Enneagram: The High/Low Side of Type 6

hey what's up guys thank you for joining me today we're going to be talking about Enneagram type six and we're gonna be talking about the high side and the low side of type sixes sometimes referred to you know as the paths of integration or disintegration the what sixes look like under stress and what they look like when they are healthy when they're doing well when they are relaxed and calm and so we're going to be diving in and looking at the loyal skeptic the loyal loyalist but begin with let's talk about you know some general things about sixes sixes are sometimes called the loyalists on different you know different handouts different websites but I think loyal skeptic is loyal / skeptic is better because sixes are kind of a mixed bag I mean that they are sometimes referred to as sweet and sour or hot and cold and they do kind of bounce back and forth they they want to be very loyal that's that's their nature is to want to be loyal to want to be trust trusting to want to be you know counted on and dependable but there's always that skepticism somewhere at some level in the six as to whether or not that loyalty is going to be reciprocated to them and so they tend to remain a little bit suspicious sometimes a lot suspicious as to whether or not you know others are gonna be there for them and as to whether or not they can trust the authorities that are empowered or really take care of them to really you know be supportive of them and to have their best interests at heart so six is you know they they can be when they're on your side they're on your side but if you give them reason to doubt you or if sometimes you don't have to give them reason to doubt you sometimes they just have reason to doubt you and they're suspicious then it's hard for them to you know really feel like they can attach their trust and security to you so you know - in this series of high and low we're talking about a metaphor for each type like a cabin in the woods so the cabin in the woods for six is is their cabin what happened to sticks on it that's their home that's where you live and on either side of your cabin down one lane you have another cabin that's got neighbors in it number seven and now on the other side you've got a cabin with some neighbors in it you know cabin five and you can go to either one of these cabins your neighbors and borrow from them if you're under stress or you're not sure you know how you should orient yourself or how to relate to other people you can wander down to your cabin seven for example and pick up some of the characteristics of seven that wing seven you know can help sevens maybe be a little more lighthearted not so overstressed they could help you be a little more focused on what are we doing next and how can we enjoy it and maybe we can just relax and be happy and you know we can get caught up with people and caught up in the moment and just enjoy ourselves and not taking everything so serious and that can be really helpful for sixes because sixes are you know the proverbial fear type and so they could if they weren't you know aware they could they could really you know kind of bunker in and hunker down and isolate themselves from others and just get trapped and overwhelmed in fear so that seven wing could really be helpful to you as a six and then down the other Lane you know is cabin five and cabin five you know is all about observation and investigating and getting to the facts and sorting through the facts sorting through all the data to get to the best data and information that can be very helpful for sixes as well rather than you know being afraid of everything that could happen the five wing helps you analyze the situation and assess the information to better come up with a plan that's based in reality not just based in your fears or based in your proposed realities or your projected realities of what could go wrong when you lean on the five you're observing the data in front of you and assessing you know real information and that can help relieve some of your stress and worry because as you observe the real world you might realize I'm not really in as much danger as as my mind might tell me I'm in when I actually observe reality and if you are in danger that five wing can help you develop you know a better plan based on real information not just internal fears or or proposed fears so those neighbors can be very good at balancing you out if you tend to go to one more than the other then try to learn to get to know the other neighbor just as well and as you lean on both neighbors you become much more balanced as a six and you know we want to talk about the the up and down relationship though the high and low the low think of it as at the bottom of that Hill you have an outhouse and that outhouse for you is your number of disintegration it's where you go when you're in stress it's where you go when you need relief okay so an outhouse you go down to the bottom of the hill which for you is a three four a six that's inia Graham type three and you go up to the top of the hill way above your cabin at the top of the hill is where you can eat from the fruit trees the orchard that grows up on top of the hill is for you is is Annie Graham type nine so let's talk about you know what it looks like when you go down to the bottom of the hill to the to the outhouse and you know under stress what that looks like for a type six okay so you go to three what does that mean well three you know is the achiever the is the the type that looks at obstacles and then figures out how to overcome them always is gonna land on their feet always is going to stand tall and proud and look good doing it is very concerned about where they rank with everybody else they want to pull out in front of the crowd and they want to win it's not enough just to finish the achiever wants to win and they want to distinguish themselves from the others and be admired for their ability to accomplish okay so when a six who normally is concerned about group dynamics is concerned about fitting in for example is concerned about cooperating and relating to everybody and egalitarianism and all those things that make six is great you know that they care about the community they care about all of us you know nobody falling behind and not getting too far away from the group when sixes are under pressure when sixes are under stress when sixes feel like somebody's coming for them to get them then you'll see at times when a six is under stress them sort of pull away from the group now they may be pulling away like a three you know to overachieve so as when you know the office manager comes well you can't fire me because unlike everybody else I followed all the guidelines and all the protocols and all the rules or unlike everybody else I'm networked in with the right people and I've relate well in a good relationship with all the important people and so you might see a six sort of move away from the group to overachieve or to over prepare for whatever challenges they think might be coming or you might see them withdraw from the group in a sense like lag behind like I don't know if I can give my support to this I don't know if I you know can really jump in with everybody else I've got my doubts and I've got my reservations about these policies that our boss is implementing and so I'll quietly subversively you might say oke or let's use this word covertly move myself over here away from the group and sort of show my quiet suspicion and disdain for what is being enacted in trying to be placed on all of us and you'll see a six kind of move away from the group because threes do that threes move away from the group in the sense that they move away and overcome right and they become leaders they become they distinguish themselves and so a six might when they're not healthy or when they're under stress we should say when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated or threatened you'll see them either move away in look at how I'm doing better than everybody else and so you better not come and try and get me because I'm the one who's keeping this together I'm the one who's achieving I'm the one who's overcoming I'm the one who's accomplishing more getting it all done on the due date the facts are straight you know everything's hand it in the margins are you know whatever they are quarter-inch all of its done perfectly I followed all the guidelines protocols and rules and so you'll see them move that way or you might see them you know just sort of move away usually in like a cohort you know like a cohort that they want to get two or three or more other people with them and they'll plant doubt in those people's minds and suspicions in those people's minds like maybe we need to move over here because our organization isn't moving in a safe direction and so we need to you know isolate ourselves over here until you know things blow over okay so sixes can become paranoid and mistrustful they can get caught up in fear they can question endlessly and never really feel like they get a resolved or an answer that maybe they can live with and when you and when they're in that state even if you answer their first question you can expect there to be a second question and you answer that there can be a third question and this this can go on forever you mean in theory this could go on and no matter how many experts they might go to and speak to they may never feel like they ever really can be a hundred percent sure in fact when they get to the end of all their questioning and all of their information gathering data gathering they might be just as confused as when they started well now that I've done all the reasons now that I've done all the research you know and now I've read all the websites and now that I've talked to all these you know home school moms I still don't know if I should vaccinate my kids for example take a subject like that vaccinations that's kind of one of those conspiracy theories and I'm not saying there isn't anything to it I'm just saying that's exactly one of those kinds of examples that you know could easily divide friends you don't vaccinate your kids oh my goodness or you vaccinate your kids oh my goodness and so you could take a subject like that and I'm telling you you you you go online and you read about it and you could watch youtube videos on it and you could read all kinds of books and journals and you're gonna get all kinds of conflicting answers as to whether or not it's safe quote-unquote to vaccinate your kids by the time you get done reading all of that information what I'm saying is most of us that aren't sixes most of us either aren't asking those questions or we're going to shrug our shoulders at some point and say well what are you really gonna do I mean you got to do what you got to do and you know at the end of the day we just hope for the best and we just recognize that there's always a risk but there's a risk if you don't there's a risk if you do and yeah whatever I got it I got to make a decision because they got to get enrolled in school the six on the other hand could read all that information and still get to the point you know where it's it's d-day you know and and they've got more questions than they had them when they started and so just imagine those of us that aren't sixes and I have a six wing in fact I'm a seven wing six so it's my dominant wing I can pick up a lot of that suspicious conspiracy kind of energy that doubts yourself all the time that can doubt yourself where I don't know if I really know enough what I feel like I know enough but then if somebody starts questioning me or somebody starts pointing me to other viewpoints and positions well then maybe I don't know enough maybe I need to do a little more thinking about this maybe I need to hear some more voices you know some more information and six is I think you know it's just constant there's that constant sense of of always wanting to arrive at a sure conclusion but sometimes not feeling like you're able to to really be a hundred percent on board with with a lot of things in life so sixes can get caught up you know in that doubt worried speculation gathering of information sorting through information and can become really quite suspicious people you know kind of caught in conspiracies a lot of sixes I know are very political you know they they kind of operate under that mindset that this party will keep us safe this party will keep our environment safe this party will keep us safe from terrorists this party will let us keep our guns you know and this other party you know is is out to get us and they're gonna put us all in concentration camps and they're going to you know take our guns and they're going to you know give marijuana to our kids and you know they're gonna legalize prostitution they're gonna make us kill our babies there it I mean and it's like if and if you you know don't agree with them on that political view I no one's can be like this - and so can other types I get it we're over stereotyping I understand so don't hit the panic button I'm over stereotype I'm over generalizing on all these videos but six is you know if you if you doubt them and you question them when it comes to things they have made up their mind about like sometimes politics not only are you not educated but you might get branded as downright evil because how could anybody in their right mind support the other position and what's ironic is you know there's