>> I DON'T KNOW WHY CORONAVIRUS.
THE LEFT CONTINUES THEIR DISHONEST SMEAR CAMPAIGN AGAINST
TRUMP. HERE'S A VIDEO OF LOCAL LIBS TO
BUY THE LAST BOTTLE OF ORGANIC PURELL
IT'S INSANE. THE LEFT IS TRYING TO WHIP
PEOPLE INTO A FEAR FRENZY OF LIES
IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT. IT'S OUR THING
CORE CORONAVIRUS IS AN URBAN LEGEND.
YOU HAVE MUCH BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.
TO HELP YOU CALM DOWN, HERE'S A LIST OF MUCH BIGGER THINGS TO
WORRY ABOUT. WOMEN WHO KEEP THEIR MAIDEN
NAMES. MONTY SORRY SCHOOLS.
FAT BARBIES. WHAT'S THE MAID SAY.
BLACKMARING BANDS, THEY'RE TOO GOOD
AND HARRY STYLES WHAT'S HE DOING?
WHO'S THAT FOR INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR MONEY ON
$300 SURGICAL MASKS. CONSIDER SUPPORTING MY EVER
THINNING LIST OF SPONSORS. LIKE DEER TANKS.
LET'S CHASE IT, SHOOTING DEER TAKES TOO LONG
SEND BAMBI TO HELL WITH DEER TANKS.
INDOOR HORNS AND WORD SEARCHES WITH RACIAL
SLURS IN IT. YOU DIDN'T SAY IT, YOU JUST
CIRCLED IT FOR MORE ON THIS LIBERAL FAN
FICTION THAT IS THE CORONAVIRUS WE GO TO JUDGE JEANINE PIRRO
>> GET RID OF THEM >> GET RID OF WHO?
>> WHOEVER >> THANKS FOR JOINING US,
JANINE SHOULD OUR VIEWERS BE DOING
ANYTHING TO PREPARE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS?
>> HELL, NO. AMERICANS ARE NOT AT RISK.
ESPECIALLY NOT OUR VIEWERS, WHO SKEW ELDERLY, ARE IN BAD HEALTH.
LIVE CLOISTERED TOGETHER IN HOMES SPECIFICALLY FOR SICK
PEOPLE AND HAVE SMOKED THEIR ENTIRE LIVES
>> SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE NOT TOO WORRIED.
>> NOT ONE BIT SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED.
IF YOU SEE ME AVOIDING CHINESE RESTAURANTS, IT'S NOT BECAUSE
I'M SCARED, IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST THE CHINESE.
A FORTUNE COOKIE ONCE TOLD ME TO LOWER MY VOICE
BUT I'VE NEVER LOOKED BACK >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, STAY SAFE
OUT THERE, JANINE. >> NO NEED
ALCOHOL IS A DISINFECTANT, SO MAMA'S GONNA LIVE FOREVER.
>> THANK YOU FOR THAT EXCELLENT REPORTING.
>> WE GO NOW TO MEN ON THE INSIDE, DON JUNIOR AND ERIC
TRUMP. >> HI, LAURA, DID YOU GET MY
VALENTINE? >> PASS.
NOW, WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S RESPONSE TO THE
VIRUS? >> LAURA, OUR FATHER HAS
EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL YOU KNOW, DEMOCRATS WOULD LOVE
FOR PEOPLE TO GET SICK SO THEY CAN USE IT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE.
LIKE HOW WE GIVE ERIC RAW CHICKEN SO HE MISSES IMPORTANT
MEETINGS >> I LOVE MY PINK NUGGETS.
>> THAT'S GREAT, BUDDY >> LAURA, THE LIBS THINK THEY
CAN SPIN THIS TO HURT OUR FATHER
BUT IF THERE'S ANYTHING MY DAD'S ON TOP OF, IT'S THE TOILET
>> NO, THIS CRISIS YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ANSWERS,
BUDDY, I GOT IT. >> THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS,
AMERICANS ARE PERFECTLY SAFE, IT'S LIKE OUR DAD ALWAYS SAYS.
>> THE N WORD? >> NO.
NO ONLY DURING SONGS, BUDDY
>> OKAY. >> DIDN'T WE BRING YOU A TOY OR
SOMETHING YOU CAN PLAY WITH? >> YEAH, MY BEEPY TOY.
>> THAT'S A THERMOMETER, IT ONLY BEEPS IF YOU HAVE A --
>> 104 BUDDY, WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?
