Enneagram Types as Children (Types 1-5)

welcome to part one of enneagram childhood experiences in this episode i'll cover the typical childhood experiences for types one through five and on the next episode i'll cover types six through nine ready let's get into it one of the first things that really blew me away about the enneagram was that each type had its own childhood description that helps explain their present day personality i know when i read the childhood experience for type 1 i felt very seen it described the most pivotal experiences of my childhood and even went so far as to describe the potential personality of my mom and dad now for those of you that know how deep the enneagram is it's probably no surprise that the enneagram has a special analysis of your childhood since it's by far the most pivotal seasons of our lives it's when nature and nurture go head to head and we either maintain a great deal of our original essence or we start becoming entrenched in our ego which as you know shapes our personality so with that said let's take a look at each type's childhood experience now before i dive into these core descriptions i want to explain a particular enneagram theory that i'll use in each description called the original wound theory it's something that i picked up from richard rohr and it's the idea that we actually are born as the personality type that we go to in health or integration and if you're not familiar with the movements of integration disintegration please go check out my episode on how the enneagram works it's a super short episode but it covers a few concepts that are essential for understanding what i'm about to say so anyway the original wound theory works like this i'm a type 1 and type 1's movement of integration is to go to type 7. that would mean that in my earliest years i'm talking from the moment i took my first breaths i would have behaved like a type 7 enthusiast because we're not born with an ego we're just born with a pure essence but as it goes in life something painful happened that made me question who i am and how i operate in the world you could say that pain wounded my essence and as a result i began to embody the ego of type 1 reformers which is where type 7 goes in unhealth or disintegration this original wound can happen at any point in our childhood and it can be the sudden impact of a singular traumatic event or the slow burn of a more subtle trauma but either way it will happen and it will shape who we become for the rest of our lives now if this original wound theory just seems overly depressing or unrelatable then i apologize i've just found it to be an unavoidable part of almost everyone's journey through self-awareness no matter how charmed your childhood may have been so since i kinda already started talking about us type ones let's start by describing their childhood experience first type one reformers like i said a moment ago type 1 reformers start out looking like type 7 enthusiasts we're usually loud and energetic kids that are captivated by our imagination and we have an inherent belief that the world is magical and fun and the idea of a benevolent god creating a world for our enjoyment is pretty much accepted without question however as we grow up we start to realize that there's a disconnection between us and our father figure or the person who is meant to be the protective figure in the family which is just traditionally the father typically our father figure lacks warmth and feels way more comfortable punishing children than affirming them and i know this was the case for me as i had an extremely irritable and alcoholic father that just believed it was better to be feared than loved so given this tense relationship with the father figure one start to perceive all authority figures as untrustworthy and our ego tells us that we can make a more perfect environment with way better rules and so we begin this process of perfecting things starting first and foremost with ourselves we take that critical voice of our father and we just ratchet it up a few notches so that we're never really satisfied with anything or anyone especially ourselves and anyone close to us has to meet those same unforgiving standards otherwise their presence in our lives may become another source of pain and punishment and punishment is huge for once because again our fathers rarely celebrated our successes but always punished us for our failures and that's why one's become so judgmental of what they perceive as bad behaviors it's not that they want to feel superior although that's certainly a byproduct but because they are driven to be good in order to avoid painful punishment or even worse divine wrath and this continues on throughout our lives and every behavior every comment every life decision is rationalized over and over again to avoid this imagined impending doom which brene brown calls foreboding joy and ones are masters of foreboding joy overall ones believe that their integrity and wise decision making is the key to rekindling the joy and freedom of their childhood and ultimately the lost childhood message of the one is that you are good so have a good time type two helpers as children two started out looking like fours and they felt inherently special due to the amount of attention that they easily received however something caused this direct adoration to fade it could have been having multiple siblings that needed to be taken care of or financial crisis of some kind that calls for the kids to help pitch in more whatever it was it stole their whimsical sense of the world as a place where being loved was just assumed and turned it into a place where love had to be earned the major shift that occurs between moving from this four essence to the two ego is that fours aren't so much ashamed of their needs and they're almost proud of them as they make them unique whereas twos are very ashamed of their needs and begin to repress them and once twos are wounded by the fact that they're no longer a central figure in their family they become envious competitive and subconsciously begin to seek out ways to make someone or something need them and many two children will ask for a pet or find a younger friend that always relies on them for something and this cultivates a belief system centered around the idea that you must give something to get something and twos feel that if they provide something it's only fair to expect that love and attention be returned and this barter system is also an attempt to avoid clearly asking for things they need because twos as children felt it was selfish to ask for anything when there were so many other needs around them it's ironic because both twos and fours are self-centered but there's an honesty to the four's self-centeredness while the two is so focused on repressing self-centeredness that it actually becomes impossible to truly focus on anyone else type 2's lifelong attempt to earn love through personal sacrifice is the embodiment of their lost childhood message which is that you are loved simply for being yourself and your needs do not make you less lovable type three achievers as children threes looked like sixes and they enjoyed the activity and support of their family and authority figures but the three's ego perked up as soon as they got their first round of applause for doing something good it's like if you've ever seen a baby try ice cream for the first time and their eyes light up that's what praise did for the little baby achiever they started out with a desire just to be another part of the team but over time that team which is usually the family unit begins to crack or crumble entirely threes quickly realize that they could potentially be lost in the shuffle of their chaotic environment and that the quickest way to maintain people's attention is with a stellar performance threes rarely had an example of a calm quiet stability model for them and what was exemplified was a form of public hyperactivity that's not to say that they weren't told they were special and free to do anything they wanted but what they perceived was an imbalance in their nurturing figures words and actions and that's a really important statement so i don't want to breeze past it i know many threes have a really hard time saying critical or negative statements about their loved ones especially their moms but you have to know that it's okay to critique your loved ones even if they're doing their best an important characteristic of type 3's childhood experience is that they are deeply affected by their nurturing figure and most often the mother is the nurturing figure in the family threes tend to have a mother who subconsciously creates an expectation of extroverted excellence so for example playing the piano is all good and well but what would be even better is to play the piano in front of the whole school at the talent show this is caused by a deep disconnection with shame that permeates the entire family seeking external praise and affirmation is just a way to help numb the pain of social guilt and shame and ultimately the lost childhood message of the three is that you are loved for who you are not what you do so feel free to sleep in read a book and chill and i added that last part because my wife is a three and i've seen her benefit so much from feeling that kind of permission and those kind of activities type 4 individualists as children fours actually looked and felt like ones they had a primal sense of creation being perfectly in order and in their earliest years fours had a glimpse of the world they will spend the rest of their lives imagining however fours quickly realized that their version of reality did not match their parents view of reality and they started to feel like outsiders in their own home and the classic childhood experience of fours is feeling like neither of their parents truly gets them one parent may give praise to readily which is easily dismissed by the four since they know when they've actually done something really beautiful or special and the other parent is often distant or stingy with praise which is also dismissed since the four sees themselves as extremely capable and unique and worthy of attention and praise so if someone doesn't give them that they're probably a fool so what happens fours begin crafting a world inside of themselves that they can escape to for hours on end and their parents usually chalk it up to having a whimsical childhood imagination rather than recognizing the deep identification their child has with this perfect imaginary world this disconnect with both parents leads force to seek out a rescuer of some kind be it a playmate a love interest or just a replacement parental figure like a neighbor or teacher that can mirror and affirm their vision of otherworldly beauty and perfection and ultimately the lost childhood message of the four is that you are seen for who you are and what you see is wondrous beautiful and necessary type 5 investigators as children fives embodied the power of eights they had a primal sense of being connected to a limitless power source like a god of some kind that allowed them to feel capable of controlling their environment it's very common for type fives have had a deeply held belief in an all-power omniscient god that protected and empowered them as a child however their sense of power and control was quickly fractured by an experience that made them aware of just how out of control they actually were my brother is a type 5 and i know he had a season as an only child when my parents were financially stable and you know had a healthy spiritual life and my dad's drinking wasn't out of control yet but then i was born and financial stress entered the house and my dad started drinking more and eventually got physically aggressive so my brother coped by escaping inside himself he lived in his room with his books and his video games and his computer because he knew if he came up out of that mental hiding place there was nothing for him except a minefield of traumatic experiences type 5 children turn their attention away from the passionate emotions of their type 8 essence and into a world of objective rational or technical subjects since fives feel that their nurturing figure did not protect them from chaos and pain they also begin to prioritize their independence over emotions and social connections essentially they start to deny the feminine aspects of themselves that's a huge aspect of type 5's personality as an adult fives may truly love their mothers but they see them either as a symbol of weakness or a hindrance to their self-sufficiency this over emphasis on personal independence causes fives to see social situations and emotional vulnerability as a risk since they think they have to provide a unique gift or technical skill of some kind rather than feeling free and comfortable simply showing up as they are with the hopes of cultivating a mutually beneficial relationship ultimately the lost childhood message of the five is that your desires are not a problem and it's okay to need people all right that's a wrap on part one of enneagram childhood experiences be sure to check out part two where i'll cover the childhood experiences of types six through nine if you haven't already i'd appreciate it if you'd like share subscribe or review you've gotta type on itunes it all really helps spread the good word about the enneagram and it just feels good to hear that this show has benefited you in any way as always i'm your host colton simmons and i'll see you next time on you've gotta type

Channel: You've Got a Type

Views: 15,719

Rating: 4.9615383 out of 5

Keywords: Enneagram, Personality Types, Self-Help, Enneagram Types, Self-Awareness, Spirituality

Id: gW2ZPWY9OfQ

Length: 13min 20sec (800 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 27 2021