth they inspire others okay so they're able to concentrate their focus and develop complex ideas and skills complex the key word right i'm a seven i like to keep things pretty simple i like to keep things pretty surface i like to keep things pretty relatable and fives can definitely have a tendency to go a lot deeper and a lot more complex than than i i do i'm a seven i go to five in health i go and i gather information it's kind of backwards of an eight an eight goes to five in unhealth you know or stress and i you know you'll see an eight just move into action and go in and then when things aren't working or things you know aren't being accomplished then in their stress you'll see them go to their laptop open it up start doing research to gather information to figure out what's going wrong sevens when they're healthy you know are going and focusing on information about whatever it is they're interested in which they then share um you know in their seven enthusiastic way with the world so sevens and eights both have that line to five sevens it's kind of like we go there proactively and eights kind of reactively all right uh more about that when we get to the seven and eight independent and innovative independent yes independent and innovative uh probably the five wing four my guess would be a little more independent than the five wing six um innovative independent independent um i'm an island to myself cactus right fives kind of have that i'm an island to myself mentality um and i don't want you know people interrupting me i don't want people bothering my own people intruding on my space i don't want i if i always say that if you walk into a five's office and you say hey i got a question about this report blah blah blah probably the first thing the five is thinking is why are you in my office you're like why are you here what what what is it that you're why are you taxing my energy why are you costing me this energy you know you're supposed to stay on your side of the building and we meet during staff meetings and why don't we cover that in staff meetings why are we doing this here now in this way um that's my perception of what might be going through a fives mind because they're very independent you know i always think like you can go around the enneagram and think like the angry dad how do we relate to the angry dad and every type sort of does in their own way and i think five's way of how do you relate with the angry dad is i just disconnect from that i don't need that i don't need to be in a relationship with dad i'll just go over here in this area by myself and i won't need and that's that's that's crucial to understanding fives is is the shutdown of i don't need i don't have needs i don't i don't want to have needs and again i don't think that's a cognitive thought i don't want to have needs it's just kind of their orientation where a seven needs everything right and and a two needs you to need them and twos are often unaware of their own needs fives it's like if i don't need anything then i'll be okay in this world i if i don't need anything then i don't have to be afraid because people can't necessarily get to me they can't get to me if i don't need anything i'm sure that's a that's a real wake-up thought for somebody who's never heard that if you're a five you could probably pause the video there and just think about that for a while independent and innovative innovative um seeing what others don't see seeing how things could fit together in a way that others maybe haven't thought about seeing how things could be tweaked and turned and moved in a way that would revolutionize the industry and again five looks like an eight when they're healthy challenger they challenge the status quo they challenge the system they become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs preoccupied with their thoughts and their imaginary constructs meaning the things they come up with in their head their ideas their the way that they could see things being played out or the way things should be organized in their head they could become preoccupied with that and and not ever really see you know any fruit from their labors they could become over focused in their mind and sort of live there detached again from a safe space detached away from real life detached away from their family detached away from their co-workers their community and again i think that six wing is really good for fives because sixes are all about community sixes are all about connections sixes are all about suspicion and i think every five could use a little bit of suspicion you know fives they might go research gather all their information from a trusted source and believe it and think well why wouldn't anybody why would anybody question this the facts are clearly in front of you you know this car or this vehicle is the superior vehicle because look at all the specs look at all the stats look at all the look at all the review look at all the survey look at all the details you know look at i read it right here it's in consumer reports it's in science weekly it's in okay and that six wing says yeah i don't know about that just because it says it in this magazine doesn't necessarily i want to go ask some actual experts people that know people that drive these cars people that have this experience a five would do well to to have a little bit of suspicion for their own information and also to realize that people aren't going to just believe them because they say it's true people realize that sometimes people might be suspicious of your information and i think a five could be bewildered sometimes when they're clearly giving you the the accurate data and clearly giving you the facts they might be bewildered by people are being so stubborn and refusing to believe what is you know scientifically proven and we throw that word scientifically around it essentially means super-de-duper you know because you have facts and then you have scientific facts well if a fact is a fact then it's by nature it's true right so saying it's scientifically true how does that make it more true than true how does that make it more of a fact and effect i'm open you guys helped me understand okay if i'm missing something help me understand but in our culture we say oh this is scientifically proven this is scientific facts and i think by that you mean we did these certain you know tests on it in such a way that we don't manipulate the results but if you go back and you look at scientific facts over the you know the centuries you'll see that a lot of things that were thought to be scientifically proven have been scientifically unproven so when people say it's scientific facts it's kind of like oh super-de-duper facts you know but if a fact is a fact then isn't it a fact whether it's scientific fact or not okay there's my little ramble so i think that a five could come with their scientific facts their proven facts right and people look at them and go yeah i don't really think that's true i don't really believe that and a5 might be bewildered why would you not believe what has clearly been proven scientifically or clearly been proven beyond reasonable doubt people can be suspicious they're suspicious of you know who published this study or does this study motivated to bring people consumers to a certain end and so people can be naturally suspicious which sixes are naturally suspicious and i think it'd be helpful for a five to realize that sometimes just because they're proving their point doesn't mean that they're going to persuade people's opinions because people can be naturally suspicious even of their scientific facts okay um so they can be live a little bit in their imaginary constructs and probably the five wing four oh not 54 the sexual five um i don't know a lot of sexual fives uh but i think the sexual five you know might live in that sort of imaginary relationship um you know a perfect ideal idealized relationship like a four mite uh it's the five that looks more like a four okay so they become detached boom detached now that can be a good thing right we think of it as kind of a negative detached look we need you here to be a part of our family we want to know how you feel we want to know what your opinions are we want you to be included right and fives are reserved distant separate an island to themselves porcupines owls up on the roost you know looking down on life cactuses detached can seem like a negative um and there are negative aspects to it but there's also very good positive aspects what if you're in the middle of a conflict what if everybody's at each other's you know throat nobody's really listening to each other and of course the nines are going to mediate the nine's role is to come in and if they're brave enough and if they're courageous enough and if they're healthy enough to mediate conflict and tone people down and say i don't think we're listening to each other let's all bring it down okay but fives because of their detached nature they're they're better able to analyze in some ways they're better able to analyze all of what's being said all of what's being thrown out there all of the attitudes and all of the disagreements in a more objective way because most of us are very subjective i got my feelings hurt and so jack's bad i don't like jack jack's a jerk and everybody needs to turn against jack i think sixes can be like that right i'm against jack and so i need my whole community to be against jack that's not necessarily rational thinking right and so a five which is good for a six wing a five can be a little more observed a little more detached and say all things being equal if you factor out all of these feelings that everybody's feeling and of course it's very good for fours too because fours can sometimes be led by their intuition led by their feelings that five says hey rather than being driven by how we're feeling right now and all of our frustrations let's actually analyze what's been said let's analyze what the problem is let's draw a line and let's total it up and come up with a sum of what the situation is what the problem is and then how we could solve that problem fives can be very good at this because of their detached nature you know i think like the difference between a doctor which i think type one you know or maybe six and i'm sure every other kind could be a doctor as well i know that i've met doctors that are sevens and threes and all that but when i think of the doctor you know i think of a one and then i think of the research doctor you know sort of the phd the the research doctor as the five who may have a difficulty with bedside manner because of that detached part of themselves that i'm giving you the facts you have stage three cancer you have about three months to live and it's just it's just information and i could put some kind of emotional spin on this but why would that be helpful to you don't you just want to know the facts so okay i don't know why i got on that subject but here we go uh which i'm not even sure stage three cancer is that the worst i don't know okay um okay i'm not sure how it works is stage one worse than stage three i'm sure you guys will tell me in the comments all right so preoccupy with their thoughts and imaginary constructs they become detached yet high strong and intense high strung and intense uh so maybe a little um a little like a seven there okay under not doing so well i think sevens that sounds like seven is high strung and intense they typically have problems with isolation okay they like i said an island to themselves kind of hey junior get out of the basement come on turn the computer off let's go out and pitch a ball what's a ball you know and so they could be a little isolated um maybe not needing there it is see i don't need all these relationships i don't need to be popular i don't need everybody to know my name i'm isolated i'm in my dorm room by myself on my computer listening to music playing my guitar i'm isolated so they