Enneagram: Intro To Types 7-8

hey what's up guys thank you for joining me today my name is dr tom lehu and i want to welcome you to my channel and we're going to be talking about an introduction to enneagram types 7 8 and 9. and i want to thank you for for clicking on this video and i hope it's helpful to you if you are one of those types or you live with one of those types my goal is to help you understand more about yourself or the people that are in your life in the description below is a link to my website tomlahu.com and there's information on my website about booking coaching appointments if i can help you in any way uh please feel free to book one of those appointments i know i'm probably a couple weeks out but i'd love to hear from you and also we are offering now a certificate program in enneagram coaching so if you want to do what i do with people and help use the enneagram to help people better their lives and help their relationships help them find their type and understand what health looks like and balance looks like then i'd love for you to consider joining one of our cohorts we do keep those small and we'd love for you to uh to to to be a part of it it's an exciting fun interaction on zoom last six weeks and uh and and i'd love for you to if you're interested in helping people to uh to be a part of one of those those cohorts also thank you to my patrons i really appreciate your support for for my channel it's awesome knowing there's people behind me that that uh are benefiting from the content and um and i just want to thank you all right so let's talk about sevens eights and nines and we're looking at uh the old faithful standard here the wisdom of the enneagram by riso and hudson i this is one of the first books that i read when i started learning about the enneagram and uh literally i tore it up i mean so you can see like every page you know underlined highlighted and i really benefited from this book early on and i it really challenged my thinking and and helped me understand more about um the people that are in my life all right so let's talk about and we're just looking at the beginning of it the introduction where he talks about each type and i'm just kind of reading them off and evaluating what he's saying and uh you know seeing what it sparks my mind to think about i've been blessed to have uh 30 years now in ministry working with people and um and now understanding you know before i understood the enneagram and i i never say i'm an expert in it i believe i'm a student of it i don't know that i don't know that i'll ever be or any of us will ever be experts but i think we should all be students of personality and students of of understanding people and trying to understand people and better relate to them and be healthier ourselves and um this has been a very helpful book in in in that journey so let's let's let's look at the introduction here um the enthusiast okay so i am a seven uh seven wing six social seven and so i i feel like i can talk about this type and i've had a lot of appointments with other sevens um and i've you know been had the opportunity to observe a lot of sevens and talk to a lot of sevens being a seven myself as an insider i understand the way this process works and now you know now that i understand the enneagram better i can observe my seven-ness it's pros it's cons it's weaknesses and everybody thinks oh would it be great to be a seven they're such fun people they have so much fun um okay yeah i'm happy being a seven and i don't know what i'd rather be so i'm i'm good with it but you know like every personality type there's certainly a dark side to to every personality type uh but let's let's see what the the book says about the seven the busy productive type okay i like busy i don't know that sevens are always productive um seven's um it's the tendency of a seven to be over focused on on on one thing at a time i know that sevens look like they're kind of scattered right you know i mean if you're around a seven it's like they've got their hand and everything but the tendency for sevens is they get excited about something or enthusiastic about something and it can be anything i mean it literally can be anything it can be their work at least for a time it can be their work it can be um some hobby that they are interested in it can be some activity like mountain biking or kayaking or you know four-wheel uh four-wheelers um it could be anything it could be a topic um it could be the enneagram okay it could be um marriage um um and family information and books and seminars and conferences it could be anything and when a seven is inspired and that's what sevens often do they they get inspired and they tend to inspire others when sevens um i'm in fact i'm going to write that down because i want to put that in my notes later i'm taking notes on myself okay um okay when sevens are inspired in some uh some topic some interest it can consume them it can be all they think about um they're watching videos on it they're ordering magazines about it they're they're going to the store to look at it to purchase it to put it on layaway and it's like everything in them wants to be consumed by whatever their interest is at the time and they will go to five and be completely focused even when it's not appropriate to be that focused um you know it's not uncommon remember sevens their superpower is teleportation right and so they they might go up to a family reunion and they're supposed to be at the family reunion and they might just sneak away and drive off for an hour or two and just disappear where are they oh they're since they're in another city you know they need to find the guitar store in that other city because you know they've gone to their guitar store 15 times and they're looking at every guitar and you know researching and studying and about to purchase one but now they're in a different city and so i need to sneak away from this family reunion and check out this guitar store and see what they have here at this store that they don't have at my store back home and they may not really be appropriate you know some might say it might not be appropriate to leave your family reunion to go off and look for but but it's like everything within the seven is so focused on whatever their interest is at the time that they feel compelled and impulsed away from what they're doing or what they might need to be doing seven has aligned to one do what needs to be done they move away from that toward what they're interested in at the time and everything in them wants to be over focused or a little ocd you know obsessive compulsive on