sixes on both sides or all sides of these political debates and they're probably thinking the same thing you know how could anybody be on the other side of this issue sixes live with that proverbial thought that they're coming to get us who's they I don't know it could be anybody but they're coming to get us and they live with that kind of hot breath of the wolf pack on their neck always breathing down their neck and they're trying to stay one step ahead you know of the people coming to get them coming to take something of theirs or attack them or get them fired or you know take over their neighborhood or whatever it is it's fear is what it is it's fear and when sixes are unhealthy they live in that state of fear and when you're afraid you know the old saying right I don't have run the bear I just have to outrun you and that's when you see sixes trying to win the race they're trying to win the race not because they need the prestige or they need the applause or they need to be admired but they're trying to stay one step ahead of whoever's out to get them okay so when they're in that state of doubt you know and mistrust success can be impossible to satisfy they can become downright mutinous you know mutiny they're gonna get their cohort together and convince those people that you are not a safe person and that they should have their doubts and suspicions about you and you know sixes believe there's power in numbers and so they'll develop often around them a cohort of you might say flying monkeys you know of like-minded people who have doubts maybe for other reasons and in that group they'll find you know support and strength because that's something that six is lack is they lack that inner support and strength from themselves and so they often go out looking for others to provide that for them I know I'm being hard on sixes aren't I maybe it's cuz I have such a strong six wing I react against it you know and myself but six is you know sixes are looking for support somebody had said that six is you know it's like their internal system of guidance their internal guidance system has been damaged and so they're caught in a perpetual distrust of their own ability to solve problems and so they rely externally on information on others opinions on authorities on groups on crowds on poles they rely externally on on others for assurance that they're headed in the right direction and they're headed toward what's going to keep them safe which is ironic because sixes are known as the problem solvers you know they they are perpetually projecting scenarios of what could happen and planning to be prepared for those those unfortunate circumstances so if you're facing a challenge or difficulties you want a 6 because 6 is think of everything that go wrong and they make allowances and preparations for that but when it comes down to it it's like they don't trust their own ability to prepare even though the rest of us see them as being very prepared people so the gear that's off you might say in sixes is their ability to to quickly reason for themselves that they know enough to be ok it's like they need reassurance from outside sources that they know enough and they're ready enough that they're gonna be ok so that keeps them in a perpetual state of angst tension nervousness fear questioning you know everything that comes from that that's again now hear me say this this is sixes in the outhouse ok this is not the six cabin this is when sixes are under stress all right six is under stress are gonna be like what I'm describing here if you're like that all the time then recognize you're not living in your cabin anymore you're living in the outhouse and you can stay there for as long as you want you know if you want to stay there to get relief and you just you know or in that perpetual state of unhealth you can stay there as long as you want just realize you know most people are not going to want to come visit you when you're in that state most people are not going to want to have a relationship with you when you're locked up in that bunker of an outhouse you know planning worst-case scenarios that's not where people want to join you in life okay and I think that might be a wake-up call for some of you sixes because you live like this all the time and that means you're in a state of unhealth you need to make your way back up to your cabin it's going to take some and in some work for you to make your way back up to that cabin you're gonna have to decide first observe this is where I'm at I'm not in my cabin where I'm safe and secure I'm down in the outhouse you know on a cold stormy night and it stinks in here and I don't want to live here I don't want to stay here longer than I have to so maybe you're not convinced yet that you're in the outhouse so let's let's look a little deeper at what it looks like four six is to be in the outhouse six is my mistrust others especially those in authority they could under pressure withdraw and hide while being suspicious of the hidden agendas of others and there's probably some truth in to that there are some people that have hidden agendas but I don't think most people do at least not like sixes would think I mean people have hidden agendas like they want to get home early and so they're gonna get their work done as fast as they can and sneak out the doors thing at home early but hidden agendas like people are trying to take over and destroy and kill offices and you know destroy employees and assassinate characters and I don't think in most healthy work environments that that's the case but you know sixes and their unhealth can be suspicious of about everybody and the hidden agendas of everybody again sixes may do all they can do to avoid conflict at least outright direct conflict cause remember they're for your type they're not an anger type they're a fear type and so they may be afraid of direct conflict so they may be afraid of your agenda and not feel like they can trust you but also not have the courage to come and talk to you about it because they fear conflict and they avoid that conflict and so that's gonna make them move into covert areas of manipulation and subversion so it's see what I mean by loyal yeah they can be very loyal but they can also be very skeptical and sixes are like that sweet and sour okay there for you and then all of a sudden there to you and you don't know always what happened because sometimes the breakdown is inside them in other words they start feeling the anxiety in there in themselves and then they go looking for a wonder who's causing this anxiety and then they might decide for whatever reasons that you are especially if you're the boss because you should be making them feel safe and they don't feel safe so why and then