DARK HUMOUR TikTok's | React

hello everybody and welcome back to my youtube channel or welcome to my youtube channel i'm call me chris and you can call me chris and uh you're looking good looking pretty yeah no no you look good you look good if i had four quarters to give the most attractive person in the world you'd have a dollar we could go to the dollar store which is fun i got something from the dollar store okay never mind okay so we're watching uh some dark humor tick tocks today i'm excited don't cancel me okay if i laugh at some of these i have very dark humor i try to like mellow it out in my content but i'm a terrible person so let's watch these [Music] when he knows how to eat wings oh oh listen listen listen listen listen this is a friendly for this it's a family this is a this is a family friendly channel okay we're not starting off like this later two hours ago travis when a woman says later she really means not ever that's true that's like the funnest thing to do is just like put that mask on and just peel it off like it's your skin like if you have a sunburn do you like to like peel that stuff off here is that weird my weird it's fine i know this is it safe to swallow semen i hope so i mean i do too i mean no i mean i i'm absent i'm i'm abstinence abstinent abstinent i am good i know this is why you send men out to get the right equipment you can just flip it over dumbass boy [Music] he was like turn it around we found your mother we found your mother last night in pieces oh my god the largest starbucks size bigger than the adult human stomach what no way average capacity 100 2 900. what starbucks but then i thought but i could probably drink a trentae trante and like eat a sandwich so does that make sense i don't want to think about it let's try this sharpie tip on max speed oh god oh my they're going to be sold out everywhere for massages for shoulder next post the video that made you go viral oh [ __ ] about yours oh [ __ ] red what about you you still got yours where are these people working man you get a different job is everybody's losing their fingers can you imagine like walking into this interview and they're just like hey like do you want this job this meat cutting plant and then you're just like yeah i would really like this job is there uh do i need any training is there like what's wha what's what does this job entail is there any injuries on this job well none of us have fingers and we have no safety requirements um well that seems a little suspect to me if you ask me what we'll pay you minimum wage and and feed your lunch every friday pizza or a philly cheese steak [ __ ] it i'm in one of them does anybody else like secretly hope that they would find like a razor blade in their mcdonald's chicken nugget so they could just maybe not a razor okay maybe not you know what i mean be kind of sweet yeah i still be mad at me because i'll be frying out of these things oh that's not good i'm on the way yeah yeah yeah yeah keeping the firemen employed all right welcome to i was just about to say somebody needs to do that to me all right that ibs train i don't want to see a full man get farted please please no please no so i [ __ ] myself and they asked me to leave that's it that's the whole video you know thomas your name you look like a thomas i'd ask you to leave too who didn't finish cutting down this tree whoa you cannot just leave them floating what the hell people agreed dead no not applicable sorry sorry that's not funny it's like kind of funny she said dead lol i think i'm slow and dumb but it's all an act my gpa was the highest in the entire world you know what that said what is the highest gpa is it like 420 or something like that i honestly don't know gpa calculate oh no i don't want to calculate my gpa i don't need that today i don't need that kick in the stomach today what's the highest gpa oh my god 4.0 why did i say 420 oh my god i'm a stoner sorry i really exposed myself there one hundred yeah go ahead and jump for me what does it say it says 100. damn she she basically einstein move over einstein this is yay hodol she's taking over guess what everybody i'm gonna shut the [ __ ] up that's me at any party everybody's talking over just making jokes and i start talking i'm like everybody looks at me and everything's silent and they expect something funny to cut out of my mouth and i'm just like you know i'm just gonna stop talking i'm just gonna go sit in that corner over there and drink a martini this is my formal apology for absorbing my twin fella stop telling people you absorb me in the womb i never said it was in the womb oh my god me and my sisters are weird like that i love that guys i was at the store and i saw some really scary creepies guys my brother just got deployed and i just keep thinking about how well he's gone i get to wear all his fancy clothes it's fancy i like that outfit it's nice i'm not white trash i'm financially challenged well and you're white trash you can be you can be both i think steven did you read the box before you bought it what's it say yeah our bathroom might agree that's something i would do that's something i have done who am i kidding god i'm stupid oh my god guys they put black plastic oh that's good how am i gonna keep an eye out for selena i initially didn't want to post this because it's just a fighter pilot with an unfortunate name but it is my boyfriend's favorite so major dick bond major dick bong ah it's a good name decorated fighter pilot decorated war hero dick bong i can say it it's a name i can say it when hotel bed sheets are tucked in why did they tuck them in so tightly it's like they want to just come in when you're sleeping at night murder you you know because you can't get out you're just like stuck in there like a cocoon what is that for who is that for i gotta be so tight that's what she said we're not going to disney world [Music] we're just getting gas oh no oh that's like 10 times worse than driving past like mcdonald's and your mom like slows down going past the mcdonald's and you're like and then she just like drives past it [Music] disney world that's a lot worse five whoppers i found this under my seat so i'm the pilot right now oh my god can you imagine though god damn it i'm gonna do another skit okay this is me i have the pin i have the pilot pin okay sitting there i found it i feel good i'm a pilot and the guy beside me is just like oh [ __ ] are you a pilot yeah yeah uh yeah yeah i got the pin so i'm a pilot oh [ __ ] that's cool bro that's cool that's cool flash forward to the flight attendant coming in oh my god the plane's going down is anybody in the cabin a pilot oh yeah yeah my friend over here he's a pilot uh it's well no hey you said you got the pin you said you're a pilot so your pilot oh uh yeah oh my god you're gonna save so many people okay come on come up front come on come on you know what i played a lot of vr pilot flight simulations i got this let's go and then the plane crashes and they all die but they don't know they don't know that you're actually not a pilot worth it because you found that pin l-e-r-s-r-s-r-s oh i got to do that too this is an l so this is the right i still do that god damn it at least i'm not alone hold on a second get his book world records that they say you've been losing weight although you've been losing weight it's not funny really yeah you come out to me right before we play mario kart yeah so rainbow road are you kidding me whoa just trying to be inclusive i don't know i i have no idea i put a million dollars in your bank account you'd be pretty stoked right no i wouldn't because i'm still 5'3 what is he doing what's your pants on he's so little he's cute though you're cute don't worry about it we had such an exciting science tour of the best friend what was your favorite part of the trip crickets and crickets man i hated watching dora because of that it's just like where's the mountain right behind me great night might want to check under your bed someone could be waiting to just suck on your toes my friends that's bum one no point saying hello he's dead that's unfortunate no i mean that's that's unfortunate that's her name check this out if you got a girl you got a job whenever you get paid you should be at least another half your check she shouldn't have to pay for [ __ ] all she got to do is look good for you dude nah i do not i make my own money i'm finna get all the hoes after this [ __ ] he knows what he's doing i respect it this [ __ ] up but first i need to find a video i respect it he's got a secret lab chair finally and the food's [ __ ] cold does anybody else do that say in the comments below if i am eating something i need to be watching something and i know that's not healthy probably but i cannot take i just even of my food unless i find a video to watch unless it's playing then by the time i find it it's cold relatable i like it 24 and i can't take it anymore i'm 27 and they'll never find kevin not kevin that's my dog no i'm 25. i just want to be unalived [Music] up oh [ __ ] where are we going dollar store i like the dollar store you know you know oh look at that little wrench ranch nut ranch wrench wrench i would date this person for like at least a couple weeks until i could take possession of that wrench and he wouldn't notice see where my priorities lie do you all think catwoman is flexible enough to eat herself out no games on your phone no no no no but probably i don't know i ain't sure what hd is but the doctor just called said i got 80 of them [ __ ] same dude say what was i talking about adhd wow thank you i love it boyfriend skipping before play oh what the hell are you doing cartman i'm kidding you but unfortunately i could only afford a wiffle bat so it's going to take a while you know you got to take your time fellas you got to take your time you got to just like i mean i'm absent as i'm absent i'm abstinent i'm abstinent jesus don't look okay when your boss tells you to drain out the milk sink you ew that's like ah when you put your hand into like soapy water to get the drain out and there's just like that that soggy food in there but then you gotta touch it disgusting bro what are you doing we could see your cards i have nothing to say about that i just thoroughly enjoyed that so i'm working on an endoscopy unit at the moment and this patient dead set asked if when she woke up from her colonoscopy would it hurt more or less than a night following anal i don't know cis i've never had a colonoscopy exposed yeah that wouldn't be good i'm abstinent though i wouldn't know no would you be wait would you be a stay-at-home dad if your wife made 20 million a year hell yeah i want to stay at home husband stay-at-home dad whatever [Music] i hate everything that involves being a wife cooking cleaning taking care of children so wife or husband the petition's down below mmm the snack sounds good what shall i get oh sriracha how interesting oh it looks gross it's a weird color it looks like barbecue sauce that's a what 2002 2010 who doesn't have condiments in their fridge that exceed the expert expert ex i need to go to the hospital because i just had a stroke the expiration date expiration what's the word expired expiration i'm just going to move on this might be controversial what i'm saying is the world's falling apart we all know it uh-huh and if we all know it uh-huh can we get rid of the paper straws can we oh where's the here's if this was the petition i would be i hate those paper straws okay those turtles i'm just kidding i'm just kidding mostly nobody likes those paper straws so you can't sit here and tell me oh my god i love paper straws like so much more than metal and and plastic straws like i love when i'm sipping on it and like halfway through my drink it gets