can become a little isolated eccentric eccentric that in my mind is a nice way to say weird okay and i hope that's of no offense to you if you're five you've probably been called weird uh before i i'm a seven and i've been called i was called weird all the way through high school because i was doing things that were fun i was doing things that that seemed you know light-hearted and it's not the norm the norm says do it like this and sevens depart from the norm and say ah that looks boring that looks lame this is a lot more fun fives depart from the norm they're isolated they're they're reserved they're detached and so they don't need people to think maybe that oh wow they're really fitting in that's not their priority to fit in and so they might dress in a way not like a four you know it's kind of like fours people say fours try to be different and fives actually are [Laughter] i like that fours are working hard to be different fives actually are because fives are just they're detached away from think the societal norms you know you're supposed to wear this kind of pants and this kind of shirt and these colors match and uh you know these kinds of shoes with this kind of this kind of uh with this type of address and again if fives are isolated and detached and they're living in their heads and they don't need they don't need everybody's attention approval acceptance then why would they have to wear things that match why would they have to care about you know all the things that the group cares about they wouldn't and so they're going to stand out and look eccentric or odd or strange or weird and again i think when you tell them that they're weird they're going to be taken aback like well why is this weird these shoes were the highest rated shoes and these shoes come with and they'll have you know some scientific facts about why these shoes are the best shoes and you're like yeah but dude your shoes are bright yellow you know i mean that's not important information important information is you know how they're structurally made and how they support your arches and and all that and so they might look eccentric because they're they're not basing their decisions on what is everybody going to think am i going to fit in will i get everybody's approval will they think that i'm a a swell person that's not how they're necessarily processing uh information and nihilism nihilism nihilistic nihilism is the philosophy that there's really nothing really matters that it doesn't really matter what you do it doesn't really matter you know because of five trapped in their head could sort of spiral into this sort of thinking that it doesn't matter ultimately like it's all up to fate or it's all up to chance uh you're more likely to die from getting hit in the head of from a coconut than you are from a shark so what does it really matter it's it's out of our hands it's out of our control what's really the purpose and you know you can you can what's the old term naval gaze you can navel gaze to the point that you you know that your eyes go crossed right you can you can analyze life so deeply that you can kind of come out the other side with less answers than you had when you started um i could see where atheism might be very appealing to fives because it's kind of like i'm coming up with my own solutions to um the how the universe works in a detached away from anything divine kind of way certainly not saying that all fives are atheist i think a five could argue you know very effectively for either side um and could end up you know a very strong proponent of either side of that issue but i could see where fives might be led you know probably those guys like richard dawkins and um um i forget all their names sam harris um you know i've read i've got a shell full of their books over there um and i've read quite a few books you know by atheists and then there's the counterparts on the christian side you know anyway another another time another video but i can see where nihilistic thinking and it's right here in the book i mean i didn't make it up it's right there nihilistic thinking that there's no point to any of it because i can't solve it all in my brain so there must not be a point to all of it okay all right so nihilistic at their best healthy fives are visionary pioneers i love that i love that visionary pioneers you know that's what aids would do right pioneers they would plow through they would plow through all the all the uncharted land and a healthy five is like that they're going to pioneer new avenues of information new new ways of doing things challenge people's assumptions the five wing force called the icono class which means take people's belief systems and turn them upside down challenge them turn them over show them that they're standing on shaky ground at best pioneers you know probably those guys that invent computers and those kinds of things probably are fives often ahead of their time and able to see the world in an entirely new way you know if you have a detached view of the world you'd have a different perspective of things and if you don't mind sitting with uh problems until they're solved or you know in solving them and spending a lot of time you've disciplined your mind to solve problems you discipline your mind to to really work through things to conclusions most of us won't sit with things that long we got things to do we got other stuff to do we've got important relationships to manage and we've got adventures to go on and we've got um television to watch and we've got work to do we don't have time to to sit and contemplate and sort things out to their conclusions like maybe a five would and so the fives discipline themselves discipline their mind that um maybe they're able to do and see things in an entirely new ways that the rest of us may not just have the willingness to sit with long enough all right well that's about 30 minutes so let's move on to the six let's move on to type six the the loyalist or slash skeptic the uh