whatever it is they're focused on in that moment and it changes they get they they when a seven feels like they know enough about something that they feel like they've pretty well understood it they might get bored with whatever it is they're focused on and move on to something else sevens and ones could both look a little ocd but ones it's going to be like i want all the cabinets straight i want all the books lined up i want i want the floor perfect polished clean sevens are not necessarily going to be like that but it's going to be whatever they're interested in right now everything within them wants to focus on that that's all they want to talk about they they basically are selling whatever they're interested in all the time and i think sevens could make good sales uh people if they if they remain passionate about whatever it is they're selling and that's that that could be a challenge so busy yes productive sometimes sometimes very productive if it's something that they're interested in and something that they're focused on the problem is is let's say right now let's say i was focused on mountain bikes and i'm not but let's say i was focused on mountain bikes it's the tendency of a seven to go in their office when they should be working on other things and spend all of their time learning about researching on the computer watching videos looking at catalogs everything about mountain bikes because that's what they're into right now you ask a seven hey what are you into right now be prepared to learn something be prepared to get excited about something you know sevens are enthusiastic and they tend to share now what happens if there's nothing that they're interested in well you'll see a seven look very depressed sevens could look a little bipolar because they're manic and excited and passionate and you know about whatever it is they're excited about but what if what if they're in between interests or what if there's nothing to really be focused on or they feel hindered like they can't focus their attention on something like it's inappropriate they'll get in trouble if they spend money or time away from what needs to be done you'll see a seven collapse because they feel restricted they feel like their freedom to just pursue their interest is restricted and you might see a seven get depressed think ariel under the sea you know she's surrounded by this great collection of stuff all of it's very interesting right but she's not interested in what what's available to her she's interested in the world outside of what's available to her and that's seven's focus of attention is going to be on what is not available to them or what is on the other side of the fence or something they might be missing out on remember the sin of seven is gluttony and so i need this new mountain bike i need this new experience i need to raise the level of what we're doing now to something greater and you can see what sevens are chasing right they're chasing after their interest they're chasing after uh whatever they're passionate about but what we don't often think about is what are sevens running away from that feeling of being stuck that feeling of boredom that feeling of of being limited or not satisfied and obviously you know it could be very helpful for a seven to sit in a chair and uh and and to just you know 20 30 minutes focus on nothing do nothing have no music have no no magazines no phone and just sit there for a moment and allow yourself to feel the boredom allow yourself to feel the uh being stuck and realize that you know there there's a there's a certain blessedness in in not pursuing anything in having that sort of rest of mind because sevens can be quite restless and so disciplining yourself to sit still which has sevens always have a hard time with sitting still i mean we're the people that tap our feet and move back and forth and you know have to click our pins when we're talking there's a real piece that that can be found in just sitting still i mean in a sense sitting still is the easiest thing to do in the world it takes no energy yet for a seven it takes a lot of energy to sit still um sevens also are the people everybody wants to be around everybody wants to be around a seven okay well then let me just ask you seven why do you have such a hard time just being around yourself just being around yourself sitting still and when you can sit still for 30 minutes and realize that your head doesn't explode your eyes don't melt out of your head then maybe maybe you can realize you know i'm really okay with with not revving my mind on something i'm really okay with not going to the guitar store or going to the mountain bike store or or looking up more information about whatever it is i'm interested in i'm actually okay just sitting here just waiting just being at peace and i don't necessarily need to be as restless as i i might be compelled to be okay so busy and productive again can be quite productive when they're focused on what it is they're doing but when their focus is shifted away from what it is they're doing seven could really struggle with being productive okay sevens are very versatile versatile i mean we can go with the flow we can go with whatever is you know needs to be done right now versatile optimistic yes we want to see the best we want to see the opportunities we want to see what could be we tend to be positive and we tend to move away from things that are negative negative things um you know negative feelings negative they're not really negative right i mean they are feelings they're labeled as negative for for some reason they're labeled as unpleasant or negative but you know i mean it's like everything else what what one food that's pleasant to one person or one flavor one spice is pleasant to one person is unpleasant to another and so i think sevens could learn a little bit from fours in this that you know and and some other types i'm sure but i think of fours in particular who who you know kind of let me just say it like as a joke or a tongue-in-cheek you know a four they might not run away from what a seven would run away from a seven might think oh being at home and thinking about you know my father passing away and sadness no no i don't want to i don't want to lean into that i want to lean away from that i'm going to go go see a movie i'm going to go call a friend i'm going to go you know to the beach and go for a walk or something anything other than to sit there and you know cry into a pillow that just seems really unpleasant i don't want to choose to do that and i think force for example might say there's there's a pleasantness uh there's