[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> GOOD EVENING. I'M GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, AND
THE VIBE WE'RE GOING FOR TONIGHT IS "POORLY ATTENDED COLLEGE
LECTURE. THE FOLKS ASKING QUESTIONS ARE
HALF PRO-BIDEN AND HALF ANTI-TRUMP, AND SOMEHOW WE'VE
PUT ALL OF THEM IN THE LAST ROW OF THE BALCONY.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS UP THERE? >> HUH?
>> I HAVE VERTIGO! >> GREAT.
AND OUR GUEST OF HONOR TONIGHT IS FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AND
FUTURE OATMEAL SPOKESMAN JOE BIDEN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO!
HELLO, PHILADELPHIA! IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE!
HEY, THAT IS BOBBY CLARK OF THE 1974-75 FLYERS?
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, MR. VICE PRESIDENT, PLEASE DON'T WANDER
INTO THE AUDIENCE TO GREET PEOPLE.
>> SORRY! I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO TALK TO
AMERICA. WITH REAL-LIFE AMERICANS.
HEY, GEORGE! CHECK IT OUT!
THAT'S A DANCE FOR THE KIDS ON TIKTOK.
>> OKAY. OKAY, JOE.
LET'S FOCUS. NOW, ARE YOU READY FOR SOFTBALL
QUESTIONS FROM FOLKS WHO ARE ALREADY VOTING FOR YOU?
>> YOU BET YOUR SHORT PANTS I AM.
THIS IS GOING TO BE EXCITING, GEORGE.
I'VE GIVEN EVERYBODY IN THE AUDIENCE A GLASS OF WARM MILK
AND A BLANKET. NOW WHO'S READY TO HAVE SOME FUN
WITH FACTS AND FIGURES? WHOO!
>> THE FIRST QUESTION IS FROM NICHOLAS FENTON, AND HE'S A
DEMOCRAT. >> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, HOW WOULD
YOUR RESPONSE DIFFER FROM THE HORRIBLE ONE FROM PRESIDENT
TRUMP, WHO I HATE? >> LET'S LIMIT HOW MANY TIMES
YOU OUTRIGHT SAY YOU HATE PRESIDENT TRUMP DURING YOUR
QUESTIONS. >> AWW!
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, GO AHEAD. >> OKAY.
NOW NICHOLAS -- WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?
NICHOLAS? >> I'M UP HERE!
>> HUH? >> GO AHEAD!
>> HEY. YEAH.
HERE'S THE DEAL. UNLIKE THE PRESIDENT, I ACTUALLY
HAVE A PLAN. >> OKAY, GREAT!
WHAT IS IT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> A PLAN IS A DETAILED PROPOSAL FOR DOING OR ACHIEVING
SOMETHING. >> NO, I MEAN, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?
>> OH, RIGHT. RIGHT.
WELL, LET ME START WITH A STORY. MIXED WITH A COMPLICATED MATH
PROBLEM. [ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU HAVE 3 MILLION DOSES OF VACCINE, AND THE VACCINE LEAVES
CHICAGO AT 10:00 A.M., WHAT TIME WOULD IT ARRIVE IN WASHINGTON?
AND PLEASE SHOW YOUR WORK. >> GOOD EVENING, AMERICA.
I AM SURPRISE BAD-ASS SAVANNAH GUTHRIE.
[ LAUGHTER ] IF YOU WERE ANGRY AT NBC FOR
DOING THIS TOWN HALL, LET ME GET A FEW QUESTIONS IN AND I THINK
YOU'LL THANK ME. JOINING ME TONIGHT IS PRESIDENT
DONALD TRUMP. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU, SERENGETI, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
EVEN THOUGH -- WOMAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE HAVE LOTS OF VOTERS TO ASK QUESTIONS, BUT I'D LIKE
TO START BY TEARING YOU A NEW ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ] WHY WON'T YOU CONDEMN WHITE
SUPREMACY? >> I DO.
I DO CONDEMN IT. I'VE ALWAYS MORE OR LESS
CONDEMNED IT. >> WHAT ABOUT Q-ANON?
>> YOU MEAN THE GROUP THAT THINKS DEMOCRATS ARE A CABAL OF
SATAN-WORSHIPPING PEDOPHILES, AND I'M THEIR MESSIAH?
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AT ALL.
>> YES, YOU DO, MR. PRESIDENT. >> I DO KNOW THEY'RE AGAINST
PEDOPHILIA, AND I AGREE WITH THAT, IF ANYONE'S AGAINST
PEDOPHILES, IT'S ME, THE MAN WHO WAS CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIENDS WITH
ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS PEDOPHILES ON EARTH.
REST IN POWER, JEFFREY. [ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]
>> OKAY -- WHAT ABOUT THE ARYAN BROTHERHOOD?
>> THEY'RE VERY PRO-FAMILY, THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
>> KKK? >> YOUR CAR BREAKS DOWN, YOU
CALL TRIPLE-K. >> LAST WEEK YOU TWEETED THAT
OSAMA BIN LADEN IS STILL ALIVE. >> I DIDN'T TWEET IT, IT WAS A
RETWEET, WHICH IS SHORT FOR "REALLY SMART TWEET."
