Did You Hear What I Just Said | Respectfully Part. 4 | Dr. Dharius Daniels

what's up everybody listen man thank you so much for clicking on this video if you are a repeat watcher or a listener or if you just stumbled up on this feed i want you to know you're getting ready to watch a message that i taught to our church change church and it's in a series called respectful it's on having tough talks well this message is on how to have the talks with me i'm telling you right now it can add tremendous value to your relationship i want you to get ready to be blessed enjoy the message and so i want you to keep that in mind matthew chapter number 19 verse 4 uh let's let's look at what jesus says jesus says these words haven't you read that at the beginning the creator made them male and female and said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh they are no longer two but one flesh therefore what god has joined together let no one separate i want to talk from this subject some of you may get a kick out of this because i don't know why i started saying this but i say it all the time but i'm using it as a subject for today's sermon i want you to put it in the chat here's the topic of today's teaching did you hear what i just said did you did you hear what i just said a couple of weeks ago i shared my conviction as i regularly do regularly do with the spiritual family called change church that there are three ways you can live your life culture's way the church's way or the king's way i communicated during that presentation that these three lanes of living lead to three different levels of living that the lane you run in determines the level you live on that living cultures way leads to sinking living the church's way leads to surviving living the king's way leads to thriving so i can't take the wrong lane and get to the right level or i can't complain or shouldn't complain about the level i'm on when i wasn't willing to change the lane i was in i hope i'm making sense here three ways three lanes we can live our life and each lane leads to a level and those levels are sinking surviving and thriving however this is what i've learned i've learned when it comes to running in these lanes we must run in these lanes in every area of our life what am i what am i saying i'm saying it's possible to run in one lane in one area but run in a different lane in another am i making sense let me unpack this some of you've seen this there's this graphic some of us learn visually i'm one of those first people and so there's this graphic we created here at change church it's called the life pie and we use the pie not a chart because i like sweets i'm getting delivered uh kinda but anyway uh but anyway we we we want you to see i want you to see something when i talk about life when we talk about life change here we don't we don't simply we don't simply mean behavior modification when we say jesus wants to change your life we're talking about every slice in this pie here your character your business and your work your resources your health and your relationships so when i want you to catch this now when i say there are three different lanes we can live in it applies to every slice of your life so when it comes to my character i can live the culture's way church's way or the king's way when it comes to my business or my work life i can live culture's way king's way church's way or the king's way the same with my resources my health and my relationships and this is what i've learned it is possible to live the king's way in this area and live the churches or cultures way in another area but if our life hasn't changed we shouldn't call it life change we need to call it what it is some of us our life hasn't changed your character has so we'll live in the king's way when it comes to character but we live in culture's way when it comes to our resources so if i want to next level my life i've got to identify what slice i need to lean into based on the season that i'm in because what what people must wrap their head around is this in culture it seems as if you can live a compartmentalized life but when when when we are influenced by a kingdom or a christ-centered worldview what we realize is everything is interrelated you might not know it's interrelated but it's interrelated your emotional health affects this oh yes indeed did you hear what i just said emotional health affects relationships and then relationships affect your emotional health your character affects your relationships but your relationships affect your character don't be deceived bad company corrupts good character am i making sense yo character determines how you handle business and how you do work if we're an entrepreneur it determines whether or not you are exploitive or profitable because you can be profitable without being exploited am i making sense y'all and and so in this series called respectfully this is what we're arguing we're arguing that if our life is going to change we've got to be willing to have some tough talks when it comes to some of these slices we talked about having tough talks with ourselves we talked about having tough talks with god come on we talked about having tough talks with friends i want to come back this relationship slice though today because today i want to talk about how to have tough talks with bae i don't know how it is in the chat but if you're still here i just want you to put i'm here just but i'm here i just want you to put i just want you to i want you to put i want you to put them here you see when we live the king's way in this slice the manifestation of what it looks like will be different based on who you are but the values that permeate that relationship will be the same no matter how they are expressed and that is when we when we when we manage that relationship slice the king's way all of our relationships will fall in the cat this category not all the time but the majority of the time they'll be fruitful they'll be flourishing and they'll be fulfilling got me fruitful it means something is produced that was not produced or could not be produced without our connection am i making sense it means that when you all get together we birth more than children you made birth church but you made birth more than children you burst some things together that add value to the world fruitful something is produced that would not be produced have we not been together am i making sense y'all yeah flourishing