a richness that's ex that can be had in experiencing the full spectrum of emotions sevens could learn a lot from that again i think if if if a seven could allow themselves to dial up all their emotions then maybe they wouldn't have to work so hard to try to attain the happy emotions you know sevens can really work very diligently and work very hard to try to to feel the happy feelings to feel the joyful feelings and it's kind of like all of our emotions have been dialed down and so we've got to work really hard to try to gain that happy feeling and we'll do some pretty crazy stuff you know to to be happy ourselves and to make others happy but if we could lean into all of our emotions and allow ourselves to be okay with some of the negative emotions maybe we wouldn't have to work so hard to to chase after the happy stuff if we just felt everything a little more okay so optimistic spontaneous yes like otters right spontaneous um you say two way seven hey where do you wanna go eat you know ns7 is like oh dude we could go to that new taco place oh no wait better yet let's go to let's go to see it's this could be better the one down the street that we usually go to is fine but i know this other one that's really great we should try it it's spontaneous let's do this thing that i just thought of you know it's who i am now it's it's uh it's my my new dream you know that let's do that playful high-spirited and practical okay and even the way like i do videos on the enneagram you know i focus on without trying i can't help but focus on the practical aspects you know you won't find on this channel let's get dusty and crusty and musty and let's get ethereal and let's talk about you know all of the deep origins and the theory of all of this i i can't help but want to focus on well how does this make us better i mean how does this really help us how does this help us relate to others how does this help us you know not be such a goofball how does this help us you know be healthier people and more balanced people so sevens tend to be very practical minded um upbeat positive and that all sounds great i mean who doesn't want to be around that who doesn't want to be more like that but you know taken to an extreme i think sevens we could probably be annoying we could probably come across a little bit grating or annoying to some people at some times you know people that want their space people that want for example that want everything planned out and organized and they believe in you know boundaries and space and and everybody keeping their boundaries sevens could just kind of step over all those boundaries and maybe say things that they think are funny that aren't necessarily appropriate and maybe go with the flow so much that maybe they could frustrate people that that want everything pinned down on a schedule and and you know why are you in my office because we're not we don't have a time scheduled to chit chat and you're just kind of social butterfly moving around chit chatting with everybody and you're wasting time i remember when i was uh one of my first jobs was a as a dishwasher in a uh in a pretty large bakery everybody needs you know those kinds of jobs at some point in their life those terrible jobs that you know you and you guys know what i'm talking about right those terrible jobs that that make you appreciate a good job everybody needs those kind of jobs and i remember being a dishwasher in a baby i'm think i'm a seven i don't know i'm a seven but i'm i didn't know at the time but i'm a seven i'm 17 years old 16 years old i'm in a dishwasher by myself in this large bakery you know there's people there's lots of people out there they're all quietly you know making cakes and muffins and biscuits and all these things that they make you know and i'm in the dish room away from everybody washing dishes for eight hours a day not a good job for a seven you know and i would come out of the dish room and i would walk around and talk to people and i just couldn't stand being stuck in that dish room for eight hours at a time you know so i'd go out and i'd walk around i'd talk to people and i'd what are you guys doing and well that's really cool i mean and so i was learning stuff and i was having conversations and at one point i remember my manager who was probably like an 8 or a 1 or you know just looking at me saying your butt comes out of that dish room one more time your job is over you're fired [Music] the funny thing is is he was he was kind of a jerk and everybody knew it i'm not saying because he was an eight or a one i'm not saying because of that he just he was a jerk he got fired the next day and uh so we got a new manager and and then i remember doing something that i've read about sevens too is sevens have sort of a soft rebellion in other words we don't want to be directly rebellious because we know that if if i push my manager too far he has the ability to make me work on saturdays and i don't want to be hindered my freedom hindered so i'm going to be kind and friendly and outgoing i'm going to make friends with the manager the new manager so that he won't schedule me you know to be stuck in the dish room and so when the new manager was hired i made an effort to befriend the new manager and it wasn't long before i was out of the dish room and making cupcakes now making cupcakes was a lot better okay it was a lot better than working in the dish room because at least i was out there on the floor and i could talk to people while i was making cupcakes so um i just tell that story to illustrate that sevens have a hard time being stuck and they have a hard time uh being alone sometimes um they may have a hard time limited options limited freedom and that's going to feel painful to most sevens okay sevens can be over extended yes over extended because we want to do it all and sometimes we can have a hard time actually agreeing to one option like putting it down on the calendar can feel difficult for sevens because if i commit to this going to this party or going to this event then that means i don't have freedom and i and i'm spontaneous i know i'm spontaneous and what if something better comes along or what if i don't feel like it at the moment and that i'd be trapped at this event i would be trapped at this party i would be trapped um you know and so sevens can have a hard time committing to things i think when sevens finally do commit they can be very committed people because they realize they've had to tell themselves you know to remain committed to something and that that is not easy for a seven to do and so when they do it it must be something that's very important to them so you might feel like oh i'm with a seven and they're just so fly by night and they they're not committed if they're still with you realize that that for them that's like they're making a decision all the time to remain committed to do the right thing to be faithful to to not give up because in the mind of a seven it's kind of like you know why am i still at this job i could be anywhere why am i not on the streets of paris right now why am i not walking around a tourist in rome why am i not on the on the beaches of california why am i not walking through new york city i'm making a decision to be here and i'm limiting my choices when i could be everywhere and so when sevens finally do commit you know that really is a commitment because sevens kind of want to just move and go with the flow you know whatever seems right at the time they could be overextended scattered and undisciplined and like i said we could seem very undisciplined to people that you know want everything tied down and buttoned up they constantly seek new and exciting experiences that's true on the other hand though i don't know if it's because i'm a counter seven or maybe i just limit myself but you know i i tend to go to the same restaurants and order the same meals um i wear the same shirts i i why this says you like new and exciting new and exciting and i do i do love new and exciting like when i think about going on a vacation or going away for the weekend i want to go somewhere new and i want to learn i want to i want to go somewhere historical and learn something and and do some new things that i've never done before but when i go to a restaurant it's like i look at the menu and i think i want to try it all i really do want to try it all how do i know what is the best thing on the menu and you wouldn't unless you try it all and i'm not really looking for the best things in life but i just want to know what all the options are and i even as a child i remember looking my you know my aunt taking me to a candy candy store or the section you know like the walgreens in that whole candy area and she's saying pick something out now that seems like a rather simple task go pick out you know candy i just remember being overwhelmed as you know a five-year-old overwhelmed with how could i possibly pick something out you know how can i possibly know what what i want i mean there's so many options and i haven't tried any of them you know i've tried like three of them so how how could i possibly i need to try them all i need to try them all in order to know which one i want and that's the way a seven would think you know so when i go into a restaurant i just kind of realize i don't wanna i don't wanna be the person that tries everything on the menu i don't want to go through all of what it would take to find out what the best thing is so i'm just gonna order the same thing it's kind of like the seven going to one you know just kind of like i'm going to give up and i'm just going to because this nobody wants to sit there and wait for me to order you know and then i might end up with something i don't like so just order the same thing every time and and maybe it's because i'm counter seven i don't know but it just seems overwhelming like how because i really would want to try everything on the menu and then i'd want to go to every other restaurant you know and try everything on those menus and then be able to compare and say of all the mexican restaurants you know this is my favorite one and these three dishes are my favorite but over at this one these two dishes are my fav and it's like do i really at the end of the day want to go through all of that trouble i'll just order the same thing which by the way is always enchiladas verdes chicken it's my favorite all right so um undisciplined they constantly seek new and exciting experiences now again that can that sounds like a great thing who doesn't want to go let's go do something new let's go do something exciting okay but realize that this could be a source of contention for the people that you're in relationship with um they might at times feel like you're unsatisfied um remember sevens what are they looking for satisfaction mick jagger is probably a seven okay can't get no satisfaction sevens are gluttons and gluttons have an empty gut right that's never full there's always more and always more is needed well you can see where this could be a problem in a relationship because the other person might start to think that well i guess i'm not enough for you because you don't ever really seem satisfied okay not feeling satisfied is something within the seven it may not have anything to do with the content or the the connection in the relationship but a seven might look unsatisfied like they're wanting something new like they they're not they're they're bored at home or they're bored in this and what we're doing now they want to get away from what we're doing now the other people that live with that seven might start to get the feeling that well i guess they're not satisfied with me i guess they're not satisfied in this relationship and just realize that it may not have anything to do with you or anything to do with the relationship it's just the compulsion of the seven to feel like you know i i need something more that then that and you may not realize like why other people might get hurt around you as a seven but they may feel like they're being abandoned at times like they're not enough and they're being abandoned and you know they're left at the family reunion and you're off at the guitar store okay constantly see new and exciting but they can become distracted distracted okay distracted by what well whatever's new whatever is interesting or whatever they're obsessed about at the time and so they're supposed to be you know out with the family on a picnic but what are they thinking about mountain bikes and they may realize that talking about mountain bikes all the time is frustrating the people around them so they may not talk about mountain bikes because they don't want to frustrate the people in their family or that they're relating to so they may just get quiet because do you really want me you want me to talk about mountain bikes 24 hours a day 24 hours a day because i can i'm an enthusiast i could be excited about it and i could talk about it and that's all i want to think about and it's all i want to talk about and i can't help but just be compelled to be focused over focused on this thing and the people around you might think i don't want to hear about mountain bikes anymore okay well then i'll just i'll just keep it all inside and then they can feel like you're not connecting with them or you're not open with them that you're being closed or you're distracted you're distracted like you're not really there and that's part of my tagline in my videos is being present to life is it's easy for a seven to be distracted away from what they're doing because their mind and their energy is over focused on what they're not doing on what they don't have and so they might miss the experiences that are right in front of them they might miss the experiences and the people that are that are trying to connect with them okay uh distracted exhausted by staying on the go they typically have problems with superficiality and impulsiveness superficiality sevens like to keep things positive they keep things upbeat they like to keep things moving they like to keep things you know easy sevens and nines have that in common i think we like to keep things easy and simple and i think sevens and nines could get along pretty good we could drive across the country and see a lot of great things and do a lot of fun stuff nines would probably go with us right so that is a good thing to keep things light and positive and upbeat but what about when things aren't light and positive and upbeat what about when somebody in you're close to is suffering okay suffering one of the ways that you can serve someone who is suffering is by entering into that suffering with them now that could be hard for us heaven because they might feel like if i enter into that suffering i might never get out you know uh i don't wanna i don't wanna go there uh but one of the ways that you show love to people is by is by being with them and not by just always pulling them out of you know get well soon get well soon in other words i don't want to be around sick people get well soon but why don't i ever send a card you know just says hey i know you're sick and i'm sorry and i love you and i'm just gonna sit here with you and be with you and help you it's gonna be hard for sevens maybe to to move in that direction we tend to move in the get well soon you know hey let me know when you feel better until then and that could feel very superficial like the relationship is superficial and impulsive and i think we could look very important i think all of us are impulsive every type moves in their impulses right but sevens look like the classical definition what people think of as impulsive like i'm supposed to be here but oh i'm going on oh oh you know moving away from what i'm doing to what i not doing yet at their best healthy sevens focus their talents on worthwhile goals becoming joyous joyous worthwhile goals you know that's i think a lot of us going to one before we end up there saying what needs to be done you know what am i really supposed to be doing right now why don't i focus my attention now that feels difficult so the one is kind of telling you what should you be doing right now and the five is saying focus your attention focus your attention on what one doing what needs to be done right now but i want to talk about mountain bikes but we're not talking about mountain bikes right now that would not be focused that would look scattered that would look that would look like you're you know not present to what needs to be done part of the problem too is sevens are assertive types and we don't mind messing up i mean we don't mind if we get a pie in the face and we tend to think that we're gonna land on our feet it's gonna be great we're gonna land on our feet we'll be able to schmooze people with our friendliness like i did with my manager right i'll be able to schmooze an audience and so i've got to do a presentation on friday i'll put it off put it off because what i'm focused on mountain bikes and i don't want to focus on my presentation and i tend to know it's probably going to be all right i'll i'll be able to win people over with my friendliness and my charm and um i'll i'll land on my feet and even if i don't now i'll reframe it into it was fine and so that get all of that could work together to keep the seven from maybe being as productive as they could be um if they could focus their attention and you know maybe hear a little of the six oh this could end up bad oh i could get in trouble hear a little bit of that voice that might help us evan you know be a little more productive superficiality and pull out their best sevens okay worthwhile goals becoming joyous joy i've done a lot of study on happiness and joy um in fact i've got a series of videos that i'm gonna make available here soon on on uh youtube so watch for them all unhappiness and happiness you know is what sevens are chasing after satisfaction happiness happiness and joy are so different and yet so similar um joy is a little bit more like a decision than happiness happiness is a result of i got what i wanted i'm doing what i wanted so i'm happy joy is like i'm not necessarily doing what i want or getting what i want and yet i'm deciding to go ahead and move into that happy space joy is really the challenge for sevens because when sevens are joyous they can bring happiness everywhere they go but seven sometimes aren't very joyous they tend to think i'll be joyous if i got what i wanted if i could just go to the bike store and buy another bike then i'd be happy but that tends to wear off and the focus of our attention tends to go on what we don't have and what we're not doing so those things that make us happy are always just temporary but joy is something that we can have at any time and when sevens can figure that out and be joyful people what do they do they inspire joy and happiness everywhere they go and that's i think why sevens are on earth is to reflect the joy of god in in in this world so joyous highly accomplished and full of gratitude gratitude that's a hard one again think the little mermaid she's in a cavern filled with stuff is she grateful for it no she's not grateful for what she has she's ambivalent toward what she has and the focus of her attention is on what she doesn't have so she's not grateful grateful is a choice grateful is looking around at what we have and saying i don't need anything else what i have is sufficient what i have is is is good and i'm grateful for that sometimes less really is more um one good book is better than a shelf full of books that i don't really care about all right so let's move on to type eight i can already tell we're not going to get to nine poor nines are just gonna have to wait well if anybody has to wait it's probably a best that it's a nine because they tend to know that of course i'm gonna have to wait what's new right so let's let's move on to type eight the challenger um the challenger type eight uh all right so let's see what he says a powerful yes remember the superpower of the eight is superpower right uh what's the superpower of the seven uh teleportation i guess because that's yeah okay superpower of the five is invisibility um i'll have to go back and remember what those are because i don't necessarily remember them all right the super pow i always think of the nine as a super power as being able to see other people's perspectives but maybe that's maybe there's there's probably a meme floating around that has all those on it the powerful this is the eight the powerful they want to feel powerful okay they don't want to feel vulnerable this is very interesting they want to feel their power they don't want to feel like they could be taken advantage of so anything that feels like vulnerability like weakness indecision helplessness like they're not in control of things they tend to like ball that up and then throw it away from themselves which is ironic because that's exactly the keep in mind right so the focus of their attention is on vulnerabilities even though they don't want to be vulnerable they don't want to see their own vulnerabilities so where is the focus of their attention on vulnerabilities it's kind of like if i said all right there's gonna be like you know i'm gonna take five or six little red dots and i'm gonna put them on the ground and the person comes in and i said now uh you want the floor to be completely clear of red dots where does their attention go it goes to all the little red dots that's where their attention is going to go and so they pick them all up and they put them away from themselves they go in the next room what are they going to see all the little red dots because that's what they don't want to exist in their room they don't want there to be any red dots on their floor so when they come into the room your room what are they going to see they're going to see the things that make you vulnerable now that gives them an advantage when they decide to go on the attack right because they know exactly what you're vulnerable about in other words they know where your weaknesses are that's where their eye goes their eye goes to protect their own weaknesses so it points out yours now that sounds like a terrible thing right ooh that sounds terrible okay well it also works in a positive way so what if there's somebody whose whole floor is red dots i mean somebody who literally just is helpless this person cannot change their their own life right so a person who is helpless like think a disabled person or disadvantaged person an elderly person or an infant okay the eight will see that and they're actually drawn to the vulnerable they're drawn to true vulnerability and they will coddle it and they will cuddle it and they will they will admire it and they will appreciate it and they will protect it they're drawn to the vulnerable the very thing that they don't like to acknowledge in themselves is what they're drawn to defend the helpless that's such a beautiful interesting thing um that's worth really appreciating that if the eight has something that truly is vulnerable they will defend like for example let's say the eight has a little child um you know a little toddler and they turn on a television show for that child and something something brutal happens on the show you know some some some character in the show says a curse word or pokes somebody in the eye or says something mean you know shut up or whatever the aid is probably going to be inclined although they themselves might be inclined to do those behaviors they're going to turn that off to protect the innocence of their child no in our house we're only watching little bear in our house we're only watching you know pbs kids we're not watching you know ren and stimpy or beavis and bud head or even you know uh bart simpson we're not watching any of that stuff we're not watching tv at all they might go to extremes it's not unlike ates to go to extremes right and be intense about it but like i it's like the thinking is i have this little precious vulnerable child that is being molded and shaped i'm not going to expose them to that garbage they're going to watch you know these shows about kindness and love and friendliness and sweetness and all these things that innate they themselves might struggle with uh is what they want to protect in this innocent little innocent you know person and it's rather interesting you know how that works so the powerful dominating type dominating again they may not realize they're dominating because they're just being alive they're just being a person but aids tend to like step in and just take over things they just if they can't like be in charge of it or being in control of it then they're not sure they want to be a part of it even though they're called the leaders you know the eight is called the one of the eights is called the team leader but the eights tend to be like the leaders or the challengers um eights don't really wanna have to be responsible for people they don't want to have to you know wipe noses and hold hands and that kind of stuff they they want to empower you to to be a person yourself you know um and aids kind of just come in and they just sort of like take over again their eye goes to who's vulnerable and what their vulnerabilities are will flip that around their eye goes to who's in power who's really in charge who's really the authority is this person really a good authority are they competent or are they incompetent if they're incompetent the eight feels compelled to call that out with truth and challenge challenger right and challenge incompetent authority okay so dominating type eights are self-confident okay strong and assertive why well they've taken everything that feels vulnerable and they put that away from themselves and they're not going to focus their attention on oh i might mess up oh what do you think people will think oh they're not going to think about those things they're going to think like something needs to be done let's take action let's move forward let's you know some action is better than nothing and action is a lot better than sitting around planning some meeting and finding out what everybody's opinion is i don't care if everybody's on board we got to take action we got to move forward and we appreciate that about aids because they often are willing to step forward when everybody else is hem-hawing what do you think what do you think what do you think let's get everybody on board the eight's already moving and