>> YOU CAN'T JUST DO THINGS LIKE THAT, YOU'RE NOT SOMEONE'S CRAZY
UNCLE. >> REALLY?
BECAUSE THIS CONVERSATION WE'RE HAVING IS A PREVIEW OF
THANKSGIVING DINNER AT A LOT OF AMERICAN HOUSEHOLDS, SO CRAZY
UNCLES, STAND BACK AND STAND BY. >> THAT BRINGS US TO 1939.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE YEAR I WENT TO THE WORLD
FAIR. AND MET THE REAL MICKEY MOUSE.
DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? [ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU WANT TO FIND ME AFTER THE TOWN HALL, WE CAN TALK SOME
MORE. >> SOME MORE?
>> JUST TO BE CLEAR, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TESTED
NEGATIVE? >> THERE ARE SO MANY TESTS,
SANTANA, I GET TESTED ALL THE TIME.
>> OKAY, FOR COVID. >> THERE ARE SO MANY COVID,
SAVANNAH, COVID-12, COVID-14 -- >> WERE YOU TESTED FOR COVID-19
ON THE DAY OF THE DEBATE -- >> THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY
DEBATES -- >> THERE WAS ONE F'ing DEBATE.
NOW DO YOU HAVE ANY REMAINING SYMPTOMS OF COVID?
>> NO, I'M DOING GREAT. DOCTORS SAY MY LUNG IS
BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE ONE BEAUTIFUL LUNG NOW,
WHICH TURNED BASICALLY INTO GLASS, SO IT'S VERY STRONG.
>> YOU DIDN'T HAVE PNEUMONIA? >> HAD A SMALL FEVER, IT WAS
AROUND 100 CELSIUS. BUT I DID GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] I NEVER DIED.
NEVER SAW HELL OR THE DEVIL. HE NEVER SHOWED ME A LIST OF MY
SINS. I WAS JUST ALIVE AND STRONG THE
WHOLE TIME. >> OKAY.
I'M DONE WITH MY INITIAL PROSTATE EXAM.
OUR FIRST QUESTION TONIGHT IS FROM JACQUELINE LUGO.
>> HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT! GREETINGS FROM MIAMI --
>> NO, NO, DIFFERENT PERSON. >> OKAY, LET'S GO TO OUR NEXT
QUESTION FROM PAULETTE DALE, AND I'M TOLD SHE'S HORNY.
>> YES. GREETINGS, MR. PRESIDENT.
I HAVE TO SAY, YOU HAVE A GREAT SMILE.
HE DOES! OH, JUST SO HANDSOME WHEN YOU
SMILE. COME ON, LET ME SEE THOSE
CHOMPERS. OH, THERE WE GO.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. NOW MY QUESTION IS ABOUT
IMMIGRATION. MY PARENTS WERE BOTH IMMIGRANTS.
SO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'LL DO WITH THE SO-CALLED DREAMERS.
>> WHERE DID YOUR PARENTS EMIGRATE FROM?
>> THEY CAME FROM MRS. MAISEL-VANIA.
>> THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. YOU CAN SAVE THIS COUNTRY.
>> JOE, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M TALKING TO GOD, GEORGE. FATHER, SON, HOLY GHOST, YOU'RE
THE TEAM WE LOVE THE MOST. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A V-SHAPED RECOVERY, A DEEP
V, RIPPLING PECS AND A TONED EIGHT-PACK.
A SWIMMER'S BODY, BASICALLY LIKE I HAVE AFTER COVID, AND IT'SING
ABOUT -- IT'S GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL!
>> THE QUESTION IS, WHY WON'T YOU RELEASE YOUR TAXES?
>> OH, THAT'S SIMPLE, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL.
THANK YOU. >> OUR NEXT QUESTION IS FROM A
PRO-LIFE MILLENNIAL, SO YIKES, GOOD LUCK.
>> MY QUESTION IS DID YOU NOMINATE JUDGE BARRETT TO STRIKE
DOWN ROE V. WADE? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE PRETTY
CHILL OF YOU. >> THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL QUESTION,
THANK YOU. I DIDN'T TELL AMY CONAN O'BRIEN
TO VOTE ANY WAY ON ANY ISSUE. SOME PEOPLE SAY VERY BRILLIANT
MINDS SAY ROE V. WADE SHOULD BE OVERTURNED AND BURNED IN A TRASH
CAN, LIKE ANTIFA IS BURNING ALL OF MY BALLOTS BECAUSE EVERYONE
KNOWS THE RADICAL LEFT ARE TRYING TO STEAL THIS ELECTION.
THEY'RE TAKING DOWN STATUES WHICH ARE FULL OF TRUMP VOTES,
THAT'S WHERE THE PEOPLE PLACE THEIR VOTES, INTO THE STATUES.
ANTIFA IS STEALING THEM AND CHANGING TRUMP TO KATHY
GRIFFIN -- >> OKAY, I'M SO SORRY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'M REAL SORRY.
THIS IS THE LAST PLACE I WANT TO BE.
BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO ASK, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WITH THAT
WOMAN BACK THERE? [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE I ONLY NOD THAT MUCH WHEN A WAITER ASKS IF I'LL BE
HAVING MIMOSAS AT BRUNCH. SO EITHER THAT'S CANDACE OWENS
IN A WIG OR BABY GIRL ANSWERED THE WRONG CRAIGSLIST AD.
ARE YOU OKAY, MISS? ARE YOU LISTENING TO MUSIC ON
TINY HEADPHONES? I'M GENUINELY TRYING TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING. BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT A PLANT,
THEN I AM DEEPLY, DEEPLY CONCERNED FOR YOU, HONEY.
>> SHE'S PROBABLY JUST UPSET THAT I DIDN'T WIN THE NOBEL
PRIZE. >> OKAY.
I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, BECAUSE THIS IS SOME SPOOKY-ASS
JORDAN PEELE NONSENSE. I JUST HOPE JOE'S TOWN HALL IS
MORE INSPIRING THAN THIS. ♪ LET'S MAKE THE MOST OF THIS
BEAUTIFUL DAY ♪ ♪ SINCE WE'RE TOGETHER WE MIGHT
AS WELL SAY ♪ ♪ WOULD YOU BE MINE COULD YOU BE
MINE ♪ ♪ WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR ♪
>> WHAT DO YOU SAY? WILL YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR, GEORGE?
>> WHAT? OH, I'M SORRY, I'M WATCHING THE
TRUMP ONE. THEY'RE REALLY GOING AT IT.
>> AND NOW, SAVANNAH IS TELLING HIM THERE'S ANOTHER QUESTION,
BUT NO, IT WAS JUST A DISTRACTION!
SAVANNAH GUTHRIE HAS A FOLDING CHAIR!
FROM THE AUDIENCE! AND TRUMP DOESN'T SEE IT!
OH, THE HUMANITY! ♪♪♪
>> AND YOU SEE EACH TREE HAS ITS OWN PERSONALITY.
JUST LIKE AMERICA. DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION,
JUSTIN? >> IF I SAY YES, CAN I SIT DOWN?
>> YOU BETCHA, BUCKAROO. >> BOTH MY LEGS ARE SLEEPING.
>> WELL, MR. VICE PRESIDENT, I BELIEVE WE ARE ABOUT OUT OF
TIME. SO I'M GOING TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR
CLOSING STATEMENT. >> GEORGE, GEORGE, WE HAVE TO
RESTORE SANITY TO THE NATION. IF ELECTED, I PROMISE I WON'T
TWEET ONCE. BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW.
AND I'LL HAVE EXACTLY ONE SCANDAL.
I WILL MISTAKE ANGELA MERKEL FOR MY WIFE, FROM BEHIND, AND TELL
HER SHE'S GOT A ROCKING CABOOSE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S NO MALICE IN THAT. THAT'S IT!
>> IN CONCLUSION, THERE'S ONLY ONE QUESTION THAT MATTERS.
JUST ASK YOURSELVES, AMERICA, AREN'T YOU BETTER OFF THAN YOU
WERE FOUR YEARS AGO? >> NO!
>> ALL RIGHT, THEN JUST TRY AND TAKE ME ALIVE.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
These cold opens have been terrible. Stop trying to cram 9 people and all these guest spots into 8 minutes.
I lost it at Joe Biden putting on a cardigan, singing the Mr. Roger's theme song, and the camera cutting to the audience singing along with blankets and warm milk. xD
Mirror:
Part 1
Part 2
Edit: I'm being downvoted for providing mirror links? Damn, y'all are rough.
I only watched this cold open because people on Twitter are offended by Jim Carrey’s impersonation of Joe Biden.
Really? After watching the clip, I think that Jim Carrey is good at playing Biden. Sure, Jim’s personality bleeds into the role. And yeah, Joe Biden isn’t that manic. But I can definitely see traits of Biden throughout Carrey’s performance.
I agree that the other actors who are better at playing Joe Biden. That being said, SNL’s jokes about Biden have been relatively tame. It’s seems that the people who are outraged on Twitter are just annoyed at the slightest criticism against Biden (and Democrats in general).
Really don't think Carrey plays a good Biden. He's just playing himself in Biden makeup.
Jim Carrey plays Biden well.
That was pretty bad. I didn’t laugh once. Jim Carrey as Biden is pretty bad because as funny as these “Biden is losing his mind” jokes are, he’s not THAT forgetful. I’m also kinda tired of Baldwin’s Trump at this point. This was just very unfunny.
I like Jim's version of Biden. It's zany and yet somehow manages to still evoke some Biden stuff in there. It's a lot more funny than any other version we've had. Glad they didn't let go of the woman in the background during the Trump town hall. When I finally watched the real thing on my dvr, I was hoping SNL would throw some shade to that shady person.
Do the writers of SNL know that no one is entertained by this shit? Donnie dipshit is a caricature of a human being and you can't satirize him because everything that comes out of his mouth is patently idiotic. The season premiere was decent, but the subsequent two weeks have been tired, slow and so very unfunny.