it means watch this and when i say flourishing now i'm talking about the emotional quality of life that i believe describes those that are living the king's way flourishing emotionally it means watch this that that your emotional tank is being filled not emptied it means that your emotional quality of life improves and it increases it doesn't decrease as a result of a divine partnership if you gain a relationship but have to lose your mind to keep it it's not a divine joining is this is this too frank today uh i was preparing this message and i was like jesus i don't know a sweet way to present this am i making sense fruitful flourishing and fulfilling what does it mean it mean i'm not making sense it means that if the person you're with is not fulfilled it's because they're greedy not needy did you hear what i just said yeah it it it means that there is an understanding that in the context of kingdom relationships the interdependence that paul the the analogies of interdependence that paul uses in the book of first corinthians to describe the body of christ is manifest in a relationship in the body of christ paul argues for interdependence he says you independent but you're interdependent because your eyes someone else is a foot someone else's ear and all of you all work collaboratively together because somebody's got what somebody else doesn't have so somebody's got what somebody needs now why would interdependence apply in the body of christ and in god's house and not in ours that they are i'm not making sense that there are some that there are some needs that are supposed to be met within the framework of that relationship can i can i go here this is so the question is do i want company or do i want to be committed to add value to a person how do we want a relationship but we don't want to work oh gosh i promise you i tried to find a sweet message i couldn't am i making sense fruitful flourishing and fulfilling if we're going to experience this this fruitfulness this flourishing this fulfilling it leads to something that jesus calls oneness it's hard so you can have oneness conceptually and not oneness experientially like you know conceptually we won but for real for real we're not really one you know i mean conceptually we close but we're not really that close come on i'm trying to find the honest people today you know it's like you know you know what i mean it's like is that space it's like when it's really over but y'all just hadn't acknowledged this over it's like conceptually we together but not really yeah fruitful flourishing fulfilling it leads to oneness because you're drawn to that you're drawn to that which helps you be fruitful you're drawn to that which helps you flourish you don't want to you don't run away from what fills you up you run away from what makes you empty come on here somebody you don't run away from what fulfills you you run to what fulfills you so the things that have to be forced shouldn't be forced oh my did you hear what i said like me love me be in my face spend time with me affirm me shouldn't have to be forced or contrived it should be the automatic outflow and the expression of a person that's experiencing fruitfulness they're flourishing and they fulfilled nobody is talking to me in this church this morning it leads to to oneness i i want you to catch this and jesus uses some words here in this conversation that gives us some perspective that i think is essential for this preaching presentation this text that we just read here allows us to eavesdrop on jesus's response to a question he gets asked regarding marriage and divorce and it's it's really interesting here jesus answers the question but gives some instruction at the same time very very very very interesting very interesting here he he he he talks about this marriage being originated and created by a creator like what's god's original intent it has purpose and because it has purpose it should be done intention intentionally and strategically and he mentions two things that that that are necessary for oneness and that get us to the place where there's fruitfulness where we're flourishing and we're where we're fulfilled he mentions two things now i'm gonna use some language that older translations of the bible use to describe these two things jesus two things he is right here in the text he says there's got to be leaving and there's got to be cleaving right so so some older translations use the word cleave where some more modern translations um you use the word join am i making sense or united some somebody put leave and cleave in the chat here it is now he says they got to be he says a man shall leave his father and mother now jesus is not just talking about geographical proximity there he's not just talking about leaving proximity wise that's not the issue when i say proximity i mean the same you understand what i'm saying yeah same place that's not the issue the issue is perspective because you can leave their house but carry their head with you am i making sense there it's it's like he says there's some perspectives and some ways and some norms and some practices and some some behavior patterns that worked in the house but if you're going to be fruitful and flourishing and fulfilled in your house you got to know what to leave in that house because some stuff that worked in that house would work because of the people in that house but if you are not joined with the person or the people in that house you've got to make sure you know what to keep and what to leave how we talk to each other in our house you got to leave that this this is how we did things at our house well you might have to leave that my dad took all care took care of all the bills in my house if your husband's not that good at math so you got to leave that see y'all see that see you see you see you see this is so disruptive isn't it like he should be paying the bills not if he can't add no he shouldn't ah see everybody that can make it can't manage it [Applause] but that's where interdependence comes in come on or vice versa well my house my mama did all the cooking but can you cook though yeah who should cook who can okay who should cook who can who's gifted to who has a passion to that's who should cook because some things in certain homes were treated as christian values when they were really social norms he's supposed to do that she's supposed to do that where do you get that from yeah the things that the bible's