they have confidence in themselves and so other people tend to line up behind that and say well they're moving first and they look like they know what they're doing and what happens when that doesn't work out what happens when the eight has over extended themselves or they've overreached or they've over stepped you know a boundary that's when the eight you might see them moving to the five in in uh in disintegration and like oh crap you know now i've gotta figure out what i'm doing you know the eight might just be impulse to move to take action before they've really thought things through and when whatever it is their action they're taking doesn't really work out to help or solve the situation or solve the problem that's when you might see the eight now withdrawing away getting away pulling away and trying to research what why didn't that work and and what do i need to do now you'll also see an eight go to five you know like investigating interrogating you or just withdrawing and just saying i'm done i want out of here i'm overwhelmed they won't say i'm overwhelmed but that's what it is they're overwhelmed and they want out they don't want to talk anymore they're so angry they're so frustrated they're so irritated or this is so ridiculous i just got i'm done and they'll jet they'll just move away like a five withdraw right they'll just fives want to be behind their boundary and they want to see life from back here and when an eight who is real right up front and center is upset and frustrated what we might see them do move behind move away from the group move away from and behind us in a safe place protective resourceful and decisive again what's the opposite of that right indecisive indecisive is me you know when i was a little kid and i'm looking at all the candy you might say what do you need your mommy to pick out a candy bar for you you know do you need some help little boy ates they don't want to be indecisive indecisive feels like helpless so they're going to be decisive will they make the right decision not always and that's why i said that sometimes you might see them when their decision is not the right decision and it makes things worse you might see them now going to five and doing research you know on what what what is the right decision they can become proud and domineering eights feel they must control their environment um well you know they could learn a little something from nines you can't always control your environment and sometimes you have to submit or surrender ooh painful words for innate to submit or to surrender to your environment you know a lot of problems that ates are going to have are going to be the stuff in life that they can't control because they want to control things they they don't want to be anybody's victim and they don't want to be life's victim right but most of us realize that you can't always control everything in your environment there's a lot of things in life you can't control i can't control how tall i am i can't control how well my hair grows i can't control maybe my kids attitudes i can't always control you know the way my wife responds to me i can't control the economy i can't control my my my own health i mean i can i can try to eat right i can try to exercise and i can sleep and do all the things that you know you're supposed to do but healthy people get sick people that don't have any sign of disease suddenly find out they have leukemia and a much of life is not under our control and innate is not going to want to necessarily acknowledge that always it can be hard for them especially in eight wing seven can have a hard time acknowledging that some things are out of their control that's where the nine wing could really help you if you can lean on it a little bit and say you know what maybe i maybe i just have to let go which is what nines want to do let go and let god right okay that can be very hard for aids who want to control their environment often becoming confrontational and intimidating and again they may not even realize it about themselves that you know when um when somebody um comes out with a rule or a guideline that they don't understand or don't appreciate you might see the eight just move into that like what what's going on what you what you you can't get in that line why can't i get in that line look this line is goes all the way up to the door there's only three people in this line why can't i get in that line and they might they might just be trying to call out the truth like what's the honest answer i'm just trying to understand things here but obviously you know for the rest of us that might feel like wow this person is upset they're they're intimidating they want their way they're very demanding and the eight might not see how they're coming across they may just be trying to understand just help me understand why this line goes out to the door and there's only three people in that line what do you got to do to get in that line why do i have to go in this line back here um you know i'm a tax paying citizen and a lot of people just say path of least resistance you know i'll get in the long line path of least resistance but an eight might think well what's so special about those people you know and they're gonna maybe confront that whatever they think is injustice they're going to confront that and want to confront that um but maybe there are good reasons you know like this line is for vip members you know they pay extra they they're they they pay a monthly or a yearly fee to be in this shorter line or maybe this line is for people that don't have insurance or this is the line for people that are vets you know or maybe there's some good reason but that's probably going to feel like a bunch of bologna to an eight you know this is all made up garbage you know one group gets this and the other group gets that that's bull stink you know bull stink the words preachers come up with right they typically have problems with allowing themselves to be close to others why because that's vulnerability that's opening yourself up eights are like a fort right they got a fort and they'll have people inside the fort but even the people inside the fort you know like you better not betray me but eights tend to have that fortress mentality and so you know when new people come into your life and eight might be very friendly especially in eight wing seven might be outgoing and friendly have that sort of seven-ness about them under stress lean on their seven but um by and large eights tend to be a little you know a little distant like fives like sometimes sixes sixes can be quite suspicious i don't know that eights are suspicious it's just like i'm not going to be your victim and so you know i don't need a relationship with you like fives i don't need a relationship with you and aids can be a little bit like that so they might be have a hard time allowing themselves to get close to others that could be frustrating for the people that live with them they might feel like you know there are walls there that don't need to be there um or there's unforgiveness there that doesn't need to be there so just realize that about yourself if you're in eight that other people that relate to you who want to be close to you might feel like it's hard to be close to you because you know it's hard to be it's hard to be close to superman you know it's hard to to really know superman do you remember when in the old movie when superman decided to become a human you know or whatever he he decided to become mortal he decided to give up his powers and uh and next time he got in a fight he got a bloody nose right it probably feels a little bit like that for an eight when they decide to be in a relationship with someone like that they're going to have to give up their superpowers in order to become vulnerable to really let this other person in that could be a terrifying thought i remember watching the movie you know thinking oh no superman's given up his powers for lois lane uh what's going to happen to him and of course he gets in a fight and gets beat up and things don't go well for him and so maybe every eight sort of has that feeling like if i were to become vulnerable with people and lay down my my weapons and lay down my superpower they i could end up beat up you know and of course we know how the movie ends he goes back and reverses it and gets his superpowers back and then confronts the people that beat him up and you know takes care of business tcb baby take care of business all right so people want to be close to you but you may not realize that you tend to keep them on the outside of the fort okay even if sometimes you know even if they think they're on the inside of the fort the eight knows nah you're on the outside of the fort at their best healthy aids are self-mastering they use their strength to improve their lives becoming heroic magnanimous magnanimous i need to look that word up i think it means like you know boisterous like bigger than life is what i think and sometimes historically great heroes aids tend to be heroes like when you watch the average action movie you know the bruce willis denzel washington uh that kind of shows you that i'm from the past right but those guys tend to be aids you know they kind of have a scruffy face and they don't really obey all the rules but they're going to take action and save the day they're going to protect the innocent you know the innocent villagers are about to be consumed by this evil force out there and the eight who scruffy and rough and does things their own way you know comes in and fights the bad guy and protects that's very eight stuff and when ates are healthy they're going to share their power with you you're going to feel more powerful when they're not healthy you're going to feel less powerful they're going to seem very powerful everybody needs to know how in charge and how powerful they are when they're not doing well in other words they need to feel their own power they're feeling stressed they're feeling what other types might say insecure and so they're going to overwhelm everyone with their big powerfulness right but when an aid is secure in their power they don't need to dominate life they show up and are present and what do they do they empower others they empower others a healthy eight empowers others a healthy seven brings joy to others rather than what can you do to make me happy right a healthy seven brings joy um a healthy eight brings power and they empower others and they say things to you like you know lorraine i don't think you should take that i think you deserve you know to be compensated better if you need to go in there and you need to tell that boss that you know you're you're valuable to that company and you and so they extend that power and it rubs off um it rubs off on you and now you say you know what you're right i i don't need to take this crap i should go in there and i should tell them you know that that they they deserve i deserve better than this you're right aids will empower you they'll make you feel like you can be a hero you could change the world you could do things that's a beautiful thing i mean there's a lot of powerless people out there right and if aids could come in not only just protect them but empower them that they can make a difference in their life that they could they could live great lives they could be heroes they could do something important a lot of people don't think they can and maybe if an eight believed in them you know and sort of picked them up brushed them off and come on get back in the fight get in there and you know that could be a very blessed thing to do in this world where most of us you know just feel like we get tossed around by the world we don't feel like we're in control or we can we could take control of our own lives it might be helpful to have an eight in your corner saying yeah you can you you can make changes you have every right you have every right to show up fully to life and you don't have to be a dentist if you don't want to be a dentist just tell mom i don't want to be a dentist it's your life you don't have to make excuses you don't have to give reasons to everybody what you do it's your life and you have the right to live your life you can make whatever choices you want to make keep in mind you can make whatever choices you want to make but you can't always choose the consequences sometimes the consequences are quite predictable right all right so i hope that's helpful for you sevens and eights and uh if you stayed with me this long in this video then thank you very much i really appreciate that i'm going to post this video as introduction to type seven and eight and then we'll just have to do the nine when when we get to the nine i love nines and i'm excited about that video and uh and um i'm looking forward to that one too all right thank you guys i appreciate and uh as always be present to life see you next time

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 3,925

Rating: 4.9101124 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, type 7, type 8, personalities, family, marriage, parenting, love, relationships

Id: b3bPqJkcy-g

Length: 57min 24sec (3444 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 18 2021