suspicious one right the loyalist i love that title loyalist the more i observe sixes the more i talk to sixes the more i watch them in films i do see that loyalist aspect and again let's keep it simple sixes are loyal because they need you to be all right sixes are loyal because they want you to be loyal remember their sin is fear right and so if you're afraid one of the ways to deal with fear is get a team around you that'll support you get a team around you that that will that will encourage you and help you and support you which is the self-preservation six the friendly six that looks like a seven sometimes looks like a two very outgoing very charming but still has that suspicious nature to them um in the six the social six is much more like a one um do things the right way do things according to the book and the idea is if i do things the right way according to the book then they won't be able to get me because i followed procedures i followed the policy i did things the right way um i followed the rules and and then the sexual six let me think about that one for a second oh the counter phobic six right um uh you know the uh the i think the twisted sister six that we're not gonna take at six you know the braveheart six um the uh push against the the barney five six push against what you're afraid of and um you know be a daredevil be a daredevil and then you've overcome your fears you gotta face your fears right it can look a little bit like an eight it can look like an eight but they don't have the they don't have that that thing the eights have they wish they did but they don't have that that that that gut courage you know that innate has they're working on courage and they could look braver than an eight because they may be you know running charging into a fight where an eight might might contemplate whether they want to be in that fight a six a counterphobic six might be initiating fights sometimes that don't necessarily need to be i hates do that too all right so the loyalist the committed you know there's another word that he doesn't mention in here the committed security oriented type there's another word that i i would like to add to this that i think is just a beautiful word to describe sixes and that is the word concerned concerned sixes are concerned that's just a perfect word for sixes i gave myself chills look at that concerned you know a lot of people are not concerned they're not concerned and they should be you know they're not concerned about how their kids are doing in school they're not concerned about whether the boss is actually you know taking advantage of employees uh they're not concerned sixes are concerned now concern can easily have that worried you know aspect to it where you're exhausting energy that is of no benefit you know worry does not accomplish anything except exhaust and deplete your energy and then maybe even cause you to do things that are foolish in ways to like handle that worry so concern is sort of the positive side and worry is sort of the negative side concerned one you know one of the best examples of sickness that i've seen recently my son who's a five um it was he's 15 so i said we need to watch lord of the rings you know the whole trilogy because that's such five stuff you know i mean it's just mordor and ragdon and i don't know is ragdon in there i don't even know what ragdon is it just sounded like something from from lord of the rings um gollum and uh what's the magician's name he's a five i just watched it i'm a seven i'm so scatterbrained sometimes uh it'll come to me gan gandor gandolf gandor gandoff the five right and of course frodo's a nine he's he's given this ring and he you know it just came to him life is happening he's got to take it over here and dump it in some volcano and who does he have with him he has a six he has samwise gamgee right is that right samwise sam wise is a six you know the whole movie is about a nine sort of in my opinion if you watch lord of the rings one through three it's really about a six the movie just highlights in such a beautiful way in such an illustrative way the strengths the positives the courageous nature the the suspicion of the six samwise just plays a great sam just plays a great role in that movie of what sixes are they're they're on the journey with you they're supporting you they're loyal to you and there's times when sam is questioned when gollum poisons frodo's mind against sam and you know the hurt the the absolute betrayal that sam experiences when he's when his when suspicion is aimed at him isn't that interesting sixes are the most suspicious right but when you're suspicious of them it's absolutely devastating just like you know fives are uh they don't want to be intruded on but yet they intrude on the classroom uh mr menzer mr minser uh i know i know actually actually right hates don't want anybody to reach down and grab the remote out of their hand but what do waits do reach down and grab their boat out of your hand right we all do this nonsense um ones don't want anybody to criticize them and what do ones do they criticize everything right so sixes you know they they're suspicious naturally of most things but yet when you're suspicious of them you know sam just loses it and as soon as frodo apologizes uh immediately boom everything's restored and sixes are like that you know if you look at a six and you say look i'm sorry i was in the wrong i should have done that there's nothing more the six wants to do than just come back restore that community things are right again anyway so it's a great movie to just illustrate the best of sickness in my opinion they're committed committed like to the death for someone they believe in for the team and you can see that in that in that lord of the rings sam's willing literally to run into fire to pick frodo up and carry him up the volcano feet burning you know in lava as he goes sixes committed to the team committed to their family committed to their group and what do they want what do they want they want me to return that commitment to them they want me to be loyal to them the world is scary we got to stick together and i need to know that you're going to be there to support me so look at how i support you okay security oriented type and again sixes when they're unhealthy they're just threats everywhere and they don't feel secure when they're healthy they make everybody else feel secure and on the team and protected you know sixes are reliable boom reliable reliable like a one ones are reliable sixes are reliable they what do they want from you they want you to be reliable okay hard-working responsible ones are responsible six and ones have very much in common in that um responsible in fact you might think if you were talking to a six that you're talking to a one a six might think they're a one a one's probably not gonna think they're a six but a six might think they're a one and you might have to coach them a little bit to help them see that they're actually operating out of fear not out of anger they're following rules not following their gut okay responsible but they can also be defensive evasive and highly anxious defensive evasive and highly anxious um yeah anxious worry stress fear um so you might have a six that's a valedictorian my mom's a six six wing five i asked her the other day um and she's suffering some for from forgetfulness okay and i asked the other day was was the school you went to your high school was it a good school and her first answer was i was valedictorian [Laughter] okay so a six you know might be uh a valedictorian just like you might think a one could very easily be a valedictorian a three might very easily be a five possibly um if they can get along with their teachers and follow the rules and all that but uh okay but you know when when when you spend some time around my mother or other sixes what you'll pick up on is is a concern that we need to we need to keep things down because daddy's going to be upset we need to make sure that this is cleaned up because if we don't you know then somebody's going to be upset i don't think ones are worried that people are going to be upset you know so the motivation for becoming valedictorian for a six might be far different than it is for a one or a three you see um that anxiety can really become very much an energy look at nines nines often won't get things done until they're in that sixth place like until the deadline and then the alarms go off and then you'll see the nine get motivated and get their crap crap turned in right um but sometimes they have to lean heavy on that unhealthy sixth place anxiety anxiety is energy okay fear can be harnessed and translated into energy so people that are afraid will get will get will make changes in their life anger is another one you know when people get angry in debt and they get angry that they can't tie their shoes without their face turning red they start to lose weight they go i'm sick of this i'm going to lose weight i'm angry at my debt i'm angry at my weight i'm mad at myself but fear also can be a great motivator you know if i don't change my diet i could end up with diabetes if i don't you know get this room cleaned up then i might get expelled from school you know if i don't clean my dorm if i don't get an a on everything then that anxiousness and maybe the self-preservation one could be a little bit like that but but that anxiety and that worry and that fear is a great motivator to get it's a great energy to get things done it's not always the best energy to get things done um you know um there may be other ways um that are more healthy to get energized like like maybe accomplishing goals um that might be another way a desire to see your life improve not just to keep the wolves at bay all right so highly anxious running on stress oh running on stress stress stress is a force that's squeezing you a force that's pressuring you there can be external stresses and there can be internal stresses there can be a lot of stress in just what the stress your mind creates your your worry and and and and uh assuming that people are going to be upset with me and people are going to be angry with me and people are turning against me and people are that's why a six in many ways needs a five wing and a seven wing right the five wing says to the six why don't you look at the actual data you know what did they say did they say that they're against you did they say that that they're forming a coalition to to to get you fired is that what they said uh no they actually just walked by laughed and said hello so maybe that's all they meant was hello and so the five is very objective the six could be a little subjective and so that objectivity could be a good balancer for the six also the seven wing what's the seven say lighten up man come on go out there and get on the stage people are gonna love you people are gonna love you go get on the stage do your report people are gonna love it it's gonna be awesome and the six might say yeah but what if they don't like it what if they throw a pie in my face and the seven says you get a pie in the face what's the big deal get a pie in the face move on laugh when you fall down laugh laugh about yourself and just roll around and get up and move on don't worry about it it's no big deal lighten up all right that's very good for a six necessary for a six all right so running on stress while complaining about it complaining about it oh you have no idea you know you have no idea what i got to do today you have no idea how hard it is you have no idea what challenges they're overcoming you have no idea i always think of six as like being in that staff meeting where somebody's being a jerk and the six leaving the staff meeting muttering under their breath to their friends oh i almost gave them a piece of my mind i just i couldn't handle it anymore i just i just i just about let loose on that person i'm just so sick and tired of it it's like oh why didn't you do that in the meeting why didn't you do that because you're a six because if i do that what's gonna happen you know you got sixes are kind of always you know four steps away from i could end up homeless and if i open up and i just let loose on somebody at work i could end up reprimanded or reprimanded it might be my third strike my third strike wouldn't mean i could lose my job and lose my job and lose my house lose my car i'm losing my kids and moving family stress right um that being said don't underestimate a five don't underestimate a six okay don't underestimate either one because i think it wouldn't surprise me if every once in a while six doesn't just let loose in one of those meetings and let you know mr magu have it um and you would think in that moment that six is an eight you know but no there are six and it's probably more like people are being mistreated here people are being not treated fair people are being mistreated i'm going to stand up for my team it's probably not just like i'm annoyed with this person's behavior or they're just getting on my nerves it's probably more like this isn't fair it's causing the group to suffer in other words photos in peril and i will fight against sauron and saruman to protect frodo i'll fight against gollum and so that boss just became gollum you know and all of your fellow employees are frodo and you'll see that six like turned into fire to protect their team they will take you know they will take the shot for their teammates they might not take it for themselves but they might take it for their teammates and so you might see a six let loose in a meeting but more often than not you'll see them come out of the restaurant oh and i almost gave him a piece of my mind i just couldn't take it anymore that was ridiculous i had to go get my arms and i had to do everything i had to do to pull it back and hold it in like really really everything took everything to hold it in okay so in other words you might see them you might see them complaining downhill let's put it that way remember private ryan you complain uphill you complain you know it's not appropriate for a sergeant to complain about his job to to the private you know you you're supposed to go uphill and take your concern to your commanding officer you know you don't go to your peers and you don't go to the people beneath you so sixes you might see them sometimes get caught in you know trying to solve problems or complaining to the people that don't that can't really do anything to change it to their teammates right go to the coach you got a problem go to the coach go the captain of the team that takes courage right okay but if you want anything changed you know it usually doesn't help to complain to your teammates um six is by the way i don't think this is in the book but i've talked to some sixes who will do something kind of like a four will do fours will test people you know to see if am i too much for you you know if i were to tell you this dark weird obscure fact about myself you know i'm like i'm picking up a box from my basement if i were to pick up a box from the basement of my soul and bear this to you and let you know that i sometimes think about this or i sometimes wonder about this or i sometimes do this thing you know would you then abandon me you probably would you probably would abandon me sixes kind of do something like that where they might know the truth about something but they want to know will you tell them the truth about something you know so i might know that you drove through and got a donut at the restaurant i might know that for some reason some reason i drove by and i saw you going through and getting the donut the six you know might ask you a series of questions that are testing you to see whether or not you'll admit to something i already know kind of put you in the spot put you in the corner just to see is this person reliable will they be trustworthy will they you know never lie to a six right the never ever behavior never lie to a six and so a six might entrap you so to speak to see if you'll be honest with them to see if you'll be truthful with them interesting okay um let's see running on stress while complaining about they're often cautious and indecisive sevens can be indecisive um so if you're going to help with your decisiveness it's probably because you're leaning on a five not on a seven you know sevens want to keep their options open because something better might come along sixes could be indecisive because maybe i don't have enough information maybe i don't have enough facts what if i choose wrong what do you think sixes always want to know what do you think you know fives want to know what the expert thinks sixes want to know what their team thinks you know go ask people that bought one and drive one what do they think how do they feel about it does this make sense to you is this it's kind of like they're sounding it like sonar they're sending the signal out and they want it to bounce back and and have some reassurance yes this is a which is which is ironic because in my mind sixes are the problem solvers if you have a problem and you need to solve go to a six go to a five they are problem solvers but when it comes to their own problems and working through their own problems sometimes sixes feel like they're disadvantaged like they don't like like they don't want to mess it up to be wrong is to have the earth split open and fall in and have asteroids you know fall on your head so sixes don't want to be wrong um and so it's very scary to live in a world where if you make a mistake you know everything could go south and so they might be a little bit indecisive because they don't want to make a mistake they don't want to get it wrong they don't want to get in trouble uh cautious but cannot but you know that caution of indecisive nature can can can make it difficult for you for example to be a leader how can you be a real leader if if everything is over analyzed and everything is suspiciously speculated about it's very hard to be a leader because people follow what they follow confidence people follow confidence they follow boldness they follow action and so this could be limiting to sixes if if it constantly causes them to um you know to be cautious or overly cautious maybe they could tap in a little bit to their counterphobic uh impulse like braveheart and lead the charge right indecisive but can also be reactive defiant and rebellious reactive defiant rebellious and again sixes can become the very coalition they fear you know sixes are afraid that people are going to turn against them and then what does a six do an unhealthy six gets very suspicious very nervous they start talking together with others and bring together a coalition they they don't necessarily complain uphill they complain sideways they bring people in they test them they make cohorts out of them and then you know the five of us are now on a team against and the very thing they're afraid of people forming coalitions against them is what they've done they've formed a coalition against against their authority against their boss or against you know the other side of the office they typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion at their best healthy sixes are internally stable self-confident at their best internally stable self-confident self-reliant courageously supporting the weak and powerless and again they'll make you feel when when they're not healthy you'll pick up the anxiety around them you'll start to feel anxious like they feel anxious and when they're healthy you'll start to feel more courageous and more like you're supported and more like you're going to be protected what i mean is like let's say a six you know um is concerned about what's going on with our food industry that's their major concern you know and you're spending time with them and they're and they're telling you all kinds of facts and information especially if they're six wing five you know did you know that uh genetically modified engineered food is lacking and is denatured and is you know and so they come out with all this information about you know the food corporations and how they're denaturing our food and how you know maybe even some foreign government is behind it to destroy the health of americans and okay what happens to you when you hear all that information you start to think is it is that true oh my goodness i didn't know any of this wow i got to be careful what i what i buy i got to be careful what i eat i got to be care now you see what just happened to me is when we share our energy remember in the bible pictures right the halos the energies coming off of you and so when you're around a six you'll start to maybe feel some anxiety like ah you know you know you raise a good point there you know i never really thought about it like that you know wow you've really inspired me to think for myself and you know i gotta why next time i go to the grocery store i'm gonna i'm gonna oh yeah that you'll start to feel yourself picking up that anxiety um that they have well that flips in reverse right when when sixes feel very secure and powerful and and like they've researched and they've got enough answers to feel confident um you know when you're in their presence they may actually be the security guard they very well could be the police officer of the security guard and you're going to start to feel like well you know i think i'm probably safe now because look how vigilant you know buster is over there he's got his eyes on every exit you know he's got a sidearm he's got eyes on every exit and uh you know he's got one phone call away from an emt and so i don't need to worry because you know the the lifeguard the lifeguard's watching me and as long as the lifeguard is vigilant then i'm i can be secure and safe and so when you're around a healthy six you know or a sixth that is a little more balanced you're gonna feel more safe and secure and and uh and supported wow we did not make it through uh through nine we only made it through two and i think our times about run up for the hour i really appreciate you guys sticking with me this long thank you and as always be present to life fives that means you've got to come out of sort of your hoarder hole you got to come out of your you know your hideaway uh you're off your remote island and come out here where the people are lean on your six wing a little bit come out where the people are and engage with with the real people not the fantasy people in your head okay and then sixes be present to life um you know rather than spiraling your thoughts as to what could go wrong and all the plans you need to make and all the um i think you know is that what they actually said did they say they were against you come back to the objective facts i didn't really talk about the lines much six you know and their unhealth can look like a three sixes want to be a part of the team threes are always mvp most valuable player they separate away from the team and accomplish more they they work harder and accomplish more than the teammates and they end up getting the trophy you know the super duper award when sixes are unhealthy you'll see them depart from their team and try to go about proving their worth and value and their their accomplishments in order to not be the target of whatever they're afraid of six is when they're really healthy they go to that nine place just hey maybe i can have some peace maybe maybe maybe things gonna work out okay maybe the real solution to this problem is there really isn't a problem and i can just let it go alright guys love you all take care thank you appreciate your support and i'll see you next time

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 4,419

Rating: 4.9534883 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, type 5, type 6, family, marriage, parenting, relationships, personalities

Id: 3MjOem73i9s

Length: 54min 31sec (3271 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 12 2021