really clear about it's really clear about and the spaces where there's ambiguity the ambiguity is there intentionally because you've got to contextualize what this looks like in your circumstance that's why there's ambiguity there am i making sense jesus said there's got to be some leaving and leaving requires intentionality and assessing the relationship scripts that have influenced my viewpoint on relationships everybody is operating with a script the question is the question is is it a conscious or subconscious script we're operating by so we're taking cues from something we're taking cues from somewhere very often we haven't paused to assess what has shaped and informed the way i manage relationships because some scripts come from parents then some other scripts come from pain did you hear what i just said yeah it's like there's some pain in the past then as a result of that pain that pain produces a perspective that perspective impacts the way people perform and sometimes they're performing in the present like they're still with somebody who hurt them in the past and so it's like so you don't have to be that gangster with me because i'm not trying to do to you what they did i'm really here come on yeah i'm really here for you don't don't you ought to protect yourself from me i'm not the threat but pain will produce a perspective where everybody's a threat and when god sends an anomaly you won't be able to see it because you don't believe anomalies exist come on like everybody want an anomaly but don't believe in one everybody come on now everybody everybody wants somebody that's not like everybody else but you believe everybody's the same now both of those things can't be true if you want someone that's not like everybody else you've got to believe that a boaz exists you got to believe that there's a roof that exists that loves you for who you are appreciates what you have but it's with you if you don't have it see come on come on now right because we always talk about the roofs looking for boaz i'm telling you they're boaz it's looking for roofs [Applause] come on like come on they're boys it's looking for roof looking for someone well i don't have to well they don't have to wonder are you with me because i own the field see we don't talk about that yeah are you with me because if i didn't own the field would you want me and if you wouldn't do we need to talk about that put my put my life pop back up on the screen yeah if i don't have the field and you want nothing to do with me we need to ask we need to ask we need to ask a question put my life power back on the screen yeah see here it is we need to ask if they don't have the field and you don't want them we need to come back here and say okay now which level we're going to live on here because if they don't have the feeling you don't want them that's fine if it's culture's way see come on now no no no see you can't say you different and not be different so so they don't have the feel i don't want them that's normal in culture's way that's the way culture handles character it's even normal church this way [Music] [Applause] oh that's normal in church uh-huh see in culture they call it a come up in church they just call it a blessing [Applause] but king's way now we see that different it's like no i appreciate that i feel secure because of that yeah i value the kind of man you had to be to produce that but i want you not that so yes ruth is looking for boaz but boaz is looking for rules so here's my question i don't know why why i'm here so but here's my question if you searching for boaz are you ruth so so maybe maybe instead of looking for bow ass i should be looking for roof [Applause] [Music] i want to make sure you understand what i mean yeah instead of looking for the bow ass out there maybe there should be some looking for the root in here there's got to be some leaving i gotta assess so i can leave some of those scripts i'm not saying be unwise i'm saying make make sure that i'm living by a script that's informed by god's principles and not just my pain or my parents i want i want fruitful i want flourishing i want fulfilling what are you willing to leave because jesus says there's got to be some leaving i want next level what are you willing to leave but he doesn't he doesn't just he doesn't just say there's got to be leaving he says that god there's got to be cleaving and this is where it gets tough are y'all ready for this here's something i saw cleaving requires communication no no no because cleaving means to be united or to be joined listen to me here but this joining jesus is talking about isn't just a legal joining got me it's an emotional one i i don't have time to bother this but it's a soul tie so ties on evil it's just evil when your soul's tied to the wrong one come on you want a soul tie with your soul mate are you all here yeah she's referring to this it's referring to intimacy i i want you to catch this now somebody say intimacy all right now keith battle says this are y'all ready for this you know when i was when i was prepping this and preparing to come over here this morning like there are times where i at least feel or sense like unique spiritual burdens for certain messages because i know or sense that it's an area of intense spiritual warfare because it's the area the enemy wants you silent on and i want you to catch this i want you to lock in here because this this is important i don't think the adversary wants us to get this see somebody say intimacy put intimacy in a chat here it is keith battle talks about something called the intimacy gap and this he says this it's where couples are not as close as they could be because someone needs something from their spouse to feel close but the spouse needs to feel close to give what they need did you hear what i just said okay i'll read it again he says this is what he says he says the intimacy gap is where couples are not as close as they could be because someone needs something from their spouse to feel close but the spouse needs to feel close to give them what they need so both of us want to be close but we can't be close because somebody needs something to feel close but somebody needs to feel close to give somebody the other thing they need to get close and the i want you to catch this now and the only avenue for addressing the intimacy gap is communication because the intimacy gap is inevitable because satisfaction in relationships are seasonal the thing that satisfied you in one season doesn't always satisfy you in every season because hopefully you're not the same person at 40 that you were at 20. y'all not talking to me yeah when you were in college if they had an ultima okay let me right if they had an altima i want to award in a sorority fraternity you were good to go but then when you 30 and 35 and 40 you've changed and your values have changed so you change life changes you in ways you can't predict so as you change the things that filled you emotionally shift and when the ship isn't communicated i'm going to say it again when the ship is not communicated an intimacy gap is created i'm about to say something and if a person has a level one world view you might find this a bit offensive i'm not i'm never i never try to be offensive i'm very conscious of that but i do want to be truthful i want to be candid y'all ready for this yes sir if you're not sure put not sure in the chat like i don't know i don't know very often people make relational decisions based on somebody's speaking ability when i'm telling you the larger contributor to fruitfulness flourish flourishing and fulfillment is whether or not they can listen some people linked up because they were a talker now they feel stuck because they're not a listener see are y'all all right see here it is because when an adjustment is needed it's one thing to communicate it it's another thing to be with somebody who care enough to listen to your shifts did you hear what i just said yeah yeah see see see it's one thing to communicate it it's another thing to be with somebody who doesn't see your evolution as an agitation you mad cause i'm changing y'all not talking okay yeah you you you're upset because i'm being honest about what don't work for me no more oh my goodness what met a need in one season may not meet a need in another let me wrap this up y'all tired y'all i can see y'all tired of me uh here it is y'all intimacy requires adjustments can i say something else we have to i think attractiveness is important it's very important but we've got to look beyond just attractiveness i'm not saying sacrifice that see i don't even have time this that's a whole nother series i don't have time right because some of you are not honest enough with you about what matters to you and what order it matters to you in you're too busy judging yourself to be honest with yourself so you're behaving like a self you think you're supposed to be but not the self that you are so you picking wrong if you don't like that you just don't like that so stop trying to make yourself like that cause you're a christian stop trying to make yourself like that because you love jesus y'all not talking to me you don't like that okay [Applause] you know i just i'm a christian so i think i just need somebody this is you know that's just soft and considerate and they're just with me you don't like that you don't like that why do you feel like being a christian means you gotta like that [Applause] [Music] christian comes in all kind of personality types y'all aren't talking to me they're passive christians and assertive chris they're all types of christians [Applause] christians from the country christians from the streets it's it's all kind of christians [Applause] but there's there's got to be some non-negotiable kingdom character traits no matter what the container's like if that trait of a willingness to adjust is it in there and unwillingness to adjust is an indication that you're with somebody that does not have a servant's heart marriage only works with two people with servants hearts y'all somebody put teacher in the chat did you hear what i said it only works with two people who have servant hearts not just two people that love each other almost everybody that says i do means it is their servant's heart this is having service hearts doesn't doesn't rob you of your needs it is the path to actually getting your needs met you live here now you live in atlanta yeah come on she's new jersey i was like she look familiar okay all right i'm back atlanta we're in the studio in atlanta what was i talking about somebody tell me sermon's heart somebody put preach pastor in the chat put preach it put in the chat two people with a service heart it's not it's not denying your needs it is it's god trying to show you the way to get them met are y'all following me god's trying to say you say listen if you will serve that person is going to unlock a level of generosity in them that cannot be unlocked any other way and what you're going to receive on the back end from a fulfilled partner is going to override the inconvenience of the sacrifice that you had to make are you all here to serve that person and to meet their needs are you hearing what i'm saying see see some people are looking for somebody you got to unlock and you unlock them through your service there's a level of generosity in the person you with that can only be tapped into by a servant's heart y'all see this is sunday if this was like a relationship successor i can say what i really want to say right now i can't though i can't say it here it is am i making sense cleaving requires communication can i have seven more minutes if i can have seven more minutes put seven in the chat here it is i want you to see somebody say communication come on say it again say communication yeah that's the only way there's cleaving because you need communication to communicate your adjustments i need a job i need an adjustment and when this is absent it has many people in relationship spaces where they're consistently wondering did they hear what i just said i'm telling you what i need i can only get it from you why are you not trying did you did you hear what i just said y'all i got so much i can't even get to my i just gotta wrap up i ain't even halfway through like i just gotta rub see here it is i'm going here because it's one thing for me to teach communication and i got like six points i'm not going to talk to but i got like six points that are like kingdom tactics like six biblical principles in terms of the way you should communicate needs does that make sense like it should just be you need to give me some more no like the bible gives some guidance on stuff like with tone when paul's talking to believers in colossae in the book of colossians he says let your conversation be seasoned with grace [Music] right so say tone matters can do i hear grace in your tone or do i hear judgment so if i'm not meeting the need are you communicating that in a judgmental way are you communicating your deficit to me in a way that makes me feel like i'm deficient am i sprinkling that with grace that's one of my t's tone right time that's another one somebody say timing does time matter time matters now i'ma tell you something this is what's challenging too what's challenging is many people don't understand that it might take longer than you think for the people to get for the person to get as clear as you want them to be did you hear what i just said sometimes they didn't they didn't get it because are y'all ready for this we talk a lot about communication styles but we also got to talk about comprehension styles and people have styles of comprehension does that make sense it's like sometimes you know somebody you know somebody they might go off on something about something and the person's like well i know you is that man i told you 12 times before yeah but i didn't know it was it was that bad so the the 12 times i told you this you just thought i was tone time tact tact that's important trust truth teamwork all of this because i know some of you are about to dm me i need them six i need them six t's i need all of them but i want you to i want you to see something we can spend all this time on these kingdom communication strategies but if this happens and a person communicates using these kingdom strategies and they're with a person who hears but doesn't heed the lack of action is a form of communication the lack of did you hear what i just said the lack of action is a form of communication the lack of action says what i need and it may not be true you got me it may not be true but this is the way it can be interpreted that what i need doesn't matter enough to you for you to try at this the way i see you tried other things [Applause] sometimes you can feel like i'm not asking you for something that i ain't seen in you i just ain't seen it with me i know you're a go-getter i see you i know you figure certain things out i see you figure certain things out but sometimes that lack of action causes people to wonder why don't you go that hard for me and i preached this message because there are people you are watching me and you are hurting you are watching me and you are empty you are watching me and you want fruitful you want flourishing you want fulfiller but you don't have it some of you are watching me and you know what it feels like to be in long-term relationships where you had to suffer because of a lack of it but i wanna i wanna i wanna speak life i wanna use god's word and let god's word speak life into you today to let you know that god are y'all ready for this yeah i couldn't unpack this i just it wasn't enough time y'all but i want to close with showing you a story about how jesus healed the death because some of you need a miracle with somebody's ears the bible gives us examples of jesus opening people's eyes but he gives us examples of bible examples of people of jesus opening people's ears lord open ears open ears people are crying out saying i'm empty i need this open ears open ears of spouses i feel this lord open ears of parents children crying out lord open their ears to hear the needs of your people that can only be met through people gosh father i pray for that i pray for miracles here your word says you turn hearts of stone in the hearts of flesh so i pray that you would turn selfish hearts into servant hearts we will serve one another i pray for those that need to have real talks there are intimacy gaps seasons of satisfaction have come and gone and some have just accepted that they're destined to live in the land of relationship mediocrity but father we pray against that mindset i pray that you resurrect faith and hope belief that you're the god who can do everything and anything i love you and i thank you that you'll hear this prayer i thank you for testimonies [Music] that will come on how you shifted the levels of people's relationship life i pray for kingdom relationships that will be a picture of your relationship with christ an evangelistic tool to show people this is what life can be like when you do it the king's way i pray against the spirit of settling i pray against relationship settling i pray for a revelation that our eyes will be open to see our relationships are about more than bringing good to us but bringing glory to you so we accept we don't have permission to settle so give us grace to run on and see what the end will be i thank you for open ears and change hearts in jesus name amen clap your hands in the studio put some fire in the chat well listen i hope that message added value to your life did you hear what i just said i'm praying that god if you're in relationship that god will open up your ears or someone else's ears so that you can hear each other better and i pray that if you're not in one that god would send you someone who's not just a good talker but someone who's a good listener thank you for watching and thank you so much for your generosity uh for those of you right now that maybe you may be watching this and you may say man listen i want to respond with generosity to this message it add value to my life i invest in things that entertain me i want to invest in something that adds value to me lower third right now is coming up on the screen where you can text whatever you want to give if you choose to do that i just got one request of you thank you for your generosity but here's my major request if this message helped you in any way would you just share it with someone else that's it send it to them text it to them that's my mission to help as many people as possible change their life when you share this message you help me do that all right take care god bless

Channel: Dharius Daniels TV

Views: 64,455

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Keywords: dharius Daniels, change church, td jakes, Steven furtick, John gray, chad veach, chris durso, Levi lusko, rich Wilkerson jr, toure roberts, keion henderson, dr. jamal bryant, Craig groeschel, mike todd, carl lentz, ron carpenter, Robert madu, trent shelton, Eric the hip hop preacher thomas, Stephen chandler, dr. Matthew stevenson, Judah smith, devon franklin, dr. Tony evans, mike McClure jr, John maxwell, Joel osteen, Bishop Dale C. Bronner, Pastor Miles McPherson

Id: VCKgCcnxtoA

Length: 48min 35sec (2915 seconds)

Published: Mon May 24 2021