like soggy so then it becomes like you can eat it too which is kind of fun like a little bit of fiber my friend wanted to get drunk together you're not in this episode that's me every time every time i drink i'm just like two shots in i'll be like i'm free to discover myself cleaning all this baby oil off oh wow [Music] is what did i just watch job 9-1-1 what's your emergency i can't even right now okay ma'am i'm just gonna need you to calm down okay have you tried posting on social media saying worst day ever and then replying to everyone's comments saying i don't want to talk about it why why why why why do people do that it drives me nuts and i'm always the one to ask i'm like oh my god are you okay like they'll be like worst day ever or like i need a break and all this stuff and i don't want to talk about it then [ __ ] you okay i'm never going to ask again dude i thought it was bad when people rear-end me and get this look at that oh my god what is this mad max what the [ __ ] is that how is that even legal oh is that at all legal what is this man doing does that thing propel out you know just go like just grab cars it's kind of cool kind of sick i just want chaos i begin to pass it out nice tasty meal from chick-fil-a and my head hit the wall not to the penis shaped i'm not good no please no what does this look like i'm fighting melatonin get like the four hot dogs for five dollars just now okay give me whatever that monkey's got you know what i'm saying that one half-eaten popsicle everyone forgot about always or it's like a half-eaten blizzard that's just like frost bitten on top just no just always always your room looks like you you can't just put weird stuff on your wall and call it maximalism maximalism what's maximalism it's a loud style composed of mixed patterns extensive huh cool okay i learned something new every day it's decorated by a perverted jockey when you say that what i feel is that you're trying to hurt my feelings oh my god it's kermit on a cross i died for your sins oh that one's gonna put me to hell sorry if i laugh at this next one i'll uh i'll go to hell you do it do you have the mickey mouse ears yeah bro oh i've always wanted to do this i'm too much jordan i'll go back so i got this bar of soap and yeah what they took green to a whole another level that's amazing wow couldn't you sue for that you know like wrecked your pipes sue lush lush better watch out i'm going to buy some viruses so i got planned now this is how gamers would use a time machine i'm from the future do you guys still hate women yes cool we also say baba bowie oh ran out of cups that's some big brain [ __ ] right there if i ever seen it have you ever seen anything like this i thought that my baby was stretching but today was a contraction i am never doing that who just want why would anyone you know bless bless if you've had a child how how do you have that creepy [ __ ] just boxing you from the inside i couldn't i couldn't i'd be like boxing it back you know you can't do it meanwhile in the psych ward i'd get along with these people new york people be like i mean that's just anywhere ac goes off i need the room to be just like just on the edge of hypothermia you know what i'm saying 9-1-1 what's your emergency hi to you two men what's your emergency this is such a good question it is a great question man so what a swig is killing me you wanna end yourself man please stay on the line with me i'm gonna send help right now oh my gosh let's go find out about my tattoo all summer well double homicide hair spoops smile are these his priorities what is this feet oh god i brought you frankincense hey it's shane it's one of my best friends shane wally i brought you frankie a regular friend's gift and i brought you murder best friend's gift murder chaos it's true i'm gonna send you something real nice shane's gonna be the most [ __ ] in that bag you have no idea get ready yo y'all beware they out here scamming mobile mobile scammers i am so paranoid of that every time i use any of those machines i always try to pull it off because i'm so paranoid of that because i can like take your information and stuff note it oh big daddy that's too deep sorry put it back in big daddy y'all got way too much time on your hands okay or you're really lonely this is the answer this is not the answer apologizing and i feel like you guys need the truth and you need to know is i i was hitting on too many moms and people got really mad at me yeah out of all people you had to sleep with my mom it's a [ __ ] legend mike you're gonna go down and you're gonna go listen i know you're not hiring but i'm the best guys are just fully prepared to degrade themselves and it's i'm here for here for it what yeah go ahead shut it oh my gosh it's a booby trap that's class a comedy right there i'm at the hello kitty truck right now and i'm so excited look at all that tell me that doesn't look good was that her voice if so amazing i wish i had that range 19 inches on my side of the bed 30 on your side scoot over that's me slip like this i do a couple of these does anybody else scream in their sleep just me all right well okay well those were fun to watch they didn't get too bad so that's good love to see that but i hope you guys enjoyed the video if you did enjoy the video it super super helps me out if you like the video you can comment down below where your favorite flavor pizza is and if you say pineapple i will scold you in the comments so also subscribe if you haven't already subscribed and hit that little notification bell if you want to know when my next video is up other than that i hope you guys have a wonderbar day and i will see you in the next video okay bye [Music]

Channel: Kallmekris

Views: 3,116,246

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Id: NlfqWcpQpWA

Length: 21min 41sec (1301 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 30 2021