>> THE PARK. >> WE GOT TO GO, LAURA
>> ALL RIGHT, THANKS FOR JOINING US
>> I'M A FATHER. >> RIGHT, NOW, FRESH OFF GETTING
THE VEGAN LEATHER BOOT AT MSNBC FOR THE HIGH CRIME OF GIVING A
GIRL A COMPLIMENT, I'D LIKE TO WELCOME OUR NEWEST FOX NEWS
ANCHOR, CHRIS MATTHEWS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> WELCOME BACK TO "HARDBALL" I'M CHRIS MATTHEWS
TONIGHT MY GUEST IS LAURA, A SPOOKY BLONDE LADY WHO LIES TO
THE ELDERLY. HA
>> CHRIS, NO, YOU'RE ON MY SHOW. >> I FORGOT, FORCE OF HABIT,
MAYBE I'LL GET IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING THIS, YOU LOOK GREAT.
>> CHRIS, YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT, IT'S FOX
>> OH, MY GOD, THE PLACE IS AMAZING, EVERYONE HERE IS HOT,
CRAZY OR BOTH. >> YEAH.
NOW YOU RESIGNED AFTER RECENT NONSCANDALS LIKE COMPARING
BERNIE SANDERS TO HITLER HOW DO YOU RESPOND
YOU CAN PUT IT AS CRAZY AS YOU WANT TO.
>> HERE IT GOES. THE RACE IS DOWN TO HITLER AND
AN ICE CREAM CONE TO SEE WHO CAN BEAT THE MICHELIN MAN.
BACK TO YOU, GIRL HITLER >> WELCOME HOME.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US >> HABADAHABA.
>>> NOW A CELEBRITY INTERVIEW BROUGHT TO YOU BY OUR AMAZING
SPONSORS LIKE MESH PILLOW, YOUR GREEDY
KIDS CAN'T SMOTHER YOU WITH MESH PILLOWS.
AND FOR ANYONE LOOKING TO MAKE CASH, FAKE PURELL, IT'S LUBE IN
A PURELL BOTTLE. AND NOW, THE WOMAN WHO SAVAGED
MURDERED MICHAEL BLOOMBERG ON LIVE TELEVISION, PLEASE WELCOME
SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> HI, LAURA, THANKS FOR HAVING ME
>> HOW HAVE YOU BEEN SINCE DROPPING OUT OF THE RACE
>> YOU KNOW, I'M DOING JUST FINE
MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE, THEY'VE BEEN
CALLING NONSTOP, ASKING, ARE YOU OKAY
WHAT DO YOU NEED WERE YOU ELECTABLE
>> WELL, YOU CERTAINLY RAN A MEMORABLE CAMPAIGN
HERE'S FOOTAGE OF YOU DEBATING MIKE BLOOMBERG
>> VERY GOOD >> AND JUST TO BE CLEAR, WERE
YOU THE DOG OR THE BURRITO >> I WAS THE DOG
>> GOT IT. SO YOU'RE NOT ENDORSING ANYONE
YET? >> WELL, IT'S TOUGH.
MAYBE I'LL JUST PULL A "NEW YORK TIMES" AND ENDORSE THEM BOTH
>> WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE DONE CAMPAIGNING, DO YOU HAVE ANY
REGRETS? >> NOT AT ALL.
I'M SO PROUD OF OUR CAMPAIGN WE BUILT A WIDE COALITION OF
TEACHERS, PRESCHOOL TEACHERS, MIDDLE SCHOOLTEACHERS, AND
TEACHERS PETS. AND NOT ONLY DID I NOT ACCEPT
MONEY FROM BILLIONAIRES, I GOT TO GIVE ONE A SWALLEY ON LIVE
TV BUT NOW I GOT TIME TO DO A
LITTLE SELF-CARE HANGING OUT WITH MY DOG BAILEY,
PRANK CALLING BIG BANKS. DRAG RACING SUBARUS.
AVOIDING TWITTER AND BEFORE I GO, I WANT TO THANK
MY SUPPORTERS AND SAY ONE LAST THING.
>> HI THERE, HOW ARE YOU >> SORRY, I JUST -- I WANTED TO
PUT ON MY FAVORITE OUTFIT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE
DONE IN YOUR LIFETIME. >> I'M NOT DEAD, I'M JUST IN THE
SENATE. >> OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
SO LET'S STAY IN THE SPOT. AND LET'S DO THIS.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT
