People with Mental Disorders Share "This Isn't Normal" Moments - (r/AskReddit)

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit serious people who suffer from mental health disorders what was your this isn't normal moment I have been working my current job for about a year now it's a reasonably chill job virtually no stress I have no immediate supervisor and I make my own schedule my interaction with people is minimal and yet everyday even after a year I still get anxiety about getting up and going to work after a ducking year I relate to this so hard the second I get to work I realize that I'm totally fine I love the people and my job I will have intense anxiety before almost every single work day especially the night before it gets better sometimes but it's always there so frustrating I've lost two jobs so far from this don't be like me overcome it I threw away the best job I had because I was certainly didn't need me there and just stayed home become to find out nobody said anything negative when I was gone some guys wanted me to come back that hit home that's when I realized I'd made a huge mistake so I called my now old boss a few weeks later and apologized for what I'd done and thanked them for all they taught me I was there nine months and I learned to take apart Mentos learned industrial sandblasting and did that for a few months and one particular fellow there took a shine to me and taught me how to drive a forklift when nobody was around a guy let me rip sound the yard and pick [ __ ] up bring frames over for blasting speed down an open area to get a feel for the controls and steering and all that guy taught me the whole deal and because of that chant someone took a high school dropout learned to operate a forklift [ __ ] was tight I liked it for the freedom I was always anxious to go to work but when I got there I fell facilities there was no pressure no bosses over my shoulder they bought us pizza and gave us pro-police sized company sweaters and coveralls they really took care of a and I let anxiety take over and I made a huge mistake be strong folks I couldn't stop crying everything felt awful and I thought about death more often than not this year I decided to try to quantify my mental health I've cried on 19 separate days so far in 2020 and had some thoughts or other about suicide on 26 I'm coming out of a major depressive episode I remember early on I was filling out an intake questionnaire to see a psychiatrist and it asked me to check off all of the days in the past two weeks when I thought about death how frequently I cried or felt like crying how frequently I had no interest in doing things I used to enjoy that sort of thing I didn't even have to hesitate when checking off every day it wasn't just every day it was all day for some reason that really hit me I knew I was depressed but I tend to minimize things like I'm always apologetic with doctors about coming in and trying to explain my bigger symptoms that brought me in on hoping they won't feel like I'm wasting their time that's how I felt about seeing the psychiatrist for depression I wasn't even sure she would think my condition was bad enough to treat and then I filled out the form and realized I couldn't even remember the last time I had had a whole day without all those thoughts that are the hallmark of depression it was kind of a shock I started tearing up just from filling out the form sometimes quantifying things can really open your eyes I hope you are able to start to have more brighter days this seeing it on paper then seeing someone else take you seriously that moment where you're not dismissed as being a waste of time or not a big enough problem when I started crying over my math homework in the frustration that no matter how hard I tried to stop doing it I just couldn't and there was a huge weight in my chest and I ended up hyperventilating and crying on my room's wall over to math problems that weren't even mandatory this hit me hard I was at my lower points I will get frustrated over math homework than my mind will spiral and build up into a panic attack which lowers my mood again for a few days I'm doing better mentally now understand math better after a few weeks of feeling happier and I'm switching to easier classes next year to ensure I'll be okay math is a beach mental problems are more of a beach good luck to you when I was younger I had a really bad problem with this there were more than I could Knights growing up that I would break down crying at the kitchen table doing math problems for homework put a gun to my head and tell me to write the next great American novel and I could whip something up but give me tough math problems that I didn't understand and eventually the frustration feeling of being inadequate and fear of not finishing my homework crushed me I also had the same problem with baseball I was always good at baseball growing up but if I struck out or hit a ball that resulted in and out I would immediately have that swelling feeling in my chest and throat and I would break down it was embarrassing for myself and parents because I was a seven to twelve year old boy with says streaming down his face and choking up I eventually outgrew it around thirteen but it was around that time I began to accept personal failure way too easily feeling of dread every day for no reason most of the time I realized that there were time periods where the choices and actions I made were not my own knowing myself knowing I'm not stupid or unhappy and still finding myself reflecting on a lengthy period of time where someone who others as well as myself consider themselves fully capable and responsible for their own actions could not find any reasonable explanation for my behavior over days weeks months depending on how severely the episode impacted my life was the saddest day I've ever experienced all I've ever had was my sanity throughout a chaotic youth losing that while maintaining cognizance was one of the hardest things I've dealt with dissociative disorder I am severely Bikila but I didn't associate allit it wasn't on my list of darkness ease though when I became really paranoid and hyper emotional I felt as though I had totally lost control of my emotions I felt like I didn't know what was real and who I could trust that is 100% me I have the pearl of one disorder message me if you want I'd love to chat I have borderline personality disorder I feel the same message me too if you'd like kind of different but I have severe ADHD like and treat it I would be living in a box and or completely non-functional and have been on lots of different treatment plans some were okay some not at all but the day I started my current plan I took my met in the morning and about 20 minutes later my head was totally completely quiet it's that feeling when you're in your house doing whatever and you notice the silence and it feels weird like too quiet I had that this is not normal thought and then as this how it for everyone else I had to consciously choose what I was going to think about and focus on never ever in my life have I held the remote for my own brain definitely did not feel normal and I had learn how to think with a clear linear compartmentalised brain in six years now and it's still the best treatment plan I've had even with two years of CBT training specifically for my severe ADHD I'm currently looking into medication I have just not needed I've read that a lot I am intrigued by the idea of it I mean it's less severe way less severe but I'm just used to my brain wandering off I've had my private mind radio for months now and just recently even realized it the idea is through weird but intriguing my husband has added but not as bad as you I think what is your current treatment plan if you don't mind sharing when I just could not get out of bed just could not do it for 10 days lost a new job because of that but that was the wake-up moment for me after trying to beat back depression for years I'm really pleased you were able to take it as a wake-up moment the whole not being able to get out of bed thing is so hard to explain to other people but I get what you mean when you say you just couldn't do it cleaning a knife I held it upwards at some point to look closer at a tiny speck and had this sudden urge to stab my eye with it still hurts to think of the effort it was to just put it down I hope that was OCD because I understand how stupid those intrusive thoughts and urges can be same I experienced issues related to ADHD anxiety and intermittent depression for ADHD it was when I kept getting assignments in school I knew how to do but felt completely unable to accomplish them for anxiety it's when as a kid I would get extreme stomachaches before going to bed due to my stress of not completing my homework likely due to my ADHD and wouldn't be able to stop my mind from racing which in turn made my heart race and duck it was a nightmare luckily I'm more aware of it now and can usually deal with it for the depression it's when I found myself hating everything I would normally do without thinking and looking for any distraction from dealing with the pain I would also ignore all outside contact not get out of bed ignore basic cleanliness practices like literally just throwing the pits of cherries onto the floor of my apartment since I didn't care and then yeah just not caring about myself at all like literally feeling like I was a burden to both myself and the people in my life edit missing letters your post really got to me my son is nine and we have been dealing with ADHD and anxiety for three years now my ex is a drug addict he started with abusing adderall so I was terrified to begin medicating my son I put him in therapy for a year started a 504 plan of school and did everything I could to avoid medication after a year it was unavoidable he had to have medication so he has been on consetta for almost two years he has become a different person his grades are amazing and his anxiety has all but gone away he has made more friends and has an easier time keeping friends he even has a best friend now I don't know what I mean to say here but just reading your post is a confirmation to me that medication iced battle wrong for a young child thank you I know we will make adjustments as he gets older - I'm not as scared of meds as I used to be the anxiety yes I understand my son has remaining issues with some anxiety the therapy gave him some coping mechanisms to deal with it but it still surfaces sometimes he deals with it now but as he gets older I realize his stress levels will go up too I hope I can recognize when it is beyond manageable for him or I hope he will tell me we try to be very open about what is going on and I hope he understands he can come to me and we can work on things no matter what I try to teach him that home is his safe place no matter where he is or what happens when he is feeling overwhelmed for now he has his room and his comforting items and I try to teach him not to be embarrassed or ashamed about it for example he has a blanket that comforts him now something he had when he was very small he dosent want his friends to know he still has a blanket he loves I just hope we can do the right things while he is growing up things to make him succeed it's encouraging to read your story I am glad you are doing well I am glad to read that you control your meds I try to accept that just because he has to take meds it doesn't automatically mean addiction he is somewhat aware of his father's issues and I know these are my issues too I don't make him aware of my concerns though my memory is gone thanks to meningitis but it was almost immediately after I woke up from a coma the world looked different I can't keep track of time correctly anymore it all kind of blurs together in my head sometimes I just stopped freeze up in the middle of doing something or talking anywhere from a few seconds up to 13 minutes at the long end like someone hit the pause button then I just go right back to what I was doing or saying even if the person or people I was talking to has moved on I'm conversation had just left and put a sticky note on the brim of my hat that they waited three minutes and had to go sorry but the worst is the edge from the day I woke up till now it feels like I have an itch inside my skull that I can't reach and like my brain actually itches that one takes a cake holy [ __ ] duck meningitis how did you get it and also how did you first realize you had it it came on so fast I though it was swimmers ear at first the next day I was in a coma didn't know what it was till I woke up and the doctors told me I fell in a hole with runoff that was contaminated with bacteria that got in my ear I once thought I got a pretty fast heart rate whenever my doorbell would ring then I started cycling and I noticed how a heart rate of 200 BPM felt nothing like the doorbell feeling the doorbell feeling felt way more intense and worse so aware those were mini panic attacks that realisation really hit home I held my baby as he cried and imagined dropping him onto an upturned knife in the dishwasher pnd is ducking or Thor my sympathies really after my first baby I imagined some really horrible things yes she was hard 17 hours a day screaming kind of hard but the guilt of even thinking those things as a parent mother is excruciating I'm glad you got the diagnosis I spent 10 years convinced there was a mistake and they shouldn't have let me take her home didn't figure out what it was until therapy for something else much later my diagnosis only came when I went to my doctor for a lump in my breast she checked me out and then asked me how I was because I didn't look good to her it all came spilling out it was the first time anyone had asked and I didn't realize how bad it had got I dread to think where I'd be now had she not noticed how I was I realized I hadn't eaten anything in over a week because getting out of bed and going to the kitchen was too difficult I'd been drinking out of the sink when I went to the bathroom but I was still massively dehydrated I ended up spending a week in a crisis unit where they diagnosed me with depression anxiety and PTSD they got me on meds which was helpful it's still an uphill battle sometimes this is weird but I have PTSD for various reasons but one cause of it was growing up with contaminated water even after I moved out as an adult I used to only ever drink juice or milk or something anything not water after several years I am now able to drink water that is bottled or that I know is filtered but never tap water just recently I went two and a half days maybe even three without drinking anything without really thinking of it I drove 35 miles to school every day dizzy and and focused almost fainted a few times and almost went to the hospital because I thought I had some hole in my stomach or something it was just so full of acid to the point where if I bent over I could easily regurgitate a little I also only was peeing once a day maybe twice after I realized my lack of fluid intake and freaked out over possibly having terminal dehydration I drank bottles of water and Gatorade and after a bit of fluids hit a point where I felt the thirstiest I have ever felt in my life people with PTSD anxiety depression etc really gotta watch fluid and food intake I legitimately didn't even realize I was at that point most likely it will be for a while but keep on fighting you're winning ground to get up the hill and be on top one day when at 10 years old I looked at my mom while tying my shoes and say I want to die so bad holding knives against my heart it's night before 12 years old wishing I was strong enough to do it I had a horrific panic disorder all day every day missing months of school and in and out of the hospital I finally got diagnosed and treated and while it hasn't been a perfect ride I can proudly say that I haven't had a panic attack in years and by 13 I was back at school and thriving I'm 27 now and so grateful to have gotten to where I am now if you don't mind talking about it how is the panic disorder manifesting in such a young age the typical onset of it is around 20-25 so I'm curious if it's different in children and also what are the thoughts when it begins for me 22 year old it's always the fear of loosing control of passing out of having a seizure stroke heart attack choking right in that moment anyway keep up you do good I'm glad to hear it didn't take the best of you holy [ __ ] well done I would hug you if I could and you wanted to be hugged fun part of my autistic Trey's I literally can't tell the difference between normal sad and depressed I have no frame of reference or behavior that is normal and behavior caused by my mental disorders how I feel you when I was a teenager being medicated for depression they kept asking me if the pills were working and I just asked my mom if I seemed better thank heavens I am NOT alone every time my psychologist asks this I say honestly I have no idea the only thing I know that got better with the pills was my temper but about all the rest I'm completely lost texty when there were moments were no matter what I was doing or thinking my brain would just pot the thought of me drowning myself in there I knew I was down but when I has no control of that and it just kept happening over and over I knew I had to get help depression is a sneaky Beach I was getting pissed for literally no reason especially at the people importance to me like my family or my boyfriend when I was in this mood I'd say and do everything to hurt them the worst things that cut the deepest then I'd get sad and feel bad for them and myself because I didn't even know why I was behaving that way I'm on meds now and I stopped behaving this way I have full control over my anger and I don't get angry for no reason at all and I don't use people's weaknesses against them I was a shitty person welcome to the club buddy anger issues off King or Thor what is the cause of your anger issues - depression can I ask what meds you're taking it was hard to realize how far I was gone my mind wouldn't let me recognize that like carb ducting stopped I was deeply convinced that I could just snap out of it I was too sick to realize how sick I was I was at a point where I was severely bulimic would eat all day and only sleep for a few hours just to wake up and BP again it took everything from me my life Shrimpton to nothing but binging and purging my weight was dropping every day and every idea of time became a blur and I was so malnourished and sleep deprivation that I started hearing voices and seeing shadow figures in the corner of my eye it got to a point where I wouldn't react from my mum calling my name because I was convinced it wasn't real because I heard her calling me all the time I still convinced myself that this wasn't too much of a deal somehow it was when I was sent inpatient that I realized I couldn't not purge even if I tried I couldn't even keep food down because I started vomiting automatically gross time and somehow very scary to be confronted with the ugly truth that you haven't only lost control over your own actions but also didn't even notice this I'm in a very similar situation the pain of a needy can hurt so bad but in my experience is not taken seriously especially bulimia I have made myself go into depth with my BP glad you got help though stay strong my friend being thrown into the back of an ambulance hours after doing a 3 a.m. grocery run in another state with lots of other adventures in between story time manic adventures are some next-level [ __ ] especially manic with psychosis adventures when I was younger my family always joked I had OCD I never believed them until one day I spent 4 hours cleaning the blinds in my bedroom because I couldn't do anything else until they were done I had just needed it to be done and makes my head feel all weird I don't know how to explain it so anyway halfway through it kind of clicked that it wasn't normal to be unable to do anything until I cleaned for 4 hours that was about 10 years ago I got diagnosed with OCD last year my OCD was like this I could be gone all day and come home to clean for 6 hours I would be half asleep but running off sheer anxiety it had to get done I would cry and clean because I couldn't stop I also made ridiculous daily to-do lists what normal people do in a week I would push myself to do in one day if I didn't finish I would punish myself no food no TV found a great doctor and got my meds balanced for the most part my mind is quiet now thanks for watching subscribe for three videos a day [Music]

Channel: Ask Planet

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Id: hz5tOKY_3Q0

Length: 22min 54sec (1374 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 08 2020