they'll start looking for the reason why in your words in your expressions and your mannerisms and your behavior you see what happens the anxiety is felt first and then they'll start trying to figure out who's causing it see sixes are gonna feel anxiety first and then they're gonna want to act on it feeling an action are together and thinking has been separated from it they're thinking tight but they're in the middle of the thinking type which means the thinking is disconnected from feeling in action what that means is sixes are going to feel anxiety and fear and then they're immediately gonna think what do I need to do to take action to save be safe okay that's what's driving their personality then thinking is disconnected from that if you were to sit down and reason with them and say are you under threat right now are you in danger of losing your job right now is there a manager sitting in front of you who's telling you is you're okay so sixes get stuck in doubt they get stuck in maybe ambivalence and can have difficulty making decisions and stressed out sixes can get caught up in the inner conflict between appeasing other people and complying with them and rebelling against them and so that's that sweet-and-sour thing again conspiracy theories can have a hard time trusting others can again be afraid of expressing their fears and can get very aggressive and refuse to cooperate or passive aggressive and refuse to cooperate so under stress they become more Ridge they become more like they're just performing a service or a role at work and not really be very present in their work they could have frantic attempts to gather resources to ensure their survival driven to achieve results and produce results their anxiety is going to go up may become even deceitful in order to survive remember the sin of threes is deceit or try to appear more confident and more efficient which is all three stuff competency and efficiency so that's six is in their outhouse now let's suppose sixes are in their cabin where things are good and they they feel calm no stress healthy and they start to integrate up to the top of that hill where the orchard is and pick from the fruit and are healthy what does that look like when they go to nine well nines you know think are peacemakers nines are peace loving peaceful type people that that can be kind of numb to life and so in that sense like six is kind of their fears kind of subside they're less anxious and they kind of have that numbness about fear in a positive way so on the high side six is when they are more self aware and conscious can be more observant more in understanding they can still read situations and people very well but do so with more of courage and confidence and a general sense that things are going to be okay in other words they're not feeling that distress and that that breath of the you know the Wolf's chasing them down they have more courage more confidence they evaluate the data and analyze it and come to the conclusion that they're going to be okay and they have a deep interest in people and they want to be more supportive of others and they want to come alongside people and encourage them they develop stronger relationships based on mutual trust they identify with the underdog you know and the everyman they want to be more Galit Aryan more mindful of what the general person needs and how to help everybody and how we can all be benefited from decisions they're not trying to stand out and you know rise above the group but they're just supportive of the group they may still feel some of that fear and anxiety but they're able to move forward anyway they're able to go forward anyway trusting in themselves and trusting in others and act more courageously they'll accessor risks wisely and balance those and then base their decisions more on factual evidence and also on their gut and not be so distrusting of others they're more able to trust their advisers and their colleagues after consideration they have more faith in themselves and others and find the best way to move things forward despite the risks the threats the problems the potential problems that might that might happen and they're not projecting all their fears any more on on their environment and on their colleagues so in short they become more healthy more peaceful more trusting can see all sides of a situation like nines can and like nines are less suspicious and more relaxed trust their own gut and not as worried you know nines kind of have that song don't worry be happy' you know in playing in their head all the time and so at that point when sixes are healthy and they're integrated they can kind of benefit from that peacefulness and that that hope and that joy so I hope this video has been helpful to you as always you know be present to life and for a six I think that means is lucky look at look at the way things really are around you not what you think could go wrong but are you okay and if you you know really did take a pulse of life right now you might realize I'm not really under any threat I'm okay you know nobody's out to get me a lot of this is in my head and maybe maybe they're not out to get me maybe maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation maybe I could relax a little bit and maybe I'll be okay and being present to life I think for a six means - don't let your fears get the best of you you're smarter than you think you are you're sharper than you think you are and you were born to solve problems and when backed into a corner you know you can overcome you know that you have what it takes to get it done so why worry about 90% of which which won't even come to hat I won't even come to pass you'll you'll you'll stop yourself from moving forward because of your fear of what moving forward is gonna mean so take a chill pill there you go if you guys you know are helped by these videos in the description I've got a link if you want to talk I've got FaceTime and Skype and I mean we can connect other ways but I find myself doing more and more appointments with people just you know talking them through you know what's going on in their life from the perspective of the inia Graham and it seems to be really helpful to people so that information is in the description whatever I can do to help you I'm on your side and I just want to come alongside of you and and like I'd like a six would say be supportive of you all right guys take care and blessings

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 28,453

Rating: 4.9295597 out of 5

Keywords: Enneagram, Family, love, relationships, home, personalities, parenting, type 6, type six, enneagram type 6

Id: elzh8eFkwsY

Length: 32min 35sec (1955 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 29 2020